All language subtitles for Sean Saves the World s01e10 Sean the Fabulous.eng

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Oh, good. You're home..

What? I had something
caught in my teeth.

I don't need to know.

I need some fashion advice.

My cousin Irene
is having an anniversary party.

And I want to look better than her.
There, I said it.

"There you said it" implies

there was ever a moment
when you did not say something.

I need you to come shopping with me,
help me pick out an outfit.

[Gasps]

No.

Come on.
It'll be fun.

Mom, all I do at work
is make style decisions.

I don't want to have to do it
during my off hours,

especially with my mom, who stands
in the dressing room topless and says,

"Look how great
these still look."

The trick is to rub that Diane Keaton
face cream all over everything.

And now you've ruined
Diane Keaton for me.

Just for that, I'm not going
shopping with you.

Awww, phooey.

I want a fun gay son.

My friend Joanne's son picks out
all her clothes for her.

- They even went on a cruise together.
- I've met Joanne.

Her son probably took her
so he could push her off the lido deck.

Sorry I'm late. There was a meeting
after school about the art program.

- When did you get involved with that?
- Eight years ago...?

Oh, yeah. No, I knew
you were in the art program.

I thought you said
"The Heart program,"

like you joined a club that
celebrates the '80s rock duo Heart.

And then I was thinking,
"What's with that school?"

Uh-huh.

Anyways, it's the annual
fundraiser.

We come up with a theme,
deck out the gym.

Don't worry. School stuff was mom's
thing. You don't have to get involved.

I can be involved in your school.
I'm an involved person.

I ran the first 2 miles of that 10k
for those people with that problem.

Great. Then why don't you
come to the fundraiser?

- You could sell raffle tickets or punch.
- Screw that.

If I'm going in,
I'm going in big.

So what's the job that makes up for me
not having known about any of this?

The biggest job
is designing it.

But you've got to go present a theme
and then put it all together.

Well, that's out. All day long,
he does designer-y things.

He can't be bothered to do it
on his off time,

especially when he's making love
to his hand vacuum.

I am gonna design the crap
out of that fundraiser for you.

- Really?
- Yes.

That would impress
the crap out of me.

Or "heck." When can I start
saying "crap"?

You can say crap when I'm old
and you're changing my diapers.

It'll have a double meaning.

As for you, maybe we should
take that cruise.

I'll meet you on the lido deck.

Season 1, Episode 10
"Sean the Fabulous"

Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com

So all I need to do is wow the head
of the fundraising committee

and bing, bang, bong,
I'm involved in my daughter's school.

Then CNN makes me
an everyday hero,

Anderson Cooper and I
make out in his dressing room,

and the next thing I know,
I'm a Vanderbilt.

Sure. Right after I become
Mrs. Wolf Blitzer.

- So who else is interviewing?
- Oh, just Tiffany's dad, Jason.

He did the event last year.
Total hack.

Two words - Tropical theme.

Oh, my God.
I love you, Jason!

- Bing, bang, bong. Jason's got this.
- Please, I googled him.

He's an accountant, whereas
I am a design professional.

By the way, bing, bang, bong is
my thing, all right? So stop using it.

Really? You're gonna plant your flag
on "bing, bang, bong"?

What a legacy.

Why...

Are you even here?

For moral support.

Uh-huh.

When does that start?

No one does fundraisers
like you.

That sad little gym is about
to get hit by Hurricane Fabulous.

Oh! [Laughs]

Hey, if we take in enough money,
we can run away to Paris together.

Just don't tell my husband.

Oh. [Laughs]

Did I just say that?
Stop! I'm terrible.

[Laughter]

- Hi, I'm Sean. I'm here...
- You know what?

I don't care yet.
So just give me a minute.

- She seems great.
- Yeah. We might as well go.

Oh, come on, you can't
dazzle like that,

and by the way, that's a boy who
would take his mother dress shopping.

You think Jason's gonna get the job
because he's more fabulous than me?

I can dazzle.

I can sparkle like Italian soda
if I have to.

You don't know me.
I've done things.

I went to an orgy once.

That's right.

I left after three minutes
because I got a panic attack

and the food was terrible,
but I went.

Wow. You went
to an orgy,

you got self-conscious
and complained about the buffet.

- When does the book come out?
- Look, you.

I promised I'd get involved
in Ellie's school,

so if I have to glam it up
for 15 minutes to get this job,

then crank up the Katy Perry,
because, baby, I am a firework.

