Original subtitles

Why are you dressed like that? Aren't you going to work?

No, i'm not.

It's jeff day...

A day for me to stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet

Without the constant yammering of my wife...

Duchess von yammer-steen.

- What do you say when I'm not here?

- What do you want?

I called you a duchess.

- Yeah, I'm flattered.

- I wake up to you. I go to work with people.

I come home to you. It's a lot of human contact.

- You're gonna be such a great dad.

- So why are you all dressed up?

For jeff day?

- No. I start my new job today.

We talked about it for an hour last night at dinner,

While you two were arguing

Over the best way to eat spaghetti.

- Classic twirl on the spoon.

- No, cutting it up is easier.

- If you're six. - Oh, my god!

- So what's the new job?

- Okay, once again...

I'm running the office for a new website.

They review video games and expose shortcuts.

They just got a bunch of money from a venture capital--

- Wrap it up. You're losing him.

- Yeah, well...

The exciting part is that I'm in on the ground floor.

So if it becomes huge, I'll be on top.

- Hey, congratulations.

I heard audrey's gonna be on top when it's huge.

That's terrific.

- You know what?

I don't need this abuse, not today.

- Oh, right, I almost forgot! It's a big day.

- Thank you--

- Happy jeff day!

- Happy jeff day to you too. - All right.

- You know, happy jeff day to us all.

- Hear, hear. - Hear, hear.

Transcript by Addic7ed.com

Sync by Alex28 for Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com

- Hey, I was just talking to my mom--

Are you eating my leftover pasta?

- Yeah. I feel like I owe jeff's twirling system

Another chance.

And you know what?

I think he's right.

I learn so much from that guy.

- Anyway, do you remember that little chapel on the lake

Where my parents got married?

- Is me remembering crucial to the story?

- No.

- Continue.

- It's usually booked, like, two years in advance,

But my mom just said they had an opening this summer.

- Is this that place that rents the jet skis?

- Yes.

- Okay. I remember now.

- So what do you think?

- I love jet skis.

- No, I meant the chapel. I mean, should we reserve it?

- [stammers] what do you think?

- Well, it's a little sooner than we planned, but...

I always dreamed of getting married there

When I was a little girl.

- Oh, well, that didn't work out.

But, honey, you can still get married there as a grown-up.

- Really? - Sure.

- [squeals] - [laughs]

- Oh, thanks. It's gonna be so great.

- It's gonna be great.

- Hey, honey, I'm home.

What's that? You're not? I'm alone?

Couch, I believe you know buttocks.

Ah.

- Hi. Good morning, tug.

Hi, barry.

- You're that woman from last week.

- Yes, audrey bingham.

- You, my lady, are most assuredly the bearer

Of the good morning's tidings.

- Barry, barry.

We're not doing that anymore.

- How's it going?

- Great.

Anyway, I know you guys weren't expecting me this early,

But I figured I'd get in and hit the ground running.

So where's my office?

- Ah, I know not, my fair-- - dude!

- I don't know.

- Oh. I have an idea for your office.

- I--he's an idiot!

[knock at door]

Ah...

Come on, any other day.

Yes? - Is audrey home?

I have exciting news about our wedding.

- No, she started work today. - Oh, I forgot.

- So, um...

- Don't you want to hear the news?

- I wish I could.

It's jeff day.

Nothing from the outside world is allowed.

- But I was just--

- Jeff day. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

- [exhales deeply] timmy.

- Oh, dear, mr. Rhodes, your eye.

- I know, right? It's been twitching.

- Huh. Did you get something in it?

- It might have been jen's perfume.

- Oh. You were standing too close to her

When she was spraying it.

- No. I did. I ran out of deodorant.

- All right.

Heading out for my lunch date with annabel.

Nice face.

- I think I got something in my eye.

- No, not you.

I'm talking to lawrence of a-gay-bia over here.

Hey, can you snag my dry cleaning and, uh,

Rinse out those teeth-whitening trays.

- Very well.

- And think of some fresh insults

For me to lob your way.

That a-gay-bia thing...

You're better than that.

Auf-wiener-sehen.

- How do you put up with him?

- Oh, I have my coping mechanisms.

For example, I have a strong feeling

His lunch date is not going to go as planned.

- Hmm. How do you know?

- Well, I do my best to endure mr. Dunbar's abuses,

But there was an incident the other day

Which was the last straw.

- [chuckles]

Why do you have a toy elephant?

- Ah, it's not a toy.

It's a birthday gift from my grandmother.

- Ah, can I see?

Look, I'm dumbo! - Sir, please, please, sir--

- Whee, whee, whee! - Please be careful with that.

- Ha. It's, uh, not dumbo, I guess.

- I struggled to control my outrage.

Then opportunity rang.

