Original subtitles

Hey Warden, when is he going?

Taking him down now.

Guess you think there should be a pardon Warden.

Looks bad.

How do you think he will take it?

Like a soldier my boy.

No ketchup? This is the worst last meal I ever had.

Sorry Jackson, here's the Warden.

Surely glad to see you Warden. So the Governor came throught

with that stay, I knew he would he's a very good guy.

Sorry Jackson, no word from the Governor.

Sorry.

No word?

No word, ah?

Well, I know who to vote for next time.

Come on Jackson.

Nice cosy little nook.

So that's it. Mind if I take a look?

I wouldn't advise it.

You're getting soft Warden.

Gas. Haven't even put in electricity.

Right in here, Jackson.

I'm going to grant you a special privilege not often given to a man

in your position.

It's what you've asked for. The chance to tell your story to the newspapers.

To get a cough off your chest. Thanks, Warden.

See you in a while Jackson.

I'll be right here.

Mr Jackson I think you're wonderful. You've really got what it takes.

I ain't exactly a cream puff. Cigarette?

Nevermind. Thanks George.

There might be a saw in that one.

Well you've got what I call gutts.

The way I figured... Anybody got a match?

The way I figured if a guy feels in his heart he's taking a phoney rap

it's not so tough to kick the bucket.

It's not so tough to walk that last mile.

It's just... tough to light a cigarette, that's all.

Say Jackson, how did you get into this mess?

Where's the go? Woman?

It's always a woman. You should have seen this woman.

Skin like smooth satin. Beautiful blue eyes.

Dark silken hair. Kind of a gal that make you want to give away your last shirt.

I borrowed this from the Warden. This girl...

How did you meet her? Did she come up to your office?

Did you fall in love with her?

Wait a minute, one at a time.

You may not know this but I wasn't always a detective.

Before they pinned this murder up on me I had the sweetest

sort of racket in San Francisco.

A legitimate business? Better than legitimate, it was profitable.

My office was in the Trafalgar Building, just down the edge of Chinatown.

In Chinatown. No, not right in.

Do you know California Street, in the hill of Stockton?

Coming down the hill on a cable car you could just see my office.

Third floor front. Ronnie was the name, "Ronnie, baby photographer".

I'll never forget that day. For two hours I'd been trying to make that little brat smile.

I threw the book at him every sure-fire trick of the trade

This kid is going to grow up to be a spotser.

He's even wearing out the light.

Quick, snap it!

Watch the birdie!

There you are, another masterpiece.

Sweetheart you're wonderful.

You're wonderful too, Mr Jackson.

That's because I was a kid once myself.

I'm just dying to see those proofs. When will they be ready?

The first thing in the morning Mrs Fong. I'm sure you'll like them.

Goodbye you little rascal.

Hold them off! Give Mr Jackson back his fingers!

Time! Time! Hold them off!

Doesn't he get meat at home?

You happy little Gourmet.

He's sweet though. Let me see.

"Baby photographer. A fine job for a two fisted he-man like Ronnie Jackson.

I had promised to have pictures of the kid ready by morning so I got to work at develop.

Must have been about 20 minutes later, half an hour or something like that

when I heard a door slam in the hallway outside.

I knew it was Sam McCloud coming back to his office on a busy day

padding the goods of a fewer sort of croocks and murders.

Sam McCloud, the coolest, thoughest private eye in the business.

I wanted to be a detective too. It only took brain, courage and a gun.

And I had the gun.

I'd figured out a way for Sam to hire me, so I started across the hall.

Already I could see my name at big letters "Ronnie Jackson, private eye".

What I didn't see was the small print underneath: "Rest in peace".

Don't worry your pretty little head about that, baby.

Hi Sam.

Listen baby, it will take more than a couple of guns to scare me

Let's talk it over some rainy night in front of a nice warm fire

I'll bring the matches.

What's on your mind, Ronnie?

Matches... No, I mean, look Sam, it came today, license and everything

now can I be your partner?

I told you before, stick to watching the birdie and you'll die of old age.

But I was cut up for this kind of life.

For all my life I wanted to be a hard-boiled detective like Humphrey Bogart,

Dick Powell, even Alan Ladd.

Have those beautiful women coming into the office, those warm fires and those rainy nights

that's the kind of life I want. How about that Sam?

Smooth, ah?

I can be a lot of help to you. Here's my latest inventions, right here.

A camera with a keyhole lens.

Takes pictures throught doors. I've been kicked out of five hotels already.

How about that Sam? Can I go to work for you?

Just give me a simple yes or no.

No.

That's too simple. Why don't you give a little thought?

I'm going to Chicago for a few days. I'll leave the door open

so you come through and answer the phone.

Little stiff.

I could go with you, I've got a coat just like that.

I could help you out a bit in case you're around any keyhole work...

You're sure there's nothing I can do for you? Keep your nose clean.

That's the last chance I'll give him.

Keep my nose clean. Answer the phone.

Either go in business for myself. "Ronnie Jackson, private eye".

I could catch those gunned-up hassles over a warm fire even if it wasn't raining

Drink as much as he can.

I suppose you wonder why I act this way. No, every girl that comes in here does it.

I need a detective. Please say that you'll help me.

Yes, but look, I'm just... Please Mr McCloud, please.

Just call me Sam.

This is my type of case. Spit out sister.

My name is Carlotta Montay, baroness Montay.

A baroness?

I feel as tough someone's watching me. Yes, that's me.

I arrived here three days ago on the Queen of Perl], with the Baron, my husband.

Oh, you've got a husband.

This was taken the day we arrived.

Two columns cut from "San Francisco Citizen", he must read.

I'm in trouble, deep trouble.

What's the wheel chair for? My husband is an invalid.

Hasn't been out of that wheel chair in seven years.

