All language subtitles for Cabin.of.Errors.2016.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- [Narrator] My name's Peter.

This is my best friend, Dave.
- Hey.

- [Peter] This our
friend, George.

- What are you doing?

- Well, I was just setting
the scene, introducing myself,

my friends, trying to keep
things a little exciting.

- Don't do that.

I know who you are, Peter.
- Oh.

Okay.

Whatever.

- Peter, why are you here?

- I really have no idea.

- Has something happened?

(laughing)

- Yeah, you could say that.

- Why don't you tell me
what has happened, Peter.

- Okay, but if I'm gonna tell
you everything that happened,

the first thing you need
to know about is the cabin.

(upbeat pop music)

And, this is the cabin.

Every summer, Dave, George
and I go to the cabin

and have the time of our lives:

drinking, playing
games, more drinking,

George trying to kill me--
(needle scratching record)

- George tried to kill you?

- Well, yeah, sure, of course,

but that was only
because I just...

Where to start, where to start.

(upbeat pop music)

(music playing in reverse)

(upbeat pop music)

I guess, looking back,
it really all started

the day of Steve's
Halloween party.

- What are you gonna be,
what are you gonna be,

what are you gonna be,
what are you gonna be,

what are you gonna be?
(Peter laughing)

- Vampire.
- Terrible.

- What?

- [George] Surprise hug.

(Peter grunting)
(Dave and George laughing)

- What are you gonna be?

- That's a surprise, too.
- All right.

- Hey, buddy, did you ask
out that mystery chick yet?

- Not yet.
(telephone ringing)

- [Peter] I had tried
to ask her out before

with mixed results.
- Yeah?

Listen, I don't know
how you got this number,

I don't care whose
father you are,

stop calling this
office, all right?

And, love you, Dad, bye.

(telephone receiver slamming)

(sputtering)
(playful music)

Hi?
- Oh, uh, hi.

Hi, Susie.

Halloween,

Halloween party.

I'm going to a Halloween
party, tonight.

- You must be very excited.

- Well, these files aren't
gonna file themselves (laughs).

- Uh huh, they must
be very important.

(telephone ringing)

(Susie sighing)

- Hello?

Who the fuck is Joseph?

Oh, you're Joseph.

- Oh, not yet, what
are you waiting for?

It's so easy.

Just be confident
and assert yourself.

I've told you this
before, watch.

Hi.
- Fuck off.

- My name's George Sullivan.

Do you watch the show Friends?

- I don't have a TV.

- [George] Do you
like to eat food?

- I actually love food.

- So do I, do you want
to get dinner sometime?

- Yeah, why not?

- Okay, what's your name?

- Jade, hi.
- Jade, okay.

Find me on Facebook, okay?
- Okay.

- It's George Sullivan.

- George Sullivan?
- Right.

- Bye, George Sullivan.

- You are the master,
how do you do that?

- It's just a matter
of confidence.

It works on guys, too.

- What?
- Huh?

- Are you still seeing Carol?

- No.
- I thought you liked her.

- I did.

Now, I like somebody else.

- You ever think
you'll meet someone

who you don't dump in a month?

- No, my old Pappy told
me, "Rent, don't buy."

- You told me your old
Pappy was an idiot.

- Yeah, but he's
like family to me.

- You guys still goin
to Steve's, right?

- Yeah, wouldn't miss it.

- Okay, I'll see you there.

I have some business
to attend to.

- I'm gonna ask her
out, I'm doing it.

- Who?
- Susie!

- Oh, the mystery girl?

- That's right.
- Okay.

- She's sitting right over
there and talking to George.

She's talking to George.

Why is she talking to George?

- Oh, my God, you're so
adorable, like a dolphin.

(both laughing)

Seriously, though, I'm
going to a party tonight

at my friend Steve's and
I want you to be my date,

so say, "Yes."

- I don't know.

- Say, "Yes."

(sighing)

- [George] (sighing) Yes.

- All right.

- All right, excellent,
eight o'clock.

- Sure, why not?
- Great.

- [Peter] Hi!

- Oh, Peter, hi.

- [George] You know Peter?

- Yeah, we work together.

- Hi!
- Smooth.

Hi, I'm Dave; I'm Peter
and George's friend.

- Hi.

- So, so, so Susie, how
do, how do you know George?

- Oh, we just met.

- Just met?

You just met, that's insane.

Did you hear that, Dave?

They just met.

- [Dave] - I heard.

- Susie's coming with
me to Steve's party.

- Is she?

That is great.

That's, that's great.

- What's his problem?

- Just a matter of
confidence, like I said.

Now, ask out that mystery girl.

- I'll be sure to do that.

- See you later.

Shall we?
- Okay.

- I'm not going.

- Yes, you are.

- No, I'm really not.

- No, you gotta go;
you'll have fun.

If you don't, we can
leave, I promise.

- You'll leave if I'm
not having a good time?

- I promise.

- (sighing) Fine.

(electronic dance music)

I'm not having a good time.

- [Dave] What?

- I'm not having a good time.

- We've only been
here five minutes.

All right, look, I'm going
to tell you this as a friend,

but staring at two people
making out at a party

is really weird.

- You're right.

Can you believe him?

I said I was dressing
as a vampire,

so what does he do?

He dresses as a vampire,
only, he's a sexy vampire.

- [Dave] You think
George is sexy?

- [Peter] What, no!

- [Dave] Hey look,
it doesn't matter,

'cause how long hae
we known George?

And, in all that time, how
long has he been with a girl,

maybe a month at the most?

So, just relax.

It's fine.

Let's have fun, 'cause
not to sound cliche,

but there are are plenty
more fish in the sea.

And, by sea, I mean this party

and by girls, I
mean fish, right?

So, let's see each
other at the bar.

You go, yeah, yeah.

- All right, I'll see you there.

* All I know to make you

* Make it easy to say no to me

- Who are we staring at?

- And, that, that is the
first time I met Nancy.

And, I, I didn't
know it at the time,

but she almost didn't
even come to the party.

- Uh, Nancy?

- [Nancy] Oh, close your eyes.

- Seriously?
- Seriously, close 'em.

- Uh, fine, they're closed.

- Okay, open them.

(laughing)

* What do you think?

- Adorable.

- What are you gonna wear?

- Uh, where?

- To the costume party.

- Uh, right, the costume party.

Um, about that.

- Mary?
- I can't go.

- Oh, why?

No, the only reason I said
I'd go to this stupid party is

'cause you said you were going.

- I know, I really wanted to go.

- Okay, then go!

I, I, I am literally begging
you, please do not make me

go to this party alone,
please, please, please,

please, please, please,

please, please.
- Aw.

- [Nancy] Oh my God and
now you're laughing at me!

- No, I'm not, I'm taking
this very seriously.

- So, you'll go?

- I, I'm sorry, I can't.

- Why not?

- There was an
explosion in the lab.

Cheryl's in the hospital.
- So?

- [Mary] Uh, she's
pretty banged up.

- It's Cheryl.

- She might not make it.

- Fine, I don't know if I
want to go to the party, now.

- No, don't do that.

You're already all dressed up

in your very cute
ladybug costume.

- It is pretty cute.

- (laughs) It is.

- I don't know.

- You're gonna go to that party,

you're gonna have a great
time for the both of us

and then, tomorrow morning,
you're gonna call me

and tell me all about it.

Come on, do it for
Cheryl (laughs).

- Oh, fine.

(Nancy sighing)

- I'm wondering when they're
gonna come up for air.

- That's Susie Smith.

Oh, she works in my building.

(laughs) Could be a while.

She's very pretty.

- Yes, she is.

I guess, I mean, not
as pretty as you.

- I'm Nancy.

- Uh, hi, Peter.

- Nice to meet you, Peter.

- It's nice to meet you, Nancy.

