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1
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Previously on
"Splitting Up Together"...
2
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,403
It's not a first date.
Of course not.
Why would it be?
3
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:04,571
I'm sorry. Is this
making you feel weird?
4
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:08,141
It's not weird at all.
Not at all.
5
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,943
Vlad: You're still in love
with your ex-husband.
6
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:10,944
I am not!
7
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,980
To me, you feel
off the market.
8
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,816
Well, I'm not off the market.
I am on the market.
9
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,117
What are we?
10
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:18,018
Nothing.
11
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,486
People are buying that?
12
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,054
[ Chuckles ]
13
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:22,155
Beg pardon?
14
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:23,690
This has everything
to do with you
15
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,860
and your unresolved feelings
for Martin.
16
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:31,298
Martin: Hey, Lena.
17
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:32,799
Martin.
What's wrong?
18
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:35,369
You cheating on me?
With that Russian contractor?
19
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,638
What? We're not even
together anymore.
20
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,239
You're dating
another woman.
21
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:40,641
♪♪
22
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,676
There is no other woman.
23
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,544
There never will be
another woman.
24
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,879
You know that.
25
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,782
[ Thompson Twins'
"If You Were Here" plays ]
26
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,218
♪ If you were here ♪
27
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,321
♪ I could deceive you ♪
28
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:57,391
♪♪
29
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,759
It's a bodysuit.
30
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,362
It has snaps.
31
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:03,897
Oh.
32
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,799
[ Snaps pop ]
33
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,200
[ Loud pop ]
[ Gasps ]
34
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,535
[ Panting ]
35
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:10,003
[ Birds chirping ]
36
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,071
[ Chuckles ]
37
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,673
♪♪
38
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,943
♪ Keep giving me hope
for a better day ♪
39
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:19,646
♪ Keep giving me love
to find a way ♪
40
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,482
♪ Through this heaviness
I feel ♪
41
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:28,922
♪ I just need someone to say
everything's okay ♪
42
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,590
♪ Everything's okay ♪
43
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,392
-- Captions by VITAC --
44
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:35,362
Mom, where are our lunches?
It's turkey-and-tahini Tuesday.
45
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,931
Sorry, guys. I must've
slept through my alarm.
46
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,000
Just like that,
Hell hath frozen over.
47
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,269
Okay, Mom's thrown in
the towel.
48
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,838
We're gonna have to
fend for ourselves now.
49
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,707
I'm willing
to be our ruler.
50
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,142
I'd sooner move into the garage
with Dad.
51
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:50,410
I'm your dad now.
52
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:51,611
Mason: You'd be
a terrible dad.
53
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,513
[ "If You Were Here" plays ]
54
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:55,482
[ Indistinct arguing ]
[ Gasps ]
55
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,084
[ Music stops ]
Guys, quiet!
56
00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:58,385
Here.
57
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:00,087
You're buying lunch today.
58
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:01,922
Get your stuff.
Come on. Grandpa's outside.
59
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,791
You know he only waits five
minutes before he drives off.
60
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:11,698
[ Music resumes ]
61
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,734
♪ The rainwater drips ♪
62
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:18,205
♪ Through a crack
in the ceiling ♪
63
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,473
[ Gasps ]
64
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,408
Ohh!
[ Thud ]
65
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:22,509
Oh, my God!
[ Groans ]
66
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,478
Oh! Hey.
67
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,879
[ Telephone beeps ]
[ Chuckles ]
68
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,081
Oh, man, are you okay?
69
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,349
Fine. I'm fine.
70
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,284
I'm just -- I'm on hold
for an important business call,
71
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:32,853
so can I
get back to you?
Mm-hmm.
72
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,321
Maybe I can
get back to you.
Yeah.
73
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,023
Oh, uh,
hey, don't forget,
74
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,225
we need to get a sitter for
parent/teacher night tomorrow.
75
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:39,259
Don't you forget.
76
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,996
You want me to call
the sitter? I will.
77
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,465
Martin, get out of here.
It is not your week!
78
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:46,533
Okay.
79
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,135
[ Sighs ]
80
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,437
♪♪
81
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:53,106
Gene.
What the heck?!
82
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:53,974
Small world.
83
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:57,544
Small one block away
from my job.
