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Previously on "Splitting Up Together"...
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- What happened?
- We, uh...
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- Slept together.
- Who'd you have sex with?
4
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- Frank.
- Yeah, AKA Sugar Beard.
5
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Are the three of you aware
that Martin and I broke up?
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Lisa Apple, are you pregnant or not?
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I think we may have to ruin
Martin and Lena's weekend.
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Hey, Lena.
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Lena!
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Can we please talk?
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Sorry! I can't hear you!
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00:00:33,308 --> 00:00:37,505
Okay, well, how am I able to
hear you if you can't hear me?
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Hey, look, I know you
don't want to get into it,
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00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,867
but I think it would
healthy for us to have...
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A baby?
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00:00:48,477 --> 00:00:53,437
Really, Martin? A baby with Lisa Apple?
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00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,693
And what would that even
mean to the kids, to us?
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00:00:56,699 --> 00:00:59,583
- How do we explain that to people?
- I-I don't know.
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00:00:59,589 --> 00:01:03,368
- I don't know, but I-I do know...
- This is the ultimate sign,
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00:01:03,374 --> 00:01:06,220
the ultimate, giant
billboard of a sign...
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- "It's over!" "Move on!"
- I disagree. I don't want to.
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00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:15,604
And, by the way, who accidentally
gets someone pregnant at your age?
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- Did you forget how sex worked?
- Come on.
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- Did you not use birth control?
- We used birth control, okay? It's just...
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It's just...
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My guys are very dogged. You know that.
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- Milo.
- Are you seriously
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giving your sperm a
shout-out right now?
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I'm not giving them a shout-out.
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- It's more like credit where credit is...
- "Dogged"?
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You know what? They're
reckless. Every last one of 'em.
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That's their job, Lena.
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Look.
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We don't actually know if
Lisa is pregnant, right?
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Yes. Technically, we
don't know for sure.
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So, before we go making
any rash decisions
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or saying things about each other's
sperms that we can't take back,
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can we at least find out if it's true?
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- "We"?
- Me.
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00:02:01,191 --> 00:02:03,928
I promise to get to the
bottom of this, okay?
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00:02:04,538 --> 00:02:06,154
But you...
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Just don't skip ahead to the ending.
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Don't skip ahead to us ending.
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So, what, I'm supposed to just
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- sit around here and...
- Wait.
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Just wait.
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You know, I know you're
not big on waiting.
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00:02:20,570 --> 00:02:22,494
I know you like to rally the troops
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00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,439
and march them down the field, but...
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just this once...
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will you wait up for me?
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Go talk to Lisa Apple.
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I'm on it.
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♪ Keep giving me hope for a better day ♪
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♪ Keep giving me love to find a way ♪
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00:02:47,717 --> 00:02:51,897
♪ Through this heaviness
I feel, I just need ♪
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- ♪ Someone to say everything's okay ♪
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -
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♪ Everything's okay ♪
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I know, you guys.
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00:03:00,791 --> 00:03:03,515
I know, but Martin's trying.
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00:03:03,521 --> 00:03:04,978
You know who else was trying?
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00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:06,582
Toby last year.
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00:03:06,588 --> 00:03:08,496
But that didn't get him
out of the second grade.
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Harsh, but fair.
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See? That's what I'm
trying to be... fair.
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Even though every fiber of
my being is telling me to run,
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I am not doing that.
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Why? Because that's what love is...
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ignoring your own instincts
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and putting someone else's needs first.
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That's what love is?
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Well, it's open for debate,
but, yes, that's what it is.
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Pbht!
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Mason, hey! What are you doing here?
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I thought you hated crafty stuff.
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00:03:32,993 --> 00:03:35,817
I do, but Hazel's camp friends
wanted to try, so we're all here.
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- Well, tight.
- Mom.
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00:03:37,864 --> 00:03:41,333
And, Hazel, I love this new look.
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So much going on.
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It's about gloves. Okay,
darling? It's about gloves.
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- Okay, well...
- Listen.
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- No, I am.
- We all are.
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It's... it's very intriguing.
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Here... I'll set you
kids up at this table.
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And, Toby, we'll continue
our conversation...
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on love and sacrifice when I return.
87
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,090
I need more brown.
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00:04:03,096 --> 00:04:04,340
You got it.
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00:04:04,652 --> 00:04:07,494
Ah-ha! So you're a Taurus.