Can I get you a drink?
- Sure.

(Nancy laughing)

(all laughing)

- She's a lady, but she's a bug.

Oh, fuck (laughs).
- It's true.

- You gonna be okay
getting home on your own?

- I'm good, I'm great, I'm good.

Listen, you need to forget
about what's-her-name

because Nancy's hot.

You can't do better than that.

Look at yourself.
(Peter laughing)

Look at you, you mess, she's,
she's way better than you.

Don't tell her.

And, you, be nice to my
friend; he's a nice guy.

He's a really nice guy, just
don't be a meanie, okay?

- I'll do my best.

- All right, I love
you (smooching).

I love you (smooching).
- Oh.

- Be good.

God bless you guys.

- Aw, your friend
really cares about you.

- Yeah, Dave's the best.

I've known him forever, so--

- He would be perfect
for my best friend Mary,

but she is dating some
asshole right now.

- That's too bad.
- Yeah.

So, this girl that Dave
wants you to forget about,

it wouldn't be Susie, is it?

Because, she is a
real heart breaker.

- Was I that obvious?

- Well, the way you
were staring at them,

it was either Susie or George

and I hope it's not
George, 'cause--

- It's Susie.

(both laughing)

- Look, Nancy, I had
a great time tonight

and I really, really didn't
think I was going to,

so, thank you for that.

- [Nancy] You're welcome.

(romantic piano music)

So, this is my place.

Do you want to come up?

- You're not the type of girl

who's just gonna
use me for my body

and I'll never see
you again, are you?

- What body?

- Ouch, oh,
- Oh, ouch.

- very hurtful, very hurtful.

- You're not getting
rid of me that easy.

(footsteps echoing)

- I know, I know, I'm late.

Sorry, had a crazy day at work

and you wouldn't
believe the traffic.

Oh, are we going on a trip?

Then, what's with the bag?

- I'm not happy.

Are you happy?

- What, what's going on?

- This isn't working anymore.

- Are you leaving me?

- Think of it as a
trial separation.

- Oh God, you are leaving me.

- [Nancy] I'm not happy.

- You're not happy, so you
just pack your bag and go?

- It's not my bag,
it's your bag.

- [Peter] Why would
you pack my bag?

- I'd like you to leave.

- You're kicking
me out of my house?

- It's our house,
Peter, our house.

- Just talk to me, Nancy.

- (sighing) We've talked.

We've talked so much.

- Yeah, and I thought
things were better.

We, we were meeting
with Dr. Gordon

and he had some
interesting ideas

and I thought thought
things were better.

(tense violin music)

- They're not.

Peter, you lost your--

- I know, I've
lost a little hair,

but I think it's just thinning.

There's nothing I can
really do about that.

What, what do you want, Nancy?

- Peter, just go.

(footsteps echoing)

(tranquil violin
and piano music)

(muddled rock music)
(traffic rumbling)

- [Dave] She just left you?

- Yep.

- She kicked you
out of the house?

- Yes.
- What did you do?

- What do you mean,
what did I do?

- I, I just thought
things were better.

- Me, too.

- [Dave] How many of
those have you had?

- Not enough.

- I'm sure she just needs
a few days to cool off

and then you'll be fine.

You'll be back in the
house before you know it.

- What's with your watch?

- My watch?

- You keep checking your watch.

- It's nothing, it's
just, I got a thing

with Mary and her
parents later, it's okay.

- You're gonna leave me
now, just like Nancy.

- I'm not gonna leave you,
I'm, I'll stay right here.

It's just, we were
planning this for a while

and Mary was looking forward
to it, but it's okay,

I'll stay right here with you

and then she'll realize that
she can do better than me

and she'll leave me and
I'll be alone, just like--

- Forget it, forget it.

Go be with your
girlfriend and her family.

(arm slapping)

- Thank you, muah,
you're the best.

- You're a terrible friend.

- You don't mean that.

- Yes, I do mean
(clearing throat) that.

- [Dave] I love you, too.

- [Peter] I will have another
of those and your number.

Fair enough.

- [TV Character] You
can't do that, pass.

- [TV Character]
We were on a break.

(footsteps echoing)

(laughing)

- [TV Character]
Oh, come on, Rachel.

- George?

- What's up?

- We need to talk.

- Okay, talk.

- Well, we've been
together for four years

and I was wondering
if you thought about

where we might be
going as a couple.

- I had a feeling this
conversation was coming.

- All of our friends are
married or getting married.

- False, Dave and Mary, not
married or gettin' married,

like you say.

(laughing)

- They've only been
together for a few months.

- Right, my point is, Dolphin,
they're not married, okay.

- (sighing) Do you ever think
you want to get married?

- Susie, I'm watching Friends.

- George, this is important.

(sighing)

(smooching)

- No.
- No?

You never wanna get married?

So, you don't want to have kids?

- Is this about kids?

'Cause, I promise you,

you do not have to be married
to have children, okay?

This is a medical...

Have you been poking
holes in my condoms?

- What?

- It's a guy's number one
fear, behind alien abduction,

crazy girl pokes holes
in a guy's condoms.

- That has never happened.

- Oh, yeah, it has happened,
'cause I Googled it, okay.

Can I put my program back on?

- And, that's what you think
of me, I would do that,

to what, to trap you?

- It's not what I think of you;

it's just all this marriage
talk gets me thinking, you know?

- And, you think
I'd do that to you?

- I would hope that you wouldn't

and I know that you wouldn't

because I pre-check
all of my condoms

before I apply
them to my harpoon.

- You're so weird.

- That's judgemental.

And, if we're gonna use labels,

which you know I disapprove of,

I'd say that you're awesome.

Let's be honest, okay, I
don't believe in marriage.

- You don't believe in marriage?

- I mean, my Dad, who's a
very close relative (laughs),

he told me, "Don't
ya ever get married,"

and then my uncle
joined in and...

I don't want to talk about that.

I'm a very sexual being,
is what I'm trying to say.

- Oh (laughs), you're
a very sexual being?

We haven't had sex in weeks.

- I've grown bored
of you sexually.

Oh, it feels good to say that.

- You're bored of me?

- No, no!

No, I'm not bored of you.

It just, it's just that I'm
bored of making love to you,

but we could fix it.

Oh, believe me, we could fix it.

I've got this friend named
Jamie who is more than willing

to join us in the
bedroom for a menage

and it'll spice things up.

- You want me to
have a threesome with
some strange woman?

- (laughs) It's not a woman
and we don't have to do it,

but we do have to put
the program back on.

- I obviously have a
lot to think about.

- Was this a fight?

(flip-flop sandals slapping)

It was a fight.

(both laughing)

- Oh, Mary.

- Oh, Dave.

- I like you.
- Oh.

- Hold on, I'm sorry,
- Seriously?

- I'm sorry, it's just Peter.

He keeps calling.

- Hmm, how is Peter?

- It's all right, I mean,
he puts on a brave face,

but you can tell
it's killing him.

How's Nancy?

- Same, I can't believe

they haven't gotten
back together yet.

- I know, but what can you do?

- Is Peter coming to
the cabin next month?

- [Dave] Not if Nancy's coming.

- What if she wasn't coming?
- She is.

- But, what if Peter
thought she wasn't coming?

- Wait.

So, your friends were trying
to trick you and your wife

into spending more
time together?

- Well, sure, when you say it
like that, it sounds insane.

(laughing)

- I don't know.

I really think I should
just stay home this year.

- But, you said you were
coming this weekend.

- I know, it's just that, with
everything that's happened--

- Don't stay home, that's
the worst thing you can do.

Dave wants all of us to
be there this weekend.

I want you to be there.

- We go every year.

- I know, but it's not every
year my wife leaves me.

- I thought it was just
a trial separation.

- (sniffing) It is.

