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Ladies and gentlemen,
Henry Rollins!
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Thanks for showing up.
Hello, hello, hello.
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Good evening, good evening,
good evening.
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00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:37,772
All right. Thanks!
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00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,647
Thank you.
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00:00:42,731 --> 00:00:45,689
So... before anything,
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just a brief explanation
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as to, obviously, the cameras,
you understand.
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This is being taped. Why?
Portland.
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And this is where you might not
believe me.
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00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,439
Please strip yourself
of your cynicism,
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00:00:58,522 --> 00:01:01,439
which is easy to acquire
in 2018. I understand.
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00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:04,630
But if you can sidestep it
for just a second,
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months and months ago
they said,
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"How about a Showtime special?"
I went, "Well, yeah.
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00:01:08,814 --> 00:01:10,772
Don't throw up."
It's nerve-wracking.
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And they said, "Well,
you have to pick a location."
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So you have to pick a location
where the audience
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is kinda sorta already with you.
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'Cause I don't have the time
to win you over.
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This is not... this is not
an anecdotal or comedic
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arm wrestling match
where I make you submit.
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Like, "All right, all right!
I like it!"
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You just have to kind
of dig me already.
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-Like... right.
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And so...
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Location is key.
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And so they said, "So where
do you want to do this?"
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And this is where you
might not believe me.
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But it's true. I've been
doing shows in Portland
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for literally almost 40 years.
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-And if I had a bad time,
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I personally can't remember it.
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And that... it's-- and that's
real. Like, "Oh, really?"
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00:01:57,689 --> 00:02:00,772
I'm like-- and a lot of time,
in the 1880s--
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00:02:00,856 --> 00:02:02,856
1980s when I was touring,
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00:02:02,939 --> 00:02:05,731
when you're all young rams
at the base of the mountain,
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00:02:05,814 --> 00:02:07,981
there's a lot of fisticuffs
and spit
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00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:11,731
and flying, empty containers
of beer and whatever else.
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00:02:11,814 --> 00:02:14,772
But that-- I don't remember
any of that hostility
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00:02:14,856 --> 00:02:17,439
coming at me from Portland.
So I said, "Well,
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00:02:17,522 --> 00:02:20,397
see if you can get me
a stage in Portland."
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And they did.
And so here we are together.
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00:02:23,439 --> 00:02:25,814
-And so here's the--
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An early memory of Portland,
from before you were born,
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I would come up here to do shows
with Black Flag.
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-And...
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Black Flag made a live album
here... 33 years ago.
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00:02:40,605 --> 00:02:45,355
Ah! That was me and Tutankhamun
and Abe Lincoln and Tom Waits
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00:02:45,439 --> 00:02:49,313
were all talking backstage.
A fantastic night.
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00:02:49,397 --> 00:02:54,355
Anyway, we actually documented
our affection for this city
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00:02:54,439 --> 00:02:55,814
on a live album,
which happens to be
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00:02:55,897 --> 00:02:57,772
my personal favorite record
of Black Flag,
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'cause it was the realest one
'cause it was live.
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00:03:00,564 --> 00:03:05,397
Anyway, here's the one thing
that I found out about Portland.
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00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:07,522
This is an old version
of Portland, it's not...
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00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:10,630
Or maybe it's how
Portland is now.
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00:03:10,147 --> 00:03:11,856
But this is a true fact.
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00:03:11,939 --> 00:03:15,480
I knew a lot of really scary
people in Los Angeles.
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00:03:15,564 --> 00:03:18,897
The people around Black Flag,
some of them were killers,
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00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,313
some of them were drug dealers,
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00:03:20,397 --> 00:03:23,439
some of them were just some
really dark, you know,
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00:03:23,522 --> 00:03:26,689
tough people from
a scary part of L.A.
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The "dirty deeds done
dirt cheap" types.
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And they just kind
of gravitated to us.
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They scared the hell out of me
'cause I'm not a tough guy.
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00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:34,897
And some of these people,
they just--
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I said, "So what do you do?"
They're like, "Well, you know,
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00:03:37,564 --> 00:03:39,647
someone needs to be straightened
out, and I, uh..."
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00:03:39,731 --> 00:03:44,630
Wow. And these people would
have warrants out for them.
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00:03:44,147 --> 00:03:46,355
And you'd-- they would disappear
from L.A.
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Like, what happened to that one,
that one and that one?
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00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,814
Who knows? They might be dead
or in prison.
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00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,313
And that's how
those days worked.
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00:03:52,397 --> 00:03:57,220
You found out that they were
in Portland.
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Yeah. 'Cause we'd be up here
doing a show,
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and we'd be here all afternoon
in like some parking lot
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00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,439
with our miserable, ailing,
about to fall over van.
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00:04:05,522 --> 00:04:08,630
And those guys you hadn't seen
for two years
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00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:10,397
would come up like,
"Hey, man."
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00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,313
And like, "What are you
doing here?"
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00:04:12,397 --> 00:04:14,522
Like, "You know, there's
too much heat in L.A."
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00:04:14,605 --> 00:04:17,188
So I said, "So why Portland?"
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Like, "Because you can just
kinda get lost here.'
85
00:04:20,397 --> 00:04:23,147
And so Portland
was this place I knew
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00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:27,897
where scary L.A. punk rock types
came to disappear.
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00:04:27,981 --> 00:04:31,230
And maybe some of you
are out there right now.
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00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,564
I'm-- I'm still scared of you.
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00:04:34,647 --> 00:04:37,397
And so I wanted to tell you
a few stories
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00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,772
about shows I've done,
because I live to tour.
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00:04:39,856 --> 00:04:42,856
I live to be onstage.
And I've never really physically
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00:04:42,939 --> 00:04:45,105
counted every single show
I've ever done.
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00:04:45,188 --> 00:04:46,439
They're all written down.
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Because I like to keep track
of that kind of thing.
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It's well over 3,000 shows
I've done.
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And that's not all that
difficult to accumulate shows.
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You just keep doing them
and it sure adds up.
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And-- you remember that quote.
And so...
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Charlie Sheen, prostitutes.
Anyway...
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00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:05,564
I have seen all kinds of things.
101
00:05:05,647 --> 00:05:09,731
1987, Michigan. It must have
been hunting season,
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00:05:09,814 --> 00:05:11,105
or close by.
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00:05:11,188 --> 00:05:13,105
Me and my bandmates
are grinding away
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00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:16,220
in front of at least 175 people.
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And they're just like...
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"We don't like it that much."
They're not that into it.
107
00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:23,564
So we're just kind of beating
this dead horse.
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And this thing flies
through the air
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and lands next to me onstage.
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It's a dead deer's head.
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Probably hunted
and killed locally.
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00:05:34,647 --> 00:05:35,939
And so the audience is like,
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"So what are you gonna do about
a dead deer's head?"
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00:05:37,897 --> 00:05:41,188
I will not be bested
by an audience.
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00:05:41,272 --> 00:05:44,355
I have-- I will not be
grossed out by anything
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00:05:44,439 --> 00:05:46,272
anyone can come
into a venue and do.
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00:05:46,355 --> 00:05:49,564
No way. And that's just years
of being underpaid.
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00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:52,355
It just gives you this--
it gives you this callous, like,
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00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,522
"Anything, do it!"
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00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:56,605
And so I pick up
the deer's head.
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00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,939
And everyone kind of goes like,
"Okay. That's kind of gross."
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00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:02,220
So I'm thinking, what can I do
with this deer's head
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00:06:02,105 --> 00:06:04,272
to severely bum out
this audience?
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00:06:04,355 --> 00:06:07,397
'Cause now they've got it
coming. They started it.
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00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:08,981
Like, who-- "What are
you gonna do today?"
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00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,188
"I'm gonna get this deer's head
and go see Henry
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00:06:11,272 --> 00:06:13,220
and throw it at him."
128
00:06:13,105 --> 00:06:15,355
"I'm coming along."
And so...
129
00:06:15,439 --> 00:06:16,814
And that was probably the draw.
130
00:06:16,897 --> 00:06:18,188
It was probably
five people paid,
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and a bunch of people snuck in
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00:06:19,772 --> 00:06:21,689
behind the guy
with the deer's head.
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So I pick up the deer's head
and I have him,
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00:06:23,897 --> 00:06:25,814
rock with the music
for a second.
135
00:06:25,897 --> 00:06:28,814
And find one of Sim Cain's
broken drum sticks,
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00:06:28,897 --> 00:06:32,220
with which I gouge
the deer's eyeball out.
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00:06:32,105 --> 00:06:35,355
And everyone's like, "Ah! Oh!"
And it's really hard.
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00:06:35,439 --> 00:06:37,439
The eyes are really attached.
139
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,897
And so...
there's good stuff in there.
140
00:06:40,981 --> 00:06:43,188
And so... kssh!
I rip this eye out.
141
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:46,856
And I go, "Well..."
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00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:50,272
And it tasted awful.
It tasted awful.
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00:06:50,355 --> 00:06:52,605
And my mission was not
to swallow it.
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00:06:52,689 --> 00:06:54,772
I wanted to give it back.
So, like, chew--
145
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And it exploded in my mouth
releasing this...
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really bitter juice.
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00:07:00,355 --> 00:07:02,647
And see, we're like three
minutes into the show.
148
00:07:02,731 --> 00:07:04,897
You're not going anywhere.
149
00:07:04,981 --> 00:07:08,630
And like what I'm looking at
looks like a comedy class
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00:07:08,147 --> 00:07:09,731
in planes of the future.
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00:07:09,814 --> 00:07:13,897
You're like, you're in 22... Y.
You're not going anywhere!
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00:07:13,981 --> 00:07:16,939
I've got ya! Anyway,
I'm chewing on the eyeball.
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And it starts to kind of become
a jelly-ish thing.
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Perfect for spitting.
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00:07:22,647 --> 00:07:23,939
And so I go...
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00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:26,939
And this like bloody, awful
thing goes out.
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And everyone in the first
three rows got some.
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They're like, "Oh!"
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I went, "Anyone else?"
They're like, "No, we..."
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And they all... they all
completely submitted.
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00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:42,147
They're like, "You win. You
deer-eyeball-eating bastard."
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00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:44,897
-Just...
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00:07:44,981 --> 00:07:48,355
Have I
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00:07:49,605 --> 00:07:51,772
So like I've said,
I've seen quite a bit.
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00:07:51,856 --> 00:07:53,897
And I've been able
to tame audiences.
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00:07:53,981 --> 00:07:58,731
1984, Halloween night, Miami,
at a place called Flynn's.
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00:07:58,814 --> 00:08:00,355
The size of your living room.
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00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,981
The audience, we would play
there all the time.
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00:08:02,630 --> 00:08:04,522
They're angry, we're angry.
Everyone's broke.
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00:08:04,605 --> 00:08:07,313
So I took a plastic cup.
I said,
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00:08:07,397 --> 00:08:10,147
"Fill this full of money,
no pennies,
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00:08:10,230 --> 00:08:12,220
and I'll do something
really gross."
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00:08:12,105 --> 00:08:15,355
The cup is taken away from me.
It fills up with money.
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00:08:15,439 --> 00:08:18,397
At least $4.75,
as I remember.
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00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,355
It bought me an omelet
at Denny's later.
176
00:08:21,439 --> 00:08:22,939
And so I took my shoes off
177
00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:24,939
and I took my socks
I was wearing,
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00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:28,605
my tube socks,
and I wrung out the sweat.
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00:08:28,689 --> 00:08:31,897
And it filled up the entire,
like, eight-ounce glass.
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00:08:31,981 --> 00:08:34,220
And I'll never forget, I said,
"Salud."
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00:08:34,105 --> 00:08:35,981
And there's people going,
"No, no! Don't do it!
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00:08:36,630 --> 00:08:38,605
Don't do it! Don't do it!
Keep the money, don't do it!
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00:08:38,689 --> 00:08:40,731
Don't! Oh!"
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00:08:40,814 --> 00:08:44,397
And I drank it.
And it tasted like socks,
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00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:49,439
ass, but mine. So it's...
it's okay.
186
00:08:49,522 --> 00:08:51,772
It's like,
so that's what I taste like.
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00:08:51,856 --> 00:08:53,814
Glub, glub, glub, glub.
I'm like, ah!
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00:08:53,897 --> 00:08:55,814
They went, "You win. That's...
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00:08:55,897 --> 00:08:57,939
You've beaten
the entire audience.
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00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:02,147
We submit. Play another one
of your 12-minute songs."
191
00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:03,772
And so I've seen quite a bit.
192
00:09:03,856 --> 00:09:06,605
The dumbest show I ever booked,
and it's nothing but my fault...
