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1
00:01:14,224 --> 00:01:15,747
Bu �ey i�in mi..
2
00:01:15,790 --> 00:01:17,009
New York Times Magazine?
3
00:01:17,052 --> 00:01:19,185
Hay�r. �z�r dilerim, bu...
4
00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:20,795
yani...
5
00:01:20,839 --> 00:01:23,146
ben ba��ms�z bir yazar�m.
6
00:01:23,189 --> 00:01:24,625
De�i�ik dergiler i�in yazar�m
7
00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:26,236
ama bu ki�isel bir konu.
8
00:01:26,279 --> 00:01:27,585
Ki�isel bir konu?
9
00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:29,413
Evet, �z�r dilerim. Sorun olur mu?
10
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:31,023
Hay�r, elbette olmaz.
11
00:01:31,066 --> 00:01:33,025
Bunun ne hakk�nda oldu�unu
sorabilir miyim ve...?
12
00:01:33,068 --> 00:01:35,810
O�lum hakk�nda.
13
00:01:36,811 --> 00:01:39,074
Pekala. Nas�l yard�m edebilirim?
14
00:01:40,075 --> 00:01:42,426
O...
15
00:01:44,428 --> 00:01:48,649
Baz� anlar oluyor ki;
benim b�y�tt���m, i�ini d���n�
16
00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:51,304
bildi�imi d���nd���m
17
00:01:51,348 --> 00:01:54,481
bu �ocu�a bakt���mda
18
00:01:54,525 --> 00:01:57,267
kim oldu�unu tan�m�yorum.
19
00:01:59,269 --> 00:02:02,010
Envai �e�it ila� denedi ve sonunda
20
00:02:02,054 --> 00:02:04,099
kristal meth ba��ml�s� oldu,
21
00:02:04,143 --> 00:02:08,930
o da i�lerinde en k�t�s�
gibi g�r�n�yor..
22
00:02:08,974 --> 00:02:12,020
Bence burada olma nedenim
23
00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:16,199
t�m bunlar hakk�nda...
24
00:02:16,242 --> 00:02:19,027
neler yapabilece�imi...
25
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:20,942
��renmek istemem.
26
00:02:20,986 --> 00:02:22,770
D��man�m� tan�mam gerekiyor, de�il mi?
27
00:02:22,814 --> 00:02:25,033
Yani...
28
00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,690
Soraca��m iki temel soru,
29
00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:32,345
ila� ona ne zararlar veriyor
30
00:02:32,389 --> 00:02:35,740
ve ona yard�m etmek i�in ne yapabilirim?
31
00:02:39,164 --> 00:02:44,964
Bir y�l �nce
32
00:03:33,537 --> 00:03:35,495
Marin Hastanesi.
Nas�l yard�m edebilirim?
33
00:03:35,539 --> 00:03:38,846
Merhaba.O�lum kayboldu ve
34
00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:41,588
bir kontrol etmenizi istiyorum...
35
00:03:41,632 --> 00:03:43,286
oraya getirildi mi
36
00:03:43,329 --> 00:03:46,593
veya kaza ge�irdi mi diye.
37
00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:49,379
�sim ve e�gal alabilir miyim efendim?
38
00:03:49,422 --> 00:03:50,945
Nicolas Sheff.
39
00:03:50,989 --> 00:03:53,339
S-H-E-F-F.
40
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:54,949
O...
41
00:03:54,993 --> 00:03:56,690
18 ya��nda.
42
00:03:56,734 --> 00:03:59,867
1.80'den uzun.
43
00:03:59,911 --> 00:04:01,608
60 kg. civar�.
44
00:04:01,652 --> 00:04:04,829
Daha az olabilir.
Bilmiyorum...
45
00:04:04,872 --> 00:04:07,353
Omuz hizas�nda kahverengi sa�l�
46
00:04:07,397 --> 00:04:09,486
ve ye�il g�zl�.
47
00:04:09,529 --> 00:04:11,270
Te�ekk�rler. Hatta kal�n.
48
00:04:11,314 --> 00:04:13,359
Tamam.
49
00:04:13,403 --> 00:04:15,579
- Bay Sheff?
- Evet.
50
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,755
Bu isimde biri yok efendim.
51
00:04:17,798 --> 00:04:20,410
Tamam, te�ekk�rler.
52
00:05:01,929 --> 00:05:03,888
Gideli 2 g�n oldu.
53
00:05:03,931 --> 00:05:05,542
Ne demek gideli?
54
00:05:05,585 --> 00:05:07,457
- Neler oluyor?
- Bilmiyorum.
55
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,893
- Bilmiyorum.
- �ki g�n?
56
00:05:08,936 --> 00:05:10,416
Neden daha �nce s�ylemedin?
57
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:12,331
San�r�m seni endi�elendirmek istemedim.
58
00:05:12,375 --> 00:05:14,812
- Ben sadece...
- Ben annesiyim, David.
59
00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:16,727
Bunun olaca��n� farketmedin mi?
60
00:05:16,770 --> 00:05:17,902
Hay�r.
61
00:05:17,945 --> 00:05:19,164
Ne?
62
00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:20,992
Hay�r, bunun olaca��n� farketmedim.
63
00:05:21,035 --> 00:05:23,081
Farketseydim bir�eyler yapard�m.
64
00:05:23,124 --> 00:05:25,431
Sadece bir soruydu, David.
�sa a�k�na.
65
00:05:25,475 --> 00:05:27,651
Son zamanlarda onunla pek konu�mad�m.
66
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:30,127
Belki de bu y�zden bana babal�kla
ilgili nasihat vermemen gerekiyor,
67
00:05:30,170 --> 00:05:31,263
de�il mi?
68
00:05:31,306 --> 00:05:33,265
Sittir git, Vicki.
69
00:05:33,308 --> 00:05:35,746
�u anda birbirimizi su�lamasak
olmaz m�? Bu...
70
00:05:35,789 --> 00:05:37,661
Kim kimi su�luyor?
71
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,880
Onu g�remememin sebebi
72
00:05:39,924 --> 00:05:41,578
sadece tatillerde L.A' e gelmek istemesi
73
00:05:41,621 --> 00:05:43,623
ama her seferinde
gelmemek i�in bir mazeret bulmas�.
74
00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:46,757
Bu benim su�um mu?
75
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,659
Nic.
76
00:06:25,622 --> 00:06:27,798
��te k���k karde�in.
77
00:06:29,016 --> 00:06:30,104
S�k� tut.
78
00:06:30,148 --> 00:06:31,497
Ba��n� destekle.
79
00:06:38,722 --> 00:06:40,680
Merhaba, Jasper.
80
00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:43,378
Merhaba, k���k o�lan.
81
00:06:46,469 --> 00:06:48,471
Bu muhte�em.
82
00:06:51,474 --> 00:06:53,476
Dilini ��kard�.
83
00:06:57,697 --> 00:06:59,830
Merhaba. Tan��t���ma memnun oldum.
84
00:06:59,873 --> 00:07:01,832
- Ho��akal.
- Ho��akal.
85
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,660
- Bu yaz seni �zleyece�im.
- Ben de.
86
00:07:03,703 --> 00:07:05,749
- Pekala, bana yaz.
- Sen de bana.
87
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,098
Frans�zcana �al��.
88
00:07:07,141 --> 00:07:08,491
Oui, madame(elbette, bayan).
89
00:07:08,534 --> 00:07:09,709
�yi tatiller.
90
00:07:09,753 --> 00:07:11,755
Annene selam s�yle.
91
00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:16,934
- Her�ey.
- Her�ey.
92
00:07:34,158 --> 00:07:42,158
G�ZEL O�LUM
�eviren:drzhivago(dryakbas)
Keyifli seyirler dilerim.
93
00:08:25,655 --> 00:08:27,482
Hadi.
94
00:08:48,939 --> 00:08:50,767
Hey.
95
00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:53,508
- Nerelerdeydin?
- Uykum var, tamam m�?
96
00:08:53,552 --> 00:08:55,075
Neler yap�yordun?
97
00:08:55,119 --> 00:08:56,947
Uykum var, tamam m�? Git ba��mdan.
98
00:08:57,991 --> 00:09:01,212
�ocuklar, a�a�� inin.
99
00:09:01,255 --> 00:09:03,910
Bir dakikaya gelirim.
100
00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:49,782
Bak adam�m, ben, ben...
101
00:09:49,826 --> 00:09:54,221
Ger�ekten �zg�n�m, tamam m�?
Ve, ve ben...
102
00:09:54,265 --> 00:09:56,484
S���p bat�rd�m,
ve bu hatayd� ,ama...
103
00:09:56,528 --> 00:09:58,835
tek seferlikti,
tamam m�? Dersimi ald�m.
104
00:09:58,878 --> 00:10:02,316
Bu boku tekrar yemek istemiyorum,
tamam m�? Yani...
105
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,448
- Sadece i�eri girelim.
- Hay�r.
106
00:10:03,491 --> 00:10:04,928
Onlar i�inin ehli.
107
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,712
Ne diyeceklerini bir dinleyelim.
108
00:10:06,756 --> 00:10:08,496
Bak, ben 18 ya��nday�m, tamam m�?!
Beni zorlayamazs�n!
109
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:10,542
Hey.
110
00:10:12,631 --> 00:10:14,851
��ler ����r�ndan ��kt�, de�il mi?
111
00:10:14,894 --> 00:10:16,635
Sence ��kmad� m�?
112
00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:22,336
Hadi.
113
00:10:23,686 --> 00:10:24,861
Pekala.
114
00:10:24,904 --> 00:10:28,691
Tamam. Tamam.
115
00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:34,305
Bunu senin i�in yap�yorum.
116
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,683
Tedaviye ihityac� var. Ve acil.
117
00:11:04,727 --> 00:11:07,381
V�cudunda bir s�r� ila� var.
118
00:11:07,425 --> 00:11:10,602
Ve en k�t�s� inkar ediyor.
119
00:11:11,864 --> 00:11:14,084
Ona yard�m edebilir misiniz?
120
00:11:14,127 --> 00:11:16,303
Evet. Yani,
121
00:11:16,347 --> 00:11:19,306
buradaki bir s�r� ki�i
istediklerinden gelmiyorlar.
122
00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:21,744
Ve herhangi birinin
oldu�u kadar �anslar� var.
123
00:11:21,787 --> 00:11:23,746
Pekala.
124
00:11:23,789 --> 00:11:25,965
Bir tane bo� yata��m�z var.
125
00:11:26,009 --> 00:11:28,751
�sterseniz 28 g�nl�k bir
tedaviye al�r
126
00:11:28,794 --> 00:11:30,622
de�erlendiririz.
127
00:11:33,799 --> 00:11:35,540
Ba�ar� oranlar�n�z nas�l?
128
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,803
En iyi olas�l�kla %80,
129
00:11:37,847 --> 00:11:39,631
en k�t�
130
00:11:39,674 --> 00:11:41,807
%25.
131
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:44,723
Bak her g�n psikiatrist
ve bir doktor
132
00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:46,943
taraf�ndan kontrol edilecek.
133
00:11:46,986 --> 00:11:50,903
Herg�n uyu�turucu ve
alkol toplant�lar�m�z var.
134
00:11:50,947 --> 00:11:53,384
�ok s�k� takip edilecek.
135
00:11:54,994 --> 00:11:56,996
Te�ekk�rler.
136
00:11:57,997 --> 00:12:00,217
ve son sayfa.
137
00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:03,481
Her�ey.
138
00:12:05,875 --> 00:12:08,312
Her�ey.
139
00:12:53,661 --> 00:12:56,621
Neden s�rekli bu odadas�n?
140
00:12:56,664 --> 00:12:58,841
Hi� d��ar� ��km�yorsun.
141
00:12:58,884 --> 00:13:00,625
Vampir gibisin.
142
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,629
Yazar�m.
143
00:13:04,672 --> 00:13:07,197
�izerim.
144
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,808
Ne yapmal�y�z, biliyor musun?
145
00:13:09,852 --> 00:13:11,854
S�rf yapmaya gitmeliyiz.
146
00:13:11,897 --> 00:13:13,638
Evet.
147
00:13:13,681 --> 00:13:15,509
Kula�a iyi geliyor mu?
148
00:13:15,553 --> 00:13:18,251
�u anda ba�ka �eylerle me�gulum,
biliyor musun?
149
00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:21,951
�nsanlardan ka�an ve ciddi
depresyonda olan yazarlar� okumak.
150
00:13:21,994 --> 00:13:23,561
Hadi ama, onlar...
151
00:13:23,604 --> 00:13:25,302
bir t�r muhte�em, de�il mi?
152
00:13:25,345 --> 00:13:26,346
Anlad�m.
153
00:13:28,696 --> 00:13:30,916
Ger�i bu da ge�ecek.
154
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,918
Her zaman ge�er.
155
00:13:32,962 --> 00:13:34,833
Ne ge�er?
156
00:13:34,877 --> 00:13:39,098
Yabanc�l�k ve yaln�zl�k hissi.
157
00:13:39,142 --> 00:13:41,013
Ger�ekten yard�mc� oldu.
158
00:13:41,057 --> 00:13:43,102
Tavsiyen i�in te�ekk�rler, Baba.
159
00:13:44,103 --> 00:13:46,149
Tamam.
160
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,587
Pekala. Bu...
161
00:13:49,630 --> 00:13:51,110
Yanl�� gibiydi. �z�r dilerim.
162
00:14:02,382 --> 00:14:04,950
Pekala. Senin fikrin.
163
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:07,039
Hey.
164
00:14:08,649 --> 00:14:10,956
Hey, Baba.
165
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,090
�ok b�y�k ilerleme
kaydetti�ini d���n�yoruz.
166
00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:16,309
- De�il mi, Nic?
- Merhaba. -Hey.
167
00:14:16,353 --> 00:14:18,311
- Bu muhte�em.
- Bu muhte�em.
168
00:14:18,355 --> 00:14:20,183
�n�m�zdeki haftalar hakk�nda
konu�mam�z gerekiyor, Nic.
169
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,750
Bence biraz daha...
Bence biraz daha
170
00:14:22,794 --> 00:14:24,883
tedaviye devam etmem gerekiyor.
Yani e�er...
171
00:14:24,927 --> 00:14:27,190
sizin i�in sorun olmazsa, buradaki
172
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,843
a��k alan tedavi merkezinde
kalmak isterim.
173
00:14:28,887 --> 00:14:33,326
A��k alan tedavi merkezi;
a��k bir ya�am alan�d�r,
174
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,328
her gece kontroller yap�l�r ve
175
00:14:35,372 --> 00:14:38,853
i� bulmas�na bile
yard�mc� oluruz.
176
00:14:38,897 --> 00:14:40,943
�u anda...
177
00:14:40,986 --> 00:14:43,597
�niversiteye...
178
00:14:43,641 --> 00:14:45,991
- gitmek istemiyorum.
- �yle mi?
179
00:14:46,035 --> 00:14:48,994
Tamam. Peki ne yapacaks�n?
180
00:14:49,038 --> 00:14:52,606
Bence ba��ms�z olmal�y�m..
181
00:14:54,869 --> 00:14:57,524
Baba, Sana s�yl�yorum,
bu...
182
00:14:59,526 --> 00:15:02,051
�yi olacak.
183
00:15:02,094 --> 00:15:03,661
Ne yapacak,
184
00:15:03,704 --> 00:15:05,315
geriye kalan hayat�
boyunca, kahve mi?
185
00:15:05,358 --> 00:15:06,664
Biliyorsun, Frederick bana
bir arkada��n�n o�lunun
186
00:15:06,707 --> 00:15:08,666
4 haftal�k programa gitti�ini ama
187
00:15:08,709 --> 00:15:10,668
yeterli gelmeyince
188
00:15:10,711 --> 00:15:12,931
bir y�ll�k programa
ba�lad���n� anlatt�.
189
00:15:12,975 --> 00:15:15,499
Umar�m �n�ne gelene
bu konuyu anlatmam��s�nd�r.
190
00:15:17,414 --> 00:15:19,242
Ne alakas� var �imdi bunun?
191
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:21,026
Nic'i korumak.
Yani, bir noktada,
192
00:15:21,070 --> 00:15:22,985
hayat�na devam etmek isteyecek.
193
00:15:23,028 --> 00:15:25,030
Belki de en iyisi, bu konudan
kimsenin haberinin olmamas�.
