All language subtitles for Remington Steele s04e22 Bonds of Steele.eng

- Minor emergency. Either the lab mixed up, or I've got hepatitis!
- What?

Don't go back to Unidac.
This is getting too dangerous.

We need to access their computer
and find out what goes on in that room.

Pay dirt! Room G949 is assigned
to something called Project Omega.

Now, if you just tell me
what the case concerns-

- Omega.
- How do you know about Omega?

- I don't know anything about Project Omega!
- She's lying.

Help!

Steele here.

Uh, sorry, tried to reach you.
A slight change of plans.

I have to meet Miss Holt
with a client this morning.

We'll just have to push
everything back an hour.

Can you do that?
Splendid.

I'll see you then.
Faster, Fred.

Mr. Burnett's office.

Oh, I'm- I'm sorry.
Mr. Burnett will have to cancel today.

Thursday?
Um, let me check.

Thursday would be fine.

Good-bye.

Alessandra Henry?
Remington Steele.

- My associate, Laura Holt.
- Thank God.

- You said it was urgent?
- This way.

- I'd say urgent was an apt description.
- Good Lord, the man-

- I know.
- Why didn't you call the police?

- Because I killed him.
- What?

I mean- I mean-
It looks like I killed him.

- That's my letter opener.
- Uh-huh.

- And look.
- Okay.

"Dear Alessandra,
I'm going back to my wife.

I don't want to fight about it anymore. "
Uh-huh.

I can't delete it.

It's locked in
the main computer somehow.

Whoa, slow down.

Were you and Burnett
having an affair?

No. There were rumors,
but it's not true.

He had a bad marriage, and
I was someone to talk to- a friend.

- Oh.
- Oh, come on.

- Does he look like my type?
- Oh, it's hard to tell from this angle.

- Sorry.
- Go on.

Last night, Dave called and- and said
something strange was going on here.

He wanted to meet early
and talk about it.

I came in, and there
he was. Skewered.

Ah, excuse us just
a moment, will you?

Um.

- They Won't Believe Me.
- Who won't?

Robert Young, Susan Hayward.
RKO, 1947.

Young tries to disguise his girlfriend's
death, but then-

- You think she's lying?
- Um-

- Well, in Robert Young's-
- If I were the killer, I don't think...

I'd hire a pair of hotshot
detectives to investigate.

- No harm in provoking a conversation, Laura.
- Thank you, Phil Donahue.

- May we continue?
- Sure. Go ahead. Fine.

Do you know what your boss meant when
he said something strange was going on?

I think this
whole place is strange.

I'm just working here till I finish
my Ph. D. dissertation in Dostoyevsky.

What is your-
What did your boss do?

Procurement Division,
middle level associate cost accountant.

- Oh.
- I was never sure exactly what he did.

G949.

It's possible Burnett was trying
to hide this from whomever killed him.

That would be
Building "G," Room 949.

- What goes on there?
- Beats me.

I don't know what
goes on down the hall.

- Shall we, Mr. Steele?
- Yeah, good idea.

But, what about Dave?

I'd vote against
moving him for the nonce.

Well, we can't just
leave him there!

Why not? Mr. Burnett's
a very busy man.

- Good to see you, Dave. Take care.
- Nice meeting you, Dave.

- Let's have lunch sometime.
- I think I'm gonna throw up.

Just business as usual.

Mr. Burnett's office.

I'm sorry, Mr. Burnett's
in conference now.

Can we get back to you?

Here we are.
G940.

G942-

Are you in a hurry?
You've been doing that all morning.

No, it's just running slow, that's all.
947, 948.

It's obviously around the corner.

G901.

902. 903.

Excuse me, but-

- Beginning to fall in love with this place.
- We can't seem to find G949.

That's not my department.
Check Building Facilitation.

- Building Facilitation?
- Sounds almost obscene.

G949.

G949. Yeah. There it is.

But that's exactly where we were,
and there isn't any G949.