Oh. You're still here.
Okay. Hi, I'm Susan.

I'm the parental liaison
to the art committee.

First of all, shut up.

I can't even start this meeting
until you tell me

how you got to be
such a hot bucket of slut.

Ooh, well, that got my attention.
You are interesting.

Get in here.

Oh, my.

That's right.
I got this, bitch.

Oh, my God. I just had the most
exhausting 15 minutes of my life.

But you are looking at the new designer
for Ellie's school fundraiser.

That is some mad boring
collection of words.

Well, what's so exciting
about your stupid life?

Oh, my God, Hunter. Did you tell Sean
about what happened last night?

- It was very exciting.
- A bunch of us went out for drinks.

And when I walked Liz home, we saw that
her neighbor's apartment had been robbed

and the lobby door
had been kicked in.

I was so freaked out, I grabbed my dog
and spent the night at Hunter's.

First we cracked open
a bottle of champagne.

Then we pretended we were
on the bridge

of the starship Enterprise
during a Romulan attack.

Both: Whoa, whoa!

[Laughter]

And then we surfed down the stairs
on Hunter's ironing board.

Then we ate a box
of cake mix.

[Laughing]

And now we're gonna be roommates until
the police find the oak street prowler

and end his reign of terror
before someone gets killed.

Well, I'm using crepe paper to transform
a gymnasium into an underwater paradise.

So... suck it.

- Sean?
- Max.

Something up?

I've, uh...

I got a lot of work
to do,

on top of which I'm extremely busy being
a hero to my daughter's art program.

Not to be confused
with The Heart Program.

I might have had a daughter
now too,

had I not been left at the altar
five years ago today

by a heartless minx named
Fiona, but you carry on.

- You're not going away.
- No.

Every year at this time, I find myself
yearning for my former lady love -

her voice, her scent,
her oddly hesitant touch.

- So do you want to talk about it?
- No.

I called Fiona last night to read her
a poem I wrote about her body,

and to my surprise, she's married, and her
husband would not put her on the phone.

Max, it can be hard to accept
when someone has moved on.

I did not accept it.

And when her husband asked
what I wanted, I read him the poem.

Well, the first two lines
of it, anyway.

He had a fairly negative reaction
to the word "penetrate."

You... you have to forget
about Fiona, okay?

There are millions of women out there
who would touch you just as hesitantly.

And I'm sure they're waiting
outside that door right now.

Waiting.

Hoping.

Still waiting.

- Are you trying to rid of me?
- Ever since you walked in.

- Hey, dad. I'm home.
- Hi, honey.

Whoa.

Are you starting
your gay midlife crisis?

'Cause I was hoping
to be in college for that.

As I'm sure you've heard by now,
I got the fundraising gig.

Yeah, you texted me with, like,
a million exclamation marks.

And you look like
Elton John's butler.

Yeah, well, to get the job,
I had to...

Fly a little closer
to the rainbow.

I don't know what that means.

But if you'd been wearing
that outfit when you met mom,

I never would have been born.

[Doorbell rings]

Okay, that's Susan.

I'm just gonna give her these
sketches and send her on her way.

Then you can have
your coat back.

Women: Hi.

Susan!

And you brought your posse.
Ain't that a kick in the nuts.

Fly closer to the rainbow.
Now I get it.

Upstairs with you.
Now. Go.

This is Kristin and Tabitha.
They're on the art committee,

and I keep them around 'cause
they make me look hotter.

- Hey.
- I am just kidding.

[Mouthing words]

Well, here are the sketches,
all right?

- Bye.
- No. Honey.

We don't care about sketches.
You do whatever you want.

These meetings are just an excuse
to get out of the house

and not be moms
a few times a week.

I hope that you like
to hang out.

Jason was always up for it.
Is that okay?

"Is that okay?"

No.

Because I'm not drunk
with my three best bitches yet.

[Women squealing]

You are awful!

[Laughs]

No, you're awful.

I can't stand my ex-husband, but I'm
thinking about sleeping with his brother.

- Am I bad?
- The worst.

Literally unbearable.

I'm gonna do it.
To poor choices.

Oh.

- Okay.
- Ready?

Uh-oh. We're out
of Tequila.

Oh, no. We're gonna
have to say buh-bye.

Oh, we are never
out of Tequila.

[Women squealing]

I am so naughty.

I know.
[Laughs] I hate you.

- Hello.
- Oh, my God. Mom!

Oh, fiddlesticks. I forgot
we're doing that thing tonight.

