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1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:04,272
[tone]
2
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,740
[music playing]
3
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:52,086
[laughter]
4
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:58,092
[music playing]
5
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,059
Wow.
6
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,494
What a brutal play!
7
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,130
I can't believe that
little Venezuelan guy's
8
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,564
still standing.
9
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,033
ANNOUNCER (ON TV):
Another left by Perez.
10
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,368
Oh, he's down,
ladies and gentlemen!
11
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:11,472
Arturo Guadalupe is down!
12
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,407
Get up, you wimp.
13
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,408
You're not even bleeding yet.
14
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,376
Geez.
15
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:16,277
Cheer up, Darling.
16
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,512
Maybe he's dead.
17
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:21,782
It's over, bag
him and tag him.
18
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:23,384
Mom, will you help
me with my hair?
19
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:24,318
What's wrong with it?
20
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,319
I hate it.
21
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,355
It just lays there
and does nothing.
22
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:31,492
Trying to look all
grown up for Robert?
23
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:32,660
Get human.
24
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,995
I hear he does the
nasty with college girls.
25
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:39,700
Well, I certainly hope he
gets extra credit for that.
26
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,102
He just dated some senior
who takes some college
27
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,937
classes, no a big deal.
28
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,673
No, of course not.
29
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:49,143
What do you think,
Dan, pigtails, ribbons?
30
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,278
Works for me.
31
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:51,179
Just forget it.
32
00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:53,714
I'll do it myself.
33
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,683
Good luck covering up those
fresh zits tonight, princess.
34
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,821
You're just jealous because
I'm anatomically correct.
35
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,660
Yeah, and I bet you just
can't wait to show Robert.
36
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,262
You're such a virgin.
37
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,064
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
38
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:13,301
You tell him, Dan.
39
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:14,335
She's pathetic.
40
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,437
I mean, she's never
even been kissed.
41
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,206
Right, like I don't have
enough spit at my own.
42
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,611
Well, you've been
a lovely couple.
43
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,979
Thanks for playing our game.
44
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,782
You'll die without ever
getting to first base.
45
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,318
Oh, go suck a tongue.
46
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,253
Darlene, go do the dishes.
47
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:36,690
Becky, go upstairs
and shave something.
48
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:37,591
And you.
49
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,897
You know they won't
always be this cute.
50
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:44,832
Yeah, I know.
51
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,700
I hear once they
hit 30, they start
52
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,471
developing their own little
personalities and stuff.
53
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,106
Have you talked to
Becky about birth control?
54
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:56,644
Yeah, I sat her down
and I said Becky, don't.
55
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,078
Rosanne.
56
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,313
She doesn't need to hear it.
57
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,948
She's never going to get
undressed in front of a guy.
58
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,350
She thinks her butt's too big.
59
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:07,855
I've been thinking, maybe
you should talk to her.
60
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,357
Maybe you should talk to her.
61
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:17,631
Well, good point, my pet.
62
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,700
All right, so maybe I'll
have the talk with her.
63
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,536
Don't make it sound like we're
told to go out and have sex.
64
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,705
She doesn't need
our permission, Dan.
65
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:29,777
Yeah, tell or never, never
trust guys, because we lie,
66
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,413
big time.
67
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,848
I had this buddy once, very
successful with the ladies.
68
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,617
He used to tell him they
wouldn't get pregnant if they
69
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,953
jumped up and down afterwards.
70
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,088
Yeah, Phil D'Angelo.
71
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:48,161
How did you know about that?
72
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:53,066
You know, I believe I will
have that talk with Becky.
73
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,435
I told you about that, right?
74
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,770
Fine, fine.
75
00:03:56,870 --> 00:04:03,677
[music playing]
76
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,179
And a niner for Brian.
77
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,017
And a seven for Chicago Skinny
and his faithful sidekick,
78
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,320
Shrimpo.
79
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,622
Hey, I ain't a shrimpo.
80
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,290
She's just trying
to rile us, boy.
81
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,258
These dealers is wily.
82
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,159
Hey.
83
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,061
Hit me.
84
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:21,962
Right, 21 on the nose.
85
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,764
No fair.
He can add.