194
00:15:25,074 --> 00:15:27,032
Tamam.
195
00:15:28,642 --> 00:15:30,601
Bunu benim i�in de yapamaz m�y�z?
196
00:15:30,644 --> 00:15:32,037
Pekala.
197
00:15:32,081 --> 00:15:34,431
Bak, Nic'in daha �ok zamana
ihtiyac� var.
198
00:15:34,474 --> 00:15:36,781
Anla�t�k.
199
00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:38,174
- Tamam m�?
- Tamam.
200
00:15:38,217 --> 00:15:39,349
Tamam m�?
201
00:15:39,392 --> 00:15:41,003
Evet, tamam.
202
00:15:54,103 --> 00:15:55,495
David Sheff.
203
00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:57,019
Merhaba, Bay Sheff.
204
00:15:57,062 --> 00:15:59,325
Ben Annie Goldblum,
Ohlhoff Merkezi'nden.
205
00:15:59,369 --> 00:16:01,458
Evet. Merhaba.
206
00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:03,112
Dinleyin, sizi rahats�z etti�im i�in
kusura bakmay�n,
207
00:16:03,155 --> 00:16:05,984
ancak Nic hakk�nda haber
vermem gerekiyor.
208
00:16:06,028 --> 00:16:08,378
Buyrun.
209
00:16:08,421 --> 00:16:10,989
Bug�n izin saatinde
tesisi terketti ve
210
00:16:11,033 --> 00:16:13,905
hen�z d�nmedi.
211
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:16,647
�zg�n�m, Bay Sheff,
212
00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:18,170
ancak umutsuzlu�a kap�lmay�n.
213
00:16:18,214 --> 00:16:20,346
Bunlar olur.
214
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:22,609
Fakat ben...
215
00:16:22,653 --> 00:16:25,003
�yi gidiyor demi�tiniz.
216
00:16:25,047 --> 00:16:29,051
Bunu s�recin bir par�as� gibi de�erlendirin.
217
00:16:29,094 --> 00:16:31,401
Ataklar, iyile�me
s�recinin par�as�d�r.
218
00:16:31,444 --> 00:16:33,359
�yile�me s�recinin par�as� m�d�r?
219
00:16:33,403 --> 00:16:36,406
Evet. Nic'in ��renme
s�recinin bir par�as�d�r.
220
00:16:36,449 --> 00:16:38,190
Pekala, bu...
221
00:16:38,234 --> 00:16:41,628
pilot e�itiminde yere �ak�lma
s�recin par�as�d�r demeye benziyor.
222
00:16:41,672 --> 00:16:44,370
Bak�n, muhtemelen �ok k�sa
zamanda d�necektir.
223
00:16:44,414 --> 00:16:46,242
Onu arayan bir personeliniz var m�?
224
00:16:46,285 --> 00:16:48,157
Tesisi terketti�i anda
225
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,723
bizim sorumlulu�umuzdan ��kar.
226
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:51,464
- Pekala.
- Fakat O...
227
00:17:28,066 --> 00:17:29,981
Pardon.
228
00:17:30,024 --> 00:17:32,462
Buralarda tak�lan
bir �ocuk g�rd�n�z m�?
229
00:17:32,505 --> 00:17:34,290
- Hay�r.
- Hay�r m�?
230
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:36,640
Tamam. Te�ekk�rler.
231
00:18:22,381 --> 00:18:23,948
Wow. Bununla u�ra�mak istemezler.
232
00:18:23,991 --> 00:18:25,210
Hey, Baba, bundan i�mek
ister misin?
233
00:18:25,254 --> 00:18:26,429
Hey.
234
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:27,952
Bekle. Ne..? Dur.
235
00:18:27,995 --> 00:18:29,214
- Kald�r onu.
- Bunu beraber i�ece�iz.
236
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:30,868
Hay�r. Hay�r, hay�r.
Kafay� m� yed....
237
00:18:30,911 --> 00:18:32,522
- Bu ��lg�nl�k.
- ��ti�ini biliyorum.
238
00:18:32,565 --> 00:18:34,132
- ... Evet, tamam. Ben...
- O zaman beraber i�elim.
239
00:18:34,176 --> 00:18:35,742
Hay�r. Hay�r, hay�r.
Aras�ra, sanki...
240
00:18:35,786 --> 00:18:37,483
-Bak, beraber i�e...
beraber i�elim. -Dinle.
241
00:18:37,527 --> 00:18:39,529
- Veya ben sadece... Biliyor musun?
- Hay�r, kes �unu, kes �unu.
242
00:18:39,572 --> 00:18:40,747
- Dur. Dur.
- Sadece yakaca��m...
243
00:18:40,791 --> 00:18:41,879
Biliyor musun? Hakl�s�n.
244
00:18:41,922 --> 00:18:43,097
Tek ba��ma i�ece�im.
245
00:18:43,141 --> 00:18:44,664
Yapma. Aras�ra,
246
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:45,926
- zaman zaman...
- Evet?
247
00:18:45,970 --> 00:18:47,885
Bir partide bir veya iki f�rt �ekerdim,
248
00:18:47,928 --> 00:18:49,669
fakat uzun zaman oldu,
o y�zden sadece...
249
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:51,193
Pekala, o zaman i�elim...
250
00:18:51,236 --> 00:18:53,847
o�lunla kutlama sarmas� i�.
251
00:18:53,891 --> 00:18:56,502
Hay�r. Tanr�m, hadi.
252
00:18:56,546 --> 00:18:58,243
Hay�r. Hay�r, sen muhte�emsin.
253
00:18:58,287 --> 00:18:59,766
Sen... 6 �niversiteye ba�vurdun ve
254
00:18:59,810 --> 00:19:01,203
hepsi de kabul m� ettiler?
255
00:19:01,246 --> 00:19:02,334
Evet.
256
00:19:02,378 --> 00:19:04,380
Kendinden ��phelenmeyi b�rak.
257
00:19:04,423 --> 00:19:06,120
Bi bak kendine.
258
00:19:07,252 --> 00:19:09,689
Ver �unu. Ver �unu.
259
00:19:13,258 --> 00:19:14,912
Ne?
260
00:19:14,955 --> 00:19:17,262
Sa�lam �ektin.
Baya�� sa�lam �ektin.
261
00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:21,527
- Ne?
- Pekala...
262
00:19:22,572 --> 00:19:26,576
Te�ekk�rler. Bu g�zel...
263
00:19:26,619 --> 00:19:28,534
�eyi yapt���n i�in.
264
00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:33,017
Baya�� hap i�tin, de�il mi?
265
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:34,845
Ben...
266
00:19:34,888 --> 00:19:37,064
Evet, pay�ma d��eni i�tim.
267
00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:38,544
Baz� haplar�n tad�na bakt�m.
268
00:19:38,588 --> 00:19:40,067
��tim.
269
00:19:42,592 --> 00:19:43,897
- Fakat zarars�zlard�.
- Ne, bu mu...?
270
00:19:43,941 --> 00:19:45,334
Bir o�lan vard� ve...
Hay�r, hay�r.
271
00:19:45,377 --> 00:19:46,552
Vaaz k�sm�na m� geldik?
272
00:19:46,596 --> 00:19:48,293
- De�il mi?
- Evet.
273
00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:49,773
Baba, �ok endi�eleniyorsun.
274
00:19:49,816 --> 00:19:51,862
- Herkes i�iyor.
- Sadece dikkatli ol.
275
00:19:51,905 --> 00:19:54,343
Bu sadece k���k bir sarma.
Biraz de az�c�k �ekiyorum.
276
00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:56,432
Bu sadece... bilirsin,
uzun s�redir ilk defa.
277
00:19:57,868 --> 00:20:00,087
Az�c�k �ekmeyi hakediyorum.
278
00:20:00,131 --> 00:20:01,611
- "�ekmeyi haketmek."
- Hakediyorum.
279
00:20:01,654 --> 00:20:04,701
Bak, bu sadece...gerginli�imi al�yor.
280
00:20:04,744 --> 00:20:08,226
Bu, bu...t�m g�n�n aptal
ger�ekli�inin gerginli�ini al�yor.
281
00:20:12,448 --> 00:20:16,060
Ger�ekli�in aptal taraf� neresi?
282
00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:18,018
Bilirsin, �ey gibi...
283
00:20:18,062 --> 00:20:21,979
herg�n olan, �nemsiz
aptal �eyler gibi.
284
00:20:22,022 --> 00:20:23,459
Tamam.
285
00:20:23,502 --> 00:20:25,417
B�yle aptalca �eyler s�ylersen
286
00:20:25,461 --> 00:20:26,897
bir s�re sonra
inanmaya ba�lars�n.
287
00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:28,594
Do�ru.
288
00:20:39,118 --> 00:20:41,118
Kristal meth ba��ml�l���n�n belirtileri
289
00:20:42,142 --> 00:20:44,142
A��r� derecede ba��ml�l�k
yapan uyar�c� bir ila�t�r.
290
00:20:46,166 --> 00:20:50,166
Meth ki�inin duygu durumunu
h�zla de�i�tirip k�zg�n ve sald�rgan yapabilir.
291
00:20:58,145 --> 00:21:00,322
Bunu getirdi�in i�in sa�ol, Karen.
292
00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:07,851
Buras� benim evim.
293
00:21:09,548 --> 00:21:11,724
Birka� hafta �nce,
bana sadece
294
00:21:11,768 --> 00:21:15,293
bir kez meth
kulland���n� s�ylemi�tin.
295
00:21:15,337 --> 00:21:18,252
Bundan fazlas� var, de�il mi?
296
00:21:18,296 --> 00:21:20,429
Daha fazla kulland�n.
297
00:21:20,472 --> 00:21:21,734
Do�ru mu?
298
00:21:21,778 --> 00:21:22,996
David.
299
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,171
Bilmek zorunday�z.
300
00:21:25,216 --> 00:21:27,131
Bilmek zorunday�z.
301
00:21:30,613 --> 00:21:33,006
Bence her zaman ho�uma gidiyordu.
302
00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:35,095
Ne?
303
00:21:36,575 --> 00:21:39,404
Herbiri. Sarma, alkol,
304
00:21:39,448 --> 00:21:42,625
Ekstazi, kokain, LSD.
305
00:21:44,148 --> 00:21:46,455
Sen de t�m bunlar� kulland�n....
306
00:21:46,498 --> 00:21:48,500
y�llard�r �yle mi?
307
00:21:48,544 --> 00:21:50,546
Birka� y�ld�r, evet.
308
00:21:51,764 --> 00:21:53,244
Ya meth?
309
00:21:54,593 --> 00:21:56,639
Sadece birka� ay oldu.
310
00:21:58,031 --> 00:21:59,381
Neden?
311
00:22:02,035 --> 00:22:03,036
Bilmiyorum.
312
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:12,742
Onu kulland���mda, hi�...
313
00:22:18,138 --> 00:22:21,577
olmad���m kadar iyi hissettim, sonu�ta...
314
00:22:21,620 --> 00:22:24,014
kullanmaya devam ettim.
315
00:22:24,057 --> 00:22:27,278
�ok fazla sarma i�iyorsun diye
benim �d�m koparken,
316
00:22:27,321 --> 00:22:31,804
sen gezegendeki her t�rl�
uyu�turucuyu mu i�iyordun?
317
00:22:31,848 --> 00:22:35,895
Ve benden gizleyip
yalan m� s�yl�yordun?
318
00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,462
Neden?
319
00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:40,770
- Bilmiyorum...
- Neden?
320
00:22:40,813 --> 00:22:42,467
- Nic, s�yle bana neden?
- Sakin.
321
00:22:42,511 --> 00:22:44,643
- Bilmiyorum.
- Yak�n�z san�yordum.
322
00:22:44,687 --> 00:22:46,950
T�m baba ve evlatlardan
daha yak�n�z san�yordum.
323
00:22:46,993 --> 00:22:48,908
Evet, seni her zaman hayal
k�r�kl���na u�ratt���m� hissettim.
324
00:22:48,952 --> 00:22:50,388
�niversiteye gitmedim diye
hayal k�r�kl���na u�rad���n� hissettim.
325
00:22:50,432 --> 00:22:51,563
Beni su�layabilir misin?!
326
00:22:51,607 --> 00:22:53,217
�ok k�sa zaman �nce,
327
00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:55,437
okuyordun, yaz�yordun ve
328
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:56,873
su topu tak�m�ndayd�n.
329
00:22:56,916 --> 00:22:58,440
�imdi halimize bak.
330
00:22:58,483 --> 00:22:59,963
- Baba... - Biraz durur musunuz?
- Bu biz de�iliz.
331
00:23:00,006 --> 00:23:02,095
- Bu biz olamay�z.
- Sadece, l�tfen,
332
00:23:02,139 --> 00:23:03,793
ikiniz de durun.
333
00:23:03,836 --> 00:23:06,709
Baba, her�ey i�in
�ok �zg�n�m.
334
00:23:08,145 --> 00:23:10,321
Baba, ben �yle...
335
00:23:12,889 --> 00:23:15,282
Ger�ekten �zg�n�m, Baba.
336
00:23:19,156 --> 00:23:21,463
Nic, neyin varsa...
337
00:23:22,638 --> 00:23:25,075
...tekrar bulacaks�n.
338
00:23:27,817 --> 00:23:30,950
Ve geri alacaks�n.
339
00:24:11,904 --> 00:24:13,776
Nic!
340
00:24:23,655 --> 00:24:25,657
Nic!
341
00:24:26,963 --> 00:24:28,355
Nic!
342
00:24:30,140 --> 00:24:31,837
Nic!
343
00:24:42,239 --> 00:24:44,241
Nic!
344
00:24:58,647 --> 00:25:00,083
Merhaba, Baba.
345
00:25:00,126 --> 00:25:01,824
Merhaba.
346
00:25:01,867 --> 00:25:03,477
New York nas�l?
347
00:25:03,521 --> 00:25:04,696
�yi. G�zel.
348
00:25:04,740 --> 00:25:06,089
Bug�nk� r�portaj iyi ge�ti.
349
00:25:06,132 --> 00:25:07,525
- G�zel.
- Sen nas�ls�n?
350
00:25:07,569 --> 00:25:10,136
�yiyim. Evet.
351
00:25:10,180 --> 00:25:11,790
�yle mi? Emin misin?
352
00:25:11,834 --> 00:25:13,618
Evet. Bilmiyorum....
353
00:25:13,662 --> 00:25:15,402
Ne?
354
00:25:15,446 --> 00:25:17,013
Bu...
355
00:25:17,056 --> 00:25:18,492
Neler oluyor?
356
00:25:18,536 --> 00:25:21,408
�u grup toplant�lar�n�n birindeydik
357
00:25:21,452 --> 00:25:24,020
ve oradaki �ocuklardan biri
�niversiteye gitmek i�in
358
00:25:24,063 --> 00:25:26,152
can att���n� ama gidemedi�ini s�yledi.
359
00:25:26,196 --> 00:25:28,198
- Tamam.
- Sonradan konu�tu�umuzda,
360
00:25:28,241 --> 00:25:30,417
"Aptal olma, hala �niversiteye
gitme �ans�n var,
361
00:25:30,461 --> 00:25:32,419
git �niversiteye" dedi.
362
00:25:33,682 --> 00:25:35,205
Bilmiyorum, ��lg�nca geliyor.
363
00:25:35,248 --> 00:25:38,251
Belki bunu d���nmemeliyim.
364
00:25:38,295 --> 00:25:39,470
Yazmay� seviyorum.
365
00:25:39,513 --> 00:25:42,038
Bu konuda iyi oldu�umu
da d���n�yorum ama
366
00:25:42,081 --> 00:25:44,823
zaten �ok �ey yazd�m ve...
367
00:25:44,867 --> 00:25:47,696
a��k�as�, hala ��renmem gereken
368
00:25:47,739 --> 00:25:50,089
bir s�r� �ey var...
369
00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:53,919
Herneyse...
370
00:25:53,963 --> 00:25:56,748
Yine de bir denemek isterim...
371
00:25:56,792 --> 00:25:59,621
e�er sizce de bir sak�ncas� yoksa.
372
00:26:02,493 --> 00:26:05,975
Tamam. Annen ve Karen'la
bu konuyu konu�urum.
