All language subtitles for Rules of Engagement s05e11 Refusing to Budget.eng

I'll have scrambled eggs.
That's it

Western omlette, please.

You know what?

Surprise me.

What am I,
some kinda birthday party clown?

Come on. It'll be fun.

Okay.

Surprise!

Hey, who saw Gossip Girl
last night?

Best episode ever.

Really? But didn't you think
it was weird

how it just cut out
in the middle?

It'd be great if that could
happen to this conversation.

Wait a minute, no,
it didn't cut out.

It ended with Dan deciding that
he was going to settle down

and be a father...
to Georgina Spark's baby!

- Omg, that's major!
- I know, right?

I'm sorry, am I
at a slumber party?

Seriously, can we guy up
the verbal badminton,

s'il vous plait?

I don't know what happened.

On my tv,
it went to static.

My guess is
they disconnected your service.

I've tried to tell Mr. Dunbar,

now that his mother
has cut him off,

he hast to become responsible
and pay his own bills.

But he remains mired
in a level of denial

not to be believed.

Hey, what are you guys
talking about?

Mr. Dunbar, I'm going to go
to the office right now

and draw up a budget for you.

We'll go over it later.

Oh, yay.

I get to crunch numbers
with H&rRblecch!

They all said,
"come to America."

Hey, what's with
this getup?

I'm on my way uptown
to start my new job.

Ah, it may be new to you,
but technically,

it's the world's
oldest profession.

He said you're
a shepherd.

I'm hostessing over
at Amybeth's kitchen.

I think it would be
a fun thing to do

while I figure out
what's next for me.

Oh, hey,
did you ask 'em?

No, no, I did not ask them
what they do

with the leftover muffins
at the end of the day.

Was there not a point
during the interview

when they said,
"do you have any questions?"

But honestly,
why be a hostess?

I mean,
you went to a real college,

not one of those pretend schools
that are online.

No offense.

None taken.
That was a tough six years.

Being a hostess is
an honest day's work.

There's nothing
to be ashamed of.

You know, they bake more
than they can sell.

That's just--
that's just business 101.

I was defined by that job
at that magazine.

I mean, it was
my whole identity.

You worked at a magazine?

Yeah, I thought it was
a furniture store.

Yeah.

Thank you, caring friends.

No, at my old job I was
stuck in my office all day.

I'm not sure where
I'm gonna end up,

but in the meantime,
I want to be out among people,

because I'm a real
people person.

[Sarcastic laughter]
Okay.

I am!

Right?

They can't just
throw 'em away.

Oh, enough with the muffins!

♪ How many ways
to say I love you? ♪

♪ how many ways to say
that I'm not scared ♪

♪ with you by my side ♪

♪ there is no denying ♪

♪ that I can't wait
for me and you ♪

And then in the fourth grade,
I went as a Power Ranger,

and that was the year
that I got the most candy.

Because there were a lot
of Power Rangers,

so I hit the same houses,
like, two , three times.

The people didn't even notice.

So that was pretty tight.

Talk less.

Oh, sorry.
I'm just being sociable.

Tell you what, you're
the understudy for the tv.

If something happens to it,
you're on.

[Telephone rings]

Ugh.

Hi, hon.

Okay.

What was that?

Oh...That's what I refer to
as the nothing call.

Audrey calls me to tell me
that she's almost home.

Like I won't piece it together
when she walks through the door.

I swear, one of these days
I'm just gonna say,

"why the hell are you
telling me that?"

- That sounds annoying.
- Oh, it is.

But it's, you know,
all part of the deal.

What's--what's Jen's
most annoying habit?

Oh, no,
she doesn't have any.

She's the best.
I don't believe you.

Well,
there's this one thing...

She's a knuckle cracker.

In bed, I'll be relaxing,
on the verge of falling asleep,

and all of a sudden it's, like,
crack, crack...Pop, pa-pop!

You know? And I want
to say something to her,

but I'm just afraid
to hurt her feelings.

You never confront 'em
head-on.

They just get defensive.

So what do you do?

You ask her if
there's anything about you

that she'd want to change.

She'll tell you something
that bugs her,

and you say that
you'll work on it.

And then, inevitably,
she'll say,

"what would you change
about me?"

Ah...

So she brings it on herself.
Nice.

I'm not new to this.

Anyway, you say, "well,
if I had to pick something,

it'd be the knuckle cracking."

And that really works?

It's worked on all
of Audrey's bad habits.

Ehh...Except for that one.

Which one is that?

[Telephone rings]

Hey. Super.

Thanks for letting me know.

Hey, I'm home.

Okay, so you lead the guests
over to their table,

and you say,
"enjoy your meal."

Oh, no.

It is a lot to remember.

I'll get you a pen.

No, no, no.
That woman.

I--I went to college
with her.

I can't let her see me
working here.

Why not?

You know,
it's kind of humiliating.

No, not for you.
You're fine.

It's just we were
really competitive.

And I had kind of
an important job before this.

So now my job's
not important.

Fine, you're Hillary
freakin' Clinton, okay!