The trial's not going great.

- Peter will be there and I
haven't seen Peter in months.

- Peter's not coming.

- Nancy's not coming.

- Why?

Is it because she thinks
I'm gonna be there?

Because you can tell her
I'm not gonna be there,

you should tell her
I'm not gonna be there.

- [Nancy] Why not?

- Uh, I don't know,
Dave said he had plans.

So, if he's the only
reason you're not coming,

please come, please.

- No, it's nothing to do
with you, she's got plans.

It's gonna be me and
Mary, George and Susie.

- Susie?

- Yeah, me and Mary,
George and Susie.

- Well, it might be nice
to get out of the city.

- Okay, sure, I guess.

I might be a little late
getting there, though.

- Great, you're not
gonna regret this.

We're gonna have a great time.

- I'll tell Mary;
she'll be thrilled.

- You're absolutely sure
Peter's not going to be there?

- Definitely not.

- And, Dave, you're, you're
sure Nancy's not gonna be there?

- I'm absolutely positive.

- Okay, see you then, bye.

(quirky violin music)

- Who'd Peter have plans with?

(sighing)

- Is Peter coming?

- Yep, isn't she?

- Yep, he'll thank us for this.

He will, they both will.

- So, it was all set.

Nancy and I were both
coming to the cabin

and Susie had gotten
back together with George

after their fight.

- Yep, all right then.

I'll see you soon, bye.

- Who was that?

- That's Dave.

Dave said Peter's in.

- Peter's coming?
- Mm-hmm.

- But, I thought he
wasn't gonna come

because Nancy's gonna be there.

- Nope, Dave said it's all good.

(fingers snapping)

- Why don't we go away
alone together this weekend,

(George moaning)

just the two of us,
what do you think?

- What's gotten into you?

- No, I'm, nothing, I mean,

I just want to be
alone with my big man.

- Hmm, well, I haven't seen
Peter in, like, a year,

so, let's just stick
to the original plan

and we'll do that Bermuda
trip you were talking about,

swim with the dolphins.

Okay?
- Great.

(smooching)

- I love you.

(bed creaking)

- Fuck.

- [Mary] You coming, Honey?

- Yeah, I'll be
there in a minute.

Hey, Mom.

Yeah, I got it.

I'm gonna ask her this weekend.

Yeah, we're heading
out to the cabin

in a little bit.
(box clicking closed)

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

(zipper whirring)

Yeah, no.

No, she has no idea and I'd
like to keep it that way, okay?

All right, I love you too.

I'll see you when I get back.

- Got everything?

- Hey (laughs),
yeah, you scared me.

- Sorry, who was
that on the phone?

- Um, Steve, from work.

Yeah, I had to tell him
where the paperwork was.

- Oh, that's it?

- Yeah.

You ready to go?

- Sure.
- All right.

(door slamming)

(tranquil synthesizer music)

(engine revving)

(upbeat pop music)

- Yoo hoo!

Peter.
- Hey, George!

(door slamming)
(George laughing)

- [Peter] Susie,
it is so good to--

- [Susie] No need.

- Ah, hooch.

What'd you do, stud?

- What, nothing, why?

What did she say I did?

I didn't do anything.

- Just messing with you.

She's been acting like a real
B-word, all day (laughs).

I think she has her period.
- Oh.

(George laughing)

She's bleeding from the--

- Oh, no, I get it, yeah.
- Vagina.

(wine sloshing)

(air whooshing)

- Here you go.

(couch creaking)

- I think I need a straw.

(footsteps rumbling)

- Hey, fellas.
- Ooh, hey.

- I can't wait for this weekend.

It's going to be
an amazing time.

- Yep, great time.
- I can feel it.

- Yep, um, I'm starving,

so I'm, I think I'm
gonna go in the kitchen

and see if there's
anything to eat, okay?

So, that's what I'm gonna
do, just go into the kitchen.

- He has no idea that
Nancy's coming, does he?

- Nah, but they'll thank
us, they both will.

- What could go wrong?

(quirky violin music)

(zipper whirring)

(jewelry box clicking)

(zipper whirring)

(laughing)

- [TV Character]
Rachel, I love you.

- Where's the suitcase?

- Huh?
- Our fucking rolly bag.

- Oh, right, it's on the,
the first room on the left.

- That's Dave and Mary's room.

Could you go and get it
and put it in our room?

- I'm watching Friends.

Uh, during the commercial, okay?

(sighing)

- Forget it, I'll go do it.

I wouldn't want you
to miss Mr. Chandler.

- You're the best.
- Fuck you.

- Huh?
- Love you.

- Oh, I love you, too.

(quirky violin music)

- He wanted the rolly
bag so he can roll it,

(handle clicking)

but I'm the one who's
always carrying it.

(suitcase crashing)

- Hey, Susie, can I
help you with that bag?

- No, thanks, I've got it.

- Susie, we need to talk
about what happened.

Just ignoring it isn't--

- Nope, can't,
I'm unpacking now.

- Ignoring it isn't
healthy, but sure, later.

- All right, later then.

(door, clicking)

- Mary, have you seen our bag?

- Uh, last I saw,
it was on the floor,

but the side of the bed.

- No, I put it on the bed.

- See, side of the bed.

(zipper whirring)
- No!

I mean, I don't want you
to do that, I'll do that.

I, I want you to
relax this weekend.

Do you want to go for a walk?

- Sure.
- Okay.

Bring your silly hat.
- Ooh, good idea!

Hmm.

(birds squawking)

(slapping)

(coughing)

- George, George!

George, George.
(George coughing)

What's going on, man?

- Steve.
- Yeah.

- [George] What's up, man?

- Nothing much, man.

I'm here to party, man.

- Oh, no, no, no.

It's a, it's a couples thing.

- A couples thing?

- Yeah, how about next year,

we lock it up for
the boys, okay?

- Hey, you think you can give
me a ride back to the ferry?

It's two miles
away, I just walked

and the last ferry
leaves in 15 minutes.

- No, I gotta go,
the finish line.

(panting)

Gotta get, gotta
get to finish line.

(gravel crunching)

- Are you--
- I really wanna--

(footsteps pounding)

- [George] Finish line!

- Uh, I'm gonna go start dinner.

- Oh, okay.

- That's a lovely hat she has.

- Is Peter here?

- Uh, no, I think he's outside.

- Can I talk to you
about something personal?

- Sure, what's going on?

- It's about Peter.

- All right, spill.

What's going on with you two?

- Nothing, why, what did he say?

- He didn't say anything,
but, for starters,

you're avoiding Peter
like he has the plague.

I thought you and
Peter were friends.

- We are.
- What?

- Something happened.

- [Peter] Dave,
what are you doing?

- Hey, Peter, how are you?

(groaning)

- Um, look, I need
to ask you something

and what I need to ask you
might be vitally important

to my future happiness,
so I need your advice.

- Oh, if it's vitally important
to your future happiness,

how can I refuse?

- Cool, cool, cool, cool.

You can't tell anyone.

You can't tell Mary.

You certainly can't tell George.

- Okay, Peter, what's going on?

- Well, you know how
I had a crush on Susie

before her and George
started dating?

- I think everybody
but Susie knew that.

- Yeah, well,
something happened.

- What happened?

- A couple of weeks ago,

me and George got into
a really bad fight.

- What did you fight over?

- Well, we've been together
for four fucking years,

that's two Summer Olympics,

a girl has expectations.

- Well, sure.

- Look, this is the wedding
album my mother gave me

when I was little and
that's all I've ever wanted.

I take it everywhere I go.

A fairytale wedding
with ice sculptures

and a horse-drawn carriage--

- A castle?
- Yeah.

- That's an actual castle?

- No, it's the Berlin Wall.

Mary, that's not the point.

It doesn't even matter

because George doesn't
even want to get married.

