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1
00:00:00,668 --> 00:00:02,270
[sound effect playing]
2
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:06,274
[music playing]
3
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,976
[laughing]
4
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,480
[music playing]
5
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:24,452
Come on, Dad!
6
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:26,487
I want to go see the movie.
7
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,156
Hold on there, Bobalouis.
8
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:32,760
I want to check out
this her cute waitress.
9
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:35,463
Excuse me, miss,
when you get a minute.
10
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:39,032
Yeah, you'll be
the first to know.
11
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,368
So what about you, DJ?
12
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,270
You got a kiss for your old
ma, or would you rather have
13
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:43,937
a hot poker in the eyeball?
14
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,806
Poker, please.
15
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:46,774
[smooching]
16
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:47,675
Yuck!
17
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:54,948
So what are you boys up to?
18
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,851
Oh, just going
upstairs to the cineplex.
19
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,753
You going to go
see 101 Dalmatians?
20
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:00,921
Nah.
21
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,891
He won't go for that
unless 95 of them blow up.
22
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,627
Hey, on your way home, don't
forget to pick up some mushroom
23
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,028
soup and that macaroni, OK?
24
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,764
Because I'm making your dad's
favorite tuna casserole.
25
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:11,665
Yuck.
26
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,033
I know.
27
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,502
It's god awful, isn't it?
28
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:18,005
And especially
the way I make it.
29
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:20,541
Oh, Christmas in January,
with old Ed Conner.
30
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,343
Same was when I was a kid, man.
31
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:23,577
Always on the road.
32
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:24,978
But that's how he
kept ahead of all
33
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,147
the other salesmen who stayed
at home with their families
34
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,982
for the holidays.
35
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,384
Oh, Dan, if you're
just going to sit
36
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,320
here and gripe about your dad,
you've got to order something.
37
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,388
Come on, DJ, let's go.
38
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,356
See ya, Crystal.
39
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,790
- Bye, guys.
- Bye!
40
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,158
Now, you know what to do.
41
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,361
You go up to the window and ask
for two children's' tickets.
42
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,565
I don't understand
why Dan didn't
43
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,033
get along with his father.
44
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,968
I've always found Ed
to be a wonderful man.
45
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:48,869
Well, me too.
46
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:50,338
I get along with him great.
47
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,640
Of course, I'm a people person.
48
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:53,941
[telephone ringing]
There's the phone.
49
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:54,842
Excuse me.
50
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,848
Hello, Rodbell's Coffee Shop.
51
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:01,849
Home of the quick serve.
52
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,319
What?
53
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,320
I can't hear you, Darlene.
54
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,289
Tell Becky to stop screaming.
55
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,189
OK.
56
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,758
Now, what did DJ do?
57
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:12,893
How-- how could he do
anything like that?
58
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:15,329
He's not even home.
59
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,431
All right so-- now,
where'd you find it?
60
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,435
All right.
61
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:25,606
Well, just put it in a bag, and
I'll bury it when I get there.
62
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:26,507
OK.
63
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:27,408
Bye.
64
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:28,976
Problem?
65
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:29,877
Oh.
66
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,512
It's just DJ.
67
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:34,448
He needs some little
friends to play with.
68
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,350
You ought to bring Lonnie
around this weekend.
69
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,818
I know he'd love
to play with him.
70
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:41,021
Uh, Lonnie's at his
grandma's for the weekend.
71
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:42,155
Well, then next weekend.
72
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:46,660
Roseanne, Lonnie
is scared of DJ.
73
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:47,561
Oh.
74
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,863
OK.
75
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,800
Well, at least
DJ has a father.
76
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,868
I tell you, I feel
real bad about Lonnie
77
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,236
growing up without a father.
78
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:59,106
Oh, Crystal, don't get upset.
79
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:03,411
Somewhere out there, there is
a guy who is perfect for you.
80
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,583
Excuse me a minute.
81
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,088
Hey, Donald, do you
like tuna casserole?
82
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,690
Not very much Roseanne.
83
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:20,093
Eh, you'll eat it anyway.
84
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,062
[music playing]
85
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,870
So Crystal doesn't even
know this dinner's a fix up?
86
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:30,971
No.
87
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,239
She don't even know
she's coming for dinner.
88
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,743
She thinks she's just
dropping off the fondue pot.
89
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,345
What's the guy think?
90
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:40,047
Well, you know, he's a single
guy, and we got hot food.