193
00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:09,355
On the 2016 tour,
I had this idea.
194
00:09:09,439 --> 00:09:12,220
I will play my hometown
of Washington, D.C.
195
00:09:12,105 --> 00:09:13,188
at the beautiful Lincoln Theatre
196
00:09:13,272 --> 00:09:15,313
on the night
of the presidential election.
197
00:09:15,397 --> 00:09:17,188
It will be memorable.
198
00:09:17,272 --> 00:09:20,439
And so I go out in front
of all these people.
199
00:09:20,522 --> 00:09:24,188
And I start talking, and I'm
many months into the tour.
200
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,731
I'm just talking away.
201
00:09:25,814 --> 00:09:27,814
And I notice the audience
is doing something
202
00:09:27,897 --> 00:09:30,272
I have never seen
an audience do before.
203
00:09:30,355 --> 00:09:33,814
They're looking at me with this
look of concern on their face,
204
00:09:33,897 --> 00:09:36,522
like... "What... Am I okay?"
205
00:09:36,605 --> 00:09:38,939
And then they would look at me
for a minute, like,
206
00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:42,439
"Did I lock my door of my house?
Is my dog okay?"
207
00:09:42,522 --> 00:09:45,689
And then look down
at their crotch, as you do.
208
00:09:45,772 --> 00:09:47,439
And like,
they'd look back up at me,
209
00:09:47,522 --> 00:09:49,230
kind of like,
"What did you say?"
210
00:09:49,313 --> 00:09:51,731
And I'm up there telling these
stories at a high rate of speed,
211
00:09:51,814 --> 00:09:54,689
thinking, "I'm bombing.
I mean, these stories are good.
212
00:09:54,772 --> 00:09:57,230
I like these stories. Why don't
you like these stories?
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00:09:57,313 --> 00:09:59,522
And what is it
about your crotch?"
214
00:09:59,605 --> 00:10:02,647
And as the show goes on,
it just turns into this
215
00:10:02,731 --> 00:10:04,814
dying animal on the side
of a road.
216
00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:07,480
Like someone hits a deer,
and you see it three--
217
00:10:07,564 --> 00:10:09,480
three cars later,
it's like kicking.
218
00:10:09,564 --> 00:10:12,564
You're like, "Oh! Just shoot it!
Kill it! Make it stop!"
219
00:10:12,647 --> 00:10:16,105
This is agony. I had this
massive lump in my throat.
220
00:10:16,188 --> 00:10:18,772
I go staggering downstairs
to this dressing room mirror,
221
00:10:18,856 --> 00:10:21,772
like, "What did I do?!
How did I bomb?"
222
00:10:21,856 --> 00:10:25,188
And I don't think I'm unable
to bomb. Anyone can bomb.
223
00:10:25,272 --> 00:10:28,230
But I seem to have bombed
with every single thing I said.
224
00:10:28,313 --> 00:10:31,522
And I'm back there talking
to this woman I know.
225
00:10:31,605 --> 00:10:33,814
I said, "What--
what did I just do?"
226
00:10:33,897 --> 00:10:37,220
She said, "Nothing.
Look at the news."
227
00:10:37,105 --> 00:10:40,439
And as I was onstage,
Donald Trump was becoming
228
00:10:40,522 --> 00:10:42,147
the president-elect.
229
00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:45,147
And these people probably paid
way too much for those tickets.
230
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:46,856
And they were doing
their level best,
231
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:49,313
"This is kind of funny,
I'm enjoying this."
232
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:57,313
"Babysitter, parking,
I'm having a good time."
233
00:10:59,605 --> 00:11:04,147
It was the dumbest idea
I've ever had for being onstage.
234
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,105
It was a perfect bummer.
235
00:11:06,188 --> 00:11:08,564
And so after the show,
I'm just, you know,
236
00:11:08,647 --> 00:11:10,981
a little shook up
about this whole thing.
237
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,939
And I get on the
Bon Jovi Mobile,
238
00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:16,188
the Def Leppard Express,
my tour bus. It's a rental.
239
00:11:16,272 --> 00:11:19,355
And I'm sitting there
unable to sleep.
240
00:11:19,439 --> 00:11:22,480
Just because my America
has changed
241
00:11:22,564 --> 00:11:23,605
and it's going to be...
242
00:11:23,689 --> 00:11:26,630
Well, it's going
to be interesting.
243
00:11:26,147 --> 00:11:29,731
And so I sat up until about 5:30
in the morning, East Coast time,
244
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,355
watching the different
news carriers
245
00:11:32,439 --> 00:11:34,147
roll out the information.
246
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:35,814
It's the same information.
247
00:11:35,897 --> 00:11:39,564
But different news carriers
have different postures.
248
00:11:39,647 --> 00:11:42,772
So I watched Fox News,
which was the funnest.
249
00:11:42,856 --> 00:11:45,147
'Cause they're super happy.
250
00:11:45,230 --> 00:11:50,355
There's champagne corks flying
across the set.
251
00:11:50,439 --> 00:11:52,689
Most of the people are topless.
252
00:11:52,772 --> 00:11:56,355
Lines of cocaine are being
snorted off the chests
253
00:11:56,439 --> 00:11:58,480
of 13-year-old strippers.
254
00:11:58,564 --> 00:12:00,564
I mean,
it's a celebratory environment.
255
00:12:00,647 --> 00:12:04,564
Like, "Hooray, we won."
It's fun to win, I get it.
256
00:12:04,647 --> 00:12:06,856
And so I switched to MSNBC
257
00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:08,939
to see all those
brave, young pundits.
258
00:12:09,220 --> 00:12:12,355
And they're just trying
to not be emo. Like,
259
00:12:12,439 --> 00:12:15,564
"Well, none of us...
260
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:19,397
thought this
was gonna happen, but...
261
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,689
So we have a new president.
262
00:12:21,772 --> 00:12:24,630
And... "
263
00:12:24,147 --> 00:12:27,522
And then I went to CNN,
which is just dependably...
264
00:12:30,647 --> 00:12:34,188
"I'm Wolf Blitzer...
265
00:12:34,272 --> 00:12:36,439
I'm levitating."
266
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:40,814
I realized that this guy is
going to turn American democracy
267
00:12:40,897 --> 00:12:44,605
at its very most benevolent,
just inefficient.
268
00:12:44,689 --> 00:12:47,564
At its worst,
predatory and divisive.
269
00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:50,220
And so we are now on our own.
270
00:12:50,105 --> 00:12:52,397
I don't think there's ever been
a more interesting
271
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,939
or better time to live
in this country. Why?
272
00:12:55,220 --> 00:12:57,480
'Cause everything matters now.
Your words matter now.
273
00:12:57,564 --> 00:12:58,856
Your attitude matters now.
274
00:12:58,939 --> 00:13:02,272
How hard you stand up
for LGBT folks,
275
00:13:02,355 --> 00:13:04,147
and brown folks,
and women folks,
276
00:13:04,230 --> 00:13:06,439
and reproductive health rights,
et cetera, et cetera.
277
00:13:06,522 --> 00:13:09,439
-It all matters now.
278
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,772
It all matters.
279
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:13,731
Where before,
280
00:13:13,814 --> 00:13:17,220
it was just kind of this
splashy ocean of doing good.
281
00:13:17,105 --> 00:13:20,647
But now you stand
in sharp contrast
282
00:13:20,731 --> 00:13:22,522
to your strange uncle
283
00:13:22,605 --> 00:13:26,147
who comes with xenophobic rants
every Thanksgiving or so,
284
00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:27,647
thanks to vodka.
285
00:13:27,731 --> 00:13:31,605
And you will never talk him down
from his ledge.
286
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:34,355
But you can outlive him.
And I'm not saying that,
287
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,630
let's push these people
into an early grave.
288
00:13:37,147 --> 00:13:38,772
I'm just saying
that very, very soon,
289
00:13:38,856 --> 00:13:41,647
in your lifetime,
like really soon,
290
00:13:41,731 --> 00:13:45,647
there will be no one left alive
to watch Fox News.
291
00:13:45,731 --> 00:13:48,230
-They...
292
00:13:48,313 --> 00:13:52,630
And I am in no way saying,
293
00:13:52,147 --> 00:13:53,355
"Hurry up and die."
294
00:13:53,439 --> 00:13:57,480
I'm just saying everyone dies
eventually.
295
00:13:57,564 --> 00:14:01,814
Except for Mick and Keith.
Everyone else is going to go!
296
00:14:01,897 --> 00:14:04,480
And there's a topic I'm not...
297
00:14:04,564 --> 00:14:07,647
It's not like I can tell you
anything about it
298
00:14:07,731 --> 00:14:08,856
that you don't know.
299
00:14:08,939 --> 00:14:12,272
But when these brave women
300
00:14:12,355 --> 00:14:14,689
are standing up and saying,
301
00:14:14,772 --> 00:14:16,689
"He molested me,
he harassed me,"
302
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:20,147
and when anybody has
the temerity to say,
303
00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:22,147
"What took you so long..."
304
00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:24,564
If you ever hear anybody,
usually a male,
305
00:14:24,647 --> 00:14:27,105
"What took you 25 years
to finally say it,
306
00:14:27,188 --> 00:14:28,939
now that the guy's
rich and famous?
307
00:14:29,220 --> 00:14:31,220
You're just after his money."
No, you idiot.
308
00:14:31,105 --> 00:14:34,188
It's a long time to suck up
your humiliation
309
00:14:34,272 --> 00:14:36,897
and your fear
and finally stand up and say,
310
00:14:36,981 --> 00:14:39,355
"He did that to me." Why didn't
you say anything before?
311
00:14:39,439 --> 00:14:42,630
"I don't wanna lose my job,
I don't wanna lose my family,
312
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,814
I don't wanna lose
my social standing,
313
00:14:43,897 --> 00:14:46,397
I don't wanna be judged
by people like you
314
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,105
telling me I'm something."
315
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:50,147
And so when these women
stand up,
316
00:14:50,230 --> 00:14:52,689
they should all be given
Nobel Peace Prizes
317
00:14:52,772 --> 00:14:54,897
for the sheer guts.
318
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,605
-So...
319
00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:01,564
I have tried...
320
00:15:01,647 --> 00:15:06,188
on multiple live me plus
audience experiences
321
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:07,939
to articulate this idea.
322
00:15:08,220 --> 00:15:11,355
And it has bombed
every single time.
323
00:15:11,439 --> 00:15:15,230
And I know it's good, I just
don't know how to roll it out.
324
00:15:15,313 --> 00:15:18,939
So stunted as it is,
I'm going to try one more time.
325
00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:20,981
Since the beginning
of humankind,
326
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:25,147
recorded history at least,
we have done everything one way,
327
00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:28,772
where men run everything.
Everything.
328
00:15:28,856 --> 00:15:32,814
And so the world we live in
is a man's world.
329
00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:34,772
I'm not saying good or bad.
330
00:15:34,856 --> 00:15:37,188
I'm just saying that is
what we've been doing
331
00:15:37,272 --> 00:15:40,105
since your parents' parents'
parents' parents' parents.
332
00:15:40,188 --> 00:15:42,230
It has been one way
and one way only.
333
00:15:42,313 --> 00:15:44,397
Like there's sunspots
on the sun.
334
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,605
There's been little things
here and there,
335
00:15:46,689 --> 00:15:50,522
Roe v. Wade,
pay disparity being addressed,
336
00:15:50,605 --> 00:15:53,480
women standing up and saying
"me too" or "enough is enough."
337
00:15:53,564 --> 00:15:57,856
So little sunspots, but not
substantive change that I want.
338
00:15:57,939 --> 00:16:00,814
'Cause I have no attention span,
I'm incredibly impatient,
339
00:16:00,897 --> 00:16:03,605
and I want everything right now.
340
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:07,630
So, what I want,
at least in America,
341
00:16:07,147 --> 00:16:09,188
since we lead the world,
apparently,
342
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:12,772
I want a new ratio of power.
343
00:16:12,856 --> 00:16:15,188
And I want it Monday.
344
00:16:16,522 --> 00:16:17,814
Easy to wish for.
345
00:16:17,897 --> 00:16:22,480
I want 75/25 women
running things.
346
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:26,105
Now... and I'm not trying to get
in your good graces, ladies.
347
00:16:26,188 --> 00:16:29,220
Because Jefferson instructs me
348
00:16:29,105 --> 00:16:32,439
that anyone with power
will be corrupted by it.
349
00:16:32,522 --> 00:16:35,814
And if you think a person
with a vagina
350
00:16:35,897 --> 00:16:39,272
can't turn into
an authoritarian psychopath,
351
00:16:39,355 --> 00:16:43,188
give them a few generations
of power and they will do it.
