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1
00:00:05,620 --> 00:00:07,630
Mr. and Miss Bealer are
charged with instigating
2
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:10,540
a food fight at the Times
Square Bubba Gump shrimp.
3
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,210
Interesting.
4
00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:15,920
I didn't know they served
food at Bubba Gump Shrimp.
5
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:17,960
In their statement,
6
00:00:18,010 --> 00:00:19,299
that couple blames their altercation
7
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:20,920
on the restaurant's
lack of self service,
8
00:00:20,970 --> 00:00:24,160
forcing them to quote,
"talk to each other."
9
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:27,210
I know there are disagreements
in every marriage,
10
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,480
but culinary violence
is never the answer.
11
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:32,440
$100 fine.
12
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,880
Believe it or not, you're the
third defendants this week
13
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:35,940
with shrimp in their hair.
14
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,849
Couples like that are
why I don't want to rush
15
00:00:39,850 --> 00:00:41,620
into a relationship with Jake.
16
00:00:41,670 --> 00:00:43,800
Right now, it's just so new and fun.
17
00:00:43,850 --> 00:00:45,920
We can't stop talking at restaurants.
18
00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:47,350
It takes us forever to order.
19
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,410
Waiters hate us.
20
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:50,240
Trust me, it's not just the waiters.
21
00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:54,020
You're just jealous because
the last woman you dated
22
00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:56,670
is writing you letters on
toilet paper from prison.
23
00:00:57,670 --> 00:00:59,450
She had her letter writing
privileges revoked
24
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:01,540
because she was using
her pen as a shovel.
25
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,630
Wow, your relationships
make me feel a lot better
26
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,400
about my horrendous divorce.
27
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,950
Next up, The People
versus Pete McGuiness.
28
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,520
Mr. McGuiness is a landlord
29
00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:15,010
charged with excessive use of force,
30
00:01:15,050 --> 00:01:17,360
for physically throwing his
tenants out onto the streets.
31
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,480
And who are the tenants?
32
00:01:21,710 --> 00:01:23,190
Hello, Judge.
33
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,330
It's so nice and warm in here.
34
00:01:25,380 --> 00:01:28,200
I should like to stay forever.
35
00:01:30,130 --> 00:01:32,180
He forcibly removed orphans?
36
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:34,610
They're not orphans.
37
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:35,969
They're a children's theater troupe
38
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:37,630
that only does "Oliver".
39
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:42,270
The defendant ruthlessly punted
the actors out on to the street
40
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:44,394
after he double booked his
property as a wedding venue.
41
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:45,981
Which means that if
you rule in the favor
42
00:01:45,982 --> 00:01:50,260
of these fame hungry pre-adults,
43
00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:53,640
you'll be blowing up countless weddings.
44
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:57,610
You better not be blowing
up my wedding, Tiny.
45
00:02:00,810 --> 00:02:03,670
Did I mention that one of the
weddings is Roz Russell's?
46
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,310
The court directs the cute orphan
47
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,620
to please make big sad eyes at Roz.
48
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,170
Will you be my mum?
49
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,920
Oh, shut up.
50
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:25,010
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
51
00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:27,020
Sorry you lost your venue.
52
00:02:27,070 --> 00:02:29,280
You know what, though?
Big weddings are over hyped.
53
00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:31,310
Sarah and I actually considered eloping.
54
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:34,520
I wouldn't want any witnesses
if I was marrying you either.
55
00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:39,980
Think I found a great
place for your wedding.
56
00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:43,000
It's in the heart of Manhattan,
it's an historical landmark,
57
00:02:43,050 --> 00:02:44,830
and it has so many security cameras,
58
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,780
you can fire your videographer.
59
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:50,150
- She's talking about here.
- I'm talking about here.
60
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,830
Considering the wedding is tomorrow,
61
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:54,410
what the hell choice do I have?
62
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,860
That's the quiet resignation
I was hoping for.
