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1
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,708
[theme song playing]
2
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You know something else?
3
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Bill Cheevers, that
guy that's done
4
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:02,230
makeup for like the last 10
years, lives with his mother?
5
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,133
Oh yeah.
I know all about him.
6
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,101
Totally straight.
7
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,236
Get out of here.
8
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Hetero from the word go.
9
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No.
Hold that thought.
10
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I got to yell at the girls.
11
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I told you if you
came home late,
12
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I was going to kick your butt.
13
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:16,844
Oh yeah?
14
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You think you're
big enough to do it?
15
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,380
Let's go.
Come on.
16
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,648
Come on.
Come on.
17
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,049
Come on.
18
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,484
What's going on?
19
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:24,952
The girls are late.
20
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:28,489
Boy, I don't know why we bother
to set down any kind of curfew.
21
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,491
They just come home when
they feel like it anyway.
22
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,260
Well, they're
just a little late.
23
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An hour late.
24
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And they don't even
care that we're sitting
25
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:35,829
here worried sick about 'em.
26
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,198
Gin.
27
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,333
Yeah, you're real worried.
28
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:40,568
Hey, we're laying
down rules here.
29
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,935
And they're ignoring us.
30
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,771
Yeah, and it's for their own
good anyway 'cause a lot can
31
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happen to a couple
of teenage girls
32
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an hour after the mall closes.
33
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,942
So that's why
we want 'em here.
34
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:51,212
We just don't
want 'em out there.
35
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,346
I'm gonna get some coffee.
36
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,247
You want some, Dan?
37
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,081
Sure.
38
00:01:58,085 --> 00:01:59,520
Run!
39
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:00,421
Ho!
40
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,389
Ho!
41
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,656
Ho!
42
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:03,924
Where the hell you been?
43
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,259
We're really sorry.
44
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,261
What exactly are you sorry
about, that you didn't come
45
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:08,696
home when we told you
to, that you never
46
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,198
learned how to use a payphone?
47
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:14,335
Or that you may never
see the light of day again?
48
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:17,238
That'd be the one.
49
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,606
It's only 10:00.
50
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,940
Which means
you're an hour late.
51
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,343
And you're always
an hour late.
52
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:27,448
Well then, we're on time.
53
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,516
We said 9:00.
54
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:29,883
We meant 9:00.
55
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:32,620
Yeah, because see, we have
this really crazy idea that you
56
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,323
actually listen when we speak.
57
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,590
And when you're
not here by 9:00,
58
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:37,758
we figure you have a reason.
59
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,793
And if we're not hearing
that reason from you,
60
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,161
then we just sit
here and make up
61
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:44,365
our own reason like that you're
laying in a ditch somewhere.
62
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,666
We would have called.
63
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,568
But there was no phone in
the ditch we were laying in.
64
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,941
Ha ha?
65
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,142
You're grounded.
66
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:55,976
Ha ha.
67
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,881
And you're home
tomorrow night.
68
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,416
And you are very, very sorry.
69
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,218
Am I right?
- Yes.
70
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,553
We didn't mean to
make you worry.
71
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,488
It'll never happen again.
72
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,389
All right.
73
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,223
Get upstairs.
74
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:17,831
Boy, you grounded 'em
real good that time.
75
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:18,732
Thank you.
76
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,633
Thank you.
77
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:20,901
Think it'll work?
78
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:24,204
Probably as good as it
did the last 12 times.
79
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:28,108
Maybe you should
try something else.
80
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:30,244
I mean it.
81
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,179
You should talk to him
like they were adults.
82
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,213
They're people.
83
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:36,116
They can listen to reason.
84
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,586
Honey, Jackie's still here.
85
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,490
Just smile and nod.
86
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,295
Come on!
87
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This is good advice.
88
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,568
[theme song playing]
89
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Hey.
90
00:03:59,006 --> 00:03:59,873
Hey.
91
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:00,941
What are you doing?
92
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,976
Oh, I'm packing DJ's
little duffel bag.
93
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:06,280
He's going to stay over at
little Warren's house tonight.