352
00:16:43,272 --> 00:16:46,647
However, won't it
be a great experiment to see,
353
00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:50,630
with women running things,
would there be less war?
354
00:16:50,147 --> 00:16:51,981
There's only
one way to find out.
355
00:16:52,630 --> 00:16:55,220
What would healthcare be like
if women ran it?
356
00:16:55,105 --> 00:16:58,220
People who give birth.
What would that be like
357
00:16:58,105 --> 00:17:00,220
for women's reproductive
health rights,
358
00:17:00,105 --> 00:17:02,188
kids with physical challenges?
359
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:05,689
What would education be like
if women are running the show,
360
00:17:05,772 --> 00:17:09,731
going, "I'm not training
these kids to become soldiers.
361
00:17:09,814 --> 00:17:11,147
'Cause I don't want my kid
362
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,605
going to a foreign war
and dying."
363
00:17:13,689 --> 00:17:19,689
So how do you establish
75/25 power share
364
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,105
in America by Monday?
365
00:17:22,188 --> 00:17:23,439
Not peacefully.
366
00:17:23,522 --> 00:17:26,897
And this is the part
of the discussion
367
00:17:26,981 --> 00:17:29,313
-which I can never...
368
00:17:29,397 --> 00:17:32,689
I can't get it to work
because a lot of men
369
00:17:32,772 --> 00:17:34,939
are going to have to die.
370
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,856
-And...
371
00:17:37,939 --> 00:17:40,355
certainly, I don't wanna.
372
00:17:40,439 --> 00:17:43,856
So if any of you women
go on a killing spree,
373
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:46,897
remember it was kinda my idea.
374
00:17:48,397 --> 00:17:53,147
And I'm one of the cool ones.
And so...
375
00:17:53,230 --> 00:17:56,731
So what do you do? And I'm just
thinking out loud here.
376
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,313
You know, just an idea.
377
00:17:58,397 --> 00:18:02,397
But like NASCAR,
there'll be a NASCAR event
378
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,313
and all of these men
will be looking like,
379
00:18:04,397 --> 00:18:07,480
"Where did the women go?
Where did the women go?
380
00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:11,272
My hand-- I had my hand up one
and she left.
381
00:18:11,355 --> 00:18:14,220
It was my daughter
or your daughter. I forget.
382
00:18:14,105 --> 00:18:15,355
Where'd they go?
383
00:18:15,439 --> 00:18:20,313
What's that overhead?"
384
00:18:20,397 --> 00:18:22,689
"It's an air strike
and I'm burning."
385
00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:25,480
And so... this is...
386
00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:28,272
This is why I think
these thoughts.
387
00:18:28,355 --> 00:18:31,981
What is the most detrimental
thing to progress
388
00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:34,147
in our fine United States?
389
00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:36,355
It's not weak borders,
390
00:18:36,439 --> 00:18:40,355
it's not gays wanting
to have equal rights,
391
00:18:40,439 --> 00:18:42,981
it's not those brown people,
392
00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:46,355
it's not Al Qaeda,
it's not Islam.
393
00:18:46,439 --> 00:18:49,605
It's white men.
It's white men.
394
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:53,105
-And of course...
395
00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:56,981
But what about the cool ones?
396
00:18:57,630 --> 00:19:00,814
Yeah! I'd like to think I'm one.
397
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,564
"I'm sorry, Henry." A machete.
398
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,772
And my-- if one of you women
kills me with a machete,
399
00:19:10,856 --> 00:19:15,355
I promise you my dying words
will be, "Cool."
400
00:19:15,439 --> 00:19:20,313
Because... not boring!
Not boring.
401
00:19:20,397 --> 00:19:23,814
And so obviously you can't
slaughter millions
402
00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:25,814
of Caucasian men.
403
00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:29,897
And so we're going to have
to do some evolution.
404
00:19:29,981 --> 00:19:31,397
And so how do you do that?
405
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,220
You just keep pushing people
off balance.
406
00:19:34,105 --> 00:19:37,355
Keep standing up, and those who
have the bravery to stand up,
407
00:19:37,439 --> 00:19:39,981
you stand up next to them
and say,
408
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,105
"You're not alone. I got you."
409
00:19:42,188 --> 00:19:45,220
Like all those amazing young
people who marched the other day
410
00:19:45,105 --> 00:19:47,439
to save their own lives,
411
00:19:47,522 --> 00:19:50,220
thankfully a lot of people
who weren't young
412
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:53,630
got in line and got on those
streets with them saying,
413
00:19:53,147 --> 00:19:55,814
"I've got you.
You are the future.
414
00:19:55,897 --> 00:19:58,647
I am your fan.
You'll never know who I am.
415
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,439
But I've got your back in ways
you don't even know.
416
00:20:01,522 --> 00:20:04,313
I've been waiting for you.
I can't wait!
417
00:20:04,397 --> 00:20:08,313
So stay brave, and always know
that I am right behind you."
418
00:20:08,397 --> 00:20:12,220
And as a man hurtling
towards 60,
419
00:20:12,105 --> 00:20:15,647
I reckon my job
is to clear the lane
420
00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:17,230
so these people can get through.
421
00:20:17,313 --> 00:20:19,147
What you're going to see
in this century,
422
00:20:19,230 --> 00:20:21,647
in your lifetime,
in the next several years,
423
00:20:21,731 --> 00:20:22,856
is a generational shift.
424
00:20:22,939 --> 00:20:24,856
And that's why these people
are so angry.
425
00:20:24,939 --> 00:20:27,188
Because they know,
without a doubt in their mind,
426
00:20:27,272 --> 00:20:29,397
that the earth is shifting
underneath their feet.
427
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,731
And when you see
a completely awful thing,
428
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:34,897
like what happened at that
school in Florida recently,
429
00:20:34,981 --> 00:20:37,272
then you see what happens
afterwards.
430
00:20:37,355 --> 00:20:39,522
And you see these
amazing young people,
431
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:43,147
-and it is part and parcel...
432
00:20:43,230 --> 00:20:44,939
...of the age we live in.
433
00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:47,689
Where you have this completely
awful thing happen,
434
00:20:47,772 --> 00:20:51,731
yet you have these cool,
articulate,
435
00:20:51,814 --> 00:20:54,230
well-meaning young people
436
00:20:54,313 --> 00:20:57,313
who are not only quite sure
of where they're going,
437
00:20:57,397 --> 00:21:00,188
but did you notice this?
They're camera ready.
438
00:21:00,272 --> 00:21:04,230
And that's one of the upsides
of everyone being in front,
439
00:21:04,313 --> 00:21:07,397
like, selfie, "Okay, you go,
skate down those stairs,
440
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,439
hit the rail, and then bounce
off that car."
441
00:21:10,522 --> 00:21:12,564
Ev-- they're all ready
for their close-up.
442
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:14,939
And when you see these kids
going down the barrel
443
00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:18,772
of national news cameras, wiping
away the tears as they speak,
444
00:21:18,856 --> 00:21:22,689
making more sense than their
candy-ass representatives
445
00:21:22,772 --> 00:21:25,480
will ever make,
then you realize...
446
00:21:27,439 --> 00:21:29,355
You realize every good thing
447
00:21:29,439 --> 00:21:32,564
that you did
and will do matters.
448
00:21:32,647 --> 00:21:36,147
'Cause if anything,
you have to be there for them.
449
00:21:36,230 --> 00:21:39,939
I am 57. It all hurts now.
450
00:21:40,220 --> 00:21:43,147
I am high on aspirin,
451
00:21:43,230 --> 00:21:45,522
just to stand up straight.
452
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:48,981
And so if these kids who say,
"Come march with us,"
453
00:21:49,630 --> 00:21:51,564
I'm like, "No.
454
00:21:51,647 --> 00:21:55,105
No. I'm just gonna--
I'm gonna sit, actually.
455
00:21:55,188 --> 00:21:57,981
And I'm gonna clap twice,
lie down,
456
00:21:58,630 --> 00:22:01,605
get up to some graham crackers
and a juice box.
457
00:22:01,689 --> 00:22:04,188
'Cause I don't-- I'm with you!
458
00:22:04,272 --> 00:22:06,355
But I can't do the miles.
459
00:22:06,439 --> 00:22:10,605
So hopefully I've been looking
out so you can happen.
460
00:22:10,689 --> 00:22:13,939
And so now you'll be looking out
so I can happen
461
00:22:14,220 --> 00:22:16,939
until I die."
462
00:22:17,220 --> 00:22:21,605
Um, just a quick story
about perception.
463
00:22:21,689 --> 00:22:24,439
Because these days,
with the internet and things
464
00:22:24,522 --> 00:22:26,814
being what they are,
all of a sudden,
465
00:22:26,897 --> 00:22:29,939
someone has an opinion of you
without ever meeting you
466
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:31,605
or talking to you.
467
00:22:31,689 --> 00:22:33,772
And quite often the facts
are not exactly correct.
468
00:22:33,856 --> 00:22:37,772
And sometimes it's awful.
And sometimes it's really funny.
469
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:41,230
And so a funny thing happened
to me several months ago.
470
00:22:41,313 --> 00:22:43,220
Well, it started
many years ago.
471
00:22:43,105 --> 00:22:46,522
Many years ago, in the 1990s,
I was living in New York City.
472
00:22:46,605 --> 00:22:48,397
And my bandmates lived there,
so I defaulted
473
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,220
and became an East Village
resident,
474
00:22:50,105 --> 00:22:52,105
which was nothing but fun.
It was fantastic.
475
00:22:52,188 --> 00:22:56,313
And so one day, I'm--
in 1994 or 5... 5, maybe,
476
00:22:56,397 --> 00:22:59,105
uh, I was walking
to band practice
477
00:22:59,188 --> 00:23:03,230
for like a noon band practice,
I got there, at, like, 11:45.
478
00:23:03,313 --> 00:23:04,981
'Cause I put the "punk"
in "punctual."
479
00:23:05,630 --> 00:23:06,439
I'm always on time.
480
00:23:06,522 --> 00:23:09,220
I've never said that line
before. Anyway...
481
00:23:09,105 --> 00:23:12,630
I'm milling around in the front
lounge of the practice place
482
00:23:12,147 --> 00:23:14,772
waiting on my band members
to drag themselves
483
00:23:14,856 --> 00:23:16,647
out of their small
East Village apartments.
484
00:23:16,731 --> 00:23:18,856
And I'm alone
in the front lounge,
485
00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:22,630
except for a very handsome man.
486
00:23:22,147 --> 00:23:24,188
Light-skinned
African American man,
487
00:23:24,272 --> 00:23:25,856
no hair, wearing a suit,
488
00:23:25,939 --> 00:23:28,147
open-toed sandals,
if I remember.
489
00:23:28,230 --> 00:23:29,856
He looks like a male model.
490
00:23:29,939 --> 00:23:32,480
And I'm impressed 'cause I don't
wear fancy clothes.
491
00:23:32,564 --> 00:23:35,689
I'm like, wow, he wears them
and he wears them well.
492
00:23:35,772 --> 00:23:38,188
And the man nods at me,
and I nod back,
493
00:23:38,272 --> 00:23:40,630
as man are wont to do.
494
00:23:40,147 --> 00:23:42,522
And then he gets up
and he just keeps...
495
00:23:42,605 --> 00:23:44,480
I'm like, wow,
you are really tall.
496
00:23:44,564 --> 00:23:46,689
But everyone's tall to me
'cause I'm short.
497
00:23:46,772 --> 00:23:48,605
I'm like, wow, that's...
you're impressive.
498
00:23:48,689 --> 00:23:51,230
And he walks over and looks down
and I look up.
499
00:23:51,313 --> 00:23:53,630
And he said,
"You're Henry Rollins."
500
00:23:53,147 --> 00:23:54,355
I said, "Yes, sir, I am."
501
00:23:54,439 --> 00:23:56,272
He said, "I'm a fan of yours."
502
00:23:56,355 --> 00:23:58,147
I said, "Oh, well, thank you."
503
00:23:58,230 --> 00:23:59,897
Like, you know,
shake the tall guy's hand
504
00:24:00,220 --> 00:24:02,480
so he doesn't like, you know,
beat you to death.
505
00:24:02,564 --> 00:24:03,731
So I said, "Oh, thank you, sir."
506
00:24:03,814 --> 00:24:05,689
He said, "My name is RuPaul."
507
00:24:05,772 --> 00:24:08,522
-And...
508
00:24:08,605 --> 00:24:11,939
I didn't recognize him
without his fighting gear on.