Just cover for me.

- Audrey.
- Oh.

How are you?

Oh, Stephanie!
Oh, I thought that was you.

- So what are you up to?
- Oh, you know,

just getting my brunch on.

Um, Audrey, party of two.

Where's the other person?

She's on her way.

Whoa...Attitude!

Whatever.
She's a hostess.

So what are you doing
these days?

Actually,
I just got promoted.

I run the mentor program
at NYU.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it's kind of
a big deal.

What about you?
Are you still with the magazine?

Yes, I am.

Kind of an even
bigger deal.

Here's your nametag,
Audrey.

You know, I have
a young woman in the program

who majored in journalism.

Would you be up
for mentoring her?

Well, sure.

I hope she's smart.
I have a lot to offer.

So you said that you're
still working at the magazine?

What happened to,

"there's no shame
in being a hostess"?

There isn't.
It's just...

In the time it would have taken
to explain--

I quit.
I'm a hostess now.

1.4 seconds.

It's easy for you to just
sit there and take shots.

That's why I'm doing it.

All right,
so what's the plan, Lucy?

Are you gonna get Ethel
to dress up as your boss?

I'm having Julia meet me

in the lobby
of my old building.

- Why?
- It's what Stephanie wanted.

I'll just make it look like
I just came down from my office,

and I'll take her
straight to lunch.

Take her to Amybeth's.

Give her the full tour
of places you no longer work.

Very funny.

Don't worry, I have this
all figured out.

I'm gonna teach her
everything I know,

and she'll be
none the wiser.

Well, well, well...

This place is crawling
with wiener candy.

Nothing off-putting
about that, sir.

I'm not sure you've chosen

the best venue
in which to discuss this,

but I've outlined
a very basic budget.

Ehh. Speaking of which,

I bet this chick in the red
could budge-it

without even touching it,

if you know what I mean.

I often long
for the simpler time

when I didn't know
what you meant.

Barkeep, can I get
a glass of champagne

for every chick in the bar
under 110 pounds?

Sir, do you really think
that's wise?

Oh, you know what,
you're right.

Let's make it 115.
Don't want to offend.

- But back to your finances.
- Yes. Here we go.

This is what you spend
in an average night

buying women cocktails.

- [Giggles]
You just said--

- cocktails. Yes.
I know that word can be

broken down
with hilarious consequences.

Now, please, sir, focus on--
- excuse me.

Hi. I just wanted to
thank you for the champagne.

Oh, you're very welcome.

I'm Cheyenne.

- Oh, shy-Anne.

Well, I'm suave Russell.

[Chuckles]
That's cute.

No, I was born in Wyoming.

Oh, so you're
a mountain girl.

Oh, I am.

Well, let's start
mountin', girl.

Really?

That's funny.

Do you want to come join me
at my table?

Really?

I'd love to.

Coming next fall
on the skankiest catch.

I mean, they call it
Sports Illustrated for Kids,

but this is every bit
as informative as the other one.

That's great, honey.

Apollo ono has a cat
named icy.

I mean, that's just
good reporting.

[Knuckles cracking]

Hey, sweetie,
I was wondering,

if you could change
one thing about me,

what would it be?

Nothing, honey.
You're perfect.

No, no, come on.
Come on, honey.

There's gotta be something.

Hmm. All right, well,
if I had to pick one thing...

- Yeah?
- You can be a tiny bit chatty.

- Okay. Okay.
No, that's--that's great.

I will work on that.

Well, might there
be something

that you want to ask me?

Yeah, why are you
so chatty?

What?

Well, it's like...
I wake up to you talking.

All morning, then all day,
then at night.

You know, watching tv,
having dinner.

Even during sex.

And it's not even about
the sex.

It's just random babble--
talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

I mean, you have this need
to fill the air with noise.

I have literally
gone outside sometimes

for some peace and quiet,

and we live in the busiest city
in the world!

Wow, I guess I didn't realize
how much that bothered me.

Yeah.

Thanks for letting me
get it off my chest.

Good night, honey.

So ultimately,
what I learned was

when you buy a used jet,
get a receipt!

Oh, I have to use
the little girls room.

Oh, well, wait a second.

Here, give this
to the attendant.

Oh, they don't have one here.

Oh, well, just to be clear,
I'm rich.

- Okay.
- All right.

Ooo-wee!

I finally get it now.

It's all about your lack
of self-esteem, isn't it?

- What is?
- Your compulsion

to try to win women
with lies and extravagance.

If you had something real
to offer,

you wouldn't need to hide
behind the expensive food

and fancy drinks.

Oh, really?

I'm not hiding
behind anything.

[Sighs]

Who asked for your
dumb opinion anyway?

Timmy?

Timmy?

Ah, all right.
Here we go.

Oh...It's very dark.

Let me get the lights.

Crap.
Hey, you know what,

this is more romantic anyway.
Why don't you have a seat?

Okay.

[Bangs into furniture]
Aah!

Are you okay?

Just took a corner
of a table in the nards.

No biggie.

