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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,226 --> 00:00:03,961 - My husband died for nothing, 2 00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,380 and I'm beginning to think I didn't even know him. 3 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:07,508 - What do you want to build, Jules? 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,509 Who do you want to be? 5 00:00:08,510 --> 00:00:10,092 - I can't wait for you to screw up 6 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,094 so you can call me. 7 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,096 - Why does he have this? - It was your dad's. 8 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,182 - I don't believe exercise can be fun. 9 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,726 - Okay, in my dance class, we pose through the pain. 10 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,186 - [laughs] 11 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,771 - I want to believe this was an accident, 12 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,940 but I just don't know. 13 00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:28,444 - I have spent four months blaming the universe, 14 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:33,783 and maybe the one I really should be angry with is Matt. 15 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,451 - I don't know what you want me to say. 16 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,161 - I want you to tell me if you think he jumped. 17 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,413 - Maybe! 18 00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:41,583 Maybe. 19 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:47,088 [soft music] 20 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:54,096 ♪ ♪ 21 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,063 - How'd you get it again? 22 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,066 - [groans] 23 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,946 Special ops mission in Paraguay. 24 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:14,240 Top secret, I shouldn't even be talking to you about it. 25 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:18,536 - I thought it was a battle with a velociraptor 26 00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:22,456 after your DeLorean broke down. - Nope. 27 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,625 - How'd you get it again? 28 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:27,920 - We were dropping in by parachute 29 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:31,841 to maintain the element of surprise. 30 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,634 But unfortunately, the only thing 31 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,262 I caught by surprise was a jaguar. 32 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:40,558 - You ever gonna tell me what really happened? 33 00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:44,354 - Just some stupid accident from when I was a kid. 34 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,858 - How'd you get it again? 35 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,278 - [groans softly] 36 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:55,908 - You know, you never really talk about your childhood. 37 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,754 [bottles rattling] 38 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,302 [items clattering] 39 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:20,431 [indistinct speech on TV] 40 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,434 [chuckles] 41 00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:32,361 - Why are you awake? - The tragedy of my life. 42 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,905 - Same. 43 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,162 Step Four. 44 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:47,917 I'm supposed to make a moral inventory, 45 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:50,253 which is basically a catalog 46 00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:51,963 of all the not-good things I've done. 47 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,339 - Mm. 48 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,885 - Every lie, every mistake, every insecurity. 49 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,055 And I'm supposed to be rigorously honest 50 00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:04,559 so that I understand myself 51 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,186 and the choices I've made. 52 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,604 It's not fun. 53 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,773 - No, that sounds like literal hell. 54 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,233 - It is, 55 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,987 which is why I'm watching "Real Housewives" instead. 56 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:20,658 [indistinct speech on TV] 57 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,451 - Is she throwing a welcome-home party 58 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,620 for her new boobs? 59 00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:25,663 - Yep, that's what this show is. 60 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:31,544 It's like, these housewives pull these crazy stunts 61 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,462 to distract themselves from the fact 62 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:36,674 that they're barely functioning alcoholics. 63 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,593 [both laugh] 64 00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:41,053 I really missed my calling. - Mm-hmm. 65 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,181 What would your tagline be? 66 00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,099 - I'm Jules. 