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00:04:07,901 --> 00:04:11,029
- I guess.
- Ah, spoken like a true Taurus.
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00:04:12,065 --> 00:04:14,017
And so, what are you?
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00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:15,551
I'll give you a hint.
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My ruler is Mars. I'm
a natural-born leader.
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00:04:17,987 --> 00:04:19,594
My element is fire.
95
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,119
I really don't follow...
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00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:24,866
Okay, I also share a star
sign with Mariah Carey,
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00:04:24,872 --> 00:04:27,735
Chance, the Rapper, and Scott Eastwood.
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00:04:28,541 --> 00:04:30,193
I basically just gave it away.
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00:04:30,921 --> 00:04:35,298
- I'm an Aries, girl!
- Oh, an Aries! Right!
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00:04:35,305 --> 00:04:38,073
- Like Scott Eastwood.
- Hell, yeah!
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Oh, man, I am...
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so stoked on you being a Taurus.
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It's like I hit the jackpot.
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You're honest, loyal.
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00:04:46,216 --> 00:04:48,027
Yes, that's me.
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00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:49,254
♪ Womp, womp, womp-womp ♪
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00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:50,870
♪ She give me what I wanna ♪
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00:04:50,876 --> 00:04:52,444
♪ Ball so hard, need a warm-up ♪
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00:04:52,450 --> 00:04:53,763
♪ I bagged her at the Walmart ♪
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- ♪ Yeah... ♪
- Wow, man. Wow!
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00:04:56,811 --> 00:04:59,131
I don't normally feel
comfortable playing favorites,
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00:04:59,137 --> 00:05:01,949
but this track is my favorite!
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00:05:01,955 --> 00:05:03,363
♪ She give me what I wanna ♪
114
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:04,981
- ♪ Ball so hard, need a warm-up ♪
- Meeting.
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00:05:04,987 --> 00:05:06,310
♪ I bagged her at the Walmart... ♪
116
00:05:06,317 --> 00:05:07,537
- Hey.
- I'm in a meeting.
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00:05:07,543 --> 00:05:09,250
Yeah, I know, but I need to talk to you.
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Come on in.
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00:05:13,554 --> 00:05:15,513
- Hey, man. I-I'm Martin.
- I'm Valee.
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00:05:15,519 --> 00:05:17,514
Uh, sorry to interrupt, um,
121
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,867
but I-I need your help with that...
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00:05:20,881 --> 00:05:24,022
that new band, The Lisa Apple Situation.
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00:05:24,028 --> 00:05:25,960
Lisa Apple's not really a band.
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00:05:25,966 --> 00:05:28,407
It's his ex-girlfriend
who might be knocked up.
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00:05:28,413 --> 00:05:30,338
- Womp, womp, womp-womp.
- Dude!
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00:05:30,344 --> 00:05:32,102
I'm just trying to be
transparent with my client.
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00:05:32,108 --> 00:05:34,025
Who knocks somebody up at your age?
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00:05:34,031 --> 00:05:35,555
My guys are very dogged.
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00:05:35,561 --> 00:05:37,017
Not me.
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00:05:37,023 --> 00:05:38,852
Super low sperm count.
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00:05:38,858 --> 00:05:40,857
So, we're just telling
Valee everything about our...
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00:05:41,077 --> 00:05:43,531
- our lives? Okay.
- Yeah.
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00:05:43,537 --> 00:05:47,385
Well, Lisa Apple is not my only problem.
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00:05:47,391 --> 00:05:49,512
Okay, I'm still trying to
patch things up with my ex-wife,
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00:05:49,518 --> 00:05:52,173
- Lena, but she's...
- Got you on hold till she figures out
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00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:55,025
what's happening with
the, uh, Apple Situation.
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00:05:55,031 --> 00:05:56,535
Hundo-P!
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00:05:56,541 --> 00:05:58,171
- Don't say that.
- Okay.
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00:05:58,177 --> 00:06:01,993
Look, I know I need to talk to
her, and I'm gonna. I am on it...
140
00:06:01,999 --> 00:06:03,731
but I'm just kind of
dreading it, you know?
141
00:06:03,737 --> 00:06:05,757
I mean, whether she is
or... or isn't pregnant,
142
00:06:05,764 --> 00:06:07,592
I know she's not gonna
be happy to see me.
143
00:06:08,825 --> 00:06:10,045
Yo. Hey!