63
00:02:57,620 --> 00:03:00,000
And the best part is the place
comes with an officiant
64
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,280
who's never had the honor,
65
00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:03,460
but suspects it's the thing
they were born to do.
66
00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,470
- She's talking about her.
- I'm talking about me!
67
00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:09,750
We have an officiant.
I'd invite you as a guest,
68
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:14,140
but we're still waiting
on a couple of RSVPs.
69
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:17,520
Dan, are you seriously considering
not going to Roz's wedding?
70
00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:20,850
I'm seriously considering not
going anywhere ever again.
71
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,300
That's fine.
72
00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:24,420
I don't need him there drinking my booze
73
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,373
and throwing rice way too hard.
74
00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:31,570
Okay, since you're both closed
off weirdos, let me translate.
75
00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:34,240
Dan, Roz would like you
to go to her wedding
76
00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:35,880
because you mean a lot to her.
77
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,790
And, Roz, Dan is afraid that
he's gonna have feelings
78
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,400
and people will see he's a person.
79
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:44,040
- Way off.
- Ridiculous.
80
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,630
But yeah, I guess I could stop by.
81
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:51,430
Having you here would be fine.
82
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,140
God, you closed off weirdos
are gonna make me cry.
83
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,270
Maybe losing the venue was
a blessing in disguise.
84
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,220
Well, then we're loaded with blessings
85
00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:04,940
'cause this wedding has already had
so many things go wrong already.
86
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:09,360
I don't mean to eavesdrop,
but I have been.
87
00:04:10,770 --> 00:04:12,450
Have you considered it's sabotage?
88
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:13,780
I mean, I imagine as a PI,
89
00:04:13,830 --> 00:04:15,830
you've made plenty of
enemies along the way.
90
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,970
Sabotage would explain
how we've lost a florist,
91
00:04:19,020 --> 00:04:22,710
a deejay, and most of
our string quartet.
92
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,300
Miss Russell, would you make me
the happiest woman in the world
93
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,050
and let me run security at your wedding?
94
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,560
For free?
95
00:04:28,610 --> 00:04:30,630
You can do whatever the hell you want.
96
00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:34,720
That's the quiet resignation
I was hoping for.
97
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,720
I hope you all have fun at the party.
98
00:04:36,770 --> 00:04:39,500
I'll just be quietly practicing
the electric slide alone,
99
00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:42,280
even though having the
wedding here was my idea.
100
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:46,150
- You can come.
- Yay!
101
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,380
That way, if anything goes wrong,
102
00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:50,530
I can find you
103
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,530
and I can blame you.
104
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,070
Yay.
105
00:04:59,420 --> 00:05:02,650
The ceremony was nice. I guess.
106
00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:03,720
If I was officiating,
107
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,420
I would have done better than
"building this house on love."
108
00:05:06,470 --> 00:05:09,800
2013 called and wants
its metaphors back.
109
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:11,049
You're cute when you're snarky.
110
00:05:11,050 --> 00:05:12,599
You're also cute when you're not snarky.
111
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,100
This is just kind of a long
way of saying you're cute.
112
00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:18,260
And this is kind of a short
way of saying I'm nauseated.
113
00:05:18,310 --> 00:05:21,470
Listen, just because I'm here, don't
expect me to go to your wedding
114
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:25,190
when you decide to
blonde for all eternity.
115
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:28,640
Our wedding? That is the
farthest thing from our minds.
116
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:31,190
Yeah, no, we're just
keeping things casual.
117
00:05:31,260 --> 00:05:33,450
Yeah. Good luck with that.
118
00:05:34,780 --> 00:05:38,380
Weddings are the foot on the
gas of every relationship.
119
00:05:38,430 --> 00:05:40,880
Oof, now I'm gonna have
to learn your name.
120
00:05:40,930 --> 00:05:43,830
I want to say Chester.
121
00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:48,120
That is the dumbest
thing I've ever heard.
122
00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:50,950
Yeah, if anything, I'm more
of a Chase than a Chester.
