All language subtitles for Scoundrels s01e06 ther.eng

They're absolutely
beautiful, Logan.

I've never seen anything
so beautiful in my life.

She's gotta be kidding, right?

- That's just sad.
- It's not the gift that matters.

It's the son behind it that counts.

Absolutely. I'll see you at
the party tonight. Oh, really?

You have another surprise for me?

He's gonna walk on water?

Oh, okay, I'll wait then.

All right, thank you again,
sweetheart. You made my day.

You know your other kids,
the ones that aren't Logan

we got you something, too.
Cal's bringing it.

Okay, but I have to
leave in a minute.

Mom, I made you your
special birthday pancakes.

Dad made me promise.

You're gonna see him later,
aren't you?

Well, I hope. I mean,
if I get off work in time.

But, hey, good luck
on that audition.

- You know, fingers crossed.
- Hey, and, you, good luck protecting

those insurance companies
from the greedy poor people

trying to screw them
out of a profit.

It's a good job, Hope,
one I probably don't deserve,

but I beat out college
grads to get this job.

I know. They called
to say thank you.

Ah, yes! Sweet! You're still here!

Okay.

Finally.

Happy birthday, mamacita!

Whoo!

Oh!

Ooh, it's from all of us, okay?

H?

Right?!

Oh! Wow. Well...

That's...

Really something.

Thank you.

What? It's nice.

Wow.

It's no big deal, Alice.

I mean, if you've got
something else to do...

No! Are you kidding me,
mamacita? I would love to come.

I could ask some of
the other girls, too,

- if that's okay with you.
- Yeah, please.

Mm-hmm. I just didn't
want to be presumptuous

because I'm the new kid.
Listen, "new kid."

Between you and me,
penny cannot stop bragging

- about how smart she was to have hired you.
- Really?

Yes.

We all gettin' a little sick of it,
if you ask me.

Desert dive, 8:00.

I'll be there.

Come on in.

If you're busy, penny,
I'll come back later.

Oh. Now's good. What's up?

Well, first of all,
it's my birthday.

- 35?
- Now and forever.

I was having a little
get-together tonight,

- and I was wondering if you might wanna...
- When and where?

- Desert dive, 8:00.
- Great.

Anything else I can do for you?

Uh...

There's a file that
came across my desk,

- and I thought I should go over it with you.
- Mm-hmm.

A house got robbed
in my neighborhood.

They took plasma TVs,
stuff like that.

You know the person
whose house it is?

A little. Not really.

- Well, what's the issue?
- Well,

I noticed there were
no receipts attached,

which I know, normally, we ask for.

D also, there was no
police report filed

for the break-in.

Welcome to the world of
people trying to rip us off.

Give it to me. I'll hand
it over to the fraud unit.

You know what?
I'll just mark it "denied."

Thanks, penny.

Nice job. Really nice.
You'll be hearing from us soon.

Heather?

Heather West?

Is that you?

Chantelle Hazenby.

Oh, my God! I hardly
even recognized you.

- You look so gorgeous.
- Oh, thanks.

Ugh, I hate these cattle calls.

- They can't all be offers, can they?
- If only, right?

Hey, I've seen you on tv.

Channel 11's pick-five
lotto girl. Big whoop.

No. Seriously, that is so awesome.

- "Tonight's first number is... 7."
- Listen, I owe you an apology.

That pageant, when we were kids...
I'm really sorry

- that I told everybody at school what happened.
- Oh, that?

And our five finalists are...

From la quinta, Sarah Delafina.

Representing rancho mirage,

Chantelle Hazenby.

And from palm Springs,

Heather West.

Oh! Whoa!

Haven't thought about
that in forever.

You must've hated being called
"Ralph" all those years.

You know, that saying...

"What doesn't kill
you makes you..."

Not dead or something.

- Mm, no. Well, put your number in. We need to be friends.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Exact same phone.
Look at that. Wow.

Bump!

- Chantelle? You're up.
- Okay.

- Hey, break a leg.
- Oh, I want you to get it.

In fact, I'm gonna tell them that.

Then maybe I can stop
feeling so guilty

about the whole "Ralph" thing.
Okay? Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

Bye.

Patty, sweetheart,

we have some wonderful
news to share with you.

Tell her, Mrs. Hong.

Okay, Mr. Hong.

I'm pregnant.