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00:06:10,051 --> 00:06:12,255
Hey, I am baring my
soul to you right now
145
00:06:12,261 --> 00:06:13,580
and you're on your phone?
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00:06:13,662 --> 00:06:17,020
Valee is listening, and
we're not even friends.
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00:06:17,026 --> 00:06:18,336
I feel like we're friends.
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00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:20,579
- Uh, yeah...
- I am listening.
149
00:06:20,585 --> 00:06:23,620
I'm just searching Lisa
Apple's 'gram for Intel.
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00:06:24,859 --> 00:06:26,302
She just posted.
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00:06:30,047 --> 00:06:31,762
"A lot on my mind."
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00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:34,114
- She's pregnant.
- Definitely pregnant.
153
00:06:37,858 --> 00:06:39,078
You know what we should do next?
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00:06:39,295 --> 00:06:40,727
We should all paint a teapot together.
155
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,260
Then we'd have, like,
a friendship tea set.
156
00:06:43,768 --> 00:06:45,290
We're totally doing that.
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- Bible.
- Bible!
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Bible!
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Right.
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00:06:55,611 --> 00:06:57,462
What the hell?
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00:06:58,304 --> 00:07:00,174
Honey, what's going on?
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00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:03,801
- What do you mean?
- You're acting like some kind of a lap dog.
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00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:07,188
- And also, friendship tea set?
- It's fine.
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00:07:07,277 --> 00:07:09,565
I haven't seen Hazel all summer, and...
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00:07:09,571 --> 00:07:11,922
I missed her, and I'm just
trying to rekindle things.
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00:07:17,117 --> 00:07:19,169
- Are you wearing makeup?
- Mm, no.
167
00:07:19,175 --> 00:07:22,842
Okay, well, this morning, your
complexion was "Apricot Ice,"
168
00:07:22,848 --> 00:07:25,664
and now it's practically "Summer Peach."
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00:07:25,670 --> 00:07:27,180
It's tinted sunscreen.
170
00:07:27,186 --> 00:07:29,641
Look, Hazel went to André Leon Talley's
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00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:31,057
- Fashion Camp, okay?
- Okay.
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00:07:31,063 --> 00:07:33,635
And those kids are her gay bunkmates,
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00:07:33,641 --> 00:07:36,062
who, as you can see, are flawless.
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00:07:36,068 --> 00:07:38,392
Hazel, also flawless.
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00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:41,449
Me... not so flawless.
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00:07:41,455 --> 00:07:42,728
What? That's not true.
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00:07:42,737 --> 00:07:45,081
Mom, stop. I look like an old sheep dog.
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00:07:45,087 --> 00:07:46,604
More green, darling.
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00:07:46,942 --> 00:07:48,244
On it, darling!
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00:07:48,657 --> 00:07:51,215
Okay, I am not comfortable
with you changing
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who you are and
abandoning your interests
182
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,654
for some glove-wearing...
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00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:58,107
"That's what love is... putting
someone else's needs first."
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00:07:58,113 --> 00:07:59,734
Exactly. Thank you.
185
00:08:03,511 --> 00:08:05,638
What's the ETA on brown?
186
00:08:10,613 --> 00:08:11,923
Welcome back.
187
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:14,774
Will the silver fox
be joining you today?
188
00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:18,143
Oh! No, but thank you for asking.
189
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:22,068
No, I'm... I'm dining alone.
I have so much on my mind.
190
00:08:22,075 --> 00:08:24,192
Oh, I just meant do you
need the second chair?
191
00:08:24,198 --> 00:08:26,844
No, but what do I need?
192
00:08:27,580 --> 00:08:29,278
So, I-I can take the chair?
193
00:08:29,285 --> 00:08:31,605
I don't know. I don't know anything.
194
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:32,895
That's not fair. I did know.
195
00:08:32,901 --> 00:08:35,146
I knew my whole life that
I wanted to have a baby,
196
00:08:35,152 --> 00:08:36,576
and then I never met the right guy.
197
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,505
So I got a donor, and now I'm pregnant.
198
00:08:38,511 --> 00:08:39,731
I'll get a different chair.
199
00:08:39,737 --> 00:08:42,142
And then I met the silver fox,
200
00:08:42,149 --> 00:08:43,945
whose real name is Sugar Beard,
201
00:08:43,952 --> 00:08:45,848
- aka Country Music Face.
- Mm-hm.