67 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:49,228 I may stab you in the front, but I'll always have your back. 68 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,897 - That's good. 69 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:54,066 [both laugh] 70 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,235 - Oh, what would mine be? - [sighs] 71 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,487 Oh. 72 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,156 I'm Leigh. 73 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:03,034 If you want my advice, you won't have to ask. 74 00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,535 Exactly. 75 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,329 [both laugh] 76 00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,372 - You're killing it. 77 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,251 [both laugh] 78 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,882 - So why are you really up? 79 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:23,222 - I'm not sure if Matt's death was an accident. 80 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:30,520 [somber music] 81 00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:36,359 ♪ ♪ 82 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,570 [indistinct chatter] 83 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,032 - [sighs] Hey. - Hey. 84 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,787 I got this for you. 85 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,331 It's my peace offering. 86 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:53,459 It was really nice... 87 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,545 of you to come to my birthday, 88 00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,964 and I shouldn't have come at you like that. 89 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:01,467 - Ooh, oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, my God. 90 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,512 - Sorry, that's gluten-free. It was all they had. 91 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,515 - You suck at apologizing. 92 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:14,605 - Can I ask you something about Matt? 93 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,274 - If it's the same question you asked me 94 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,608 at your birthday, absolutely not. 95 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,110 I'm not doing that... again. - Yeah, no. 96 00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:21,362 No one wants to... do that again. 97 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,823 I just want to... 98 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,742 know what he was like as a kid. 99 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,537 - Why? 100 00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:30,329 - Because I met him after college, 101 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,290 and I know a lot about the after, 102 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:36,127 not much about the before because he... 103 00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:38,254 never wanted to talk about his childhood. 104 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,964 - You know, people who want to talk about their childhoods 105 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,674 are weird, so... 106 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,051 - I just want to know things about him 107 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,762 that I didn't get to know. 108 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:52,393 Like, he had this scar on his back, 109 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:55,146 and he said he got it when he was a kid, 110 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:57,691 so I was wondering... - What are you... 111 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,652 What are you wondering? 112 00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:07,617 - Matt said that his depression was biopsychosocial, 113 00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:10,661 psycho being his personality... 114 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:14,082 - Maybe psycho is just your personality, Leigh. 115 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,461 - Psycho like psychology. - Oh. 116 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,838 - Bio like biology, and... 117 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,883 the social was how he was raised, 118 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,010 so I'm just trying to understand 119 00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,471 the family dynamic so that I can... 120 00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,389 - What do you want me to tell you? 121 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:34,602 That my dad was too tired to go to my third grade recital? 122 00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,938 Yeah, you got me. 123 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:40,316 Our childhood was a nightmare. 124 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,776 House on a cul-de-sac. 125 00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,402 Uh... - Mm. 126 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,781 - Parents been married for 30 years. 127 00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,991 - Okay, whatever. I'll just ask your mom. 128 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,576 - Don't... don't ask my mom about that. 129 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,870 Don't ask her what you asked me at the party. 130 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,872 Actually, don't ask her anything. 131 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,833 Like, at all. - She's still my mother-in-law. 132 00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:58,043 - Is she? - Mm-hmm. 133 00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,169 - You're saying that like you two 134 00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:00,920 have an actual relationship. 