373
00:26:07,019 --> 00:26:08,804
Bir tanesi arkada.
374
00:26:32,088 --> 00:26:33,698
Oda arkada��nla tan��mad�n m�?
375
00:26:33,742 --> 00:26:34,917
Tan��t�m, kibar biri.
376
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,006
Koridorda.
377
00:26:37,049 --> 00:26:38,311
Senin i�in korktum.
378
00:26:41,140 --> 00:26:42,664
Korkma ben e�itirim onu.
379
00:26:44,491 --> 00:26:46,711
Fark�na varmadan John Zorn
dinlemeye ba�layacak.
380
00:26:57,026 --> 00:26:58,941
Art�k gitsem iyi olacak.
381
00:26:58,984 --> 00:27:00,333
Pekala.
382
00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:15,636
- Her�ey.
- Her�ey.
383
00:27:30,189 --> 00:27:31,887
Charles Bukowski'nin yazd���
384
00:27:31,930 --> 00:27:33,497
bir �iir bu.
385
00:27:35,151 --> 00:27:39,546
Bu adam bir �ok kez
hayat�m� kurtard�, o y�zden..
386
00:27:39,590 --> 00:27:43,115
" ��e girdim ��kt�m, ta��nd�m,
387
00:27:43,159 --> 00:27:44,900
"Tatillerden nefret ettim,
388
00:27:44,943 --> 00:27:47,511
"bebeklerden,tarihten,
389
00:27:47,554 --> 00:27:50,862
"gazetelerden, m�zelerden,
b�y�kannelerden,
390
00:27:50,906 --> 00:27:54,866
evlilikten, filmlerden, �r�mceklerden..."
391
00:27:54,910 --> 00:27:56,694
G�rmek istedi�im bu,
G�rmek istedi�im bu!
392
00:27:56,738 --> 00:27:58,043
"...��p��lerden,
393
00:27:58,087 --> 00:27:59,349
- "�ngiliz aksan�ndan...
- G�zel. devam, devam, devam!
394
00:27:59,392 --> 00:28:01,481
"...�spanya'dan, Fransa'dan,
395
00:28:01,525 --> 00:28:05,529
"Italya'dan, cevizlerden ve
turuncu renkten.
396
00:28:05,572 --> 00:28:11,187
"Matematik sinirlendirdi,
opera hasta etti,
397
00:28:11,230 --> 00:28:12,797
"Charlie Chaplin sahteydi ve
398
00:28:12,841 --> 00:28:15,365
�i�ekler efemineler i�indi."
399
00:28:19,108 --> 00:28:21,110
Te�ekk�rler.
400
00:28:37,039 --> 00:28:39,781
Gel buraya.
401
00:28:47,527 --> 00:28:50,095
Merhaba.
402
00:29:12,204 --> 00:29:13,727
Banyo nerede?
403
00:29:13,771 --> 00:29:15,251
Banyonuzu kullanabilir miyim?
404
00:29:15,294 --> 00:29:16,339
Elbette, tatl�m.
405
00:29:16,382 --> 00:29:17,601
Yerini g�stereyim.
406
00:29:17,644 --> 00:29:19,211
Yukar� ��k, solda.
407
00:30:31,588 --> 00:30:33,938
- Merhaba, Baba.
- Merhaba, Nic.
408
00:30:33,982 --> 00:30:35,722
Nas�ls�n?
Nas�l gidiyor?
409
00:30:35,766 --> 00:30:37,159
Her�ey yolunda gidiyor.
410
00:30:37,202 --> 00:30:38,638
G�nderdi�in para i�in te�ekk�r ederim.
411
00:30:38,682 --> 00:30:39,813
Ger�ekten minnettar�m.
412
00:30:40,137 --> 00:30:42,137
G�venli enjeksiyon.
413
00:32:06,465 --> 00:32:09,077
Evet, her zaman fond�ye bay�l�rd�n.
414
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:11,601
Patrick ve Phil
yar�n y�r�y��e gidecekler
415
00:32:11,644 --> 00:32:14,691
onlara kat�lmam�z ho�lar�na gider.
416
00:32:19,087 --> 00:32:20,610
Jasper ve Daisy buralarda m�...?
417
00:32:20,653 --> 00:32:22,612
- Burada de�iller.
- �yle mi?
418
00:32:22,655 --> 00:32:24,353
- Hay�r.
- Beni g�rmek istemediler mi?
419
00:32:24,396 --> 00:32:26,920
- Hay�r,seni g�rmek istemediler.
- Bunu duymak a��r�ma gitti.
420
00:32:26,964 --> 00:32:30,011
O zaman bu kanepeye oturup
bu konuda biraz
421
00:32:30,054 --> 00:32:31,142
d���nmem gerekiyor, de�il mi?
422
00:32:32,622 --> 00:32:35,973
Aman Tanr�m, bu Daisy!
423
00:32:36,017 --> 00:32:37,583
Jasper!
424
00:32:37,627 --> 00:32:40,456
Aman Tanr�m, ne kadar da
b�y�m��s�n�z!
425
00:32:40,499 --> 00:32:43,502
Aman Tanr�m, siz �yle...!
426
00:32:44,764 --> 00:32:46,462
- Pekala.
- Danimarka, 1632.
427
00:32:46,505 --> 00:32:48,638
- Hay�r.
- Biz...
428
00:32:48,681 --> 00:32:52,772
Hula-Hop tarihine
bir g�z atmak gibi.
429
00:32:52,816 --> 00:32:55,340
Bar�� ve bilgelik k�lt�r�....
430
00:32:55,384 --> 00:32:57,690
�yle �nemli ki.
431
00:32:57,734 --> 00:32:59,214
Bir adam
432
00:32:59,257 --> 00:33:01,520
- ad� George...
- Hoopulu.
433
00:33:01,564 --> 00:33:04,610
O..., O...
434
00:33:04,654 --> 00:33:06,308
d���nd� ve dedi ki...
435
00:33:06,351 --> 00:33:08,875
"Pekala, bir �ey
436
00:33:08,919 --> 00:33:10,486
icat etmem gerekiyor..."
437
00:33:16,013 --> 00:33:17,362
Hey.
438
00:33:17,406 --> 00:33:20,278
Hey...
439
00:33:20,322 --> 00:33:22,759
Hey...
440
00:33:22,802 --> 00:33:25,718
Bu ak�am araban� alabilir miyim?
441
00:33:25,762 --> 00:33:28,156
��nk�...
bir toplant�ya kat�lmak istiyorum.
442
00:33:28,199 --> 00:33:30,114
Bu ak�am toplant�ya m� kat�lacaks�n?
443
00:33:30,158 --> 00:33:31,985
Tamam, olur.
444
00:33:35,380 --> 00:33:36,729
�yi misin?
445
00:33:36,773 --> 00:33:38,427
Evet. Ben sadece...
446
00:33:39,689 --> 00:33:41,125
- �ok ��lg�nlar.
- Evet.
447
00:33:41,169 --> 00:33:43,823
Evde oldu�un i�in
�ok heyecanl�lar.
448
00:33:45,869 --> 00:33:48,698
- Yani, sabah g�r���r�z san�r�m.
- Tamam.
449
00:33:50,395 --> 00:33:52,354
Pekala.
450
00:34:15,116 --> 00:34:16,943
Evet!
451
00:34:39,575 --> 00:34:41,316
Nerede?!
452
00:34:41,359 --> 00:34:42,882
Bende de�il!
453
00:34:42,926 --> 00:34:44,406
Nerede?!
454
00:34:44,449 --> 00:34:45,972
Bende de�il!
455
00:34:46,016 --> 00:34:47,800
�ocuklar, �ocuklar, �ocuklar.
456
00:34:47,844 --> 00:34:49,498
Nerede?!
457
00:34:49,541 --> 00:34:51,195
- �ocuklar, �ocuklar, kesin �unu.
- Bilmiyorum!
458
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,023
Durun. Sakin olun.
Neler oluyor?
459
00:34:53,066 --> 00:34:54,851
Param� ald�!
460
00:34:54,894 --> 00:34:56,287
Almad�m.
461
00:34:56,331 --> 00:34:58,507
Tamam, pekala.
Hadi, a�a�� inip
462
00:34:58,550 --> 00:35:00,248
- annenizle konu�un, tamam m�?
- Sen ald�n!
463
00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:02,206
Yapma, yapma, dur, dur.
464
00:35:02,250 --> 00:35:05,253
- Ben almad�m, Baba.
- Almad���n� biliyorum. Pekala.
465
00:35:05,296 --> 00:35:08,038
Sadece a�a�� inip
kahvalt�n�z� yap�n.
466
00:35:08,081 --> 00:35:09,170
Hey, ne oldu?
467
00:35:10,867 --> 00:35:12,216
Paralar�m gitmi�.
468
00:35:12,260 --> 00:35:14,740
Pekala, oraya
koydu�una emin misin?
469
00:35:14,784 --> 00:35:17,917
- Evet, d�n koydum.
- Tamam.
470
00:35:24,924 --> 00:35:26,926
Jasper'�n biriktirdikleri kaybolmu�.
471
00:35:28,928 --> 00:35:30,930
�yle mi? Bu tuhaf.
472
00:35:36,284 --> 00:35:39,243
8 dolar�n� sen mi ald�n?
473
00:35:40,418 --> 00:35:41,898
Ne?
474
00:35:41,941 --> 00:35:43,204
Beni duydun.
475
00:35:44,248 --> 00:35:45,989
Neden alay�m ki?
476
00:35:46,032 --> 00:35:48,774
Kayboldu�una g�re biri
alm�� olmal�.
477
00:35:48,818 --> 00:35:50,689
Do�ru, o zaman ben alm���md�r.
478
00:35:50,733 --> 00:35:53,126
Bu �ok sa�ma.
479
00:35:53,170 --> 00:35:56,347
Tekrar kullanmaya m� ba�lad�n?
480
00:35:56,391 --> 00:35:59,176
Tekrar kullanmaya m� ba�lad�m? Hay�r.
481
00:36:01,178 --> 00:36:03,920
�u anda kafan iyi mi?
482
00:36:03,963 --> 00:36:05,574
Ne...? Hay�r.
483
00:36:05,617 --> 00:36:07,663
- Sittir git.
- "Sittir git" mi?
484
00:36:07,706 --> 00:36:09,186
Benimle bu �ekilde konu�ma.
485
00:36:09,230 --> 00:36:10,796
�u anda kafan iyi mi?
486
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,189
Hay�r.
487
00:36:12,233 --> 00:36:13,799
�u anda kullanm�yorsun, de�il mi?
488
00:36:13,843 --> 00:36:15,236
Kullan�yor musun?
489
00:36:15,279 --> 00:36:18,935
Hay�r, Baba,
�u anda s.kik kafam iyi de�il!
490
00:36:18,978 --> 00:36:20,980
Tamam.
491
00:36:24,332 --> 00:36:27,639
Dinle, seni �niversiteye
g�ndermek bir kumard�.
492
00:36:27,683 --> 00:36:30,381
Herkes g�nder dedi.
493
00:36:30,425 --> 00:36:32,383
Gitti�in i�in de mutluyum.
494
00:36:33,558 --> 00:36:36,082
Ataklar iyile�menin par�...
495
00:36:36,126 --> 00:36:38,041
Ataklar iyile�menin bir par�as�.
496
00:36:38,084 --> 00:36:42,001
- O y�zden senin...
- Gitsem iyi olacak.
497
00:36:50,401 --> 00:36:52,882
- David?
- Hey.
498
00:36:52,925 --> 00:36:55,667
Sadece... nereye gideceksin?
499
00:36:55,711 --> 00:36:57,974
�yle �ekip gidemezsin.
Bu sa�ma.
500
00:36:58,017 --> 00:36:59,628
- Hadi.
- Bizimle konu�amaz m�s�n?
501
00:36:59,671 --> 00:37:01,586
Yani, ger�ekten...
sadece konu�mak istiyoruz.
502
00:37:01,630 --> 00:37:04,023
Neden...
anlamam�za yard�m etmiyorsun?
503
00:37:04,067 --> 00:37:05,721
- Ya da sana yard�m etmemize.
- Tamam m�?
504
00:37:05,764 --> 00:37:07,244
Lanet yard�m�n�z� istemiyorum.
Anlam�yor musunuz?
505
00:37:07,288 --> 00:37:08,637
- Hay�r. - Hay�r, yapma.
�sa a�k�na, o halde
506
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:09,986
ne derdiniz var benimle , ha?
507
00:37:10,029 --> 00:37:11,422
- Ne derdiniz var sizin?
- Nic.
508
00:37:11,466 --> 00:37:12,945
- Hay�r! Beni bo�uyorsunuz.
- Hey.
509
00:37:12,989 --> 00:37:14,556
Beni bo�uyorsunuz.!
510
00:37:14,599 --> 00:37:17,036
Biz mi?
Sorun biz miyiz?
511
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,300
Hay�r, bunun sebebi sensin, sen yapt�n!
512
00:37:19,343 --> 00:37:21,040
Bunun sebebi sensin!
513
00:37:21,084 --> 00:37:23,304
Bunu durdurabilecek tek
ki�i de sensin!
514
00:37:23,347 --> 00:37:25,306
Lanet sorununu ��z!
515
00:37:53,595 --> 00:37:54,639
Lanet olsun!
516
00:37:55,684 --> 00:37:57,207
Lanet olsun!
517
00:38:31,031 --> 00:38:33,531
Tek bir PERCOCET (uyu�turucu hap)
ne kadar zararl� olabilir?
518
00:38:49,155 --> 00:38:51,655
�la�lar�n, siyah beyaz d�nyam� rengarenk
yapt���n� ke�fedince onlardan vazge�medim.
519
00:38:51,679 --> 00:38:53,179
�imdi insanlara ne duymak
istiyorlarsa onu s�yl�yorum.
520
00:39:03,103 --> 00:39:05,103
Her�ey daha �abuk par�alan�yor.
521
00:39:08,127 --> 00:39:10,127
Daha �ok kulland�k�a,
daha �ok utan�lacak �ey yap�yorum,
522
00:39:10,151 --> 00:39:12,151
ben de daha �ok kullan�p
bununla y�zle�mek zorunda kalm�yorum.
523
00:39:18,175 --> 00:39:20,175
Eski g�nlere d�nmek
o kadar uzak g�r�n�yor ki.
524
00:39:26,999 --> 00:39:28,999
Burada Meth bulmak �ok zor.
Onun yerine eroin al�yorum.
525
00:39:30,123 --> 00:39:32,123
Tek yapabildi�im ileri ve ileri gitmek.
Geriye bakmamak.
526
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,714
Demek, bu �ey i�in..
527
00:39:52,757 --> 00:39:54,455
New York Times Magazine?
528
00:39:54,498 --> 00:39:56,239
Hay�r, bu...
529
00:39:56,282 --> 00:39:57,588
Ben... Ben yazar�m.
530
00:39:57,632 --> 00:39:59,155
De�i�ik dergiler i�in yazar�m
531
00:39:59,198 --> 00:40:02,245
ama bu ki�isel bir konu.
532
00:40:02,288 --> 00:40:04,508
- Ki�isel bir konu?
- Evet. �z�r dilerim.
533
00:40:04,552 --> 00:40:06,771
- Sorun olur mu?
- Hay�r, elbette olmaz.
534
00:40:06,815 --> 00:40:08,686
Bunun ne hakk�nda oldu�unu
sorabilir miyim ve...?
535
00:40:08,730 --> 00:40:11,167
Bu o�lum hakk�nda.
536
00:40:11,210 --> 00:40:13,212
Tamam.
537
00:40:16,215 --> 00:40:19,436
Envai �e�it ila� denedi ve sonunda
538
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,351
kristal meth ba��ml�s� oldu,
539
00:40:21,394 --> 00:40:25,181
o da i�lerinde en k�t�s�
gibi g�r�n�yor..
540
00:40:25,224 --> 00:40:27,488
Bence burada olma nedenim
541
00:40:27,531 --> 00:40:31,230
t�m bunlar hakk�nda...
542
00:40:31,274 --> 00:40:34,233
neler yapabilece�imi ��renmek istemem.
543
00:40:34,277 --> 00:40:36,801
Kristal meth, kullan�c�ya
544
00:40:36,845 --> 00:40:38,716
ilac� ald��� anda
545
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,327
ge�ici bir keyif hali verir.