84
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:59,279
I don't have
any bread for you, okay?
85
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,181
Okay. [ Chuckles ]
86
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,783
So, is this
your normal look?
87
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,184
You're --
You're a corduroy man?
88
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,720
Mm, yeah. Mama likey.
[ Chuckles ]
89
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:07,954
This is me. Bye.
90
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,190
Oh. Wait. Um...
[ Clears throat ]
91
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,726
We've been seeing each other
for a couple of weeks now.
92
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,062
I mean, you're
a repeat customer, yeah.
93
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:18,765
I was kind of feeling like
maybe we were more than that.
94
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:22,269
I literally
don't even know your name.
95
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,271
[ Laughing ] Oh!
96
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,806
You're gonna love it.
97
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:28,208
It's Maya.
98
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,276
I'm Maya.
99
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,646
Well, Maya, guess I'll see you
at your next meal,
100
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,314
if you're seated
in my section.
[ Car alarm chirps ]
101
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,083
Oh, come on, Gene.
I don't know what's going on.
102
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,018
Are we --
Are we friends?
103
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,820
Are we enemies?
Are we frenemies?
104
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,922
Are we frennies with bennies?
Are we cuz-bros?
105
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,023
I don't know.
I don't know.
106
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,324
I just really want
to find out.
107
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,960
Preferably before
I give birth, so...
108
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,162
maybe we could
go out on a date.
109
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,200
Fine. But we're going
to Rainforest Buffet.
110
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:55,902
Okay.
111
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,237
I recently slipped
on some of their tilapia,
112
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,606
so they gave me a voucher
for two free apps.
113
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:01,575
[ Engine starts ]
Oh. I love tilapia.
114
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:03,743
Oh --
115
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,780
♪♪
116
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,015
I think he likes us.
117
00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:12,319
♪♪
118
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,254
-Thanks, Lori.
-Sure.
119
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,322
Anxious?
120
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,291
Is it that obvious?
121
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:20,594
Well, now, I used to have
the worst anxiety
122
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,995
about going to the dentist.
123
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,630
My husband
would have to come in
124
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,999
and hold my hand
the whole time.
125
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,334
[ Chuckles ]
126
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,869
But since he's gone,
127
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,071
I just take one of these.
128
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:31,738
You want?
129
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:33,140
Oh! No, thank you.
130
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,842
I don't do drugs.
I'm not a druggie.
131
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:38,478
Are you sure?
Because these are herbal.
132
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:41,014
[ Drill whirring ]
133
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,516
Okay, yeah.
I will take one. Thanks.
134
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,850
Oh, good.
135
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,086
[ Whirring continues ]
136
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:46,953
Oh.
137
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,622
Just for later.
[ Chuckles ]
138
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,090
[ Chuckles ]
139
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:50,991
[ Button snaps ]
140
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,926
[ Whirring continues ]
141
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,428
So, is your husband
not with us any longer?
142
00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:57,164
He's not, no.
143
00:04:57,164 --> 00:05:00,033
He's with that jezebel,
Eleanor.
144
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,870
And she's the reason
for the rising chlamydia rates
145
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,906
among the elderly.
146
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,675
She's just got a messy
little crinkum-crankum,
147
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:09,976
if you know what I mean.
148
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,579
I think I do.
Mm.
[ Door opens ]
149
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:15,749
[ Whirring continues ]
Lena, we're ready for you.
150
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,785
How did you say
this happened?
151
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,120
Well...
152
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:24,291
I had this erotic dream
about my ex-husband,
153
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:27,260
wherein he reached down
and unsnapped my bodysuit.
154
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,328
Ohh!
155
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,063
And then when I woke up,
I ran face-first
156
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:33,166
into the fridge door
just to avoid seeing him.
157
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,935
[ Chuckles ]
158
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,536
The whole thing's
kind of hilarious,
159
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,171
if you think about it.
160
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,874
I bet he would think
it's hilarious, too.
161
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,845
"To: Martin.
162
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,414
Subject: Hilarious."
163
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:49,015
Are you feeling okay?
164
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,116
Who, me?
Mm-hmm.
165
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,985
I'm legit.
Oh, okay.
166
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:57,157
Aw, man!
No signal?
167
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,693
Message will be saved
in my outbox?
