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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:01,833 [sorrowful music] 2 00:00:01,902 --> 00:00:03,836 - Adult mark (vo): By the age of twelve, 3 00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:06,304 I had seen more corpses than most coroners. 4 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,073 My family didn't throw parties. 5 00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,575 We didn't go to restaurants. 6 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:11,243 We socialized at wakes. 7 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:15,713 - Mary: It's a sin, alice, but hardly a surprise. 8 00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:17,850 He was such a heavy smoker and all. 9 00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,585 And all your second-hand smoke didn't help either. 10 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:21,587 [wailing] 11 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,255 Oh, but, still, dear, this is not on you. 12 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,791 Oh, there, there. 13 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,259 You just let it all out, girl, yes. 14 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,661 [weeping] 15 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:31,262 - Hell of a man. 16 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,598 We lost a good one. 17 00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,334 - My life was more wakes than birthday parties 18 00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:39,905 And so I grew to love the company that death brought. 19 00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:42,140 - Hm, say one for me while you're down there. 20 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:44,576 - There was only one other person 21 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,211 Who loved a wake as much as me... 22 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,346 My pop. 23 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:50,549 - Oh, sweet jesus, what an ugly corpse! 24 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,351 I've seen christmas hamper turkeys 25 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,819 That were better-stuffed. 26 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,354 - I wouldn't be caught dead in that suit. 27 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,556 - Mm-hm. 28 00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,057 Oh! Oh. 29 00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:00,258 I'm so sorry for your loss. 30 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,562 They did a really good job on him. 31 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:07,099 - 90 years old and he died too young. 32 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:09,902 - He looks just like himself. 33 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,038 A-and beautiful suit you've got on him. 34 00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:15,574 Oh. 35 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,111 Oh, it's all right. 36 00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:21,313 [teacup rattling] 37 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,250 I can't tell whether he's come to pay his respects, 38 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,986 Or crawl in with the corpses. 39 00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:31,256 - Well, here comes the honourable member, 40 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,658 Sniffing around for votes. 41 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,360 Tactless - I mean, the body isn't even cold. 42 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,195 - Well, the soup is, though. 43 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,797 Shocking! Agh! 44 00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,302 [emotional music] 45 00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:56,714 - I'll be right back. 46 00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,952 - Pst! Do you want these? 47 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:00,886 - No. 48 00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,220 - Oh, really? 49 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,889 Hm. 50 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,124 [humming] 51 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,302 - Paying your respects? 52 00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,438 Well, [giggles] 53 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,039 Came to the right undertaker. 54 00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:22,240 Mr. Anderson is the best. 55 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,643 Top-notch. 56 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,343 I'm here for my great-uncle. 57 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,180 Natural causes - no kids. 58 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,547 Lived a good, clean life. 59 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,015 No reason for tears. 60 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,789 It's not scary. 61 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,457 It's just like a birthday party, 62 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,226 But in reverse. 63 00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:43,695 Well, no presents, just flowers. 64 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,931 But you do get cards. 65 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,466 When I go, I want my obituary to read 66 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,068 "lordy, lordy, look who's dead." 67 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,403 Maybe some plastic flamingos on my grave? 68 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,606 - You know, I could-- - I never seen 69 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,074 A dead body before. 70 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,209 - Her first corpse! 71 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,610 I couldn't believe my luck. 72 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,679 I didn't play hockey; I couldn't dance, 73 00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,480 But if there was one thing I could do, 74 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,415 It was work a funeral home. 75 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,251 - Allow me. 76 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,290 [clattering glasses] 77 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,958 [animated conversations] 78 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,494 This was more like a party than a wake. 79 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,295 The dead I could handle. 80 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,930 It was the living I feared. 81 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:20,699 - Don't worry. 82 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,167 I go to one of these a week. 83 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,472 - I'd never seen a young corpse before. 84 00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,107 A jean jacket? 85 00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,308 I didn't know caul's had casual Friday. 86 00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,479 And the number seven basic-model plywood casket with no inlay 87 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:38,250 And an off-white crepe interior that seemed almost phoned in. 88 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,584 I was surprised they didn't just 89 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:42,520 Throw him in a plastic bag and toss him in the harbour. 