91
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:43,183
That's all he needs to know.
92
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,685
Hey, put more cheese in there.
93
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,487
The regular cheese
or the stinky cheese?
94
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,422
Stinky.
95
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:49,323
Yuck.
96
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:52,460
It smells like Dad's feet.
97
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,027
Lunch sure smells good.
98
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:01,201
Hey Darlene, put another
box of macaroni in there.
99
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,570
Well, how much should I put?
100
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:05,005
The box says serves 10.
101
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,607
Well, there's 8 of us.
102
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,276
So two boxes ought to do it.
103
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:10,444
Hey, my Dad's coming.
104
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,579
That's six.
105
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,447
Well, I run into
Crystal at the mall today.
106
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:14,348
Seven.
107
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,416
And she seemed
kind of lonely--
108
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:16,717
Eight.
109
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,186
Roseanne, you're not playing
matchmaker again, are ya?
110
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:20,988
Every time you do, it
blows up in your face.
111
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,322
What are you talking about?
112
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:23,924
I fixed up your friend
Pete and his wife.
113
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:24,825
Yeah.
114
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,127
And they're divorced now.
115
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,496
Really?
116
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:31,331
He would be perfect for Jackie.
117
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,232
[doorbell ringing]
118
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,300
DJ: Grandpa!
- Oh.
119
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,201
Cool.
120
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,102
Presents.
121
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,239
You coming?
122
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,874
Plenty of time.
123
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,175
You got to make it tough.
124
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,377
Right, Conner?
- No.
125
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:44,645
I just want to
finish this article.
126
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,047
Oh.
You're reading Cosmo?
127
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:47,948
Yeah.
128
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,820
Eeh!
129
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,688
- For Becky.
- Thanks a lot, Grandpa.
130
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:55,623
For Darlene.
131
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:56,824
Thank you, Grandpa.
132
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:58,125
For Grandpa.
133
00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,026
What'd you bring me?
134
00:05:59,126 --> 00:05:59,927
What'd you bring me?
135
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,495
It's right here.
136
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,464
I got you, uh, a set of books.
137
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,867
I'm kidding.
138
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:07,801
I'm just kidding.
139
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,069
It's a death ray.
140
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,804
Great!
141
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:11,939
What'd you bring me?
142
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:12,840
What'd you bring me?
143
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,274
Hey, Rosebud!
144
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,611
You look younger and more
beautiful every time I see you!
145
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:21,649
You know, you're a lying sack
of skin, Ed, but I love ya.
146
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,216
How are you doing?
147
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,752
I couldn't be better, Rosie.
148
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,754
So where's that,
uh, bum you married.
149
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,489
He's out there in the kitchen.
150
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,357
I'm supposed to
go to him, right?
151
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:31,859
Well, I think that's the plan.
152
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:32,760
OK.
153
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,200
- Dad.
- Danny boy!
154
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,101
Come here!
155
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,803
[laughing]
156
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,237
Getcha, getcha, getcha.
157
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,277
- How's business, Dad?
- Great!
158
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,112
I'm having the best
year of my life.
159
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:55,516
I picked up one of these
lines of fancy coffees,
160
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:59,119
Dutch mocha, amoretta cream.
161
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,621
Ah, here we go.
162
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:01,989
Chocolate parfait.
163
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,525
We've got this great
advertising campaign.
164
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,227
For the quiet
moments of your life.
165
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:10,598
Well, I haven't had a
quiet moment in 17 years.
166
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:11,865
What else you bring me?
167
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,868
Just so happens, I did
bring you a little something.
168
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,369
You didn't have
to do that, Dad.
169
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,337
What, Danny?
170
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,639
It's a gift.
171
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,307
I mean, that's what you call
it when you give somebody
172
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,509
something you don't have to.
173
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:23,176
When you have to
it's called alimony.
174
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:27,447
Har, har, har, har, har, har.
175
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,683
Grandpa, you got
us video tapes.
176
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,418
Well, you don't like
the movies I picked?
177
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:32,452
Oh no, we love them.
178
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,654
We just don't have a VCR.
179
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,455
Oh.
180
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,057
we do now.
181
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,392
All right, Grandpa!
182
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,061
A VCR, Beck.
183
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,963
The Conner family
leaps into the 80s.
184
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,702
Now, listen you two, you
take it into the living room.
185
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,638
I'll come in in a second,
help you, uh, hook it up.
186
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:51,639
You know.
- Thanks, Grandpa.
