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1
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,369
Adult mark (v.O.): I wanted to be a performer so bad
2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,038
I could taste it.
3
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,440
Whenever a show was in town, I volunteered to tear tickets
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,175
Just to soak it all in.
5
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,643
[laughter]
6
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,912
Adult mark (v.O.): But there was nothing like seeing
7
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,313
Live comedy for the first time.
8
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,448
The set up...
9
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,851
-This is a beautiful theatre.
10
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,985
I love playing here.
11
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,589
It reminds me
a lot of my own home.
12
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,858
It's filthy
and full of strangers!
13
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:26,925
[laughter]
14
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,726
Adult mark (v.O.): The pay-off!
15
00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:30,595
It was just him and a microphone,
16
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,664
But he had the whole room in his hand.
17
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,701
-Talk about luck.
I mean, luck, I have no luck!
18
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:39,104
The other day I prayed to god,
I said, "please, god.
19
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,473
"please let me win the lottery."
20
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:44,275
And nothing. Then this morning,
on my way to the work,
21
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:46,411
I actually cried out
to the heavens, I said,
22
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,815
"please, god!
Let me win the lottery!"
23
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:53,118
Then the clouds parted,
and this light shone down,
24
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,752
And this booming voice said,
25
00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:57,689
"ted! Meet me half way!
26
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:58,957
"buy a ticket!"
27
00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:01,693
[laughter and applause]
28
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,896
Take care of yourselves,
everybody!
29
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,230
And each other!
30
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,965
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen!
31
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,433
Thank you!
32
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,569
[applause and cheering]
33
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,636
-Woo!
34
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:12,971
Yeah!
35
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:18,577
♪
36
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,780
Adult mark (v.O.): All my life, I'd looked up to comedians.
37
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,116
But I'd never actually met one before.
38
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,317
[knocks on door]
39
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,752
-Mr. Turpin?
40
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:29,121
-Entréz vous!
41
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,189
-Uh...
42
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,457
I'm a huge fan, sir.
43
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,726
I watched both shows,
the matinee and the evening,
44
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,529
And you were amazing.
45
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:38,930
-Thanks.
46
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:41,166
-Could you sign my poster?
47
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,367
-Uh...
48
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,668
What's your name, kid?
49
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,404
-Mark.
50
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,673
Uh, I'm a comedian too.
51
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,375
-Well, if you got jokes,
you should, uh, tell 'em
52
00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:52,945
To the open mic tomorrow
afternoon at the strand lounge.
53
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:53,846
-Really?
54
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,680
-Yeah, I'm trying out
some new material,
55
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:58,884
Uh, so I kinda need someone
to make me look good.
56
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,352
You're underage, yeah?
57
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,820
You're not just malnourished?
58
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,355
-Oh, I'm 14.
59
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,757
-Okay, well, make sure
your parents know, okay?
60
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:09,027
It's a bar, so you get
a note or something, alright?
61
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:09,895
There you go.
62
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:12,497
-Thank you.
I'll be there.
63
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,865
Adult mark (v.O.):
I knew two things.
64
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,833
I was going to take to that stage,
65
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,436
And I was not going to tell my parents.
66
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,844
[sound of tv playing]
67
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:29,948
-Hey! Outta my chair
before I throw you out.
68
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,150
-Pop, she's pregnant!
69
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,052
-Well, then,
I'm gonna need help.
70
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,654
-It's really good for my back.
71
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,121
-Ah, yes.
72
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,723
It's nice and solid.
73
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,660
It's wonderful
for people with bad backs.
74
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:42,995
-Mm-hm.
75
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:46,832
[sound of tv playing]
76
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,336
Pop: That girl is not
even gonna budge.
77
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:52,737
She's like a beached whale.
78
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:54,872
And he's not even
the kid's father!
79
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:58,543
-I feel for her,
but she's here day and night.
80
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,478
I mean, don't she got a family?
81
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,547
Even et phoned home.
82
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,081
-She's nesting.
-What?
83
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,750
-Full-on nesting!
84
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:08,420
Oh, I had the same problem with
shrews in the attic one winter.
85
00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:11,089
Once they move in,
you can't get 'em out.
86
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,091
They pick a corner,
87
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,760
And they'll live there...
88
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,695
Forever!
89
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,497
-She is getting so familiar.
90
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:19,932
I don't know what to say!
91
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,266
-I can't eat.
92
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,634
My back hurts too much.