What thing?
What's happening?

Why are you being so fun?

I'm trapped
acting like this.

It's like I'm doing a one-man
Bravo show.

- Pretend you need to take me away.
- Calm down. I know exactly what to do.

Hello! Ladies.

I'm Sean's mother, Lorna.

- Both: Lorna.
- Slut.

Too much, dear.

I'm afraid
an emergency's come up.

- Oh, thank God.
- A fashion emergency.

[Squeals]

I've picked out some outfits
so that my fabulous son

can help me choose something
to wear for my cousin's party.

Because he loves dressing his mother.
Don't you, Sean?

Women: Aww.

There is just
no stopping you, is there?

No, dear.
There is not.

I love this you,

and you're gonna help me
pick out some clothes

and we're gonna have
a great time together.

Because I'll be faking it.

I don't care.

One day, I'm going to get you
the meanest nurse.

But until then, hmmm.

Fashion show!

[Women cheering]

- Hey, Sean. I've got a problem.
- Yeah, me too.

- Mine's worse.
- That stupid fundraiser is killing me.

Yeah, well,
I'm want to bang Liz, so...

[Spitting]

Damn it,
you keep topping my stories.

Look, I've always
thought of her as just a friend.

But she's been staying with me
for a few days,

and my place is tiny,
as are the shorts she sleeps in.

Plus, she smells like
a lilac meadow, Sean.

And I want to run through it in slow
motion with my hands out like a plane.

Hunter, if you and Liz hook up,
it'll be a disaster.

Well, then have her live with you,
so we can get back to being normal.

I can't do that.
I got too much on my plate.

But she's making me crazy
with her cute little ankle socks

and the way she nibbles
on crackers like a chipmunk.

Then think of something horrible,
like a world without bees.

It's pretty bleak. I just read
an article. We really need bees.

All right, I'll try to keep
my mind off Liz,

but I have troops on the ground,
and they are spoiling for action.

- Hunter.
- Liz...

So I'm having
a pretty crazy week.

Me too.
I want to sleep with Hunter.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Get ahold of yourself.

I'm trying to, but the man
does sit-ups every morning,

and guess
who holds his feet.

Us, he's a really good father
to his iguana, Maurice.

He took him to the mall

and had caricatures drawn of them
riding old-timey bicycles together.

Okay, that's... That's all crazy.
You're staying with me, all right?

But just so you know, there's
some stuff going on at my house,

so whatever you do,
just go with it.

Sean? Sean-Sean?
Sean-gri-LA...!

My God,
what is she doing here?

Susan, Sudan, sudafed.

- What the hell?
- Just go with it.

Su, su, sudio.
[Chuckles]

What are you doing here,
you crazy whore.

This enchanting creature tells me that
you're working on a fundraiser together

and she's so impressed that
she wants to be in business with us.

The company I work for
just bought an apartment complex

and I convinced them to furnish it
through Pemberton road,

so we can be together
all the time.

I'm gonna throw up.

I just need to have a quick little
powwow with my glam squad, okay?

Glam squad?

I'll be right there.

I don't want to tip my hand, but you are
the most beautiful woman in the world.

- I hope there's no Mr. Susan.
- Well, there is not.

And you are like a little
Tom Selleck action figure.

Oh, you get me.

And why are we hiding in your office
when there's a woman out there

whose beauty rivals that
of a young Angela Lansbury?

- Look, Max, my daughter...
- Oh, God. That's still happening?

Yes, my daughter
is still happening.

I'm doing a fundraiser at her school,
and I had to act a little
fabulous

to get the job.

So what did you do?

Really? You didn't notice I was
acting different in front of Susan?

Different how?

Oh, forget it. The point is, it's
too exhausting to keep working it.

Working what?

Wait, so that's what you did
to get the fundraising gig?

I'm confused but
proud of you, Sean.

Sounds like you did a really good,
really weird thing for Ellie.

I have no idea
what's happening here.

I've been acting extra fabulous for this
woman, and now I'll never get a break.

She's already got me
drinking so much,

my liver spelled out the words
"help me" on my skin.

Look, Sean, I know being
a homosexual is tiring.

I've seen Brokeback Mountain.

But look. We need to be
in business with her,

and ever since I laid eyes on Susan,
I have not thought once about Fiona,

so you get out there and act
in your supposedly different manner.

Listen, Hunter, Sean's hurt that
I'm not staying at his place,

so me and Buddy are just
gonna move over there.

I understand.
That's cool.