94
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,382
You think that's a good idea?
95
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:09,950
I mean, isn't little
Warren the one that tied
96
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:10,851
all those squirrels together?
97
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:14,588
No!
98
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,190
That was DJ!
99
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:20,761
Little Warren just stunned 'em.
100
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,063
[doorbell rings]
101
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,165
Honey, get that, would ya?
102
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,167
Sure, why not?
103
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,338
I have nothing else
to do god knows.
104
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,440
Trying to pack a bag for DJ.
105
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,007
You come in don't
have anything to do.
106
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,777
[muttering] You say jump.
107
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,313
And I'm just supposed
to go how high.
108
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,281
- Mrs. Conner?
- Yeah.
109
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,351
Flowers for you.
110
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:44,251
What's the catch?
111
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,387
I have to buy something?
112
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:49,390
No, you just take them.
113
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,258
OK.
114
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,126
Did you send me flowers, Dan?
115
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:53,994
No.
116
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,964
Why would I do that?
117
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,433
Yeah right, like you'd ever be
romantic enough to do something
118
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,802
like that for no reason.
119
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:02,736
Dear Roseanne, I lied.
120
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:03,637
They're from me.
121
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:06,340
Love, Dan.
122
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:09,176
You scum!
123
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:10,678
I love you too, dear.
124
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:11,812
Why'd you do this?
125
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,180
Let me paint the picture.
126
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:16,884
20 years ago today, I picked
you up in my dad's El Camino,
127
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,019
a little Zeppelin
on the 8-track,
128
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,888
a little Boone's
Farm Apple warming
129
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:24,224
up in the glove compartment.
130
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,193
Our first date!
131
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:30,698
No, our first date was a
motorcycle at the A&W drive in.
132
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,701
This is the anniversary
of our first time.
133
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,639
Our second date!
134
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,912
No.
135
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,914
As I recall, I was
able to fend you
136
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,549
off just a little bit longer.
137
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,617
I remember.
138
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,519
We drove to that quaint
little restaurant.
139
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:52,853
The Blue Swan Cafe.
140
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:56,690
Yes, nestled there in the
heart of the Blue Swan Motel
141
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:59,092
out there on highway 72.
142
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,561
I had a New York
steak. you had the shrimp
143
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,963
cocktail and chicken parmesan.
144
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,698
I thought that was so chic.
145
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,166
And the guy kept
calling you sir.
146
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,535
And then he said for the lady.
147
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:08,636
He meant me.
148
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,337
And I was like really
excited about that.
149
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,409
That was the night I asked
you to be my girlfriend.
150
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,744
Yep.
151
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:21,815
You said you'd make me the
happiest girl in the whole USA.
152
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:22,983
Mom, the toilet's broken.
153
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,186
Liar.
154
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,725
Anyhow, remember how we
said we were going to be
155
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:33,060
more crazy and spontaneous?
156
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,261
Mm-hmm.
157
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,564
Well, tonight I booked
us two dinner reservations
158
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,031
at the Blue Swan Cafe.
159
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,867
Oh, how romantic.
160
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,470
I hope we get that same booth,
you know, the one with the view
161
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,604
of the interstate.
162
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:47,775
And just the scent
of diesel in the air.
163
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,176
You know, it's
getting so's I can
164
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:53,481
hardly smell a truck anymore
without thinking of you.
165
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:54,982
- Bye.
- Bye.
166
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:55,883
Where are you going?
167
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,150
You're grounded.
168
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,520
No you see, we were
late on Thursday.
169
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,354
So we were grounded last night.
170
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,156
Tonight, we are free.
171
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,192
Oh OK, so where you going?
172
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,727
Me and Dana are
going to the mall.
173
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,996
And they're going to
drop me off at Marcy's.
174
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,231
OK, well since it's
Saturday, you've got till 11.
175
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,365
And your dad and
I are going to be
176
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,234
home early to check on it so.
177
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:18,672
One minute late, we'll
have your butts in a sling.
178
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:21,274
You look real nice, Mom.
179
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,076
Thank you.
11 o'clock.