93
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,502
I think I'm gonna have a bath.
94
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,371
-Oh, hey, mom's got
some special shampoo!
95
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,306
I'll go grab it for you.
96
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,578
-She has got to go!
97
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:37,181
Adult mark (v.O.):
How does a boy ditch school
98
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:38,383
To perform in a bar?
99
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,718
I had a plan.
100
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,119
[electric pencil sharpener
whirring]
101
00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:44,856
-Hello, ms. Macdonald.
You are looking lovely today.
102
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,792
Is that a new blouse?
103
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,660
Could I make
a last-minute addition
104
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,262
To the announcement sheet?
105
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,397
Not for me, of course,
but for ms. Fowler.
106
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,466
She asked me to.
107
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,867
The poor woman is swamped.
108
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:00,739
[announcement beep]
109
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,674
Mr. Chafe: [pa]
the st. Bridget's crusaders
110
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,410
Will be playing the st. Teresa's trojans
111
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,512
In boys' hockey, Saturday.
112
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,414
Good luck to them.
113
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:12,284
And would mark critch please come to the office?
114
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,085
Students: Ooh!
115
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,221
Adult mark (v.O.): Freedom. It was a jailbreak.
116
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,622
Who needed school, anyway?
117
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,458
I was a professional comedian.
118
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,497
-Can you change the channel?
119
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,265
Mike jr: I got it, babe.
120
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,567
Pop: Huh...?
121
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,635
Linda: Can you get me
another slice of bologna?
122
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,704
-Alright, alright,
you're not expecting twins.
123
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,939
-Hey, mom, can you get linda
another slice of bologna?
124
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:36,641
-Where are you going?
-The station.
125
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,209
I got afternoon drive till six.
126
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:39,644
-Oh!
127
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,480
Well, you'll-- you'll be
going with him, then, huh?
128
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,115
-Nah, I think I'll just
wait here 'til he gets back.
129
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,851
Mike jr: You know, I'm only
gonna be a couple hours.
130
00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:48,520
Pop: Oh...
[disappointed] aw...
131
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,191
Linda: Ugh, what's that smell?
132
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,693
-Supper.
133
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,294
-The smell is
making me nauseous.
134
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:57,662
Can someone open a window?
135
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,664
-What smell?
I'm boiling potatoes!
136
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,601
Adult mark (v.O.):
The strand lounge.
137
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,872
Where people came to drown their sorrows.
138
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,140
To be drunk at this hour meant you'd either
139
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:12,444
Started way too early, or you woke up there.
140
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,579
My diet cola stood out more than my age.
141
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,348
[sports game playing on tv]
142
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:19,151
Ted: Hey!
You made it.
143
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:21,119
-Hi.
144
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,754
Interesting spot.
145
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,022
-Yeah.
146
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:27,359
Best to make your mistakes
where nobody will remember them.
147
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,093
So you got your note?
148
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,028
-Oh, yes, of course.
149
00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:33,098
-Okay.
150
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,232
Hey...
151
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,500
You wrote this.
152
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,903
-Well, I--
-ahh... I don't wanna know.
153
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,906
This is, uh,
from the kid's parents.
154
00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,974
Okay...
155
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,642
You ready?
156
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,312
-[ice cubes clink]
-liquid courage.
157
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,213
[ted chuckles]
158
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,186
Hello!
159
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,853
Ladies and gentlemen.
160
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,856
How's everyone
doing this afternoon?
161
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:00,692
[mic feedback]
162
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:01,726
Ted: Ah...
163
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,161
[someone clears throat]
164
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,797
I love this place. It actually
reminds me of my own home.
165
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:09,066
You know, it's filthy
and it's full of strangers.
166
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:11,369
Adult mark (v.O.): That joke had killed in the theatre!
167
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:12,871
But here, among the day drinking
168
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,807
And the hum of the cooler, it fell flatter than my cola.
169
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:18,076
Woman: [aussie accent]
oi, yes, I would like
170
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,077
A cab at the strand.
171
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,881
-Yeah, you mind callin' me one?
172
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,951
Just so I can drive it
into the ocean?
173
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:27,018
Okay, okay.
174
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,619
So, what I'm gonna do
175
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,755
Is I'm gonna
warm you all up right now
176
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,024
With a hot young comedian, okay?
177
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,494
So, it's his first time
performing at the strand.
178
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:38,629
Please put your hands
together for mark...