202
00:08:45,854 --> 00:08:48,683
- And you saw him. He's so handsome.
- I did.
203
00:08:48,689 --> 00:08:50,538
And he's really into me.
204
00:08:50,544 --> 00:08:52,976
- And he values honesty.
- Mm-hm.
205
00:08:54,673 --> 00:08:56,838
I have to tell him, don't I?
206
00:08:56,844 --> 00:08:59,006
I-I mean, I don't want to, but should I?
207
00:08:59,012 --> 00:09:01,351
I-I'm just... I'm afraid
that I'm gonna scare him off!
208
00:09:01,365 --> 00:09:03,705
Based on this interaction,
I'm thinking you will.
209
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:06,648
Do you know how to act normal or...?
210
00:09:06,654 --> 00:09:08,300
What happened to the bread guy?
211
00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,598
- He seemed nicer.
- Look...
212
00:09:09,604 --> 00:09:11,101
why not just tell him what's going on
213
00:09:11,107 --> 00:09:12,762
and say that you're asking for a friend
214
00:09:12,768 --> 00:09:15,002
and that you want his thoughts
on what the friend should do?
215
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,033
Are you kidding? That's your advice?
216
00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:19,361
Because anyone who's
attended middle school
217
00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:21,708
knows that when you say
you're "asking for a friend,"
218
00:09:21,714 --> 00:09:23,405
you're asking for yourself.
219
00:09:23,411 --> 00:09:25,341
Yeah, but that's only because
people don't put enough
220
00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:26,940
thought into a credible backstory.
221
00:09:26,946 --> 00:09:28,370
You really have to flesh out the friend
222
00:09:28,376 --> 00:09:29,605
if you want someone to buy it.
223
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:32,150
- No. That's never worked.
- Wrong.
224
00:09:32,157 --> 00:09:33,892
This saved my friend Jonas' marriage.
225
00:09:33,899 --> 00:09:35,781
- Oh, come on.
- Yeah. I've known him since college.
226
00:09:35,787 --> 00:09:38,237
Good guy, lives in Encino,
married his high-school sweetheart,
227
00:09:38,243 --> 00:09:41,582
but two kids later, their
love life goes kaput.
228
00:09:41,589 --> 00:09:43,313
So, he asks "for a friend"
229
00:09:43,319 --> 00:09:45,243
if she thinks introducing a third party
230
00:09:45,249 --> 00:09:46,568
might spice things up.
231
00:09:47,307 --> 00:09:48,740
And what did the wife say?
232
00:09:48,747 --> 00:09:50,443
The wife doesn't exist.
233
00:09:50,449 --> 00:09:52,108
Neither does Jonas. That's my point.
234
00:09:52,114 --> 00:09:53,714
Work on your backstory.
235
00:09:57,314 --> 00:09:59,586
Mae Day, what's all this?
236
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,383
Presentation for Bio.
237
00:10:01,979 --> 00:10:03,348
Oh, word?
238
00:10:04,054 --> 00:10:05,545
Talk me in.
239
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,196
Tell me all the deets,
240
00:10:08,202 --> 00:10:11,166
or as a scientist
would say, the details.
241
00:10:11,868 --> 00:10:13,187
It's about how baby boomers
242
00:10:13,193 --> 00:10:14,929
ruined the planet for future generations
243
00:10:14,935 --> 00:10:16,964
by ignoring the clear
signs of global warming.
244
00:10:16,970 --> 00:10:18,210
Ah-ha!
245
00:10:18,513 --> 00:10:20,038
They totally did.
246
00:10:22,313 --> 00:10:24,212
I created a CGI animation
247
00:10:24,218 --> 00:10:26,676
showing the decades of
changing weather patterns.
248
00:10:27,389 --> 00:10:28,694
Wow.
249
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,758
So you just banged this
whole thing out, huh?
250
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,346
You're really on it.
251
00:10:32,352 --> 00:10:34,901
You know, sometimes, I-I
say that I'm on it, but...
252
00:10:34,907 --> 00:10:36,718
honestly, I'm nowhere near it.
253
00:10:36,724 --> 00:10:39,071
- Okay?
- And I'm sure you're not dying to do it.
254
00:10:39,077 --> 00:10:41,206
- I actually really need to...
- You just rolled up your sleeves
255
00:10:41,213 --> 00:10:44,770
and handled your business
like a grown-ass man.
