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1
00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:03,302
[music playing on tv]
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,770
Alright, come on.
Flip it over.
3
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,438
My show isn't over yet!
4
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:07,772
[sighs]
5
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:10,308
-[music swells and fades]
-there.
6
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,210
-Your turn.
-Oh, finally!
7
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,880
Whoa, it's my turn!
I want to watch the weather!
8
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:16,314
Then look out the window, pop!
9
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:19,718
The long-range weather
forecast, clever clogs!
10
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,986
Like you need it!
11
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:23,054
You're 80!
12
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:25,723
Adult mark: In our house, you had to book your tv slot
13
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,625
Weeks in advance.
14
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,229
Casablanca's playing
on the great money movie
15
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,930
In two weeks' time.
16
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,865
6 pm sharp.
17
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:37,369
No talking, no telephone calls.
18
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:41,106
Let's all do our part
to make this happen, hey?
19
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,874
Tv: And now for
our long-range forecast.
20
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,543
Tuesday, fog.
21
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,211
Wednesday, fog.
22
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,813
Thursday, foggy.
23
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,814
Friday, foggy with
a chance of rain.
24
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,117
Mark: This is not entertaining.
25
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,552
Breaking news!
26
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:57,022
Vocm's own mike critch has won
the edward r. Murrow award
27
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,558
For ethics in broadcasting!
28
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,758
Way to go, dad!
29
00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:02,160
Mary: Mike, I'm so proud!
30
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,428
It's no big deal.
31
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:04,630
Any cash with it?
32
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,431
No, but they're having
a fancy award night
33
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:07,933
With a steak dinner
and everything!
34
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,768
A night out!
What'll I wear?
35
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,703
Oh, that's wonderful!
36
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,038
Your award, I mean.
37
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:15,507
Oh, gosh!
Oh, mike!
38
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,575
Adult mark: I never missed an award show.
39
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,778
The oscars, the tonys, the marks...
40
00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:23,114
Wow, best person!
41
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,516
Thank you.
42
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:27,986
[applause]
43
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:30,188
Mark: [on tv] I am humbled.
44
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:34,392
First off, this doesn't mean I'm
better than anyone here tonight.
45
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:38,730
It just says it, right here,
on the award.
46
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,265
[applause]
47
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,601
I want to thank
all the little people,
48
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,870
The kindergartners.
49
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:47,072
But mostly, fox.
50
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,874
[audience chanting
"mark, mark!"]
51
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,275
Thank you.
52
00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:53,278
Pop: Mark, you're right
in front of the television!
53
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:54,680
Mark: Uh...
54
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:57,549
What's wrong with you...?
55
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,750
Sorry.
56
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,352
Well,
great money movie's comin' on.
57
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,486
Pipe down!
58
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,755
Mary, hold my calls, would ya?
59
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:07,959
[music playing on tv]
60
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:11,062
♪
61
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,698
Adult mark: I got the bus just when my father
62
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,167
Was coming on the radio.
63
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,702
Hey!
64
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:20,138
Dick: [on radio] and now,
the vocm news with mike critch.
65
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,575
Aww...
Is that the baby's daddy?
66
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:27,312
Middle fox: Vocm,
voice of the child's...
67
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,646
Man!
68
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:29,781
What?
69
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,016
Mike sr: [on radio]
this just in,
70
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,483
Crime spree at coleman's!
71
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:33,985
Late last night,
early this morning,
72
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,787
Police were called to
coleman's supermarket.
73
00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:38,624
A male suspect allegedly
absconded with steaks
74
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:41,793
And cheddar, hiding them down
the front of his pants.
75
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,461
The police gave chase,
apprehending the man
76
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:48,400
As he urinated against a fence,
exposing his meats and cheeses.
77
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,336
The suspect is scheduled for a
bail hearing in provincial court
78
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:54,473
When we will learn
the name of the "beef bandit."
79
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:59,677
Mike critch
for the award-winning vocm news.
80
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,880
Mm, stunning!
81
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,682
Yes!
82
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,884
How it's done!
[chuckles]
83
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,352
[laughter on bus]
84
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,621
Adult mark: The kids loved to make fun of dad.