179
00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:41,400
Uh, uh,
what's your name again, kid?
180
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,734
-Critch.
181
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:43,769
-Right, right!
Mark critch!
182
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,238
Let's hear it for him!
[clapping]
183
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,439
[scattered light applause]
184
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,040
Adult mark (v.O.):
My heart was pounding,
185
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,843
My stomach swirled, and I immediately had to pee.
186
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,712
All the moisture left my mouth
187
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,580
And went straight to my bladder.
188
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:59,617
I'd been on stage before, but this was the big leagues.
189
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,686
-Uh, hello.
190
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:04,389
My name is mark.
191
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:07,459
I'm 14.
192
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,861
I-I cut school to be here.
193
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,863
We're learning
about the ozone layer.
194
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:13,931
They've found
the biggest hole yet.
195
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,733
It's an even bigger hole
than this place!
196
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,302
[pool cue hits ball]
197
00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:19,537
[silence]
198
00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:23,608
I heard they're making
an electric car.
199
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,578
An electric car, folks!
200
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,213
I hear it's gonna cost $30,000.
201
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,682
Ten thousand for the car,
202
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,417
20,000 for the extension cord.
203
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,753
[silence]
204
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,425
Uh, where are you from, ma'am?
205
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:43,428
-Huh?
-Uh, I said where are you from?
206
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,230
-St. John's.
207
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:46,430
-Right.
208
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,099
And what do you do for work?
209
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,301
-I lost my job.
210
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:53,671
[sound of pool and pinball]
211
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,741
[mark chuckles and whistles]
212
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,576
Adult mark (v.O.): I couldn't have bombed bigger
213
00:07:58,612 --> 00:07:59,711
If I was oppenheimer.
214
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:02,581
-Thank you.
Um, you've been a great crowd.
215
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:06,918
[scattered applause]
216
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,853
-Hey, kid.
217
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,388
Don't worry about your set.
218
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:11,856
You'll get 'em next time.
219
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:15,059
-Oh, really? Next time?
That was humiliating.
220
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:17,795
-No, you've gotta get
right back on the horse.
221
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,332
Why don't you come back
tomorrow for cabaret night?
222
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,736
-Really? You think
I'm good enough to come back?
223
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:28,373
-Well, no, but I had
a guy just drop out.
224
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,574
Look.
225
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,977
Stop trying to be
johnny carson, okay?
226
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,678
We already got one of those.
227
00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,880
Just be yourself, okay?
228
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:39,517
I want to know who you are.
229
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:42,086
-Who I really am.
230
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,220
Got it.
231
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:47,291
-Uh, no, no, I mean,
I want to know who you are.
232
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,727
I forget your name again.
233
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:51,029
-Oh! Oh.
Mark critch.
234
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,630
-Oh, okay.
235
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,433
Okay, give it up
for mark critch,
236
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,702
Ladies and gentlemen!
[clapping]
237
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,037
[scattered light applause]
238
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,177
Adult mark (v.O.):
Ted told me to mine comedy
239
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,178
From my own life.
240
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,780
But what was so funny about my family?
241
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,648
-I share a room
with my grandfather.
242
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:13,585
"pop," I said,
"you're snoring."
243
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,921
And he told me...
244
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,457
[mimicking pop]
"well, I'm not snoring!
245
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,459
"I'm dreaming I'm a motorcycle."
246
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,928
[imaginary laughter]
247
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,330
And there's no privacy.
248
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:28,867
I mean, I lock the door
for two seconds and he's all,
249
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:32,671
"open up! Locked doors are
for prisoners and perverts!"
250
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,739
[imaginary laughter]
251
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,474
I've been mark critch,
252
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,943
And you've been a great crowd.
253
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,543
[imaginary cheering
and applause]
254
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,479
Oh, that's too much!
Aw, thank you.
255
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:42,580
[knock on door]
256
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:43,815
Pop: [muffled]
hey, open up!
257
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,217
Locked doors are for
prisoners and perverts!
258
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,086
-Yep. One sec.
259
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,558
Adult mark (v.O.): My familywas both a source of characters
260
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,393
And costumes.
261
00:09:58,498 --> 00:09:59,964
Pop: Hey...
262
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:02,967
Wha...?
263
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,236
Well, where's all my shirts?
264
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,908
Adult mark (v.O.):
They say "write what you know,"
265
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,375
And if there was one thing I knew,
266
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,911
It was being embarrassed by my parents.