180
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:26,647
Not nice, thin!
181
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,550
Thin!
182
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,385
[theme song playing]
183
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,731
So tell me about the
first time you ever saw me.
184
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:48,035
Ah, well you were
coming out of study hall.
185
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:51,171
And you were wearing
those tight corduroys.
186
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,673
And they were making
this sound when
187
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,909
you were walking down the hall
like they were calling my name.
188
00:07:55,943 --> 00:08:00,280
Dan Conner, Dan
Conner, Dan Conner.
189
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,282
Steak for you.
190
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,451
Chicken parmesan for you.
191
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,587
Yeah, 45 minutes
for a rare steak.
192
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,988
I'd ask for a steak
sauce, but I gotta
193
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:11,258
be at work Monday morning.
194
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,926
You know, it's 10:30.
195
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,128
We're not even going to
be home till way past 11.
196
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,163
Call home.
197
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,430
Tell the girls we're
going to be late.
198
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,733
OK.
199
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:22,002
No.
200
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,470
What do you mean, no?
201
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,573
Well, you know,
this grounding stuff
202
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:26,940
doesn't seem to be working.
203
00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:29,610
So like, ah, let them worry
about us for a while, you know?
204
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:30,844
Maybe I'll call Jackie.
205
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,245
What do you think?
206
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,947
I'll tell her to go over there
and freak them out for a while.
207
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,348
And then after a little
bit, she can tell
208
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,184
them what's really going on.
209
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,787
Lady, you have an evil mind.
210
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:40,888
And a body to match.
211
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:48,662
What was the second thing
you noticed about me?
212
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:52,199
[laughter] What, what, what?
213
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:56,303
Oh, it was those big brown
eyes like two chained Dobermans
214
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,537
waiting to rip your leg off.
215
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,339
Good, good, good.
Keep going.
216
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,407
Oh, it's your turn.
217
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,009
What'd you like about me?
218
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,712
Um, the fact that
you asked me out.
219
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,752
What else?
220
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,354
That's about it.
221
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,590
So what, if Tommy Jorgensen
woulda asked you out,
222
00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:18,358
you'd be Mrs. Tommy
Jorgensen right now?
223
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:22,529
Oh, like Tommy
Jorgensen'd ever ask me out!
224
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,531
Oh, get off the
sympathy wagon, Roseanne.
225
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,366
There were plenty of guys
standing in line for you
226
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,136
to treat 'em like dirt.
227
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,904
I was just the lucky one.
228
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:33,473
Now I remember what I liked
about you, Dan, the fact
229
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,309
that you could just
spread it on so thick.
230
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,645
Come on, Roseanne.
231
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:40,380
What about me made you quiver?
232
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,584
Well, I'd have to say
it was the forearms.
233
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:45,686
Really?
234
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,621
Yeah.
235
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,624
They were the biggest, manliest,
meatiest hunks of flesh
236
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,392
I ever laid my eyes on.
237
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,528
The pythons, huh?
238
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:58,732
I remember like I would sneak
these looks at you in class.
239
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:00,901
And you'd start rolling
your sleeve up really
240
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:04,738
slow you know just to tease me.
241
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,173
Why, it was all I
could do to keep
242
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,474
from climbing over
all those desks
243
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,242
and just throwing
you to the floor.
244
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,716
You know, [clears throat]
since we're not rushing home,
245
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,384
maybe after dinner
we could see if they
246
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:20,287
get our old room vacant.
247
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,990
Oh, I never thought
I'd say this, Dan.
248
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:26,894
But let's skip dessert.
249
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,830
[theme song playing]
250
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,141
JACKIE: Darlene!
- OK.
251
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,042
10 minutes.
252
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:42,943
10 lousy minutes.
253
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:43,877
But it's not my--
254
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,045
Don't sweat it.
255
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:45,946
They're not home.
256
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,280
Then I'm not late!
257
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,181
Right?
258
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:49,549
Yeah, don't worry, Darlene.
259
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,885
I wouldn't rat on ya.
260
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,221
You know, now that
you mention it though,
261
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,190
it is kind of strange
they're not back yet.