168
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,194
Well, bad news.
169
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,797
That tooth of yours is cracked
all the way up to the root,
170
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:06,833
so we're gonna have to do
an emergency root canal.
171
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:08,835
[ Inhales sharply ]
Yeah.
Yeah.
172
00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:12,138
The thing is,
I don't do so well...
173
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,976
I don't do so well.
174
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,544
Yeah. We know.
175
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,145
Everyone knows.
176
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,349
Might I suggest
some sedation?
177
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:25,252
Yeah. You can suggest it.
You can do it.
178
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,653
Uh...
179
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,321
Take me to the moon!
180
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,458
[ Gas hissing ]
181
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,959
Mm. Oh!
182
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,728
Just breathe normally.
183
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,296
Okay.
184
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,998
Oh! Excuse me.
185
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,300
I failed
to disclose something.
186
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,968
I was fed a pill
187
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:45,338
by a, um,
a kind, old lady.
188
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:48,141
What if there's some kind
of interaction?
189
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:51,077
Or, like,
combined drug toxicity?
190
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,780
I'm gonna have the doctor
come and talk to you.
191
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,082
Just try to relax.
[ Gasps ]
192
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,651
Think about that bodysuit.
193
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:58,685
Okay.
194
00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:02,789
♪♪
195
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,758
I like your voice.
196
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,459
[ Echoing ]
I like your voice.
197
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:09,329
Nurse: [ Echoing ]
Think about that bodysuit.
198
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,597
[ Giggles ]
199
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,499
Lena: [ Echoing ]
Bodysuit. Bodysuit. Bodysuit.
200
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,634
Miriam: [ Echoing ]
Crinkum-crankum.
201
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,771
[ Panting ]
202
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,173
[ Frantic music plays ]
203
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,509
[ Serene music plays ]
204
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:24,577
[ Frantic music plays ]
[ Panting ]
205
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,780
[ Serene music plays ]
206
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,981
Ma'am?
207
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,386
[ Knock on door ]
208
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,788
I know.
209
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,323
I know -- she's mad.
210
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,725
She's very mad,
but she can't be that mad,
211
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:40,093
because she came, right?
212
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:41,394
You said lunch.
213
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,195
I did.
214
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,564
I have lunch.
Come in.
215
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:46,633
[ Door closes ]
216
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,668
All right, see?
Look.
217
00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:49,803
Look what I did.
218
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,639
I did this -- all me.
219
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,174
So, what the hell,
dude?
220
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,909
What's up
with the head games?
221
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,510
You begged to stay over
at my place,
222
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,212
and when I finally
say yes, you, like,
223
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,880
make up some stupid lie
and run off.
224
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,682
I know. I just got
a little freaked out.
225
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,050
By what?
226
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,485
I mean, everything's normal
at my house.
227
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,588
Are you just one of those guys
who loves the chase,
228
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,623
and then the second a woman's
interested, you're done?
229
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:12,659
Are you just one of those women
who likes men
230
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,027
when they seem
uninterested?
231
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,563
[ Cellphone rings ]
Because if so...
232
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,331
I am taking this call.
233
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,567
Hello?
234
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:23,436
She what?
235
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:25,438
[ Sighs ]
What?
236
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,574
Well, why didn't
anyone stop her?
237
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:28,708
Ah, geez.
238
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:29,676
Okay, no.
239
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,412
Yeah.
I'll be right there.
240
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:35,115
Okay, full disclosure here --
no phony excuses.
241
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,851
This is me
letting you in.
242
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:39,919
My wife is missing.
243
00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:40,854
What?
244
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,422
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
245
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,391
I know -- it sounds like a lie,
but I swear it's true.
246
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,059
You just called her
your wife.
247
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,595
Ohh.
248
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,363
Oh, no, that's just because
that's what they called her --
249
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,766
the doctor's office
just now on the phone.
250
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,367
And why would they
do that?
251
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,369
[ Stammers ]
252
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,537
Sexism?
253
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:01,474
God! It just pisses me off,
you know?
254
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:04,878
I mean, just the stuff that
you guys have to go through.
255
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,179
[ Exhales sharply ]
256
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,047
Also, I'm still
her emergency contact,
257
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,716
and she's still
on my insurance.