187
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:53,841
Yeah, now we really love you.
188
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,643
[laughing]
189
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:58,078
Uh, listen, there's um--
190
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,880
there's something I've got
to talk to you too about.
191
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,181
Is that what the VCR is for?
192
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,482
To soften us up?
193
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:06,186
No, the VCR was a second
prize in a sales contest.
194
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:09,089
If I ha won the first prize,
I'd be in Hawaii right now.
195
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,558
You wouldn't have to
put up with me at all.
196
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,759
- Jeez, Dan.
- All right.
197
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:12,793
All right.
Yeah.
198
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:13,493
What do you want to
talk to us about?
199
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,494
[sighing]
200
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:15,829
Maybe this is not
the right moment.
201
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,164
Let's wait till after supper.
202
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,635
Where are you going?
203
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,604
Unload the truck.
204
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,139
Is this how it's going to be
the whole time he's visiting?
205
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,741
You acting like
a great big baby?
206
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,309
Did you here that
crack about alimony?
207
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:31,111
He never pays my mother
a dime in alimony.
208
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,781
It's a joke, Dan.
209
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,616
Johnny Carson does
alimony jokes.
210
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,919
And you're laying there, not now
Roseanne, Johnny's on a roll.
211
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:39,820
OK.
212
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,021
It's a joke.
213
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,123
I just see him pulling
the same stuff on my kids
214
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,858
as he pulled on me.
He's never around.
215
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,093
And then he thinks
he can buy them
216
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,762
off with presents, like
they think he's Santa Claus.
217
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,664
Well, so they love
their grandfather.
218
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:51,599
And that's great.
219
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:54,167
They hate everybody else, Dan.
220
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,535
You should give them a break.
221
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:57,337
I mean, this is the guy that
helped you with your homework,
222
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,006
and taught you how
to ride a bike,
223
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,975
and took you to
the baseball games.
224
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,376
He never did any of that.
225
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:06,914
Well, so what?
226
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,048
He got us a VCR.
227
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,217
Same thing.
228
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,686
[music playing]
229
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,659
Roseanne, here.
230
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,360
I brought the fondue pot.
231
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,261
I hope I'm not too late.
232
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,429
No, you're right on time.
233
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:23,597
Give me that.
234
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,432
Hey, I want you to
stay for dinner.
235
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:26,967
Oh no, Roseanne,
I couldn't impose.
236
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,268
Oh, no.
Nonsense.
237
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,937
Aw, gee.
Are you still wearing that?
238
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,839
You look like hell.
239
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,140
God she's smooth.
240
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,574
[beeping]
241
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,977
Oh-- oh-- aw, you got me.
242
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,445
I'm vaporized.
243
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,347
Bebebe.
244
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:41,615
Oh, hi Chrissie.
245
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:45,118
Hey Ed, how are you.
246
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:49,289
DJ, uh, give me just a
minute to get my molecules
247
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,457
reorganized, all right?
248
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:51,358
OK.
249
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:54,361
I'll go kill Dad.
250
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,229
Looks like we're
getting close here, huh?
251
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,665
I'll go wash up.
252
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,132
It's really good to
see you again, Crystal.
253
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,471
Rosanne, I was just thinking,
maybe Ed would like it to be,
254
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,639
you know, just him
and the family.
255
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:06,774
Oh, nonsense.
256
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:07,875
Now, quit whining Crystal.
257
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,076
Men hate that.
258
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,544
Go in my bedroom and
borrow some earrings
259
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,512
and a scarf, or something.
260
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,014
Becky, go with her.
261
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:14,948
All right.
262
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,453
You know what the sad part is?
263
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:21,822
She doesn't suspect a thing.
264
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:24,624
There's the groom.
265
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:25,525
[door shutting]
266
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,827
Hey, everybody.
267
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,395
Hey what are you doing here?
268
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:29,596
I'm hungry.
269
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,865
Well, I didn't
invite you for dinner.
270
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,067
When have I ever
waited for an invitation?
271
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,039
Get the door,
Darlene, and let him in.
272
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,273
Be nice to him.
273
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,009
He's skittish.
274
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,877
Who's skittish.
275
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,079
Oh, just this guy from the mall.
Nobody you know.
276
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,347
Nobody you'd like.
277
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,049
How do you know I
wouldn't like you.
278
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,317
You know, he ain't your type.
279
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,686
He's shy, and really quiet.
280
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:55,856
And I mean, the manages
this camera shop, you know?