86
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,201
What are you
yahoos going to do?
87
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,303
Hit me.
88
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,072
DJ, we've got 17.
89
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,375
You never hit 17,
especially when
90
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:35,509
you're betting five pretzels.
91
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,011
Understand?
92
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:38,912
Yeah.
93
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,881
Hit me.
94
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:41,882
Ten and flush.
95
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,517
Too bad, suckers.
96
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,919
There's a town out in the
desert with very bright lights
97
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:46,820
waiting for you, boy.
98
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:52,092
Too bad Mom's making you go
to the movies tonight, Dad.
99
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,561
Yeah, the Bulls game
is going to be great.
100
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,662
You should stick around.
101
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,029
Yep.
102
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,631
I'd love to watch the game,
but Deborah Winger is coughing
103
00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:00,501
up along at the cineplex.
104
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,336
In Dolby.
105
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,270
Jeez.
106
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,505
How come we can
never do anything
107
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:05,839
fun with Gary and Jackie?
108
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:06,740
Because their family.
109
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:10,978
You talked to
Becky about the--
110
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,413
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
111
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,986
Wow, you look incredible.
112
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:19,953
Really?
113
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,456
Yes.
get in the kitchen.
114
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:35,469
What do you know
about birth control?
115
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,370
Nothing.
116
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,171
I swear, really.
117
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:42,510
No, this is going to be
like that talk, right?
118
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:46,246
Here.s It's easier squirm
if you're sitting down.
119
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,015
Mom, I'm not sleeping
with anyone, if that's
120
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:48,982
what you're worried about.
121
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:52,586
Oh, I know that, Becky.
122
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,822
Would you be willing to
swear on a Bible, you know,
123
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,257
just to make it official?
124
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:01,228
Mom, I know all
about birth control.
125
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:04,432
So then you know about not
getting pregnant by jumping
126
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,699
up and down afterwards?
127
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,639
Hey, Brian, what you say we
go out and shoot some hoops
128
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,306
until the game starts.
129
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:14,775
Can I come?
130
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,144
No.
131
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,413
OK.
132
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:20,347
Hey, Gary.
133
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,615
Hey, Dan.
134
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,984
So Jacks, you and Rosie
pick out another female movie
135
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,085
to torture us with tonight?
136
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,687
Ah, what's wrong, Dan?
137
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:30,958
Can't handle a little
emotion and sensitivity?
138
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,894
Oh, yeah, right?
139
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,229
I love you, but I'm dying.
140
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,098
Oh, no.
141
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:41,068
You can't die,
because I'm dying.
142
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:41,969
Really?
143
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:42,903
What's killing you?
144
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,272
A woman's disease.
145
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,173
Yeah.
146
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,074
Me too.
147
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,780
Yeah, like they'd really
have the same disease.
148
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,317
Where's Roseanne?
149
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,888
Kitchen, giving Becky the
zero population growth speech.
150
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,389
Really?
151
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,024
well, maybe she
could use some help.
152
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,759
I mean, I don't want to
brag, but when it comes
153
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,427
to birth control, I've tried--
154
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,333
--to read just about
every book on the subject.
155
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,070
Hi.
156
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,906
Hi, Jackie.
157
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:19,807
Beat it.
158
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:20,941
We're talking.
159
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,142
Oh.
160
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:25,813
Oh, well, I'm just going
to get a glass of water.
161
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,347
You mean I actually
have to go in the store
162
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,149
and buy condoms myself?
163
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,383
God, how embarrassing.
164
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,319
Well, you don't have to
go in there and buy them.
165
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,254
I mean, you could use
the rhythm method.
166
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,155
How
167
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,590
Does it work?
168
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,491
Ask your brother.
169
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:49,136
Thirsty.
170
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:53,340
So what about the sponge?
171
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,376
Is that pretty much foolproof?
172
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,579
Well, you know I don't
have any statistics
173
00:07:58,679 --> 00:07:59,847
on all this kind of stuff.
174
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:07,788
But then why not hear
it from an expert?
175
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,057
You're on, Professor Jackie.
176
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,659
Well, if you're sure.
177
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:12,893
I'm not.