262
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:59,960
Oh, I didn't mention it.
263
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,194
I wonder where they could be.
264
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,863
Hmm.
265
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:03,764
You want some ice cream?
266
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,899
Sure.
267
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:06,800
What are you doing here?
268
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:07,868
Oh, a load of laundry.
269
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:17,177
Nah, I'm-- I'm sure they're OK.
270
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,946
Ow, ooh, ow.
271
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:19,847
Ow, ow, ow.
272
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,414
Oh they're not home yet.
273
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,784
Oh, cool.
274
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:24,684
Roseanne?
275
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,053
Oh, Becky.
276
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,054
Yeah.
277
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,055
Hi.
278
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,923
Hi.
279
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,058
What is she doing here?
280
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,325
Laundry.
Don't worry.
281
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,460
She won't tell.
282
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,962
You know, it's kind of
weird they're not here.
283
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:36,196
I mean, after that
whole deal they've
284
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,564
been making about
curfew and everything,
285
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,466
I thought I'd be grounded
before I even opened the door.
286
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,533
Yeah.
287
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,602
This is the kind of
stuff they live for.
288
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,004
There you go.
289
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:44,905
Thanks.
290
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:45,873
You're not having any?
291
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:46,874
No.
292
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:50,210
I'm not really hungry
all of a sudden.
293
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:57,550
So you girls have fun tonight?
294
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:58,485
Yeah.
295
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,619
JACKIE: Yeah?
- Yeah, it was OK.
296
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:00,720
Yeah.
297
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,022
What'd you do?
- Well, I went down to the--
298
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,156
I'm going to go
make a phone call.
299
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,763
Crystal, hi.
300
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:10,730
Yeah, I know it's late.
301
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:11,564
I'm sorry.
302
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,070
Have you heard from Roseanne?
303
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,439
Yeah.
304
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:20,808
OK.
Sure.
305
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,009
Yeah.
Thanks.
306
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:22,843
Buh-bye.
307
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:29,316
Crystal says hi.
308
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,984
Aunt Jackie, what's going on?
309
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,820
I'm just thinking that
it's not like your folks
310
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,254
to be this late.
311
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,189
Well, maybe their
car broke down again.
312
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,190
Yeah, that's probably it.
313
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,292
Yeah.
314
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:41,061
Yeah.
315
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,963
Oh, boy.
316
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,465
This is the kind of
night that cops hate.
317
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:55,642
Lot of accidents, but
I'm sure they're OK.
318
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:05,919
Wonder what's
taking 'em so long.
319
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,587
You don't think there's
a problem, do you?
320
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,837
[theme song playing]
321
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,239
[sultry jazz music]
322
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:41,154
So what do you want to do now?
323
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:44,057
What'd we do 20 years ago?
324
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,158
Well, let's see.
325
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,793
You were in the bathroom
putting on a fresh coat
326
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:47,627
of white lipstick.
327
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,099
And you were out on
the payphone bragging
328
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,400
to your buddies.
329
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:58,438
I still do that.
330
00:13:58,471 --> 00:13:59,672
I remember what we did we.
331
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,942
Filled up that huge bath
tub and played voyage
332
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,111
to the bottom of the sea.
333
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,045
Oh, yeah!
334
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,079
You kept going ooh!
335
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:06,980
Ooh!
336
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:10,817
[roseanne laughing]
337
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,920
Let's do that again.
338
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:13,853
OK.
339
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,255
This time I get to
be Captain Nemo.
340
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,860
[music]
341
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,195
No towel snapping.
342
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:23,931
Oh, I'm not
making any promises.
343
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:27,434
[music]
344
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,236
Hey, would you look at that?
345
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:32,739
Boy, that tub
got a lot smaller.
346
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:37,544
[music]
347
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,947
It is really
icing up out there.
348
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,983
What are they
doing out so late?
349
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,751
Are you getting worried?
350
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,586
No.
351
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:47,754
You?
352
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:48,588
No.
353
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:54,327
How long could it
take to eat dinner?