Wow. We tried for such a long time.

Now our prayers have been answered.

And... it is a boy.
I'm finally getting a son.

Aw. Hmm?

Mwah! Ooh!

Son of a bitch!

Literally. Son of a bitch!

What're you going off about?

I'm the one who should
be freaking out here.

"I'm finally getting my son."

I always knew he'd love
me more if I had a penis.

That'd be weird, though.

All right, look, I know you
hate me and everything,

but I gotta tell you... - wait,
I don't hate you.

- I thought I made that pretty obvious.
- Okay. Good then.

Anyway, listen. I think it's mine.

- Your what?
- My kid. My kid!

He said that they were trying,
no go, over and over again.

And I do her a couple
of times and bam!

I mean, my olympic swim
team went for the gold.

You didn't use condoms, you moron?

Well... she kept jumping my bones..

And it was kinda-
there wasn't a lot of time.

And here I thought you'd changed

- and finally grew some brain cells.
- Huh?

Just... just get away from me.

Get away from me,
you and your boy sperm!

Okay.

Now!

Jeez, kasey.

You know, if you're gonna put
in a bogus insurance claim,

at least do a good job faking it.

No, it's a real claim.
What are you talking about?

You got broken into,
and you didn't call and tell me?

With everything going on with wolf,

I didn't want to pile on.

Then why didn't you
file a police report?

- Terry wouldn't let me.
- Oh.

You know how squirrelly
he is about the law.

- Why do you even listen to him?
- Beats me.

I mean, "I don't know," not
"he beats me."

- He doesn't.
- He better not.

Now how come you didn't
attach any receipts

for what was stolen?

Receipts?

My tv fell off the
same truck yours did.

You pay cash.
You don't ask questions.

But I still got robbed,
and I should get my money back.

That's why I have insurance.

You're right, but I still don't
think this is gonna go through,

especially since I
flagged it to my boss.

Damn it. Why didn't
you come to me first?

I didn't know you
were working there.

Last I heard,
you were at that grocery.

Life's been crazy.

Tell me about it.

Yeah, like,
what is all this anyway?

Oh, my new business...

ladies' undies for women
of all shapes and sizes.

Boobs, a solid caboose...

just 'cause you got a
little meat on your bones

- don't mean you can't be sexy.
- That's a really good idea.

Yeah, except I'm tapped out.

That claim money was gonna
help me hire some workers

- and buy new material, get thinthings going for.
- I'm sorry.

You can't sneak it through?

Or maybe ask Charlie

if he can print out some
fake receipts from the store?

Come on, a little forgery
for old time's sake.

I can't.

Sorry. Gotta tow it to the shop.

You know, I checked the carburetor,

and it definitely is not that.

Knock wood it's not
the transmission.

But if it is,
I want to use factory parts.

Okay, no more chop shop.

- From now on, I'm on the up-and-up.
- You know, Cheryl,

that's how the price
is gonna go... up and up.

The straight and narrow
path is gonna cost you.

It already has. Mm. It's wolf.

Hi.

Happy birthday,
sunshine of my life.

Thank you.

What's that noise? Where are you?

Oh, my car had a temper tantrum.

- Falani's here. He's towing me.
- Let me talk to him.

- I'll set you up.
- No, thanks. I got it covered.

They get older,
wanna be on their own,

leave the nest, fly away.

Ha ha.

Well, how about Cal or Heather?
Can they drive you over here?

No, I don't think so.

The kids are throwing
me a birthday party.

You're kidding? I'm not gonna
see you on your birthday?

No, I-I-I can't, wolf.

Hey, what can you, right?

No sweat.

Have fun tonight. Make a good wish,

one that has me coming home in it.

Happy birthday, babe.

I love you.

Yeah, me, too.

Ladies? Drink orders? Drinks?

- Beer.
- Yeah, beer, please.

Uh, white wine.

- The same. White wine.
- Ma?

- I'll have a wine, too.
- All right.

Ooh! Fancy pants.
And a beer chaser.

- Beer chaser.
- Better?

So, uh...

Guess who knocked up
Mrs. Hong but isn't Mr. Hong.

You didn't use condoms, you moron?

What does she want from you?

Nothing so far.

The old guy thinks it's his.

Well, buddy boy,
you just dodged a bullet.

Okay, you sure you're
ready for my family?

I have been sure for weeks.