That's impossible.
If the room is here, the room is there.

Well, perhaps you'd like to
come with us and see for yourself.

I can't do that. That's Building Coordination.
I'm Building Facilitation.

Could you at least tell us what goes on
in this nonexistent room?

Uh, that information's
classified. Red Flag.

Well, whom do-

Whom-Whom would we see
to get more information?

Who authorized you
to make these requests?

Never mind.

I'm sure Central CenCom probably
gave us the wrong information.

- Hmm.
- Thank you.

Burnett was right.
Something strange is going on here.

Yeah. Oh, no.

We may be too late
to figure it out.

Right you are, sir.

Payroll supervisor, Orange Division.
I need to see Burnett.

I'm sorry.
Mr. Burnett asked not to be disturbed.

It's extremely important.

Mr. Steele, Miss Holt.
Mr. Burnett's been expecting you.

- Good.
- Please excuse us.

- I don't know if I can keep this up.
- You're doing fine.

We have to get back to the office
and see if our resident computer expert...

can tap into
the Unidac system.

- Think you can hold on for a few more hours?
- Do I have a choice?

That's the spirit.

- Ah! Damn!
- What's the matter?

Oh, I should have been at the doctor's office
half an hour ago.

- The doctor's office?
- Yes. A few tests came back negative.

Listen, try not to worry about it.
I'll see you later.

Okay? Bye. Bye-bye.
Yeah. Sorry.

- Good morning, Mildred.
- Good morning.

I told him to put it out.

Hey.!

- Norman Keyes, Vigilance Insurance.
- I remember.

- And you're?
- Estelle Beck-

This is Estelle Becker.
Listen, honey, where's Steele?

- Out!
- I can see that. When will he be back?

Look, Keyes, we're right
in the middle of a case, so if you don't-

No, I understand, but Miss Becker here
has some business to discuss with your boss.

- What kind of business?
- I'm afraid that's privileged information.

Just when do you
expect Mr. Steele?

- Your guess is as good as mine.
- We'll come back later then.

- Sorry for the intrusion.
- When you see him, honey, give Steele a message for me.

You can run, but you can't hide.

That guy should
be checked for rabies.

What do you think
that was all about?

I have no idea, but
I'm sure we'll find out.

Right now, we have
more immediate problems to deal with.

There is a dead man sitting in an office
at the Unidac Corporation.

The secret to his murder is
somehow connected to Room G949.

We need to access their computer
and find out what goes on in that room.

The computer system hasn't been built
that can contain Krebs.

Great. I'll start
checking on my terminal.

- Okay.
- Ah, Mildred...

did Mr. Steele mention
to you anything about...

medical tests?

- No. Why?
- Try not to think about it.

- Mildred.
- Mm-hmm?

That, uh, friend of your nephew's-
the Latin tutor?

- Clarissa?
- That's the one.

- Has he mentioned her lately?
- Every time he calls.

Where is she these days?

UC Santa Barbara,
tutoring her head off.

Has Mr. Steele mentioned
her, by any chance?

- Something on your mind, honey?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm just thinking
of past cases.

Pay dirt!

Room G949 is assigned
to something called Project Omega.

- What's Project Omega?
- I don't know.

This could take a little while longer.

Tell Mr. Steele I'll be at Unidac.
If he's interested.

- Where's Mr. Steele?
- Like Mr. Burnett-

in another place.

- How are you doing, Clarissa?
- It's Alessandra.

Oh, Al- Uh-
Right. Sorry.

Every time people pass by, it's like
Edgar Allan Poe's "The Telltale Heart. "

I think they know what's going on,
and I want to scream.

Seven years of advanced
study in literature down the drain.

I haven't even
taken my orals yet.

Look, all you have to do is keep people
believing in a man who isn't really there.

I've done it for four years.
You can do it for one day.

What are you talking about?

We'll laugh about it
over coffee sometime.