I'm just slumming it here
until my entire floor

at the Dakota is redone.
[Claps hands]

I talked to Yoko.

She said her and John did it--
took six months.

But we're going on a year here.
I mean, what's up?

Who are John and Yoko?

Oh, I have no idea.
I'm too young.

So why don't you just
go stay on your yacht?

It's in the yacht shop.

And they were gonna
give me a loaner,

but it doesn't have GPS.

I don't want to get lost and
wind up on Gilligan's Island.

- What's that?
- Don't ask me.

I'm too young.

Mmm, yeah.

There we go.

[Lamp switch clicking]

Why doesn't this lamp work?

Oh, no, you know what,
it must be a out.

Quick, let's see
if the bed still works.

All the other buildings
are lit up.

[Chuckles]

What's going on, Russell?

Do you not have
electricity?

[Chuckles]

Got a confession to make.

I am Amish.

Art thou shocked?

Art thou serious?

How dumb do you think
I am?

Not as dumb
as I was hoping.

All right,
here's the thing.

My trust fund was cut off.

And I have not yet learned
how to fend for myself.

But I'm sure you'll
stand by me while I learn

because you and I, I feel,
have a real connection.

[Door slams]

Hey, Jeff.
I'm in the lobby.

The girl's not here yet,
but so far, so good.

Thanks. I need to know
where you are

every second of every day.

Where are you, anyway?

Well, your other
old workplace.

They put out a fine product.

Oh, excuse me...

Who do I talk to
about day-old muffins?

[Clears throat]
Are you Julia?

- Audrey.
- Hi.

I just came down in the elevator
from a high-level meeting.

Wow.

- It's very nice to meet you.
- Oh, you too.

I have a lot to offer.

Great.
I want to learn everything.

And learn, you shall.

But I have a hankering

for a cobb salad--
what do you say?

Oh, yeah.
That sounds really great.

But if it's not
too much trouble,

I was really hoping I'd get
to see your office first.

Oh, uh...Uh...

It's being fumigated.

- Oh, uh--

- bugs. Bedbugs.

Angry little ones.

And what can I get you?

- Oh, I'm good. Day-old.
Half price.

How's your sandwich?

So I call you chatty,
and now you're not gonna talk?

I wouldn't have said anything
if I knew--

- why--why are you trying
to fix this?

Scooch.

You were right, Timmy.

Poor guys don't get
the hoo-hah.

Not even close
to what I said, sir.

I was simply telling you
not to pretend

to be something
other than yourself.

- Yeah, like tall
or std-free.

Sir, you needn't wallow.
It's not as if you're penniless.

All you need to do
is be responsible

and pay your bills.

I would like my gas
turned back on.

So I can stick my head
in the oven.

Oh, my God...

It's Gina .
Oh, crap!

She publishes your magazine
and so many others.

Do you think there's a chance
I could meet her?

She's very busy,

but I will tell her
you say hi.

Now, about that cobb salad.
Miss ?

[Tense whisper]
What are you doing? Shut up!

- Can I help you?
- Hi, Gina.

This is Julia.
I'm mentoring her.

And you are?

Audrey Bingham.

I was assistant editor
of Indoor Living.

- Was?
- Is. Am.

Did you just start?

No, I've worked here
for years.

Last fall I pitched the whole
Ottoman Empire spread.

Did we use it?

It was the freaking cover.

I busted my ass
on that issue,

and you don't even remember
if we used it?

That's how little I meant?

- I know who you are.
- Thank you.

You're the one
who stole the chair.

That was my chair.

And you know something,
I am glad I quit.

You don't work here?

You're just putting that
together now, genius?

Well, then,
why did you volunteer--

Because I have a lot
to offer!

Hey, it's me.

I'll be home
in a few minutes.

Because you're my husband,

and I thought you might
be interested!

Ahh...There you go.

Sade and Merlot. Oh.

Perhaps I should have been
a bit clearer, sir.

This is merely
a work visit.

Good one.

Straight from
the Calcutta chuckle hut.

So, uh, what do we do?

Well, where are your bills?

I keep 'em over here.

I couldn't be
less surprised.

All right, well,
why don't you reach in there

and pick one.

What's that one for?

[Clears throat]
Well, this one is, uh...

Huh. This isn't a bill
at all, sir.

It's actually a dividend check
from stocks

that are still in your name.
- Wha-wha-what?

Your mother must have
overlooked them.

[Chuckles]
Really?

Yes, and fortuitously so.

You see, this influx
of funds,

you'll be able to pay off
all of these bills

and still have a little
left over for a rainy day.

Or...

Yeah!
[Cheers and applause]

Whoo-hoo!
I'm rich again!

I love it!
Sir, sir,

I implore you to--
- come on, Timmy!

Have some fun!

[Cheers and applause]

I mean, "chatty"?
I just like to talk.

You know, things occur to me,
and I want to share them.

What, am I supposed
to email her?

I really don't think I talk
any more

than the next guy,
you know?

What kind of beer is this?
It's good. Mmm.

My Uncle Roddy has
six toes.

You stop cracking
your knuckles,

and this one will shut up.

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