123
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,500
No, I mean, the idea that this wedding
124
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:55,970
would kick our relationship
into a higher gear.
125
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:57,360
Like just by being here,
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00:05:57,410 --> 00:06:00,740
all of a sudden, I'm gonna be like,
"Oh, you should meet my mom."
127
00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:01,870
I mean, she is in town,
128
00:06:01,925 --> 00:06:04,810
but I'm not introducing her to
someone I'm casually dating.
129
00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:07,920
Yeah, we don't want to bring
a mom into this hotness.
130
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,190
We are nowhere near meeting parents.
131
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,490
Well, parent. I've never
met my biological father.
132
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:17,150
I don't know why I chose this moment
133
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:19,820
to drop that super not casual bomb.
134
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,700
Because Dan is right about weddings.
135
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,470
Maybe we should just
come up with some rules
136
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,540
to keep things light.
137
00:06:25,590 --> 00:06:27,960
I love that. Nothing says fun and casual
138
00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:29,880
like a boatload of rules.
139
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,340
First rule, no heavy conversations.
140
00:06:34,390 --> 00:06:37,360
Yep. Just small talk and
playful banter starting now.
141
00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:38,830
Perfect.
142
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,870
I did consider searching
for my dad once.
143
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,890
Sorry. Now it's out of my system.
144
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,570
So we made it through Roz
and Loretta's ceremony,
145
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,190
but we're not out of the woods yet.
146
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,240
The saboteur could strike at any time.
147
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,530
So I need you hidden, every table,
148
00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:59,110
listening to every conversation.
149
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,990
Beating a confession out of
anyone who looks at us wrong.
150
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,120
Like that guy.
151
00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:07,590
That's Loretta's daddy.
152
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:12,500
Interesting, because he told
me he was Roz's father in law.
153
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:16,420
Someone can't keep his story straight.
154
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,890
I haven't been to a wedding
since my divorce.
155
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,659
I was worried it was gonna
bring up a lot of emotions,
156
00:07:22,660 --> 00:07:26,560
but I'm holding it together
pretty lonely right now.
157
00:07:27,660 --> 00:07:29,200
Here you go.
158
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,090
What are you wearing?
You're supposed to be a waiter.
159
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:35,530
In this dress? No one's gonna buy that.
160
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:39,940
But off your idea, why don't
I go on to cover as a guest?
161
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:41,586
Ooh, I'll start by chatting
up the partners
162
00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,200
at Loretta's law firm.
163
00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:45,420
I don't know. What's your cover story?
164
00:07:45,470 --> 00:07:46,883
I'm a seasoned trial lawyer
165
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,600
who's trying to get out
of a dead end job
166
00:07:48,650 --> 00:07:50,390
where I'm surrounded by bozos.
167
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,250
Oh, you got a real mind for this.
168
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,360
Yeah, but excuse me.
169
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,320
I really shouldn't be seen
talking to the staff.
170
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,180
So, which signature cocktail
do you recommend?
171
00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:07,200
The "I'm Loretta sour"
or "Sex on the Roz"?
172
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,890
- Eight rosés, please.
- Oh, no, Sorry, ma'am.
173
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:12,743
Tonight they're "Roz-és".
174
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,650
They're not for me. I'm at
the unmarried aunts table.
175
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,650
And I'm hoping the wine
works as a mute button.
176
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,740
Oh, okay. Well, you know what?
177
00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:24,252
- Mm-hmm.
- If that doesn't work out,
178
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,840
you can join me at the singles table.
179
00:08:25,910 --> 00:08:26,910
It's largely children.
180
00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:28,049
Their screens have been taken away.
181
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,500
So basically it's just a knife
fight waiting to happen.
182
00:08:31,620 --> 00:08:33,330
Your eight wines, ma'am.
183
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:37,683
Well, how about I drop these
off and meet you back here.
184
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,190
Oh, great.
185
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,260
I can feel you smiling.
186
00:08:43,310 --> 00:08:45,100
And I can feel you feeling.