267
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:18,383
♪
268
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:20,051
[front door shuts]
269
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:26,992
[loud slurping]
270
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,063
-Linda.
You're still here.
271
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,465
-Ah...
272
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,566
Too sick to move.
273
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:36,934
[ominous music]
274
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,403
Adult mark (v.O.):
Mom could take almost anything,
275
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,272
Except for a wet spoon in the sugar bowl.
276
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,608
-Do you have any fresh milk?
277
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,411
I don't really like
the tinned stuff.
278
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:49,414
[ominous music]
279
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:50,448
[fridge slams]
280
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,749
Mary: Where do you get off?
281
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,618
I am not your maid, missy!
282
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,619
In this house,
we get up off the couch
283
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:56,955
And get things ourselves!
284
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,789
-That's what I'm doing.
-Except for tea!
285
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,191
I gets the tea around here!
286
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,694
You're making your own milk.
Drink that!
287
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,495
-Oh, I'm so sorry, mrs. Critch.
288
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:08,032
I guess maybe I just like the
feeling of being babied myself
289
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,034
Before I gotta go off
and have one.
290
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,336
-Where is your own mother to?
291
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,772
-She's, um...
292
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,774
Not around, so...
293
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:16,974
I dunno.
294
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:20,311
-Sit down, girl.
295
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:26,251
[sighs]
296
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,919
My mother wasn't around either.
297
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:31,656
I had to figure it all out
on my own, too.
298
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,858
-God, I got a million questions.
299
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:37,828
-Well, you can ask me
any questions you got.
300
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:41,199
-How did you raise
such a good kid as mike?
301
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,266
-Mike?
302
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,335
Good?
303
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,337
Oh, I suppose...
304
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,806
Well, he's always
been a sweet boy.
305
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:51,676
-Honest to god,
if it wasn't for him...
306
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:55,012
I don't know what I'd do.
307
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,817
I meant to tell mike
right away on our first date,
308
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:01,952
But I thought it would
just be one date, y'know?
309
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:04,555
I just wanted one normal night.
310
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:07,825
I mean, when was I ever
gonna have that again?
311
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,694
But... He was so sweet.
312
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,764
I wanted one more...
313
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,432
And then another.
314
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:18,536
And when I got so big,
I had to tell him...
315
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,037
He didn't care.
316
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,306
He just said,
"that don't change a thing."
317
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,845
If my kid turns out
half as good as mike,
318
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,612
I'll be over the moon.
319
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,049
-Well...
320
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:36,487
He still leaves his drawers
everywhere, so he's not perfect.
321
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,926
But I loves him.
322
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:45,396
And once you're a mother,
you'll see.
323
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,900
Your family will be
your whole world.
324
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,535
Mike sr: Mary,
where's my jacket?
325
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,070
Oh, look up your arse!
326
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,405
Your head's already up there!
327
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,741
[linda laughs]
328
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,409
I'll put the kettle back on.
329
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,244
[both laugh]
330
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:08,552
-Mike, another psa's come in.
331
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:11,021
-Gertie, if I told you once,
I told you a thousand times.
332
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,490
The cut-off for the psas
is at 3 o'clock.
333
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:15,726
-I know, but I thought
you'd wanna read that one,
334
00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:17,061
Seeing it's--
335
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,031
-And now your vocm cares
public service announcements.
336
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,766
Drive-in bingo is as go
at st. Kevin's,
337
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,569
With plenty of parking so every
player gets a "free space."
338
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,571
St. Teresa's is holding
a flea market Sunday
339
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:27,905
From noon to three.
340
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,440
And the rnc
are holding a moose dinner
341
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,575
At the legion
Saturday night.
342
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:33,110
And tonight at the strand lounge
there's a cabaret
343
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,713
Hosted by ted turpin,
with the mccarthy sisters,
344
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,582
Al clouston, mark critch,
345
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,317
The clancy dancers, and more.
346
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,452
Show time for that is 7 o'clock.
347
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,521
That's your vocm
community calendar.
348
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,456
Drive safely, arrive alive.
349
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,258
Vocm cares.
350
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,327
-That's sweet about
your young fella.
351
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,327
-Huh?
352
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,330
-Playing the show.
-What show?
353
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:53,397
Down at the bar.
354
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:56,134
I didn't know he was
old enough to be at that.
355
00:13:56,136 --> 00:14:00,505
-Mark's only 14.
He couldn't be...
356
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,073
Good god!