- Oh.
(book sliding)

In fact, he doesn't
believe in marriage at all.

Anyway, he said some
shit, I said some shit.

- I'm so sorry.

Is everything all right?

- It is, now, but at the time,

it didn't seem like it
was gonna be, so I left.

- What do you mean, you left?

- I left the house
and I went to a bar.

- So, when Nancy left me,
I didn't take it very well.

In fact, most nights, I
went to a bar to get drunk.

- Yeah, I know, I was with you.

- Yeah, but not that night.

I was already pretty
drunk when she walked in.

- [Dave] Who?

- [Susie] Peter was there,
looking miserable as always,

nursing his drink and him
and Nancy had been separated

for a couple of months.

- So, she sits down next
to me, so I buy her a drink

and we start talking and it's
like I can tell her anything

and she can tell me anything.

So, she tells me about this
huge fight her and George had

and she doesn't know what to do.

She was a mess.

- So, I'm telling him things

that I've never
told anyone before

and we're both just
buying each other drinks

and we got pretty drunk.

- [Peter] And, we're standing
outside and I tell her,

I don't want to be alone tonight

and then she tells me she
doesn't want to be alone.

And then, we sort of kissed.

- Whoa, whoa, you
sort of kissed?

You can't sort of kiss; you
either kiss or you don't kiss.

What happened?

- You kissed him?
- Yeah.

- Then what happened?

No, you know what,
don't tell me.

I don't want to know.
- Okay.

- Who kissed who?

- I thought you
didn't want to know.

- I don't, but I'm in
too deep, just spill.

- She kissed me first, but
then, I was kissing her

and then we were both
sort of kissing each other

and then I invited her
back to my apartment.

- You went to his apartment?

- It seemed like a
good idea at the time.

- You slept with Peter?

- [Peter] Well, there wasn't
much sleeping going on,

if you know what I mean.

- [Dave] I don't want
to know what you mean.

- I'm talking about
sex, Dave, lots of sex.

It was great!

- [Susie] It was
awful, I felt terrible.

- Oh, I felt great the next day.

It was like Nancy leaving me
wasn't the end of my life,

but just the
beginning, you know?

- What about George?

- George?

Oh, we weren't thinking much
about George at the time.

- Does George know?

- No, and you can't tell him.

- How could you do
that with Peter?

He's George's friend.

- George is our friend!

- Yes, yes he is,

but he's always been more
your friend than mine.

We all sort of just
hung out together.

- But, you like George.
- I do.

I like him a lot, but I
always liked Susie more.

- Oh, what about Nancy?

- Nancy, Nancy doesn't want me.

Nancy doesn't even
talk to me anymore.

- Peter--
- I know.

I know, but it just,
that night with Susie,

it was like all those old
feelings just came back.

- Do you have
feelings for Peter?

- No, were you even listening?

I had enough to drink
to sink the Titanic,

but that's not the problem.

- Then, what's the problem?

- I think the sick fuck
might be in love with me.

- Anyway, I think
Susie's in love with me.

And, anyway, George only
beat me to asking her out

by, like, five minutes.

- I know, I just can't
believe you slept with Susie.

- Well, we were
both pretty drunk.

- Would you take this seriously?

- I am, I'm taking
it very seriously.

I'm gonna get Susie to dump
George and go out with me.

- No, not this weekend!

- Why, what's so special
about this weekend?

- I'm gonna ask
Mary to marry me.

- Aw, you're gonna
ask Mary to marry you?

That's why you wanted us
all to be here this weekend?

Okay, I'll do my best.

I won't even talk to
Susie this weekend.

- I would appreciate it.

Just keep it in your
pants for 48 hours.

- Listen, you have to
talk to him this weekend.

You have to leave him with no
hope of this going anywhere.

- I know.
- Tonight!

It's not fair to Peter
or Nancy if he thinks

there's some future
with you two.

- You're right.

I'll tell him tonight.

- I'll avoid her like
the plague, I promise,
for you, buddy.

- Thank you.

(door slamming)

- Peter, we need to talk.

- I tried my best.

- Hey, guys, look
at who I found.

- Hey, everybody, am I late?

- Holy shit!

What is she doing here?

- What am I doing here?

What are you doing here?

Mary said you weren't coming
to the cabin this weekend.

- Well, Dave told me
you weren't coming.

If I thought you'd be here,
I would never have come.

- Now, everybody,
just calm down.

Mary and I thought that it
would be best for you guys

to come here and
talk things out.

- Ha, talk it out?

Not exactly Peter's strong suit.

- Oh, I talked, I talked.

I thought we were doing better.

I thought we were
making progress.

I even went to see that
stupid doctor of yours.

- Dr. Gordon is not stupid.

- Dr. Gordon's a moron.

- You think I'm a moron.

- I, I never said that (laughs).

- You just said it.

- Oh, well, um, anyway.

- Guys--

- Mary, how would you
think this would work?

I can understand and idiot move
like this coming from Dave.

- Hey!

- An idiotic, but
well-intentioned, move, better?

- Little bit.

- Mary, I told you things
about me and Peter.

You must have known
this wouldn't work.

- I'm beginning to see that.

You two are our best friends.

- Hey!
- Two, of our best friends.

You loved each other so much.

We just wanted to help.

We thought if we
just got you both

in the same room together,
maybe, I don't know.

- Well, Peter,
- Nancy.

- do you want to go or should I?

- I'll go, you stay.

- No, you got here
first, I'll go.

- Well, if you insist.

Take the roads carefully.

It gets a little
dangerous at night, okay?

- Peter!
- What?

She wants to go.

- Nobody's going anywhere.

The last ferry's gone
with the wind, 1939.

- Um, I can, uh,
swim across the lake

and then once I
get to the highway,

I can hitchhike to
a hotel, I guess.

- Look, we were
married for years.

I think we can spend one weekend
together in the same house

without killing each other.

- Can we?
- Great.

Who's hungry?

(silverware clinking)

- This dinner is
excellent, Mary.

I haven't had a home-cooked
meal in I don't know how long.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Nothing, I'm just
complimenting Mary's cooking.

It's been a while since
anyone cooked for me.

The fact that I was
kicked out of my house

and had to live in a hotel
for a month, I'm sure,

has nothing to do with it.

- I suppose that's my fault?

- Well, I didn't kick
myself out of the house.

- George, Susie was saying
that you guys are thinking

about going to Bermuda.

- We're thinking about it,

(both laughing)
thinking hard.

- Well, that's great (laughs).

And, the chicken is really good.

It's really good.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Eh.

- It's nice to get away.

- It is.
- Yep.

- God, you know, I think the
last time I went on vacation

was my honeymoon.

- I took you on other vacations.

- Yes, our summer getaway
to Hoboken was so nice.

- You seemed to
like it at the time.

- (laughing) I'm sorry,
it's just funny, I mean,

six friends,
stranded in a cabin.

I mean, if this
was a horror movie,

we'd all be dead by
morning (laughs).

(laughing)

(silverware clinking)

- All right, that's it.

When are you two gonna
get back together?

Everyone's thinking it.

- Susie, that's
wildly inappropriate.

- You know, I'm
gonna go lie down.

It was a long car ride.

- Yeah.
- Sure.

I'll show you your room.

I'm sorry about all that.

We really did want to help.

- I know, I know.

(laughing)

What was that?

- Oh my God, it was so awkward.

- [Nancy] That was
the worst dinner ever.

- Oh!

- So.
- So?

- It's important you know how
uncomfortable that was for me.

- Mm-mm, it was pretty
uncomfortable for everybody.

- I have to know,

what exactly did you think
was gonna happen, tonight?

Was I supposed to see
Nancy and she would see me

and then, suddenly, we'd
be all over each other?

(dishes clattering)
- No.