Anyway, there's no way I would miss

your mother's birthday party,
even though

I had to practically crowbar
the invitation out of you.

- I just didn't want there to be any pressure.
- On me or on you?

- On you, of course.
- This is exactly where I wanna be.

And you, sir, are exactly
who I wanna be with.

And don't tell my students

- I ended a sentence with a preposition.
- Come on. Come on.

- Mom! Hey!
- Hey, Logan.

- Happy birthday!
- Oh! Oh! This is my son Logan, the lawyer.

- Hi. How you doing?
- Hi, Logan.

Uh, this is,
uh... - vice principal bottoms?

- Valerie, please.
- Valerie.

She used to be my son's teacher.

So this is your surprise?

Valerie and I have been dating
for a while, yeah, and, uh...

We were keeping it private.
Now we're not. So...

Well... that's wonderful.

Really? That's...

Didn't know how you
were gonna react, so...

What, a-a beautiful woman,
responsible, with a career?

I mean, what could
be bad about that?

Oh, I am so happy to
hear you say that... oh.

- Mrs. West.
- Cheryl. Please.

Oh.

- "Cheryl."
- Cheryl.

Well, come on, Valerie.
Park it here.

And, you, go get her
a Tequila sunrise

or a daiquiri or something
with a plastic monkey.

Oh. Nice to meet you.

Can I get something with
a monkey in it, please?

Dude, is that "miss Bottoms
with the awesome top"

over there with mom?

Yeah. Yeah.

And we're dating now,
so lose the nickname.

Oh, good on you, buddy. She is hot.

Hey, speaking of hot,

what's up with that-
that Chinese girl you work with?

What is it? Uh, uh. Peggy?

- What, Patty Hong?
- Patty Hong.

I bumped into her when I
dropped off that package.

- What's her deal?
- I don't know, man. She's weird.

I mean, for a second there,
she hated me,

then she sort of liked me,
and now she hates me again.

What'd you do?

Got her stepmom pregnant.

You didn't use a condom?

You moron!

Why does everybody have
to say "you moron"?

- Cheers!
- Happy birthday to me. Cheers!

- To new old friends.
- To old new friends.

Mm. I have to find the
little models' room.

Mm. W... where's that?

She means the toilet, Cruz.

- What'd you bring her here for?
- Yo, yo, don't be discouraging

the bringing of hot ladies, okay?

Well, you could've brought
someone here, too.

That is, if anyone
actually liked you.

Mm, whatever you say, Ralph.

- She apologized for that.
- I can't believe I'm gonna say this,

but Chantelle's only
being nice to you

- because she's threatened by you.
- What?

You're the competition.

New blood nipping
at her spiked heels.

"Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer."

That mean anything to you?

No. If I had any enemies,

I'd wanna keep 'em as far
away from me as possible.

Besides, how am I a threat to her?

I mean, she's, like, so far

- ahead of me in her career.
- Oh, and you idolize her!

Even better.

It's so she can keep an eye on you

and get sucked up
to at the same time.

- Its pretty efficient, actually.
- Oh, what do you know?

Maybe she just likes
to hang out with me.

Haven't you ever heard the story
of the scorpion and the frog?

No, but I guess I'm going to.

So here's this scorpion,
and there's this frog.

And the scorpion asks the frog
to take him across the river.

And the frog's like,
"oh, I don't know.

I'm afraid you're gonna sting me."

The scorpion goes, "hey,
if I did that, we'd both drown."

The frog figures, "okay."

The scorpion gets
on the frog's back.

Halfway across the river,
the scorpion stings the frog.

And as they're both sinking to
the bottom, the frog's like,

"What's the deal? You promised
you wouldn't do that."

The scorpion goes,

"I'm a scorpion.
It's in my nature."

That is so stupid.
Frogs don't even talk.

Check, please.

Come on, heather-feather.

Let's make the guys in
this place go crazy.

Yes, please.

Hey, Cruz. Wanna watch a
scorpion dance with a frog?

Look right over there.

Yeah.

Oh. Hey. Look who's here.

Well, sergeant, what brings
you out on a school night?

Oh, one of my detectives is
getting married this weekend,

- so we're having his wake tonight, basically.
- Oh.

So, uh, did you find a job?

I did.

And thanks, by the way,

for getting that
nonsense off my record.

Oh. Don't mention it.

Where you workin'?