90 00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:44,522 - So, who do we have here? 91 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,323 - My uncle darby. 92 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:48,126 He moved away when I was young. 93 00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:50,061 - Natural causes, or... 94 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,730 - He got stabbed in jail. 95 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:52,397 Everyone's gonna say he-- 96 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,599 - "passed away suddenly." 97 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,803 That's how they'll write it up in the paper. 98 00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,704 Don't worry. 99 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,807 No one'll know. 100 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,417 - Get up, darby! 101 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,353 You're not gonna let a few old stabs 102 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,887 Keep ya' down, are ya? 103 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,723 - He's gone, boy, let him go! 104 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,424 - You let go of me! What are you even doing here? 105 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,692 You didn't even like darby! 106 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,394 - What are you talking about? 107 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,262 - Want to get out of here? 108 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:25,363 I know a quiet little place 109 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,766 Where we could get a bite to eat. 110 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,836 - Pop: The woman over there. 111 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,838 How long and what cause? 112 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,306 - Easy. 113 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,973 She's got, like, 12 years, max. 114 00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:37,175 Heart attack. 115 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,777 - Hm, okay, hm. 116 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:41,379 - Buddy over there with the long face 117 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,181 Over by the mass cards? 118 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,317 - His mother lived 'til she was 92. 119 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,518 But he smokes a pipe. 120 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,453 Put him down for six years. 121 00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,522 Hm. 122 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,157 Okay, missy: 123 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,524 Your turn. 124 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:55,494 All right, that woman over there 125 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,261 Kneeling by the casket. 126 00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,598 - Two years. Hit by a truck? 127 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,701 - Oh-ho! She's a keeper! 128 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,069 I like the way she thinks. Ha. 129 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,371 - Come on. 130 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,239 I got us a ride with alice. 131 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,209 - There's always room in a widow's car. 132 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,912 - We're between cars. 133 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:21,286 - Thanks for being so sweet. 134 00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:22,687 I better find my mom. 135 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,657 - And there it was: 136 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:26,658 My first kiss. 137 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,426 And it happened in a funeral home, 138 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:31,696 Which would be strange for some, but not for me. 139 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,765 It was as natural as if it had gone down 140 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,234 At a garden party. And why not? 141 00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,370 The legion made the sandwiches for both events. 142 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,037 - Things are looking up. 143 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,911 ♪♪ 144 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,182 - The next day she wasn't in school. 145 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:51,850 I wanted to ask where she was, 146 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,885 But I didn't even know her name! 147 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,320 - Attention, children! 148 00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,790 Mr. Chafe is concerned 149 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,925 That part of your education is lacking. 150 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,328 - I didn't mean for-- - oh, don't. 151 00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:06,131 You wanted it taught and so it will be taught. 152 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:06,664 By you. 153 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,966 Take it away. 154 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,736 - Huh. 155 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,241 [giggling] 156 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,278 - Children! 157 00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:21,880 Go ahead, mr. Chafe. 158 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,481 I expect to learn a thing or two myself. 159 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:25,450 [sighs] [clears throat] 160 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,821 - You're young men and women now 161 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,424 And your bodies are going to start to change. 162 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,660 The boys are going to start to wear deodorant 163 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,795 And the girls are gonna start wearing... 164 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,864 You know. 165 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:41,700 There comes a time in life-- 166 00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:44,135 Yes, fox? 167 00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:45,703 - Do you mean sex? 168 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,305 - Yes! - No! 169 00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,308 I told you if we taught reproduction 170 00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:52,543 It would devolve into a conversation about... 171 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,112 [gulp] sex! 172 00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:56,581 - I already knew everything I needed to know 173 00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,683 About the birds and the bees. 174 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,118 I was in love. 175 00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:02,787 [heated discussion continues in background] 176 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,689 - What's her name? - Huh? 177 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,490 - What's her name? 178 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,793 - Feeling chatty? 