281
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:56,857
Whose type is he?
282
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,392
He's Crystal's
type, so back off.
283
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,593
Oh.
284
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:01,528
Oh.
285
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,196
You wouldn't want
to introduce me
286
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:06,099
to some great guy with a job.
287
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,101
Crystal looks hot, Mom.
288
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,337
We went with the purple scarf
and the silver earrings.
289
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,542
I begged you for
those silver earrings.
290
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:16,676
What is going on?
291
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,012
First you're all on my
case about not dating.
292
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,181
And then you go doll
Crystal up so she can
293
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:24,785
snag some great guy with a job.
294
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:25,719
He's cute!
295
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,023
He's not your type.
296
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,591
What is my type, Roseanne?
297
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,027
Some unemployed rodeo clown?
298
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:34,928
Oh, oh.
299
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,364
Bachelorette number two.
300
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,899
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
301
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:39,833
Hey, Mom!
302
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,468
Go shoot your sister.
303
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:42,669
OK.
304
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:45,605
Hey, I promise the
next guy is for you, OK?
305
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,807
But this one's for crystal.
306
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,541
Now, if you want to go for
dinner, pull up a chair
307
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,177
and set yourself a place, OK?
308
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,611
But hands off the camera guy.
309
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,428
[laughing]
310
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:24,277
Donald, I don't believe
you've met my sister Jackie.
311
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,046
It's a pleasure to meet you.
312
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,514
[laughing]
313
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,917
[music playing]
314
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,124
So you went to Lanford High.
315
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,125
Yes, Donald.
316
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:39,359
They're the Fighting
Tigers, right?
317
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,460
Mm-hmm.
318
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,628
Have they always been
the fighting tigers?
319
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,797
I don't know!
320
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,099
Let me go find out.
321
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,400
So Dan, you work in drywall.
322
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,637
That's 12 questions in a
row, in case you're counting.
323
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,539
Oh, he's just
nervous, you know.
324
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,707
That's how he tries
to make conversation.
325
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,244
Get him off my back.
326
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,046
You were begging me
to fix you up with him.
327
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,915
That was before I found
out he was the question man.
328
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,283
What kind of car do you drive?
329
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:04,717
Does it get good mileage?
330
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,053
What's your favorite
kind of soup?
331
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,754
So did you do it in here?
332
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,222
I didn't design
this kitchen, Donald.
333
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,123
Who did?
334
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,291
Some guy named Garvin Eddy.
335
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:12,960
Jackie, were
you a cheerleader?
336
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:14,761
No, Donald.
337
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:18,231
Did you try out and not make
it, or just not try out?
338
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,168
You know, Crystal was
on the pompom squad.
339
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,469
- Really?
- Oh, dear.
340
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:26,773
Do you bring your
own pompoms or does
341
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:27,774
the school give them to you?
342
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,542
They gave them to me.
343
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,079
You know, Jackie was on
the field hockey team.
344
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,446
No kidding.
345
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,748
[laughing]
346
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,252
Do you use a ball or a puck?
347
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:42,255
Hey, you know what's really
great after a great big dinner
348
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,590
is a nice drive.
349
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,092
Jackie, why don't
you take Donald
350
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,126
on a nice little drive, huh?
351
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,928
- Roseanne.
- Oh, I know.
352
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,898
You want to borrow one of my
Isidora Duncan type of scarves.
353
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:54,734
Well, I've got it right
here in the bedroom.
354
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,470
Can I buy this at a store, or
do I have to order it from you?
355
00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,307
Hey, I promised the kids I'd
watch one of those movie tapes
356
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,208
with them.
357
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:04,644
Oh, I'll go with you.
358
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,114
[laughing]
359
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,818
So Donald, you work
in a camera shop.
360
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:12,920
Do you develop your film?
361
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,721
Do you send it to a lab?
What kind of a lab?
362
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:18,191
Is it a big lab?
363
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,093
I want that guy
to get out of here.
364
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,594
So tell him to leave.
365
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,862
No, I can't tell him to leave.
366
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,031
You tell me to leave.
367
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,032
Yeah, and take him with you.
368
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,399
Not on your life.
369
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:29,002
You're not going
to believe this.
370
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,670
I come in here, in
his bedroom, and what
371
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,973
do you think I see, right
here on this spot, right here?
372
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,909
Crystal and Ed
(WHISPERED) kissing.
373
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,544
Making out?
374
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,746
Like trying to
climb each other.