135 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,881 You haven't even seen her since the funeral. 136 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:07,510 I don't know what's going on, but... 137 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:11,305 whatever meltdown you're having this week, 138 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,392 leave my mother out of it. 139 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,816 - [sighs] Leigh. 140 00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:23,401 - Hey, Bobby. 141 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:26,654 - Hi. - Hi. 142 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,281 - [chuckles] 143 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,158 Come, come in. 144 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,578 - Hey. 145 00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,997 - The cheesy mash should be done in a minute. 146 00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,624 I made it with instant potatoes. 147 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,960 No lumps, just like your father made it. 148 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,336 - Mom, he made those, like, one time. 149 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,088 - Oh, your brother called. He'll be a few minutes late. 150 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,923 But we have the movie in the player already 151 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,925 for when he gets here. - Mom, can we just start? 152 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,802 I mean, he's seen it, like, 5,000 times. 153 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,054 He won't care. 154 00:07:51,055 --> 00:07:52,763 - I have to... Be right back. 155 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:55,641 - [sighs] 156 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,352 - Hey. 157 00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,938 What's going on with you? 158 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:04,150 She just wants to celebrate your dad. 159 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,402 - Yeah, and he's bringing as much joy and happiness now 160 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,363 as he did when he was still alive. 161 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,742 I hate this day. 162 00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,036 Don't want to have an anniversary party 163 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:15,037 for my dead dad. 164 00:08:15,038 --> 00:08:17,413 I just want to... shove my feelings down 165 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,457 and ignore them like white people. 166 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:22,543 - Oh, well, tell me more about white people. 167 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,961 - Mm-hmm. 168 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,714 Uh, white people like spreading smallpox through blankets 169 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,341 and taking improv classes. 170 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,594 - [laughs] 171 00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:36,933 I know that this is hard for you. 172 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:40,687 But I think it means a lot to your mom. 173 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,825 - Hey, Mom? You need some help? 174 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,288 - Just a minute ago. 175 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:02,291 [chuckles] I know, right? 176 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:05,753 Okay. Okay, sweetie. See you then. 177 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,589 So that was Danny. He said he's gonna swing by. 178 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:10,216 - Great. 179 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,094 - So I have Earl Grey 180 00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:15,388 or mint tea 181 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,848 or chamomile if you want. 182 00:09:16,849 --> 00:09:18,182 I can, uh... 183 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:22,228 - Um, I... I'll just have whatever you're having. 184 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,022 - Okay. 185 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,533 - I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. 186 00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,787 - No, it's okay. It's a long drive. 187 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,375 So how are you? - How are you? 188 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:48,171 [both chuckle] 189 00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:51,048 I really am sorry. I-I... 190 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,718 could have at least called. 191 00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:56,929 - Leigh, it's... it's okay. 192 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,973 This is hard. 193 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:01,225 And just as long as it doesn't take another 194 00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:03,144 four long months for your next visit. 195 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:06,815 - No, it won't. I promise. 196 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,861 It's really nice being here. 197 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,998 [laughs] 198 00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:26,167 Do you have any more... 199 00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,085 pictures of Matt when he was a kid? 200 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,755 'Cause he never really kept many at the apartment. 201 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,423 - Oh, honey. 