85
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:13,659
The only way to beat 'em was to join 'em.
86
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,494
Ohhh!
87
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,162
Oh, don't catch me!
88
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,297
Oh, don't look at my
meats and cheeses, ohhh!
89
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:22,234
-Ohhh!
-Sit down, dumbass!
90
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:25,103
Whoa!
I was just making fun of my dad!
91
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,273
You mean my dad.
92
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,508
-Your dad?
-Shut up!
93
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,578
When everyone finds out,
my life is over.
94
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:37,181
He put meat down his pants.
95
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,184
It's not that bad.
96
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,056
Okay, it's bad.
97
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:45,590
But no one's gonna
know it's him.
98
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,192
When he has his court date,
99
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,127
Your dad is gonna
broadcast his name
100
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,730
And the whole bus will know.
101
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,398
I'll ask him not to.
102
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,066
He won't rat out your dad.
103
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,201
Trust me.
104
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:59,871
He's an award-winning
man of ethics.
105
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,207
I promise.
106
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:05,277
♪
107
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:08,012
Mike sr: [indistinct]
108
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:11,349
Are you sure?
When's the announcement?
109
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:14,552
Any word from the chief?
110
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,289
Mike jr: Dick, would you...
111
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,425
I dunno, eat meat that
had been down a man's pants?
112
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,295
-Depends on the type.
-Mm.
113
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,364
-Ground?
-Frig no.
114
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,834
Striploin?
115
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:32,037
Friggin' right.
That's an expensive cut.
116
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:37,275
What if it had been
down the back of his pants?
117
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,246
I stand by my answer.
118
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,614
Mike sr: [background]
bye, now.
119
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,548
Mike jr: Good man.
120
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,216
More breaking news, boys!
121
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,353
Police in newfoundland are
finally going to be issued guns!
122
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,555
Because of buddy with
the cheese in his pants?
123
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,658
Hey, this is
two big scoops in a day!
124
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,494
Good work, dad!
125
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,095
Enough.
126
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:02,400
Reporter: [on tv] don't
more guns mean more danger?
127
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,135
Officer butt: [on tv]
not at all.
128
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,738
The guns will be kept
under lock and key.
129
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,543
Geez, I... I had the keys
here a minute ago.
130
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,811
Oh, he wouldn't know
his arse from his elbow!
131
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:17,015
-Reporter: For cjqn news, I'm--
-[channel switches]
132
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,717
-What's this, then?
-Hm?
133
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,185
-This?
-Oh, um...
134
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,354
Yeah, did-- didn't I mention it?
135
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:23,755
Yeah, I got cable.
136
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,490
We can't afford cable!
137
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,958
Oh, relax.
138
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,025
I'm paying for it.
139
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:30,695
-Oh, pssht.
-Oh, just pipe down.
140
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:34,433
Now, this film
has partial nudity,
141
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,368
And I want to see which part.
142
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,504
You know, if you're throwin'
money around, we have bills.
143
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:43,241
Tv: Up next on moviemax,
sylvester stallone as rambo
144
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,776
In "first blood."
145
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:48,079
[dramatic music]
146
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:49,881
Narration: Sylvester stallone.
147
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:53,618
This time,
he's fighting for his life.
148
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,987
First blood.
149
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,189
♪
150
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:01,058
Well, I suppose we don't need
to get rid of the cable
151
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:03,461
Right this second, now, do we?
152
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,999
I need to use the washroom.
153
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,001
Teachers pee?
Gross.
154
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,036
Ms. Fowler: Continue with
your math assignments.
155
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:16,040
Mark, if anyone makes any noise,
write their name on the board.
156
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,809
[sighs]
157
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,144
Adult mark: Of course she chose
158
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:22,246
The son of the most ethical man in town!
159
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,953
Hey!
Cut it out!
160
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,554
I'll allow it.
161
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,290
Critches ain't snitches.
162
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,094
Hey!
163
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,530
The cheese bandit strikes again!
164
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:39,698
[laughter]
165
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,032
Quit it, ritche.
166
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,502
The whole world's wondering,
where's the beef?
167
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,237
It's down my pants!
168
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,772
[laughter]
169
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,908
Adult mark: My father had won an award for his ethics,
170
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,776
But now I faced an ethical dilemma.