179 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,994 Why don't you tell us 180 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,062 The parts of the reproductive system? 181 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,132 See? 182 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,433 [scoffs] 183 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:17,869 Children are just too young to learn about such things. 184 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,272 - Womb, fallopian tubes, ovaries. 185 00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,873 But you don't have any of that, ritchie. 186 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,675 You only got a dicky bird. 187 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:24,943 - [giggling] - look what you started! 188 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,346 - You're the one who asked what a dicky-bird was, sister. 189 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,949 Not a very appropriate question, if you ask me. 190 00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,353 - I will see you in your office after school. 191 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:38,689 [mischievous music] 192 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,461 - Get out your bibles. 193 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,396 [groaning] 194 00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:50,735 ♪♪ 195 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,739 - Dick: Hello, neighbour! 196 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,374 What a surprise. 197 00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,576 Need a cup of sugar or you already sweet enough? 198 00:07:58,612 --> 00:07:59,644 - No, I need a car, though. 199 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,113 Sick of bumming rides. 200 00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,782 How much are you selling her for? 201 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:04,716 How about a deal for an old friend? 202 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,652 - Oh, no, mary, you don't want this one. 203 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,620 Station told me to get rid of her. 204 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,055 Shocks are gone and the brake pads 205 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:11,856 Are as bald as the tires. 206 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,859 Besides, mike would kill me. 207 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,861 - Mike's not the one buying her, though, is he? 208 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,997 Now, you take me for a test drive right now 209 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,600 Or I'm going to go into that station and tell mr. Butler 210 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,769 That you're refusing to sell his junk because you're sexist! 211 00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,337 [bright music] 212 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,483 - You're not eating. 213 00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,684 - I'm not hungry. 214 00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:41,987 - You're in love with the fox! 215 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,688 - You crazy? Why would you say that? 216 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,890 - You must like somebody. 217 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,626 You look miserable and she's the only girl 218 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:48,893 That will talk to us. 219 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:51,896 - Okay. 220 00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,698 But promise you won't say anything. 221 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,237 (whispering) I like what's-her-name. 222 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,571 - Who? 223 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:01,772 - That girl who wasn't in class. 224 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,308 - So, you like her, 225 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,210 But you don't even know her name? 226 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:05,776 - Well... 227 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,813 - Do you mind if I ask fox out, then? 228 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,181 - Are you nuts? 229 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,616 You can't ask fox out! 230 00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:12,684 - So, you do like her! 231 00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,185 You can't have all the girls! 232 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,654 Not what's-her-name and fox! 233 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,489 - Look at the sucky babies! 234 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,593 - The dreaded fox brothers. 235 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:23,795 The only things that differentiated them 236 00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,797 From one another was their ages and their mothers. 237 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:29,200 - Oh, gross! Japanese food. 238 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,602 - I keep telling you: I'm filipino. 239 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:31,803 - Middle fox: What'd you say? 240 00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,873 I don't speak chinese! 241 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,475 - The foxes' inability to properly bully ritchie 242 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,711 Was a stunning indictment of the catholic school 243 00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,212 Geography program. 244 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:41,913 - You want your sandwich back, geek? 245 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,281 - Not really. 246 00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:45,684 - Well, you're not getting it! 247 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,051 - Okay. 248 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,852 - I hear 249 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,021 You've got a crush on my sister. 250 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,423 - Who told you that? 251 00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:53,024 - Mr. Miyagi over there just said it. 252 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:53,658 - Mr. Miyagi is japanese. 253 00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,794 - Shut up, short-round! 254 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,429 - Vietnamese. 255 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,432 - Try anything with my sister 256 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,834 And I'll rip your nuts off, feed 'em to your boyfriend, 257 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:03,901 Tell him they're chicken balls. 258 00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:05,971 - That's chinese! 259 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,039 Besides, he's not into your sister. 260 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,974 He already told me he likes somebody else. 261 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,676 - Will you shut up? 262 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,913 - You hear that? 263 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,849 This little tool doesn't love you anymore. 