202 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,758 How much time do you have? 203 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,302 Come, come, come. 204 00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:40,348 [groovy music playing] 205 00:10:40,349 --> 00:10:44,101 ♪ ♪ 206 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,811 - Hi. 207 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,980 - Hi. - Hey. 208 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,107 - Oh, was it your jacket that we found at the party? 209 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,944 I can text Leigh and see if she's still at the house. 210 00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:55,863 - What? No, uh... 211 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:59,325 I'm here for the dance party. - Oh! 212 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,494 Uh, awesome. 213 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:04,372 Yeah, just go get a spot. We're about to get started. 214 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:05,999 - Okay. 215 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,346 - [laughs] 216 00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:25,561 That's sweet. 217 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,942 Oh, my God, Danny. - [laughs] 218 00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:36,404 Just could never smile right. - Yeah. 219 00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,114 - They all look like that till he got to high school. 220 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,116 - [laughs] 221 00:11:39,117 --> 00:11:41,784 - And by then, he was too cool to smile at all. 222 00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,288 - Ah, that makes sense. - [laughs] 223 00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,790 - Oh, there's Matt in chess club. 224 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,334 - Yeah, he loved to play. 225 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:53,379 James started teaching him around, like, five or six. 226 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,923 Now, you'd think a kid that little would be too squirrely. 227 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:58,634 But not Matt. Mm-mm. 228 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,636 [chuckles] 229 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:03,765 The two of them used to sit at that chessboard for hours. 230 00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:09,061 With the town house, I've been trying to downsize, 231 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:12,607 and I thought you might like to have it. 232 00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:14,901 - Mom, I barely have time to grade papers, 233 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:16,069 let alone play chess. 234 00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:17,445 You should give this to Danny. 235 00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:19,155 - Hell no. You the chess champ. 236 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:21,824 - "You are." Danny, grammar, please. 237 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,868 Look, Grandpa gave it to Daddy, 238 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,411 and Daddy wanted to give it to you 239 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,205 so that someday, you could play with your own 240 00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:29,040 son or daughter. 241 00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:31,167 - It's just gonna collect dust. - Oh, that's okay. 242 00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,211 You'll have it when you need it. 243 00:12:32,212 --> 00:12:33,961 - No, Mom. We don't have the space. 244 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,671 - I'm sure you can find some space... 245 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,591 - Mom, I don't want it. 246 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,470 - Okay, you know what? 247 00:12:41,471 --> 00:12:43,721 I think, that, um, everyone's tired. 248 00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:46,682 And it's just getting a bit late, so... 249 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,978 I think I'll just go get some leftovers for everybody. 250 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:54,565 [soft music] 251 00:12:54,566 --> 00:13:00,905 ♪ ♪ 252 00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,990 - Let's just take it. 253 00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,368 We can find a place for it. 254 00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,371 - I hate chess. 255 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:13,251 - I'm sorry I never got to meet James. 256 00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:16,712 - That man read everything under the sun. 257 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:19,048 You two could have talked books for hours. 258 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,008 - Yeah? 259 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,094 - Yeah, you would have loved each other. 260 00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,930 And he was easy on the eyes. - Oh, yeah? 261 00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:28,141 - Where do you think Matt got his good looks from? 262 00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:31,519 Let me show you. 263 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:37,024 He was so busy with all his... papers 264 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,901 and conferences. 265 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,112 Let me see. 266 00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:44,782 Yeah, he was such a... good provider. 