546
00:40:41,371 --> 00:40:42,546
Ancak v�cut al��t�k�a
dopamin deposunun
547
00:40:42,590 --> 00:40:44,374
%60 kadar�n� bo�altt���ndan
548
00:40:44,417 --> 00:40:47,333
kullan�c� dozu artt�rmak
zorunda kal�r.
549
00:40:47,377 --> 00:40:51,381
Ayn� keyifi almak i�in
dozu ikiye, ��e katlamak
550
00:40:51,424 --> 00:40:53,557
zorunda kal�r, bu da daha �ok
sinir hasar�na
551
00:40:53,601 --> 00:40:57,474
ve kullanma tak�nt�s�na yol a�ar..
552
00:40:57,518 --> 00:40:59,041
K�s�r d�ng�.
553
00:41:01,086 --> 00:41:03,262
- Naber?
- Hey.
554
00:41:03,306 --> 00:41:06,004
Biraz ara�t�rma yap�yorum.
555
00:41:33,292 --> 00:41:35,251
Merhaba.
556
00:41:41,300 --> 00:41:43,389
A� m�s�n?
557
00:41:43,433 --> 00:41:46,567
Bir�eyler yemek ister misin?
558
00:41:46,610 --> 00:41:49,221
�o�u erkek benden oral seks
yapmam� ister.
559
00:41:49,265 --> 00:41:52,834
Hay�r. Hay�r, Ben sadece
bir�eyler yemek ister misin diye sordum.
560
00:41:52,877 --> 00:41:55,271
E�er sorun olmazsa
biraz da konu�mak isterim.
561
00:41:55,314 --> 00:41:58,666
Meth beyine
fiziksel zarar verir.
562
00:41:58,709 --> 00:42:01,146
Burada meth kullananlar�n
beyinlerindeki dopamin resept�r
563
00:42:01,190 --> 00:42:03,148
say�s�ndaki azalmay� g�rebilirsin.
564
00:42:03,192 --> 00:42:06,761
�imdi, sana ba�ka bir�ey
g�stermek istiyorum.
565
00:42:06,804 --> 00:42:09,502
Buradaki iki b�y�k k�rm�z� noktay�
566
00:42:09,546 --> 00:42:11,113
- g�rebiliyor musun?
- Evet.
567
00:42:11,156 --> 00:42:13,898
Bu amygdaladaki
hiperaktiviteyi g�steriyor.
568
00:42:13,942 --> 00:42:15,857
Amygdala; gerginlik ve korku
569
00:42:15,900 --> 00:42:18,381
ile ba�lant�l� beyin b�lgesidir.
570
00:42:18,424 --> 00:42:20,557
Burada g�rd���n
amygdala ���l�k at�yor.
571
00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:26,345
Bu da bize meth
ba��ml�lar�n�n normal tedavi
572
00:42:26,389 --> 00:42:28,783
programlar�na kat�lmalar�ndaki
ba�ar�s�zl���n, isteksizliklerinden de�il
573
00:42:28,826 --> 00:42:32,525
yapamad�klar�ndan kaynakland���n�
574
00:42:32,569 --> 00:42:34,658
g�steren biyolojik temeli
575
00:42:34,702 --> 00:42:37,661
i�aret ediyor.
576
00:42:37,705 --> 00:42:39,184
Ben de tedavi program�ndayd�m.
577
00:42:40,316 --> 00:42:41,839
3 kez denedim.
578
00:42:41,883 --> 00:42:44,320
Her seferinde ka�t�m.
579
00:42:44,363 --> 00:42:46,801
Neden?
580
00:42:46,844 --> 00:42:49,020
Cehennem gibiydi.
581
00:42:49,064 --> 00:42:51,457
�lmek istedim.
582
00:42:51,501 --> 00:42:53,459
Neden cehennem gibiydi?
583
00:42:53,503 --> 00:42:56,332
Bunlar m�thi� �eyler.
584
00:42:56,375 --> 00:42:58,334
��ler k�t�ye gitti�inde,
ne kadar iyi geldi�ini
585
00:42:58,377 --> 00:43:00,336
sana anlatamam.
586
00:43:00,379 --> 00:43:02,468
A��klamas� zor.
587
00:43:02,512 --> 00:43:04,383
Kokain �ekmek gibi ama
588
00:43:04,427 --> 00:43:05,994
binle �arpt���n� d���n,
589
00:43:06,037 --> 00:43:07,691
ya da milyonla.
590
00:43:07,735 --> 00:43:10,346
Bunun Nic i�in anlam� ne?
591
00:43:10,389 --> 00:43:12,348
Bak�n, Bay Sheff, Ben...
592
00:43:12,391 --> 00:43:15,307
bilmiyorum kim size ne vaat etti ama
593
00:43:15,351 --> 00:43:19,355
tedavide ba�ar� oran�
% 10'u ge�mez.
594
00:43:21,313 --> 00:43:22,663
Tamam.
595
00:43:24,752 --> 00:43:27,537
Ya ailen?
596
00:43:27,580 --> 00:43:29,713
Ne olmu� onlara?
597
00:43:29,757 --> 00:43:32,585
Senin i�in endi�elendiklerini
d���nmedin mi hi�?
598
00:43:32,629 --> 00:43:35,110
Sence onlar�n olan biteni...
599
00:43:35,153 --> 00:43:37,416
bilmeye hakk� yok mu?
600
00:43:37,460 --> 00:43:39,723
Umurlar�nda olmaz.
601
00:43:39,767 --> 00:43:43,118
Bence olur.
602
00:43:44,162 --> 00:43:47,165
Sen nereden biliyorsun?
603
00:43:53,955 --> 00:43:55,913
Gitmeliyim.
604
00:43:55,957 --> 00:43:59,134
Pekala.
605
00:44:02,485 --> 00:44:05,053
Te�ekk�rler.
606
00:45:22,521 --> 00:45:24,088
Tanr�m.
607
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,875
Seninle Klingon dilinde konu�aca��m,
608
00:46:54,918 --> 00:46:56,006
Haz�r m�s�n?
609
00:47:04,623 --> 00:47:06,799
- Ne dedim?
- Coca-Cola alabilir miyim?
610
00:47:06,843 --> 00:47:08,236
Kesinlikle.
611
00:47:08,279 --> 00:47:10,064
Budur.
612
00:47:10,107 --> 00:47:12,066
Sordu�um �ey tam olarak buydu.
613
00:47:12,109 --> 00:47:13,545
Coca-Cola alabilir miyim?
614
00:47:13,589 --> 00:47:15,460
Pekala. E�er Klingon
dilinde sorabilirsen,
615
00:47:15,504 --> 00:47:17,506
almana izin verebilirim.
616
00:47:35,089 --> 00:47:37,221
Hey.
617
00:47:53,150 --> 00:47:55,370
Hi� de�i�memi�.
618
00:47:55,413 --> 00:47:58,503
Mekan.
619
00:47:59,635 --> 00:48:01,332
- Hey.
- Nas�ls�n?
620
00:48:01,376 --> 00:48:02,768
�ok iyiyim.
621
00:48:02,812 --> 00:48:04,988
Bilirsin, sadece...
622
00:48:05,032 --> 00:48:06,816
um...
623
00:48:06,859 --> 00:48:08,818
yap�lmas� gerekenleri yap�yorum.
624
00:48:09,862 --> 00:48:11,690
Ne demek bu?
625
00:48:11,734 --> 00:48:15,477
Kendi sorumlulu�umu al�yorum...
626
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:17,740
kendi ba��ma ��kabiliyorum ve bilirsin..
627
00:48:17,783 --> 00:48:19,916
5 g�nd�r kullanmad�m.
628
00:48:21,526 --> 00:48:23,789
�yi gidiyor gibi hissediyorum ama
biraz �eye ihtiyac�m var...
629
00:48:23,833 --> 00:48:26,967
bir ka� y�z dolara a��k�as�.
630
00:48:27,010 --> 00:48:28,707
Nic, sana para veremem.
631
00:48:30,709 --> 00:48:32,668
Evet.
632
00:48:32,711 --> 00:48:34,931
Tamam.
633
00:48:34,975 --> 00:48:36,672
Sadece 200 dolar.
Bir�eyleri yoluna koymak
634
00:48:36,715 --> 00:48:38,239
istiyorum.
635
00:48:38,282 --> 00:48:39,544
New York'a gitme niyetindeyim.
636
00:48:39,588 --> 00:48:41,851
- New York'a m�?
- Evet.
637
00:48:41,894 --> 00:48:43,722
San Francisco'dan
��kmak zorunday�m.
638
00:48:43,766 --> 00:48:45,420
Burada �ok fazla...
639
00:48:45,463 --> 00:48:47,335
her zaman kendimi
640
00:48:47,378 --> 00:48:50,294
hissettiren bir s�r� �ey var burada.
641
00:48:50,338 --> 00:48:52,209
Evet, sonu�ta birka� y�z
dolara ihtiyac�m var.
642
00:48:52,253 --> 00:48:54,603
Neden sadece yemek yiyip
sohbet etmiyoruz?
643
00:48:54,646 --> 00:48:57,171
- Yapabiliriz, de�il mi?
- Evet.
644
00:49:03,177 --> 00:49:05,875
Karen ve �ocuklar nas�l?
645
00:49:05,918 --> 00:49:09,313
Seni soruyorlar.
646
00:49:09,357 --> 00:49:12,229
Haftaya �st s�n�fa ge�ecekler,
e�er gelirsen mutlu...
647
00:49:12,273 --> 00:49:14,144
Baba, bana kendimi
su�lu hissettiriyorsun, tamam m�?
648
00:49:14,188 --> 00:49:15,667
Hay�r, sadece diyorum ki...
649
00:49:15,711 --> 00:49:17,974
Kendimi �ok k�t�
hissetmeliyim.
650
00:49:19,497 --> 00:49:24,111
Tek dedi�im orada olsan
mutlu olurlard�.
651
00:49:24,154 --> 00:49:25,808
�z�r dilerim, Baba.
652
00:49:25,851 --> 00:49:29,333
Tek istedi�im biraz lanet olas� para, tamam m�?
653
00:49:29,377 --> 00:49:30,813
O y�zden bana �u lanet paray� ver l�tfen.
654
00:49:30,856 --> 00:49:32,119
Ya sonra?
Bu ne zaman bitecek?
655
00:49:32,162 --> 00:49:33,685
Bu bana... Akl�ma bu geldi.
656
00:49:33,729 --> 00:49:35,296
�u anda i�ime yarayacak gibi g�r�n�yor.
657
00:49:35,339 --> 00:49:36,601
- 5 g�nd�r temizim.
- ��e yar�yor gibi
658
00:49:36,645 --> 00:49:37,863
g�r�nm�yor, Nic.
659
00:49:37,907 --> 00:49:39,039
��e yaram�� gibi g�r�nm�yor mu?
660
00:49:39,082 --> 00:49:39,952
- Ne yani bundan sonra ne var, tedavi mi?
- Hay�r.
661
00:49:39,996 --> 00:49:41,389
- Eve d�nebilirsin.
- Hay�r.
662
00:49:41,432 --> 00:49:42,868
- Bu olmaz...
- Bir dene, l�tfen.
663
00:49:42,912 --> 00:49:44,392
Nic.
664
00:49:45,610 --> 00:49:47,438
L�tfen.
665
00:49:54,228 --> 00:49:56,795
- Biraz ara�t�r�yorum.
- Biraz ara�t�r�yor musun?
666
00:49:56,839 --> 00:49:58,841
- Dalga m� ge�iyorsun, Baba?
- Hay�r...
667
00:49:58,884 --> 00:50:00,843
Olay�n kontrol�nde
oldu�unu d���n�yorsun.
668
00:50:00,886 --> 00:50:03,976
- Evet.
- Ve ne kadar korktu�unu anlayabiliyorum.
669
00:50:04,020 --> 00:50:05,978
Neyi neden yapt���m� biliyorum...
ama bu bir�ey
670
00:50:06,022 --> 00:50:08,503
farkettirmiyor, tamam m�?
��lg�nl��a tutuldum.
671
00:50:08,546 --> 00:50:10,505
Senin tasarlad���n gibi biri
672
00:50:10,548 --> 00:50:11,767
olmad���m i�in
673
00:50:11,810 --> 00:50:13,725
benden utan�yorsun ve
674
00:50:13,769 --> 00:50:16,119
�imdi oldu�um ki�iden ho�lanm�yorsun, de�il mi?
675
00:50:16,163 --> 00:50:17,860
- Sen kimsin, Nic?
- Bu benim, Baba.
676
00:50:17,903 --> 00:50:19,905
��te. Bu benim.
677
00:50:27,174 --> 00:50:29,263
G�rd���nden ho�lanm�yor musun?
678
00:50:35,704 --> 00:50:39,969
Biliyor musun? �ok d���nd�m de...
679
00:50:40,012 --> 00:50:42,232
Annem hapiste gibi hissetmi�tir.
680
00:50:42,276 --> 00:50:44,800
��nk� her zaman her lanet �eyi
681
00:50:44,843 --> 00:50:46,671
sen kontrol ediyordun.
682
00:50:46,715 --> 00:50:49,239
Bana k�zmakta hakl�s�n Nic.
Bir s�r� hata yapt�m.
683
00:50:49,283 --> 00:50:52,155
Bunu anl�yorum. Ke�ke yapmasayd�m,
fakat yapt�m.
684
00:50:52,199 --> 00:50:54,984
Ama, Tanr� a�k�na,
�u anda dediklerinin
685
00:50:55,027 --> 00:50:58,030
- hi�bir mant�kl� yan� yok.
- �u anda yine yap�yorsun!
686
00:50:58,074 --> 00:50:59,771
- �u anda yine beni kontrol etmeye �al���yorsun!
- Bu sen de�ilsin.
687
00:50:59,815 --> 00:51:01,643
Bu sen de�ilsin, Nic.
�la� seni b�yle konu�turuyor.
688
00:51:01,686 --> 00:51:02,818
Bu da ne demek oluyor?
689
00:51:02,861 --> 00:51:04,254
Psikolojik ter�r.
690
00:51:04,298 --> 00:51:05,821
- ba��ml�lar b�yle yapar.
- Ne yapmaya �al���yorsun
691
00:51:05,864 --> 00:51:07,127
�u anda?
692
00:51:07,170 --> 00:51:10,042
Nedir bu?
Ne yap�yorsun?
693
00:51:18,094 --> 00:51:20,096
Adam�m.
694
00:51:23,186 --> 00:51:26,146
B�yle olsun istemedim.
695
00:51:29,888 --> 00:51:31,455
Pekala.
696
00:51:31,499 --> 00:51:33,153
Gitmeliyim, Baba.
697
00:51:37,940 --> 00:51:40,551
- Sana bir oda tutay�m.
- Hay�r, Baba.
698
00:51:40,595 --> 00:51:43,293
- Birka� gece bir otelde kal.
- Hay�r, Baba....
699
00:51:43,337 --> 00:51:46,557
- Neden bir�eyler yemiyoruz?
- Baba, gitmeliyim.
700
00:51:48,124 --> 00:51:49,386
En az�ndan ho��akal diyemez misin?
701
00:51:49,430 --> 00:51:50,953
Ho��akal, Baba.
702
00:52:02,704 --> 00:52:04,662
Nerede uyuyor?
703
00:52:04,706 --> 00:52:07,230
Endi�elenme, tatl�m.
704
00:52:07,274 --> 00:52:08,405
O iyi.
705
00:52:15,891 --> 00:52:18,676
Belki bir arkada�� vard�r
ve onda kal�yordur.
706
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:22,419
Evet. Belki.
- Yunus.
707
00:52:22,463 --> 00:52:24,204
- Umar�m �yledir.
- "F." laz�m.
708
00:52:24,247 --> 00:52:25,596
Fil.
709
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:27,772
Onu arayabilir miyim?
710
00:52:27,816 --> 00:52:29,557
Hay�r, ben denedim.
711
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:32,647
- Telefonu kapal�.
- Ona mesaj g�nderebilir miyim?
712
00:52:32,690 --> 00:52:36,999
Belki yaln�z kal�nca
telefonunu a�ar.
713
00:52:37,042 --> 00:52:39,436
Bu g�zel bir fikir.
