Original subtitles

[organ music plays]

♪♪♪

Sister margaret: Fox!

If you are old enough to get confirmed,

You are old enough to behave in church!

If you embarrass me in front of father moore,

I'll give you a big enough fright

To scare the crap out of a toilet,

Ya saucy little-- - [clears throat]

- Father!

The children are so excited to see you.

- Hmm.

Good morning, boys and girls.

Kids: Good morning, father.

Adult mark: Confirmation. The catholic bar mitzvah.

I was about to become a made man.

Father moore: At baptism,

Your parents made a promise

On your behalf

Because you were just a baby.

- [whispers] you're still a baby.

Father moore: They gave you a name.

And now, you will confirm their promise

And you will choose

Your own confirmation name.

Now, sister, who's doing the reading?

- Mark critch, father.

[chair creaks] mark: [exhales deeply]

[footsteps thud]

[kid yawns, paper rustles]

"jesus said, 'suffer little children

And forbid them not to come unto me:

For such is the kingdom of heaven.'"

Adult mark: There was no bigger stage than an altar.

Mass was the biggest show in town.

[lights snap on]

Are there any catholics here tonight?

Everyone?! My kinda room!

[cheesy comedy club music plays]

The other day this old lady comes into the confessional,

She says, "father forgive me!

When I was young,

I cheated on my husband!"

I said, "lady, you confessed that last Sunday."

And she says, "I know.

I just like talking about it!" [kids laugh]

[clapping] thank you!

Adult mark: I was born a catholic,

But I was a practicing narcissist.

[lights snap off]

[fox giggles]

Father moore lived off fear

Like I lived off tea and bologna.

- Is something funny, miss?

You don't seem ready to receive the holy spirit.

- I ain't afraid of no ghost. Kids: [giggle]

Sister margaret: Jesus, mary, and joseph!

- When I was their age,

I felt the holy spirit so strongly

That I received my calling.

But perhaps your class

Isn't ready for confirmation, sister.

Adult mark: I, too, had a calling - to be a star -

And now I saw an opening to audition

To be the leading man.

- I... Feel something...

Inside.

- Well, hold it!

No one is going to the washroom.

- No.

I... Want to become...

A priest.

[a backing band plays as a gospel choir sings]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Mary: A priest? Mike jr.: Oh!

At least he'll never have to worry about

Breaking the vow of celibacy. - [scandalized gasp]

- Are you cracked? A priest?! With all that's going on?!

- Why? What's going on?

Adult mark: You can't talk about the '80s in newfoundland

Without talking about the sexual abuse scandal

In the catholic church.

That is, unless you were my parents.

- None of your business. - It's nothing that you...

- Shut up, pop. - Have to worry about, honey.

- Hmm.

[footsteps approach]

Pop: [sighs]

[cars zoom past outside]

I'm sorry if we were hard on you, but...

You know, you're a bit young to be signing up

With that crowd of sadistic arseholes.

- Nice apology.

I mean, if they're so bad,

Then why do you go to mass every Sunday?

- Can't hurt to play both sides.

As long as you confess, you're golden.

Have you chosen your confirmation name yet?

I mean, we've got enough mikes.

- [sighs] patrick.

- [pleased] mm... Really. Hmm. - Not for you.

Patrick is father moore's first name.

He's gonna be my sponsor,

And he said I'd be a fine priest.

- Nice. Hmm.

You know, perhaps we should invite him over,

Get to know him a bit better.

What about tomorrow night for supper?

- Really? - Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, I'd love to say a few words to father moore - ha! -

Believe you me.

- Um, why don't you come on down and join me,

Say a prayer for nanny?

- Oh, uh, I'd rather just sit here

'cause I've got bad knees,

But hey, I'll say one for her

And I'll say one for you.

- Hmm. - Hmm?

Mark: Dear lord, please keep my nanny safe,

Forever and always.

[organ and choral music plays]

♪♪♪

[chip bag rustles]

[chip bag rips open]

- What's with the "exorcist" get up?