You're in trouble. Keep talking.

At the dock I went to get the luggage through the custom

I was gone 5, 10 minutes at the most. When I returned he had disappeared.

That's snatch job. Have you gone to the police?

No. If I go to the police they'll kill him.

Who's they? That's what I want you to find out.

I have no money, but this ring can be pawned anywhere for at least 5000$.

5000 grand is a lot of moolah! You don't have to...

The ring is nothing. We Montay are generous.

If you would just find my husband I would be so grateful.

You will see.

I'll bring the matches. But this isn't necessary.

What's the matter? Listen, they mustn't find me here.

I don't hear anything.

Be at this address as soon as you can.

Would five minutes be too soon?

We're dealing with dangerous men, be careful.

They mustn't know you're a detective. Don't worry your pretty little head

about that, I'll find your husband. Foll that I am.

Somebody's coming.

Guard this map, with your life. With my life?

Hurry.

It's you Mabel, I'm sorry.

There you are.

Come in the studio someday after hours and I'll take your picture.

When everybody's gone, no charge.

Except for the negatives. Come right in. Any time.

What are you waiting for, you want to be a detective, don't you?

See what was that address.

The map, my life.

Smooth.

Small bullets.

Ain't this your camera, Ronnie? Thank you very much.

You don't have to pull no gun on me to kiss me. Any time.

There I was on my own, a missing husband and a dark eyed dreamboat

gorgeous lips in trouble.

What a parallel.

And that mysterious map, the whole thing just like you'd read in the detective magazine.

I head my car to the address the doll gave me and turns out this place is practically

a slipper jump from town.

Later that afternoon I'm driving throught the gates of one of those

upper bracket estates down in the peninsula.

Soon I come to another gate, that sure had been my cue to put the car in reverse.

And then I got a look at the mansion.

What a joint. Must have been something left over from "Wuthering Heights".

The kind of a house that looks like you've been hunting quails in the hallways?

I didn't know it then, but I was going to be the quail.

Beautiful day, is it?

Maybe it isn't so beautiful.

It is day, though.

But it's late.

Sort of.

Allow me.

Dr Lundau, good afternoon. Good afternoon, Kismet.

Baroness Montay is expecting me.

Pronto. Yes. Won't you come in?

Pronto.

Nice cheerful place. What time do they bring the mummies out?

Very amusing sir. Madame la baronesse is in the living room.

Shall I announce you? Nevermind, I'll take it from here.

May I help you with your coat?

Pardon sir, your collar.

Here we are. Thanks Cuddles.

Very amusing.

Miss Montay. Hallo. Pretty song, isn't it?

Pretty, but you were so anxious...

Quick. First I must know this. Are you a man who's afraid of danger?

No, you can get as close as you like. I'm with you to my dying breath.

Please you mustn't. Yeah, better not leave any fingerprints.

Listen, my uncle baron Montay came to this country

Your uncle? I thought you said the guy was your husband.

I had to have your help. I know men.

Somehow they always seem to be more interested in the problems of young wives

with older husbands.

No, it just seems I would to you. Please listen.

My uncle came to this country on a very important mission.

So important that he wouldn't tell anyone about it, not even me.

You uncle, not your husband. Well, did I quote you any rates, I may work cheaper.

Please, not now. Too fast, OK.

Did your uncle have any enemies? Not that I know of.

How about this house? Who lives here?

It belongs to a major Simon Montague.

He was a former business partner of the baron's.

When my uncle disappeared I was frantic. Sol called major Montague

and he offered to help me.

What do you know about him? My uncle trusted him placidly.

And still he treats me like a child. Tells me not to worry.

Says that he's handling things.

And all the time I feel as though I'm being watched.

And he's been sweet and kind ever since my arrival.

Getting kind of dark in here. We were talking about you.

Something flattering I hope? Maybe I shouldn’t listen to it.

If there's anything warm to my heart it's finding out people like me

as much as I like them. I don't believe I've ever had the honour sir.

Mr Craig. Hi Mr. Craig. Glad to see you.

I thought your name was Craig I'm Craig too, that's quite a coincidence.

Major Montague I met Mr Craig on shipboard.

Still a little seasick. It's a pleasure, son.

Anything I can do for you while you're in the country, you just speak up.

Thank you sir.

Would you have a cigar? No thanks, I'm driving.

Craig, where have I heard that name before?

Madame, there's a phone call for you. Please take the message.

After all Carlotta, it may be important.

Yes, you're quite right.

Excuse me Mr Craig.

All right sir, now we'll quit playing. Yeah.

How do you do Mr McCloud?

Craig is the name, Elliott Craig. I was on shipboard...

You know that... You're a private detective.

Yeah, just call me Sam.

Just to show you my heart's in the right place I'm going to help you

do a little detecting. This way, son.

Coming dad.

I may have a little surprise for you.

You pardon us gentlemen, this is Mr McCloud.

Mr McLoud I'd like you to meet... The man in the picture! Baron Montay!

How do you do? She said you'd been snatched!

You have my word for it, I'm not a mirage.

Yeah, but she told me, she seemed so... I don't get it.

Such a lovely girl, the very flower of a young woman, too.

Perhaps Dr Lundau can tell you about her. I believe you've met the doctor?

Yes, we had a long talk outside. Beautiful day, isn't it?

I said that. Well Mr McCloud, as you perhaps know

it is not the habit of a psychiatrist to put on display the skeletons

in anyone's family closet. However, I believe you are entitled to an explanation

of the strange behaviour of baron Montay's wife.

Wife? She just told me she was his niece.

Last week she was his little sister. It is not funny, major.

For the past six months Mrs Montay has been suffering from an acute form of schizophrenia

accompanied by visual elaboration and increasingly severe paranoid delusions.

And how was she mentally?