[phone rings]

[exhales deeply]

Russell dunbar's office.

Oh, hello, crystal.

Well, he just left, but, uh...

I'm sure he'll understand if you're running a little late.

Okay.

You know--oh!

As luck would have it,

He's just walked right back in.

Shall I put him on the phone for you?

Okay. I'll do that, then.

[imitating russell] crystal! Hey, listen...

I've been looking forward to having me crystal ball...

But I kind of have to bail.

Yeah, look, it's tricky.

Mm-hmm. Turns out, this big thing came up at work.

Heh heh. Big thing, came up.

You get it.

Well, auf-wiener-sehen.

- Dude, that's unbelievable, man.

You are like that evil puppet master from pinocchio.

- Stromboli?

- No, thanks. I just crushed some pasta.

[cell phone rings]

- Hey. Jeff, I'm glad you called.

Listen, I don't know about this job.

This whole place seems like a frat house.

My desk is still sticky

From last night's beer bong tournament.

- Aud, please. I got a real problem here.

- Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Go ahead.

- What's that cheese I like?

- What?

- I'm making an omelet.

I got the sour cream, the bacon, the sausage.

But there are three different cheeses here.

- All right, let me see.

Which one could it be?

- Not so easy, is it?

- Ah, nerts!

- What's the matter, sir?

- That chick flaked on me.

This keeps happening. I don't know what's going on.

- Oh, perhaps they finally aired your episode

Of to catch a predator.

- Hoo-hoo. Very funny.

Hey, where's that new list of insults?

Come on.

"i'll be in my office,

Tan-dorky chicken."

Oh! You're tan, you're dorky,

And you're chicken-like. [laughs]

That's pretty good.

You see, a good boss pushes you to be better.

- [sighs]

Dear god, it's gotten worse.

- I know, right?

I-I don't understand what could be causing this.

- Well, you know, sometimes these things are stress-related.

Mr. Rhodes,

You are familiar with stress, aren't you?

- Oh, I got to be honest, tim.

Up until now, I've had it pretty good.

- I see. Well, um, is there anything new

In your life that could be causing you undue stress?

- Jen and I moved up our wedding date.

- Aha.

I believe this could be a reaction to that.

- But I'm fine with it.

- Maybe your eye is your subconscious' way

Of telling you you're not.

- If my subconscious was pulling a stunt like that,

I think I'd know about it.

- Ah.

- We're still 2 1/4 short.

I'm not sure we're gonna be able to do this.

- Hey, what are you guys working on?

Maybe I can help. - If we raise 1,000 bucks,

Tug will eat this whole tub of mayo.

- Okay, uh...

I was hired to be project manager,

Which sort of implies I'd have something to do.

- Well, there's this project that we've been kicking around,

But, uh, it'd be huge if you'd take it on for us.

- Yeah, yeah, whatever it is, I'm on it.

Yes, I am looking for a mint-condition,

Unopened box of mr. T cereal.

Yes, I'll hold.

Yes, I'm still here.

Still looking for a box of mr. T cereal.

Look, I just need one box-- [cell phone rings]

I'm sorry. Can you hold?

What now, jeff?

- Espn's showing the '94 cup finals.

I can't find my ranger shirt.

- I can't help you right now, okay?

I'm trying to track down a box of mr. T breakfast cereal!

Well, I pity myself right now too.

[knock at door] - hold on for a sec.

Oh, hi, yoli. - Hola, mr. Jeff.

- What's the cleaning lady doing here?

- Oh, I forgot. She switched days this week.

- It's jeff day.

- She's from el salvador.

They don't celebrate jeff day.

- Okay, this is getting weird.

I just got off the phone with annabel,

Who swears I was the one that canceled our date.

- Huh.

That is weird.

- I think someone's messing with me.

- Whosoever would mess with you, sir?

- [grunting] yeah.

Can't be her boyfriend. He's in afghanistan.

- Sir, if you're not

Time magazine's man of the year,

I'm canceling my subscription.

- Wait a minute, timmy.

You're the one.

- Excuse me?

- You're the one

That can help me get to the bottom of this.

- Sir...

Rest assured, I will not sleep

Until I find the culprit.

- All right, tim.

I knew I could count on you. - Mm-hmm.

[breathes deeply]

Oh...

Culprit found.

- Working hard, huh?

You want?

Okay, more for me.

Hey.

That's my shirt.

Where did you get that? - ÿque?

- Audrey gave that to you, didn't she?

She didn't ask me first. I need that back.

- Miss audrey here?

- No. No miss audrey today.

Por favor...

You give shirt to me.

You do this.

Now you.

- Mr. Jeff, estoy muy incomoda.

- Look, that shirt only cost me 12 bucks

In 1994 dollars, so...

Here's 20...

You give me 8 back.

- No puedo!