264 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:19,050 Aw! 265 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,185 - Heart burn! 266 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:25,924 - Gary: Hey! What the hell? What the hell are you doing? 267 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,525 [melancholy music] 268 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:33,931 - What? 269 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,967 I got rid of them, didn't I? 270 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,802 - Dick: A little to the right, mary. 271 00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,471 Look out! To the left, now! 272 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,272 - Oh, which is it? Make up your bloody mind. 273 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,807 - Driving is like colouring; 274 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,675 You have to stay inside the lines. 275 00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:46,211 - Too much stuff on here! 276 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,146 [siren whoops] [passing car honks] 277 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,415 - You do have a license, right? 278 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,415 - Don't be so foolish! Of course I do! 279 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:54,352 I use it for the I.D. To cash cheques. 280 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,953 - Pull over to the side! [horn honking] 281 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:56,888 Oh, mother! [tires squealing] 282 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,157 [sigh] [siren wailing] 283 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,226 - Oh, how do I turn this bloody siren off? 284 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:01,892 It's got me all distracted! 285 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:03,961 - That's not our siren. 286 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,197 It's the cops. 287 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:07,799 [brakes squealing] 288 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,168 [groaning] 289 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,436 [engines idling] 290 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,240 Well, this steering doesn't work! 291 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,777 I'm not paying full price for this! 292 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,245 [phone ringing] 293 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,780 - Good god! 294 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,782 Who the hell is calling the house at this hour? 295 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,049 It's eight o'clock at night! 296 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,584 Mary! Telephone! 297 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,853 - Mike! Telephone! 298 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,522 [phone continues ringing] 299 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:31,956 [rock music through headphones] 300 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,859 - In our house, everyone could hear your conversation 301 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,328 Even if they didn't want to. 302 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,730 But they all wanted to. 303 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,397 - Well, somebody answer it! 304 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,203 - Hello? 305 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,072 - My mother always answered the phone 306 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:47,872 In a mildly english accent. 307 00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:50,274 - Just one moment, please. 308 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,944 My god, it's a girl! For mark! 309 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,812 - Mike sr.: For mark? - Pop: What? 310 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,747 - Mike sr.: Good god, what does she want? 311 00:11:56,783 --> 00:11:58,016 - How do you do? 312 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,218 May I ask who's telephoning? 313 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,620 Some hussy named tina. 314 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,021 - Tina! 315 00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,556 I knew her name! 316 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,026 I finally had the missing piece to the puzzle 317 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:09,561 Of my 12-year-old heart. 318 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,263 - Can I please have the phone? 319 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:17,936 Hello? 320 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,036 - Hi, it's me, tina. 321 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,173 - Oh, hi, tina. 322 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,142 - Tina? Tina who? Who's tina. 323 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,177 - Tina from the funeral home. 324 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:29,247 - Tina reardon? [gasps] 325 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,382 Her uncle was stabbed in prison. 326 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,184 Hard as nails, that crowd! 327 00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,720 - Ask her if her mother will do an interview 328 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:37,989 About the murder. 329 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,090 - Uh, how you doing? 330 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,893 - I'm okay. - Cool. 331 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,194 - She's too hard for you, mark! 332 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,662 You'll get stabbed. 333 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,330 - Tina: Wasn't hard to find your number. 334 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,066 You're the only critch on kenmount road. 335 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,535 - Only house, too. - Cool. 336 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,004 - I had a nice time at the funeral home. 337 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:55,273 You want to, I don't know, 338 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,974 Do something some time? 339 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,343 - Cool. 340 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,811 - Oh, the boy is quite the conversationalist. 341 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:01,912 [pop chuckles] 342 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,714 - Ah, do you want to go to the park tomorrow, 343 00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:04,382 Around two? 344 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,551 Meet you by the swings. 345 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,352 - Cool. 346 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,420 - Tell her you think she's pretty. 347 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,822 - Ask her how many times her uncle was stabbed. 