You were supposed to see
her and then talk to her

and then you'd be
all over each other.

- Nancy doesn't love me anymore.

She said, I'm not
the man she married,

whatever the hell that means,

and one weekend was
never gonna change that

and you should have known that,

especially with what I
told you this morning.

- Like, I'm supposed
to cook for him?

- Gimme my chicken.

Iron my socks (laughing).

He doesn't talk
like that at all.

(giggling)

- That's gonna win me over.

- I don't know what that was.

Uh, whew, I mean,
we wanted to try.

If it weren't for you guys
we wouldn't be together, so--

- I know, I appreciate it.

- I think, I think
Dave's cheating on me.

- What?

- No, it's nothing,
I'm, I'm being crazy.

- Why do you think
he's cheating on you?

- I don't know, he's been
really distant and secretive.

He was on the phone and
he was talking about me

and, uh, he lied about it.

And then, he wouldn't
let me open his bag.

- I don't know, I
mean, that's weird.

It's weird, but I don't think
that means he's cheating.

- Yeah, I know, I'm being crazy.

- Dave would never cheat on you.

Dave loves you.

- Well, he might love me a
little more after tonight

'cause I'm planning
to seduce him.

(both laughing)

Okay, I'll let you rest.

I gotta go get ready.
- Oh, wow.

(both laughing)
Damn.

(zipper whirring)

(laughing)

- Oh my God, George.

(knocking on door)

Yes!
- Yes, to what?

- Yes, to whatever you want
to ask me this weekend.

- Whatever?
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, how about that?
(Susie laughing)

How about this, yeah?
(both laughing)

(smooching)
(moaning)

- Is there anything you
wanna ask me, right now?

- Mm, I can't think
of anything right now,

but later on, when
we're, I have an idea,

so you can say yes to that.

(both laughing)

Just keep an open mind.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Later, then.
- Later.

I don't know what's gotten
into you, but I like it.

- George,
- Dolphin?

- I think that you should help

Nancy and Peter
get back together.

Help them find that
spark that we have,

that they don't
have, that we have.

- Right.
- Right.

- How do I do it?

- Do whatever it takes.
(slapping)

- Oh, anything goes?
(Susie giggling)

- Anything goes.

(smooching)

- Could you hit me again?

- No, that's weird.

(both laughing)
- And it's,

not that weird.

(door knob clicking)

- Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt you.

Look, dinner was pretty awful.

- It wasn't that bad.

- It was pretty bad.

- Okay, it was bad.

- I don't want
things to be weird

with us this whole weekend, I
mean, we're stuck here, right?

So, we could at least try
to be civil with each other.

- I couldn't agree more.

- Good, can you believe
Dave and Mary thought

this was a good idea?

- They were just trying to help;

plus, maybe it
couldn't hurt to talk.

- Maybe.

(door slamming)

- [Mary] Hello?

- Hey, it's just me.

Why are you in the closet?

I'll be out in a minute, Honey.

I've got a surprise for you.

- Oh, I love surprises.

(zipper whirring)

(fabric rustling)
(zipper whirring)

Honey, I gotta go outside, now.

I will be back.

Peter, I need your help!
- What?

- I lost the ring.
- Whoa!

- You can't tell Mary.
- Mary!

(playful violin music)

- Peter!

Peter, what are you doing here?

- I'm, I'm helping?

- Dave, get him out of here.

- Uh, breasts, nice
to see you, Mary.

You look great!

Ow, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

- What is wrong with you?

- What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with you?

You almost pulled my ear
off and she does look great.

Now, what ring did you lose?

- The engagement ring.

- How do you lose
an engagement ring?

- I don't know; it was in
the top pocket of my luggage

and now it's gone.

I need you to go to the
living room and look for it

and I need to go back in there.

- Okay, okay.
- Go, I need it.

- I'll find it.
- Now, go, go!

- [Peter] You can count on me.

(George laughing)

Look, excuse me.

- Are you looking
for something, Peter?

- Um, yes, have you
seen a small shaped box?

- Sit, just sit.

- [TV Character]
We were on a break!

- Good.

This is nice.

- [TV Character] How you doing?

- How long has it been

since we've all been here
together, like a year?

- Yeah, I guess, a year.

- What happened to you two?

Everything was so perfect.

You loved each other.

- George, I appreciate what
you're trying to do, but--

- Shh, Nancy, I know you two
were happy, what happened?

- I was; we were happy.

I was very happy.

And then, I wasn't.

- You never told me why.

Was I just supposed to guess?

- Peter, I...

One day, the spark
was just gone.

- Ooh, ouch.

- You know, Nancy, sometimes
in a long-term relationship,

the spark just
(hisses) fizzles out.

But, I think I could help.

- How are you gonna
help us with that?

- Peter, ae you familiar
with the menage?

- A threesome?

You want me and Nancy
to have a threesome?

(chuckling)

- Just watch, Peter.

- [TV character] I guess
that's why we're all friends.

- No, nope, no it's
not gonna happen.

Nancy, it's not
gonna happen, right?

Nancy!

George, stop kissing Nancy!

- Upf, oh!
(George panting)

It's, it's been a while.

Um, I, I gotta go lay down.

Um, headache.

(Nancy giggling)

- Well, I tried.

Tell Susie I tried.

- Wait, wait, wait, Susie
asked you to do that?

- Oh, she wanted me to
get you kids talking.

That was my idea.

She said anything goes.

Speaking of Susie, though--

- What about Susie?

- She's been acting
strange lately.

- Strange, how strange?

- I don't know,
she won't tell me.

She's outside, now.

Do you, you think you could
go talk to her for me?

- You want me to go outside

and talk to Susie,
alone, right now?

- It would mean a lot.

- Okay, I'll do it.

(both laughing)

- Oh, you are such
a good person.

- [Peter] Oh, thank you.

- Oh, tell Susie I tried, okay?

- [Peter] I will.

- And, um, let me
know what she says

and if you change your
mind about anything,

- Okay.
- I'm right here.

- Okay, okay.

Oh, I am going to hell.

* I'm getting married
at Buon Assista

(door creaking)

(jewelry box clicking)

- Peter, I was
just about to go--

- Susie, Susie, you were the
one who said we needed to talk,

so let's talk.

Just give me two minutes
and that's it, okay?

- Okay, let's talk.

What happened that
night was a mistake.

- Aw, don't say that.

That night was amazing.

- Eh, it, it was nice, but--

- Susie, I love, the
way you have your hair.

- [George] Is it raining?

No rain, I'll be.

You guys need
anything, any drinks?

- Nope.
- Good, we're good.

- Good.
- Drinks.

(door creaking)

- What was that about?

- George wants me to find
out what's wrong with you.

- Peter!
- I know, I know, I know,

I know, I'm awful human being.

Look, if you can tell
me that things with,

between you and George
are better, now,

than they were that night,
then I'll leave you alone.

I'll never bother
you again, I promise.

- I love George.

I know that's not what you
want to hear, right now,

but it's true.

- But, can George give you--

(door creaking)
puppy dogs?

(door slamming)

- I know liars when I see liars.

You two are thirsty.

(George and Susie laughing)

(sighing)

- Puppy dogs?
(Peter laughing)

- It's the first thing
that came to my mind.

It's nice to see you laugh.

(Susie sighing)
So, what about us?

- Peter, I like you.

If me and George weren't
together, maybe, probably not,

but things have changed.

I didn't think they
could, but they have.

- So, that's a maybe?
- No.

- Oh,

okay.

- Peter--
- No, no, yeah.

- I, I'm sorry.

(door creaking)

No, I'm really not sorry.

(sighing)

- Well?

- I tried my best.

(door slamming)

- The heck is wrong with
everyone this weekend?

(gulping)
(tongue scraping)

- Dave, did you find
your toothbrush yet?