187
00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:48,260
Banner day, Dan.
188
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,040
- Banner fricking day.
- Just a second.
189
00:08:50,090 --> 00:08:52,440
Hey, Roz, who's that woman?
190
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:53,980
She seems very familiar.
191
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,220
She should.
192
00:08:55,270 --> 00:08:56,860
You argued against her sister
193
00:08:56,910 --> 00:09:00,440
in this courthouse for the
better part of a decade.
194
00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:03,460
That's Christine Sullivan's sister?
195
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,240
Yeah. Katie.
196
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:06,550
We met through Christine
197
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,400
and ended up seeing a lot of each other.
198
00:09:09,450 --> 00:09:11,410
Now Dan wants to see a lot of her.
199
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,360
Too bad she hates him.
200
00:09:14,410 --> 00:09:16,840
- Damn it, Fielding. What did you do?
- Nothing!
201
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:22,200
Well, except maybe moving
to DC to be with Christine,
202
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:23,550
pledging my undying love,
203
00:09:23,570 --> 00:09:27,300
and then just disappearing
with no explanation.
204
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,090
You know, that was a long time ago.
205
00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:32,350
And she didn't seem to hate me just now.
206
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,420
Oh, maybe I didn't tell her who I was.
207
00:09:35,470 --> 00:09:38,220
Well, you don't want
to drink in your face?
208
00:09:38,270 --> 00:09:39,820
I'd keep it that way.
209
00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:42,990
Message received.
210
00:09:44,060 --> 00:09:45,560
Challenge accepted.
211
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:49,570
Flobert, I need your help
making me look good
212
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,320
to someone who hates my guts.
213
00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:55,120
But you cannot say my name,
and you cannot tell Roz.
214
00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:58,800
Roz?! The lady the drink's
named after is here?
215
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,050
Oh.
216
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,920
I hope this goes better than
the time I met Arnold Palmer.
217
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,570
Hi there. Olivia Moore.
218
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,810
So happy for Loretta,
et cetera, et cetera.
219
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,480
Oh, I heard that you're
looking for new associates.
220
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,620
Maybe an outside hire.
221
00:10:15,670 --> 00:10:16,999
Someone who's quietly saying her name
222
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,279
to sneak it into your subconscious.
223
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,640
Olivia.
224
00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:22,030
You're in my seat.
225
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,240
- Devin.
- Olivia.
226
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,720
What's that perfume?
227
00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:28,160
Desperation by Calvin and Hobbes?
228
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,940
So, you work at Loretta's law firm?
229
00:10:31,990 --> 00:10:33,500
Don't tell me you made partner
230
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,510
'cause then I would need
to reintroduce myself
231
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,200
and adjust my tone. Olivia.
232
00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,750
I got passed over, but don't
worry, I got big plans.
233
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,894
So if you'll excuse me, I need
some face time with the boss.
234
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:44,919
I...
235
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,120
Gina, you're looking well. Devin.
236
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,817
Everyone having a good time? Hm?
237
00:10:50,830 --> 00:10:53,080
They come to an end, you know?
238
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,060
Wyatt, you see that guy over there?
239
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,600
He's boss blocking me.
I need you to get him drunk.
240
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,140
Smart, Olivia. Focus on career.
241
00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:03,980
Career can't leave you and
take the dog you've trained.
242
00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:07,570
Flobert, I need you to take
that guy out of commission.
243
00:11:07,620 --> 00:11:10,450
- Booze or poison?
- Thank you.
244
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:15,830
Can I just say we are killing
it at keeping it light.
245
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:18,920
Just casually grinding like you
would any random piece of ass
246
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,630
you meet at a wedding.
247
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,140
Oh, thank you.
248
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:25,920
And let me just say you are
also a hot, disposable rando.
249
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,430
Oh, it's a slow one.
250
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,380
- Nice change of piece.
- Yeah.
251
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,050
- No. No.
- No, not today, wedding!
252
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:40,180
Hold on.
253
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,610
- No!