I'm afraid Mr. McCloud is a Harvard man. I am not.

Fermounth High, Cleveland.

Won't you sit here, please?

I'll try to simplify the case. Make it easy on yourself

I've had along...

Miss Montay has an obsession that her own life is in danger.

She believes that her uncle has been kidnapped.

Gee... I mean, why don't you bring her in here and show her the baron?

That's what I'd do.

No senor. It would be too severe a mental shock.

My idea is to break down her fear with suggestive therapy.

Does she snap her cap very often? I mean when you invite somebody for dinner

do you take away her knife and fork?

She's only dangerous when she's emotionally disturbed.

You must have come across many similar cases in your business, Mr McCloud.

Did you? Oh, me. Sure, I can take those kids on or leave them alone

and I usually leave them alone. I forget that...

I must get back to the office and file some fingernails, fingerprints...See you then.

My heart goes out to that poor unfortunate girl.

Her mind is all mixed up.

It's down right piteous. I supposed she even said something about a map.

She even gave me one to hold for her. Mysterious map, missing uncle.

Pretty corny. There was something about the way she looked that made me suspicious.

The way she looked I didn't care. But you kept the map?

Sure, why not? She may not have it up here, but...

Thank you Kismet.

Watch yourself, son.

Come in, Carlotta dear.

Nutty as a fruitcake, with all that beautiful frosting.

I was just saying to Mr Craig that anytime he's in the neighborhood

he should feel free to drop in and have a julep with us.

If you'll all excuse me.

Don't go major, you know the old saying "three is company two is a crowd".

You'll take care of yourself, son.

Here we are alone at last. Goodbye.

Do you know who that phone call was from? Napoleon?

Her schizo is about to phrenia.

Why did I get up today?

I just spoke to my uncle. That's funny, so did I.

Who? My uncle, baron Montay.

He told me not to worry, but I'm terribly disturbed.

Emotionally? Yes, he said he was safe.

He's safe alright, I mean... he's safe alright!

But he's not safe, I know he isn't.

No, he's in a terrible spot.

But I feel he's in great danger. Yeah, in great danger, but he's safe alright.

He's safe. Sound like an umpire.

Don't you see? Someone forced him to make that call.

Someone who wants me to believe that nothing is wrong.

Mr McCloud, I don't know what to do. I'm at my wits' end!

I passed there an hour ago.

What's the matter with you? Me?

You better take the ring back.

Mr McCloud, Sam, you wouldn't desert me, not now?

No, I just remembered I've got a date with J. Edgar Hoover, kid never makes a move

without me... But Sam!

You said we were in the same together, that you would stick with me

till your dying breath. And I'm getting too close to it.

Don't get upset Miss Montay, you just listen to the major

He's a very fine man. He likes you.

So they've been talking to you. They've been telling you things.

You're crazy... I mean, you're being silly! Nobody's been talking to me.

I haven't even been talking to myself.

Yes they have, they told you something. And you believe them.

No, I'm on your side.

Now I know who's at the bottom of all this, major Simon Montague.

No, we're in this together baby. Please don't believe them, Sam.

Say you'll help me. Please.

Please, baby, do it to mama.

Mama knows best.

Darling promise me you'll guard the map with your life.

Yeah the map... map? The map. Let me take this.

You can open the mail man later. Gee... 6 o'clock already... so long.

"When I got out of the house, was just starting for my car when I realised

me and my gun had parted company. Holster and all.

I figured little Miss Screwball must have lifted it when she kissed me.

I started to go back for it but I changed my mind.

I spot a high window around the corner of the house and decide to climb up

and take a gander. I figured the only way to get the inside dope is from the outside.

Dope. Sol scampered up the hill in about three jumps like any other goat

And what do you know? The guy who told me he couldn't walk is out of his wheelchair

and sashaying around chippers at jaybird.

Then I knew Carlotta wasn't nuts. I get out my Brownie

and I'm all set to snap when the laughing boy gets out of his chair

and starts for the window. I figure he sees me.

But no, he pulls up the shade right my kisser like it was ladies night in a Turkish bath.

I'm stymie, but only for a second. The keyhole! Here's where my gadget pays off.

The greatest invention since the Albany night ball.

This will do what I says. Next stop Rose Gallery.

Watch the birdy... click.

Ah Carlotta. What am I saying?

He saw the baron. He took a picture.

Get that camera before I take the height of you.

All right. There he goes.

Hurry. Close the gate.

Steep on it.

Come on take this shortcut.

Too fast for them.

We've lost him. He must have taken the other road. Turn around!

Ehi you big road hog, why do you...

Hallo honey this is Joe. Come on up Joe, where have you been?

That Joe. What a man he must be.

Open. Don't, it's the finance company.

I must remember this address.

That will cool you up, Joe.

Didn't think you'd do after that bath we had.

You doll, you.

We both came through like men.

Hallo operator, get me the State Police. Yeah, I'll hang on.

Pretty rocking. Smooth though.

Cuddles, eh?

Operator? Nevermind that call.

Very subtle of you to include the negative.

When I came to I was playing post-office with the floor.

I had a lump on my head the size of my head.

Inside Toscanini was conducting the annual concert with real blacksmiths.

I looked to the bottle of old pile driver and decided to stick to the double malts.

Then those kids with the hammer started pounding again...

but the thumping wasn't in my head.

There was somebody knocking on the door, and it wasn't McClouds', it was mine.

My door in the other room.

Oh it's you. Here I am Mr Jackson.

My head... How did it come out?

Yankee 4, Cleveland 7.

A man of your responsibilities shouldn't drink.

Who's drinking? That's a bottle of bean butter.

I want my baby picture.

Picture? Wait a minute.

Where are you going? Just a second, wait.

They got it. It's gone. Gone?

Let me see, I had it here and I took it there. That's what happened to sweetie?