375
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,681
My god!
376
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,283
See, so I figure
I can find out
377
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,851
what's going on if you
and the quiz-master
378
00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:46,053
will get the hell out of here.
379
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:46,954
OK.
380
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:47,955
Yeah.
381
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,222
But I want to hear
about this later.
382
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,690
I'll-- I'll call
you, for sure.
383
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,692
What if he hits on me?
384
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,661
Oh, Jackie, he's annoying.
385
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:55,728
He's not desperate.
386
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,601
[screaming]
387
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,037
[banging]
388
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,475
- What's wrong with DJ?
- Oh.
389
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:09,676
His death ray broke.
390
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,211
How did that happen?
391
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,846
Oh, that's not important.
392
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,648
OK, Donald!
393
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,616
I'm ready.
Let's go.
394
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,751
Great.
So where do you want to go?
395
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:19,752
Whose car do you want to take?
396
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:20,887
I-- is it far?
397
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,255
Oh, you'll find out
when you get there.
398
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,124
Listen, Donald, uh,
thanks for coming.
399
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,425
Yeah, bye.
- OK.
400
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,626
Adult time.
401
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:27,660
Everybody upstairs.
Go on.
402
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,962
Run along.
Go on.
403
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,097
Come on.
404
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:30,763
That's not fair we're
watching a videotape.
405
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,165
Oh, yeah, you're right.
406
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,600
Boy, there's logic for you.
407
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,734
Can't wait till I have kids.
408
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,569
Just tell them they're
right and they'll have
409
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:37,737
to do every little thing I say.
410
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,209
Funny how Donald and
Jackie hit it right off.
411
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,611
I would have said Donald was
more, say, Crystal's type,
412
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,213
but what do I know?
413
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,281
Absolutely nothing, my pet.
414
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,422
So, Ed, Crystal, what's new?
415
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,361
Well, Danny, you
know, I told you before
416
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,762
and I wanted to
tell you something.
417
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:05,332
Dad, before you say anything,
I was way out of line before.
418
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:07,234
You come over here, your
intentions are good,
419
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,368
and I was a complete jerk.
420
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,203
Uh, maybe I should
leave you all alone.
421
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,504
This is a family moment.
422
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:12,672
No, Crystal, stay, please.
423
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:13,673
I want you to.
424
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:14,641
Listen, Dan.
425
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,576
Dad this is
really tough for me.
426
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:17,677
Let me get the whole thing out.
427
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:24,017
Whatever happened
between you and Mom,
428
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:27,854
and between you
and me, is history.
429
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:28,755
Let's start over.
430
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,794
That's great, son.
431
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,796
I can't tell you how long I
wanted to hear those words.
432
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,398
I--
433
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,068
and you're right.
434
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:41,968
You're right.
435
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:47,740
We've got to start over, because
436
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:48,775
starting over's good.
437
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,111
I mean, it's just
a good, good thing.
438
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,480
Uh, and-- as a matter of
fact, in the last year,
439
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:57,217
I've been sort of starting all
over myself, you know, because
440
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,087
Crystal and I have
been seeing each other.
441
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,400
What do you mean, seeing?
442
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,502
Well, you know, since
last Thanksgiving,
443
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,671
uh, I mean, we just started
getting together whenever my--
444
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,373
you know, I had a
break in my schedule.
445
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,309
I'm sorry I didn't tell
you about it Roseanne.
446
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,444
But we didn't know how
you two would take it.
447
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,849
Well, are you happy?
448
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,184
Yes I am.
449
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:36,856
Well, then, I'm happy for you.
450
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:41,060
As to how Dan's going to
take it, well, take it, Dan.
451
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,100
You're more than 20
years older than she is.
452
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,168
I've done the math.
453
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:49,502
You've known her
since she was a girl.
454
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:50,970
She's a woman now.
455
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:51,904
With a kid.
456
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:52,839
I met him.
457
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:55,108
What-- what do
you want from me?
458
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,376
I wanted you to know.
459
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,610
I felt like an
idiot coming around
460
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,045
here and not stopping by.
461
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,547
I mean, we felt like we
were sneaking around.
462
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:01,681
Well, now we know.
463
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:02,582
Good.
464
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:09,055
Dan, I'm going
with it Roseanne.
465
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,123
You're not upset?
466
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:15,428
Well, to be honest with you,
I feel a little bad for Donald.
467
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,701
Donald, the question man?