256
00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:46,721
I don't think we have
to assign a gender to it,
257
00:10:46,727 --> 00:10:48,528
but yes, I did.
258
00:10:48,534 --> 00:10:50,605
Procrastination is for losers.
259
00:10:51,072 --> 00:10:52,322
"Losers"?
260
00:10:52,612 --> 00:10:54,156
Losers.
261
00:10:54,162 --> 00:10:57,624
Cowards. Weaklings. Little babies.
262
00:10:57,630 --> 00:10:58,850
The elderly.
263
00:10:58,856 --> 00:11:02,420
If there's a task at hand,
just get to it. Right?
264
00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:04,040
Right.
265
00:11:06,773 --> 00:11:08,105
Okay.
266
00:11:08,388 --> 00:11:09,693
Thank you.
267
00:11:10,715 --> 00:11:12,058
Hey, Mason?!
268
00:11:12,064 --> 00:11:15,522
I found a blending egg in the bathroom
269
00:11:15,528 --> 00:11:17,441
- of the shop, and...
- Mine.
270
00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:18,945
Just leave it in my room, please.
271
00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:20,876
Oh. Okay, will do!
272
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,521
But, Mason, I've been thinking.
273
00:11:23,528 --> 00:11:25,976
- I know you want to impress Hazel...
- Yep.
274
00:11:25,982 --> 00:11:28,582
and I just want to make sure
275
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,716
you don't lose sight of
yourself in the process.
276
00:11:30,722 --> 00:11:31,943
I won't.
277
00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:34,489
Okay, 'cause it's just... it...
278
00:11:34,495 --> 00:11:35,914
You've been a little...
279
00:11:43,425 --> 00:11:44,742
Why?
280
00:11:45,142 --> 00:11:46,461
And how?
281
00:11:46,467 --> 00:11:47,795
But mostly why.
282
00:11:47,801 --> 00:11:49,305
Guilty of the "how,"
283
00:11:49,312 --> 00:11:52,165
but I'm pretty sure the
"why" speaks for itself.
284
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:53,588
Don't you love?
285
00:11:53,594 --> 00:11:56,270
Um... well...
286
00:11:56,276 --> 00:11:57,497
I know. Me, too.
287
00:11:57,503 --> 00:11:59,512
I mean, no offense, but I kind of
288
00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:01,736
never really got Mason
before, but this...
289
00:12:01,742 --> 00:12:03,764
this is just mm, mm, mm, mm, mwah!
290
00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:05,912
Totally, but this is
all reversible, right?
291
00:12:06,027 --> 00:12:08,908
Whoa. You look beat to hell.
292
00:12:09,117 --> 00:12:12,192
That's kind of what
I was wanting to say.
293
00:12:13,178 --> 00:12:14,721
Mason, it's too much.
294
00:12:14,727 --> 00:12:17,054
Really? I think it's super subtle.
295
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:20,591
He looks like a plastic
surgeon from the 1970s.
296
00:12:20,597 --> 00:12:22,297
As long as Hazel likes it, I don't care.
297
00:12:22,303 --> 00:12:24,226
See? That's fascinating to me, son.
298
00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:26,281
That's what I want to explore.
299
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,715
It's clear you want Hazel to want you,
300
00:12:28,721 --> 00:12:32,466
but do you even want her if
it means keeping up all this?
301
00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:35,342
- Mom, yes. I'm in love with Hazel.
- He's deeply in love with her.
302
00:12:35,349 --> 00:12:36,569
Are you, though?
303
00:12:36,764 --> 00:12:42,167
Or are you in love with the idea
of her being in love with you?
304
00:12:42,173 --> 00:12:44,418
- No, I'm in actual deep love with her.
- I'm so confused right now.
305
00:12:44,425 --> 00:12:45,645
Shh, shh, shh.
306
00:12:45,736 --> 00:12:47,978
I think I'm figuring
something out about myself.
307
00:12:52,656 --> 00:12:54,572
- Ugh.
- I know.
308
00:12:54,578 --> 00:12:56,616
I know you don't want to see me.
309
00:12:56,725 --> 00:12:58,649
Trust me. I've stalled
as long as I could
310
00:12:58,655 --> 00:13:01,899
to avoid putting that
exact look on your face.
311
00:13:01,905 --> 00:13:04,064
Well, sorry about my face.
312
00:13:04,070 --> 00:13:05,389
- Bye.
- No, look.