- Not yet.

- You can just use mine

and we can get you a
new one in the morning.

- Gross, I like to use my own.

- Dave!
- Yes, dear.

- When your girlfriend,

who is wearing some
very sexy lingerie

that she bought
especially for this trip

is telling you to come to bed,

the correct response
is, "Right away."

(smooching)

So, I'll ask you again,

are you coming to bed?

- Right away!

(fabric rustling)
(grunting)

- What are you doing?
- Foreplay?

- Ooh, you're so
distracted tonight.

I guess I'll have
to do something

to get your mind off
whatever's distracting you.

(melancholy piano music)

- I can't stop
thinking about you.

I tried, but I can't.

I've been in love
with you for years

and if you feel the same way
about me that I feel about you,

meet me in the patio
after everyone's asleep,

at one o'clock.

Love always, Peter.

(tranquil piano
and violin music)

(knocking)

(door clicking)

(crickets humming)

(match sizzling)

- Well, I guess
that's a hard no.

- Peter?
- Susie?

Nancy.
- Oh my God,

did you do all this for me?

- Of course I did, uh, who
else would I do it for?

Have a seat.

(chair scraping)

- Chocolate covered
strawberries?

I didn't think you remembered.

- Of course, I remembered.

What I'm really wondering
is if you remembered.

- I don't think I've had
these since our honeymoon.

- Our honeymoon, how
could I forget that?

- This is so unlike you.

It's so romantic
and spontaneous.

- I'm romantic.

- No, you're not.

That was part of the problem.

- Well, better late than never.

- Wait, what were you
doing, just sitting here?

What were you waiting for?

- Um, I was waiting, I was
waiting for the courage,

the courage to come get you.

I didn't, I didn't know

if you'd like all
this, or me, anymore.

- Peter, of course
I still like you.

I just feel like
we've been strangers

living in the same house
for years, you know?

- Of course, I know.

How do you think I felt?

- I had no idea
you felt that way.

- It'd be a shame to let
this wine go to waste.

Would you like a glass?

- Sure, why not?

Just one, though.
- Oh, just one.

(wine sloshing)
(glass clinking)

To unexpected surprises.

- To unexpected surprises.

(knocking)

- Hey, Dolphin.

- Well (giggles)?

- Well?

- Well, we're alone, now.

Don't you have
something to ask me?

- Oh, really?

Okay,
- Okay.

- I will, oh, will you,
Susie the Dolphin Smith--

- Yes, yes, yes!

- Hey, hey, hey!
(Susie laughing)

I didn't even ask
you the question.

- Okay.
(George clearing throat)

- Will you, Susie
Smith, love of my life,

get it on, with me?

- What?

Oh, I know.

- You do?
- Mm-hmm.

- If you know,
could you tell me?

- Did you lose something?

- No, the anal beads
are in the bag, babe.

This is a ring.

- I know.

I found it in your bag.

I couldn't help myself.

I'm sorry, George, but
yes, I'll marry you.

Of course, I will marry you.

(smooching)

- That's not my ring.
- What?

- This is not my ring.

- It was in your bag.

- That's not my bag.

That must be Peter
or Dave's bag,

which is actually hilarious

because they're gonna be
in for a huge surprise

when they find all that weird
crap (laughing) in there.

- Oh my God.

- Oh my God is right,
you could say that again.

Give me a hug.

- You sick fuck.

You are never gonna
ask me to marry you.

- You know I don't
believe in marriage, babe.

We talked about this.

- [Susie] You don't?

- I don't!

I really don't.

We talked, I talked, you yelled.

And, then, we got
into another fight.

I mean, think about
Peter and Nancy, right.

They were really, really happy

and then this thing
gets involved and now
they're miserable.

- They're separated.

- Right, and I don't
want us to get separated

because we love each other,
so (blows raspberry).

- I think I'm gonna stay in
one of the empty rooms tonight.

- How about hugs instead?
- No.

You're disgusting.

(door slamming)
- You're disgusting.

(knocking)
(tense violin music)

(doorknob clicking)
- Peter?

I know I'm late, but, I
hope I'm not too late.

(laughing)

- There she is.

I haven't seen you laugh
in a very long time.

- Well, you haven't
said anything funny
in a very long time.

I don't know if it's
the wine talking,

but you are looking very sexy.

- It's the wine.

(smooching)

Trust me, it's the wine.

Do you remember the first
time we came up here,

- Yes.
- we were walking by the lake

and George--

- George wanted to
go skinny-dipping.

(both laughing)

- He always wanted
to go skinny-dipping.

- You know, we had some
good times up here.

- Yeah, we did.

- I don't think I've been
up this late in years.

- Ah, as I recall, most
of those nights were

also with me and
a bottle of wine

and I also recall how most
of those nights ended.

- Peter, are you asking
me to spend the night?

- [Peter] I think I am.

- What kind of girl
do you think I am?

- [Peter] I'm hoping the kind

that sleeps with a
guy on the first date.

- Is that what this
is, our first date?

- I'm hoping the first of many.

(smooching)

(fabric rustling)
(Mary groaning)

- [Mary] Where are you going?

- I'm, I'm just
gonna go get a drink.

I'll be back.

- But, I'm so sleepy.

(zipper whirring)

(chains clinking)

(sex toy thudding)

(metal teeth chattering)

- Shh, shh.
- Shh.

(both laughing)

- Okay, okay, I will go slip

into something more comfortable.

You go warm up the
sheets for me, okay?

- Yes, ma'am.

(door clicking)

Whoa!

- Peter, we need to talk.

- Oh, yes, yes, you're right.

Um, look, I'm sorry I saw you
in your lingerie and stared,

but, to be fair,
you're very attractive

and I'm just--
- What?

No, this has nothing to do
with you; this is about Dave.

Are you drunk?

- What? Yes, a little.

Dave, what about Dave?

- He's been acting
weird all night

and there were some things in
his bag that were disturbing.

- You found the case?

- What case?

- Nevermind.
- Fine.

I think he's hiding
something from me.

He went to get a drink
and he hasn't come back.

You're his best friend,
do you know what happened?

- What?

Yes, no, um, uh, no,
I'm sure he's fine.

Uh, look, why don't you
just go back into your room

and wait for him.

I'm sure he'll be
back in a few minutes.

- Okay, yeah.

(gulping)
Yeah.

(cabinet doors slamming)

- Shit!
(ice cubes clinking)

(footsteps echoing)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Mare Elizabeth McConnell,
just go back to bed.

He'll be back any minute.

Shit!

Dave?
(gravel crunching)

Dave, where are you?

(playful orchestral music)

If you're cheating on
me, I swear to God...

(footsteps echoing)

(suspenseful violin music)

(door clicking)

- (gasps) Peter.
- Susie.

What are you doing here?

- I changed my mind.

I read your letter.

It was beautiful.

You were right, George is never
gonna give me what I want.

Well, what about you?

- Oh, this is
spectacularly bad timing.

(paper rustling)

- Why are you running from me?

- I'm not running.

- [Susie] Oh, I get it,
you're playing hard to get.

- No, no, no, no, no,
you said you loved George

and that this could never
happen again, right?

- Oh, George and I have been
together for four years.

He's never gonna
ask me to marry him.

Let's forget about George.

(moaning)
(smooching)

- [Peter] Who's George?

(both laughing)

- Peter, you didn't?

- Well, I, the thing is,

I was, I just,

yeah.

Yes, I did.

- (sighing) Okay.

- I know what you're thinking,

but I'm not the bad guy here.

- Okay.

- I mean, I didn't mean
to hurt anyone; I didn't.

- Okay.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(smooching)
(both giggling)

(knocking)

- Ooh, shit!

Fuck, shit!
- Who's that?

- Um, probably Nancy.

- Nancy, what's she doing here?