354
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,895
Yeah, and if they were
going to be this late,
355
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,830
how come they didn't call?
356
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,066
I mean, this is just so weird!
357
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,633
Because they were just
telling us how much
358
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:01,868
they worry when we're late.
359
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:11,044
And here we are
worrying about them.
360
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,613
Incredible coincidence or
a lesson for the kiddies?
361
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,583
You make the call.
362
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:17,650
And check.
363
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:22,722
He's doing laundry
at 11:30 on Saturday.
364
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,857
But there's no laundry.
365
00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:27,194
Oh, well, I just
can't believe that one.
366
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:30,563
Isn't this just a little
bit too cutesy for them?
367
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,633
I think they've been
watching too much TV.
368
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:38,238
So, like, Aunt Jackie is just
here to make sure we worry?
369
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,207
Well, we can't let
her down now, can we?
370
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:49,716
DARLENE: Still no
sign of them, eh?
371
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:50,917
Mm-mm.
372
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,421
I got to admit, guys, I'm
starting to get worried.
373
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,322
That's it.
374
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,589
I'm calling the police.
375
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,325
No, no, no, we can't do that.
376
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,726
Why not?
377
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,262
Well, you'd have to say that
it was a missing persons thing
378
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:06,833
and they don't like that.
379
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,501
But maybe mom and
dad are missing.
380
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,670
Well, they're
not missing enough.
381
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,972
They would have to be
missing for 24 hours
382
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,708
before the cops will do
that missing person thing.
383
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,278
Well, if they're not
missing, then what are they?
384
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,280
I mean, let's face it,
even mom and dad can't
385
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,481
eat dinner for four hours.
386
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,321
Oh, my God.
387
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,689
They could be dead!
388
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,359
Let's not go crazy here.
389
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,260
They're dead!
390
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:39,332
They're big, giant street pizzas
and they're out on the highway
391
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,533
all squishy.
392
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,436
Those 18 wheels running
over them, squish-squish!
393
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:44,337
Squish-squish!
394
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,806
Mommy, Daddy!
395
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,309
Are we done now?
396
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,078
But we're so worried.
397
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,981
You are rotten, rotten
kids and I can't even
398
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:59,386
believe I'm related to you two!
399
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,854
Does that mean you won't
adopt us, Aunt Jackie?
400
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,423
What will become
of us, Darlene?
401
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,892
We'll be orphans.
402
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:10,363
DARLENE AND BECKY: The
sun'll come out tomorrow.
403
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,564
JACKIE: You two are very funny.
404
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,166
DARLENE AND BECKY: Bet
your bottom dollar that--
405
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,668
JACKIE: Knock it off!
406
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,904
So your mom's little
idea didn't work.
407
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,372
That's fine.
408
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:20,773
Why don't we sit
down here and discuss
409
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,509
this curfew thing as adults?
410
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,410
OK?
411
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,345
All right.
412
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,179
Um...
413
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,683
See.
414
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:31,951
All right.
415
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:36,656
First of all, don't think
of curfew as a punishment.
416
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,825
You see, your parents
don't think that way.
417
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:42,929
To them, it's a way of
showing their concern.
418
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:47,467
So think of curfew as your
parent's way of saying I
419
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,470
love you.
420
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,273
BECKY: I curfew, Darlene.
421
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,874
DARLENE: Well, I
curfew too, Beck.
422
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:55,775
All right, that's it.
423
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:56,709
Both of you, upstairs.
424
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,511
You're grounded!
That's it!
425
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,680
You're rotten, rotten,
rotten, rotten kids!
426
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:03,150
DARLENE AND BECKY: Tomorrow!
427
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,585
[music]
428
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,090
ROSEANNE: What are you doing?
429
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:11,991
DAN: Nothing.
430
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:15,195
ROSEANNE: You took extra cheese!
431
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,763
Cheese fell off my slice.
432
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:17,897
I'm putting it back on.
433
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,199
It pulled all the
cheese off of this piece!
434
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:20,433
Eat the other piece.
435
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,302
I don't want that.
436
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:23,736
I want the one with
the brown bubble on it.