Silver sentinel insurance.

Insurance. Wow. That's, uh...

ironic? Hilarious?

No, I-I was gonna say
"impressive," actually.

Sorry.

I guess I'm... just used
to you being a jerk to me.

I'm sorry to disappoint you,
you know.

Anyhow, um...

Uh, sorry.

- Good night.
- Okay.

See ya.

- Hey.
- Valerie and I, we're gonna take off.

That's right,

'cause you both have to get
up early for your work.

So do you, so don't, you know,
stay out too late, okay?

Okay.

What's the matter?

Mm. Nothin'.

Come on. Mom, I know that look.

I miss your father.

You should get him out of jail.

I should've never told you not to.

What was I thinking?

You were thinking
about your kids, mom.

Okay, Cal has a good job,
Hope's in school,

you've got a good job.

Heather's getting more auditions,
making connections.

The family is doing really,
really good,

and you know and I know

that it wouldn't have
happened if dad were around.

And I-I'm sorry.

I know that that's harsh,
but it's totally true.

You're right...

As usual.

I love you.

Home safe.

Happy birthday.

I love you.

What is it? What's the emergency?

I lied.

There's no emergency.

I just wanted to call you

and hear your voice when
it was still my birthday.

'Cause it is still my
birthday... isn't it?

You're drunk, lady.

So what?

You've been avoiding me,
Cher. Admit it.

Okay, not now,
okay? Just... just be sweet now.

I'm only saying it 'cause
of how much I miss you.

I miss the way your hair smells

when you get out of the shower.

I miss the creases in
the back of your knees.

I miss tracing your tattoo

with my finger while
we're lying on the couch

watching bad tv.

Man, oh, man.

I'm gonna make it up to you
when I get out of here.

Every holiday I'm missing

being stuck in here,
every birthday,

- you're getting 'em back and then some.
- Yeah.

I promise.

- Are you still there?
- Yeah.

Keep talkin'.

Hey, remember when Heather
couldn't say "t-h"

when she was little?

She'd say, "happy burp-day."

The boys had a field
day with that one, huh?

Well, that was a long time ago,
when we were young and pretty.

You're still young,

and you're as beautiful
as the day I met you.

Aww.

We did good, Cher, you and me, huh?

We made an amazing family.

Oh, wolf.

What am I gonna do with you?

Whatever you like,
when I get out of here.

So, uh.

About this rager I'm missing.

Come on.

Hey, Cheryl.

Hey.

- You don't look any worse for wear.
- Oh.

That was fun last night.

- Yeah, it was. Thanks for coming.
- Mm-hmm.

Um, Alice, uh, turned in
this claim for her car,

and I just thought you
should have a look at it.

I didn't say anything to her.

Well, it says her car was taken
from the big foods parking lot,

and they found it
torched in Joshua tree.

Can't get any more
totaled than that.

I know. I read it.

It just sounded a little...

I don't know. But I
don't wanna judge Alice.

I-I shouldn't have
wasted your time.

D-d... leave it here.
I'll expedite it for her.

Okay. Thanks.

You know, if you and your
family aren't covered with us,

you should really consider it.
Our prices are very competitive.

I'll look into it.

That's a beauty, Alice.

Isn't she though?

Gosh, I just love that
new car smell. Don't you?

I swear, if they
made it into perfume,

- I'd be dabbing it all over me.
- Well, don't forget

to set your car alarm
when you park, okay?

- You can never be too careful.
- Always.

Bye, sweetie. You take care.

I'm hungover from mom's party.
We wish you were the, man.

I'll be there next year,

assuming your brother
gets his act together

and wins my appeal.
I haven't heard from him lately.

Ah, I'll get on his case.

Hey, dad, I gotta
ask you something.

How did it feel when you found out

that mom was pregnant
with me and Logan?

Did you get somebody pregnant?

No, no, no, no. No, no.
I just... I don't know.

Something that crossed my mind.
I wanted to ask you about it.

Is heather... no, dad. Jeez.

- Heather's not pregnant.
- You're sure?

'Cause not you got
me all nervous...

Which, come to think of it,

is exactly how I felt
when your mother told me.

- You didn't want us?
- I wanted you like crazy.

I was afraid I wouldn't
be a good father.

On top of which, people tell ya,
the minute your kids are born,

you're worried from that moment on

through the rest of your life.
"Are they safe? Are they happy?