Right now, I need you to keep your head
and tell me where Unidac would keep...

personnel files on a red-flagged project
called Omega.

- Yes?
- Laura Holt, Q. R.S. Division. Level 7.

Procurement and Applications.
Background check for PBY14.

Right.

What are you doing in here?

That is an excellent question.
What am I doing in here?

How can I, wearing bogus I. D...

get my hands on a red-flagged
project without being challenged?

- You got an answer, mister?
- Well, I-

- Who are you?
- Security.

And you're going on report!

- But I didn't know. I thought that-
- Thought what?

Please, my record is spotless.

I'll let it go as a warning this time...

but you'd better straighten up
and tighten up, mister.

You can count on it.

Laura Holt,
report to "T"section, Room 405.

Laura Holt to
"T"section, Room 405.

Hey.!
There's somebody in here.!

Oh!

Somebody shut this thing off!

Help!

Ah, there you are, Laura.
I've been looking everywhere for you.

Listen, buster, get that cigar out of my face,
or I'm gonna use your forehead for an ashtray!

That's very good, Mildred.

Listen, honey, I just want
to see Steele for a few minutes.

I told you,
I don't know where he is.

Why don't you go play in
the traffic till he gets back?

Okay, Krebs, forget it.
I was gonna do you a favor:

offer you a job with Vigilance Insurance,
but I guess after this place folds...

you could make it
as a stand-up comic.

- Let's go, Estelle.
- Wait a minute.

- What do you mean, "when this place folds"?
- See you in the breadline.

I love this job.

- You're disgusting!
- What? Because I like seeing justice done?

You don't care about justice.
You're just determined to nail Steele.

Come on, hey, you got me wrong, honey.
This isn't personal.

I sat on what I knew about Steele for
a long time because it didn't affect my job.

But when my boss tells me he's putting
Remington Steele on retainer...

and that I have to report to that fraud
on major cases- baby, that's business.

It's my job to deal
with informers, Keyes...

but that doesn't mean I have to like them.

Come on, Estelle, don't be naive.

I thought you might have been
a little grateful, Laura.

After all, I thought it was pretty good
detective work on my part.

Mildred told me you were at Unidac.
Alessandra directed me to the file room.

I heard you paged
on the loudspeaker and then-

- All right! I'm grateful! Satisfied?
- All right.

Yeah.

Oh, hi, kids.
Norman Keyes has been looking-

I would have been a lot more grateful
if you'd been with me in the first place.

How was your doctor's appointment?

Just took a little longer
than expected. That's all.

I'll bet! How did you get there? Walk?

What's gotten into you- ouch- Laura?

I could've just used you at Unidac.
That's all.

What happened to you, Miss Holt?

You look like
the Bride of Frankenstein.

Thanks, Mildred.

- You find anything more?
- No. Just shooting blanks.

- Delivery for Mr. Steele.
- Ah, thank you, my good man.

Thank you very much, eh?
Here you go. Thank you very much.

- Carry on, Miss Holt.
- Well, I got-

I got a look at some Project Omega
personnel folders.

- Uh-huh?
- They were empty. All of them.

Yeah.

A room that doesn't exist?
Now employees that don't exist?

Um.
Oh, really fascinating.

- Absolutely fascinating.
- Listen, chief.

Norman Keyes and some dame named
Estelle Becker have been looking for you.

- Are you in some kind of trouble?
- Uh, trouble?

What kind of trouble?

I don't know exactly, but-

Phone, hmm?

Remington Steele Investigations.

Hold on a minute.

It's for you, boss. An Ilsa Lund?

- I-I'll take it in my office, Mildred. Okay?
- Who's Ilsa Lund?

Uh-Uh, nurse. Probably with my test results
and everything like that, okay?

Ilsa Lund!

What are you doing?

Ilsa Lund is the name of the character
Ingrid Bergman played in Casablanca.

- Yes, Steele here.
- Remington, hi, it's Clarissa.