258
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,051
Okay.
Nice meeting you.
259
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,352
No, look, Paige --
Okay.
260
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,487
Clearly, our divorces
are not compatible,
261
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,723
but that doesn't mean
that we can't be.
262
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:17,991
Look.
263
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,692
Let me go find
my ex-wife
264
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,995
and then take my future one
out for drinks.
265
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,364
Did you just propose
to me?
266
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:27,467
N-No, I-I-I-I certainly
didn't mean to.
267
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:31,404
I mean, I literally was
just trying to sound...clever.
268
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,708
And if I'm being honest,
I probably won't marry again.
269
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,577
Although I am open
to living with someone.
270
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,480
Obviously,
Lena would need a room.
271
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,848
[ Laughs ]
272
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,783
Kidding.
273
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:45,985
So, drinks later?
274
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:47,620
Hm?
275
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:48,755
[ Groans ]
276
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,191
I have her belongings.
I just don't have her.
277
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,026
I'm gassing up
Gene's Yaris.
278
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,161
Otherwise, I'd love
to help you look.
279
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,497
Hey. Do you want me
to check the oil?
280
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:58,298
Who's Gene?
281
00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,399
Hey, watch the pump!
282
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,367
Don't let it
get over 6 bucks.
283
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:02,769
Anything over 6,
you're covering.
284
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,803
Sounds like a winner.
285
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,438
Come on, Maya.
Think.
286
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,873
I don't have time for this
right now.
287
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:09,843
I just ran out on my date
with Paige after apologizing
288
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,011
for running out
on my previous date with Paige.
289
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:13,346
[ Cellphone rings ]
290
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,114
Hold on.
291
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,416
I got to take this.
292
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,618
Okay! Bye!
293
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,786
Could you get a towel?
294
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:20,920
[ Cellphone rings ]
295
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,489
What's up?
Hey, bro.
296
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,390
I just caught Lena's set
at the farmers market.
297
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,692
She's pretty talented.
298
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:26,593
What?!
299
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:29,896
[ Reggae music plays ]
300
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:32,265
♪ Buffalo Soldier ♪
301
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,902
♪ Dreadlock Rasta ♪
302
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,203
Oh, no.
303
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:39,672
♪ There was
a Buffalo Soldier! ♪
304
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:43,276
I beg you --
I beg you to stop before --
♪ In the heart of America! ♪
305
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,111
Don't say it.
Don't say it!
306
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,980
♪ Stolen from Africa -- ♪
307
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,414
[ Thud ]
[ Crowd gasps ]
308
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:50,483
[ Laughing ]
Okay, come on.
309
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,584
Okay.
310
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,586
Hi.
311
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,554
Hi.
312
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,222
Hey!
Yeah, hi!
313
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,690
Hey, sorry.
I'm so sorry.
314
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:58,791
I'm so sorry.
315
00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:02,095
[ Chanting ] Let her sing!
Legalize it!
316
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,196
It's legal, dude.
317
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,864
What are you doing here?
318
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,166
Gettin' my bone broth on.
319
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,534
That's not a beverage, man.
320
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,902
Hey, you going to
parent/teacher night?
321
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,103
Bye!
322
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,671
Little darling
gonna stir it up?
323
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,574
Lena: [ Jamaican accent ]
Hey, mon! Why ya harsh my vibe?
324
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,376
Um, okay, look,
I'm gonna drop you off
325
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,444
so you can sleep off
that offensive accent.
326
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:20,313
I will go
to parent/teacher night.
327
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:23,082
Are you kidding me?
I'm not missing parent/teacher.
328
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:25,585
I am a parent, Martin.
329
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,820
Education is
my top priority.
330
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:29,188
Lena, but you're --
331
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:31,457
[ Goofily ] My candidacy
was founded on education.
332
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,293
[ Laughing ]
Oh, my gosh.
333
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,994
Okay. Whatever.
334
00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:37,430
If you're coming, we got to
get some food in your stomach
335
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,831
to help sober you up.
336
00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:40,166
I am sober.
337
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,870
I say "Nope" to dope.
338
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,238
Did ya, though?
339
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,807
No.
340
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:49,142
I said "Yes."
341
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,777
[ Laughs ]
342
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:53,780
I cannot believe you're eating
from a street cart.