714
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:41,438
Evet, bunu deneyelim.
715
00:53:35,579 --> 00:53:37,277
Dave.
716
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:39,627
- Evet?
- Pekala, gidelim.
717
00:53:43,370 --> 00:53:45,328
Hey, Dave, g�zlerini kapat.
718
00:53:45,372 --> 00:53:46,895
Tamam.
719
00:53:50,377 --> 00:53:52,335
Ve... a� �imdi!
720
00:54:55,050 --> 00:54:56,747
Alo?
721
00:54:56,791 --> 00:54:59,576
Ben Julie Ford,
New York Bellevue Hastanesi'nden.
722
00:54:59,620 --> 00:55:01,448
Nic Sheff sizin o�lunuz mu?
723
00:55:05,016 --> 00:55:06,540
Bay Sheff,
724
00:55:06,583 --> 00:55:09,020
Daha �nce konu�mad���m�z i�in �zg�n�m.
725
00:55:09,064 --> 00:55:12,197
Nic biraz solunum g��l��� �ekiyor
726
00:55:12,241 --> 00:55:14,112
ama hayati bulgular� d�zeliyor.
727
00:55:14,156 --> 00:55:16,506
Bay�m, kalk��a ge�ece�iz.
728
00:55:16,550 --> 00:55:18,029
Tamam, tamam.
729
00:55:18,073 --> 00:55:20,684
Onunla konu�abilir miyim?
730
00:55:20,728 --> 00:55:23,121
- Hay�r, bu m�mk�n de�il.
- Bay�m, telefonunuzu kapatman�z gerekiyor.
731
00:55:23,165 --> 00:55:24,775
�nan�n bana, �u an uyand�rmam�z
do�ru de�il.
732
00:55:24,819 --> 00:55:26,690
Bir ka� saat sonra tekrar aray�n, tamam m�?
733
00:55:26,734 --> 00:55:29,693
- Pekala, ona der misiniz?
- Bay�m, Bay�m.
734
00:55:29,737 --> 00:55:33,131
- L�tfen.
- Yolda oldu�umu s�yler misiniz?
735
00:55:41,531 --> 00:55:42,706
Taburcu oldu.
736
00:55:42,750 --> 00:55:43,968
Ne?
737
00:55:44,012 --> 00:55:45,448
Doktorlar olamazs�n demesine ra�men.
738
00:55:45,492 --> 00:55:47,537
- Hay�r, hay�r. A��r� doz alm��t�.
- �zg�n�m, efendim.
739
00:55:47,581 --> 00:55:49,887
Damar yolunu �ekti ve hastaneyi terketti.
740
00:55:49,931 --> 00:55:51,323
Ne zaman?
741
00:55:51,367 --> 00:55:53,804
10-15 dakika �nce.
742
00:55:53,848 --> 00:55:56,241
�zg�n�m, efendim.
743
00:56:19,917 --> 00:56:21,876
Evet.
744
00:56:42,549 --> 00:56:44,594
Bak, �ok d���nd�m,
745
00:56:44,638 --> 00:56:46,509
ve ila� kullanmay� b�rakt�m.
746
00:56:46,553 --> 00:56:48,642
O kadar.
747
00:56:51,035 --> 00:56:53,429
Sana s�yl�yorum, Baba.
748
00:56:53,473 --> 00:56:55,431
B�rakt�m.
749
00:57:05,615 --> 00:57:08,009
��e yarayacak m�?
750
00:57:08,052 --> 00:57:11,534
Yani ,daha yeni olanlardan sonra.
751
00:57:26,767 --> 00:57:28,899
�imdi, e�er b�lgede iseniz toplanma merkezi,
752
00:57:28,943 --> 00:57:30,510
b�lgeyi bo�altma talimatlar�
753
00:57:30,553 --> 00:57:32,816
ve ayr�nt�lar�na �uradan ula�abilirsiniz...
754
00:57:32,860 --> 00:57:35,210
Saat 3:00'te ,Mississippi'deki
bir merkezle
755
00:57:35,253 --> 00:57:36,820
konferans g�r��me yapaca��z.
756
00:57:36,864 --> 00:57:38,169
�imdilik bu kadar.
757
00:57:38,213 --> 00:57:39,823
3:30'da New Mexico'dan bir merkezle.
758
00:57:39,867 --> 00:57:41,825
4:00'te, Oregon'la.
759
00:57:41,869 --> 00:57:44,567
New Mexico'daki hakk�nda biraz
ara�t�rma yapt�m.
760
00:57:44,611 --> 00:57:47,918
Ayl�k 40.000 dolar �creti var.
761
00:57:47,962 --> 00:57:49,529
Biliyor musun, derecelendirilmesi
bile yap�lmam��.
762
00:57:49,572 --> 00:57:51,618
Onu eleyelim.
763
00:57:51,661 --> 00:57:54,403
Burada Los Angeles'ta bir
imkan olursa,
764
00:57:54,446 --> 00:57:56,623
�imdilik en iyi ��z�m
bu gibi duruyor.
765
00:57:56,666 --> 00:57:59,626
Bir saat i�inde beni arayacaklar.
766
00:58:00,888 --> 00:58:02,846
Biraz dinlensin, David.
767
00:58:02,890 --> 00:58:05,022
Neden biraz benim
i�leri ele almama izin vermiyorsun?
768
00:58:11,942 --> 00:58:13,727
Baba?
769
00:58:13,770 --> 00:58:15,555
Evet.
770
00:58:15,598 --> 00:58:19,515
Her 15 dakikada bir
beni kontrol eder misin?
771
00:58:19,559 --> 00:58:21,909
Evet.
772
00:58:59,468 --> 00:59:01,775
Dinazorlar�ndan birini
de g�t�rmek ister misin?
773
00:59:04,865 --> 00:59:06,649
Ya da bir kitap?
774
00:59:08,346 --> 00:59:10,871
Hay�r m�? Tamam.
775
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,097
Hey. Hey.
776
00:59:22,404 --> 00:59:24,493
Sar�labilir miyiz?
777
00:59:24,536 --> 00:59:25,581
Hay�r m�?
778
00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,148
Neden?
779
00:59:27,191 --> 00:59:29,672
Bana k�zg�n m�s�n?
780
00:59:29,716 --> 00:59:31,848
Gitmek zorunda oldu�un i�in mi?
781
00:59:32,849 --> 00:59:34,503
Tamam.
782
00:59:34,546 --> 00:59:38,376
Anneni g�rece�in i�in mutlusun, de�il mi?
783
00:59:40,422 --> 00:59:42,380
Bir�eyi bilmeni istiyorum.
784
00:59:42,424 --> 00:59:44,818
Geri d�nd���nde,
burada olaca��m...
785
00:59:44,861 --> 00:59:47,951
Tam burada seni bekleyece�im.
786
00:59:47,995 --> 00:59:49,736
Tamam m�?
787
00:59:49,779 --> 00:59:52,956
Ve beni �zledi�inde ara,
ben de seni arayaca��m.
788
00:59:54,218 --> 00:59:56,656
Seni ne kadar sevdi�imi
biliyor musun?
789
01:00:03,619 --> 01:00:07,754
S�zl�kteki t�m kelimeleri topla
yine de seni ne kadar sevdi�imi
790
01:00:07,797 --> 01:00:10,931
anlatmaya yetmez.
791
01:00:10,974 --> 01:00:14,195
T�m kelimeleri �st�ste koy
792
01:00:14,238 --> 01:00:16,980
yine de sana kar�� hislerimi
anlatmaya yetmez.
793
01:00:17,024 --> 01:00:19,983
Sana kar�� her�eyi hissediyorum.
794
01:00:21,811 --> 01:00:24,684
Seni her�eyden daha �ok seviyorum.
795
01:00:26,381 --> 01:00:28,731
Her�ey?
796
01:00:28,775 --> 01:00:30,428
Evet, her�ey.
797
01:01:02,591 --> 01:01:04,593
Hey.
798
01:01:04,636 --> 01:01:06,813
��te Annem.
799
01:01:06,856 --> 01:01:09,816
L.A.'ye geldi�ine �ok sevindim.
800
01:01:09,859 --> 01:01:11,731
Biliyorsun, de�il mi?
801
01:01:17,606 --> 01:01:19,782
Bunun ne kadar �ey oldu�unu...
802
01:01:19,826 --> 01:01:21,784
- L�tfen yapma, Anne.
- Pekala.
803
01:01:21,828 --> 01:01:24,004
�z�r dilerim. Tamam.
804
01:01:30,662 --> 01:01:33,274
Tek d���nebildi�im
eskiden nas�l oldu�un.
805
01:01:38,279 --> 01:01:41,630
Bu kula�a anlams�z geliyor, biliyorum ama
�z�r dilerim.
806
01:01:45,155 --> 01:01:47,375
�z�r dilerim.
807
01:01:48,855 --> 01:01:50,508
Oh, Nicky.
808
01:01:56,253 --> 01:01:58,778
Sen benim a�k�ms�n.
809
01:01:58,821 --> 01:02:00,780
Bunu biliyorsun, de�il mi?
810
01:02:21,322 --> 01:02:23,280
Hey, hadi, ya�l� adam!
811
01:02:23,324 --> 01:02:25,543
- Giderek sayg�s�z oluyorsun.
- Sayg�s�z olmuyorum.
812
01:02:25,587 --> 01:02:27,850
Giderek sayg�s�z oluyorsun.
813
01:02:29,896 --> 01:02:31,506
- Seni ge�iyorum!
- Lanet herif!
814
01:02:31,549 --> 01:02:34,465
Sadece popomu g�r�rs�n, bebe�im!
815
01:02:34,509 --> 01:02:36,772
Sadece popomu g�r�rs�n!
816
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:47,174
Lanet.
817
01:03:10,284 --> 01:03:11,763
Yard�m etti�im �ey bu.
818
01:03:11,807 --> 01:03:13,591
Neden o kadar g��l� �ektin?
819
01:03:13,635 --> 01:03:15,985
- �z�r dilerim.
- Neden benden nefret ediyorsun?
820
01:03:31,696 --> 01:03:33,698
Nas�l hissediyorsun?
821
01:03:37,964 --> 01:03:41,228
Ger�ek bir insan evlad� gibi.
822
01:03:49,192 --> 01:03:52,761
Bir g�n, methamfetamin kulland�m...
823
01:03:52,804 --> 01:03:55,242
Evet. �yi hissettirdi.
824
01:03:55,285 --> 01:03:57,766
...ve dedim ki,
825
01:03:57,809 --> 01:04:00,203
"Ka��rd���m �ey bu."
826
01:04:00,247 --> 01:04:02,902
Kendimi b�t�n hissettim.
827
01:04:02,945 --> 01:04:04,947
Bug�n g�zel bir g�n.
828
01:04:04,991 --> 01:04:07,819
Evet, �imdiye kadar
arad���m �ey
829
01:04:07,863 --> 01:04:09,821
tam da bu.
830
01:04:09,865 --> 01:04:11,823
Ne kadar meth ald���m�n veya...
831
01:04:11,867 --> 01:04:13,825
v�cuduma girmesine izin verdi�im...
832
01:04:13,869 --> 01:04:17,786
di�er �eylerin �nemi yoktu...
833
01:04:17,829 --> 01:04:20,267
Asla yetmedi.
834
01:04:23,574 --> 01:04:26,969
Bir ka� kez tedaviye ba�lad�m
835
01:04:27,013 --> 01:04:28,579
toksinlerden ar�nd�m,
836
01:04:28,623 --> 01:04:31,365
yol a�aca�� hastal�klardan bahsettiler
837
01:04:31,408 --> 01:04:32,975
ama...
838
01:04:33,019 --> 01:04:34,716
asla i�e yaramad�.
839
01:04:37,588 --> 01:04:41,810
Ta ki; birg�n hastanenin birinde
g�z�m� a�t���mda birisinin bana
840
01:04:41,853 --> 01:04:45,118
"senin derdin ne"
841
01:04:45,161 --> 01:04:47,598
diye sormas�na kadar.
842
01:04:50,427 --> 01:04:53,648
"Ben hem alkolik hemde ila� ba��ml�s�y�m" dedim
843
01:04:53,691 --> 01:04:55,476
o da...
844
01:04:55,519 --> 01:04:58,696
"Hay�r, bunlar senin derdini
halletme yollar�n" dedi.
845
01:04:58,740 --> 01:05:00,698
Do�ru.
846
01:05:00,742 --> 01:05:04,137
�imdi, i�imdeki
bu b�y�k, siyah deli�i
847
01:05:04,180 --> 01:05:07,444
doldurman�n bir yolunu.....
848
01:05:07,488 --> 01:05:09,577
bulmam gerekti�ini...
849
01:05:09,620 --> 01:05:11,883
biliyorum.
850
01:05:16,105 --> 01:05:17,977
Herneyse...
851
01:05:18,020 --> 01:05:21,110
14 ayd�r temizim.
852
01:05:21,154 --> 01:05:23,330
Tedavi merkezlerinden
birinde bir i�im var.
853
01:05:24,853 --> 01:05:27,116
Di�erlerine temiz kalmalar�
i�in yard�m etmek rahatlat�yor.
854
01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:32,817
Bir sponsorum var, Spencer.
855
01:05:32,861 --> 01:05:35,690
Temizken hayat�m�n
ne kadar g�zel oldu�unu g�steriyor.
856
01:05:37,126 --> 01:05:39,520
Ve hala bir ailem var.
857
01:05:41,522 --> 01:05:44,307
Annem harika biri.
858
01:05:44,351 --> 01:05:47,180
Babam da.
859
01:05:53,055 --> 01:05:55,362
Benimle gurur duymalar�n� istiyorum.
860
01:06:34,662 --> 01:06:37,317
�yi misin?
861
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:39,493
Sorun ne? Gergin misin?
862
01:06:39,536 --> 01:06:40,798
Evet.
863
01:06:47,457 --> 01:06:49,720
Benimle evlendi�in i�in te�ekk�rler.
864
01:06:51,113 --> 01:06:53,115
M�kemmel olmayan bir d�nyada
865
01:06:53,159 --> 01:06:55,161
m�kemmel bir e� oldu�un i�in te�ekk�rler.
866
01:06:56,901 --> 01:06:59,643
Beni muhte�em o�lunla
tan��t�rd���n i�in te�ekk�rler.
867
01:07:01,776 --> 01:07:03,734
Senin i�in buraday�m,
868
01:07:03,778 --> 01:07:05,084
ve kalmaya geldim.
869
01:07:05,127 --> 01:07:07,173
Karen, beni sevdi�in i�in...
870
01:07:07,216 --> 01:07:09,218
te�ekk�r ederim.
871
01:07:10,524 --> 01:07:12,265
Ve o�lumu sevdi�in i�in.
872
01:07:22,318 --> 01:07:24,799
G�zlerini ekrandan ay�rm�yor ve
"Superman ..." diyor.
873
01:07:28,281 --> 01:07:29,804
M�kemmel.
874
01:07:49,737 --> 01:07:51,695
- Hey, seni g�rmek g�zel.
- Seni de �yle.
875
01:07:51,739 --> 01:07:54,176
Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy!
876
01:07:57,484 --> 01:07:59,225
Hey, Jazzy Jeff.
877
01:07:59,268 --> 01:08:01,270
Nas�l gidiyor, adam�m?
878
01:08:01,314 --> 01:08:02,880
Hey, adam�m, seni geceleyin
879
01:08:02,924 --> 01:08:05,927
g�ne�in ay� �zledi�inden
daha �ok �zledim.
880
01:08:09,452 --> 01:08:11,280
- Hey, Karen.
- Hey.
881
01:08:16,590 --> 01:08:18,722
Davet etti�in i�in te�ekk�rler.
882
01:08:18,766 --> 01:08:20,376
Cidden.
883
01:08:50,450 --> 01:08:52,669
Git, Daisy! Git, Daisy!
Git, Daisy! Git, Daisy!
884
01:08:52,713 --> 01:08:54,149
Git, Daisy!
885
01:08:54,193 --> 01:08:55,716
Hey, tatl�m.
886
01:08:59,415 --> 01:09:01,287
Git, Daisy, git!
887
01:09:10,992 --> 01:09:13,342
G�zel.
888
01:09:16,040 --> 01:09:18,695
Oh! Ah, sen!