No puedo! No puedo!

- How about 5 back?

- Honey? Honey, we need to talk.

- What's up with the sunglasses?

- We have got a big problem.

I love you, and I want to marry you whenever you want,

But right now my subconscious totally disagrees.

It's being a real douche.

- What are you talking about?

- This, - oh, my god!

- I know, I know, I know. Look, it--it's stress.

It started happening

When you told me about the jet ski chapel.

But, listen, I can live with this if you can, okay?

And I know my looks are what you like most,

But I swear to you,

I will develop my personality more.

- Adam, calm down. - No, honey.

I'm gonna start reading things,

And I'm--I'm gonna learn current events--

- Babe, this doesn't look like stress.

I-it looks like some sort of allergic reaction.

- Honey, I wish!

The only thing I'm allergic to are pine nuts and bees.

- Wait. You ate my pasta this morning.

- Oh, my g-- I said I was sorry, okay?

Look, I think we have a bigger issue here!

- No, you said you were allergic to pine nuts and bees.

My pasta that you ate this morning had pesto on it,

And guess what pesto's made with.

Here's a hint.

It's not bees.

- Pine nuts.

Oh, that's hysterical.

Timmy's an idiot.

I knew I didn't have a subconscious.

Oh, what a relief.

- That was fast, audrey.

You really came through on the mr. T project.

- [chuckles] well, congratulations, guys.

$500 well spent.

- Awesome. - All right...

So you see I'm up to a challenge.

What else can I do? - I don't know.

Take a break.

- No. I don't want to do that, okay?

I just took a break for four months.

- Oh, gosh, I wish we could do that.

- You are doing that.

- I know it looks like that,

But there's work going on up here.

This is all our process, audrey.

- Okay, okay, fine, but while you're doing your process,

A lot of stuff is not getting done, all right?

Look, unopened letters and messages

From potential clients and advertisers...

All here in this box marked...

"who cares."

I could be dealing with all this stuff--

Setting up meetings, getting ad revenue,

Helping you guys grow your business.

- [mouth full] okay, do that.

- What?

- Yeah, yeah, you do all that stuff,

And we'll just do the website. - All right. This is great.

I am your girl. You guys can count on me.

I'm gonna get started right away.

[cell phone rings]

Oh, excuse me. [clears throat]

Hello?

Oh, yoli. C-calm down.

My cleaning lady's freaking out in spanish.

- Oh! I speak spanish. - Oh, oh.

- Digame.

Mm-hmm. Si.

- What is she saying?

- She locked herself in the bathroom

Because your husband offered her $20

To take her shirt off.

- So I'm gonna go...

And, uh, I'm gonna get started first thing tomorrow morning.

Okay? Early bird and all that.

[watch beeps]

- Ooh! Bap-beep-boop-beep!

[imitating russell] hey, tanya.

It's russell-- applause.

- Who did you say this is? - Russell...

Dunbar.

Uh, look, I know we're supposed to meet up

And get down... Wink.

But here's the sitch.

- What's the sitch? - Um, it's you?

- Bad news--

Got to cancel.

Good news--

I'm at the airport.

I'm taking virgin to london,

And we're flying on... A-delta!

- Wait. Who is this?

- Uh, who is this?

- Russell dunbar.

- Uh...

No, this is, uh, russell dunbar.

- Timmy?

- Nerts!

A-click.

- Well, it took a lot of charades,

But I managed to convince yoli

That you're just an idiot.

That seems to translate in any language.

- Good stuff, aud. Thanks.

Now, if you and your amiga will hit the bricks,

'cause, uh...

There's still 45 minutes left in jeff--

- Oh, seriously?

When charges are almost filed, jeff day's over.

Oh, here's your shirt.

Hope you enjoy it.

She was pretty upset. I had to sweeten the pot.

- Adios, mrs. Audrey.

No es meaning no!

- I just don't get it, tim...

After all I've done for you.

- I think you mean to me.

- What, a little good-natured ribbing?

- Sir, you called a cherished family heirloom dumbo

And then shattered it.

- [laughs] yeah, stuff like that!

That's fun stuff guys do!

[cell phone rings] - excuse me, one moment please.

- What?

- Hello, there, laura. How are you?

- Laura? - Yes, I'm kind of in--

- Wait a second.

Payback time.

[clears throat]

[cockney accent] 'ello, 'ello, laura!

It's timmy!

Listen, I have to break our date today

On account of I fancy the chaps.

That's right, I do.

I'm a homosexual, I am.

Here comes me mate ian, and I'm gonna go kiss him.

Cheerio.

[normal voice] bang.

There ya go. Two can play that game.

- Yes, pity.

How shall I ever explain this to my dental hygienist?

Transcript by Addic7ed.com

Sync by Alex28 www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0