313
00:13:05,395 --> 00:13:08,021
Lisa, I'm sure I'm the last
person you want to talk to.
314
00:13:08,027 --> 00:13:10,063
Actually, you were the first
person I wanted to talk to
315
00:13:10,069 --> 00:13:12,905
when I left your house that
night half-naked and crying.
316
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,559
But I never heard from you.
317
00:13:14,565 --> 00:13:17,292
Right, so then I became the last person
318
00:13:17,298 --> 00:13:19,946
- like I was originally saying.
- Just...
319
00:13:19,952 --> 00:13:23,400
And, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Look, forget it. Lisa.
320
00:13:23,839 --> 00:13:27,378
I heard something about
you, potentially about us.
321
00:13:28,287 --> 00:13:30,020
And if it's true,
322
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,681
I-I want to be there to...
323
00:13:33,586 --> 00:13:35,200
see you through.
324
00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:37,264
See me through?
325
00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:40,013
Are you pregnant?
326
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,946
I'm not doing this!
327
00:13:42,047 --> 00:13:44,108
You don't get to come here
and ask me your questions
328
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,915
- when you haven't answered any of mine.
- Okay.
329
00:13:45,921 --> 00:13:48,133
No, I... Hey, I get that. That's fair.
330
00:13:48,554 --> 00:13:50,177
What are your questions?
331
00:13:52,612 --> 00:13:54,448
Did you sleep with your ex-wife?
332
00:13:54,454 --> 00:13:56,274
Wow, just... just s-starting off
333
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:57,911
- with the big one, huh?
- Did you?
334
00:14:01,764 --> 00:14:03,195
I did, yeah.
335
00:14:04,173 --> 00:14:06,088
Well, that sucks.
336
00:14:08,561 --> 00:14:11,214
So, I was right about you
still having feelings for her.
337
00:14:11,795 --> 00:14:13,117
You were right.
338
00:14:15,242 --> 00:14:16,747
So you admit you lied?
339
00:14:16,753 --> 00:14:17,973
Lisa...
340
00:14:17,979 --> 00:14:19,199
Did you also lie about
341
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,544
being able to do two-finger
pushups like Bruce Lee?
342
00:14:21,551 --> 00:14:23,745
No! I used to be able
to do those in college.
343
00:14:23,751 --> 00:14:26,464
I swear! This guy Dan has a tape.
344
00:14:29,916 --> 00:14:32,071
So, are you and Lena
getting back together?
345
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,417
I guess it depends.
346
00:14:36,899 --> 00:14:39,750
- Can I ask you a question now?
- Negative.
347
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,384
Test was negative, so
you're off the hook.
348
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,440
So, you're not pregnant?
349
00:14:44,446 --> 00:14:47,368
Nope. So, there's no
reason for you to be here.
350
00:14:47,674 --> 00:14:48,927
I guess not.
351
00:14:50,577 --> 00:14:52,849
I have one more question.
352
00:14:56,743 --> 00:14:59,069
Do you think you could ever forgive me?
353
00:15:03,208 --> 00:15:04,443
Everything okay?
354
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,065
Yeah, yeah.
355
00:15:06,271 --> 00:15:07,898
Talk to me, girl. What's wrong?
356
00:15:07,968 --> 00:15:10,516
Well... it's just...
357
00:15:12,132 --> 00:15:15,498
You know my friend Karen,
my best friend since I was 9?
358
00:15:15,504 --> 00:15:16,829
I think I've told you about her before.
359
00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:20,896
She's allergic to stone fruit,
and she was in the Air Force.
360
00:15:22,829 --> 00:15:25,171
- Capricorn?
- Oh, yeah.
361
00:15:25,248 --> 00:15:27,606
Yeah, I think I remember
Karen. Yeah. How is she doing?
362
00:15:27,612 --> 00:15:30,458
Not good. See, Karen always
wanted to have a baby,
363
00:15:30,464 --> 00:15:32,098
but she never met the right guy.
364
00:15:32,104 --> 00:15:34,597
- Not even in the Air Force?
- No.
365
00:15:34,909 --> 00:15:40,178
So, she decided to use a donor,
which I really admire. Don't you?
366
00:15:40,184 --> 00:15:43,040
Oh, yeah! Totally. I mean, she
took fate into her own hands.
367
00:15:43,046 --> 00:15:44,874
Yes, she did! Yes, that's right,
368
00:15:44,885 --> 00:15:46,190
and it's just so Karen
369
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,034
- if you know her, and I do.