171
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,613
Did I protect fox, or rat out my best friend?
172
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,680
I'm being serious.
173
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:58,049
Settle down or I'll--
174
00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,250
You'll what?
175
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:02,587
Critches aren't snitches, right?
176
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,322
[scrawls on blackboard]
177
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,991
You wouldn't dare.
178
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,893
It doesn't have to be this way.
179
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,127
Just... Stop talking!
180
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:11,696
Sit down, loser!
181
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,198
Hey, she just talked!
182
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,899
Write her name down!
183
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,134
What the heck?
184
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,769
Don't make me do this.
185
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,405
Come on, you love jokes!
Hey!
186
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:23,308
Is that a ribeye in your pocket,
or are you just happy to see me?
187
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,777
-Shut up!
-Fox talked!
188
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,478
I bet it's 'cause she's a girl.
189
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,747
Mark: Oh!
Okay.
190
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,816
Not fair!
191
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,952
[dramatic music]
192
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,319
Marion: Stop writing our names!
193
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:36,821
Adult mark: It was like a fever dream.
194
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:37,989
Ritche: What are you doing, man?
195
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,291
Adult mark: Something came over me,
196
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,959
And before I knew what I was doing...
197
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,560
Well, that's a first.
198
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,362
Mark the narc, is it?
199
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,564
Uh, uh...
200
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,167
Adult mark: Busted for busting.
201
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,503
Hey, mike.
202
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,772
What do you think
of this ad copy?
203
00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,241
[radio voice]
"this is dick dunphy!
204
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,776
"I'll be broadcasting
live this afternoon
205
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,245
"from coleman's supermarket
206
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:03,314
"where the deals
are practically criminal.
207
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,450
"I'll be giving out
as many packs of
208
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,753
"kraft singles and hot dogs
as you can fit in your pants.
209
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:12,123
"make off like a bandit
at coleman's."
210
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,859
Mike jr: Oh!
211
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,394
This is why you're the master.
212
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:17,862
Hm!
213
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,865
Hey, dad, you should do
an update on the beef bandit.
214
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,433
I mean, it's the hottest story
in town right now.
215
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,270
Nothing new to report
until we get a name.
216
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,339
[phone rings]
217
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,609
Vocm newsroom.
Mike critch speaking.
218
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:31,743
Mike, it's me.
219
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:34,879
Oh, hello, officer butt.
220
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:38,049
Wondering if you heard
anything about a lost gun?
221
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,219
[quietly]
you lost your gun?
222
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,220
No, no!
223
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:46,357
Why, did anyone
say they found one?
224
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,693
You know I have
a duty to report this.
225
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,495
Not if you want
any more hot tips,
226
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:53,565
Like the one I gave you about
the steak and cheese bandit.
227
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,033
I'd lose me job, mike.
228
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,572
[sighs]
229
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:01,906
Was that a tip?
230
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,109
You get a name?
231
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,310
No.
232
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:08,045
Ah, it was nothin'.
233
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:14,252
[dramatic music]
234
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,054
Dick: [indistinct]
235
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,255
Mike jr: Twenty...
236
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,658
[explosion
and dogs barking on tv]
237
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,860
[zapping sounds]
238
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,796
Pop: Hm...
239
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,966
Ooh!
This thing's some hot!
240
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,634
We should call cable atlantic.
241
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,069
-[gunshots on tv]
-no!
242
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,371
No, no.
We won't be doing that.
243
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,875
You see, the cable company
doesn't technically know
244
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,276
We've got cable.
245
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,211
No, it's a descrambler.
246
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,214
You bloody shagger!
This is illegal!
247
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,916
Mike is liable to
just turn himself in!
248
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,051
Fine.
249
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,020
Say goodbye to rambo ii, then.
250
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:52,157
No...
251
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,529
[in a whisper] let's keep it
between ourselves for now.
252
00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,497
-[switches channel]
-mary: The beaver!
253
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,833
Oh, how interesting.
254
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,035
Dad, can I talk to you
about the beef bandit?
255
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,570
I don't know who he is.
256
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,038
You gotta wait till tomorrow
like everyone else.
257
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,974
I already know who it is, dad.