509
00:24:12,220 --> 00:24:14,897
Like, the whole outfit. But
if you look at the cheekbones
510
00:24:14,981 --> 00:24:17,939
and the eyes, that-- you're
like, "You are RuPaul!
511
00:24:18,220 --> 00:24:19,731
Damn! I'm such a fan of yours!"
512
00:24:19,814 --> 00:24:22,272
And that's one
of the difficulties I have.
513
00:24:22,355 --> 00:24:23,605
I'm a fan of a lot of people
514
00:24:23,689 --> 00:24:25,689
and I don't have
a very good filter.
515
00:24:25,772 --> 00:24:28,480
Like, I-- my tail doesn't wag
a little.
516
00:24:28,564 --> 00:24:31,105
It literally wags off my body.
517
00:24:31,188 --> 00:24:33,814
And when I see bands I know,
518
00:24:33,897 --> 00:24:36,355
and they will give me
a moment of their time,
519
00:24:36,439 --> 00:24:39,439
I'm unnerving to be around.
520
00:24:39,522 --> 00:24:41,630
Like, "Did you hear
that bootleg seven-inch
521
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,814
that came out of your last tour?
It's got two songs,
522
00:24:42,897 --> 00:24:44,272
one's recorded really badly,
but the other one's
523
00:24:44,355 --> 00:24:46,105
recorded really well.
I have a different version
524
00:24:46,188 --> 00:24:47,522
of that from a different tape,
so if you ever want
525
00:24:47,605 --> 00:24:48,939
to hear a different
version of it,
526
00:24:49,220 --> 00:24:50,772
and it came out
in canary yellow vinyl,
527
00:24:50,856 --> 00:24:52,772
there's a red vinyl version,
and on eBay,
528
00:24:52,856 --> 00:24:54,731
I battled a guy for a clear
and red version,
529
00:24:54,814 --> 00:24:56,856
it cost me $348,
but what the hell?
530
00:24:56,939 --> 00:24:58,272
I have it and he doesn't.
'Cause there's nothing
531
00:24:58,355 --> 00:24:59,981
I like more than beating
another adult man
532
00:25:00,630 --> 00:25:02,480
who lives with his parents
on something on eBay.
533
00:25:02,564 --> 00:25:04,439
I feel-- I feel defeated
and crushed when I lose,
534
00:25:04,522 --> 00:25:06,522
but I feel like a damn Viking
when I win."
535
00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:09,630
And the guy in the band's like,
536
00:25:09,147 --> 00:25:12,397
-"Okay."
537
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,397
And he'll say something nice,
like,
538
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,147
"My dad liked your music,"
as he's trying to leave.
539
00:25:17,230 --> 00:25:20,564
And whenever I see J Mascis
of Dinosaur Jr.,
540
00:25:20,647 --> 00:25:22,313
a band I love,
there's no bad records,
541
00:25:22,397 --> 00:25:23,772
there's no bad songs,
542
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:28,105
I really try some restraint
whenever I'm around J.
543
00:25:28,188 --> 00:25:29,772
I'm like, this time
I'm gonna be cool.
544
00:25:29,856 --> 00:25:31,939
I'm gonna say, "Hey, J.
Good to see you."
545
00:25:32,220 --> 00:25:34,439
And J will say, "Yeah..."
546
00:25:34,522 --> 00:25:36,439
And whenever I see him,
I'm like,
547
00:25:36,522 --> 00:25:39,689
"J! Oh, damn, man!
The last album is so good!
548
00:25:39,772 --> 00:25:41,355
It is so good!
It's better than ever!
549
00:25:41,439 --> 00:25:43,605
You are better than ever!
How are you doing?!"
550
00:25:43,689 --> 00:25:46,230
"Oh, all right." I'm like...
551
00:25:46,313 --> 00:25:49,188
And he must like see me
and like, "Where can I go?"
552
00:25:49,272 --> 00:25:51,439
He wants to run,
'cause I'm a maniac.
553
00:25:51,522 --> 00:25:53,188
So I'm standing with RuPaul.
554
00:25:53,272 --> 00:25:55,188
And I'm looking up at this man,
555
00:25:55,272 --> 00:25:57,772
and I said, "Damn, man!
I like the cut of your jib.
556
00:25:57,856 --> 00:25:59,897
I like when you're
in your fighting gear.
557
00:25:59,981 --> 00:26:02,647
I think you're amazing. I think
you think outside the box.
558
00:26:02,731 --> 00:26:05,220
You're amazing.
Do you remember, 1985,
559
00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,605
Atlanta, Georgia,
the fanzine Neighborhood Threat,
560
00:26:07,689 --> 00:26:09,230
named after the Iggy Pop song.
561
00:26:09,313 --> 00:26:10,731
It was like a newspaper folded.
562
00:26:10,814 --> 00:26:13,439
A picture of you
above the fold, of course.
563
00:26:13,522 --> 00:26:15,188
And you're holding like
a torch,
564
00:26:15,272 --> 00:26:16,814
you got some paint
on your face,
565
00:26:16,897 --> 00:26:19,230
and like a grass skirt,
and it says,
566
00:26:19,313 --> 00:26:20,856
'RuPaul, sex freak.'
567
00:26:20,939 --> 00:26:22,939
And underneath the fold
is a photo of me
568
00:26:23,220 --> 00:26:25,522
looking like I'm wired
on Thorazine, like...
569
00:26:25,605 --> 00:26:27,897
It says, 'Henry Rollins,
hex creep.'"
570
00:26:27,981 --> 00:26:31,230
He said, "I remember that."
I said, "You have a copy of it?"
571
00:26:31,313 --> 00:26:34,147
He said, "I don't think so."
I said, "I have three."
572
00:26:35,939 --> 00:26:41,397
In... in an acid-free
Mylar archival environment.
573
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,605
And he said, "Wow,
you're really intense."
574
00:26:43,689 --> 00:26:47,272
I said, "You have no idea, man!"
575
00:26:47,355 --> 00:26:49,772
And so I just liked him
immediately.
576
00:26:49,856 --> 00:26:51,564
You know when you have
those experiences,
577
00:26:51,647 --> 00:26:53,939
you meet someone
and you just like them.
578
00:26:54,220 --> 00:26:56,772
I just liked RuPaul.
'Cause, you know, I think
579
00:26:56,856 --> 00:26:59,897
when the history book
gets written on this century,
580
00:26:59,981 --> 00:27:01,105
RuPaul's gonna be much more
581
00:27:01,188 --> 00:27:04,220
than a tall, handsome guy
in a dress.
582
00:27:04,105 --> 00:27:05,814
RuPaul keeps people alive.
583
00:27:05,897 --> 00:27:07,856
'Cause there's LGBT people
all over the world
584
00:27:07,939 --> 00:27:09,522
and they get told,
"You're awful,
585
00:27:09,605 --> 00:27:11,522
you're not my brother,
you're not my son,
586
00:27:11,605 --> 00:27:13,689
you're not my daughter,
you're awful, get out of here."
587
00:27:13,772 --> 00:27:15,105
And sometimes they
kill themselves.
588
00:27:15,188 --> 00:27:16,355
Sometimes they hurt themselves.
589
00:27:16,439 --> 00:27:18,230
They spend their whole life
not feeling right.
590
00:27:18,313 --> 00:27:21,313
And then they see RuPaul,
like in his fighting gear,
591
00:27:21,397 --> 00:27:23,689
like just up there going,
"Yeah, I'm in a dress
592
00:27:23,772 --> 00:27:26,647
and a wig and I look good
and I'm getting paid.
593
00:27:26,731 --> 00:27:29,313
-And I'm here!"
594
00:27:29,397 --> 00:27:31,856
And...
595
00:27:31,939 --> 00:27:35,522
I mean, this is Portland,
and you're all groovy
596
00:27:35,605 --> 00:27:36,981
and smart and literate.
597
00:27:37,630 --> 00:27:39,480
But imagine being gay
in one of the Dakotas.
598
00:27:39,564 --> 00:27:41,313
Imagine being gay in Oklahoma.
599
00:27:41,397 --> 00:27:43,105
That might be
a really heavy lift.
600
00:27:43,188 --> 00:27:45,647
That might be damn impossible.
601
00:27:45,731 --> 00:27:47,856
And RuPaul gives strength
to people like that.
602
00:27:47,939 --> 00:27:51,147
I know he does. And so he's not
only an entertainer type
603
00:27:51,230 --> 00:27:53,355
and an entrepreneur,
but he-- to me,
604
00:27:53,439 --> 00:27:55,522
he's a fantastic
civil rights activist.
605
00:27:55,605 --> 00:27:58,230
And he's brave.
And he thinks outside the box.
606
00:27:58,313 --> 00:27:59,731
I mean, he just came up
with this idea,
607
00:27:59,814 --> 00:28:01,564
you know, he didn't invent drag,
of course.
608
00:28:01,647 --> 00:28:04,731
But he took it to levels,
like he--
609
00:28:04,814 --> 00:28:07,856
You'll never get him out
of the American conversation.
610
00:28:07,939 --> 00:28:11,220
He is in there
like death and taxes.
611
00:28:11,105 --> 00:28:12,355
He is in there.
612
00:28:12,439 --> 00:28:14,814
And he's given a lot of people
room to move.
613
00:28:14,897 --> 00:28:17,522
So I will always be a fan
and defend him
614
00:28:17,605 --> 00:28:19,188
down to my last breath.
615
00:28:19,272 --> 00:28:21,480
And I kind of said all that
to him in my inarticulate way
616
00:28:21,564 --> 00:28:23,272
many years ago,
and he kind of went, "Wow.
617
00:28:23,355 --> 00:28:27,355
You're talking a lot,
a lot of spit flying."
618
00:28:27,439 --> 00:28:29,981
And so RuPaul does something
that I can't do,
619
00:28:30,630 --> 00:28:31,188
'cause I'm uptight and weird.
620
00:28:31,272 --> 00:28:33,397
He will write me
out of the blue,
621
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,731
"Hey, Henry, it's RuPaul.
Thinking of you.
622
00:28:35,814 --> 00:28:37,856
Hope you're having a good day."
623
00:28:37,939 --> 00:28:41,313
I don't know what to do
about that.
624
00:28:41,397 --> 00:28:45,772
'Cause I'm not a mean person,
I'm just really screwed up.
625
00:28:45,856 --> 00:28:47,647
I don't do that with people
626
00:28:47,731 --> 00:28:49,605
'cause I'm afraid
they'll write back
627
00:28:49,689 --> 00:28:52,188
and then you write back
and then they write back and...
628
00:28:52,272 --> 00:28:55,605
It's just I don't wanna...
I don't... just no.
629
00:28:55,689 --> 00:28:57,731
And so I don't know
how to answer
630
00:28:57,814 --> 00:29:01,522
this completely benevolent
well wish.
631
00:29:01,605 --> 00:29:06,230
And I look at the email and pace
in my office staring at it.
632
00:29:06,313 --> 00:29:07,856
How do I reply?
633
00:29:07,939 --> 00:29:10,397
"Dear RuPaul, I was just
about to write you."
634
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,981
That's a lie! That's a lie.
635
00:29:13,630 --> 00:29:14,355
Not that I don't wanna
write the guy,
636
00:29:14,439 --> 00:29:16,272
I just don't have anything
to say.
637
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:18,981
And to me saying like,
"I was just thinking about you,"
638
00:29:19,630 --> 00:29:21,105
I would expect him
to write back, "When?"
639
00:29:21,188 --> 00:29:25,731
And-- like was it 1027 hours,
1423 hours?
640
00:29:25,814 --> 00:29:26,981
What were you doing?
What were you wearing?
641
00:29:27,630 --> 00:29:29,397
What were you eating?
Like, prove it!
642
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,939
And I don't want to have to
like, "Uh..."
643
00:29:32,220 --> 00:29:34,856
And so I will just stare at it
and I'll write back
644
00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:37,105
in this kind of uptight,
clinical way,
645
00:29:37,188 --> 00:29:40,814
"Dear RuPaul, thank you so much
for your letter
646
00:29:40,897 --> 00:29:45,856
and your inquiry
as to my life and health.
647
00:29:45,939 --> 00:29:50,105
By-- just by the nature of the
fact that I'm responding to you
648
00:29:50,188 --> 00:29:53,230
means that I am in a
semi-operational state.
649
00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:57,689
I appreciate your interest
and help and wisdom
650
00:29:57,772 --> 00:30:01,814
over the years.
Yours forever..."
651
00:30:01,897 --> 00:30:03,397
I don't know what to do.
652
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,772
I'm just like dialing it in from
some Hallmark greeting card.