- What? My shoe's untied.
254
00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:44,230
Tie it tomorrow!
255
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:52,410
Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna
let you in a little secret.
256
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:55,480
When you see "anonymous donor"...
257
00:11:58,420 --> 00:11:59,790
- Here you go, sir.
- Uh-huh.
258
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,140
- Um... Thank you, my man.
- It's an open bar, sir.
259
00:12:02,190 --> 00:12:03,556
Oh, that's for you.
Don't worry about it.
260
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,330
Can't stop giving.
261
00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:07,400
- Wow. A $50!
- Hey!
262
00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:08,900
Uh... You know what?
263
00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:11,340
They should make those different
colors, shouldn't they?
264
00:12:13,550 --> 00:12:18,113
I just realized that I still haven't
gotten your name. I'm Katie.
265
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,110
Oh, I think we've established
that I'm anonymous.
266
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,630
But of course...
of course I have a name.
267
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:30,780
There he is, the bravest, most
decent man I have ever known.
268
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:32,600
This man is a hero.
269
00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:34,820
You know, every year,
he shaves that beard
270
00:12:34,870 --> 00:12:37,520
and sends the hair to
kids in other countries
271
00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:39,770
who can't grow their own beards.
272
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,710
Whatever you're doing, do less.
273
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,830
Copy that.
274
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,460
This man is a coward!
275
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,880
Who hit me with this car and drove away.
276
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:51,604
That was an absurd over correction.
277
00:12:54,590 --> 00:12:57,750
Oh, look at you two talking.
278
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,448
I'll just take this drink out
of your throwing hand.
279
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:05,020
I was just hearing about all
the volunteer work that...
280
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:09,000
Sorry. I still haven't gotten your name.
281
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,820
Oh, did he not volunteer that?
282
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:13,280
Oh, I'm sorry.
283
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:15,100
What's that, sir? Oh, yeah. What?
284
00:13:15,150 --> 00:13:17,660
Oh, you said you would
like to make a toast?
285
00:13:17,710 --> 00:13:19,290
Oh, I'm really not in a good place.
286
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,409
Oh, no. You know, you're right.
287
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:22,540
Let's get you in front of a
microphone. Here we go.
288
00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:24,940
Listen, everybody. Probably
my generous nature talking,
289
00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:28,250
but I think we should give our
full attention to this waiter. Go!
290
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:36,930
Uh, I didn't expect to speak,
but treasure today.
291
00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:40,180
Later you may find yourself
dealing with divorce lawyers
292
00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:42,520
and your ex wife could
have a new boyfriend
293
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:44,860
who gave a toast at your wedding
with a lot of innuendo
294
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,690
you probably should have picked up on.
295
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,180
But true love is worth that risk.
296
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,330
And when you find it...
297
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:00,672
... hold on.
298
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,250
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
299
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,760
Let's hope this doesn't
kick off a wave of toasts.
300
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:07,809
Yeah, the last thing we need is a
bunch of half cocked sap hounds
301
00:14:07,850 --> 00:14:10,400
trying to get us to be all lovey dovey.
302
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:13,180
So if this isn't working on us,
303
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,180
why you holding my hand?
304
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,880
'Cause you're holding
my hand, you sap hound!
305
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:23,540
Oh, you're picturing us playing
with our kids, aren't you?
306
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,110
We're using the cushions from
the couch to build a fort.
307
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,660
Abby, the wedding's winning.
308
00:14:29,710 --> 00:14:31,270
I feel the walls closing in.
309
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,360
It's not the walls.
It's the bouquet toss.
310
00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:35,459
- We got to get out of here!
- You might as well just catch it.
311
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,649
The wedding's not gonna stop
till it gets what it wants.
312
00:14:37,650 --> 00:14:39,120
It's got to catch me first.
313
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,423
Oh.
314
00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:42,950
Oh, go!
315
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,670
I'm starting to think that
Abby might be the saboteur.
316
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,390
That's better than watching them dance.