- Are people being nice to them?" All of that.
- Oh, that's huge.

Yeah, it's huge and terrifying.

And it's the best thing
that can happen to a man.

Yeah.

You hold that baby in your
hands the first time...

And immediately,
without even thinking about it,

you know, "I would kill r this kid.

I would die for this kid."

I mean, what's better than that?

Huh?

I thought I made
myself crystal clear

about this family
and stolen property.

You said we weren't
allowed to steal stuff.

I bought that clock, ma.
I paid good money for it.

- And you still owe me your half, by the way.
- Third, genius.

- Where did you buy it?
- Chlie.

- Oh.
- Does that mean we're

getting rid of all our
furniture now, too?

- That was different.
- How is that different?

It came from the same
place as the clock.

Before. That was before.

And where have you been?

With Chantelle. And, no,
I haven't heard from my audition,

in case you were wondering.

It's the only thing any
of us could think about!

Look, you, if I could get rid
of everything in this house

that was either hot
or fell off a truck

or whatever you wanna call it,
I would... the couch, the tv,

your computer... but I can't.

And if you think I'm a hypocrite,

then you can sit on the damn floor.

Okay... well, if it's okay
to keep the furniture,

it's okay to keep
this butt-ugly clock.

- You're not allowed to buy things...
- Wh...

ever again. Ugh!

Hey.

- Psst. Hey.
- Ugh.

- Do you have a minute?
- No.

60 seconds then.

Cal...

What is it?

- It's about our baby.
- Oh, we don't have a baby.

All right, listen to me.

Now I don't have a lot
of money or anything,

but I'd be willing to throw in
a couple of bucks every month

and take him on the
weekends once in a while.

And I don't know what you
were thinking about names,

but I had a couple ideas.

I always liked the name "Lenny."
Look, look, just...

why don't you just keep
your ideas to yourself

and your couple of bucks?

This baby is mine and Mr. Hong's.

All right, listen, this is my
first kid... that I know of,

and I wanna be in his life.

I want him to know what I'd

- kill for him and die for him.
- Ah, shh, shh, shh.

You are irrelevant,
period, end of story.

You know what?
I think you planned it.

I think you made me
your insperminator,

and now you're gonna cut me out!

Let's just say, hypothetically,
that I did do that.

How about just say it?
'Cause that's what happened.

And if Mr. Hong found out
that you and I were together,

let alone anything else...

I guarantee you'll get
to die for this kid.

So how did you, like,
find out? How did they tell you

you were gonna be
the next lotto girl?

Oh, my agent did that thing

where she pretended
to be all bummed out.

So, you know,
I figured I didn't get it.

And then she yelled, "congratulations!"
Oh! That's so cool!

I know. Hey, do you ever get
those 6s and those 9s mixed up

on those ping-pong balls?

There's a mark so you
know which is the top.

Oh. Cool.

So what do you think?

Honestly?

They're not that great.

And... I'm telling
you this as a friend.

Um, well, I've been getting
really good feedback on it.

Yeah, I'm sure your mom likes
the pictures of you very much.

No, she actually hates the

um, tell me.
W... come on, I can take it.

You know what? No. No.
That would be mean.

And... anyways,
it's totally subjective.

Although, of course,

there is an industry standard,
but never mind that.

What... what is it? My... my... my smile?

My hair? My eyes?

W-w-what?

- Let's just forget I said anything.
- No! I-I-I can't.

Now anytime anyone
wants to see these,

- I'm gonna be all freaked out.
- Honey, no, I would never want that.

Forgive me.

Please?

Okay?

Okay.

Ooh, what's the matter, puppy dog?

You look like someone
peed in your water bowl.

Oh.

I was gettin' used to
the idea of being a dad.

She won't let me.

Find yourself a nice
girl to have babies with,

- not Cruella de Vil.
- I guess.

Well, you got some decent
sex out of it, right?

That's true.

She may be mean,
but she's got some skills.

Bet she wasn't as good as me,
though, was she?

You ass! You don't have time
to work on dad's appeal,

but you have time to
have sex with Patty Hong?

To be precise,
"Cal" had sex with Patty Hong.

I just happened to be
playing the role of Cal

for that particular performance.

You got hot old Ms. Bottoms
and you're cheatin' on her?

"Logan" hasn't sleep
with anybody but Valerie.