267 00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:47,368 Oh, there he is. - Hmm. 268 00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,453 - Look at that fine man. 269 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:51,581 - Yeah. 270 00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:54,292 - Mm. 271 00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:57,879 - Um, what happened to... 272 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,048 to Matt's back? 273 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,217 - What was that? I-I... 274 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,635 I think that Matt and Danny, 275 00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,138 they were just messing around, I think. 276 00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:10,475 - Well, that's some serious messing around. 277 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,187 - There's my baby. 278 00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:17,231 Oh, I am so glad you could swing by. 279 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,233 [laughs] Mm. 280 00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:22,069 - I didn't know we were, uh, having a, uh, family reunion. 281 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,197 - Oh, so nice. 282 00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:26,616 And we were just talking about your brother, right? 283 00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:28,534 Can I get you something? 284 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,286 - Um, some water. - Oh, of course. 285 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,913 You want anything? - No, I'm fine. 286 00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:32,956 Thank you. - Okay. 287 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,501 - I told you to leave my mom out of this. 288 00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:39,128 - I can spend time with her. She's my family too. 289 00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,340 - Are you serious right now with this? 290 00:14:43,509 --> 00:14:44,718 - Here we go. 291 00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:49,055 [sighs] Good. 292 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,057 - Thanks, Mom. You good? 293 00:14:50,058 --> 00:14:51,807 - Oh, yeah, fine. 294 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,351 My family's here. 295 00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,645 So let's sit. Let's catch up. 296 00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:56,855 - Hmm! Mm-hmm. 297 00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:03,986 - And turn to the left. 298 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,280 [upbeat music playing] 299 00:15:05,281 --> 00:15:08,866 Right, left. 300 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,451 And eight counts of ponies. 301 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:12,245 - ♪ Love me, love me ♪ 302 00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:14,830 ♪ Pretend that you love me ♪ 303 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,415 ♪ Leave me, leave me ♪ 304 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,584 ♪ Just say that ♪ 305 00:15:17,585 --> 00:15:20,795 - Okay, uh, it's okay if you're not perfect. 306 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:22,547 It's okay if you mess up. 307 00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:24,882 You are not... 308 00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,634 your mistakes. 309 00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:29,387 - ♪ For you to love me, love me ♪ 310 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,013 [music muffles] 311 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,850 - [exhales deeply] 312 00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:35,351 - ♪ Say that you need me ♪ 313 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,812 - Uh, we're gonna go back to the... 314 00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:39,146 - Ponies? - Ponies, exactly. 315 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:42,984 - ♪ Anything but you ♪ 316 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,112 ♪ Anything but ♪ 317 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,831 - Hey. 318 00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,501 Are you okay? 319 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,212 - Not really. 320 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:06,090 - [sighs] 321 00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:08,426 Richard told me about your recovery. 322 00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,803 I hope that's okay. 323 00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:14,724 - Richard is my mom's ex-husband, 324 00:16:14,725 --> 00:16:18,979 my sister's dad, and my nothing. 325 00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,231 - You... we don't know each other very well, 326 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:25,943 but what I know about you, I really like. 327 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:29,406 And every sober day is a miracle. 328 00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:33,409 - Are you a friend of Bill's? 329 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:34,620 - Friend-adjacent. 330 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:42,251 - I, um, texted my sponsor, but she can't talk until 5:00. 331 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,379 - Well, let me take you home, then. 332 00:16:48,634 --> 00:16:51,219 - I can't go home right now. 333 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,471 - My home. 334 00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,020 - How old was he when he made this? 335 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:04,357 - Oh, 11, 12, I guess. 336 00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:06,400 He was always drawing. 337 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,528 I had to bribe him with Pentel brush pens 338 00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:10,321 to make him do his homework. 339 00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:11,864 [laughs] 340 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,200 - It's good. - Mm. 341 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,910 - It's intense. 