- Mm.
370
00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:49,435
Here's the rub...
371
00:15:49,441 --> 00:15:51,882
a week after she finds
out she's pregnant,
372
00:15:51,981 --> 00:15:54,922
she meets this really great guy.
373
00:15:54,928 --> 00:15:56,449
Ooh, plot twist.
374
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,080
And now she's like, "Maya,
375
00:15:58,086 --> 00:16:00,098
my best friend since I was 9,
376
00:16:00,104 --> 00:16:02,260
do you think that I should tell him?
377
00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:04,812
Do you think that he's
gonna break up with me?"
378
00:16:04,972 --> 00:16:08,226
What do you think, you know,
just from a guy's perspective?
379
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:09,453
Honestly?
380
00:16:09,827 --> 00:16:11,288
He's definitely gonna dump her.
381
00:16:11,474 --> 00:16:12,891
When Jasper was born,
382
00:16:12,897 --> 00:16:15,005
that little creature just took over...
383
00:16:15,011 --> 00:16:16,641
the bed, the boob. I...
384
00:16:16,648 --> 00:16:19,696
It was all diapers. No date nights.
385
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,914
That's a lot to ask of the average guy,
386
00:16:22,090 --> 00:16:24,767
and add the fact that
it's not even his baby.
387
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:26,799
Karen doesn't stand a chance.
388
00:16:26,806 --> 00:16:28,489
Mm. She's gonna need our support,
389
00:16:28,495 --> 00:16:29,952
so I definitely want to meet her.
390
00:16:29,958 --> 00:16:32,268
If not tonight, some other time.
391
00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:34,524
You want to meet Karen?
392
00:16:35,938 --> 00:16:39,033
He's been like this
for hours, and watch.
393
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:42,868
Mason? Can I put another
puppy sticker on your face?
394
00:16:42,956 --> 00:16:45,313
If it's okay, just say nothing.
395
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,133
What's wrong with you? Stop doing that.
396
00:16:53,324 --> 00:16:56,567
Mason, sweetheart, what happened?
397
00:16:56,573 --> 00:16:59,226
I did everything she
wanted. It didn't matter.
398
00:16:59,296 --> 00:17:01,040
She snapshattered my heart.
399
00:17:03,304 --> 00:17:05,849
"All these weights,
but we didn't work out."
400
00:17:05,855 --> 00:17:07,362
Oh, that's pretty clever.
401
00:17:07,368 --> 00:17:10,331
"Clever"? It's not clever. It's cruel.
402
00:17:10,337 --> 00:17:12,398
You know, things can be both.
403
00:17:13,694 --> 00:17:16,107
Mason, honey, I know you're hurting,
404
00:17:16,113 --> 00:17:19,777
and I know things seem scary,
but you don't have to be afraid.
405
00:17:20,198 --> 00:17:23,855
This is your chance to
figure out who you are
406
00:17:23,861 --> 00:17:27,085
outside the confines of a relationship.
407
00:17:28,028 --> 00:17:30,986
You've spent so much time...
408
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:34,951
- taking care of everyone else.
- I have?
409
00:17:34,957 --> 00:17:39,729
And now it's time for you
to try to take care of you.
410
00:17:39,735 --> 00:17:41,976
Nurture your own interests.
411
00:17:41,982 --> 00:17:43,982
Maybe learn to play an instrument.
412
00:17:43,988 --> 00:17:45,654
- I play piano.
- Or travel.
413
00:17:45,661 --> 00:17:47,370
You've always wanted to see Europe.
414
00:17:47,376 --> 00:17:48,643
I'm a high-school student.
415
00:17:48,649 --> 00:17:52,351
♪ Hey, lady, you, lady ♪
416
00:17:52,357 --> 00:17:55,414
♪ Cursing at your life ♪
417
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:59,726
♪ You're a discontented mother ♪
418
00:17:59,893 --> 00:18:03,360
♪ And a regimented wife ♪
419
00:18:03,366 --> 00:18:05,286
Okay, she's definitely
talking to herself again.
420
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:09,345
♪ I've been to paradise ♪
421
00:18:09,351 --> 00:18:14,787
♪ But I've never been to me ♪
422
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,531
Are you having a nervous breakdown?
423
00:18:24,466 --> 00:18:25,701
Lena?
424
00:18:27,097 --> 00:18:28,432
Hey, babe...