258
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,743
The beef bandit is fox's dad.
259
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,511
Fox's father is the thief?
260
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,913
Adult mark: Mark the narc strikes again!
261
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,214
You can't say anything!
262
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,983
It'll ruin fox's life!
263
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,186
And she will end mine!
264
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,688
It's gonna come out
whether I report it or not.
265
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,257
But you're the one who
the kids listen to on the bus.
266
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,259
I promised her you wouldn't.
267
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,427
Please!
268
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,462
For me.
269
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,330
Look, it's not personal.
270
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,767
Not personal?
I'm your son!
271
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,402
If I make an exception
for family,
272
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,903
Then I'm no better than he is!
273
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:39,938
Right, mary?
274
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,473
Couldn't agree more!
275
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,809
Spot on, son!
276
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,611
We gotta get rid of
that descrambler.
277
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:49,547
Pop: Just as soon as rambo
comes out of the jungle.
278
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,782
Yes!
279
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,554
Pop: Mm.
280
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:01,025
Oh.
Hello, fox.
281
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,761
I didn't realize the time.
282
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,829
We were just finishing up
some homework.
283
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:08,033
Sorry, I didn't know
you were about to eat.
284
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,434
Adult mark: But I did.
285
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,303
Dad could say no to me,but could he say no to the face
286
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,239
Of the poor girl he was about to send to the orphanage--
287
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,208
Or, at least, her mom's house?
288
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,045
Go on.
You sit down, hm?
289
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,847
Uh, uh--
yeah, no, uh, that's my seat.
290
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,950
But the seat next to
dad's open, though.
291
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,990
Mary: There you go, dear.
292
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,660
Ah.
293
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:39,564
There's nothing like
a meal with your family.
294
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:42,901
Uh, I hear you're
getting some big award?
295
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,602
Oh, it's nothing.
296
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:48,306
Mary: Did you know he broke
the beef bandit story, too, huh?
297
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,275
Pop: It's quite a story!
298
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:54,078
Apparently this fella sticks
the goods down his trousers.
299
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,613
And then...
300
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,148
Then he's gotta pee!
301
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,283
Ha, imagine the pressure!
302
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,618
[laughs]
303
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,821
Adult mark: Imagine? I was living it!
304
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,523
Mary: People putting pork
down their pants...
305
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,491
Perverts!
306
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,026
Mark: But doesn't the bible say
307
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,161
You can steal to
feed your family?
308
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,496
Adverbs 6:30?
309
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,164
How about
"thou shalt not steal"?
310
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,832
You familiar with that one?
311
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,969
No offence, fox.
312
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,605
Oh my god, mark!
313
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,840
Wha--
314
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:25,510
Whoa, she's making a getaway!
315
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,245
Check her pants for cheddar
on the way out! [laughs]
316
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,181
Pop!
Fox...
317
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,249
Please.
318
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,516
I was just trying to help!
319
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,318
I knew I shouldn't
have trusted you!
320
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,853
He's gonna tell everyone!
321
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,656
He says he has no choice.
322
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,525
I expect my dad
to let me down.
323
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,726
But you...?
324
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,328
You're just like everyone else.
325
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:47,265
No!
No, wait...
326
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,199
[door closes]
327
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,936
[police siren]
328
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,279
What the frig you want?
329
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,714
This may seem strange, but...
330
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,750
I want to know why you did it.
331
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:09,220
What difference does it make?
332
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,354
Was it to eat?
333
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,357
Look, I'm not an animal.
334
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,226
I don't eat nudding
that touches my privates.
335
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,762
I shoplifts meats and cheese
336
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,564
And sells 'em
to the pizza joint.
337
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,633
But...
338
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,635
Why?
339
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:28,840
You ever worry about how you're
gonna feed your kids, mike?
340
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,109
Yeah, some newsman you are.
341
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:34,111
You don't know nudding
about the real world.
342
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,315
Anything you want to say?
343
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:41,118
Nothing that's fit
to put on the radio.
344
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:46,925
Look, I'm not a bad guy, mike.
I just...
345
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,727
Never had a chance.
346
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,132
You let me know if you
need any meats and cheeses
347
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,668
When I get outta here.