- I used the code name, like you told me.
- Yes. Good. Excellent work.

Look, there's been a change in schedule.
It's been moved up to 3:00.

- Is that gonna be a problem?
- N-No. No, no, I don't think so.

I've just gotta take care
of one minor detail here.

I'll handle that, and I'll meet you
over there, okay?

I gotta tell you,
I'm really excited.

Yes. I'm rather fraught with anticipation
myself.

Uh, minor emergency. Either the lab
mixed up my test, or I've got hepatitis.

- What?
- Don't worry, it's not the contagious kind.

Just don't drink out of
my cup for the next 24 hours.

Don't go back to Unidac.
This case is getting far too dangerous.

Take care now.
Be careful. Cheers.

Oh, no, you don't. I wanna know
what's going on around here.

- Mildred, I'm gonna lose him.
- No you won't. You've got time.

Fred's gotta bring
the limo around. Now give.

All I know is that this morning...

when Mr. Steele said he had
a doctor's appointment...

- I saw him get in a car with Clarissa.
- Oh!

So that's why all the questions.

Well, what's the boss
doing with a college tutor?

Mildred, Clarissa's no college tutor.

She's never even been to college.

But Bernard said she's
the most popular girl on campus.

And off too.

Clarissa's the kind who will be popular
with anyone for the right price.

You are kidding!

Th-That sweet, lovely girl-

- What is my nephew doing with a hooker?
- He's her tax adviser.

- Oh.
- The question is, what's Mr. Steele doing with her?

- Go find out.
- You keep working on Omega.

I'll check in as soon as
I've solved this mystery.

Okay.

Remington Steele
Investigations.

- I've got to talk to Mr. Steele.
- Take a number.

- Then give me Miss Holt.
- You just missed her. Can I help you?

This is Alessandra Henry.

Oh, you're the girl at Unidac.
What's up, honey?

The police are here.
What do I do?

Don't panic!

Hey!

Lyle Andrews, Unidac Security.
You've got a lot of explaining to do.

So do you, mister!

You have no right to pull
over a private citizen!

I've got a report here that says you were
in high-security areas without authorization.

Now, that's all I need
to sic the F.B.I. on you.

- Then why don't you?
- 'Cause I know your boss's reputation.

'Cause the feds always
find a way to screw things up.

- Now, who're you working for?
- Sorry.

Look, you're in trouble, lady.
I'm trying to give you a break.

- No dice.
- Look, you're forcing me to call the F.B.I.

If you just tell me what the case concerns,
maybe we can compromise somehow.

Omega.

- How do you know about Omega?
- What is it?

It's top secret.
They won't even tell us in Security.

Well, somebody at your company
found out and was killed for it.

Whoever committed the murder was
very smart. He framed the man's secretary.

Since then, somebody
at Unidac has tried to kill me.

How'd you like to tell your story
to the president of Unidac?

- What about the F.B.I.?
- Forget about the F.B.I.

It sounds like we got
a conspiracy on our hands.

Now, do you want to expose it, or do you
want to stand here being righteously indignant?

Did you actually
see a body, ma'am?

Well, no, not exactly, but she wouldn't
let me in, and I thought-

- Well, I was sure that- - You didn't
see a body, but you called in a murder?

Look, something strange
has been going on around here.

Burnett's been canceling appointments
all day. No one's seen him.

I'm concerned.
Where is he?

- Lunch.
- At 3:30? Who with?

- Well actually-
- Me.

Krebs. I.R.S.

- You just had lunch with Burnett?
- You got a hearing problem?

- Where is he now?
- At the Blue Parrot, tying one on.

You his secretary? I need Burnett's
expense receipts going back five years.

Looks like the guy would
have been better off dead.

Let's go. Next time,
make sure there's a body.

It was the best I could do
under the circumstances.

- You want some water?
- Nah.

I see these things all the time.
Oh.

I- I think I'll sit down
for a minute, though.