- Um, I, I invited her.

- (gasps) You invited her?

Oh, did George tell you
about that threesome thing?

It never happened.

- What, no, no, no, no, no!

I had wine and strawberries
and candles for you.

- Oh that's so sweet.

Peter.
- Yeah.

But then, you know,
you didn't show up

and then Nancy was there.

We had a few drinks and
one thing led to another

and I invited her back here.

You can't be here.

You can't be here.

Nancy can't see you.

- I'm not gonna hide!

- I just need you to
wait in the bathroom

for a couple minutes.

- Fine, get rid of her, fast.
- I will.

(door clicking)

(panting)

- Come in!

George.
- We need to talk, Peter.

(door slamming)

George, what are you doing here?

- I read the letter.

- Oh God, you read the letter.

Look, George, I swear
to God I never meant

for you to read that letter.

- Sit.
- Now, George, come on.

- Sit!

- Now, George, you
have to believe me,

I never meant you
to see that letter.

- I'm glad I read it.

- You're, you're
glad you read it?

- Yeah, I mean, honestly,
I thought it was strange,

at first, but then it all
started to make sense.

You know, like?

- I can't believe
you're cool with this?

- Of course, I'm cool
with this, you know?

I mean, we're friends.

- Yeah, I never realized
we were that close.

(George chuckling)

(dramatic orchestral music)
(Peter groaning)

(smooching)
George!

What are you doing?

You're gay?

- Peter, I hate labels.

Let's just say I'm curious.

After all, you're
the one that said

you're in love
with me for years.

- Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

George, this is a huge mistake.

- The only mistake
would be keeping

(bed creaking)
your clothes on, Peter.

(knocking on door)

- [Nancy] Peter,
I'm here; open up.

- Nancy!
- What's Nancy doing?

- I invited her.

Uh, you have to hide.

- No more hiding, ever again.

You invite her in, we can
all make love together.

- Um, I don't think
Nancy's ready for that.

I need you to hide.

- Okay, I'll hide
in the bathroom.

- Yes, yes, the bathroom.

Go in the bathroom.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

You can't go in the bathroom.

- [George] Why not?

- Because it's a mess and
you don't like messes.

- Oh.
- Hide under the bed.

- [Nancy] Peter, I'm cold.

* Just one moment

- Okay, make it quick.

Or, don't.

(playful orchestral music)

- Nancy, you look amazing.

- Aren't you going
to invite me in?

- I think I'm coming down
with a (coughing) cough.

We might want to wait
until it goes away.

- I think I'll take my chances.

(bed creaking)

- Oh, I am so much trouble.

(playful orchestral music)

- Peter.

- George, what are
you doing here?

Where's your shirt?

- [Peter] George, what
are you doing here?

- No more lies, Peter.

Nancy, Peter's in love with
me, has been for years.

Him and I are gonna get
funky on this bed, M-kay.

If you want to join us,
you're more than welcome.

- Um, there really is
a very good explanation

for all of this.

- What's Nancy
doing in your bed?

I thought you were
gonna get rid of her.

George, put your shirt on.

No one wants to see
your lopsided nipples.

- Why am I here?

Why are you in my husband's
bathroom in your underwear?

- I, I can explain this.

There was, um--

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Peter, after the beautiful
letter that you wrote me,

there shouldn't be
any more secrets.

- The letter was
for me, you moron.

- What letter?

- [George] It was for me.

Peter, tell the Dolphin.

(paper crinkling)
(dramatic orchestral music)

- Oh my God, it was all for her,

all of it, though, the
wine and the strawberries.

- Nancy, I--
- Oh my God.

Peter, don't.
- Nancy.

- There's nothing
wrong with my nipples.

- You were gonna
sleep with your wife

while I was in the bathroom?

- What, uh, yes,
no, I, I don't know.

I'm pretty drunk, right now.

- Did you mean
anything you said?

- Yes, I meant
everything I said.

That, that night with you
was the happiest I've been

in a long time.

- Then, why was
Nancy in your bed?

- I don't know, she,
she was my wife.

She is my wife.

But, then George
came and kissed me

and it was all very confusing.
- Mm-hmm.

(dramatic orchestral music)
- So, not only

do you not love me, but you're
sleeping with my girlfriend.

- I'm gonna kill you.

(fabric rustling)
(pillows thudding)

- [Dave] Nancy?

(Nancy whimpering)

Are you okay?

(Nancy sobbing)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Now, George, don't
do anything stupid.

- Let's think about this.

You obviously have some very
strong feelings towards me.

I think we should all just
sit down and talk about it

and relax a little before
we do anything rash.

- I don't want to kill you,

so you should run.
- What?

- Run, now.
(tense violin music)

- George, George,
let's talk about this!

- Oh, there's nothing
to talk about.

- I knew it!

How could you, Dave?
- George, let's talk.

- That's my best friend.
- It's not what it looks like!

- What is it you want?
(shouting over each other)

- What the fuck is going on?
- Oh, I'm so sorry, Dave.

That was meant for Peter.

He harpooned my Dolphin.

- Again?
- Again!

You knew about this?

- Oh, don't act so outraged.

You were about to
have sex with Peter.

- George, you're gay?

- I'm omni-sexual!

I don't believe in
terms and labels

when it comes to love and
lovemaking and I told you that!

- I thought you were joking!

- What bullshit!

- It's not bullshit.

You can Google it and, another
thing, you're a cheater.

It was you that went in his
room in your unmentionables.

- I asked you for one thing
this weekend, for one thing,

for you to keep it in your pants

and you couldn't even do that!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

- So many things.

- Leave him alone,
you hypocrite!

- Mary, you don't understand.

- I understand perfectly.

You were sleeping with Nancy!

- You were sleeping
with my wife?

- Oh fuck!

- Can I ask which one
of you geniuses brought

the engagement ring?

- You found the ring!

- Oh, it was yours?

- Oh, Peter, you were
gonna ask me to marry you?

- You were gonna ask
her to marry you?

- Nope, not my ring.

- Great, so no one
wants to marry me.

- Whose ring is it, Loverboy?

- I can't say.
- You can't say?

Kiss me, right now.

- I don't care about
the fricking ring;
I just want to know

why you were sleeping
with my best friend!

Nancy, how could you?

(people shouting
over each other)

- What do you mean who was it?
- What are you talking about?

(shouting over each other)
- Will everyone shut up?

- George, let go of Peter.

You're not gonna kill him.

You really, really should,
but you're not gonna,

so let him go.

- And, Mary,
(sighing)

I would never cheat on you.

I love you so much.

The ring is mine.

I brought you here this weekend

because I wanted to
ask you to be my wife.

(tranquil piano music)

- Oh my God.

Dave, I had no idea.

I saw you with Nancy

and then there were
mysterious phone conversations

and sex toys in the luggage.

- Sex toys?

(sparse piano music)

It doesn't matter.

Mary Elizabeth McConnell,

I have loved you from the very
first moment that I met you.

Will you marry me?

- Yes!

Yes, of course, I'll marry you.

(Mary and Dave laughing)

- Let's get you cleaned up.

- Nancy, I never meant--

(sharp slapping)

- You can go to hell.

- Fair enough.

Well, that could
have all gone better.

- I don't even know what to say.

I have to go.

- Susie, I just want to let
you know that I don't blame you

for anything that
happened this weekend

and, more importantly,
I forgive you.

- No, you don't forgive me.

George, you just tried
to sleep with Peter.

- [George] Mm-hmm.

- I'm sorry, I can't
talk to you right now.

- George, I just want to say
I'm, I'm flattered that--

- Don't speak, I know
just what you're saying,

so please stop explaining.

Don't tell me 'cause it
hurts, (sighing) No Doubt.