343
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,515
You must be really high.
344
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,716
[ Laughs ]
345
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,051
Oh, wait.
Huh?
346
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,919
Is this that cart?
The guy?
347
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:03,089
Remember, we got tacos here
and then we went home and we...
348
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:05,425
What are you
talking about?
349
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:08,094
We had sex...
in the car?
350
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:12,332
Oh, yeah.
Uh...that wasn't me.
351
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,733
Well,
whose fault is that?
352
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,734
[ Chuckles ]
353
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,336
[ Scoffs ]
354
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,971
[ Clears throat ]
355
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,340
Hey, seriously, how come we
didn't ever have sex in a car?
356
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,742
What are you
talking about?
357
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,311
Martin, why did
our love life die?
358
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,184
Um...
359
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,820
Probably because of
Thursdays at 9:00 p.m.
360
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:37,323
Hm?
361
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:40,827
You decided that that would be
our sex night. Remember?
362
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,362
Yeah, I remember.
363
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:45,198
And then you decided
to join that basketball troop
364
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,233
on Thursdays so that
you would never be home.
365
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:48,801
Basketball league.
366
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,437
There are some things
367
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,439
that you shouldn't be able
to dictate, Lena.
368
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:54,774
Fine.
369
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,510
How come you didn't come up
with a sex plan of your own?
370
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,479
Because that's not
the kind of lover I am, okay?
371
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,947
Well, what kind of lover
are you?
372
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,081
I don't know.
373
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:03,816
I'm like...Prince.
374
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:04,851
I love Prince.
375
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:06,452
Yeah, well,
Prince never would've had
376
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,354
regularly scheduled sex
with you.
377
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,156
You don't know that.
Don't speak for Prince.
378
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:11,557
Oh, Prince would never
schedule it, okay?
379
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,660
He needed to feel it.
He needed to be in the moment.
380
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,828
What, did you have sex
with Prince?
381
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,864
[ Both laugh ]
382
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:22,802
♪♪
383
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,638
Honestly, I think
I used the no-sex thing
384
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,274
as a way
to get back at you --
385
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:30,276
for making me feel like
nothing I ever did
386
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:31,811
was good enough.
387
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,414
Well, I think I used
the scheduled-sex thing
388
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,316
because I could feel you
slipping away
389
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,152
and I was desperate
to hold on and --
390
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,853
Lena, I-I --
Martin, no.
391
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:41,888
No, I --
No, no.
392
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,623
Martin, no!
393
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,024
Martin, no!
394
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,259
Hey! Stop it!
395
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,594
Hey, hey, hey!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
396
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,230
Ohhhh!
397
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:56,502
Martin: So, let me
get this straight --
398
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,770
you can park here
for two hours
399
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,472
between 10:00 A.M.
and 6:00 P.M., right?
400
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,941
But there's no parking
from 8:00 A.M. to 8:00 P.M.
401
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:04,544
Okay. And does that symbol mean
you can fish here?
402
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,280
I'm gonna call
the tow company.
403
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,781
Oh!
My phone is dead!
404
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,417
Ugh. My Uber's
just pinwheeling.
405
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:12,719
We're gonna miss
parent/teacher night.
406
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:13,986
And Paige is
gonna kill me.
407
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,154
It sounds more like a lie
408
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:16,823
than the actual lies
I've told her.
409
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:26,966
Oh, good news --
your sister
410
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,302
and the guy she's been dating
are gonna grab us.
411
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,772
What guy
she's been dating?
412
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,681
I'm confused.
413
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:42,882
So am I.
414
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,484
When did
this happen?
415
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,552
It didn't.
Oh, cut it out, Gene.
416
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,955
He's reluctant
but present.
417
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:50,189
Like Dad.
418
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:51,624
I thought
your relationship with Gene
419
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,526
was primarily bread-based,
420
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,194
in that
he brings you bread.
421
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:56,763
But not just bread.
422
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,598
He also got me
these potato skins.
423
00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,799
I got those for me.
424
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:00,800
[ Chuckles ]
425
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,769
[ Singsong voice ]
Incoming PDA!
426
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,372
He's, like...familiar,
you know?
427
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,407
He's mean.
"Gene."