468
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,236
Oh, I'm glad you're
good with this, son,
469
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,604
because we're getting married.
470
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,773
That's it.
471
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:27,674
Where are you going?
472
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,377
Somewhere else.
473
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,280
Dan!
474
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,781
I'm Sorry.
475
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,048
Get inside, Crystal.
476
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,116
I'm not going, Dan.
477
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,385
Crystal, it's
freezing out here.
478
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,253
We want your blessing, Dan.
479
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,193
You don't know what you're
getting yourself into.
480
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,695
You think you're getting a
husband a companion, a father
481
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,197
for Lonnie, forget about it.
482
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,364
He's not going to
be there for you.
483
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,132
Dan, I love him.
484
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,434
Why?
485
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:59,606
He's kind, and he's, uh,
generous, and he's funny.
486
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:02,342
He reminds me a lot of you, Dan.
487
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:03,510
I got to hand it
to you, Crystal.
488
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,878
You figured out the
exact wrong thing to say.
489
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,248
Well, it's true, you know?
490
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,683
You just don't give
the man any credit.
491
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:13,720
I've known him
all my life, honey.
492
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,622
I know exactly what's
going to happen.
493
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,457
A year from now you're going
to be lonelier than you've
494
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:18,491
ever been in your life.
495
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,659
And you're going to
be married so you
496
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,993
won't even be able
to date the clowns
497
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,229
Roseanne sets you up with.
498
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,896
Well, that's a chance
I'm willing to take.
499
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,998
Well, then we got nothing
more to say to each other.
500
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,034
Dan, it can't be like this.
501
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,969
Whether you like it or
not, your father and I
502
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,070
are getting married.
503
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,206
And, well, I'll kind
of be like your mother.
504
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:38,845
I want your blessing.
505
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,016
I'm sorry, Crystal.
506
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,019
Well then, Dan Conner, you
don't get your coat back.
507
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,959
Thanks, Mom.
508
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,362
[music playing]
509
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,068
Got anymore coffee?
510
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:02,969
Whole pot.
511
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:05,272
Pour it on me.
512
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:08,775
Anything you say, dearest.
513
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,645
You know, a lesser man would
have come back in for his coat.
514
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:13,980
I didn't want to see my father.
515
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,948
I got some thinking to do.
516
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,217
We've got to figure out how
to deal with this, Roseanne.
517
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,586
Deal with what?
518
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,621
We buy a gift and we
show up for the wedding.
519
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,723
I think I'm going to
buy her an electric wok.
520
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,425
I know she doesn't have one.
521
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:26,359
[laughing]
522
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,094
I'm not going to the wedding.
523
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,529
Yes, you are.
524
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,430
You're the best man.
525
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,131
And I'm the matron of honor.
526
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,866
We're going to walk
down that aisle together
527
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:35,568
and it'll be just
like old times,
528
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,270
only this time we
need a wider aisle.
529
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:41,474
Oh, yeah?
530
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,610
Who decided all this?
531
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:46,779
My best friend Crystal asked
me to help plan her wedding
532
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,247
and I said yes.
- What?
533
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,148
Are you crazy?
534
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,017
This whole thing is a mistake.
535
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:51,918
No.
536
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,553
I don't know that Dan.
537
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:56,122
I just see two people who
obviously love each other.
538
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:59,058
And you know, they're just
looking for some support
539
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:00,660
from their family and friends.
540
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,895
You're not doing
this Roseanne.
541
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,564
You know, you're
really sexy when
542
00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:06,032
you attempt to be assertive.
543
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:09,268
I'm not kidding.
544
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,303
You're not going.
545
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:12,071
Neither am I. And
that's an end to it.
546
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,845
No it ain't.
547
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,247
[music playing]
548
00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,389
Wh-- what do you do?
549
00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:30,857
I'll bet you're good
at it though, you know.
550
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,291
You're good at it, right?
551
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:33,960
I sell cameras right
here in the mall.
552
00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,595
You ever use a camera?
553
00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:37,497
[thudding]
554
00:21:37,597 --> 00:21:40,967
Boy, that must have hurt.
555
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:43,135
Do you need an aspirin?
556
00:21:43,235 --> 00:21:44,937
Anybody got an aspirin?
557
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:47,940
You want a regular
or a buffered?
558
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:48,841
Jackie.
559
00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:49,742
Jackie?
560
00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:56,716
[sound effect playing]
561
00:21:56,766 --> 00:22:01,316
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