I'll just swing by your place
at lunch and get my stuff.

Plus I got your iguana those
flies that he likes so much.

And a cape. I thought
he'd look really cute in a cape.

He does. Not everyone
picks up on that.

Well, there's not much else to look at in
your apartment besides your iguana, so...

I started to imagine
a lot of things.

Yeah, I, uh,
imagined a lot of things too.

- Okay, I'll see you around the office.
- Yeah, I'll see you around.

[Inhales]
Bees. Dead-ass dyin' bees.

This is nice...

I haven't had a sleepover
with a girl since college.

But then things got awkward
at breakfast,

when I told her it was never
gonna happen again.

Wow.

You don't think of me as a kid
at all, do you?

Oh, good morning, sunshine.
You got in late last night.

Yeah, I went to the apartment
Susan wants us to furnish.

Hoochie bagger
and What's-her-face were there.

They dragged me out dancing. At some
point, I was elevated in a cage.

Oh, crap.
We're out of cream.

Ellie, can you go to sad Janet's
apartment and borrow some cream?

- It'll make her day.
- [Sighs] Fine. I'll be right back.

All right. I love you.
I'm not just saying that

because you're gonna run real
fast to get that cream back here.

I love you too.

And if I'm not back in an hour, that's
because Sad Janet is extra sad today.

- Tandem foot rubs?
- Yes, please.

Susan's combination
of diet pills and vodka

makes for a very dangerous
dance partner.

Both: Woop!

All right, according to
my reflexology class,

this is your heel.

I dropped out
after the first class.

[Chuckles]

Oh, that feels so good.

I will see you that
and raise you this.

[Laughing] Oh, that tickles.
Oh, that feels good.

[Groans]

Oh, Sean, you really know
how to treat a lady.

You're so tense.

I know. It's been exhausting keeping
up with this gay act all week.

Oh, my God.

- Susan.
- Sean, you straight bastard!

What? What are you
talking about?

Uh...

Girlfriend.

I just heard you say
you were lying about being gay,

and this blonde hottie
obviously spent the night.

Oh, Sean is gay, but thank you
for calling me a hottie.

Susan, I am gay. I was just
pretending to be super gay.

But really I'm medium gay.

I mean I'm perfectly gay.

I mean whoever is gay is the
perfect amount of gay for them.

It's your stylish mothe...
Oh. Everyone looks angry.

I just wanted to be a part
of my daughter's school.

But I am a person,
not a plaything, okay?

Gay people come in all shapes
and sizes.

You can't just expect us
to live up to some stereotype,

and that goes for you too, mom.

Because this is who I am -
a proud medium gay man.

Sweetheart, I've known
ever since you were little

that were not like
all the other gays.

But I've always loved you,
and I've come to accept

the level of gayness
you were born with.

No, you haven't.

No, I haven't.

But I was wrong to push you
to be someone you're not.

I was just looking for a way to be
closer to you, like Joanne and her son.

If I was any closer to you, I'd be
living in your pouch like a kangaroo.

Now you've described my dream.

Ugh.

You know, I've been
to other people's homes.

They sit around
not talking to each other.

Why can't we do that?

Hey, Sean, you lied to me,
so I can't work with you anymore.

I expect honesty and integrity
from my bitches.

Well, then why don't you just clickety-
clack your little ass right out of here.

- Yeah, beat it.
- Yeah, get out...

Adult I shouldn't talk to
that way.

I should have listened
to my instincts last night.

I knew something was off when
you resisted getting into that cage.

So guess who's not going to be doing
the fundraiser at your school?

- I'm sorry, honey.
- That's okay.

I appreciate
how much you tried.

I mean, you put on
this whole act just for me

and even allowed women
to cage you... like a chicken.

[Laughs] Like a chicken.
You're adorable.

Anyways, not a lot of dads
would have done that.

No, and now I understand why.

Sir, I'm sorry.
I had to tell Susan the truth.

And she doesn't want
to work with me anymore.

Damn it.

I'm smitten with that bitchy
little drunk.

If you're so into Susan, why not
do the project with her yourself?

I can help you win her over.
After hours of girl talk,

I know everything about her -
favorite flower, her favorite singer,

that she once stole $10,000
from her favorite sister...

Total package.

I've written her a poem.

- No, don't do that.
- It's good.

- Would you like to hear it?
- No one should hear it.

- You're going to hear it.
- I really don't want to.

- Here it goes.
- Dear God, no.

- There once was a man with angina.
- I'm out.

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