- Mark is preparing himself.

He signed us up to be altar boys.

He would've asked you too, but, you know...

Boys.

[chip bag rustles violently]

Hey! My chips!

- "let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

Students: [indistinct chatter] kid: Wait up!

Adult mark: The whole house went into a priestly panic

As mom and dad cruxi-fixed the place up.

[radio clicks on]

Mike sr.: Formal charges were laid today

Against clergy in st. John's.

A lawyer, speaking on behalf of the vic--

[radio clicks off] - of all the jeezly times

To have a bloody priest poking around.

[cupboard items rustle, door thumps shut]

And you better not start, tonight!

This is about mark.

- I don't start things, I finish 'em.

[crunching, hanger clatters]

[wardrobe door thumps shut]

- What are you doing? - I'm hungry.

Fox stole my chips.

- That's the body of christ! - No, it's not.

It's just bread until the priest blesses it.

- There! - You're not a priest.

- They don't even have a taste.

- Yes, they do. They taste like... Paper.

Adult mark: Snacking on a sacrament was a big sin,

But like adam with the apple,

I was tempted.

[slow crunch]

- Good, right? Ha! - Mmm.

[footsteps approach, solemn organ music plays]

Mmm! - [clears throat]

Before your first mass as altar boys,

You'll have to give confession, of course.

[church bell tolls] adult mark: Confession!

I couldn't tell if he had seen us,

But I knew there was only one thing to do.

Lie!

Les back]

Adult mark: The confessional.

God's little interrogation room.

- Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

It has been two weeks since my last confession.

- Go ahead, child. Confess.

Adult mark: I couldn't bring myself to confess my own sins

So I flipped on my family

Like a mobster turned fbi informant.

- Pop swears all the time. Like, a lot.

And I'm pretty sure my brother has reefer in his room.

Um, mom gossips - terrible habit, and dad--

- Let's focus on your sins.

Did someone tempt you to sin today, mark?

Adult mark: I chose to walk in the footsteps

Of one of the most famous christians ever...

- Well...

Adult mark: Judas.

[door clicks open, kids murmur nervously]

[door thumps shut]

- [whispering] you didn't tell him, did you?

Did he see us eat them?

[door clicks open] father moore: Ritchie?

- [whispers] does he know? - Ritchie? Now!

[organ music plays, kid: I'm so scared.

[confessional door slams shut] mark: [whimpers]

Father moore: Bless us, o lord and these thy gifts,

Which we are about to receive from thy bounty

Through christ, our lord.

All: Amen.

- Bread, father?

- I believe I hear you on the radio

More than I see you in church, mr. Critch.

- Oh, he works Sunday's, father.

No rest for the wicked. - Hmm.

- Pure! No rest for the pure.

Uh... Beets? Pickles? - No.

I've taken an interest in mark.

It's rare to find a boy of his...

Faith these days.

People are...

Turning away from the church.

- Well, I think we all know why that is, father.

Adult mark: I was oblivious to the elephant in the room,

Even though pop had hopped up on its back

And was tickling its ears.

- The devil can work in mysterious ways, too.

I wouldn't believe everything you hear on the radio.

Good people, their names slandered.

- We haven't named any of the accused, father.

- Well, perhaps you should mention some names.

The names of the accusers.

- I believe the word you're looking for

Is "victims," father.

- [awkwardly] uh...

What's your favourite bible passage, mark?

- Oh, the one from my reading. - Oh yeah.

- "suffer little children

And forbid them not, to come unto me."

Pop: Ah. "suffer little children."

Now that should be right up your alley, father.

- Dessert! [laughs nervously]

Would you like a flakey? - Ugh.

- You know... I'm losing my appetite.

- And you?

Hmm? - Uh...

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.

Take a man fishing

And he will eat... Later.

- Uh-huh. Ha.

- What's yours, father?

- Matthew 7, 1-5.

"judge not, that you be not judged."

- Do you know what mine is, father?