Again... that was "Cal."

You're such a lawyer. So...

What? So how was she? Come on,
give up the goods, man.

Well, that is privileged
client/attorney information.

No, but you said that it was "Cal,"
not Logan the lawyer.

Whoa! Logic!

Do you need a little rest after

- that brain workout there, buddy?
- Oh, ha ha ha.

Uh, to tell you the truth,
it was very nice.

It was very...

It was very nice, really nice.

All right. I get it.

It was nice.

So, uh, she thinks she
already had sex with me once.

What's to stop her
from doing it again?

Well, the fact that it would
actually be you this time.

You suck.

All right, I'm gonna take off.
See you later.

Oh, hey, dude, Logan.

Go see dad.

Oh. What a nice surprise.

I thought we should talk
outside of the office.

I hope that's all right.
Let me make a wild guess...

it's about Alice's claim.

It is.

And Marcie's and Emma'

somebody's gotten adept at
using the office computer.

All false claims,
all approved by you.

And I think you wanted
me to figure it out.

Why is that?

The girls at work,
they're like us...

a little bit damaged.

No offense, but...

I don't see myself as damaged.

Well, you know what I mean.

Some of us are married,
some separated,

some, their men are "away."

And I think we deserve a little...

Somethin' somethin',

like maybe a new car
every couple of years,

to balance things out.

See, I see it as an
act of sisterhood.

That's funny, 'cause I see it

as an act of stealing from
the company we work for.

Oh.

Well... then I guess
you won't be interested

in the promotion I
was gonna offer you.

My job is becoming available...

more than twice the
salary you're making now,

among other perks.

- Where are you going?
- Corporate headquarters.

I'm getting a promotion, too.

And I need someone I can
trust to carry on my...

Legacy.

So why me?

Why not Alice or any
one of the others?

Well, because as nice as they are,

they're... no Cheryl West.

Ah.

What, do you really think

that I could work in
insurance out here

and not know about the Wests?

Look, the point is,

I am not here to judge
you on your past.

I wanna put it to good use.

You don't need to answer now.

Just sleep on it.

Hey, hang on a second.

Please hold for Robin Kubryk.

Sorry. Hi.

Hey, sweetie. It's Robin Kubryk.
Just calling to let you know

- your call time got pushed an hour.
- My call time? What call time?

The ad you're shooting today-
save the whales,

man's inhumanity to manatee.

You know, that animal rights thing.

I got it?! Oh, my gosh!

Well, thank you! Thank you!

What are you going on about,
Chantelle?

You booked this days ago.

This isn't Chantelle.

Um... this is Heather West.
I must've grabbed her phone.

Oh. Can you give Chantelle
that message then?

Can I ask you something, Robin?

Was I even close to booking this?

- 'Cause I really thought I had this one.
- You were lovely.

My "condition"?

Your condition makes you
your nervous stomach, honey.

If you're gonna toss your cookies

every time you're onstage,

maybe modeling isn't the
right career for you.

That was one time, and I was 11.

- What, did Chantelle tell you that, too?
- Word on the street.

Listen, I gotta run.

Tell Chantelle about
her appointment.

That little conniving...
Little... cootie queen.

- You mean your new best friend?
- "A," she lied about the job.

Apparently,
she had it the whole time.

And two, she told me she was
gonna put in a good word for me.

- That word was "vomit."
- You're surprised by this?

Yeah, I am, actually.

How much do you think I'd
get for model murder?

No. Don't let her know you know.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

So all these weeks, you haven't
been working on my appeal.

- That's what you're telling me?
- I started to,

but then I had to think about
my position in the firm,

and the fact that
my colleague's uncle

is the judge that sentenced you.

At the end of the day, I realized

- that it could be too detrimental to my career.
- All right.

"All right"?

All right.

Thank you for telling me in person.

That was very straight up of you.

I wish it could be different.

Yeah, me, too.

Logan.

Yeah, dad?

Don't come back here anymore.

I don't want to see you again.

We're done.

Penny.

Good morning.

Am I gonna be happy or not?

I appreciate the offer...

Kind of, but, uh,
the job's just not for me.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Don't worry.
I'm not gonna tell anybody.

Wests don't rat. But you
probably read that in our file.

You're passing up an
excellent opportunity.

The job I have is fine for me.

- Oh.
- What?