178
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,963
All right, now although
some of your sponges
179
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:20,534
can help prevent some disease,
they're only about 80%
180
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,570
effective against pregnancy.
181
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:28,208
So better still is your
condom sponge combo.
182
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:32,012
Used correctly, we're
talking Fort Knox security
183
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:35,248
at a price you can afford.
184
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,149
I'm telling mom.
185
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,922
But doesn't all that
stuff like kill the mood?
186
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,391
Not as much as a screaming
baby with a loaded diaper.
187
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,500
Oh, that's Robert.
188
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:54,467
we're through, right?
189
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:55,569
Well, you tell me.
190
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:56,536
I got it, Mom.
191
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,438
But I'm still going
to do anything.
192
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,808
Well, now that's
100% effective.
193
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,046
Yeah.
194
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,916
Well, Mom could never talk
to us about birth control.
195
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,751
She couldn't even
talk about sex.
196
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,019
Sex.
197
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,187
she told me it was something
people did in Europe.
198
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,092
Well, no, she did try
and talk about it once,
199
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:19,993
though, remember?
200
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,629
But it was so lame.
201
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:24,131
She said if we let a
boy go all the way,
202
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,735
then we would be called
loose or slutty or trampy.
203
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,169
Like that was going to stop us.
204
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,674
She should have told
us we'd be called, mommy.
205
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:41,915
Oh, give us a break.
206
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,416
It's probably the first
time Jordan's missed
207
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:44,852
three in a row his whole life.
208
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,620
Yeah, I don't think he
snapped his wrist, you know.
209
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,355
Looks like he's
pushing the ball.
210
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,823
Yeah, he should
be popping it more.
211
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,158
Yeah, so he gets
more backspin.
212
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,059
Right.
213
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,527
Time out Bulls, finally.
214
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:58,065
Oh, great. here come
the bimbo cheerleaders.
215
00:09:58,165 --> 00:10:00,200
Maybe he's not getting
enough arc on the ball.
216
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,369
I mean what if he
bent his knees more?
217
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:03,536
What do you think, Brian?
218
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:04,437
Brian?
219
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,338
Yo, Brian.
220
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,674
Huh?
221
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:09,176
You actually like watching
those dancing Potato Heads.
222
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,344
Oh, I don't know.
223
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,046
Oh, wow, they're
all doing splits.
224
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:18,085
Did I say potato heads?
225
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:18,986
I was wrong.
226
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:22,155
I must have meant geniuses.
227
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,092
So what about the
cheerleaders at school?
228
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,226
What about them?
229
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,127
I don't know.
230
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,829
You think they're pretty?
231
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,764
Yeah, some of them.
232
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,767
You won't believe what Vicki
Womack said the other day.
233
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,103
She told me I should try out
for cheerleader next year.
234
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,004
Ha ha.
235
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,439
Good one.
236
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,675
Yeah, that's what I said.
237
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,311
I'm not even close to
being pretty enough, right?
238
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:47,280
Well, you're just not
the right type, what's all.
239
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,883
Yeah, well, I think
cheerleaders are stupid.
240
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,919
Yeah, me too.
241
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:52,986
Hey, Brian.
242
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:53,887
What?
243
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,026
What was that for.
244
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,594
For thinking
cheerleaders are stupid.
245
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:04,431
Oh, well I don't
think they're stupid.
246
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:07,367
I think they're complete idiots.
247
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:11,839
[music playing]
248
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:20,781
[music playing]
249
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,415
Becky's in the
front room with a boy.
250
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:31,201
Becky!
251
00:11:38,608 --> 00:11:40,343
Darlene?
252
00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:41,244
Hi, Mommy.
253
00:11:45,815 --> 00:11:47,750
Uh, we'd better go.
254
00:11:47,851 --> 00:11:50,720
Are you out of your mind?
255
00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:51,889
Hey, sports fans.
256
00:11:51,989 --> 00:11:52,789
How was the game?
257
00:11:55,859 --> 00:12:00,497
Yeah, I would like to
hear the final score.
258
00:12:00,597 --> 00:12:02,866
Bulls lost, I think.
259
00:12:02,966 --> 00:12:04,968
You guys been wrestling?