889
01:09:18,739 --> 01:09:20,567
Bu Daisy!
890
01:09:33,101 --> 01:09:35,059
"Meth ba��ml�s�n�n beynindeki
891
01:09:35,103 --> 01:09:37,018
i�aretler bo�ald���nda,
892
01:09:37,061 --> 01:09:39,760
sinir terminallerinin
kayboldu�u ve
893
01:09:39,803 --> 01:09:42,284
beyin hasar�n�n geri
d�n���ms�z oldu�u d���n�l�r."
894
01:09:42,328 --> 01:09:44,765
"Oysa, VMAT2 testi yapt���mda,
895
01:09:44,808 --> 01:09:47,811
- seviyeleri normal buldum"
- Bu iyiye i�aret.
896
01:09:47,855 --> 01:09:50,336
- Normal d�zeyler iyiye i�aret, evet.
- Bu...
897
01:09:50,379 --> 01:09:51,772
- Bu.
- Tamam.
898
01:09:51,815 --> 01:09:53,339
- Hay�r. Ben...
- Sadece kontrol ediyordum.
899
01:09:53,382 --> 01:09:54,862
- Hay�r, hay�r, bu iyi.
- Tamam.
900
01:09:54,905 --> 01:09:56,167
Temel olarak...
901
01:09:56,211 --> 01:09:57,517
kavrulmu�...
902
01:09:57,560 --> 01:09:59,562
Nic'in kavrulmu� sinir u�lar�
903
01:09:59,606 --> 01:10:02,043
tekrar b�y�yebilir.
904
01:10:02,086 --> 01:10:04,263
�ki y�l s�rebilir diyorlar ama...
905
01:10:04,306 --> 01:10:06,482
- �ki y�l m�?
- Evet.
906
01:10:06,526 --> 01:10:09,050
Bu �ok iyi, David.
907
01:10:18,364 --> 01:10:21,062
- Hey.
- Hey.
908
01:10:21,105 --> 01:10:24,195
- Ge� kald�n.
- Evet, �ok g�zel bir toplant�yd�,
909
01:10:24,239 --> 01:10:26,372
sonras�nda konu�mac�n�n
evine gittik,
910
01:10:26,415 --> 01:10:28,330
bir video izledik ve...
911
01:10:28,374 --> 01:10:32,334
daha �nceki sponsorlar�m� g�rd�m ve.....
912
01:10:32,378 --> 01:10:34,380
Telefon yok muydu?
913
01:10:34,423 --> 01:10:36,425
Telefonum bozuk.
914
01:10:39,298 --> 01:10:42,518
�la� testi yapt�rmak
senin i�in sorun olur mu?
915
01:10:43,563 --> 01:10:45,782
Yok, olmaz.
916
01:10:45,826 --> 01:10:47,349
Tamam.
917
01:11:04,758 --> 01:11:07,369
Neden yapt���m�z� anl�yorsun, de�il mi?
918
01:11:07,413 --> 01:11:11,721
Evet, bilmek zorundas�n�z..
919
01:11:11,765 --> 01:11:15,638
Sana g�veniyorum... sadece
biraz kan�ta ihtiyac�m�z var.
920
01:11:19,425 --> 01:11:21,992
Bu kendi i�inde �ok �eli�kili.
921
01:11:22,036 --> 01:11:24,343
- Fakat..
- Biliyorum, biliyorum.
922
01:11:26,432 --> 01:11:28,608
Yapaca��m, endi�elenme.
923
01:11:28,651 --> 01:11:31,001
Gizleyecek bir�eyim yok.
924
01:11:32,046 --> 01:11:33,482
Tamam.
925
01:11:35,789 --> 01:11:38,357
Hey, �ok iyi i� ��kard�n.
926
01:11:39,836 --> 01:11:41,664
Ger�ekten.
927
01:11:41,708 --> 01:11:44,711
Hesab�ma g�re, 485 temiz g�n.
928
01:11:44,754 --> 01:11:46,843
Hadi ama, bu...
929
01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:53,546
Sadece banyoya b�rakaca��m, de�il mi?
930
01:11:54,590 --> 01:11:56,157
Pekala.
931
01:11:56,200 --> 01:11:58,159
- �yi geceler, Baba.
- �yi geceler.
932
01:11:58,202 --> 01:12:00,291
- Seni seviyorum, Baba.
- Ben de seni.
933
01:12:31,714 --> 01:12:33,673
- Pekala, Jasper, haz�r m�s�n?
- Evet.
934
01:12:33,716 --> 01:12:35,849
Gidelim, gidelim.
935
01:12:35,892 --> 01:12:38,068
Hey. Hay�r, hay�r, bekle.
936
01:12:38,112 --> 01:12:41,245
- Jasper, oraya gitmeni istemiyorum.
- Ne?
937
01:12:41,289 --> 01:12:43,030
Anne, uza�a gitmeyece�iz, yemin ederim!
938
01:12:43,073 --> 01:12:44,858
Bu dalgalar �ok y�ksek.
�ok tehlikeli.
939
01:12:44,901 --> 01:12:46,076
Ama ben �ok iyi bir y�z�c�y�m.
940
01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:47,382
Bundan daha y�ksek
dalgalar varken girdik.
941
01:12:47,426 --> 01:12:49,297
Evet, biliyorum ama yine de...
942
01:12:49,340 --> 01:12:50,820
- Ben yak�n�nda dururum.
- Nic yak�n�mda durur, g�r�rs�n.
943
01:12:53,519 --> 01:12:55,216
Karen, Yak�n�nda dururum...
944
01:12:55,259 --> 01:12:57,131
- Yak�n�nda dururum.
- Nic girebilir.
945
01:12:57,174 --> 01:12:58,306
Sorun olmaz. Sen, giremezsin.
946
01:12:58,349 --> 01:13:00,221
Son s�z�m bu.
947
01:13:00,264 --> 01:13:01,701
G�relim bakal�m.
948
01:13:01,744 --> 01:13:04,443
- Hey!
- Tamam. Sorun yok.
949
01:13:04,486 --> 01:13:06,749
Sorun yok.
950
01:13:15,279 --> 01:13:17,238
Onun yerine oyun oynayal�m m�?
951
01:13:17,281 --> 01:13:19,501
- Uh...
- Evet mi?
952
01:13:21,938 --> 01:13:24,201
K�rf tahtas� m�s�n?
953
01:13:24,245 --> 01:13:26,595
- Hay�r.
- Hay�r m�?
954
01:13:26,639 --> 01:13:28,597
Kisiklet misin?
955
01:13:28,641 --> 01:13:30,469
- Hay�r.
- Hay�r m�?
956
01:13:30,512 --> 01:13:32,775
Pekala, yenebilir bir �ey misin?
957
01:13:32,819 --> 01:13:34,342
Pek de�il.
958
01:13:34,385 --> 01:13:36,475
- Pek de�il?
- Pek de�il.
959
01:13:36,518 --> 01:13:38,041
Yani ,bir �e�it.
960
01:13:38,085 --> 01:13:40,304
�yleyse...
961
01:13:40,348 --> 01:13:42,089
ev misin?
962
01:13:42,132 --> 01:13:45,222
Evet, nas�l bildin?
963
01:13:45,266 --> 01:13:46,963
Biliyorsun,
964
01:13:47,007 --> 01:13:49,400
zihnini okuyabiliyorum.
965
01:13:53,448 --> 01:13:55,232
�ok iyi y�z�c� oldu�unu biliyorum.
966
01:13:55,276 --> 01:13:57,234
Sonraki y�zme yar���nda gelip
senin i�in tezah�rat yapaca��m.
967
01:13:57,278 --> 01:13:58,322
Kula�a nas�l geliyor?
968
01:13:58,366 --> 01:13:59,889
Tamam m�?
969
01:13:59,933 --> 01:14:02,326
Pekala.
970
01:14:02,370 --> 01:14:04,720
Bunca zaman sonra beni
g�rmek tuhaf geliyor mu?
971
01:14:04,764 --> 01:14:05,721
Gelmiyor mu?
972
01:14:05,765 --> 01:14:07,506
Ba�lang��ta �yleydi san�r�m.
973
01:14:07,549 --> 01:14:10,596
- Tamam.
- De�i�mi� olaca��n� d���nd�m.
974
01:14:10,639 --> 01:14:13,903
Oysa sen ayn� eski Nic'sin.
975
01:14:36,447 --> 01:14:39,581
�ok g�zel bir haftasonuydu.
976
01:15:32,808 --> 01:15:35,637
Ya�a, Nic!
977
01:16:03,056 --> 01:16:05,624
G�le g�le, Nic! G�le g�le, Nic!
978
01:16:05,667 --> 01:16:07,887
G�le g�le, Nic!
979
01:16:30,387 --> 01:16:32,694
Art�k atlatt�n, adam�m.
980
01:16:32,738 --> 01:16:34,304
Tebrikler.
Ger�ek d�nyaya ho�geldin.
981
01:16:34,348 --> 01:16:36,176
Ger�ek d�nyada ya�amak istemiyorum.
982
01:16:36,219 --> 01:16:37,830
Orada ya�amak beni hasta ediyor.
983
01:16:37,873 --> 01:16:39,353
Seninle konu�an hastal���n adam�m.
984
01:16:39,396 --> 01:16:40,876
- Deniyorum.
- Kendini izole etmeyi deneyerek adam�m.
985
01:16:40,920 --> 01:16:42,486
Kendini �ld�rmeyi deneyerek.
Bunu biliyorsun, adam�m.
986
01:16:42,530 --> 01:16:44,358
Bir hastal���m var gibi hissetmiyorum, Spencer.
987
01:16:44,401 --> 01:16:46,186
�ey gibi hissediyorum...
988
01:16:46,229 --> 01:16:49,276
- Pekala yapman gerekiyor.
- Bu lanet bir kanser gibi de�il.
989
01:16:49,319 --> 01:16:52,627
Benim lanet se�imim.
Bu hale kendim geldim.
990
01:16:52,671 --> 01:16:54,281
Evet kendin geldin..
Bunu sen yapt�n.
991
01:16:54,324 --> 01:16:56,022
Konu�mama izin verecek misin?
992
01:16:56,065 --> 01:16:59,025
Tamam m�? Sen bir yazars�n, de�il mi?
Yaz o zaman.
993
01:16:59,068 --> 01:17:01,375
Bu konuda iyisin. Bu senin g�n�n.
Bu bir se�im.
994
01:17:01,418 --> 01:17:03,116
- �u anda ne yapmak istiyorsun?
- Lanet...
995
01:17:03,159 --> 01:17:04,857
Kafay� buldu�un anda
t�m se�eneklerini yitirirsin.
996
01:17:04,900 --> 01:17:06,641
- Kafay� buldu�un anda her�eyi yitirirsin.
- Do�ru.
997
01:17:06,685 --> 01:17:09,513
O y�zden do�ru yolu se�mek zorundas�n.
998
01:17:12,081 --> 01:17:14,040
- Do�ru.
- Bu do�ru.
999
01:17:14,083 --> 01:17:15,868
Do�ru yolu se�.
1000
01:17:15,911 --> 01:17:17,391
Do�ru. Hepsi do�ru, hey,dinle,
1001
01:17:17,434 --> 01:17:18,914
Seni sonra tekrar arayaca��m, tamam m�?
1002
01:17:18,958 --> 01:17:20,437
Sanki do�ru �eyi yapaca��m
gibi geliyor..
1003
01:17:20,481 --> 01:17:21,743
Beni ba��ndan m� at�yorsun?
1004
01:17:21,787 --> 01:17:23,397
Beni aray�p zaman�m�
heba m� edeceksin?
1005
01:17:23,440 --> 01:17:25,181
Zaman�m� heba etme.
Ben senin i�in buraday�m, adam�m.
1006
01:17:25,225 --> 01:17:26,748
Bak bi, bu ak�am �ok
g�zel bifteklerim var.
1007
01:17:26,792 --> 01:17:27,923
Neden ak�am yeme�ine gelmiyorsun?
1008
01:17:27,967 --> 01:17:29,185
- Pekala, sonra g�r���r�z.
- Sen...
1009
01:17:29,229 --> 01:17:30,621
Kula�a ho� geliyor.
Sonra g�r���r�z.
1010
01:17:30,665 --> 01:17:32,101
- Hey, Nic, Nic.
- Evet, efendim, sonra g�r���r�z.
1011
01:17:32,145 --> 01:17:34,234
- Nic...
- Pekala, bay-bay.
1012
01:18:31,247 --> 01:18:33,293
Nic Sheff.
1013
01:18:33,336 --> 01:18:35,295
Lauren. Ne?
1014
01:18:35,338 --> 01:18:37,558
Sen ne...
1015
01:18:39,429 --> 01:18:41,127
�ok uzun zaman oldu.
1016
01:18:41,170 --> 01:18:42,650
Burada ne ar�yorsun?
1017
01:18:42,693 --> 01:18:45,218
Sadece...
1018
01:18:47,089 --> 01:18:49,396
Ne?
1019
01:18:52,573 --> 01:18:54,140
Bir s�redir temizim ama
1020
01:18:54,183 --> 01:18:57,230
�u anda �ok fena kafa
bulmak istiyorum.
1021
01:19:20,557 --> 01:19:23,256
�hiyac�n olan �ey bende.
Ekstazi var, hap var adam�m.
1022
01:19:23,299 --> 01:19:25,345
Ekstazimiz var.
S�ylemi�tim adam�m, s�ylemi�tim.
1023
01:19:33,309 --> 01:19:36,095
Bir bardak su ve
ka��k getirebilir misin?
1024
01:19:37,574 --> 01:19:39,925
Pekala.
1025
01:19:56,071 --> 01:19:58,465
Pekala.
1026
01:19:58,508 --> 01:20:01,120
- ��te geldi.
- Te�ekk�rler.
1027
01:20:02,121 --> 01:20:04,340
Pamuk ve ka��k.
1028
01:20:40,637 --> 01:20:42,857
Pekala, i�te bu.
1029
01:20:42,901 --> 01:20:44,859
��te bu.
1030
01:23:15,792 --> 01:23:17,925
Araman�z otomatik sesli mesaj sistemine
1031
01:23:17,968 --> 01:23:19,927
y�nlendirilecektir.
1032
01:23:19,970 --> 01:23:21,798
Zil sesinden sonra
mesaj�n�z� b�rakabilirsiniz.
1033
01:23:23,148 --> 01:23:24,758
Yine ben, Baban.
1034
01:23:24,801 --> 01:23:26,803
Giderken keyfin pek yok gibi geldi,
1035
01:23:26,847 --> 01:23:29,719
e�er konu�mak istersen beni ara Nic.
1036
01:23:29,763 --> 01:23:32,418
Pekala.
1037
01:23:44,560 --> 01:23:47,041
Demek nerede oldu�u
konusunda bir fikrin yok?
1038
01:23:47,085 --> 01:23:49,609
Spencer onunla konu�tu�unu s�yledi.
1039
01:23:49,652 --> 01:23:52,612
Onun zor zamanlar ge�irdi�ini ama
atlatt���n� anlatt�.
1040
01:23:52,655 --> 01:23:56,355
Fakat, ne i�e gitmi� ne de evine.
1041
01:23:56,398 --> 01:23:58,748
- telefonuna da ula��lam�yor.
- Kahretsin. Kahretsin. Vicki,
1042
01:23:58,792 --> 01:24:01,751
buradan ayr�lal� iki g�n oldu.
Neden kontrol etmedin?
1043
01:24:01,795 --> 01:24:04,145
�ocu�a g�z kulak olman
gerekmiyor muydu?
1044
01:24:04,189 --> 01:24:05,755
Ne sa�mal�yorsun, David?
1045
01:24:05,799 --> 01:24:08,062
Ge�en y�l kim ona g�z kulak oldu?
1046
01:24:08,106 --> 01:24:09,672
Bir kontrol edebilirdin.
1047
01:24:09,716 --> 01:24:11,413
Yani, senin lanet sorunun ne?
1048
01:24:11,457 --> 01:24:13,981
T�m g�n ne yapt���m� san�yorsun?
1049
01:24:14,024 --> 01:24:17,376
Ayr�ca 7/24 g�zetim alt�nda
tutamay�z ki.
1050
01:24:17,419 --> 01:24:20,379
Hemen �imdi polise gidip
1051
01:24:20,422 --> 01:24:22,381
kay�p ihbar� yapman gerekiyor, tamam m�?