425
00:18:28,438 --> 00:18:30,972
good news... I spoke to Lisa Apple.
426
00:18:35,121 --> 00:18:36,342
No.
427
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,476
No, no, you promised. You promised.
428
00:18:38,482 --> 00:18:39,886
- You said that you would wait.
- Martin.
429
00:18:39,892 --> 00:18:42,348
Lisa is not pregnant, okay?
430
00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:45,084
- There's no obstacle other than...
- Me.
431
00:18:45,289 --> 00:18:47,729
I'll just go right
back to the way I was.
432
00:18:48,033 --> 00:18:49,449
I'll put you first.
433
00:18:49,455 --> 00:18:51,501
I will put you first, too.
434
00:18:51,778 --> 00:18:53,974
Okay, I will put you wherever you want.
435
00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:56,166
You just have to just let
me know where to put you.
436
00:18:56,172 --> 00:18:57,650
I don't want to have to tell you.
437
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:01,612
And trust me... eventually,
you won't want to be told!
438
00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:03,169
But I don't understand.
439
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:05,417
You know, everything was fine.
We were getting along great.
440
00:19:05,423 --> 00:19:06,822
We... we just had our honeymoon.
441
00:19:06,828 --> 00:19:08,930
Right, and at some
point, the honeymoon ends
442
00:19:08,936 --> 00:19:10,705
and we're back to the day-to-day,
443
00:19:10,712 --> 00:19:14,713
and... and if I'm being honest...
444
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,655
What?
445
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:22,616
I spent so long wishing
that you still wanted me,
446
00:19:22,622 --> 00:19:27,292
I think I lost sight of whether
or not I still wanted you.
447
00:19:30,425 --> 00:19:32,790
Okay. Wow.
448
00:19:33,677 --> 00:19:34,998
Like...
449
00:19:35,244 --> 00:19:38,055
Seriously, wow.
450
00:19:38,061 --> 00:19:41,536
Martin, you're the one
who has to wait now.
451
00:19:42,071 --> 00:19:46,231
You have to be patient. I-I
can't just let you choose me.
452
00:19:46,305 --> 00:19:49,466
I need to know that
I'm also choosing you.
453
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,121
You know what?
454
00:19:51,288 --> 00:19:53,961
After 16 years of marriage
and this half-assed divorce,
455
00:19:53,967 --> 00:19:55,896
if you still don't know
how you feel about me,
456
00:19:55,902 --> 00:19:58,712
then... oh, my God, you
nutbag... you never will!
457
00:19:58,718 --> 00:20:02,072
- Martin.
- No, there's nothing left to discuss here, Lena.
458
00:20:02,270 --> 00:20:04,422
This little experiment is over.
459
00:20:04,428 --> 00:20:06,751
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means that...
460
00:20:06,757 --> 00:20:08,493
I want out of this arrangement.
461
00:20:09,717 --> 00:20:11,133
I want to sell the house.
462
00:20:20,601 --> 00:20:27,492
♪ One of us is changing, or
maybe we just stopped trying ♪
463
00:20:29,676 --> 00:20:33,684
So, it looks like Lisa
Apple isn't pregnant.
464
00:20:33,746 --> 00:20:35,266
Good.
465
00:20:36,076 --> 00:20:37,931
Cute-ass baby, though.
466
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:40,057
Little head, big glasses.
467
00:20:40,159 --> 00:20:42,396
At least Lena and Martin are back on.
468
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:45,618
No, looks like that's
not happening, either.
469
00:20:45,624 --> 00:20:47,745
Aw. What a bummer.
470
00:20:47,751 --> 00:20:49,497
You know what's not a bummer?
471
00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:59,868
I feel like I should
like it more than I do.
472
00:20:59,945 --> 00:21:01,165
You sure?
473
00:21:01,171 --> 00:21:03,501
'Cause I'm really
feeling myself right now.
474
00:21:03,507 --> 00:21:06,658
- Really?
- Yeah, I feel like a member of the Night's Watch.
475
00:21:06,664 --> 00:21:09,935
You look like Count Chocula.
It's a nonstarter for me.
476
00:21:10,341 --> 00:21:11,773
You want to have sex?
477
00:21:11,779 --> 00:21:13,405
It might change your mind.
478
00:21:15,029 --> 00:21:18,318
- Pants off, cape on. Yeah.
- Okay, they're leather. I need your help.
35386
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