260
00:12:05,068 --> 00:12:05,869
What'd she do, Brian?
261
00:12:05,969 --> 00:12:06,970
Pin you down a couple of time?
262
00:12:09,672 --> 00:12:11,408
Brian, it's been fun
watching the game with you,
263
00:12:11,508 --> 00:12:13,210
but I think it's time
for you to go home now.
264
00:12:16,579 --> 00:12:17,480
Hi, Darlene.
265
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:21,151
See you at school tomorrow.
266
00:12:21,251 --> 00:12:22,685
OK.
267
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:23,586
Hey.
268
00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:27,557
come back soon, buddy.
269
00:12:31,929 --> 00:12:32,762
I'll be in my room.
270
00:12:32,862 --> 00:12:33,663
Night, kiddo.
271
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:41,571
What?
272
00:12:41,671 --> 00:12:43,106
Dan, they were making out.
273
00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:53,116
Did you notice how
her blouse was all?
274
00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:55,452
Yeah, like it hadn't been
on her back the whole night.
275
00:13:04,461 --> 00:13:05,262
That's great.
276
00:13:05,362 --> 00:13:06,163
That's just great.
277
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,468
Where are you going?
278
00:13:11,568 --> 00:13:15,738
I want to make sure little
Brian gets home all right.
279
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,340
Yeah, some big
guy in a truck might
280
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,476
accidentally plow him over.
281
00:13:19,576 --> 00:13:20,377
What?
282
00:13:20,477 --> 00:13:23,280
Did you forget your shotgun?
283
00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:25,848
Dan, yelling at that girl
is not going to solve a thing.
284
00:13:25,949 --> 00:13:28,285
I just want to explain that
when she's under this roof,
285
00:13:28,385 --> 00:13:30,520
she's not to touch boys.
286
00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:32,222
If you do that,
you will guarantee
287
00:13:32,322 --> 00:13:35,358
she has a family of four by the
time she graduates high school.
288
00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:36,259
Yeah?
289
00:13:36,359 --> 00:13:37,160
Go to your room.
290
00:13:39,929 --> 00:13:42,299
You know, it's really
not all that bad.
291
00:13:42,399 --> 00:13:43,366
Not now, Jackie.
292
00:13:43,466 --> 00:13:44,767
All right?
293
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:47,237
No, I bet I was her age when
Doug Brock got to second base
294
00:13:47,337 --> 00:13:48,371
with me.
295
00:13:48,471 --> 00:13:51,608
It was during a football
game, ironically enough.
296
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:54,111
And we were sitting under a
big blanket in the end zone.
297
00:13:54,211 --> 00:13:55,145
Honey.
Honey!
298
00:13:55,245 --> 00:13:56,846
Buy me a cup of coffee?
299
00:13:56,946 --> 00:13:58,281
I'm helping, Gary.
300
00:14:02,452 --> 00:14:03,720
I'll be at home if
you need me, Roseanne.
301
00:14:03,820 --> 00:14:04,721
Take it easy, Dan.
302
00:14:04,821 --> 00:14:05,622
Yeah.
303
00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:11,794
Roseanne, Darlene
is 14 years old.
304
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:15,732
Well, Becky was 14
when she started dating.
305
00:14:15,832 --> 00:14:17,500
Becky is not Darlene.
306
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,236
Right. she's not
stupid enough to get
307
00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:21,904
caught groping on
her parents' couch.
308
00:14:22,005 --> 00:14:23,106
That's not what
I'm talking about.
309
00:14:23,206 --> 00:14:24,741
Darlene is different.
She plays sports.
310
00:14:24,841 --> 00:14:25,942
She's tough.
311
00:14:26,043 --> 00:14:27,310
Well, she's got a new sport.
312
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:33,250
You know, you're just all
upset about this because of you
313
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,018
and Darlene being so close.
314
00:14:35,118 --> 00:14:36,319
I'm close with Becky, too.
315
00:14:36,419 --> 00:14:38,021
Well, you never got
this upset about Becky
316
00:14:38,121 --> 00:14:39,056
doing the same thing.
317
00:14:39,156 --> 00:14:40,390
Becky's older.