428
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,176
Look, I've been very clear
with your sister,
429
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,844
but she's like
a dog with a bone.
430
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:12,845
A dog!
431
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,313
With a bone!
432
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:15,815
And when is a dog
happier?
433
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:18,284
Don't finish all
the potato skins. I want some.
434
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:20,887
I'm suddenly
very exhausted.
435
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,622
Oh, here. Lie down.
436
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,726
But I would also
like a potato skin.
437
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:32,398
♪♪
438
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,634
Steady.
Two step--
439
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,871
What happened to you?
440
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:40,339
None taken.
441
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,308
Wait. Did you say
"No offense"?
442
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:43,409
No.
443
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,545
I like
sloppy and toasted Lena.
444
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,913
She's like if Lena
lived in a trailer
445
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,148
and started laundering money
in the Ozarks.
446
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:50,616
I just binged "Ozark."
447
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,018
I love Laura Linney.
448
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:53,352
Okay, look.
449
00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:54,687
This is our first
parent/teacher night,
450
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,189
and we're trying to make
a good first impression.
451
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,224
Since we're not real parents,
there's strike one.
452
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:02,762
But this -- this could easily
be strikes two and three,
453
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,030
so bye.
454
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,364
Arthur: Bye!
455
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:06,966
[ Indistinct conversations ]
456
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,202
Dodson. Hey,
nice to see you again.
457
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:10,136
Hi.
458
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,070
Dig the tie.
459
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,438
Oh! Shakespeare.
460
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:13,806
Duh. I know that.
461
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,976
Lena. Hello.
Hey.
462
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,146
I've been preparing all semester
for your visit.
463
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:23,482
Here is a written defense
of my lesson plan,
464
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,952
a schedule
of my after-school availability.
465
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,320
I'm sorry about Thursdays.
466
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,088
I have physical therapy
for a torn meniscus.
467
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,924
And before you ask,
I am not currently taking
468
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,860
[ Chuckling ]
any pain medication.
469
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,596
Oh, and, uh,
here is a full dossier
470
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:39,398
of my teaching credentials,
just in case you lost the copy
471
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,434
that you subpoenaed
last year.
472
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:45,137
[ Papers slap ]
473
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:46,973
Life's too short, man.
474
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:50,142
Seriously, I'm just stoked that
you're dedicating your life
475
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:51,944
to helping the children,
476
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,214
A.K.A., our future.
477
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,415
Is she on something?
478
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:58,050
She is, yeah.
[ Chuckling ] Oh.
479
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,619
Can it be permanent?
480
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,588
Listen, baby, you're doing
the best you can,
481
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,357
and that's all
one can ask for
482
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,959
in this crazy,
mixed-up world.
483
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:07,994
I love you.
484
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:11,998
I love you so much.
485
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,233
Okay.
486
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,868
Okay, let's boogie.
487
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,004
Uh, yeah, we have
some other teachers to meet.
488
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,372
[ Cellphone buzzing ]
489
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,240
[ Groans, clears throat ]
490
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,142
If you need to go have sex
with your girlfriend --
I don't. I don't.
491
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:26,279
I'm just saying I don't need you
to be my caretaker.
492
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:27,413
Yes, you do.
493
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,315
The universe
will look after me.
494
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,516
No, it won't.
495
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,118
[ Buzzing continues ]
496
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,552
Well, let's see.
497
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,454
I can take the call
and tell her that, once again,
498
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:38,958
I am blowing off our plans
to spend time with you
499
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,893
or I can let it
go to voicemail
500
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,429
and accept
that it's pretty much over.
501
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:45,331
[ Buzzing continues ]
502
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,934
[ Buzzing stops ]
503
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:51,170
Well, you know what they say --
"No woman, no cry."
504
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:55,141
Yeah, that's actually
not the meaning of that song.
505
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:59,245
And if you're gonna make the
rounds as a white Rasta lady,
506
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,414
you better
get it straight.
507
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,019
[ Car door closes ]
Ah.
508
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,587
I think
I'm finally not faded.
509
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,824
Wow. You even picked up
on the drug lingo.
510
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,426
I WebMD'd my symptoms,
511
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,294
and that was literally
the diagnosis.
512
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,129
[ Chuckles ]
513
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,297
There we go.