(melodic electric guitar music)

* Tired of the seas

* Boat comes ashore

* Needing a breather

* He comes up for more

* Than he ever could before

* She was gone

* Do ooh ooh ooh ooh

* Into the streets

* He twiddles his hands

* Since then uneasy

* Tries to make friends

* But it ain't
like it used to be

* Not before he set out to see

* What have we become

* Since she's gone

* Do do do do

* Ooh do woo hoo hoo

* Walks to the hillside

* Gear on his back

- Trying to sneak out
before anybody wakes up?

- I thought it was for
the best, considering.

- Considering what?

- You know, everyone hating me.

- Everybody doesn't hate you.

I don't hate you.

- How's Mary?

- She doesn't hate you, either,

well, much.

- Well, that's something.

Oh, Geez, I'm sorry
I punched you.

- It's okay.

If I thought you slept with
Mary, I would do the same thing.

- I would never
sleep with Peter.

- Oh, not your weekend, there.

- Kisses.
(smooching)

- No, it is not.

Thank you, Mary,
that means a lot.

Still, I'm sorry for everything.

Congratulations, by the way.

You two make a lovely couple.

I'm looking forward
to the wedding.

I have a feeling I
won't be that popular

with the wedding party, so I
hope you can find me a seat.

- Oh, you're not going
near the wedding party.

(laughing)

We'll put you in the kitchen.

- As I deserve.

(sighing)

Tell George and Susie
I'm sorry for everything.

I really screwed everything
up, didn't I, and Nancy?

- You should probably
talk to them yourself.

- Maybe, yeah.

(car engine sputtering)

- Oh, dammit!

(sighing)

- Car trouble?

(sighing)

- The car won't start
and the earliest

the tow company can
come is on Monday.

Perfect weekend.

- Let me give you a
ride back to the city.

- No.
- Unless you want

to stay here all weekend.

- Fine.

(trunk door slamming)

I was trying to leave
before anybody woke up.

- Me, too,

except Dave was already up.
- Oh.

- Can you believe he
asked Mary to marry him?

- It's nice.

- It is.

Nancy, I just want to say I--

- Peter, not now.

- Okay.

(car door slamming)

(melodic electric guitar music)

- So, what now?

- [Peter] We go home.

(engine rumbling)

(footsteps echoing)

- I'll see you later.

- You going to meet Peter?

- Yeah, me and George are
going to take him out to lunch.

You want to go with us?

- (laughing) No.

- All right, I'll tell
him you said, "Hi."

- Please don't.
- Okay.

- [Dave] Mary says, "Hi."

- Really?

That's nice, I
thought she hated me.

- No.

- So, is George coming?

- He said he is.

- I haven't seen
him since the cabin.

He did send me a very nice
birthday card, which was nice.

- Did you talk to Nancy?

- [Peter] I did.

- How'd that go?

- Not well.

I'm so glad you came, Nancy.

- I thought we should talk.

- I couldn't agree more.

Look, I am so sorry
about everything

that happened at the cabin.

I don't know what was
going through my mind.

Look, I brought you flowers.

- Peter, stop.

I'm seeing somebody.

- You're seeing someone?

- His name is Frank

and I don't know if
it's going somewhere,

but I want to find out.

- Frank?
- He's,

nothing like you which is
what I need, right now.

- That's hurtful.

(cellophane crinkling)

- Goodbye, Peter.
- Nan...

Goodbye, Nancy.

- I'm sorry, buddy.

- Yeah, me too.

But, you know, it's okay.

We tried to make things
work, we tried to fix things

and we couldn't,
so it's all right.

- That's a very positive,
and completely unlike-you,

way of looking at things.

- Thank you, I'm working on
personal growth with Dr. Gordon.

- I thought Dr.
Gordon was an idiot?

- Oh, oh, he is, he is an idiot,

but Nancy seemed to like him,

so I'm gonna give him a chance.

- Yeah, so are you
seeing anybody?

Mary wanted to know if you
wanted to bring a plus one?

- Yeah, yeah, I
was seeing Susie.

- You're seeing Susie?

- Emphasis on the word
was, about four months ago.

It turns out we had
nothing in common.

She's with someone else, now.

- Who?
- A real prince.

- Nice guy, huh?

- No, no, he's an actual
prince of a European country.

Uh, she got the fairytale
wedding she wanted.

I think she's, like, third
in the line for the throne.

She sent me a Christmas card.

- That's weird.

- Yeah, yeah, it is.

But, well, you know, when
it's right, it's right,

so I wish her all the
happiness in the world.

- And, how are you?

- I'm great, thanks to
my lover, Adam Rosenbaum,

and you can tell Mary that
I'll be a plus one, a gay one.

- You could just say, plus one.

- That's offensive.

And, you, (smooching) I am
working on forgiving you for,

harpooning my Dolphin,
I'm working on it.

- Thank you?

- So, are you bringing anybody?

- Well, I was going to bring
this girl I was seeing, Jane,

but she doesn't want
to see me anymore.

She said I lacked maturity.

She's 19, but I lack maturity.

- 19 is young.

- Who's she gonna
take to the prom, now?

(laughing)

- At least, you got your job.

- Actually, I do not.

Apparently, they frown on you
not coming in for two weeks.

- Jobs do that.
- Mm-hmm.

- You still have the apartment?

- Actually, I've been
meaning to talk to you

about that, you and Mary,

I'm just gonna need a place
to stay for a couple of weeks,

just until I get my,
back up on my feet.

- I would love to, but the
dog and you're allergic, so--

- I'm not allergic to dogs.

- But, Mary does not like you.

- You could stay
with Adam and I.

- I could sleep on the couch.

- Actually, he's on business.

You could stay in bed with me.

- Nah.
- Remember when we kissed?

- Yes, I do.
- I do.

I still love you.

- You guys kissed?

- [George] Let's show him?

- So, that was it.

I'd hit rock bottom:

no wife, no girlfriend,

no job, practically homeless.

Nancy filed for divorce.

So, it was at that moment,
when I was at my lowest,

that I decided I needed
to turn my life around.

I got a new apartment.

It's bit of a fixer upper,
but I'll make it work.

(computer keys clicking)

Also, my old company
hired me back.

(telephone ringing)

Funny enough, it's
Susie's old job.

Hello?

It's an entry-level position.

Oh, hi, Joseph.

But, I'm told there's
room for advancement.

Yep, uh huh.

- So, things are
going well, now?

- Yeah, pretty well.

Dave and Mary got married.

It was a lovely ceremony.

Mary had me sitting in
the back, by the kitchen.

I thought she was joking
about that; she was not.

- I see.

- And, Nancy got Dave and Mary
in the divorce, of course,

so I can only see Dave every
other weekend (laughs).

I'm kidding, mostly.

- Well, you've certainly
been through a lot, Peter,

but like I always
say, it's the journey

and not the destination
that's important.

So, have you learned
anything from your journey?

- Absolutely.
- That's good, Peter.

What have you learned?

- I'm in love with Nancy
and I'm gonna get her back.

- What?

- Oh, Frank asked
Nancy to marry her.

- Ah, I'm sorry.

- Yeah, I'm going
to the wedding.

- Were you invited
to the wedding?

- I'm gonna go to the wedding

and get Nancy to dump Frank
and get back together with me.

- That's very funny, Peter.

(both laughing)

You are joking, right?

Right, Peter?

(snapping)
Peter?

* And that's where I got started

* I'm headed back home

(melodic guitar music)

* Boots in the garden

* Boots in the garden

* Oh, boots in the garden

* Boots in the garden

* Boots in the garden

* Boots in the garden

* Oh, boots in the garden

* Boots in the garden

* Oh, yeah, oh, oh

* Boots in the garden

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

* Ooh ooh hoo hoo

(tranquil orchestral music)

(upbeat synthesizer
and percussion music)

(tranquil piano
and violin music)