318
00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:43,126
No, it's about the
fact that ya'll sit here
319
00:14:43,226 --> 00:14:45,028
and watch games on TV together.
320
00:14:45,128 --> 00:14:46,929
And you work in
the yard together.
321
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:50,467
And then you shoot hoopies
out in the driveway.
322
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:53,736
Hoopies.
323
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,742
I mean, I'm not, you know,
excited about it, either.
324
00:14:59,842 --> 00:15:01,478
But it's not like
the end of the world.
325
00:15:01,578 --> 00:15:04,047
I mean, face it, honey.
326
00:15:04,147 --> 00:15:05,715
Your son is becoming a woman.
327
00:15:08,751 --> 00:15:09,552
Hi.
328
00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:10,553
Hi.
329
00:15:10,653 --> 00:15:12,422
- How did it go?
- Great.
330
00:15:12,522 --> 00:15:14,291
I'm going to go upstairs
and jump up and down now.
331
00:15:22,165 --> 00:15:23,032
Goodnight, Becky.
332
00:15:28,471 --> 00:15:29,339
Oh, it's just you.
333
00:15:29,439 --> 00:15:30,240
Huh, sorry.
334
00:15:32,942 --> 00:15:34,644
So how was your date?
335
00:15:34,744 --> 00:15:36,879
Oh, he's a great kisser.
336
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:38,981
But it's not like you
would know the difference.
337
00:15:39,082 --> 00:15:41,184
Did you get felt up?
338
00:15:41,284 --> 00:15:42,185
No.
339
00:15:42,285 --> 00:15:43,220
Ha, I did.
340
00:15:50,793 --> 00:15:52,061
I don't believe you.
341
00:15:52,162 --> 00:15:53,696
It's true me and
Brian made out tonight.
342
00:15:53,796 --> 00:15:54,864
And he went up my shirt.
343
00:15:54,964 --> 00:15:55,798
What?
344
00:15:55,898 --> 00:15:57,434
But you guys never
even went out.
345
00:15:57,534 --> 00:15:59,969
So? we play basketball
almost every day.
346
00:16:00,069 --> 00:16:02,505
Well, it's not the
same thing, Darlene.
347
00:16:02,605 --> 00:16:04,307
Anyway, how do you know he's
not going to go to school
348
00:16:04,407 --> 00:16:05,742
Monday and tell everybody?
349
00:16:05,842 --> 00:16:08,678
I told him I'd
punch his face in.
350
00:16:08,778 --> 00:16:11,814
That could work.
351
00:16:11,914 --> 00:16:13,583
Mom and Dad sort of caught us.
352
00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:15,618
Oh, God, did they freak?
353
00:16:15,718 --> 00:16:17,854
Not yet.
354
00:16:17,954 --> 00:16:20,290
So how was it?
355
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:22,425
The kissing is
pretty good, I guess.
356
00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:25,495
Well, what about
the other stuff?
357
00:16:25,595 --> 00:16:27,797
Better than volleyball,
and yet not quite as good as
358
00:16:27,897 --> 00:16:30,600
hockey.
359
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:32,902
Look, Darlene, you
can't be doing this, OK?
360
00:16:33,002 --> 00:16:35,138
You got to make guys
treat you a certain way.
361
00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:37,240
You got to call the shots.
362
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:39,242
Make them beg, right?
363
00:16:39,342 --> 00:16:42,279
Basically.
364
00:16:42,379 --> 00:16:45,715
My dainty daughters.
365
00:16:45,815 --> 00:16:49,352
Oh, I am so proud
of both of you.
366
00:16:49,452 --> 00:16:50,787
How long have you been spying?
367
00:16:50,887 --> 00:16:51,688
15 years.
368
00:16:51,788 --> 00:16:54,023
I'm getting good at it, huh?
369
00:16:54,123 --> 00:16:55,158
So is it official?
370
00:16:55,258 --> 00:16:56,693
Am I grounded forever?
371
00:16:56,793 --> 00:16:58,261
Why, no, you're not grounded.
372
00:16:58,361 --> 00:17:00,730
We're throwing a special
debutante party to celebrate
373
00:17:00,830 --> 00:17:02,232
this special moment.