1052
01:24:22,424 --> 01:24:24,339
- Bana ba��rmay� kes!
- Hay�r, sana ba��rmay�
1053
01:24:24,383 --> 01:24:26,646
- kesmeyece�im, Vicki.
- Bunu yapmandan nefret ediyorum.
1054
01:24:26,689 --> 01:24:28,082
- ��nk� sen sadece...
- Kafay� yemi�sin sen.
1055
01:24:28,126 --> 01:24:29,518
Orada en az�ndan ne yap�yorsun?!
1056
01:24:29,562 --> 01:24:31,390
- Bu hi� adil de�il, David!
- Hay�r, hay�r! Beni dinle!
1057
01:24:31,433 --> 01:24:33,435
Ne...
1058
01:24:34,436 --> 01:24:36,743
Kahretsin.
1059
01:24:36,786 --> 01:24:39,267
Lanet olsun!
1060
01:24:45,839 --> 01:24:47,536
Dave?
1061
01:24:47,580 --> 01:24:50,322
Telefonumu �ald�r�r m�s�n, l�tfen?
1062
01:24:53,325 --> 01:24:55,196
Neler oluyor?
1063
01:24:55,240 --> 01:24:57,111
Gitmi�.
1064
01:24:58,460 --> 01:25:01,507
L.A.'de oldu�unu nerden biliyorsun?
1065
01:25:01,550 --> 01:25:04,162
Yani San Francisco'da da olabilir.
Ba�ka yerde de...
1066
01:25:04,205 --> 01:25:06,599
Lanet olas� Meksika'ya gitmi�
olabilir. Bilmiyoruz ki.
1067
01:25:06,642 --> 01:25:08,209
Gitmem gerekiyor.
1068
01:25:08,253 --> 01:25:10,951
Evet, ama benim de kalmana
ihtiyac�m var.
1069
01:25:10,994 --> 01:25:12,779
Vicki bu i�in alt�ndan
benim gibi kalkam�yor...
1070
01:25:12,822 --> 01:25:15,129
Vicki umurumda de�il.
Mevzu Vicki de�il.
1071
01:25:15,173 --> 01:25:18,785
Neden biraz gev�eyip
mant�kl� davranm�yorsun?
1072
01:25:18,828 --> 01:25:21,048
- Ne? Sen biraz mant�kl� davran.
- Ben mant�kl� davran�yorum.
1073
01:25:21,091 --> 01:25:22,092
Bu mu mant�kl� davranmak?!
1074
01:25:22,136 --> 01:25:24,704
Hay�r, de�il!
1075
01:25:24,747 --> 01:25:26,140
Nas�l mant�kl� olabilirim?!
1076
01:25:26,184 --> 01:25:27,707
O�lum d��ar�larda biryerlerde ,
1077
01:25:27,750 --> 01:25:29,361
ve ben ne yapt���n� bilmiyorum!
1078
01:25:29,404 --> 01:25:30,971
Ona nas�l yard�m edece�imi bilmiyorum!
1079
01:25:31,014 --> 01:25:33,452
Edemezsin!
1080
01:25:43,940 --> 01:25:45,681
Uyuyam�yorum.
1081
01:25:49,729 --> 01:25:50,686
Uyuyam�yor musun?
1082
01:25:50,730 --> 01:25:52,253
Uyuyam�yorum.
1083
01:25:52,297 --> 01:25:53,515
Tamam.
1084
01:25:57,693 --> 01:25:59,695
�yi geceler babac���m.
1085
01:26:00,696 --> 01:26:02,263
�yi geceler.
1086
01:26:39,692 --> 01:26:41,389
Gidelim!
1087
01:26:41,433 --> 01:26:43,086
U�ak u�uyor!
1088
01:26:48,178 --> 01:26:50,137
Uzaklara u�! U�!
1089
01:27:57,726 --> 01:27:59,511
Hay�r. Hadi, sen de�il.
Hadi. -DAVID: Bekle.
1090
01:27:59,554 --> 01:28:01,295
- ��eri gir. �ocuklar , hadi
- Bekle. Bekle, tatl�m.
1091
01:28:01,339 --> 01:28:03,079
- Bekle.
- Aferin sana.
1092
01:28:04,994 --> 01:28:08,258
Nic bug�n gelir
diye d���nm��t�m.
1093
01:28:08,302 --> 01:28:10,565
Bir sorun ��km��.
1094
01:28:11,566 --> 01:28:13,699
Onu arayabilir miyim?
1095
01:28:13,742 --> 01:28:15,701
Hay�r, hay�r. Arayamazs�n.
1096
01:28:15,744 --> 01:28:17,311
Bu m�mk�n de�il.
1097
01:28:17,355 --> 01:28:18,399
Neden?
1098
01:28:18,443 --> 01:28:20,401
De�il de ondan.
1099
01:28:20,445 --> 01:28:23,230
Nic gene ila� kullanmaya m� ba�lad�?
1100
01:30:06,681 --> 01:30:08,596
Pekala.
1101
01:31:02,120 --> 01:31:04,620
Bu olaydan sonra Nic 1 hafta eve gelmedi.
Ailesi olarak durumu normale getirmek i�in...
1102
01:31:12,344 --> 01:31:14,344
Bazen komik e-postalar g�nderir. Pennedense
spagettiyi tercih eder.
1103
01:31:14,368 --> 01:31:16,368
O�lumu g�rd�n m�?
Benim g�zel o�lumu g�rd�n m�?
1104
01:31:16,392 --> 01:31:18,392
Ona onu �ok �zledi�imi s�yle.
1105
01:31:49,828 --> 01:31:52,221
Hadi, Jasper!
1106
01:32:29,171 --> 01:32:30,259
Ald�n m�?
1107
01:32:30,303 --> 01:32:32,392
Lanet. Tamam.
Hey, Lauren.
1108
01:32:33,611 --> 01:32:35,351
- Lauren, gidelim.
- Ne?
1109
01:32:35,395 --> 01:32:36,962
Gitmemiz gerekiyor.
1110
01:32:38,659 --> 01:32:40,574
- Ne oluyor?
- ��te.
1111
01:32:40,618 --> 01:32:43,272
Gitmemiz gerekiyor.
1112
01:32:43,316 --> 01:32:45,318
Tamam.
1113
01:32:58,723 --> 01:33:01,334
Galiba az �nce Nic'i g�rd�m.
1114
01:33:01,377 --> 01:33:03,118
Ne?
1115
01:33:03,162 --> 01:33:06,295
Galiba az �nce Nic'i ve bir k�z�
ka�arken g�rd�m.
1116
01:33:13,041 --> 01:33:14,608
Nic.
1117
01:33:14,652 --> 01:33:16,088
Hay�r. ��eride kal�n.
1118
01:33:16,131 --> 01:33:17,916
- Tamam.
- Hay�r.
1119
01:33:17,959 --> 01:33:21,789
Pekala, hay�r. ��eride kal�n!
�aka yapm�yorum, tamam m�?
1120
01:33:21,833 --> 01:33:23,661
Orada kal�n.
1121
01:33:26,751 --> 01:33:28,709
Tamam.
1122
01:33:28,753 --> 01:33:31,364
- Lanet olsun.
- Tekrar asla.
1123
01:33:31,407 --> 01:33:33,671
- Sorun yok. Hey.
- Biz ne yap�yoruz? Biz ne yap�yoruz?
1124
01:33:33,714 --> 01:33:35,107
Hepsi ge�ti.
1125
01:33:40,068 --> 01:33:42,244
�ok korkun�tu.
1126
01:33:42,288 --> 01:33:45,465
Lanet olsun!
1127
01:33:49,904 --> 01:33:52,298
Nic? Nic? Nic!
1128
01:34:07,530 --> 01:34:09,489
Hay�r, hay�r, hay�r.
1129
01:35:55,856 --> 01:35:59,077
�ok �zg�n�m. �ok �zg�n�m.
1130
01:36:23,144 --> 01:36:24,885
Tamam. Tamam.
1131
01:36:27,148 --> 01:36:28,889
911. Acil durumunuz nedir?
1132
01:36:28,933 --> 01:36:30,891
Evet. Merhaba. Ben bir...
Yan�mda bir arkada��m var.
1133
01:36:30,935 --> 01:36:32,240
�la� ba��ml�s� ve o..
1134
01:36:32,284 --> 01:36:33,894
Ambulansa ihtiyac�m�z var,
yard�m gerekiyor.
1135
01:36:33,938 --> 01:36:35,287
Bay�m, acil m�dahale
biliyor musunuz?
1136
01:36:35,330 --> 01:36:36,854
Evet, �u anda uyguluyorum.
Sadece...
1137
01:36:36,897 --> 01:36:38,986
Hemen ambulans g�nderin,
1138
01:36:39,030 --> 01:36:41,206
- tamam m�?
- Adresiniz neresi?
1139
01:36:41,249 --> 01:36:43,251
Bilmiyorum.
1140
01:36:43,295 --> 01:36:44,905
�a�r�y� takip edin.
1141
01:36:44,949 --> 01:36:46,689
Alo?
1142
01:36:46,733 --> 01:36:50,128
Alo?
Bay�m, hala hatta m�s�n�z?
1143
01:36:50,171 --> 01:36:52,478
Bay�m?
1144
01:36:55,394 --> 01:36:56,917
Bay�m? Bay�m?
1145
01:37:05,839 --> 01:37:08,798
Bana bak.
1146
01:37:08,842 --> 01:37:10,539
Tatl�m bana bak.
1147
01:37:12,019 --> 01:37:15,414
�uraya do�ru bakar m�s�n?
1148
01:37:15,457 --> 01:37:17,546
Seni acil servise g�t�rmemiz gerekiyor.
1149
01:37:17,590 --> 01:37:18,983
�stemiyorum...
Gitmek istemiyorum...
1150
01:37:19,026 --> 01:37:20,593
- Seni acil servise g�t�rmemiz gerekiyor.
- Ben iyiyim.
1151
01:37:20,636 --> 01:37:21,942
Acil servise gitmek istemiyor.....
1152
01:37:21,986 --> 01:37:23,596
O... Hay�r, o iyi falan de�il.
Onu hemen acile g�t�rmemiz
1153
01:37:23,639 --> 01:37:24,989
- gerekiyor.
- Ama o gitmek istemiyor.
1154
01:37:25,032 --> 01:37:26,729
Hay�r, bay�m, gitmesi gerekiyor!
1155
01:37:26,773 --> 01:37:28,427
Tamam m�?
1156
01:37:28,470 --> 01:37:30,951
Bu konuda s�k�nt� ��kar�rsan�z
polise haber veririm.
1157
01:37:30,995 --> 01:37:32,735
Allah kahretsin.
1158
01:37:32,779 --> 01:37:36,217
Gelip beni g�receksin, de�il mi?
1159
01:37:36,261 --> 01:37:37,697
- Evet. Evet!
- S�z veriyor musun?
1160
01:37:37,740 --> 01:37:40,134
Seni seviyorum.
1161
01:37:40,178 --> 01:37:42,615
Ben de seni seviyorum.
1162
01:37:42,658 --> 01:37:44,312
- Gelece�ine s�z verdin,tamam m�?
- Evet, Lauren.
1163
01:37:44,356 --> 01:37:46,401
Gelip seni g�rece�im lanet olas�.
Benden ne istiyorsun?
1164
01:37:46,445 --> 01:37:49,709
- Tamam, tamam.
- Lanet olsun.
1165
01:38:16,040 --> 01:38:18,433
David Sheff.
1166
01:38:18,477 --> 01:38:20,218
Hey, Baba. Benim.
1167
01:38:22,916 --> 01:38:25,397
- Nic?
- Evet.
1168
01:38:34,667 --> 01:38:36,712
L�tfen benden nefret etme, Baba.
1169
01:38:38,236 --> 01:38:40,238
Yanl�� yapt���m� biliyorum.
1170
01:38:41,979 --> 01:38:44,024
B�rakmak istiyorum,
fakat l�tfen, l�tfen, l�tfen,
1171
01:38:44,068 --> 01:38:45,895
l�tfen, l�tfen,
tekrar tedaviye g�nderme, tamam m�?
1172
01:38:45,939 --> 01:38:48,768
Sadece eve geleyim.
Biliyor musun?
1173
01:38:48,811 --> 01:38:52,598
Farkettim de, ger�ekten
tek ihtiyac�m evde olmak.
1174
01:38:52,641 --> 01:38:57,385
Siz benim toparlanmama
destek olursunuz.
1175
01:38:57,429 --> 01:38:59,431
Tamam m�?
1176
01:39:02,303 --> 01:39:04,305
�yle bir �ey olmayacak.
1177
01:39:13,575 --> 01:39:16,665
Sana yard�m edebilmeyi isterim,
1178
01:39:16,709 --> 01:39:18,667
ama bunu yapamam.
1179
01:39:18,711 --> 01:39:20,452
Yapa...Yapamam.
1180
01:39:20,495 --> 01:39:22,584
L�tfen yard�m et, Baba.
1181
01:39:24,064 --> 01:39:26,284
Hay�r, Baba. Sadece biraz
yard�ma ihityac�m var.
1182
01:39:28,329 --> 01:39:30,418
L�tfen yard�m et.
Eve gelmek istiyorum.
1183
01:39:30,462 --> 01:39:33,160
Sana s�yleyeceklerim
zaten bildi�in �eyler..
1184
01:39:33,204 --> 01:39:35,641
Baba, neden beni dinlemiyorsun?
1185
01:39:35,684 --> 01:39:37,817
- Sponsorunu ara.
- �u anda sponsorumla
1186
01:39:37,860 --> 01:39:39,732
konu�mak istemiyorum.
Seninle konu�mak istiyorum.
1187
01:39:39,775 --> 01:39:41,690
Yard�m al.
1188
01:39:41,734 --> 01:39:43,649
- Seni seviyorum.
- Baba, ne...
1189
01:39:43,692 --> 01:39:46,086
Ve umar�m hayat�na
�ekid�zen verirsin.
1190
01:39:46,130 --> 01:39:47,696
Ben de seni seviyorum.
1191
01:39:47,740 --> 01:39:50,221
Seni seviyorum.
1192
01:42:18,282 --> 01:42:21,110
- Alo.
- Nicolas arad�.
1193
01:42:21,154 --> 01:42:22,547
Sesi �ok �aresiz geliyordu.
1194
01:42:23,852 --> 01:42:25,767
Bir�eyler yapmazsak �lecek.
1195
01:42:25,811 --> 01:42:27,813
Pekala...
1196
01:42:27,856 --> 01:42:30,772
yard�m etsek de �lecek.
1197
01:42:30,816 --> 01:42:33,471
Yapt���m�z hi�bir �eyin
ona yarar� olmuyor.
1198
01:42:39,433 --> 01:42:41,000
Ba�aramad�m.
1199
01:42:41,043 --> 01:42:42,654
Mah�up hissetti�ini biliyorum
tamam m�?
1200
01:42:42,697 --> 01:42:45,309
Ben de �yle.
1201
01:42:45,352 --> 01:42:47,659
Ama �ok u�ra�t�n, David.
1202
01:42:47,702 --> 01:42:50,618
- Ve Karen, sen de,
- Bunun i�in m�te�ekkirim.
1203
01:42:50,662 --> 01:42:52,533
Ben haz�r de�ilken sen u�ra�t�n
1204
01:42:52,577 --> 01:42:54,448
ama ben pes etmeyece�im.
1205
01:42:55,493 --> 01:42:57,321
Asla.
1206
01:42:59,018 --> 01:43:01,760
Ama tek ba��ma yapamam.
1207
01:43:04,719 --> 01:43:07,505
Yard�m�na ihtiyac�m var.
1208
01:43:09,768 --> 01:43:12,771
�nsanlar� kurtarabilece�ini
d���nm�yorum Vicki.
1209
01:43:14,686 --> 01:43:18,080
Yanlar�nda olabilirsin ama de�il mi?
1210
01:43:21,910 --> 01:43:24,086
�una bak.
1211
01:43:29,222 --> 01:43:31,137
Ben bittim.
1212
01:43:31,180 --> 01:43:33,357
Tamam m�? Ben...
1213
01:43:33,400 --> 01:43:36,403
Tamam.