No, it's not your baby's picture. Here's the negative, have it developed.

I'm out of business. I'm retired. Remember that if you have another baby.

Quiet, I'm thinking.

Boy, I've got things to do. Important things to do.

What have I got to do? Carlotta!

There he is, that's the fellow. Get it.

Watch him, he's one of the gang. What did you do with the baron?

Come clean you've got in some weenie business. Don't he, fellows?

Beg your pardon, what's going on here?

Don't try to look so weightless with those blue foiled eyes

watch him he's got a knife. Have you got a knife?

Sure I've got a knife. I'm the gardener.

What did you think that I was last time? A chrysanthemum? He tried to prune me.

Hold it bud. ls anyone living in here with the name of... Carlotta Montay?

Who is Carlotta Montay? You know who she is.

She's staying here with major Montague. Who is major Montague?

This house belongs to the Krandals', they've been in South America for 4 months.

Six months. Then he's sub-letting.

Do you mind if we take a look inside? No, please come along. Pardon me.

This way.

I'll show you they're all probably hiding in here.

Stick with me.

What's this? Looks like nobody home.

Nothing personal about that I hope. What do you think sergeant?

I think a rebuke is in order.

Wait a minute, don't get your badges out, you're got this all wrong

they fixed my car, they fixed the gate, they fixed everything

that's their racket and try to make people think everybody's crazy.

Yes, but with you they had a head style.

Hold on, you got to listen to me, you got to trust me fellows

this is the biggest frame up since Whistler's mother.

Wait a minute. Keep moving, you got a long drive

back to town. Let me tell you something.

What? I like long drives.

Get going-

If you bother us again I'll personally punch you in the nose so hard

that it will look like other people's noses. It might be worth it.

Sorry we bothered you. You're not a bad guy for a foreigner.

I'm going to be a citizen. I'm studying for my examination.

Could you gentlemen tell me who was the eight President of the United States.

So long bud.

He's going round to the back.

You know what to do. Sure I know.

Not that you fool. Why did he come back and want to search the house?

He's looking for clues.

He wants a clue to Carlotta whereabouts.

See that he finds one. This one.

Find one.

Looks so easy in those Tarzan pictures.

Her ring!

Seacliff Lodge. That's where she is.

Never leave a clue.

"I knew where the doll was, next move is to find her.

Got back into my Special and start out.

An hour later I spot a sign: Seaclifie Lodge.

Sol try to locate the girl pretending I'm just another guest

looking for a little quiet relaxation.

The place is just what I figured. A summer resort complete with golf course.

Pardon me, how do you get to the lodge from here?

That's where I live, straight ahead, you can't miss it.

Did you notice if a good looking dark haired girl checked in last night?

Can't talk.

Care to play these last three holes? It will take you right there.

Ok, how about my car? They'll send for it.

Crawford is the name, Oliver J. Crawford. Mine's Smithers.

Nine nine. Care to shoot first? Ok.

This girl last night did you notice if she was alone?

Care to make a small wager? A dollar a hole?

Did you notice if she had a...

You have a full nine, there's water down there.

Missed it. Cup must have moved, don't it.

I feel like a pretty good rounded day was off.

Like it, I got out of those traps. I didn't see it.

Right in the cup.

I'll consider that. Thanks.

For a minute I didn't think you had a ball. Tough luck old boy. You're only one down.

Where's your ball? Right here.

Nice slide.

Right on the green. I can't even see the green.

I can. See Smithers, how about that buck you owe me?

I owe you? A dollar a hole.

Nice racket you got. Thanks. George Washington.

Where? He's staying here, you know?

Got the room next to mine.

Keeps me up all night long playing Yankee Doodle on his pipe.

Off key. Why don't you tell Petrullo about it?

Hurry up, quick, grab them, there they go. I'm looking for you chummy.

We're going to see the doctor. Doctor?

Sanitarium? You got me wrong, I'm not crazy.

I know, maybe you'd like some walnuts?

Walnuts? Why don't you grab those nuts, it's strudel and a noodle...

I want you. But I'm ok, I'm sane I'll prove it to you.

Watch this coordination.

It's the wrong hand.

I'll practice a little. See you later.

Come on. Too easy, that's my pinball hand.

We're going to see the doctor. It's no use, but I'm not going with you.

Let's see the doctor.

Watch out or we'll never get that down again.

That's better but there's a part missing.

A thing like this could be permanent.

Cuddles.

Hallo. Do they have bellhops here?

Welcome to Seacliff Lodge.

The map? Where's the map?

You didn't bring it with you that's very bad.

I didn't expect to see you here. Get me out of this angle.

Very bad. Trying to choke somebody?

I don't know what's going on here but I'm not scared.

You've got company, Madame. Carlotta.

Sam, I'm sorry. That's alright baby.

Why did I have to go into this, now I've got you in this mess too.

Don't go feminine on me. Alright.

Don't go masculine either.

Well. I didn't know this was going to be formal.

I'll be right with you boss.

Move in, sit down son. You and I are going to have a little talk.

I'll do the talk and you'll do the sitting.

I'll do the talking.

I'll do the sitting.

The map, Kismet. Didn't have it on.

That kind of changes things. Yes it does.

Sam boy. Recently I offered to buy from baron Montay

the mineral rights of a section of his land.

Unfortunately the baron turned my offer down. He came to this country to make

a deal with somebody else. Who is this someone else and

what kind of mineral rights? You're getting too inquisitive son.

And that ain't healthy. Maybe little carlotta here

is beginning to see the light. You know I'm very fond in Carlotta

and I don't like to see you holding out on me.

Lay off of her you phoney... It's a good thing you're here, I'd be brutal.

Carlotta. Uncle Stephen.

Are you alright? Yes child, they haven't harm me.