- Who are you?
- Krebs. Remington Steele Investigations.

That payroll supervisor
called the cops.

She must be in on it.
Whatever "it" is.

Right. And they're
not gonna stop now.

Whoever "they" are.

- We gotta get that stiff outta here.
- How?

I'm open to suggestions.

Oh, sorry, full load.
You'll have to wait for the next cart.

Oh, sorry, honey,
I got a full load. Next cart, okay?

I didn't realize Unidac
had any ocean property.

Well, it's
the president's house.

He likes to get away from
the plant every once in a while.

Forget it.

So, uh, what put you onto
Burnett in the first place?

That's right.

You didn't mention
the dead man's name, did you?

Got a problem, buddy?

Mildred?

Mr. Steele?

It's all falling apart!

Yeah- Remington
Steele Investigations.

This is StarbrightJewelers.

- Hooray for you.
- Is Mr. Steele in?

- Are you kidding?
- Would you tell him there's no problem?

We're sending the rings over
to the church as discussed.

There'll be a small extra
charge, of course, but-

Oh, wait a minute.
What church?

The Little Chapel
of Perpetual Happiness.

- Blood test, tuxedo?
- Hello?

- County Courthouse!
- Hello?

The Little Chapel
of Perpetual Happiness?

Oh, my-

- Now what?
- Miss Holt?

- Mildred, where are you?
- At the Unidac mail room.

What are you doing there?

Somebody called the cops
on Alessandra, but it's okay.

I put the body where
it'll be lost for hours, if not days.

- Where's that?
- Priority mail.

Mildred, I want you to bring Alessandra
back here and wait for me.

- Where are you going?
- The Little Chapel of Perpetual Happiness.

And now the rings.

The symbol of your troth,
your lifelong commitment to one another.

With this ring, I thee wed.

With this ring, I thee wed.

Lovely.

And now we must ask if there is anyone present
who knows why these two should not be wed.

Let them speak now or-

You'd better believe it, buster!

- U-Unbalanced cousin.
- You fraud! You liar!

Wait! Wait. She-You don't happen
to have any wet sheets, do you?

- You snake! Oh, Ilsa Lund! Blood test! Tuxedo!
- Babbles when she gets excited.

- I'll be right back.
- Oh, put me down.!

Calm down. There you go.
Calm down. Calm down.

- Don't bite your tongue.
- Where are you taking me?

Put me down right here, now!

- No. In you go. In you go.
- No!

- Right in there!
- Let me out ofhere.!

Now.!

Someday, Laura, we're both gonna
laugh about this. Don't worry.

Come back here-

Sh, sh, sh!

Sorry about that. Yes. Don't
worry. She exhausts easily.

She should be down to a dull whimper
within moments. Uh, shall we continue?

Very well, uh-

If there is anyone present who knows-

- Stop the wedding!
- Oh.

This marriage is a complete
fraud, just like the groom.

Norman Keyes,
Vigilance Insurance.

Estelle Becker, Immigration
and Naturalization Service.

Nice to see you
again, Mr. Steele.

I knew you'd pull
something like this, Steele.

- I don't know what the man's talking about.
- Come on, get off it.

The alleged bride here is nothing but
a two-bit tramp with a rap sheet a mile long.

- Boo!
- Watch it, Baldy.

Mr. Steele, as I told you
in our first interview...

a marriage of convenience
cannot be used to establish residency.

Miss Becker, I assure you, this is
not a marriage of convenience.

I deeply, deeply am in love
with this young lady here.

- They've got my vote.
- I'm satisfied, for the moment.

Come on! They're as phony as
a pair of three-dollar bills!

- If you don't mind, Norman.
- This isn't over, Steele.

Jumping ahead a bit,
in the interest of time...

I now pronounce you-

- Boss, we got big trouble!
- Oh, Mildred, can't this wait?

They got Alessandra!

Where's Miss Holt?

- Ah! Laura, just in time. Hi.
- What?