1214
01:44:06,127 --> 01:44:08,127
Ben sebep olmad�m.Kontrol edemiyorum.
Kurtulam�yorum.
1215
01:44:10,045 --> 01:44:12,047
Herkese merhaba.
1216
01:44:12,091 --> 01:44:14,789
Biraraya gelme zaman�.
1217
01:44:27,280 --> 01:44:31,415
Ben... Zor bir hafta ge�irdim.
1218
01:44:33,852 --> 01:44:35,593
Baz�lar�n�z bilir,
baz�lar�n�z bilmez.
1219
01:44:35,636 --> 01:44:37,290
Ben...
1220
01:44:37,334 --> 01:44:39,379
Bu hafta Frances'imi kaybettim.
1221
01:44:39,423 --> 01:44:42,556
Pazar g�n� a��r� dozdan �ld�.
1222
01:44:42,600 --> 01:44:44,689
Yani...
1223
01:44:44,732 --> 01:44:48,693
San�r�m yastay�m,
fakat ben...
1224
01:44:48,736 --> 01:44:51,130
Ba�ka bir�eyin fark�na vard�m.
1225
01:44:51,173 --> 01:44:55,221
Asl�nda y�llard�r yastaym���m.
1226
01:44:57,310 --> 01:44:59,530
��nk� ya��yorken bile O.....
1227
01:44:59,573 --> 01:45:02,097
burada de�ildi.
1228
01:45:02,141 --> 01:45:06,406
Hayat� yasl� ge�irmeye ba�lad���n�zda,
1229
01:45:06,450 --> 01:45:09,322
ya�amak �ok zor oluyor.
1230
01:45:11,324 --> 01:45:13,805
Ve bir �ekilde...
1231
01:45:13,848 --> 01:45:16,068
bir �ekilde daha iyi...
1232
01:45:16,111 --> 01:45:18,200
oldu san�r�m..
1233
01:45:22,379 --> 01:45:27,949
O �ok sevimli,
sevimli bir gen� k�zd�.
1234
01:45:29,908 --> 01:45:32,084
Her zaman...
1235
01:45:32,127 --> 01:45:34,695
g��l� olmam gerekiyor gibi... hissettim.
1236
01:45:34,739 --> 01:45:38,133
Bir zaman gelecek, d�zelecek
1237
01:45:38,177 --> 01:45:40,788
ve... o zamana kadar g��l� kalmal�y�m
diye d���nd�m.
1238
01:45:44,401 --> 01:45:46,881
Ama art�k o umut kalmad�.
1239
01:45:46,925 --> 01:45:50,450
Umar�m art�k ac� �ekmiyordur.
1240
01:45:57,152 --> 01:45:59,154
Ho��akal, Frances.
1241
01:47:56,271 --> 01:47:58,535
Hey.
1242
01:47:58,578 --> 01:48:00,754
Merhaba.
1243
01:48:10,024 --> 01:48:11,591
Durumu nas�l?
1244
01:48:11,635 --> 01:48:13,854
Doktorlar �u anda yan�nda.
1245
01:48:15,464 --> 01:48:17,249
V�cudunda bu kadar ila� varken
1246
01:48:17,292 --> 01:48:20,252
ya�amas�n�n mucize
oldu�unu s�ylediler.
1247
01:50:34,176 --> 01:50:37,976
A��r� doza ba�l� �l�mler , �u anda Amerika'daki
50 ya� alt� �l�mlerin en b�y�k nedeni.
1248
01:50:40,100 --> 01:50:45,100
M�thi� bir destek ve �al��mayla Nic
8 y�ld�r ila� alm�yor ve art�k sorunu kalmad�.
1249
01:50:47,124 --> 01:50:50,124
Her ne kadar ba��ml�l�k tedavisi devletten
�ok az destek ve d�zenleme alsa da
1250
01:50:50,148 --> 01:50:53,148
bu salg�nla ba�etmek i�in
t�m topluluklar canla ba�la �al���yor.
1251
01:50:56,172 --> 01:51:02,572
Hastal���n pen�esinde k�vrananlar,
ac� �ekenler ve hasta yak�nlar� i�in yard�m orada.
1252
01:55:19,620 --> 01:55:21,447
"Either peace or happiness,
1253
01:55:21,491 --> 01:55:23,319
"let it enfold you.
1254
01:55:23,362 --> 01:55:26,322
"When I was a young man,
I felt that these things
1255
01:55:26,365 --> 01:55:28,803
"were dumb, unsophisticated.
1256
01:55:28,846 --> 01:55:31,066
"I had bad blood, a twisted mind,
1257
01:55:31,109 --> 01:55:33,198
"a precarious upbringing.
1258
01:55:33,242 --> 01:55:34,852
"I was hard as granite.
1259
01:55:34,896 --> 01:55:36,767
"I leered at the sun.
1260
01:55:36,811 --> 01:55:40,249
"I trusted no man and especially no woman.
1261
01:55:40,292 --> 01:55:42,643
"I was living a hell in small rooms.
1262
01:55:42,686 --> 01:55:44,383
"I broke things, smashed things,
1263
01:55:44,427 --> 01:55:46,995
"walked through glass, cursed.
1264
01:55:47,038 --> 01:55:48,649
"I challenged everything,
1265
01:55:48,692 --> 01:55:50,868
"was continually being evicted, jailed,
1266
01:55:50,912 --> 01:55:53,654
"in and out of fights,
in and out of my mind.
1267
01:55:53,697 --> 01:55:56,091
"Women were something to screw and rail at.
1268
01:55:56,134 --> 01:55:58,223
"I had no male friends.
1269
01:55:58,267 --> 01:56:00,356
"I changed jobs and cities.
1270
01:56:00,399 --> 01:56:03,054
"I hated holidays, babies, history,
1271
01:56:03,098 --> 01:56:05,709
"newspapers, museums, grandmothers,
1272
01:56:05,753 --> 01:56:08,756
"marriage, movies, spiders, garbagemen,
1273
01:56:08,799 --> 01:56:12,673
"English accents, Spain, France, Italy,
1274
01:56:12,716 --> 01:56:15,414
"walnuts and the color orange.
1275
01:56:15,458 --> 01:56:17,286
"Algebra angered me.
1276
01:56:17,329 --> 01:56:19,244
"Opera sickened me.
1277
01:56:19,288 --> 01:56:21,333
"Charlie Chaplin was a fake.
1278
01:56:21,377 --> 01:56:23,509
"And flowers were for pansies.
1279
01:56:23,553 --> 01:56:26,904
"Peace and happiness were to me
signs of inferiority,
1280
01:56:26,948 --> 01:56:29,733
"tenants of the weak and addled mind.
1281
01:56:29,777 --> 01:56:32,344
"But as I went on with my alley fights,
1282
01:56:32,388 --> 01:56:33,911
"my suicidal years,
1283
01:56:33,955 --> 01:56:35,870
"my passage through any number of women,
1284
01:56:35,913 --> 01:56:39,395
"it gradually began to occur
to me that I wasn't different
1285
01:56:39,438 --> 01:56:41,484
"from the others, I was the same.
1286
01:56:41,527 --> 01:56:43,442
"They were all fulsome with hatred,
1287
01:56:43,486 --> 01:56:45,836
"glossed over with petty grievances.
1288
01:56:45,880 --> 01:56:48,491
"The men I fought in alleys
had hearts of stone.
1289
01:56:48,534 --> 01:56:50,493
"Everybody was nudging, inching,
1290
01:56:50,536 --> 01:56:53,365
"cheating for some insignificant advantage.
1291
01:56:53,409 --> 01:56:56,542
"The lie was the weapon,
and the plot was empty.
1292
01:56:56,586 --> 01:56:58,806
"Darkness was the dictator.
1293
01:56:58,849 --> 01:57:02,244
"Cautiously, I allowed myself
to feel good at times.
1294
01:57:02,287 --> 01:57:04,202
"I found moments of peace in cheap rooms
1295
01:57:04,246 --> 01:57:07,249
"just staring at the knobs of some dresser
1296
01:57:07,292 --> 01:57:09,599
"or listening to the rain in the dark.
1297
01:57:09,642 --> 01:57:12,602
"The less I needed, the better I felt.
1298
01:57:12,645 --> 01:57:14,517
"Maybe the other life had worn me down.
1299
01:57:14,560 --> 01:57:16,214
"I no longer found glamour
1300
01:57:16,258 --> 01:57:18,608
"in topping somebody in conversation
1301
01:57:18,651 --> 01:57:21,872
"or in mounting the body
of some poor, drunken female
1302
01:57:21,916 --> 01:57:24,396
"whose life had slipped away into sorrow.
1303
01:57:24,440 --> 01:57:26,355
"I could never accept life as it was.
1304
01:57:26,398 --> 01:57:29,184
"I could never gobble down all its poisons.
1305
01:57:29,227 --> 01:57:31,490
"But there were parts, tenuous magic parts,
1306
01:57:31,534 --> 01:57:33,492
"open for the asking.
1307
01:57:33,536 --> 01:57:35,059
"I reformulated.
1308
01:57:35,103 --> 01:57:37,105
"I don't know when... date, time, all that...
1309
01:57:37,148 --> 01:57:38,759
"but the change occurred.
1310
01:57:38,802 --> 01:57:42,110
"Something in me relaxed, smoothed out.
1311
01:57:42,153 --> 01:57:44,416
"I no longer had to prove that I was a man.
1312
01:57:44,460 --> 01:57:46,157
"I didn't have to prove anything.
1313
01:57:46,201 --> 01:57:47,942
"I began to see things.
1314
01:57:47,985 --> 01:57:50,683
"Coffee cups lined up
behind a counter in a cafe.
1315
01:57:50,727 --> 01:57:53,164
"Or a dog walking along a sidewalk.
1316
01:57:53,208 --> 01:57:55,123
"Or the way the mouse on my dresser top
1317
01:57:55,166 --> 01:57:57,168
"stopped there, really stopped there,
1318
01:57:57,212 --> 01:57:59,301
"with its body, its ears, its nose.
1319
01:57:59,344 --> 01:58:03,174
"It was fixed, a bit of life
caught within itself,
1320
01:58:03,218 --> 01:58:07,004
"and its eyes looked at me,
and they were beautiful.
1321
01:58:07,048 --> 01:58:09,093
"Then it was gone.
1322
01:58:09,137 --> 01:58:10,965
"I began to feel good.
1323
01:58:11,008 --> 01:58:13,489
"I began to feel good
in the worst situations,
1324
01:58:13,532 --> 01:58:15,230
"and there were plenty of those.
1325
01:58:15,273 --> 01:58:18,276
"Like, say, the boss behind his desk.
1326
01:58:18,320 --> 01:58:20,409
"He is going to have to fire me.
1327
01:58:20,452 --> 01:58:22,193
"I've missed too many days.
1328
01:58:22,237 --> 01:58:25,501
"He's dressed in a suit, necktie, glasses.
1329
01:58:25,544 --> 01:58:28,286
"He says, 'I am going
to have to let you go.'
1330
01:58:28,330 --> 01:58:30,071
"'It's all right, ' I tell him.
1331
01:58:30,114 --> 01:58:31,550
"He must do what he must do.
1332
01:58:31,594 --> 01:58:33,509
"He has a wife, a house, children,
1333
01:58:33,552 --> 01:58:36,729
"expenses, most probably a girlfriend.
1334
01:58:36,773 --> 01:58:38,209
"I'm sorry for him.
1335
01:58:38,253 --> 01:58:39,863
"He's caught.
1336
01:58:39,907 --> 01:58:41,517
"I walk out into the blazing sunshine.
1337
01:58:41,560 --> 01:58:44,302
"The whole day is mine, temporarily anyhow.
1338
01:58:44,346 --> 01:58:46,914
"The whole world is at
the throat of the world.
1339
01:58:46,957 --> 01:58:49,873
"Everybody feels angry,
short-changed, cheated.
1340
01:58:49,917 --> 01:58:52,615
"Everybody is despondent, disillusioned.
1341
01:58:52,658 --> 01:58:55,792
"I welcomed shots of peace,
tattered shards of happiness.
1342
01:58:55,836 --> 01:58:58,186
"I embraced that stuff
like the hottest number,
1343
01:58:58,229 --> 01:59:01,102
"like high heels, breasts,
singing, the works.
1344
01:59:01,145 --> 01:59:02,668
"Don't get me wrong,
1345
01:59:02,712 --> 01:59:04,428
"there is such a thing as cockeyed optimism
1346
01:59:04,453 --> 01:59:05,846
"that overlooks all basic problems
1347
01:59:05,889 --> 01:59:07,325
"just for the sake of itself.
1348
01:59:07,369 --> 01:59:09,588
"This is a shield and a sickness.
1349
01:59:09,632 --> 01:59:11,634
"The knife got near my throat again.
1350
01:59:11,677 --> 01:59:13,549
"I almost turned on the gas again.
1351
01:59:13,592 --> 01:59:15,551
"But when the good moments arrived again,
1352
01:59:15,594 --> 01:59:17,683
"I didn't fight them off
like an alley adversary.
1353
01:59:17,727 --> 01:59:20,164
"I let them take me. I luxuriated in them.
1354
01:59:20,208 --> 01:59:21,992
"I bade them welcome home.
1355
01:59:22,036 --> 01:59:23,646
"I even looked into the mirror once
1356
01:59:23,689 --> 01:59:26,692
"having thought myself to be ugly.
1357
01:59:26,736 --> 01:59:28,738
"I now liked what I saw.
1358
01:59:28,781 --> 01:59:30,435
"Almost handsome.
1359
01:59:30,479 --> 01:59:32,655
"Yes, a bit ripped and ragged.
1360
01:59:32,698 --> 01:59:34,831
"Scars, lumps, odd turns.
1361
01:59:34,875 --> 01:59:36,920
"But all in all, not too bad.
1362
01:59:36,964 --> 01:59:38,791
"Almost handsome.
1363
01:59:38,835 --> 01:59:40,881
"Better at least than some
of those movie star faces
1364
01:59:40,924 --> 01:59:42,621
"like the cheeks of a baby's butt.
1365
01:59:42,665 --> 01:59:44,145
"And finally I discovered
1366
01:59:44,188 --> 01:59:46,495
"real feelings for others, unheralded.
1367
01:59:46,538 --> 01:59:48,366
"Like lately, like this morning,
1368
01:59:48,410 --> 01:59:51,892
"as I was leaving for the
track, I saw my wife in bed,
1369
01:59:51,935 --> 01:59:53,763
"just the shape of her head there,
1370
01:59:53,806 --> 01:59:57,375
"covers pulled high, just
the shape of her head there.
1371
01:59:57,419 --> 01:59:59,812
"Not forgetting centuries
of the living and the dead
1372
01:59:59,856 --> 02:00:01,640
"and the dying, the pyramids,
1373
02:00:01,684 --> 02:00:04,165
"Mozart dead, but his music
still there in the room,
1374
02:00:04,208 --> 02:00:05,949
"weeds growing, the Earth turning,
1375
02:00:05,993 --> 02:00:08,082
"the tote board waiting for me.
1376
02:00:08,125 --> 02:00:09,866
"I saw the shape of my wife's head,
1377
02:00:09,910 --> 02:00:11,302
"she so still.
1378
02:00:11,346 --> 02:00:12,825
"I ached for her life,
1379
02:00:12,869 --> 02:00:14,523
"just being there under the covers.
1380
02:00:14,566 --> 02:00:16,090
"I kissed her on the forehead,
1381
02:00:16,133 --> 02:00:17,874
"got down the stairway, got outside,
1382
02:00:17,918 --> 02:00:20,355
"got into my marvelous car,
fixed the seat belt,
1383
02:00:20,398 --> 02:00:21,834
"backed out the drive.
1384
02:00:21,878 --> 02:00:23,662
"Feeling warm to the fingertips,
1385
02:00:23,706 --> 02:00:26,491
"down to my foot on the gas pedal,
1386
02:00:26,535 --> 02:00:28,450
"I entered the world once more,
1387
02:00:28,493 --> 02:00:30,539
"drove down the hill past the houses
1388
02:00:30,582 --> 02:00:32,367
"full and empty of people.
1389
02:00:32,410 --> 02:00:34,847
"I saw the mailman, honked.
1390
02:00:34,891 --> 02:00:37,285
He waved back at me."100566