Luke 12:2.

"nothing is covered up, that shall not be revealed;

Or hidden, that will not be known."

Chew on that one, padre.

Adult mark: I was too young to know any better.

Pop, on the other hand, was too old to give a flying fu--

- Fudgee-o?

- I believe I've had enough.

Thank you for the meal. It was... Ample.

- I'll see you out, father. - Thank you, mark.

Mike sr.: [sighs heavily] mary: Ugh!

[door clicks open] - sweet jesus.

- Ugh! I've got the shivers. It's like dracula was in here.

- What a prick! God forgive me.

- You couldn't do this one thing for me!

- Mark, there's a lot you don't understand.

- Then tell me!

- [sighs heavily]

[a violin lament plays]

♪♪♪

- [disappointed exhale]

[whimpers] oh...

[footsteps recede, bedroom door bangs shut]

- The boy is old enough.

♪♪♪

Adult mark: Newfoundlanders are used to storms,

But over the next few days

It felt like the darkest clouds we'd ever seen

Were rolling in over us.

- Attention, please, children!

Uh...

I'm sure you've been hearing some rumours about the church.

You must have a lot of questions.

Adult mark: Finally, a ray of light!

- Well, you better not ask them!

It's none of your business!

Adult mark: Followed by showers.

- On an unrelated note,

Father moore is no longer with us.

Kid: [gasps] - [shocked] what?!

- It's going to be okay. You see, children,

Father moore has...

- [clears throat] been transferred overseas.

I've been asked to introduce his replacement,

Father garcia.

Adult mark: I had lost my mentor,

But I was sure his replacement would be just as--

- Hey, kids!

My name is father garcia, but you can call me gary.

- Uh, and that you most certainly will not--

- Look, collar in the corner,

Ain't nothing special about a priest, okay?

I'm no different from uh...

[snaps fingers] hey, what's your name, buddy?

- Ritchie.

- Ritchie. Cool!

Heck, I wish I was as cool as ritchie over here! [high-five]

What's your confirmation name, bro?

- Romeo. Like my uncle.

- Whoa! Loverboy over here. [chuckles]

How about you, buddy?

- Patrick. Kid: [clears throat]

- It's mark, right?

I hear you like comedy.

Well, did you know that there was a saint hilarious?

- It's patrick.

- I see. Okay.

Um... Sister?

[exhales heavily]

Ya ever listen to music backwards

To hear hidden satanic messages?

Oh! Over there. [chuckles] - um...

- Well, sometimes I like to listen to music forwards

To hear hidden christian messages.

One, two, three and... (starts playing the guitar)

♪ goin' up to the spirit in the sky ♪

♪ that's where I'm gonna go when I die ♪

♪ when I die and they lay me to rest ♪

♪ I'm gonna go to the place that's the best ♪

- ♪ spirit in the skyyyy! [kids clap to the rhythm]

Adult mark: I was being upstaged!

I felt the holy spirit leave me

As if I'd just popped a spiritual zit.

God was dead.

- ♪ I'm gonna go to the place that's the best ♪

- ♪ spirit in the skyyyy!

N before confirmation.

Get it all out now -

Your lies, your thefts,

Your disgusting urges.

Vomit up the darkness.

Pop in!

- Actually, sister, um, I'm all about talking to god,

I just don't like hiding in a box to do it.

So, kids, we're gonna rap face-to-face...

Right over here. Come on.

- The arse is out of 'er.

- Hey, mark?

[kids whisper and murmur]

- Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.

It has been one day since my last confession.

- Whoa, mark.

Can't be anything worth confessing, buddy.

Um... I guess I'm your sponsor now, huh?

What do you think about that?

All right, okay, I get it.

Strong, silent type.

Well, go in peace.

- What's my penance?

- You didn't sin.

Adult mark: No penance?

What's the point of being catholic

If there isn't any guilt?

- Mark? I'd like to meet your parents.

You know, sponsor and all.

I'll stop by after school.