653
00:30:06,856 --> 00:30:08,981
And so every once in a while
he'll write me,
654
00:30:09,630 --> 00:30:10,814
"Hey, be a judge
on RuPaul's Drag Race."
655
00:30:10,897 --> 00:30:12,689
Which was interesting,
656
00:30:12,772 --> 00:30:15,230
be the only serious judge
on the show.
657
00:30:15,313 --> 00:30:17,856
In that everyone's having
a really good time but me.
658
00:30:17,939 --> 00:30:19,689
I have a notepad out.
659
00:30:22,147 --> 00:30:24,814
"The pirouette
was very circular.
660
00:30:24,897 --> 00:30:28,313
Never wrote the word
'pirouette' before.
661
00:30:28,397 --> 00:30:31,630
I give the pirouette a seven
five.
662
00:30:31,147 --> 00:30:34,630
Why? I have never given
a numerical assessment
663
00:30:34,147 --> 00:30:35,480
of a pirouette.
664
00:30:35,564 --> 00:30:37,731
I've never used 'pirouette'
in a sentence.
665
00:30:37,814 --> 00:30:41,188
Why am I here?" But I'm
taking it very seriously.
666
00:30:41,272 --> 00:30:44,939
And-- at lunchtime, I said,
"RuPaul, I don't know.
667
00:30:45,220 --> 00:30:46,981
We're gonna have to kick
one of the drag queens off
668
00:30:47,630 --> 00:30:49,272
RuPaul's Drag Race.
I don't know."
669
00:30:49,355 --> 00:30:52,939
And I have like five pages
of steno notes.
670
00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:56,897
And he said, "You take
everything really seriously,
671
00:30:57,220 --> 00:30:59,439
don't you?" I'm like...
672
00:30:59,522 --> 00:31:01,105
"What do you mean?"
673
00:31:02,772 --> 00:31:06,814
Meanwhile, completely firm
in the knowledge
674
00:31:06,897 --> 00:31:08,522
that I'm a heterosexual male.
675
00:31:08,605 --> 00:31:10,188
Which means nothing
when you're 57.
676
00:31:10,272 --> 00:31:13,313
It means nothing.
Like, "I'm heterosexual."
677
00:31:13,397 --> 00:31:16,522
Be like, "Oh, you're so cute.
Oh, that's darling.
678
00:31:16,605 --> 00:31:19,105
He's heterosexual.
Oh! Well, you...
679
00:31:19,188 --> 00:31:21,689
you go have fun with that."
680
00:31:21,772 --> 00:31:23,897
And so I'm sitting
with all these people
681
00:31:23,981 --> 00:31:25,397
who are having
a really good time. Not me.
682
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,605
I'm studying 'cause we have
to kick one drag queen off
683
00:31:27,689 --> 00:31:30,689
RuPaul's Drag Race by the end
of the show, and damn it,
684
00:31:30,772 --> 00:31:33,105
I wanna make the right decision.
685
00:31:33,188 --> 00:31:36,630
Meanwhile, these men see that
I'm the only one
686
00:31:36,147 --> 00:31:38,480
giving them my
undivided attention,
687
00:31:38,564 --> 00:31:41,397
so they in kind give me
their undivided attention.
688
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:43,814
And so now all the drag queens
are like looking at you.
689
00:31:45,647 --> 00:31:47,772
And I'm like, "Me?"
And they're like, "Yes."
690
00:31:47,856 --> 00:31:51,814
And I can feel the four drops
of blood that remain
691
00:31:51,897 --> 00:31:54,731
in my lizard-like body
starting to move
692
00:31:54,814 --> 00:31:56,564
to the center of my body.
693
00:31:56,647 --> 00:32:00,220
And I'm like, "Oh, no, no, no!
No, no, no! No, no. No, no.
694
00:32:00,105 --> 00:32:04,147
No." And it's not like,
"Eww, it's a man."
695
00:32:04,230 --> 00:32:08,480
It's like, no, it's
a false flag operation.
696
00:32:08,564 --> 00:32:11,355
It's a fool's errand.
I mean, there will be
697
00:32:11,439 --> 00:32:14,355
no ecstatic result.
698
00:32:14,439 --> 00:32:16,939
And so I like... [imitates
static] "Mayday, mayday.
699
00:32:17,220 --> 00:32:20,856
Please call off the blood flow."
700
00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:22,564
And then like three minutes
later, they're like...
701
00:32:24,439 --> 00:32:28,605
Because obviously I'm not
as evolved as I thought I was.
702
00:32:28,689 --> 00:32:29,981
I'm just a tadpole.
703
00:32:30,630 --> 00:32:31,272
And what turns me on?
704
00:32:31,355 --> 00:32:33,939
Apparently, any human looking
at me smiling
705
00:32:34,220 --> 00:32:37,355
in a short skirt.
I'm like, "I'm in!
706
00:32:37,439 --> 00:32:41,522
-Hooray!" Which...
707
00:32:41,605 --> 00:32:44,230
...might make the rest
of my life pretty easy.
708
00:32:44,313 --> 00:32:46,397
Just close my eyes,
open my mouth,
709
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,147
stick my tongue out
and walk into the party.
710
00:32:50,731 --> 00:32:52,230
And the first thing that goes...
711
00:32:52,313 --> 00:32:54,605
You go home and...
that's the weekend.
712
00:32:54,689 --> 00:32:58,439
Anyway, after I do
RuPaul's Drag Race,
713
00:32:58,522 --> 00:33:00,856
and after many well-wishing
letters out of nowhere,
714
00:33:00,939 --> 00:33:02,772
which I can't thank
the man enough for,
715
00:33:02,856 --> 00:33:04,772
he makes me a better person.
716
00:33:04,856 --> 00:33:06,939
At one point, he wrote
and he said, "Hey.
717
00:33:07,220 --> 00:33:10,188
I've got this show that I do
where I put people in my car,
718
00:33:10,272 --> 00:33:12,564
I put a camera on 'em
and a microphone,
719
00:33:12,647 --> 00:33:15,272
and we drive around L.A.
and we do their errands,
720
00:33:15,355 --> 00:33:17,981
and I interview them
and I cut it together,
721
00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:19,689
and it's a show!
You wanna be on it?"
722
00:33:19,772 --> 00:33:21,605
I went, "Yeah."
He said, "When?"
723
00:33:21,689 --> 00:33:23,105
I said, "Tomorrow?"
He said, "10?"
724
00:33:23,188 --> 00:33:24,689
I said, "Yeah."
So the next day,
725
00:33:24,772 --> 00:33:28,647
he picks me up and we get
into his like 900-year-old Fiat.
726
00:33:28,731 --> 00:33:32,188
And GoPro on me,
GoPro on him, microphones.
727
00:33:32,272 --> 00:33:34,439
And we're going down
the driveway.
728
00:33:34,522 --> 00:33:37,230
I said, "Okay. So we're
starting the errand run.
729
00:33:37,313 --> 00:33:39,147
We're gonna go down to the...
the end of the street,
730
00:33:39,230 --> 00:33:40,981
we're gonna make a left.
But then after that,
731
00:33:41,630 --> 00:33:42,647
it's a series of right turns."
732
00:33:42,731 --> 00:33:46,230
He said, "You took me seriously
about running errands?"
733
00:33:46,313 --> 00:33:51,220
He said... "Do you know
who you're sitting
734
00:33:51,105 --> 00:33:53,230
in a car with?"
735
00:33:53,313 --> 00:33:55,439
I said, "It is a fantastic
errands run.
736
00:33:55,522 --> 00:33:57,689
It's all right turns
into parking lots.
737
00:33:57,772 --> 00:34:01,480
I made a dry run at 0330 hours
this morning.
738
00:34:01,564 --> 00:34:03,188
It's fantastic."
739
00:34:03,939 --> 00:34:07,105
And so he's like, "Okay."
740
00:34:07,188 --> 00:34:11,630
And-- and I have this list
of things to do.
741
00:34:11,147 --> 00:34:12,647
And so finally we get to the end
742
00:34:12,731 --> 00:34:15,939
and we did all of the things
on the to-do list.
743
00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:17,772
And he's like, "Wow,
that was really efficient."
744
00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:18,981
I said, "Fantastic.
745
00:34:19,630 --> 00:34:20,939
We could have picked up
a few more minutes.
746
00:34:21,220 --> 00:34:22,647
But, you know, it's okay."
747
00:34:22,731 --> 00:34:24,397
Because, well, you know,
I'm gonna be dead soon.
748
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,147
Time, time, time.
Everything's important to me.
749
00:34:27,230 --> 00:34:29,897
And so we get to the end.
He said, "Okay.
750
00:34:29,981 --> 00:34:33,564
You've been a very good guest.
How about free lunch?"
751
00:34:33,647 --> 00:34:36,188
It's like the two best words
in the English language
752
00:34:36,272 --> 00:34:38,689
put together: "free,"
what's it gonna be?
753
00:34:38,772 --> 00:34:40,230
"Lunch," yes!
754
00:34:40,313 --> 00:34:43,272
It's... food tastes better
when it's free.
755
00:34:43,355 --> 00:34:45,939
Even if it's awful.
You're like...
756
00:34:46,220 --> 00:34:47,939
"No, it's okay. It's okay.
757
00:34:48,220 --> 00:34:50,313
It's a deer's eye,
but it's okay."
758
00:34:50,397 --> 00:34:53,522
And so he said,
759
00:34:53,605 --> 00:34:55,522
"I know this great place
in West L.A.
760
00:34:55,605 --> 00:34:58,772
Japanese place, let's go."
I said, "Let's go."
761
00:34:58,856 --> 00:35:00,939
And so I don't know if you've
ever been to Los Angeles.
762
00:35:01,220 --> 00:35:03,731
Please come and visit. Bring
the gas mask and Kevlar.
763
00:35:03,814 --> 00:35:06,272
You know, we're Second Amendment
happy.
764
00:35:06,355 --> 00:35:09,564
And... and there's part of L.A.
called West L.A.
765
00:35:09,647 --> 00:35:11,439
Otherwise known as gay L.A.
766
00:35:11,522 --> 00:35:13,981
And that's not putting
the part of town down.
767
00:35:14,630 --> 00:35:17,220
Rainbow flags fly proudly
768
00:35:17,105 --> 00:35:19,522
on the perfectly
manicured lawn
769
00:35:19,605 --> 00:35:21,355
that separates eastbound
and westbound traffic
770
00:35:21,439 --> 00:35:22,981
on Santa Monica Boulevard.
771
00:35:23,630 --> 00:35:24,522
The shops are beautiful,
772
00:35:24,605 --> 00:35:27,397
the smells coming out of the
restaurants are fantastic,
773
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:30,188
the people on the street
are the epitome
774
00:35:30,272 --> 00:35:32,897
of Southern Californian
healthy living.
775
00:35:32,981 --> 00:35:35,772
Like old men and women
yoga bodies,
776
00:35:35,856 --> 00:35:38,105
flexible, good-looking
when they're half naked.
777
00:35:38,188 --> 00:35:40,605
And everyone's like showing
a lot of... a lot of flesh,
778
00:35:40,689 --> 00:35:42,772
fantastic hair,
interesting glasses,
779
00:35:42,856 --> 00:35:45,313
bright... bright white teeth,
they're just like...
780
00:35:45,397 --> 00:35:49,220
Like, "How old are you?"
"88." Like...
781
00:35:49,105 --> 00:35:52,397
Well, wow! "Yeah!" Just like...
782
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:55,230
'Cause, you know,
the night is young.
783
00:35:55,313 --> 00:35:59,522
And so we... we are in
the depths of West L.A.
784
00:35:59,605 --> 00:36:02,647
And we park in this massive
parking garage.
785
00:36:02,731 --> 00:36:06,856
And RuPaul and I emerge
onto Santa Monica Boulevard.
786
00:36:06,939 --> 00:36:10,564
Which is teeming
with human traffic.
787
00:36:10,647 --> 00:36:15,939
Both of us are recognized
almost immediately.
788
00:36:16,220 --> 00:36:18,230
And people are so happy.
789
00:36:18,313 --> 00:36:21,689
The wave of joy
that we unleashed
790
00:36:21,772 --> 00:36:23,439
on Santa Monica Boulevard,
791
00:36:23,522 --> 00:36:26,397
they're still talking
about it right now.
792
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,814
At first people looked
like they'd seen a ghost.
793
00:36:28,897 --> 00:36:30,731
They're like...
794
00:36:32,147 --> 00:36:35,630
"Yes!"
795
00:36:35,147 --> 00:36:37,480
"I told you, I told you."
796
00:36:37,564 --> 00:36:39,439
And people are like hugging
each other.