348 00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,958 - I wanted to tell her that I'd never felt so alive 349 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,492 In my young life 350 00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:17,895 And we would always have the joyful sadness 351 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,497 Of the funeral home. 352 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,998 - Tina, 353 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,033 I... 354 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,603 I... 355 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,171 [cord snaps] 356 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,076 [dial tone] 357 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,381 No! I don't have her number! 358 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,049 - Well, you really shagged that one up. 359 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:41,219 [slams receiver down] 360 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,887 - I'm going to my room. 361 00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:45,122 Everyone ju-just leave me alone! 362 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:45,956 [slams phone down] 363 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,359 [melancholy music] 364 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:54,131 - There's no better place for a broken-hearted pre-teen 365 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,367 Than his bedroom. 366 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:57,167 A private sanctuary where-- 367 00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,470 - Pop: All right, don't mind me. 368 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,938 I know you want to be alone. 369 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,074 I'll be quiet as a church mouse. 370 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:04,942 Oof! 371 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,210 Oh, ohh. 372 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,011 My dogs are barking. 373 00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:09,446 [chuckles] [sighs] 374 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,450 Good night! Hm, hm-hm-hm. 375 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,587 [lighter strikes] 376 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,723 [lighter down on bedside table] 377 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:21,959 [bed creaking] 378 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,728 [pop coughing non-stop] 379 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,768 Oh, jesus... 380 00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,236 [coughing] 381 00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,175 I can't smoke lying down anymore. 382 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,112 I must be getting old. 383 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,047 [sniffling] 384 00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,114 [loud sigh] 385 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:47,051 Do you want some unsolicited advice? 386 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,388 Don't try anything on the first date. 387 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,391 A woman likes to be romanced. 388 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,462 A gentleman saves that stuff for the second date. 389 00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,997 And on our third date, 390 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,801 Your grandmother told me she was pregnant! 391 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,069 Huh?! 392 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,870 Good night. 393 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,273 [melancholy music] 394 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,874 [coughing resumes] 395 00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,087 - I had a date! 396 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:26,524 That is, if I could only get to it. 397 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,361 - How come you're all dressed up? 398 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:33,231 You got a date! 399 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:35,433 Can I come? 400 00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,900 - No! 401 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,036 Where's victoria park? 402 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,838 I think I've got to get the route 2? 403 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,174 - No, you take the route 3 then transfer at parade street. 404 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,510 - Where's that? 405 00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,745 - You sure you don't want me to come? 406 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,848 - Okay, but promise you won't follow us and be weird? 407 00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:51,982 - I promise. 408 00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:53,317 I'll just watch you guys from the bushes -- 409 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,818 No weird stuff. 410 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:56,921 - Okay. 411 00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:58,389 Cool. 412 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,259 [bus brakes squeal and hiss] 413 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,129 - Ritchie: Can we get 414 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,931 Two transfers, please? 415 00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,199 [coins clinking in fare box] 416 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:10,935 [bus doors close] 417 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,269 - Hey, dicks. 418 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,338 - Oh, hi, fox! We've got a date! 419 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,541 - What? - Uh, not with each other. 420 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:17,342 With a girl. 421 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,176 - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 422 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:23,214 - Well, he has a girl, I don't. 423 00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:25,149 You're a girl, so maybe we can double-date? 424 00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:27,518 - [scoffs] - ow! 425 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,153 - What girl? - He doesn't know her name. 426 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,688 - My god, yes, I do! 427 00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:32,923 It's nothing! 428 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,728 - Hey, driver, I want a transfer, too. 429 00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:41,098 - Ohh... - [thudding] 430 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,767 [exciting music] 431 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,189 - Hey. 432 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,723 - Hey. 433 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,061 - So, come here often? 434 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,933 ["everything in my heart" by corey hart plays] 435 00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:28,746 ♪♪ I never see the light ♪♪ 436 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:33,151 - Her hands were as soft as the most expensive toilet paper 437 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,518 At the supermarket. 438 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,154 They were almost as soft as mine. 439 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,091 ♪♪ couldn't imagine how ♪♪ 440 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:44,027 ♪♪ what I'm supposed to do ♪♪ 441 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:45,362 - [crack] - ow!! 442 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,698 Uncle! Uncle! 