514
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:20,032
Uh, sorry we ran late.
515
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,568
It's whatever.
I literally have no life.
516
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:26,539
Okay. Well, so that --
that -- that works out.
517
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,608
I ate
all your cookie dough.
518
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,146
[ Cellphone whooshes ]
519
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,481
Oh.
520
00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:38,117
Martin, I think you just got
an inappropriate e-mail from me
521
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,586
that you should
probably delete.
522
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:41,687
Really?
523
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:42,855
I wrote it
under the influence.
524
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,391
Subject line: "Hilarious."
525
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:47,526
No, it's nau--
it's naughty.
How can I not read this right now?
526
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:49,462
It's -- No, please,
just delete it.
Oh, you're not helping your case!
527
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,197
Come on!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
528
00:18:51,197 --> 00:18:52,298
Bodysuit, huh?
529
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,499
Oh, boy.
530
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:54,634
Oh.
531
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:56,869
This is steamy.
532
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,671
You dreamt this
about us?
533
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,841
I respect your relationship
with Paige. I really do.
534
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:02,575
Oh.
535
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,143
Well, as predicted,
536
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,012
I no longer have
a relationship with Paige.
537
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,780
She dumped me
over voicemail.
538
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,081
She did?
Yeah.
539
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,751
It's pretty hard
to keep a relationship
540
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,220
when you're living
with your ex.
541
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,355
I understand.
I really do.
542
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:20,960
♪♪
543
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,762
You know...
544
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:26,632
this top is a bodysuit.
545
00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:29,635
Are you making a pass
at me?
546
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:32,238
'Cause it's not
Thursday night.
547
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:38,210
♪♪
548
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,513
[ Snaps popping ]
549
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,650
One snap left.
550
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:49,055
Maybe we revisit
that third snap
551
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:52,258
sometime when you're
a little less...irie.
552
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:55,461
[ The Foundations'
"Build Me Up Buttercup" plays ]
553
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:58,564
♪♪
554
00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:00,766
♪ Why do you build me up ♪
555
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:03,035
♪ Build me up,
buttercup, baby ♪
556
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,537
♪ Just to let me down ♪
557
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,472
♪ Let me down ♪
♪ And mess me around ♪
558
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,808
♪ And then worst of all ♪
♪ Worst of all ♪
559
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,343
♪ You never call, baby,
when you say you will ♪
560
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:13,646
♪ Say you will ♪
♪ But I love you still ♪
561
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,947
Maya:
I don't lecture you
562
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,715
about the men
that you're interested in.
563
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,284
I'm not lecturing you,
Maya.
564
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:19,719
Hey, Dad.
565
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:20,786
I'm simply pointing out
that you broke it off
566
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,021
with Sugar Beard,
567
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,156
who had a full-blown
country-music face
568
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,225
and was desperately
in love with you,
569
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,327
to date...Gene?
570
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:32,298
A cold, punishing waiter
who barely knows your name.
571
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:35,134
Uh, is this gonna wind up
being my fault?
572
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:37,103
Because I stuck around
and raised you girls.
573
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,371
If you had a daughter,
would you rather she dated
574
00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:41,841
someone like Frank
or someone like Gene?
575
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,275
Is this
a trick question?
576
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:44,577
Because I have a daughter.
577
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,978
I have two.
578
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,046
Right.
579
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,048
And do you think
that Maya sabotaged
580
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,883
a potentially great
relationship
581
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,119
in favor of
a not-so-great one
582
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,688
possibly due to
her chronic low self-esteem?
583
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,623
Fine, and do you think
that Lena is holding
584
00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:59,325
her ex-husband
emotionally hostage,
585
00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:01,227
refusing to work
on their relationship
586
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:04,263
while preventing him
from being in any others?
587
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,399
Brunch is supposed to
be relaxing.
588
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:08,868
It's Sunday.
589
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:11,170
I'm not coming to these
anymore.
590
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,638
Dad!
591
00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:14,673
Where are you going?!
We need your answer!
592
00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:15,975
Come on, Dander. Let's go.
[ Clicks tongue ]
593
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,943
He's such a coward.
594
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,879
You're a coward, Dad!
595
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,081
Brunch was great.
596
00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:23,682
Thank you!
40573
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