437
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,373
You're not getting my cheese!
438
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:27,274
Dan?
439
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,442
What?
440
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,911
Well, we could be having
this argument at home
441
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,914
and it wouldn't be costing
us 14 bucks an hour.
442
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,815
What are you saying?
443
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,650
You want to go home?
444
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:38,985
I don't know.
Do you?
445
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:39,886
No!
446
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,888
We can't go home yet!
447
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,156
This a romantic thing.
448
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:46,393
We're celebrating a
great moment in our life.
449
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,294
OK.
450
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,195
[clicking]
451
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,196
[horse neighing on television]
452
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:52,299
Hey, Bonanza's on!
- No.
453
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:55,968
But that was the one where
Hoss finds the leprechauns!
454
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:58,471
We're not watching TV.
455
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,408
Well, what do you want to do?
456
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,276
Hey!
457
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,578
The vibrating bed!
458
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:06,779
Oh, yeah!
459
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,548
I completely forgot how
much I used to love that.
460
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:09,749
Yeah.
461
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,017
Remember last time we
couldn't get enough of it
462
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,685
and we only had
quarters between us?
463
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,754
And one of them
was for the wine.
464
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,123
Only the best for my baby.
465
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,024
What do you think?
466
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,292
Should I crank it up?
467
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,294
Crank away, my bishop of love.
468
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,263
[bed rumbling]
469
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:25,732
Yee-hee!
470
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,234
Ride 'em, cowboy!
471
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,635
[bed rumbling]
472
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,171
This is awesome!
473
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,573
[bed rumbling]
474
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,111
Dan?
475
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,079
Yeah?
476
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,581
I'm going to throw up.
477
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:42,982
[bed rumbling]
478
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,520
Hurry.
479
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:48,988
[tapping]
480
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,022
[rumbling stops]
481
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:50,890
Let's go home.
482
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,296
We were getting
too old for this.
483
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,196
No!
484
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,097
No.
485
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,866
It was great, honey.
486
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,801
Great as the last time?
487
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,603
Better.
488
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,104
You know why?
489
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,474
Because this time we're in love.
490
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,975
I was in love the other time.
491
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:09,809
Me too.
492
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:16,182
[theme music]
493
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:20,152
Well, thanks for walking
me to my door Mr. Conner.
494
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,589
You're welcome, Miss Harris.
495
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,156
So are you ever
going to call me again,
496
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:28,160
or is it just wham,
bam, thank you Roseanne?
497
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,396
Hey, don't say that.
498
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,763
You're my girl.
499
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,365
Now, I want to
tell you something
500
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,767
I never told anybody before.
501
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:38,170
This is my first time.
502
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:39,005
I know.
503
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,312
How about a good kiss?
504
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,715
Oh, maybe one.
505
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,182
[chuckling]
506
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,118
One more.
507
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:55,522
Uh, OK.
508
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,690
Remember that night
when we played one more
509
00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:00,293
kiss for about half a hour?
510
00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:01,193
Then the door opened.
511
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:02,529
It was my dad.
512
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:04,397
In his underwear.
513
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:07,066
He was reading
us the riot act.
514
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,368
Daddy's not here now.
515
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,473
Where have you been?
516
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:14,941
Do you know what time it is?
517
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:16,709
Couldn't you pick up a phone?
518
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,479
I mean, we thought you
were dead in a ditch.
519
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:20,847
I don't think our
plot worked, dear.
520
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,315
BECKY: Do you have any
idea what time it is?
521
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:23,249
I have an idea.
522
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:24,351
Let's try something new.
523
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:26,986
DARLENE: You're grounded.
524
00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:27,954
[deadbolt clicking]
525
00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:28,855
BECKY: Hey!
526
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,289
Hey!
527
00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:31,290
DARLENE: Let us in!
528
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:33,092
Hey!
Come on!
529
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,193
It's cold out here.
Come on!
530
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,261
That's what we needed all along.
531
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,229
Now they can't
wait to come home.
532
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:38,965
[theme music]
533
00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:50,710
[gentle chiming]
534
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:55,310
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