348
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,069
I knows a guy!
349
00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,204
[chuckles]
350
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,640
[door buzzer]
351
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,612
Mary: I saw your advertisement
on the television,
352
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,147
And I would like
to enter your contest.
353
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,216
Oh, yes,
I am a cable subscriber!
354
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,217
Pop: Wha--
355
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,220
That's right,
303 kenmount road.
356
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,356
Pop: Shh!
It's a trap!
357
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,091
It's a trap!
358
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:23,027
For frig sake!
I'm trying to win us a new tv!
359
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,229
The cable company said they're
giving one away to anyone
360
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,497
Who has the movie channel!
361
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:31,035
It's a trap to catch people
with descramblers!
362
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:35,239
You have got us
headed to the big house!
363
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,841
Think they've got cable?
364
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,243
Mary: Oh!
365
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:42,246
♪
366
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,448
[sighs]
367
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,921
You're here late.
368
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,056
Oh...
Yeah, I'm just, uh,
369
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:54,525
Working on my speech
for the awards banquet.
370
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,661
I'm having a bit
of trouble with it.
371
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:57,828
What?
372
00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:00,131
The award's for ethics,
isn't it?
373
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,400
That's your whole shtick!
374
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,603
I mean, come on, just say what
you always told us growing up.
375
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,939
"there's the right way
and the wrong way."
376
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,274
"it's either a truth or a lie."
377
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:13,678
"it's good guys
versus bad guys!"
378
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:18,383
You know, all that crap.
379
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:19,883
Hey, come on.
380
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,486
You got this.
381
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:27,491
[sentimental music]
382
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:31,095
♪
383
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,375
Adult mark: Dad won a major prize,
384
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,244
But to him, the greatest prize of all was the free meal.
385
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:50,247
Uh, just to be sure, there's no
charge for this at all, right?
386
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:53,584
Yes, sir, no charge.
Although tips are appreciated.
387
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,720
No, thank you.
388
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,922
Adult mark: But food reminded me of someone.
389
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,224
Something wrong with your steak?
390
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,659
What if it's stolen?
391
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,928
I wouldn't want to be
an accomplice to a meat crime.
392
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,830
-You name names.
-Enough!
393
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,198
This is a special night.
394
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,932
-You gonna finish that?
-What?
395
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,268
Pop: No, I think the boy's
got a good point.
396
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,604
I mean, how do I know
this steak hasn't been
397
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,740
Down somebody's trousers?
398
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,675
Waiter: Freshly grated parmesan?
399
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,543
Yes, please.
400
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,745
Hm?
401
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,147
Pop: Oh lord, the pigs!
402
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,083
We walked straight
into the lion's den!
403
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,486
Why did you let me
make that call?
404
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,756
Did you hear that the kirklands,
they got nabbed for that ad?
405
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,257
-So--
-are you gonna eat that?
406
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,425
-He took my steak!
-What?
407
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,360
Mike jr: The steak.
You gonna finish the--
408
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:40,497
Pop: Oh, no, no.
I've lost my appetite.
409
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:41,599
[sighs]
410
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,970
Adult mark: No matter howembarrassed fox was of her dad,
411
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:51,475
I still couldn't help being proud of mine.
412
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:55,312
[upbeat jazz continues
in background]
413
00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,684
Still mad at me?
414
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,719
No.
I understand.
415
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,788
It's not personal.
416
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,823
I mean, you wouldn't be
winning an award for ethics
417
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:08,259
If you took a dive for
your own son, now, would you?
418
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:09,761
Officer butt: Attention, folks!
419
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:14,432
And the edward r. Murrow award
for ethics in broadcasting
420
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:18,936
Goes to a man whom
we in the force trust.
421
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,471
Ladies and gentleman,
422
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,673
Vocm's mike critch!
423
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:25,610
[applause]
424
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,278
Thank you.
425
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,552
Mike sr: Uh, thank you.
426
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:38,956
I'm particularly honoured
to accept this award for ethics,
427
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:41,358
Because, as I always
tell my boys,
428
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:44,361
Doing the right thing...
429
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:50,234
[sentimental music]
430
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,904
...Isn't always easy.
431
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,640
Life isn't black and white.