317
00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:58,720
I heard you tipped the
bartender 50 bucks.
318
00:14:58,770 --> 00:15:02,140
I have been lying to your
ex girlfriend's sister
319
00:15:02,170 --> 00:15:03,970
all night and haven't seen a dime.
320
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:06,920
Thanks a lot, Dan Fielding!
321
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,560
You're Dan Fielding?
322
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,060
So this was you trying to
make yourself look good?
323
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:17,900
No, not at all. I was
just trying to show you
324
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,440
that I am not the man I was.
325
00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:21,870
I've changed.
326
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,240
Oh, I don't know.
327
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:26,180
Because you still seem
like the same selfish jerk
328
00:15:26,230 --> 00:15:29,250
that didn't bother to show
up to my sister's funeral.
329
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,970
No. Kate.
330
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,380
Be a waste not to.
331
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:42,930
There it is.
332
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:45,340
Closing argument for
why we should change
333
00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:47,620
our judicial selection process.
334
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,230
New York State has
tons of pictures of me
335
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:52,360
eating cake off myself,
and I'm still here.
336
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,520
Huh.
337
00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:55,550
Oh, I've got some news.
338
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,780
Katie Sullivan hates me
339
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,250
because I didn't go to
her sister's funeral.
340
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,360
Oh.
341
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:02,560
Sometimes in life...
342
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:06,560
Nope. Can't put a positive
spin on that one.
343
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:08,980
The fact is I was there.
344
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,470
I was hiding behind a
row of poplar trees
345
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,780
'cause I didn't want to intrude.
346
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,660
Christine Sullivan was the
best person I have ever met,
347
00:16:19,710 --> 00:16:21,340
and I was in love with her,
348
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:25,010
and miraculously, she started
to have feelings for me.
349
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:28,920
And I pushed her away and then left
350
00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:34,230
because I thought, you know,
maybe I wasn't good enough for her.
351
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,350
Dan...
352
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,100
- you weren't.
- Hmm.
353
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,200
I can see how fear can make
you push someone away,
354
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,410
sometimes into a cake.
355
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,540
Almost never into a cake.
That's just you.
356
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,200
You know, Christine
made me a better man.
357
00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:54,830
I would have never had
the life I did with Sarah
358
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,580
if it hadn't been for
Christine Sullivan.
359
00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,199
You could say all that to Katie.
360
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,550
Eh, what's the point?
She'd just think I was lying.
361
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,540
Well, I guess the important
thing is that you know, right?
362
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,680
Come on, let's go get
you a Loretta-colada.
363
00:17:09,470 --> 00:17:10,520
Yeah.
364
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,610
Hey, you don't want your copy?
365
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,510
- You clean up nice.
- Hm.
366
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,980
You sure Dan won't mind me
borrowing his spare suit?
367
00:17:32,030 --> 00:17:34,820
Oh, yeah, it's fine.
It's not even his good spare.
368
00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:36,440
- It's the one he eats ribs in.
- Um.
369
00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:38,800
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
370
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:41,880
We said no sharing food,
especially the adorable ones.
371
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:44,630
Well, when I was riding you like
a surfboard into a wedding cake,
372
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,230
I realized it's not the wedding.
373
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:48,460
It's us.
374
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:50,890
I don't want to be casual, Jake.
375
00:17:51,340 --> 00:17:52,570
Oh, me neither.
376
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:54,630
I'm exhausted from being so chill.
377
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,220
The truth is I want to slow dance.
378
00:17:57,270 --> 00:17:59,730
I want to hold hands, and
I want you to meet my mom.
379
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:01,280
I want to meet your mom and your dad.
380
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:03,490
- Still don't know who he is.
- Right.
381
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,200
- Let's start with your mom.
- All right.
382
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,250
Muah.
383
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:07,754
You know what? I'm gonna go call her.
384
00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:08,890
Okay. Okay.
385
00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:10,850
- Just leave the cake-pop.
- Right.
386
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,850
Everyone can relax. The wedding is safe.