- Alessandra's been shanghaied!
- Mildred, please!

Now, Laura.

I- I'll be back. Okay? I'll be-

Not now, girls.

Out of the road, Bozo!

I don't mean to carp, Laura, but
could you just slow down a tad?

I know how to drive. I happen to be
an excellent driver. Keep going, Mildred.

I'd like to know more
about the wedding, boss.

Oh, it's a Byzantine tale,
Mildred, I assure you.

And one we can chat about
when this case is over.

Now, what happened
at Unidac, Mildred?

Okay, after I ditched Burnett's body, I went
back to the office, and Alessandra was gone.

And I think I know who's got her.

- What do you know about Omega?
- I don't know anything about Project Omega.

- She's lying.
- Look...

I don't know anything
about anything at Unidac.

I'm just a flunky, understand?

A cog, a cipher.
Have you read Kafka?

- Where's Burnett's body?
- I don't know!

- Where's Remington Steele?
- Fellas, I don't know!

I believe her.

In which case, there's no need
for further discussion.

- Where-
- This part of our plan?

Why walk, when you can ride?

Let me have the map.

- I think it's straight ahead.
- Uh-huh.

- Wait a minute.
- Hold on.

Laura, get the map!
Get the map!

We're from Blue Division. Project Zeta
Beta Lambda. Red Flag. Green clearance.

Yellow zone. Arrest these
two people over here, will you?

There's something
reassuring about bureaucracy.

- Let's get Andrews. Come on.
- Yeah.

Feel free to jump in anytime!

No, no, no, no, no,
you're doing just fine, Laura.

Oh, well.

Teamwork, eh?

Amazing,
absolutely amazing!

Well, as far as we can piece together,
Mr. Drury, there is no Project Omega at all.

Phony rooms, phony employees, all part
of a phantom division within Unidac.

Created by Andrews and key personnel who
knew how to manipulate the bureaucracy.

I know my company has gotten
a little top-heavy in recent years...

but I never dreamed anyone
could pull off something like this.

- And Omega is a total fake?
- Except for the money.

Omega was budgeted at $25 million.
Half of that was from a government grant.

That is what the late Mr. Burnett
stumbled onto-

millions of dollars being paid to people
and projects he couldn't verify.

Hmm. Poor sod violated the sacred rule
of corporate existence.

- What's that?
- Cover your behind and don't ask questions.

- Now, we've got a wedding to attend to.
- Care to freshen up first?

Don't worry, I have Handi Wipes in the car.
Come along. There you go. Good day.

All right. Give!

Why are you running off in that
monkey suit to marry a hooker?

Oh, really, Laura, when you say it like that,
it all sounds rather distasteful.

- Clarissa's a wonderful girl.
- I didn't even know you two were dating.

Well, it's a-
It's a bit complicated.

Why don't you start at the beginning
and work your way up to the altar?

Uh, that consulting contract you arranged
with Vigilance Insurance?

- What about it?
- It didn't sit well with Norman Keyes.

It seems he took offense at having
to report to me on important cases.

I don't hear
any wedding bells yet.

Being a petulant prig, he informed
Immigration that I was in the country illegally.

Look, I know you were only trying to help
when you gave me that passport...

- in the name of Remington Steele, but-
- Wait a minute.

Are you implying that
somehow this is all my fault?

Don't punish yourself, Laura.
I bear you no grudge.

You were stranded in London.
A man without a country.

That passport got you back into
the United States, you lousy ingrate!

Laura, Laura, it's very sweet of you
to apologize, but there's no need.

The important thing is
to get me to the church on time.

Stop this car
and let me out.

Sorry, I'm on a rather tight schedule.
The best I can do is slow down.

Laura, come on!

Laura! Laura, wait.
Laura. Laura, wait. Please!

You don't seem to grasp
the gravity of the situation.

If I'm not married to an American citizen
by 6:00 this evening...

I'm going to be thrown
out of the country.