374
00:17:02,332 --> 00:17:04,701
Your dad's on the phone
right now hiring the band.
375
00:17:04,801 --> 00:17:05,602
Oh, great.
376
00:17:05,702 --> 00:17:06,969
Torture me, then ground me.
377
00:17:11,774 --> 00:17:12,875
No, no.
378
00:17:12,975 --> 00:17:14,911
I want you to tell me
all about it, lover girl.
379
00:17:17,013 --> 00:17:17,814
No, wait.
380
00:17:17,914 --> 00:17:18,981
I have a better idea.
381
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:19,982
Don't tell me.
382
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:21,651
And then I'll be
really, really surprised
383
00:17:21,751 --> 00:17:22,785
when I read it in your diary.
384
00:17:25,922 --> 00:17:26,956
You're hysterical.
385
00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:34,163
So you really go for
this dating stuff, huh?
386
00:17:34,264 --> 00:17:35,097
Who was dating?
387
00:17:35,198 --> 00:17:36,299
I wanted to see
what it was like.
388
00:17:36,399 --> 00:17:37,467
So I kissed him.
389
00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:39,469
And I didn't have to
drown my face and mascara,
390
00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:43,306
like some Barbie dolls
who shall remain nameless.
391
00:17:43,406 --> 00:17:46,309
So I guess you really
showed Becky, huh?
392
00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:47,710
Well, it's not why I did it.
393
00:17:47,810 --> 00:17:48,678
I mean, at first, maybe.
394
00:17:48,778 --> 00:17:52,048
But then that was different.
395
00:17:52,148 --> 00:17:56,052
And then maybe things
went a little too far?
396
00:17:56,152 --> 00:17:57,920
Maybe.
397
00:17:58,020 --> 00:18:00,523
you think he'll ever
talk to me again?
398
00:18:00,623 --> 00:18:04,827
Well, you did use him
like a cheap piece of meat.
399
00:18:04,927 --> 00:18:06,162
Guys love that.
400
00:18:08,931 --> 00:18:10,032
Oh, and what about
you and Robert?
401
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,901
Any wedding plans I
should know about?
402
00:18:12,001 --> 00:18:13,470
You know, while your
father still has
403
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,438
the band on the phone and all.
404
00:18:15,538 --> 00:18:17,540
Oh, right, like I'm going
to let him pick the music.
405
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:25,181
Listen, Girls.
406
00:18:31,654 --> 00:18:42,198
Sex is something that is
not even going to be good
407
00:18:42,299 --> 00:18:44,867
until, you know, you're older.
408
00:18:44,967 --> 00:18:46,002
Mother.
409
00:18:46,102 --> 00:18:47,003
No, no.
410
00:18:47,103 --> 00:18:49,906
We've never really
talked about sex.
411
00:18:50,006 --> 00:18:52,609
And I think we should
have that discussion now.
412
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:55,211
- All right, go ahead.
- Well, OK.
413
00:18:58,881 --> 00:19:02,419
Well, if you were to
like you know, do it now,
414
00:19:02,519 --> 00:19:04,253
I mean, sure, you'd
have some pleasure.
415
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:11,961
But it would be like a lot
better, you know, if you were--
416
00:19:12,061 --> 00:19:13,630
What you're trying to
say is that we're far
417
00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:14,831
too young to go all the way.
418
00:19:14,931 --> 00:19:16,733
Well, both your
body and your mind
419
00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:18,868
have to reach a certain
sort of maturity.
420
00:19:18,968 --> 00:19:19,769
Yeah.
421
00:19:19,869 --> 00:19:21,671
And you don't regret it later.
422
00:19:21,771 --> 00:19:23,806
And hey, you have
to love the guy.
423
00:19:23,906 --> 00:19:24,941
Yeah.
424
00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:28,345
And you know, you would
like to make sure that--
425
00:19:28,445 --> 00:19:29,579
That you respect him.
426
00:19:29,679 --> 00:19:31,047
- Or it's meaningless.
- Or, you know, or that he--
427
00:19:31,147 --> 00:19:31,948
And that he respects you.