342 00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:17,328 - [chuckles] 343 00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:19,414 Well, that was Matt. 344 00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:28,422 - Was Matt ever depressed as a kid? 345 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:31,634 - Your generation is always trying to put labels on things. 346 00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:34,720 Depression, ADHD, gluten allergies. 347 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,430 Nothing but excuses. 348 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,808 - Yeah, I only ask because, um, 349 00:17:38,809 --> 00:17:42,228 you know Matt was on antidepressants since college. 350 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,313 - Leigh, you don't need to bother 351 00:17:43,314 --> 00:17:44,939 my mother with that stuff. 352 00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,399 - I just want to know what Matt was like 353 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,651 before I knew him and... and... 354 00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:51,028 like, if something happened to him 355 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,824 when he was growing up that... - What are you talking about? 356 00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:58,452 - Matt never talked about his childhood 357 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:01,372 or his dad or his scar. 358 00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:03,082 - That's what you've been getting at this whole time? 359 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,126 Are you kidding me? 360 00:18:04,127 --> 00:18:05,626 That's your... that's your one explanation 361 00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:08,379 for why a black man has a scar he never wants to talk about? 362 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,381 You gonna ask me if my dad was an addict too? 363 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:11,799 - No, no, no, that's not... 364 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,302 that is not what I meant at all. 365 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:16,304 I'm... 366 00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:18,639 No, I... Oh, God. 367 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,976 I am... just working 368 00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:24,478 with the information that I have 369 00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,314 to try and understand, 370 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,941 and... and if I'm wrong, I apologize. 371 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,194 - Yeah, well... well, you are. 372 00:18:30,195 --> 00:18:32,361 My husband was a... a good father 373 00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:33,821 and never laid a hand on my boys. 374 00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:35,573 And Matt's scar, it was his fault. 375 00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:37,158 He was roughhousing with... with Danny, 376 00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,368 and he hurt himself. 377 00:18:38,369 --> 00:18:40,161 - So... so why wouldn't he just tell me that? 378 00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,746 - I-I guess because he felt bad. 379 00:18:41,747 --> 00:18:43,873 We... we had to, uh, take him to get stitches, 380 00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:46,167 and we had to leave, uh, Danny's game. 381 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,044 I think it was the Little League playoffs or something. 382 00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:49,254 - It was tryouts. 383 00:18:49,255 --> 00:18:50,671 - Yeah, well, something like that. 384 00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,757 I can never get the details right. 385 00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:54,717 - It was tryouts, and it wasn't Matt's fault. 386 00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,385 It was Dad's because he wouldn't get out of bed. 387 00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,012 - Oh, Danny, please don't be so dramatic. 388 00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,889 - We were late, and I was gonna have to wait 389 00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:01,682 a whole nother year if we didn't get there. 390 00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:03,935 Matt begged him, even tried to drag him out of bed. 391 00:19:03,936 --> 00:19:05,853 Dad didn't move. Matt got pissed, 392 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,396 started whaling on him until Dad pushed him 393 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,190 into the closet door and broke the mirror. 394 00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,192 - Your brother never should have come 395 00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,235 at your father like that! 396 00:19:11,236 --> 00:19:13,110 - He never got out of bed! He was always in bed. 397 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,363 He would go to work, 398 00:19:14,364 --> 00:19:15,905 give everything to a bunch of strangers, 399 00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:18,157 and there was never anything left for us. 400 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,451 - So you're saying that your father was a bad parent 401 00:19:19,452 --> 00:19:20,868 because he went to work every day? 402 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:24,121 - No, I'm saying that he was depressed! 403 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,873 He was depressed, and so was Matt. 404 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:28,000 And maybe if you would have just actually acknowledged 405 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,587 and have dealt with that fact, Matt might still be here! 406 00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,800 - That's what you think? 