Is that your uncle? He looks like the guy in the picture I took.

You should have held on to it, that picture might have spoiled everything for us.

Light, please, Carlotta.

If you don't mind I'd like to acquaint the baron with a few basic facts

You see monsieur le barone, we have you, we have your niece, and...

having Mr McCloud we have the map.

Not yet, you haven't.

Yes, but before the chrysanthemum blooms we will have it.

Please put this away, yes?

Come here, Willie. Let's stop fooling around

I want that map and I want it now.

What you want and what you're going to get are two different things

I'm not the giving kind.

Temper, Kismet, temper.

Don't be so rough with Sam He can take it.

The poor boy's dazed, he don't know what's going on.

I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean to get so fresh.

It's you?

Now, where's the map son? ls that what you want?

Why don't you say so? You don't have to get it the hard way.

Sam, don't. What's the use? They'll beat it out of us

anyway, we might as well tell them.

Go on chummy, you tell them.

I hid the map in the water cooler in my office.

He's lying, I've searched his office.

You looked int he wrong water cooler, the one I mean is in... Sam.

We might as well tell them the truth.

You'll find the map in the water-cooler at the ferry building.

Yeah, the ferry building.

In the water cooler by the newsstand third cup from the top.

We will find out. Tony, should take you about three hours to get to the

ferry building and back. Get going.

Doctor, better register them as patients, in case they should have an amid

with an accident, usual papers will be filled out.

If Tony doesn't happen to find that map...

James Collins.

Sam, can you hear me?

What's up baby? That cigarette you saw me take

from my uncle, there was a message in it from him.

We've two hours to get out of here.

We've got nothing to worry about till Tony gets back.

They took all my clothes. Mine too.

They did? Oh they did..

Have you got a hairpin? This is no time to be thinking

about your looks

Here. Good.

How did you know about that cigarette?

My uncle never smokes so when he asked me for alight I...

He wants us to get in touch with a James Collins.

Engineering Facts Corporation.

I've seen this done a thousand times. Who's this James Collins?

I don't know, but we've got to find him.

It's always so simple,just put the hairpin into the lock, give it a quick twist...

Well, come on in. Get up, we can play jacks later.

Quick, vanish.

It's you. Ok, take me away.

I brought you some grub I fixed it all myself.

I haven't got much of an appetite, if I could take along walk.

Those guys wouldn't let you. You know chummy I like you.

You've got a funny way of showing it. I'm still trying to get the corpuscles

to move back in. I'm sorry.

You just don't know your own strength.

You know Willie I like you too. You do?

Yes sir. What a physique. Bolted down with legs.

And look at those shoulders. And that arm. Like a sack of door knobs.

Recess.

I'm just kidding.

Do you care if I feel your muscle too? No, go ahead.

Look around it's there someplace.

There it is. That's it.

It's just like a woman.

Easy, everything you touch turns to rigor mortis.

With your strength I bet you can take that radiator and just pull it up

and play it like an accordion. Wouldn't that be fun?

You could even take those bars and just bend them apart, ah?

I don't like to brag Go ahead and brag.

Alright.

That's great Willie. Gee you're strong.

You want I should tear up the radiator.

No, that's ok, you've done enough, you're wonderful.

You're solid spinach. You're great, I'll buy you a rabbit late.

Thanks very much. I'll be seeing you chummy.

It got to be neat, you know.

Did you hear that? Yes.

Big detective outsmarted by an imbecile.

We've got to get out of here. In two hours though.

We're caught like rats in a trap.

At least we're a boy-rat and a girl-rat.

Here's your dinner. Thank you.

No use struggling.

See, I told you there was no use struggling. Come on.

No, get the keys.

I'll be your nurse, patient.

Great. This is where I get the new clothes.

We better split up when we get downstairs and meet at my car.

You can't miss it it's a great convertible with a horn that goes "dadadada"

it's a conservative model.

Yes, but suppose they took the keys. Don't need them, there's a trick you can do

with the wires.

Somebody's coming. Act like a nurse.

Act like a patient.

There, there. Nurse?

Phenobarbitol.

I think I do this too well. Come on.

Wait a minute, I see what's in here.

There's nothing here but this mangy old piece of moth paste.

It's mine. Yours? Pretty, isn't it.

We can't use this. Come on.

When we get to the door we'll make a break forward.

Hi you stranger.

How do you do my dear?

Going around with a pretty nurse I see, you'll be getting out of here in no time.

He's one of us.

How many branches does our Government consist of?

Our Government consists of three branches.

What are the three branches of our Government?

The three branches of our Government are...

The legislative, the executive and the judiciary.

What does the legislative branch of our Government do?

It makes the laws.

What does the executive branch of our Government do?

It carries out the law.

Sneaking out, stranger?

It's you.

Practicing again.

Don't leave me.

How delightful.

Wonderful. Wait a minute.

Take it easy, cuddles. Cuddles?

Look I was j...

Marvelous! Come here you coward.

Look you could get a trouble...

Why you dirty rat!

Nothing personal.

Great. Come here, come here...

Why, You stupid, you...

Come on, let's...

Willie, you go that way.

Hey, I don't see him.

Hang out Willie, let's search the woods.

Friend.

How did you get rid of them? You just couldn't stand the details baby.

I just hope I didn't strike them too hard.

It's a good thing we're downhill. I'll release the brake.

What are you doing now? I'll show you the trick with the wires.

We don't need the key.

What the time to hit the jackpot.

You do better with your knife. Shut up.

What happened? Hey, I'm driving.

I'll take it through here it gets a little rough. Thanks.

As soon as we get to the city we'll call Mr Collins.

Or better yet we go to your office and get the map and then we'll go...

Hold it. What's the matter?

I got news for you Miss Montay I'm bowing out.

But Sam you can't. I'm forcing myself.