428
00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:33,249
He respects you, right.
429
00:19:35,017 --> 00:19:36,586
Beautiful, beautiful thing.
430
00:19:36,686 --> 00:19:38,054
Right.
431
00:19:38,154 --> 00:19:41,257
Well, then.
432
00:19:41,358 --> 00:19:46,796
Well, I guess I feel really
good about our little chat here.
433
00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:48,297
You guys feel good about it?
434
00:19:48,398 --> 00:19:49,366
Oh, absolutely.
435
00:19:49,466 --> 00:19:52,101
Definitely, definitely.
436
00:19:52,201 --> 00:19:53,002
Well.
437
00:19:53,102 --> 00:19:54,136
Well, that's great then.
438
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,037
All right.
439
00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:56,806
That's great.
440
00:19:56,906 --> 00:19:58,541
OK, well, goodnight, girls.
441
00:19:58,641 --> 00:19:59,642
Goodnight, Mom.
442
00:19:59,742 --> 00:20:00,577
I love you, Mom.
443
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:01,844
I love you.
444
00:20:01,944 --> 00:20:03,846
I love you too.
445
00:20:03,946 --> 00:20:04,747
Goodnight.
446
00:20:04,847 --> 00:20:06,883
Goodnight.
447
00:20:06,983 --> 00:20:07,784
How lame!
448
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,152
[music playing]
449
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:15,525
[applause]
450
00:20:15,625 --> 00:20:25,802
[music playing]
451
00:20:25,902 --> 00:20:27,504
Hi.
452
00:20:27,604 --> 00:20:28,971
come on.
453
00:20:29,071 --> 00:20:30,106
Come on, try to get by me.
454
00:20:30,206 --> 00:20:31,541
Let's go.
455
00:20:31,641 --> 00:20:32,809
Let's go.
456
00:20:32,909 --> 00:20:35,712
Let's go.
457
00:20:35,812 --> 00:20:38,781
Hey, my turn.
458
00:20:38,881 --> 00:20:42,118
Roseanne, I know
what this is about.
459
00:20:42,218 --> 00:20:43,285
And I don't need a pep talk.
460
00:20:43,386 --> 00:20:46,389
No, I want to shoot hoopies.
461
00:20:46,489 --> 00:20:47,957
Come on, let's see if
you can get behind me.
462
00:20:48,057 --> 00:20:49,158
Get around me.
463
00:20:49,258 --> 00:20:52,495
OK, give me the ball and
I'll inbound it to you.
464
00:20:52,595 --> 00:20:53,730
What's in bound?
465
00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:54,731
Another word for sucker.
466
00:21:01,203 --> 00:21:03,940
Did you tell Darlene about the--
467
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,509
I told her to slow down.
468
00:21:06,609 --> 00:21:07,844
That all?
469
00:21:07,944 --> 00:21:10,980
Well, I told them that sex
wasn't even going to be that
470
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,083
great till they were like 27.
471
00:21:14,183 --> 00:21:16,453
27?
472
00:21:16,553 --> 00:21:19,055
Well, maybe that's just me.
473
00:21:19,155 --> 00:21:20,056
Well, you were there for me.
474
00:21:20,156 --> 00:21:21,458
That's all that's important.
475
00:21:24,527 --> 00:21:25,928
Well, no matter
what I said to them,
476
00:21:26,028 --> 00:21:27,564
I mean that can't
compare to what they're
477
00:21:27,664 --> 00:21:29,499
up there saying to each other.
478
00:21:29,599 --> 00:21:33,736
Want to make some popcorn
and go up there and listen?
479
00:21:33,836 --> 00:21:35,605
Nah.
480
00:21:35,705 --> 00:21:39,442
You want to watch
TV. 's Bonanzas on.
481
00:21:39,542 --> 00:21:40,577
Nah.
482
00:21:40,677 --> 00:21:41,811
I think I'm just going
to hang out down here
483
00:21:41,911 --> 00:21:44,447
and try and sink some more, OK?
484
00:21:44,547 --> 00:21:46,849
OK.
485
00:21:46,949 --> 00:21:53,790
[music playing]
486
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:58,390
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