797
00:36:39,522 --> 00:36:42,439
"Yes, yes, yes!
Power couple!"
798
00:36:45,856 --> 00:36:50,147
And I'm like sneaking glances
over at people like...
799
00:36:53,105 --> 00:36:56,480
I'm like, "Thanks.
But it's not what you think."
800
00:36:56,564 --> 00:36:58,897
Like, "Oh, please, let it be.
Let it be."
801
00:36:58,981 --> 00:37:03,522
And of course, in this modern
age...
802
00:37:03,605 --> 00:37:08,313
And I said, "RuPaul?
I think we're an item."
803
00:37:08,397 --> 00:37:11,355
And I forget what he said.
And so we cross the street,
804
00:37:11,439 --> 00:37:14,856
we eat in the restaurant,
and it was really good.
805
00:37:14,939 --> 00:37:17,856
And we had a great conversation,
as always, he's brilliant.
806
00:37:17,939 --> 00:37:20,630
And he drops me off
at my place.
807
00:37:20,147 --> 00:37:27,630
A few hours later,
in come the email.
808
00:37:27,147 --> 00:37:29,897
When people write me,
809
00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:32,522
you started it,
810
00:37:32,605 --> 00:37:34,897
and if you're
gonna be an idiot,
811
00:37:34,981 --> 00:37:39,230
I get to play with you
as much as I want.
812
00:37:39,313 --> 00:37:42,522
You're the mouse,
I'm the cat.
813
00:37:42,605 --> 00:37:45,647
And this is going
to take a while.
814
00:37:47,397 --> 00:37:50,564
Especially when your first email
to me is,
815
00:37:50,647 --> 00:37:53,689
"Dude, I'm a young man
in the American Midwest.
816
00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:57,272
Dude, totally freaking out
in my small room,
817
00:37:57,355 --> 00:37:58,939
pacing back and forth.
Dude,
818
00:37:59,220 --> 00:38:02,731
tell me you are not
dating RuPaul.
819
00:38:02,814 --> 00:38:04,480
Dude, I've got all
your records out,
820
00:38:04,564 --> 00:38:06,313
I'm ready to take them
to the record store
821
00:38:06,397 --> 00:38:08,147
and trade them in.
I'm not homophobic,
822
00:38:08,230 --> 00:38:10,897
but this is just a lot
for me to handle, dude.
823
00:38:10,981 --> 00:38:12,564
Like you gotta hit me back ASAP.
824
00:38:12,647 --> 00:38:15,147
'Cause I am totally
freaking out."
825
00:38:15,230 --> 00:38:17,814
Do I write him back? Yes.
826
00:38:17,897 --> 00:38:22,147
Five hours later.
Just let him just...
827
00:38:22,230 --> 00:38:24,772
just spin over the fire.
828
00:38:24,856 --> 00:38:28,772
What I want is for him
to take out all those records
829
00:38:28,856 --> 00:38:31,313
and play them one last time,
830
00:38:31,397 --> 00:38:35,313
looking for the gay
inferences...
831
00:38:35,397 --> 00:38:40,355
that no doubt wait
like Easter eggs,
832
00:38:40,439 --> 00:38:42,939
and now that I'm dating RuPaul,
833
00:38:43,220 --> 00:38:46,188
all shall be revealed.
834
00:38:46,272 --> 00:38:49,230
It's like, "Okay, let's start
at the beginning.
835
00:38:49,313 --> 00:38:52,439
Damaged I and Damaged II.
836
00:38:52,522 --> 00:38:54,397
All right, he's damaged
'cause he's gay.
837
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,981
It's just he's gay,
there's an encore, part two.
838
00:38:58,630 --> 00:39:00,772
Whoo! Like, okay. Right?
839
00:39:00,856 --> 00:39:04,522
My War. My gay war. Right?
840
00:39:04,605 --> 00:39:06,397
'Cause they don't like me
and I don't like them.
841
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,564
Eh! I'm gonna give it to them.
Okay, yeah. I got it, I got it.
842
00:39:10,647 --> 00:39:13,897
Oh! Ah! Ah!
843
00:39:13,981 --> 00:39:15,772
Oh, no. No!
844
00:39:15,856 --> 00:39:17,731
Slip It In. No!
845
00:39:17,814 --> 00:39:19,230
Oh, no!
846
00:39:21,647 --> 00:39:25,647
I sang that song so many times!
Ah! Ahh!
847
00:39:25,731 --> 00:39:27,772
Ah!"
848
00:39:27,856 --> 00:39:29,772
And so let him do that.
849
00:39:29,856 --> 00:39:33,313
And then finally, I write him
back, like hours later.
850
00:39:33,397 --> 00:39:36,397
"Dear young person
in the Midwest,
851
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:42,230
RuPaul and I? Well,
I wouldn't call it dating.
852
00:39:42,313 --> 00:39:47,147
But I would say that
last weekend left a mark."
853
00:39:53,355 --> 00:39:57,188
'Cause he's now going to go
to whatever social platform
854
00:39:57,272 --> 00:40:00,647
he goes to... "Ah! Oh, no!"
855
00:40:00,731 --> 00:40:03,856
Please do that. Do it a lot.
856
00:40:03,939 --> 00:40:07,630
A whole lot. Have your friends
multiply it.
857
00:40:07,147 --> 00:40:09,439
Like, all of a sudden,
all across the world,
858
00:40:09,522 --> 00:40:12,731
"Henry Rollins is dating RuPaul.
Oh, no!"
859
00:40:12,814 --> 00:40:15,230
And there's gonna be a lot
of people like, "So what?
860
00:40:15,313 --> 00:40:18,272
That's cool. They're adults.
They're both old.
861
00:40:18,355 --> 00:40:20,188
They'll have fun together.
862
00:40:20,272 --> 00:40:22,647
They can sit in parks
and watch pigeons.
863
00:40:22,731 --> 00:40:23,897
They're in their fifties.
864
00:40:23,981 --> 00:40:27,630
They won't get up to much
without medication.
865
00:40:27,147 --> 00:40:29,630
They'll be fine."
866
00:40:29,147 --> 00:40:31,272
And maybe it starts
a conversation.
867
00:40:31,355 --> 00:40:33,355
Like, "Well, if he is gay,
868
00:40:33,439 --> 00:40:35,105
then why do you have a problem
with that?
869
00:40:35,188 --> 00:40:37,897
If you like the music he made
or the things he says onstage,
870
00:40:37,981 --> 00:40:39,856
why would his orientation
make a difference?"
871
00:40:39,939 --> 00:40:41,772
"I... uh!"
872
00:40:41,856 --> 00:40:44,939
And maybe some person
overcomes a hurdle
873
00:40:45,220 --> 00:40:47,772
they didn't know that was there
to be jumped over.
874
00:40:47,856 --> 00:40:53,105
I don't know. I just like
creating trouble here and there
875
00:40:53,188 --> 00:40:55,630
because you can go through
your life,
876
00:40:55,147 --> 00:40:56,939
"I'm balancing,
I'm perfectly balanced,
877
00:40:57,220 --> 00:40:59,313
I'm going to the cubicle,
then I'm going home,
878
00:40:59,397 --> 00:41:00,897
and I'm going
to have the same dinner."
879
00:41:00,981 --> 00:41:02,480
And all of a sudden, bonk!
880
00:41:02,564 --> 00:41:04,397
Henry's making
with a six-foot-something
881
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,439
male model black guy.
882
00:41:06,522 --> 00:41:09,689
And all of a sudden,
we're awake again.
883
00:41:09,772 --> 00:41:12,605
And so I sent this young man
off on a tizzy.
884
00:41:12,689 --> 00:41:15,897
And I got a similar letter,
you know, the next day, like,
885
00:41:15,981 --> 00:41:18,105
"Tell me it's not true."
886
00:41:18,188 --> 00:41:20,630
And so I wanted to crank it up.
887
00:41:20,147 --> 00:41:23,981
And so I wrote back,
"Dear young person,
888
00:41:24,630 --> 00:41:27,564
um, fisting.
889
00:41:30,397 --> 00:41:31,856
Gets a bad rap.
890
00:41:31,939 --> 00:41:34,731
I think 'cause so many people
saw the film Caligula.
891
00:41:34,814 --> 00:41:36,856
-Where...
892
00:41:36,939 --> 00:41:39,147
It was an assault.
893
00:41:39,230 --> 00:41:41,856
Certainly not the way
I'd like to be woken up.
894
00:41:41,939 --> 00:41:46,814
However, with proper relaxation
and preparation,
895
00:41:46,897 --> 00:41:52,647
and a hi sign, it can..."
896
00:41:52,731 --> 00:41:57,731
And so far, these two people
have not written me back.
897
00:41:59,647 --> 00:42:02,147
Two quick stories about ego.
898
00:42:02,230 --> 00:42:04,397
One, from many years ago.
899
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:07,522
I was at a festival, and--
with my bandmates and I,
900
00:42:07,605 --> 00:42:09,397
big European festivals...
901
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,220
No one liked us that much.
902
00:42:12,105 --> 00:42:15,272
Well, no, it's-- I'm fine.
I'm fine. But thank you.
903
00:42:15,355 --> 00:42:17,605
I... your empathy is noted.
904
00:42:17,689 --> 00:42:20,564
So we were always like one
of the first bands on.
905
00:42:20,647 --> 00:42:22,772
Like, "10am, get 'em on,
get 'em off."
906
00:42:22,856 --> 00:42:27,272
By 10:45, we're done.
No one saw us.
907
00:42:27,355 --> 00:42:30,605
There's like two kids riding out
the last of their ketamine
908
00:42:30,689 --> 00:42:34,147
from the night before when this
muddy field was a rave.
909
00:42:34,230 --> 00:42:37,689
They kind of wake up in mud
like, "Hey!"
910
00:42:37,772 --> 00:42:39,397
And all you can hear between
songs like,
911
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,522
"Bad band
is almost offstage.
912
00:42:41,605 --> 00:42:43,105
Bad band is almost offstage."
913
00:42:43,188 --> 00:42:47,230
And so we'd be offstage,
showered and done for the day
914
00:42:47,313 --> 00:42:49,856
by around 11:00,
but you can't leave.
915
00:42:49,939 --> 00:42:52,772
'Cause all the other bands
have now come onto the grounds,
916
00:42:52,856 --> 00:42:54,647
with like eight busses,
five trucks,
917
00:42:54,731 --> 00:42:57,897
they're gonna build a live
volcano for The Verve,
918
00:42:57,981 --> 00:43:01,605
you know, and they're hurling
volcanic soil onto the stage.
919
00:43:01,689 --> 00:43:03,647
There's like a 90-ton thing
and they're gonna
920
00:43:03,731 --> 00:43:06,647
feed four fans into the mouth
of the volcano.
921
00:43:06,731 --> 00:43:08,355
Well, they signed up for it.
922
00:43:08,439 --> 00:43:10,981
Anyway, so I am trapped,
923
00:43:11,630 --> 00:43:12,939
and the rest of the day
all I hear is like,
924
00:43:13,220 --> 00:43:15,564
"Hey, it's good to be back
in Holland."
925
00:43:15,647 --> 00:43:20,605
Like, a field of people
like 30,000 people,
926
00:43:20,689 --> 00:43:24,439
"Yay!" I'm like,
wow, that's so not me.
927
00:43:24,522 --> 00:43:25,731
That's just not my life.
928
00:43:25,814 --> 00:43:27,480
And you just have to suck it up
and take it.
929
00:43:27,564 --> 00:43:30,689
You'll always be on the
sideline, third string.
930
00:43:30,772 --> 00:43:32,814
And so I'm standing there like,
you know,
931
00:43:32,897 --> 00:43:36,630
hearing some guy over the PA,
"This is our new single."
932
00:43:36,147 --> 00:43:38,772
"Yeah!" Never gonna be me.
933
00:43:38,856 --> 00:43:41,272
David Bowie walks by me.
934
00:43:41,355 --> 00:43:44,522
And like you,
I love those records.
935
00:43:44,605 --> 00:43:47,272
There's not one thing wrong
with those records.
936
00:43:47,355 --> 00:43:49,397
The more you play them,
the better they get.
937
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:54,272
And so he looks fantastic.
Hair perfect. Suit perfect.
938
00:43:54,355 --> 00:43:56,480
I go rigid.
939
00:43:56,564 --> 00:43:58,605
Officer on deck.
940
00:43:58,689 --> 00:44:01,897
And so I just stand there,
silent as can be,
941
00:44:01,981 --> 00:44:04,689
'cause I don't want to be
like the thing
942
00:44:04,772 --> 00:44:07,480
that makes David Bowie fly away
like a rare bird.