This kind of life is too rich for my blood.

The little I've got left. I'll get you the map and then we'll call it quits.

Sorry Mr McCloud. Are you always afraid of old men with phoney sort of accent?

What do I owe you? All I know is you came into my office with a phoney Steiner ring

Now I ain't got the ring and I'm stuck with the story.

Put this top up. It's going to rain.

It never rains at this time of the year.

Orange juice.

Here we are. Ronnie Jackson, photographer for babies?

That's me.

Where's Sam McCloud? He's out of town. A top break for all of us.

So you've been playing detective. Yeah but I'm through playing sister.

The last 24 I've been knocked down, shattered, beaten up, knocked down again

and put through the ringer.

And if I'm still alive it's only because the insurance company doesn't want to give up.

They're afraid I would break them.

Here's your map miss Montay. Right water cooler but wrong office.

Good bye.

Alright. Goodbye Sam. I mean Mr Jackson.

Bye. And I don't mean see you later. So long sister.

Wait a minute, you can't go out like that, you're soaked to the skin.

I'll manage. Hold steady.

Why do women always act like women.

Here a few things. Who's things?

Mine, pick out what you need.

The ones with the lace are still at the laundry. May I change...

No, it's my room. Over here behind the screen.

You're not a detective but you act like one.

I ain't exactly a cream puff sister.

Guy could use water wings in this business.

Ronnie, I just want you to know I'm not really angry with you.

Why not? I'm grateful for all you've done for me.

Even if you were McCloud you couldn't have accomplished more.

Don't rain up on me. From now on I'm going to stick

to watch the birdie and leave the checks alone.

I think you're a very brave man.

I know a sniveling coward when I see one.

Hi you snivel.

But I've no one else to turn to, won't you help me?

No.

Please. No you don't. What kind of a sucker

do you take me for? Just because you're a girl and I'm a boy and you

throw those big blue eyes at me and let me put my arms around you

and you let me hold you close even closer

you think you can get me to do anything you want.

What do you want baby?

Darling, the first thing we got to do... We're doing it.

We've got to find James Collins. Collins... yes. No, we got to get out of here

this is the first place those characters will look. I don't want that cuddles playing

Mumley pig on my throat. Take those off.

What? I mean... put this on.

I better roll these up first.

Where's my hat?

It's you Mrs Fong. Mr Jackson, stop pushing me.

I'm sorry. Hurry. I'm very disappointed in you.

You teak the picture of sonny smiling for the first time in his life.

And then you give me the wrong... Don't worry about things Mrs Fong

I'll give you your money back. Hurry.

I don't want my money back I want the picture of sonny smiling

for the first time in his life.

Here they come. Hurry up.

Come on, let's go or we'll stay here.

Don't worry about that I'll send you a check.

But you gave me the wrong negative.

"Our next move is to contact Mr James Collins.

His secretary said he had a date that night at a spot called the "Le Poulet D'Or"

From here in we had no worries Montague and his cute little playmates

they were washed up, threw, lost in the shuffle.

"Poulet D'Or" was our next stop, but we didn't look exactly like café society

Sol blew the bankroll and rented a tuxedo for myself

and an evening gown for Carlotta. Boy did she stack up.

I guess she only get out of the thing watch you poor thing do it.

An hour later we're at the "Poulet D'Or", one of those real swanky cafés

where they eat mink for breakfast.

Mr Whitebow has been waiting.

Mr Collins' table, he's expecting us. Yes, he's right there by the window.

Yes, there he is. This way please.

Just a minute bud. Tell that blonde at that table she's wanted on the phone.

Pronto. Certainly, sir.

Pardon me, you're wanted on the phone miss. If you'll excuse me.

Mr Collins, we'd like to speak to you for a while.

I don't believe I've had the... Sit down, start talking baby.

My name is Carlotta Montay, my uncle is baron Montay.

Baron Montay? I don't think I ever...

My uncle told us to get in touch with you.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid you got the wrong man. Waiter, my check please.

Does this map mean anything to you?

Where is the baron?

Hanry! The waiter said you had a phone call for me.

I will check it for you, madame.

The baron had an appointment this Wednesday afternoon in Washington.

In his office, at the Pilgrim Hotel.

Someone must keep that appointment.

Someone will but it won't be the right baron Montay.

Right, our first move is to get the local police.

No, you stay here Miss Montay.

These men are killers. Then I'll stay here too.

Come on. Ok.

If we're not back in forty-five minutes call the police.

All of them. Check.

The tenth precinct police station is the closest.

Good, we'll call from there. But the soonest we get this

in the hands of the FBI the better.

Baron Montay's appointment in Washington Wednesday

was with the State department

This is dynamite. Look Mr Collins, how do you figure in this deal?

I'm a geologist. I worked with baron Montay in Sandimas in fact I drew this map for him.

It shows the location of a great deposit of cryolite.

I don't see anything. It's in code.

Yesterday morning I received a phone call, the voice exactly like baron Montay's

said that there had been a change in plans

that the land was no longer for sale. Do you realise what that means?

Not exactly.

Means that somebody, some other governments perhaps, are after that cryolite.

Cryolite? We can't let them get it.

What's cryolite?

It's an ore. Containing crypto-bar. Crypto-bar? We can't let them get that!

What's crypto-bar? The source of uranium.

Uranium! Now I got you, I read Buck Rogers, too.

Must be that right front. Come on.

I had a hunch this thing's was much bigger than it looks.

That's funny, it's ok. Come on.

Mr Collins, we're here.

Blood. And it ain't mine, it's red.

Keep cool Ronnie. The murder weapon.

Find the owner of this gun and you got the killer.

It's mine. My god!

It's got my fingerprints on it.

I don't care if she has got a girlfriend I'm going home and hit the hay.