So you're going to waltz down the aisle
with the Happy Hooker?

- Please. This is no time to be jealous.
- I'm not jealous. I'm angry!

- Can't you tell the difference?
- Why are you angry?

- I'm the one who's being deported.
- For some cockeyed reason...

- I expected less of you.
- Less? Less. L-Less what?

Less trickery, less deceit, less of everything
that makes me doubt your feelings for me.

- Would you have married me?
- Of course not!

And I wouldn't have asked you.

I knew if we worked at it hard enough,
we'd find something to agree on.

Laura- Laura, look. I mean...

how could I have asked you to be part
of a ploy, a scam, an arrangement?

- Listen to me.
- So you shopped around...

found the best deal in town
and bought Clarissa!

I rented actually. In fact,
I'm paying by the hour.

- So I really do need these keys, right now!
- No! No!

Telephone. Ha.

- Uh, Steele here. Yeah.
- Remington. I'm sorry.

- Don't be. I'm on my way.
- Could you contact the minister?

I'm only allowed
one phone call.

One phone call?
That has a very ominous ring to it.

Uh, Clarissa, where are you?

Keyes had me busted
for soliciting.

Oh. Oh, Clarissa, look.

If Death can take a holiday,
why can't you?

All I did was give him
my business card.

Look, I gotta go. It's time for
my strip search.

Clar- Clarissa. Oh, God.

- Clarissa's in the clink.
- What now?

Once I'm settled somewhere,
will you visit me occasionally?

With these excursion fares now, you can
travel anywhere in the world for around $99.

That's it?
You're just giving up?

Leaving aside the small matter
of a bride for the moment...

there are legal niceties
regarding marriage...

that cannot be overcome
in one hour and 10 minutes!

You're the Duke of Deception.
Think of something.

Think of something.

I've loved him from
the first moment I met him.

He has all the qualities
I admire in a man.

Honesty.

Integrity.

Compassion.

Sometimes, he seems
too good to be real.

It's almost as though
I invented him.

I'd be the happiest woman alive...

if I could spend the rest
of my life by his side.

Why...

I think that's the most beautiful
expression of love I've- I've ever heard.

It comes straight
from the heart, Miss Becker.

Oh, I want to believe that.

I want this all to work out.
I want-

Hello. Allow me.
Allow me.

Ugh.

Okay, time to cast off.

Vamoose, amigo!

Steele! Steele, you won't
get away with this.

It stinks,
just like those fish!

You can run,
but you can't hide!

I'll be the last thing you see at night,
the first thing you see in the morning.

For better or for worse, Steele,
you're mine. You're mine!

Incurable romantic.

Hysterical because
he can't be my best man.

Yes, uh, shall we, my dearest?

Yes, my darling.

- How do I look?
- They say all brides are beautiful.

You're sure this marriage
isn't even remotely legal?

- Laura, when I make a bargain, I stick to it.
- Okay.

We have a phony marriage license
and fake blood test results.

But what about the captain?
He still has the authority to marry us.

Mmm.
Absolutely correct, Laura.

Then what
are we doing here?

Juan's not the captain.

- Who is he?
- He cleans fish. He's very good at it actually.

I do.

- Uh, s�.
- Ah, s�.

- How long do we have to maintain this charade?
- Not long.

How long?

Two years, at the outside.

Two years?

Anything less, and it's not a valid marriage
in the eyes of Immigration.

Your turn.

Ah, s�.

I think this is the point where
we plight our troth with a kiss.

How are we gonna
keep this up for two years?

By being the happiest married couple
in America.

But we're not really married,
you conniving con man!

And that's exactly what Keyes will be
trying to prove, my blushing bride.

Don't you just love weddings?

I just hope I can get this one
to stand up in my report.

What are you talking about?
We're past the three-mile limit.

This is legal as hell.

- This is the worst day of my life!
- Laura, how can you say that?

The honeymoon hasn't
even started yet, hmm?

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