357
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:09,280
[funky bass music]
358
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,149
♪
359
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,751
-Oh, ted!
I've got a whole new act!
360
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:15,920
-Hey, so...
What's in the bag?
361
00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:18,656
-Costumes.
I'm doing characters now.
362
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:19,757
-Ah... God help us.
363
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,458
[applause]
364
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,360
Adult mark (v.O.): I'd thought yesterday was my big break,
365
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:24,561
But tonight was even bigger!
366
00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:28,165
This time they'd turned the tvs off!
367
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,500
Ted: Welcome!
368
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,169
Welcome to the cabaret!
369
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:34,438
Ladies and gentlemen, we've
got an incredible assortment
370
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:38,576
Of some of the finest acts
that five dollars cover can buy!
371
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:42,246
[laughter]
372
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,648
Adult mark (v.O.):
The acts were terrible,
373
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:47,585
But to me, there was no better show on earth!
374
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,620
♪
375
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,222
[chuckles]
376
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:54,725
[upbeat traditional music]
377
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,061
♪
378
00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:00,798
[audience exclaiming]
379
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,801
♪
380
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:08,606
[laughter]
381
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,141
[plunger pops]
382
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,675
-Whew!
383
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:12,743
Thank you!
384
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,712
[applause and cheering]
385
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,213
Ted: Thank you very much.
386
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,684
Okay, up next we have
a promising young comedian
387
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,485
Making his debut!
388
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:22,553
Please welcome...
389
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,888
Mark critch!
390
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,424
[applause and cheering]
391
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:30,428
[heartbeat sound
and ominous music]
392
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:32,764
Adult mark (v.O.): I'd been making fun of my family
393
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:36,100
My whole life. How hard could it be?
394
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,369
Mark: Uh...
395
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:39,771
Hello.
396
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:40,904
I'm mark.
397
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,373
Fourteen.
398
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:46,243
But if anyone's asking for ids,
I'm 27,
399
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:48,045
And my name's hector.
400
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,246
[someone coughs]
401
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,083
Man: Try again!
402
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:54,318
Adult mark (v.O.):
" who are you?"
403
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,259
-Lemme tell you
a little bit about myself.
404
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,261
You know, I share
a room with my grandfather.
405
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,929
Yeah, willy wonka style.
406
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:06,230
It's crazy.
407
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,532
But it's not so bad.
408
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,468
Um, he has a few bad habits,
is all.
409
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,771
I'm trying to get him to
stop biting his nails, yeah.
410
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,172
So I hid his dentures.
411
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,340
[laughter]
412
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,109
Mark: But he never listens.
413
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:21,079
No, pop's really cheap.
414
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,679
He's so cheap that when he dies,
415
00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:25,450
He'll probably walk
towards the light...
416
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:26,651
And turn it off.
417
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:27,785
[laughter]
418
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,420
Mark: Wow, what a family!
419
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,355
You know, my dad's on the radio.
420
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,992
He's a news reporter on vocm.
421
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,826
Mm-hm.
You know my dad, right?
422
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,061
Mike critch?
423
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:39,163
[applause and cheering]
424
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:41,299
The only problem with
being a news reporter
425
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,834
In a town this size
is that there isn't really
426
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,369
Any news to report.
427
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,271
[audience chuckling]
428
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,111
[laughter]
429
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:55,713
[mimicking mike sr.]
"late last night,
430
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:56,914
"early this morning,
431
00:16:56,950 --> 00:17:00,251
"a moose was struck
on the trans-canada highway.
432
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,519
"the name of the moose
has not yet been released,
433
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,255
"but the suspect vehicle
is described
434
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,858
"as a brown and tan chevette
435
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,126
"with a moose on it."
436
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,994
[laughter]
437
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:13,798
"two men killed,
one seriously.
438
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:18,002
"this is mike critch
for the vocm news service."
439
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,437
[laughter and applause]
440
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,343
[laughter and applause]
441
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:30,681
-Good god.
442
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,284
-That's you, mike!
He got you down!
443
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:38,222
-And here he is,
ladies and gentlemen.
444
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,690
Mike critch!
445
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,827
[applause]
446
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:43,761
-Let's go.
447
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:44,829
Man: Oh, he's in trouble!
448
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:48,232
-Ladies and gentlemen,
mike and mark critch!
449
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,034
-[applause and cheering]
-oh!
450
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,169
-You've been great, folks!
Ha...