407 00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,261 Okay. 408 00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,229 - At least you got your answers, right? 409 00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:57,322 - My mom was in and out of AA my whole life. 410 00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:02,995 It just... never seemed to stick for her. 411 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,332 Al-Anon did for me. 412 00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:12,588 So I'm here to listen if you want to talk. 413 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,925 - [grunts] 414 00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,428 Yeah, thanks. 415 00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:25,726 [inhales deeply] 416 00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:30,063 The night before Matt died, he called me. 417 00:20:31,607 --> 00:20:36,485 I was drunk and had driven over tire spikes the wrong way, 418 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,197 so Leigh was coming to get me, and... 419 00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:41,699 I didn't want a lecture. 420 00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,619 So I didn't answer. 421 00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:48,497 What if he needed me? 422 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:52,376 What if he was calling because... 423 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:55,755 I don't know, because he wanted to tell me something? 424 00:20:55,756 --> 00:20:58,966 - Or maybe he was just calling to give you a lecture. 425 00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:01,010 Or maybe he was calling to let you know 426 00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:03,055 that Leigh was close by. 427 00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:07,642 - I still should have picked up. 428 00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:12,313 I'm never getting that chance back, and... 429 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:17,401 this stupid inventory thing, I mean, I... 430 00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,320 When I tell Leigh, she's gonna freak out. 431 00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:22,698 - Why would you tell Leigh? 432 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,617 Jules, I know you feel bad about this, 433 00:21:24,618 --> 00:21:26,118 but you're gonna have to feel bad 434 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,287 without bringing her into it. 435 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:30,831 She's got enough going on without... 436 00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:32,793 having to make you feel better. 437 00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:38,381 Sometimes the more generous act is... 438 00:21:38,382 --> 00:21:40,551 to just keep things to yourself. 439 00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:54,857 - Hi. - Come in. 440 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:06,742 Do you really think... that Matt... 441 00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:08,995 - No. 442 00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:11,497 No. 443 00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,249 And Danny doesn't really think that. 444 00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:15,294 He was just lashing out. 445 00:22:17,838 --> 00:22:22,425 I just came because... 446 00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:24,928 I wanted to feel close to him. 447 00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:31,517 - You know why I thought you came? 448 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,269 - No. 449 00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:36,856 - Well, I haven't seen you since... Matt died, 450 00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:40,067 and it's only about four months ago, 451 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:43,863 and... and... you wanted to see his baby pictures, 452 00:22:43,864 --> 00:22:47,325 and I thought... 453 00:22:47,326 --> 00:22:50,245 I really thought you were gonna tell me you were pregnant. 454 00:22:52,206 --> 00:22:54,081 - Oh. 455 00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:57,043 Uh, no, I'm... 456 00:22:57,044 --> 00:23:00,547 I'm not, sorry. - I know. 457 00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:07,762 I just desperately wanted a... a piece of him in this world. 458 00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:10,640 [somber music] 459 00:23:10,641 --> 00:23:13,267 When you have a child, 460 00:23:13,268 --> 00:23:15,978 you never think... 461 00:23:15,979 --> 00:23:18,064 you never think... 462 00:23:18,065 --> 00:23:20,067 [inhales sharply] 463 00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:27,114 I-I did the best I could. 464 00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:30,452 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 465 00:23:32,704 --> 00:23:36,290 - [sniffles] 466 00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:39,752 - Matt was my... favorite person. 467 00:23:39,753 --> 00:23:42,338 - [chuckles] 468 00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:44,882 - You made him. 469 00:23:44,883 --> 00:23:47,010 You raised him. 470 00:23:49,596 --> 00:23:52,224 And he was amazing. 471 00:23:53,976 --> 00:23:55,726 - He was. 472 00:23:55,727 --> 00:23:58,855 - Yeah. 473 00:23:58,856 --> 00:24:04,235 ♪ ♪ 474 00:24:04,236 --> 00:24:07,029 Why didn't you just take the whole set? 475 00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:08,407 - I just wanted the one piece. 476 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,001 [knock at door] 477 00:24:25,174 --> 00:24:29,135 - Hi, I'm... 478 00:24:29,136 --> 00:24:31,387 I'm sorry. 479 00:24:31,388 --> 00:24:36,142 And I'm sorry that I have to keep saying I'm sorry. 