I just don't go for any blind dates I'd rather be caught dead.

Ok call her up.

Ehi you. Who me?

You don't expect to get away with this? I'll tell you I didn't do it.

Of course you didn't do it. This fire-hydrant just snaked up on you, ah?

Oh that! Let me see your driver's license.

You got me all wrong officer, this isn't my car.

Isn't eh? I don't drive, I drink a lot and get nosebleed.

What are doing here? I was just cleaning.

Trying to roll that drunk? No, I wouldn't think of it.

How could I roll him. Besides some of my best friends are drunks.

I was just... well I got to go now, it's been fun. (Not too fast looks suspicious.)

So long, it's been fun. (Stop saying that.)

Goodbye now, I got to run now.

Hi fellow.

Stop or I shoot.

Well, who takes care of him, he's a real help to us that boy.

What about the girl? Carlotta is no problem, we have the map.

"When I told Carlotta they'd rapped out Collins it was quite a blow.

But the kid bounced back like a rubber ball.

A nice soft rubber ball. Too bad I wasn't in the mood to play catch.

I was in for keeps now: Ronnie Jackson wanted for murder.

If we were going to save the doll's uncle and Mrs Jackson's boy Ronnie

we had to get something about that gang

that meant our next stop had to be Washington.

But we needed dosh to get there and little Carlotta came through.

We got the last two seats on a plane and by midnight

we were playing tag with the Rockies.

Carlotta was very sweet. She looked after me like a mother.

I guess she wanted to make sure I didn't get away.

And for the skies I was wearing a ten o'clock shadow

I had to play it cagy. The only thing that bothered me was the altitude.

I knew it would get me, I get airsick when I step on a thick carpet.

We hit Washington about noon the next day and we grabbed a cab for the Pilgrim Hotel.

This was the end the ride. The payoff

Ronnie Jackson vs mint julep Montague. My brain pitted against his.

He had the brain and I had the pit.

Suppose they haven't got a room in my uncle's suite?

You just toss that smile on him and he'll give us a joint.

Thanks, Ronnie. Look.

It's nice to see you again, baron. Thank you.

I guess old short brain joins him later.

I'll see about that room.

We would like to talk to you about... One momento please.

Can you tell me the number of baron Montay's suite?

Sorry, he's out of town. I'm Mr Dawson of the State Department.

He's expecting you. Suite 14 C. Thank you.

We'd like a room, something on the 14th floor.

Sorry we haven't a thing.

What about those rooms for Hennessey and McCarthy?

And Kelly? And Schultz?

Oh yes, will you please register?

I thought you said you didn't have a room.

Well, you see, if you were with the convention I could...

Sure we are with the convention.

You certainly don't look like a detective.

I'm not exactly a detective, I'm more of a stool pidgeon.

There at the other hotel... Look!

We must be off, cheerio, pit pit, top holding on... Come, come.

We mustn't be late for tea. I hate soggy crumpets, you know.

So do I. Stiff up bud.

Read all about it. Get your latest.

Police captured killer.

They got me. New York gangster jailed.

It's a New York murder he's yelling about.

Sure, I'm just a San Francisco murderer.

Don't know how much more of this I can take.

You've had me in hot water so long I feel like a tea-bag.

Why don't you quit, I can take it from here.

Sure enough that you got me over a barrel, now that I'm wanted for murder.

For murder. You want me to quit? Let me...

Did you hear that bell ringing? What bell?

They just rang for ice water at 14 C.

And who do you think is going to bring it up? Me. I'm a chambermaid.

Mr Dawson. Boy, bring it back!

I want to talk to you.

Which way? To the right major Montague.

Hey boy, give me a hand with these bags.

This is ice water. There's a blonde in 14A that's on fire. I check.

Stop that comedy and get these bags. It's an emergency, she says...

Come on. Ok,just let me drop this.

Don't push me around. My dues are paid too.

Alright, Tony?

Let's go.

Oh boy, you, that portfolio... The office is in there, Simon.

Put the bags in that room and the portfolio in the office.

Baron, was it easy? I've known Mr Dawson beautifully.

Nice having you again with us baron Montay.

Will you be in Washington long? Not long, a few days perhaps.

Let me tell you about Dawson. Not now, wait till we're alone.

Would you like me to open the window? No, it's quite alright, thank you.

Yes baron. Boy.

Boy. Coming.

Would that be all sir? That's all thank you.

And the other boy? Just a minute young man.

Give this to your friend. Thank you sir.

Ok sucker.

You'd have been proud of me I tell you.

Not Kismet. He's never proud of anybody.

Well? The baron is a stubborn old man.

He still hasn't talked, he pretends he doesn't know the code.

Give me that.

Well, give it in chummy.

Look Willie, we're friends, pals, remember?

Sure. I like you. Let's go tell the fellows you're here.

No, Willie. They'll ruin everything. We're friends, let's be alone.

Here, have some walnuts. Are them yours?

Slip this into your pocket. Gee, thanks.

Have some more. I like walnuts better than almost anything.

Except coconuts. I hate them. They don't get in here.

And they will soon. Just forget that you ever saw me.

I will bring you some peachy nuts, you can crack them with your eyelids. More fun.

You're a pal.

You know who I've just seen? That's the part that's in code.

Go ahead. What are you doing? Cracking nuts.

Guess who gave it to me. Sit down.

He was right... Stop interrupting.

But I just wanted... Shut up.

That ain't no nice way to talk to...

Alright, I'll keep quiet.

Any luck?

Thought you looked a little thin. Anything in the portfolio?

Just this, they're too smart to put anything on paper.

I'd like to shoot it up on them but it's so messy.

I've looked into the filing cabinet.

We got to get something out baby or we're dead ducks.

"We got to get something out baby or we're dead ducks."

I said that.