432
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,742
It's mostly grey.
433
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:02,513
And the greyer I get,
the more I can see that.
434
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:06,184
There's no good guys
and bad guys.
435
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:10,321
Just people trying
their best to get by.
436
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,459
Sometimes when you set out
to do the "right" thing,
437
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,963
You end up doing
more harm than good.
438
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:24,135
So, try and err
on the side of kindness.
439
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:28,005
That's something
I learned from my son.
440
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:32,944
And that's who I'd like to thank
most tonight, is my family.
441
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,879
Thank you for showing me
442
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,281
That it's never too late
to do the right thing.
443
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,483
Well, jesus, he knows.
444
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,917
-What?
-Yeah.
445
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,953
Thank you, and goodnight.
446
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,087
[applause]
447
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,623
Alright, let's have this out.
448
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,891
It's gone.
449
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:49,961
Nobody need know.
450
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:52,129
How did you find out?
451
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,832
Everybody knows about them.
452
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,367
About the guns?
453
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,768
Guns?
454
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,171
I'm talking about
my descrambler.
455
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,773
Guns, well,
what are you talking about?
456
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,376
Let's pretend this
conversation never happened.
457
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:06,510
Oh...
458
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,846
Uh, what conversation?
459
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,114
Don't touch my dessert.
460
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,584
Mary: [gasps]
oh...
461
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,653
Mm!
462
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,588
Adult mark: Sometimes you just have to depend
463
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:22,593
On your heart to tell you what's right.
464
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:24,128
Bologna on white with mayo?
465
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,462
Feeling exotic?
466
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,764
Give that to me, narc.
467
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,733
Adult mark: We all know we should strive
468
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:33,171
To do the right thing...
469
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,206
Admit when you're wrong...
470
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,175
Oh geez, not again!
471
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,678
[static on tv]
472
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,747
Adult mark: Don't steal...
473
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,682
And always tell the truth.
474
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,119
[sound of tv show]
475
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,487
Thank you.
476
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,356
Adult mark: But life isn't black and white.
477
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,892
Sometimes, in those shades of grey,
478
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:59,830
We end up doing the wrong thing for the right reasons.
479
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:06,837
For family...
480
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,439
Breaking news!
481
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:11,308
A member of the constabulary has
reported his newly acquired gun
482
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,843
Has gone missing.
483
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,112
Mike sr: [radio] sources say
this is not the first time
484
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,714
The officer's weapon
has been misplaced.
485
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:20,384
Also, the beef bandit
has been arraigned.
486
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,852
And now, the weather.
487
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,720
Looks like a good day out there!
488
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:25,522
Sunny with a high of 5 degrees.
489
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,858
Stop, or I'll say "stop" again!
490
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,661
My finger is loaded!
491
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,597
You're a total dork,
you know that, right?
492
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,265
Mm-hm.
493
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,734
Adult mark: And the best reason of all...
494
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,369
For love.
495
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:39,703
It's a beaut, dad.
496
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:40,671
You deserve it.
497
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:42,673
Pop: Jesus murphy, pipe down!
498
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,243
Mary: We can hardly hear the tv!
499
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,945
Officer butt: [tv] crime
stoppers is seeking assistance
500
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:49,880
For the following crime:
501
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:53,350
A rifle is missing
from a vehicle.
502
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,653
No fault of the vehicle's owner.
503
00:20:55,722 --> 00:21:00,658
We assume a roving band of
gun thieves has run amok,
504
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:03,494
Absconding with
weapons hither--
505
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,829
-Mary: Frig's sakes!
-Mike jr: Oh, it's dad's award!
506
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,097
The metal's friggin' up
the reception!
507
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,332
Pop: Oh, get it off!
508
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,967
Mike sr: And where do
you suggest I put it?
509
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,168
Why don't you put it up your--
510
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:12,336
[all yell]
511
00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:14,038
They can't stay
in the same room anymore!
512
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,273
Just let him say it!
Let him say it!
513
00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:23,047
[all yelling over each other]
514
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:26,583
♪
515
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:30,721
♪
516
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:34,525
♪
517
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:38,795
♪
518
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:43,000
♪
519
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:46,636
♪
35988
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