387
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,580
- I found our guy.
- Devin?!
388
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:19,090
It's one of yours.
389
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:22,240
You can't prove I did anything.
390
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,720
You're a witness, Counselor.
391
00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:25,680
You're right.
392
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,609
Sure you're bitter that
Loretta got the promotion,
393
00:18:27,610 --> 00:18:29,640
but to sabotage a whole
wedding? Mnh-mnh.
394
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,890
That'd take a far greater
mind than yours.
395
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:35,460
Well, joke's on you because
this isn't a real wedding.
396
00:18:35,510 --> 00:18:39,490
I planted a fake officiant, and
these two never got married.
397
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:41,660
Wait, weren't not really married?
398
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,700
I can feel you smiling.
399
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,360
And I can feel you needing an officiant.
400
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,550
- She just talking about her.
- I'm talking about me!
401
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,370
All rise.
402
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,160
The wedding is now in session.
403
00:19:08,820 --> 00:19:11,890
Welcome, everyone,
to Roz and Loretta take two.
404
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:14,310
I know this wasn't your
first choice of venue.
405
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:15,560
Or second.
406
00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:20,400
We almost converted to get
a synagogue on Long Island.
407
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:23,790
But I think this place is very special.
408
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,170
My dad always said a
million stories came in
409
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,180
through these court room doors.
410
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:31,280
And I personally think the
best kind is a love story.
411
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:32,990
Roz and Loretta,
412
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,570
we are so incredibly lucky
413
00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:36,169
to be witnessing the official beginning
414
00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:38,210
of your love story here tonight.
415
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:41,180
Move it along, Stone.
The deejay's on clock.
416
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,320
By the power vested me
by the State of New York,
417
00:19:44,370 --> 00:19:46,450
I sentence you to eternity together.
418
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,080
$50 fine and time served.
419
00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:49,380
Oh, sorry, reflex.
420
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,340
I don't know why I'm crying.
421
00:19:55,390 --> 00:19:57,120
I don't even know these people.
422
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:02,550
You know something?
423
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:05,360
We keep dancing like this,
Loretta is gonna get jealous.
424
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:08,910
I'm just distracting you so
she can steal your wallet
425
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,740
and get us a better gift.
426
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:14,530
Oh, isn't the best gift friendship?
427
00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,370
Fine. I'll get you some booze.
428
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,080
May I cut in?
429
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:22,540
- Uh, really? I...
- Don't talk.
430
00:20:22,590 --> 00:20:24,590
I have a feeling you're ruin it.
431
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:28,170
- Usually.
- Always.
432
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,320
Abby. Hey, this is my mom, Susan.
433
00:20:35,370 --> 00:20:37,010
Oh, it's so nice to meet you.
434
00:20:37,060 --> 00:20:38,499
I'd say I've heard so much about you,
435
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:41,130
but Jake and I were keep it at
cazsh until like 20 minutes ago.
436
00:20:41,180 --> 00:20:43,650
That's funny because
he told me all about you.
437
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:44,819
Oh.
438
00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:46,920
Thanks, Mom. I'll get you
something from the bar.
439
00:20:46,970 --> 00:20:49,080
Your drink still Scotch
and blabbermouth?
440
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,990
So, is this your first time in New York?
441
00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:54,170
No, I lived here in the '80s.
442
00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:56,330
Before I had Jake,
443
00:20:56,380 --> 00:21:00,176
I actually dated a lawyer who
worked in this courthouse.
444
00:21:00,190 --> 00:21:01,640
What a small world.
445
00:21:01,690 --> 00:21:03,750
I wonder if the guy you dated knew...
446
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:07,440
Huh.
447
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:11,130
How long before Jake was born
did you date this lawyer?
448
00:21:11,180 --> 00:21:12,510
A little under a year.
449
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,110
I'm out of cake pops,
450
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,480
and I think that Dan might
be your boyfriend's dad.
451
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,840
Just so you know, I am real
bad at keeping secrets.
452
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:34,418
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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