443 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,201 I'll call you! 444 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,805 ♪♪ only thinking of you ♪♪ 445 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,609 ♪♪ I'll do it again ♪♪ 446 00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,378 - I gotta go. 447 00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:03,648 [smack] 448 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,916 ♪♪ everything in my heart ♪♪ 449 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,384 - My second kiss! 450 00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:08,819 At this rate, 451 00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:10,954 I'd be married by my 13th birthday. 452 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,126 - Nice work. 453 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,794 - Wanna go down the slide? 454 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,195 - Race ya'! 455 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,200 [phone ringing] 456 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,737 - Good god! 457 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,606 Who's calling the house at this hour? 458 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,408 It's half past seven at night! 459 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,943 - I'll get it! 460 00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:33,410 Hello? 461 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,379 - Hi. 462 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,447 It's tina, the hussy. 463 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:39,283 - That was amazing. I-- 464 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,119 - I'm breaking up with you. 465 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,487 - What? Why? 466 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:44,888 - I don't know. 467 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,256 'cuz you're slack. 468 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:47,558 - Slack? 469 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,360 What's slack? 470 00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,462 - She means you didn't put out, son. 471 00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:52,296 Oh, that's my fault. 472 00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,632 Tell her about the second date! 473 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,099 - Slack? 474 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:59,036 Sister rose was right: We were too young for this. 475 00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:01,438 - Can't we just-- 476 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,208 [pebbles hitting window] 477 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,510 - Hang on. 478 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,652 Just leave me alone! 479 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,390 [handset onto cradle] 480 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,992 [dial tone] 481 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:25,329 [dial tone continues] 482 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,532 [handset onto cradle] 483 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,466 - That brazen little hussy. 484 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,135 Oh, she better not call here anymore! 485 00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:32,803 You know, her father's nowhere to be found. 486 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:33,537 I talked to joan down at the supermarket 487 00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,872 And she told me that-- 488 00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,241 - No, no, no. 489 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:39,744 [door slams] 490 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,212 - Oh, mm. 491 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:42,346 I've got it. 492 00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:44,781 [door opens] 493 00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:47,050 [door closes] 494 00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,890 [aluminum foil crinkling] 495 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,760 [pop groans] 496 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,162 Yeah, little surprise for ya'. 497 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:00,297 Hm? 498 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,567 Ham and cheese. 499 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,334 Nice. 500 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,971 Mm. 501 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:07,504 Come on! 502 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,906 How was your date? 503 00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:12,109 - I guess I'm not ready yet. 504 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:12,643 - Oh... 505 00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,912 Don't worry. 506 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:15,712 You will be. 507 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,715 Women are what they call... 508 00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,916 An acquired taste. 509 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,254 - Like stale funeral sandwiches? 510 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,389 - Ah, christ, no! 511 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,059 No. 512 00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,461 I wish I could tell you that it doesn't matter, 513 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,095 That you'll forget her. 514 00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,598 The truth is... 515 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,602 You'll always remember the first one. 516 00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,206 And the last. 517 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:43,007 Hm. 518 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,942 It's just the ones in the middle 519 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,278 That don't seem to matter all that much. 520 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:51,281 You just try and squeeze in as many of those as you can. 521 00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:52,783 [upbeat music] 522 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,119 - Sitting there on my bed 523 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,755 As pop and I polished off the funeral sandwiches, 524 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,423 I learned two things: 525 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,592 One, you can't hurry love. 526 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,960 And, two, 527 00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:05,563 The pain of heartache is no match for heartburn. 528 00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:07,164 [pop sighs] 529 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:08,565 - Ach. 530 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:11,001 [pop groans] 531 00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:12,636 - Good night. 532 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,237 - Good night, pop. 533 00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:18,509 [pop coughing] 534 00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:20,978 ♪♪ 535 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:22,979 - Pop: Oh, jesus! 42478

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