Well, the office makeup is shifting,
as I told you.

We're gonna need to transfer you
to our cathedral city branch.

You're exiling me to cathedral city

because I'm turning you down?

Oh, I think you'll
fit in better the.

Because the crime rate's higher
and I'll bamong my people?

No need to get testy, Cheryl.

Here's testy for you...

screw cathedral city
and screw your legacy.

- What do you have to say now?
- Obviously, you're fired.

But before you go,

could you tell me where you got

that lovely cuckoo clock
in your living room?

I've been searching
for one just like it.

It was a gift.

Oh, damn it.

Sorry I don't have the keys.

- But this gets us squared away, right?
- Oh, yeah.

So, uh, no more honest living?

Sometimes justice isn't legal.

It was amazing. When I drove
out of that parking lot,

I felt like Robin hood.

- Steal from the bitch to give to the poor.
- Well, I, uh,

- I'm sure she deserved it.
- Oh, she'll get a new car soon enough.

- She's got excellent insurance.
- Yeah.

Well, back to an honest living...

Whatever that's gonna be.

- Thanks, Falani.
- All right, we'll see you.

- What?
- What the hell did you do to me?

What are you talking about?

My hair is falling out!
What did you put in that shampoo?!

I didn't do anything.

I really wish I had, but I didn't.

You're lying!

No, I'm really not... baldilocks.

Baldy McBalderson.

Where's Baldo?

Oh, my gosh. It was you.
You did it.

You balded Chantelle.

Oh.

Did I accidentally put the
stuff you use on your pits

in her shampoo bottle

before she showered at
our house this morning?

Oops.

Oh, my gosh, you're so sick.
I love it!

I can't believe you would do
something like that for me.

Hey, you're an idiot...

T you're my idiot.

I hate you, too.

You want a glass of fresh
squeezed orange juice?

Made it myself.

Seriously?

A busy working woman like yourself

has time to cook bacon
and squeeze orange juice?

Pretty impressive.

I'm in between jobs, actually.

Oh. What happened with
the insurance company?

Didn't work out.

So... what can I do for you?

Well...

The precinct got a call
last night about a theft.

Some anonymous tipster

said they have reason to believe
that you might be involved.

Nice clock.

Yeah, I never cared much
for birds, you know.

Damn flying rats are always
messing up my windshield.

I know what you mean.

Well...

You have a good one now.

You, too, Detective.

I will. I will.

Hey there.

What are you doing here?

How was your day at work?

Sighst out or I'm
calling the police.

Oh, yes. Your very close,
good friends the police.

- Yeah, I know you stole my car.
- You're welcome.

Now you won't have to
hire someone to torch it

when you get bored.

But see,

now it's time to talk
about what you did to me.

You cost me my job...

Which is okay.

I mean, it's not great,
but I can live with that.

I'll find another one.

But when you send cops

into my home...

You're declaring war on my family.

And that, my friend,
is a war you will lose...

Badly...

With lots of casualties.

Do I make myself clear?

Very.

Oh, and another thing...

my neighbor's claim?

Remember the one that
you said was phony?

Turns out it was real.

So I guess the lesson here

is that things aren't
always what they seem.

It's a good thing to keep in mind.

I'll be by the office
tomorrow to pick up the check.

Oh...

And I left you a little souvenir.

Just a little somethin' somethin'.

See ya.

You're a freakin'
rock star goddess!

Okay, I just got you what
you were entitled to.

Oh, God.

But there is one itty,
bitty little string attached.

Oh! Name it.

You kind of suck with money...

Tell me something I don't know.

And I happen to have a very
good head for business,

and I'm also in the market
for a job right now...

- Yes.
- Yes?

Yes.

- Yes! Yes!
- Oh, my God!

Oh!

- We'll be partners.
- Okay.

All right? All right. All ri...

um, okay, partner. How do we start?

Uh, we need a name
for the business...

something that says

big and feminine

and lusty and beautiful.

Oh, my gosh.

I've got it.

Full bloom.

- I love it.
- Right?

'S perfect.

It's great!

Okay, wait. Then we
could also have, like,

these secret, uh,
modeling parties, right?

- We could model the lingerie for each other.
- Mm-hmm.

- Girls only.
- Okay.

- And then, we could sell the lingerie...
- Wow.

- Right?
- You are a natural at this!

Yes. It's about damn time.

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