943
00:44:07,564 --> 00:44:11,105
Like if I-- if I go like...
944
00:44:11,188 --> 00:44:14,689
People are like, "Why'd you do
that to David Bowie?
945
00:44:14,772 --> 00:44:18,480
He's rarer than the snowy egret
in Chincoteague in October.
946
00:44:18,564 --> 00:44:19,814
Like, why did you do that?"
947
00:44:19,897 --> 00:44:21,630
And so I'm like,
948
00:44:21,147 --> 00:44:23,647
"David Bowie's
walking by me.
949
00:44:23,731 --> 00:44:27,105
I am such a fan.
This is all I need.
950
00:44:27,188 --> 00:44:29,939
Twenty years later,
I'll be standing on a stage
951
00:44:30,220 --> 00:44:33,939
with cameras rolling saying,
'David Bowie walked by me,
952
00:44:34,220 --> 00:44:37,188
and I was fine.'
So I don't need to meet him.
953
00:44:37,272 --> 00:44:41,105
I just like to be near him.
I'm fine."
954
00:44:41,188 --> 00:44:43,522
So I'm standing there like,
"Wow. That's--
955
00:44:43,605 --> 00:44:46,313
I like the cut of his jib.
956
00:44:46,397 --> 00:44:48,105
Good posture."
957
00:44:48,188 --> 00:44:51,439
And he's walking by me,
from like me, you know,
958
00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:53,522
to like ten rows back.
959
00:44:53,605 --> 00:44:56,397
And he stops
and looks to his left.
960
00:44:56,480 --> 00:45:00,564
And points at me, and says,
"Rollins!"
961
00:45:00,647 --> 00:45:02,939
I go running at David Bowie...
962
00:45:04,939 --> 00:45:09,147
with my right hand extended
like a lance.
963
00:45:09,230 --> 00:45:12,522
Not know what I'm going to say
when I get there.
964
00:45:12,605 --> 00:45:14,397
Like if I said, "Ah! Bowie!"
965
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,313
That's like two professors
greeting each other
966
00:45:17,397 --> 00:45:19,480
down the long hallways
of academia.
967
00:45:19,564 --> 00:45:21,731
"Good morning, Plato."
"Hello, Socrates."
968
00:45:21,814 --> 00:45:23,939
No!
969
00:45:24,220 --> 00:45:26,731
And so I ran up to him
and I stuck my hand out
970
00:45:26,814 --> 00:45:29,188
and I think I went, "Ahhh..."
971
00:45:29,272 --> 00:45:31,605
'Cause these people,
their records aren't just
972
00:45:31,689 --> 00:45:33,772
something to me, they saved me.
You know?
973
00:45:33,856 --> 00:45:37,522
These records saved your ass.
And so...
974
00:45:38,731 --> 00:45:42,188
Whenever I see Iggy Pop,
I'm like, "Hey!"
975
00:45:42,272 --> 00:45:44,731
He's like,
"Hey, Henry, how are you, man?"
976
00:45:44,814 --> 00:45:47,564
I'm like, "That's my name! Ahh!"
977
00:45:47,647 --> 00:45:49,814
I can't stand it.
978
00:45:49,897 --> 00:45:52,147
Anyway, I walk up
to David Bowie,
979
00:45:52,230 --> 00:45:53,939
or as our band members
affectionately called him,
980
00:45:54,220 --> 00:45:57,605
the Bow, and I think I went...
981
00:45:57,689 --> 00:46:00,230
And he shook my hand, and
before I could say anything,
982
00:46:00,313 --> 00:46:03,220
he said, "Henry, you said
something in an interview
983
00:46:03,105 --> 00:46:05,313
in a magazine last month
that I found very interesting."
984
00:46:05,397 --> 00:46:09,605
And proceeded to quote me
back to me.
985
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,564
I went numb. I'm like,
"You read an interview of mine?"
986
00:46:14,647 --> 00:46:16,230
And he kind of blew me off.
Said, "Are you kidding?
987
00:46:16,313 --> 00:46:18,105
I read all your interviews.
You're very interesting.
988
00:46:18,188 --> 00:46:20,856
Now, last year in a magazine
in Germany, you said this."
989
00:46:20,939 --> 00:46:23,814
And he proceeds to quote me
from something he translated
990
00:46:23,897 --> 00:46:26,397
from German from a year ago.
I'm like,
991
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:30,814
"I did say that. Sure sounds
better when you say it."
992
00:46:30,897 --> 00:46:33,605
All I wanted was a highway
and a truck.
993
00:46:33,689 --> 00:46:35,105
Just like, kill me,
994
00:46:35,188 --> 00:46:38,220
'cause my life is never
getting better than this.
995
00:46:38,105 --> 00:46:42,188
-And so...
996
00:46:42,272 --> 00:46:45,147
He said,
"Have you had lunch yet?"
997
00:46:45,230 --> 00:46:47,630
I went, "No." He said,
"Well, let's go have lunch."
998
00:46:47,147 --> 00:46:50,147
I go, "Let me check my
day planner. Okay."
999
00:46:50,230 --> 00:46:52,355
And so we go into
the catering tent,
1000
00:46:52,439 --> 00:46:54,313
which has like hundreds
of people in it.
1001
00:46:54,397 --> 00:46:57,647
And everyone stops because
David freaking Bowie
1002
00:46:57,731 --> 00:46:59,220
walks into the tent.
1003
00:46:59,105 --> 00:47:01,647
And like large Viking roadie men
have like
1004
00:47:01,731 --> 00:47:03,939
half a deer going towards
their mouth.
1005
00:47:04,220 --> 00:47:05,605
And like...
1006
00:47:05,689 --> 00:47:07,605
And he played it perfectly.
1007
00:47:07,689 --> 00:47:10,897
"Good afternoon. I don't want
to disturb anyone's meal.
1008
00:47:10,981 --> 00:47:13,731
Please carry on."
He got a standing--
1009
00:47:13,814 --> 00:47:16,439
Like, "Oh, that was...
that was so beautiful.
1010
00:47:16,522 --> 00:47:21,272
That was better than "Red Sails"
on Lodger. Oh!"
1011
00:47:21,355 --> 00:47:23,272
And so we get some food
and we sit down
1012
00:47:23,355 --> 00:47:25,480
and we're eating and we're
talking about everything,
1013
00:47:25,564 --> 00:47:27,105
you know,
from his friend Lou Reed,
1014
00:47:27,188 --> 00:47:29,605
his friend Iggy Pop,
and on and on.
1015
00:47:29,689 --> 00:47:33,105
And the entire mess hall is
listening to our conversation.
1016
00:47:33,188 --> 00:47:34,397
'Cause it's David Bowie.
1017
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:36,355
My bandmates find out
who I'm eating lunch with.
1018
00:47:36,439 --> 00:47:38,105
They come running in.
And they all run up,
1019
00:47:38,188 --> 00:47:40,630
"Henry," big smiles
on their faces,
1020
00:47:40,147 --> 00:47:43,272
pretending they like me, like,
"Introduce us to your friend."
1021
00:47:43,355 --> 00:47:46,188
So I said, "David,
meet Dopey, Sleepy..."
1022
00:47:46,272 --> 00:47:49,981
And so to each one of them,
he said, "How do you do?
1023
00:47:50,630 --> 00:47:52,564
I'm David."
Like they don't know.
1024
00:47:52,647 --> 00:47:56,313
And-- and they all kind of...
1025
00:47:56,397 --> 00:47:59,522
And we all just sat around him
and watched him eat.
1026
00:47:59,605 --> 00:48:01,272
Like...
1027
00:48:03,689 --> 00:48:06,630
We're all grown men.
1028
00:48:06,147 --> 00:48:09,439
And the way you masticate
is so dreamy.
1029
00:48:10,939 --> 00:48:12,689
And he starts looking
at us like,
1030
00:48:12,772 --> 00:48:15,897
"I'm at a table
full of weirdos."
1031
00:48:15,981 --> 00:48:19,897
And so he said, "Um, I've gotta
go get ready to play."
1032
00:48:20,220 --> 00:48:22,272
We're like...
1033
00:48:22,355 --> 00:48:24,397
And as cynical
as my bandmates were,
1034
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,188
'cause I'm a fanboy
of everybody,
1035
00:48:26,272 --> 00:48:28,355
we meet some band like,
"Wow, that was so cool!"
1036
00:48:28,439 --> 00:48:31,397
They're like, "Henry, they're
just people in a band."
1037
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,564
I'm like, "Not to me.
Saved my life too many times
1038
00:48:34,647 --> 00:48:36,188
just to be somebody in a band."
1039
00:48:36,272 --> 00:48:39,772
But even those guys sitting
on the tour bus later that night
1040
00:48:39,856 --> 00:48:41,522
after we watched Mr. Bowie play,
1041
00:48:41,605 --> 00:48:45,230
the most cynical one said,
"I hate to admit this,
1042
00:48:45,313 --> 00:48:49,689
but that was really cool."
I went, "Ah! See?
1043
00:48:49,772 --> 00:48:52,772
You're not dead yet."
1044
00:48:52,856 --> 00:48:55,605
Many years ago,
I was at the practice place,
1045
00:48:55,689 --> 00:48:58,313
same place where I met RuPaul
all those years ago.
1046
00:48:58,397 --> 00:49:01,397
Struggling with my band members,
trying to make some music.
1047
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:04,105
It wasn't going very well.
We're just-- it's not--
1048
00:49:04,188 --> 00:49:06,230
We're having a bad month. Year.
1049
00:49:06,313 --> 00:49:09,230
And so we're grinding away
and someone comes in
1050
00:49:09,313 --> 00:49:10,772
from the front lounge,
where the phone is.
1051
00:49:10,856 --> 00:49:13,630
"Ozzy Osbourne's people
just called.
1052
00:49:13,147 --> 00:49:15,981
And they want you to open
a couple of shows for Ozzy
1053
00:49:16,630 --> 00:49:17,188
in Florida, what do you say?"
1054
00:49:17,272 --> 00:49:20,313
I said yes so fast
I sprained my face.
1055
00:49:20,397 --> 00:49:21,981
"Yeah! Ah! Oh!"
1056
00:49:22,630 --> 00:49:23,814
I've loved that guy
since I was 12.
1057
00:49:23,897 --> 00:49:27,647
My band members were far less
enthusiastic. They're like,
1058
00:49:27,731 --> 00:49:30,897
and one of them said,
"But Henry, he's rock."
1059
00:49:30,981 --> 00:49:32,772
I was like, "Oh!
1060
00:49:32,856 --> 00:49:35,188
Oh, am I gonna pull rank
right now.
1061
00:49:35,272 --> 00:49:38,147
You-- you salaried band member.
1062
00:49:38,230 --> 00:49:41,147
You will start learning the set
'cause in three weeks,
1063
00:49:41,230 --> 00:49:44,439
we are opening
for Ozzy Osbourne."
1064
00:49:44,522 --> 00:49:47,856
And they just had to take it
'cause I'm El Jefe.
1065
00:49:47,939 --> 00:49:51,439
And so we get all practiced up.
1066
00:49:51,522 --> 00:49:54,897
We've got the set ready.
And we fly down to Florida.
1067
00:49:54,981 --> 00:49:56,230
And we overnight in Florida,
1068
00:49:56,313 --> 00:49:58,647
then we're taken to the
megadome, some huge place.
1069
00:49:58,731 --> 00:50:02,220
And we're put on a golf cart
and sent, you know,
1070
00:50:02,105 --> 00:50:04,856
miles below the earth's surface
to one of those really
1071
00:50:04,939 --> 00:50:08,230
scary utilitarian dressing rooms
or locker rooms
1072
00:50:08,313 --> 00:50:11,188
that hold like 55 naked men
1073
00:50:11,272 --> 00:50:13,397
after they've bashed each
other's brains in.
1074
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:16,647
And they have those showers
for all the men to use at once,
1075
00:50:16,731 --> 00:50:19,313
with the really bad feeling
water that comes like,
1076
00:50:19,397 --> 00:50:20,856
"Ow, ow!" It all hurts.
1077
00:50:20,939 --> 00:50:23,630
And I walked into this
like massive hallway
1078
00:50:23,147 --> 00:50:26,439
of spigots thinking,
"Could I stand naked
1079
00:50:26,522 --> 00:50:28,689
with a bunch of other men,
1080
00:50:28,772 --> 00:50:31,605
snapping towels
and dropping soap?"
1081
00:50:31,689 --> 00:50:34,630
And I realized that... no.
1082
00:50:34,147 --> 00:50:37,689
Not at all.