451
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,505
-Let's hear it!
Come on, come on!
452
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,307
Adult mark (v.O.):
I was caught red-jacketed.
453
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,243
I knew dad was furious,but his yelling was drowned out
454
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,245
By sweet, merciful laughter.
455
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:02,980
It really was the best medicine.
456
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,116
Mike sr: This is
the height of ignorance!
457
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,317
I've never been so embarrassed!
458
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,652
Ted: Hey, mr. Critch!
459
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,053
Hey!
460
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,053
It's great to meet you.
461
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,522
I'm a long-time listener.
462
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,990
-Buddy, you got some nerve,
463
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,392
Having a youngster
in here underage!
464
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,393
I could call the cops
and have their license revoked
465
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,528
And you up on charges.
466
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,664
-It's not his fault, dad!
I gave him a note.
467
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,632
-It's not enough
to make fun of me on stage?
468
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,201
You gotta go around
forging my signature, too?
469
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,337
We're leaving.
-Hey, hey, hey.
470
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:27,872
Hey, before you go, uh...
471
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,273
This is for you.
472
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,407
-What is it?
473
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,743
-It's your cut of the door.
474
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,946
You're not an amateur
anymore, kid.
475
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,514
You're a pro.
476
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,882
Adult mark (v.O.): A pro!
477
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:38,882
-We're leaving.
478
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,885
[mark sighs]
479
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,955
-Aw, but I wants to see
the fella with the puppet!
480
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,557
-[applause and cheering]
-ted: Okay, that's it, folks.
481
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,826
Thank you very much
and goodnight!
482
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:55,432
Adult mark (v.O.): I'd never seen my dad this angry.
483
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,101
I made a mental note to remember it for my act.
484
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,572
-I have never been
more humiliated.
485
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,374
-I'm sorry, dad, I...
486
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,509
It was just a joke.
487
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,246
-Is that what I am to you?
A joke?
488
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,581
-No, no, no.
489
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:11,515
I...
490
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,784
If I wanna be really funny,
491
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,653
I have to talk about
my real life.
492
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,387
-And what about my life, hey?
493
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,056
What if my boss had been there?
494
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:21,325
He would have thought
I'd given you my work coat!
495
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:22,727
I'd be de-patched!
496
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,196
Impersonating a vocm employee
in public!
497
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,999
Good god!
498
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,133
-I'm sorry.
499
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:31,602
I should've talked to you
about it first.
500
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,339
I just wanted to be liked.
501
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,341
I wanted to be like you.
502
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,411
Dad...
503
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,413
Everybody loves you.
504
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,019
[mike sr. Sighs]
505
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:51,755
[poignant music]
506
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,424
Adult mark (v.O.):
I was in big trouble.
507
00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:54,892
But it was worth it.
508
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:58,429
I was a 14 years old and I was a professional comedian.
509
00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,830
Technically.
510
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:01,966
-Late last night...
511
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,634
Adult mark (v.O.): I'd lied more than pinocchio
512
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,170
To book my first gig, but I'd learned how important it is
513
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,105
To tell the truth onstage.
514
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:11,108
And when it came to stages, it didn't matter where it was,
515
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:12,843
But what you said on it.
516
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,044
-...With a moose on it.
517
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,280
[laughter]
518
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,015
-Two men dead...
519
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:18,883
One seriously.
520
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,184
[laughter]
521
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,085
Adult mark (v.O.): The most personal things in life
522
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,088
Can also be the most universal.
523
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:26,323
Comedian: [tv] 'cause that's where all the rock stars
524
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,825
Shop for their guitars.
525
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,494
Adult mark (v.O.): We have more in common than we think.
526
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:34,131
[sound of tv playing]
527
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,735
♪
528
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:41,005
♪
529
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:45,843
♪
530
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:48,612
♪
531
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,514
♪
532
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,816
Adult mark (v.O.):
The most important thing of all
533
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,218
Is to be able to
laugh at yourself.
534
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,954
[mike sr. Chuckles]
535
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:03,961
-"mike critch for the vocm
news... Service!"
536
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,163
Thank you.
537
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:09,934
[applause and cheering]
538
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:13,037
♪
539
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:15,940
♪
540
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,309
Thank you!
541
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:27,251
♪
542
00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:30,921
♪
543
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:34,592
♪
544
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:38,129
♪
545
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:41,932
♪
546
00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:45,736
♪
547
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:50,074
♪
38192
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