What is it? That's a recording machine

repeats what you say.

For a guy too fat to hold his secretary in his lap.

Do you know how to work it? Sure, you just speak into this mike

and make a record.

That's it. That's what?

You work the machine I get them to talk.

This is one of the best ideas I ever had.

Marvelous what you can do when you're thinking.

Ok, lead them in.

What was that? I don't know it came from here.

Well, Carlotta. A chambermaid, now?

You see she's dangerous we've got to get rid of her.

Let her go Kismet. We don't want no trouble here.

That's no trouble. I put her in a trunk and send her to my brother in California.

I said let her go. Alright boys we will handle this.

Sit down Carlotta.

Whatever happened to your friend, what was his name, Mr Jackson?

That fool, that imbecile, he never knew when to keep his mouth shut.

You were too smart for him. Now I'm alone and...

too weak to fight any longer.

There's really nothing to fight about honey.

I'll show you what I mean.

I once made you a generous offer concerning this

Yeah, the map.

Now I'm repeating that offer.

There seems to be something missing here. The code.

You get me the code to the uranium deposits in Sandimas and I'll let you both go.

Do you mean my uncle and me? Yes.

I see. Otherwise?

You know what we did to Mr Collins.

What do you mean we? I did.

Always belittle me. When I do a job I do it.

I don't think we ought to waste time arguing between ourselves, Kismet.

Alright.

Well I'll get to think it over for a minute it's a very big decision.

I don't like to be kept waiting girl. No we don't.

Did you hear me Carlotta?

Did you really kill Mr Collins? Who do you think did it?

That baby photographer? That phoney detective?

How do you like that? Such a neat job and artistic. She thinks an amateur did it.

Yes, stop taking pause. I'm not taking any pause.

I'm still waiting, Carlotta.

Did you hear me?

Kismet, I can't believe that you killed Mr Collins.

But I did, I killed him! How often do I have to say it!

That does it, stick them up.

Easy Cuddles, one move and you're a dead midget.

Didn't recognise me? Give me that map, come here baby

Or you're going to be in a crossfire. Now get your friends in here.

Hurry up or I'll fill you so full of holes you'll look like a fat clarinette.

Come on get them in here. Get back there.

Make it snappy. Nice work baby. Alright boys, you can come in now.

Come on. Easy enough fellows.

I've got a bullet in here for each of you. And one left over

in case I can still hear breathing.

You know those dicks downstairs, them I'm giving a little party at 14 C. Hurry.

Will you be alright? Alright this is my type of work.

Line up against the wall. Hurry up I got you all covered.

Back up all of you.

Ok, then I'll back up.

Come on fellows, be sensible. The least you can do is put your hands up.

Why didn't I think of that before?

See this record? It's a little swing number.

And you guys are going to do the swinging.

Willie. What up with Willie?

Give it to me chummy. Walnuts? I don't want to hurt you.

Why you coward? Using you feet, eh?

Sorry. Get after him. Get that record.

Get after him. Get that record.

Look. You come one step closer and I'll break this record into a thousand pieces.

Wait a minute, who's side am I on?

Please fellows, I can't go any higher of the ceiling. I blow my top.

Get him down and get the record.

No reachy nuts? Give it to me chummy.

Ray Milland's been here.

Give it to me. I hate to do this Willie.

What's going on in here?

I'm tenent Hennessey. Tenent! Oh boy am I glad to see you.

Arrest that man he's a crook and a murderer, they're all murderers.

Are you alright? Yeah, thanks.

You got here just in time. What is this?

The young fellow is a little mixed up officer.

I want you all to meet Ronnie Jackson, who's wanted by the State of California

for the murder of one James Collins.

Just a minute, you listen to that record and you'll see who killed James Collins.

Get the record mill-plate... Lock the door!

Come, watch, listen to this, come here.

Stay here Jim. Yes sir.

And that's not all I'll show you I'll fix you characters.

This man is plumb crazy. You hear this I'll send all these guys

to the cooler. That's right Ronnie.

You may have a detective's convention but I've been doing a little sloothing myself

in a modern way with a recording machine. Need any help?

Give me that record. Deck away grammen. Alright.

Gentlemen the record you're about to hear not only clears me of a murder charge

but also exposes a tremendous international conspiracy

which seeks to destroy civilization. Listen.

This isn't the record! I've been framed.

They switched the records on me.

Wait a minute! Before you take him away

in that pocket he has something that belongs to me.

Give me that map, it's not his it's baron Montay's.

Ask her, ask Carlotta. Carlotta?

Let's go killer.

That's about it. You know the rest.

Quick trial, Carlotta never showing up.

Nice deal, women.

Reminds me. We're late.

You're late, in about 5 minutes I'll be the late Ronnie Jackson.

Come on. We got tickets for this thing.

Fine, remember I'm doing this without a rehearsal.

Too tight? Can you breathe? What's the difference?

What is this thing doc? This is a stethoscope.

Still beating.

Hallo Warden. Any news from the Government?

Open up.

Come here son.

You and I are going to take a little walk.

Steady Jackson, you can take it.

Get some water.

Now they lay me down to sleep...

The've got you too?

You look alive. Yes.

Where are we? Look.

Carlotta... You double cross why didn't you come to my trial, where have you been?

Ronnie, you're free. I'm free?

But how? Who did it? You did, with your little keyhole camera.

Sam got this from Mr Fong. He claims rest was just routine.

My keyhole shot of the phoney baron, so you're the McCoy!

Young man, I want to thank you for saving my life.

It was nothing. And I did it. I knew I had it in me.

Maybe I was supposed to be a detective.

That's it, Ronnie Jackson the private eye. No Ronnie, I think you better stick

to taking baby pictures.

I forgot to tell the executioner it's all off.

Harry, off.

Off

He'll take any kind of a part.