Way too uptight!
1083
00:50:37,772 --> 00:50:40,564
And so we're looking
at the amenities
1084
00:50:40,647 --> 00:50:44,689
that we've been given
in our like wooden bench,
1085
00:50:44,772 --> 00:50:48,105
fluorescent light dressing room.
now that we are in the big time.
1086
00:50:48,188 --> 00:50:52,630
We had a can of Coke,
an apple,
1087
00:50:52,147 --> 00:50:55,220
and a coffee mug
with nothing in it.
1088
00:50:55,105 --> 00:51:00,188
That's it. And we kind went,
"Well, that's the big time."
1089
00:51:01,564 --> 00:51:05,731
The door bursts open.
It's Ozzy Osbourne.
1090
00:51:05,814 --> 00:51:09,439
He has a cigar. "Which one
of you guys is Henry, man?"
1091
00:51:09,522 --> 00:51:12,272
I said, "I am." "Hey, Henry,
my name is Ozzy, man!
1092
00:51:12,355 --> 00:51:13,981
Thank you for coming
on the tour, man!
1093
00:51:14,630 --> 00:51:16,313
We have a PA, it's really loud.
Play it as loud as you want!
1094
00:51:16,397 --> 00:51:18,480
If you want to blow it up,
blow it up!
1095
00:51:18,564 --> 00:51:21,647
Have a really good time! Ah!"
And he leaves.
1096
00:51:23,564 --> 00:51:26,564
Total time, 11 seconds.
1097
00:51:26,647 --> 00:51:28,147
It was fantastic.
1098
00:51:28,230 --> 00:51:29,313
My bandmates were
duly impressed.
1099
00:51:29,397 --> 00:51:31,689
Like, "That was...
that was pretty amazing."
1100
00:51:31,772 --> 00:51:36,188
He like swept in, swept out,
and there's an ash.
1101
00:51:36,272 --> 00:51:40,480
And so we do opening
for the big rock act soundcheck.
1102
00:51:40,564 --> 00:51:42,564
You get on stage. Deh!
"All right, thank you."
1103
00:51:42,647 --> 00:51:44,564
"But... no,
I was just plugging in."
1104
00:51:44,647 --> 00:51:46,522
"You're the opening band. That's
all the soundcheck you get.
1105
00:51:46,605 --> 00:51:48,564
We can hear your instruments.
Go."
1106
00:51:48,647 --> 00:51:51,480
Back on the golf cart...
1107
00:51:51,564 --> 00:51:53,772
So I say to the band members,
I said, "Look.
1108
00:51:53,856 --> 00:51:55,564
No one's gonna want
to see us play. Okay?
1109
00:51:55,647 --> 00:51:56,981
That's the downside
of this show.
1110
00:51:57,630 --> 00:51:58,564
They only want one guy,
one guy only.
1111
00:51:58,647 --> 00:52:02,147
And it's none of us, it's Ozzy.
So if you see a laser dot
1112
00:52:02,230 --> 00:52:04,814
on your shirt,
that's a sniper.
1113
00:52:04,897 --> 00:52:09,230
Keep playing, but run in
an evasive zigzag pattern
1114
00:52:09,313 --> 00:52:10,522
while you play."
1115
00:52:10,605 --> 00:52:14,147
I said to our drummer,
"If you see the laser dot,
1116
00:52:14,230 --> 00:52:15,981
you're kind of stuck
with your seat.
1117
00:52:16,630 --> 00:52:18,272
You're a drummer.
You can take anything.
1118
00:52:18,355 --> 00:52:22,272
So just, you know, suck it up
and get shot for the cause."
1119
00:52:22,355 --> 00:52:24,605
I said, "If you see any
toothless wonders
1120
00:52:24,689 --> 00:52:27,814
with a meth lab at home,
with a brick or hatchet,
1121
00:52:27,897 --> 00:52:31,647
or a Motley Crue eight-track
to bash you over the head with,
1122
00:52:31,731 --> 00:52:35,772
just run, but keep playing
as long as possible."
1123
00:52:35,856 --> 00:52:38,230
I'm just trying to give them
every nightmare scenario
1124
00:52:38,313 --> 00:52:39,689
so they're ready.
1125
00:52:39,772 --> 00:52:42,856
And so, "Okay, your time."
And we get on the golf cart.
1126
00:52:44,397 --> 00:52:47,439
And we jump out on the stage
with thousands of people.
1127
00:52:47,522 --> 00:52:50,397
And I said, "Hey, uh...
we're the Rollins Band."
1128
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:53,522
Like, damn!
1129
00:52:53,605 --> 00:52:55,397
I'm Freddie Mercury at Wembley!
1130
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:59,397
Like... no,
you can hear them roar!
1131
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,397
And the whole band's like,
"Damn! Okay."
1132
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,397
So we play the first song
like...
1133
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:06,897
It comes to an end.
1134
00:53:06,981 --> 00:53:09,220
I'm like, yeah!
1135
00:53:09,105 --> 00:53:10,272
I did things that day
1136
00:53:10,355 --> 00:53:12,272
that I have never done
before in my life.
1137
00:53:12,355 --> 00:53:15,439
Things that punk rock
instruct me to never do!
1138
00:53:15,522 --> 00:53:19,439
You never address an audience
by the city or the state, like,
1139
00:53:19,522 --> 00:53:22,772
"Hey, Florida!" Don't do it.
Don't do it.
1140
00:53:22,856 --> 00:53:25,220
If I walked out and was like,
"Hey, what's up, Portland?
1141
00:53:25,105 --> 00:53:28,939
Ow!" I mean, it's just
disingenuous and patronizing.
1142
00:53:29,220 --> 00:53:31,220
I don't do it.
It came out of me.
1143
00:53:31,105 --> 00:53:33,313
'Cause when you see
20,000 people going...
1144
00:53:33,397 --> 00:53:35,480
It just, Heimlich, like,
1145
00:53:35,564 --> 00:53:37,772
"All right, Florida!"
1146
00:53:37,856 --> 00:53:39,630
I started working the stage.
1147
00:53:39,147 --> 00:53:41,105
If you've noticed, I've been
standing stock still
1148
00:53:41,188 --> 00:53:44,220
'cause I'm concentrating. You
think this is easy, it's not.
1149
00:53:44,105 --> 00:53:46,439
And so I started
working the stage.
1150
00:53:46,522 --> 00:53:48,689
Which is nauseating
just to say that.
1151
00:53:48,772 --> 00:53:50,355
But I'm like...
1152
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:55,564
And I'm thinking like,
"What am I
1153
00:53:55,647 --> 00:53:59,564
What-- what is this
chicken thing I'm doing?"
1154
00:53:59,647 --> 00:54:02,630
And like people are digging it.
1155
00:54:02,147 --> 00:54:03,731
And then as the songs go on,
1156
00:54:03,814 --> 00:54:06,313
I'm coming up with this
dumb stuff to say.
1157
00:54:06,397 --> 00:54:09,313
"That's our bass player
over there playing bass!
1158
00:54:09,397 --> 00:54:12,272
Yeah!"
"All right!
1159
00:54:12,355 --> 00:54:15,564
Our drummer!"
1160
00:54:15,647 --> 00:54:17,220
We can do no wrong.
1161
00:54:17,105 --> 00:54:18,647
So we finish the show.
1162
00:54:18,731 --> 00:54:20,689
I think we call came out
to the front of the stage,
1163
00:54:20,772 --> 00:54:23,731
ala The Scorpions, like...
1164
00:54:30,605 --> 00:54:32,220
And I said something awful like,
1165
00:54:32,105 --> 00:54:34,220
"Next time we're
gonna come back and
1166
00:54:34,105 --> 00:54:38,939
rock you!
1167
00:54:39,220 --> 00:54:40,814
Yeah!"
1168
00:54:40,897 --> 00:54:45,630
And we get back on the golf cart
hearing...
1169
00:54:46,689 --> 00:54:48,605
We can barely get our heads
into the dressing room,
1170
00:54:48,689 --> 00:54:50,731
knowing that next time
we come back to Florida,
1171
00:54:50,814 --> 00:54:52,897
that is our audience.
1172
00:54:52,981 --> 00:54:54,313
We've got 'em!
1173
00:54:54,397 --> 00:54:56,522
And so I shower up alone.
1174
00:54:56,605 --> 00:54:58,605
"Fellas, don't come in,
I'll be naked."
1175
00:55:00,147 --> 00:55:03,355
I run up the top side,
'cause I wanna watch Ozzy play.
1176
00:55:03,439 --> 00:55:07,522
The band is onstage.
Ozzy's standing right there
1177
00:55:07,605 --> 00:55:09,731
facing the stage.
Audience, band,
1178
00:55:09,814 --> 00:55:11,939
Ozzy on stage right,
your left.
1179
00:55:12,220 --> 00:55:14,147
He's like this.
1180
00:55:14,230 --> 00:55:16,731
And I walk up and go,
"Hey, Ozzy. How are you?"
1181
00:55:16,814 --> 00:55:19,939
"Oh, hey, man!
Is there anyone out there?"
1182
00:55:20,220 --> 00:55:24,439
I went,
"It's like 19,000 people.
1183
00:55:24,522 --> 00:55:28,647
You smell the WD40? That's how
they got the last 3,000 in."
1184
00:55:28,731 --> 00:55:31,856
He's like, "Oh. I always worry
that no one's gonna show up."
1185
00:55:31,939 --> 00:55:36,147
I went, "Ozzy, when have you not
sold out a place?
1186
00:55:36,230 --> 00:55:38,105
Like since 1968?"
1187
00:55:38,188 --> 00:55:39,981
"I don't know, man.
But in the afternoons,
1188
00:55:40,630 --> 00:55:41,981
I get really nervous
and depressed
1189
00:55:42,630 --> 00:55:43,564
that no one will show up, man."
1190
00:55:43,647 --> 00:55:46,439
I went, "Uh, they're here."
1191
00:55:46,522 --> 00:55:49,856
And just to hear him say that,
that he has trepidation
1192
00:55:49,939 --> 00:55:53,188
about no one showing up, I'm
like, wow. That's impressive.
1193
00:55:53,272 --> 00:55:55,397
So he kind of goes
back to this...
1194
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:56,772
Like I'm not there.
1195
00:55:56,856 --> 00:56:00,230
Sharon Osbourne appears
out of nowhere.
1196
00:56:00,313 --> 00:56:01,856
All of a sudden, she's there.
1197
00:56:01,939 --> 00:56:05,230
She gets right behind Ozzy,
"Ozzy!"
1198
00:56:05,313 --> 00:56:07,480
And I was like, "Ah!"
And she just...
1199
00:56:07,564 --> 00:56:11,772
And he goes out like, "Ah!"
He runs out onstage.
1200
00:56:12,897 --> 00:56:16,814
And this--
this switch is flipped.
1201
00:56:16,897 --> 00:56:21,605
And suddenly, "Ah!
Let's go crazy!"
1202
00:56:21,689 --> 00:56:25,313
And you hear the sound
of the sky
1203
00:56:25,397 --> 00:56:27,188
being ripped in half.
1204
00:56:27,272 --> 00:56:30,856
It's like a 747 taking off
in your mind.
1205
00:56:34,313 --> 00:56:37,564
And that's 20,000 people
on their feet cheering.
1206
00:56:37,647 --> 00:56:40,647
And that's when you realize...
1207
00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:43,439
...is the sound of 20,000 people
all going like,
1208
00:56:43,522 --> 00:56:47,630
"How many more songs
do they have?
1209
00:56:47,147 --> 00:56:49,480
Can I have some of that?"
1210
00:56:49,564 --> 00:56:53,522
"God! The Rollins Band,
they suck!"
1211
00:56:53,605 --> 00:56:57,856
"Oh, this song...
what's he doing like...?"
1212
00:57:00,605 --> 00:57:04,105
"Oh, this is the worst crap
I've ever seen."
1213
00:57:04,188 --> 00:57:07,897
And that's what...
is.
1214
00:57:07,981 --> 00:57:10,689
And it was such
a humbling lesson.
1215
00:57:10,772 --> 00:57:14,856
And I do my best
to never forget that moment.
1216
00:57:14,939 --> 00:57:18,522
Because I'm always coming
from that microscopic, little...
1217
00:57:18,605 --> 00:57:22,105
...lest I lose the plot.
1218
00:57:22,188 --> 00:57:24,731
Have a great weekend.
Good night, thanks.
1219
00:57:28,630 --> 00:57:30,188
Thanks.
1220
00:57:31,981 --> 00:57:34,564
Couldn't have done it without
you. Thank you, good night.
91182
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