[kid yawns nearby] next?

Casanova.

[upbeat music plays]

[magazines rustle]

♪♪♪

- Thank you for the wine, father. You shouldn't have.

Pop: Well, we don't even have a corkscrew.

- Um, father, have you been a priest for long?

- Uh, five years.

Uh, I was trying to find myself,

And then I ended up in antigua with a girl I was dating.

- Oh!

- Wha... A priest can't date.

- Well, I wasn't a priest at the time.

And when she dumped me,

That's when I found the lord and the rest is history.

- Oh. So, jesus is your rebound?

- Mike! - [laughing] that's good!

- No, he's right. [laughs]

I, uh, cried myself to sleep in his arms every night.

So, uh, mr. Critch-- - mm-hmm.

- I understand you work at the radio station?

Is that correct? - Oh, here we go!

- I won't have it, father! I'm sorry, mark,

But I won't let anyone, not even a priest,

Tell me what I can or can't say on air.

- Hear, hear.

- Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry.

I... I just wanted to give you this.

- Hmm? - Um...

I write and record my own pop songs,

And I was just wondering

If you could give it to a dj is all.

- Uh... I, I'll see what I can do.

I, I could give it to dick dunphy.

I mean, I-I-I can't promise anything, but uh...

- You would do that? - Yeah, sure.

- That's awesome. Thank you!

You rock! - [chuckles]

- That's great! - [chuckles]

[pop chuckles, mike sr. Sighs heavily]

[awkward silence, father garcia sighs]

- Does anyone have any questions about um...

Everything that's going on?

'cause, you know, we could talk about it.

Pop: I don't think it's a conversation

For the dinner table, father.

- Oh, well...

- Can someone tell me what's going on?

For the love of god!

- Shall I put on the kettle?

- You don't have to stay for this, father.

- I-I would like to, if it's okay?

♪♪♪

- Uh... There's an orphanage

And it's run by the church for...

It's been run there by them for a long time.

Adult mark: The skies were clearing,

But nothing would ever really be the same again.

There's a thin line between a secret and a lie.

♪♪♪

- I don't think I believe anymore.

- Santa claus?

- I'm being serious.

- [chuckles] yes, a bit too serious, if you ask me,

For such a young boy.

Agh.

You never wanted to be a priest.

- Yeah, I did! I...

I wanted to give sermons. I wanted to be respected. I--

Pop: I think you should be an optometrist.

- Why?

- You're always saying, "I, I, I."

Look. There are better ways to help people

Than scare the crap out of them in a collar.

- Pop?

- Yeah?

- Hm.

Would you be my confirmation sponsor?

- [emotional] yeah.

I'd be mighty proud.

Mighty proud.

- Okay.

[light clicks off]

Night.

- Goodnight.

[poignant music plays]

♪♪♪

- "but jesus said, 'suffer little children

And forbid them not to come unto me:

For such is the kingdom of heaven.'"

Adult mark: When I first heard those words

I pictured children suffering.

But now, after that dark year,

I see it as, "let the children ask their questions."

- Some job. [chuckles]

Adult mark: I would have a lot of them in the coming days,

Months and years.

[zippo lighter snicks]

I may have lost some faith in others,

But I was starting to have some faith in myself.

[organ music plays]

- ♪ when I die and they lay me to rest ♪

♪ gonna go to the place that's the best... ♪

- Oh, yeah.

- ♪ when I lay me down to die ♪

♪ goin' up to the spirit in the sky ♪

[clapping] - ♪ spirit in the sky

- ♪ that's where I'm gonna go when I die ♪

- ♪ when I die

- ♪ when I die and they lay me to rest ♪

♪ I'm gonna go to the place that's the best ♪

- [laughing] - ♪ spirit in the sky

♪ it's where I'm gonna go when I die ♪

- ♪ when I die...

- ♪ when I die and they lay me to rest ♪

♪ I'm gonna go to the place that's the best ♪

- ♪ spirit in the sky!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