480 00:24:36,143 --> 00:24:37,603 - Don't be. 481 00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:02,585 - [inhales] 482 00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:05,671 I just wish that, um... 483 00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:08,966 that Matt... 484 00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,510 was comfortable sharing with me, 485 00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:12,596 like, everything that I heard today. 486 00:25:14,723 --> 00:25:18,684 - I mean, it's not... not like he didn't trust you. 487 00:25:18,685 --> 00:25:23,564 That scar was... 488 00:25:23,565 --> 00:25:27,276 everything he hated about our childhood. 489 00:25:27,277 --> 00:25:30,488 He didn't... he didn't want to deal with it. 490 00:25:30,489 --> 00:25:32,823 - And I think I-I, um... 491 00:25:32,824 --> 00:25:34,117 I went to your mom's house, like, 492 00:25:34,118 --> 00:25:36,369 looking for someone to blame, because if it was her fault 493 00:25:36,370 --> 00:25:39,247 or your father's fault or your whole family's fault, 494 00:25:39,248 --> 00:25:40,915 um, then it... 495 00:25:40,916 --> 00:25:45,337 then it didn't have to be my fault that he was unhappy. 496 00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:49,882 - Wasn't your fault, Leigh. 497 00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:51,759 - I just really wanted to make him happy, 498 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,137 and I don't know if I did. 499 00:25:57,891 --> 00:26:01,102 - Come here. Let me show you something. 500 00:26:01,103 --> 00:26:03,604 Can I show you something? 501 00:26:03,605 --> 00:26:04,857 [computer blipping] 502 00:26:04,858 --> 00:26:06,691 [video volume increases] 503 00:26:06,692 --> 00:26:08,109 [people cheering] 504 00:26:08,110 --> 00:26:13,030 Oh, my God! Oh! 505 00:26:13,031 --> 00:26:14,991 [people clamoring] 506 00:26:14,992 --> 00:26:17,994 Oh, my God. What are you doing? 507 00:26:17,995 --> 00:26:22,164 [people cheering] - [laughs] 508 00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:26,419 - Oh, my God. You are the worst. 509 00:26:26,420 --> 00:26:28,504 This is the saddest... ever. 510 00:26:28,505 --> 00:26:30,298 The saddest... ever, look. 511 00:26:30,299 --> 00:26:32,717 Flip cup... come here, bro. 512 00:26:32,718 --> 00:26:36,220 Flip cup with orange soda, listening to Jack Johnson. 513 00:26:36,221 --> 00:26:37,889 That's how you spent your last night of freedom, bro. 514 00:26:37,890 --> 00:26:38,932 - Oh, yeah? 515 00:26:38,933 --> 00:26:40,725 - Remember that 20 years from now. 516 00:26:40,726 --> 00:26:42,560 20 years from now. 517 00:26:42,561 --> 00:26:44,228 You're sitting on the couch watching this 518 00:26:44,229 --> 00:26:45,771 with your boring wife and your light-ass kids. 519 00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:47,106 Look at her. 520 00:26:47,107 --> 00:26:48,317 [laughs] 521 00:26:48,318 --> 00:26:49,984 Ew, gross. 522 00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:52,820 Hey, man, it's not too late to change your mind. 523 00:26:52,821 --> 00:26:54,822 You know it's not. - Yeah, well, never. 524 00:26:54,823 --> 00:26:56,741 - What? - Ah! 525 00:26:56,742 --> 00:27:00,369 [people cheering] 526 00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:02,914 [audio scrambles] 527 00:27:02,915 --> 00:27:05,917 [soft music] 528 00:27:05,918 --> 00:27:10,338 - You gonna tell me that guy isn't happy? 529 00:27:10,339 --> 00:27:12,256 - Thank you. 530 00:27:12,257 --> 00:27:19,264 ♪ ♪ 531 00:27:22,017 --> 00:27:24,685 - I have some more of Matt playing charades later. 532 00:27:24,686 --> 00:27:27,104 You want to watch it? - Yeah, immediately. 533 00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:29,398 ♪ ♪ 534 00:27:29,399 --> 00:27:30,442 - [laughs] 535 00:27:30,443 --> 00:27:32,443 - Let's go, bring it home for the home team. 536 00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:34,403 - No, this is impossible. I won't... 537 00:27:34,404 --> 00:27:35,405 - No, no, no, no, no. 538 00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:36,573 If you pulled it, you have to play. 539 00:27:36,574 --> 00:27:37,907 There's no passing. - Yeah, I'm starting 540 00:27:37,908 --> 00:27:39,242 the timer right now. - Here we go. 541 00:27:39,243 --> 00:27:40,660 - It's already started. - Come on, man. 542 00:27:40,661 --> 00:27:42,537 - Come on, dude. - Okay, um... 543 00:27:42,538 --> 00:27:43,955 - Let's get it. Let's get it. This is game time. 544 00:27:43,956 --> 00:27:45,331 - Um... 545 00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:48,376 - Two, two words. Two words, two words. Okay. 546 00:27:48,377 --> 00:27:50,628 - Four, four... four words. 547 00:27:50,629 --> 00:27:54,298 Four syllables. Ten seconds! 548 00:27:54,299 --> 00:27:56,467 - [laughs] - Oh, man. 549 00:27:56,468 --> 00:27:59,470 ♪ ♪ 550 00:27:59,471 --> 00:28:02,473 [indistinct chatter] 551 00:28:02,474 --> 00:28:08,521 ♪ ♪ 552 00:28:08,522 --> 00:28:11,984 Oh, it's amazing. - [laughs] 553 00:28:24,496 --> 00:28:26,914 I know I should pull it together for my best friend, 554 00:28:26,915 --> 00:28:28,332 but if I stay, I'm gonna lose it, 555 00:28:28,333 --> 00:28:30,251 and I don't want to make this about me. 556 00:28:30,252 --> 00:28:32,211 - Oh, my God. Leigh? 557 00:28:32,212 --> 00:28:33,213 Ginny Maxwell. 558 00:28:33,214 --> 00:28:34,589 I did the flowers for your wedding. 559 00:28:34,590 --> 00:28:36,007 Is Matt here too? 560 00:28:36,008 --> 00:28:38,634 - This wedding is making me feel really, really single. 561 00:28:38,635 --> 00:28:39,803 - Me too. 562 00:28:39,804 --> 00:28:42,805 When I was drinking, I had no problem meeting people. 563 00:28:42,806 --> 00:28:45,099 - She's been sober for almost five months. 564 00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:46,642 - Her compass is broken. 565 00:28:46,643 --> 00:28:48,603 She gets too close to people too fast. 566 00:28:48,604 --> 00:28:51,189 - That dude is definitely swiping right on you right now. 567 00:28:51,190 --> 00:28:54,066 - Um, I guess I should go see if it's a match. 568 00:28:54,067 --> 00:28:55,527 Don't wait up. 39696

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