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♪ Trailer for sale or rent ♪
2
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♪ Rooms to let 50 cents ♪
3
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♪ No phone, no pool, no pets ♪
4
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:56,559
♪ I ain't got no cigarettes ♪
5
00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:01,560
♪ Ah but, two hours of
pushing broom buys a ♪
6
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,399
♪ Eight by twelve four-bit room ♪
7
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♪ I'm a man of means by no means ♪
8
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♪ King of the road ♪
9
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It's over there.
10
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,320
♪ Third boxcar midnight train ♪
11
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♪ Destination Bangor, Maine ♪
12
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,879
Look at 'em.
13
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,319
Always the same these literary tours.
14
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,719
Book reading psychopaths.
15
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:29,879
Do you remember Joanna
Lumley when she did that
16
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,960
"Places of My Life" tour?
17
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,719
That second day, she barricaded
herself in the toilets.
18
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:39,399
I was slipping her garibaldis
through the ventilation grid.
19
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,200
By the time they got her out of there,
20
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,799
she were blinking at daylight
like a Chilean miner.
21
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,319
Oh, you'll love this one.
22
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,679
Murder mystery writer David Van Der Clane
23
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,639
is gonna show us where
he set all his books.
24
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,640
Mm.
25
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:54,879
Maybe he can identify the
culprit who killed my dreams.
26
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:55,880
Ready?
27
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,439
What sort of a time do you call this?
28
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,879
We've been waiting so long
my leg's gone to sleep.
29
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:03,999
My good leg and all.
30
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,639
Oh, I'm sorry everyone.
31
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:07,840
We hit a deer.
32
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:09,959
Did we?
33
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,399
Oh, goodness, look at her.
34
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,239
She's trembling like a leaf.
35
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,599
I killed a deer once.
36
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,399
That was back when I used to drink.
37
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,759
Threw a brick at its head.
38
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:22,919
It's Terry I feel for,
39
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:23,800
he was driving.
40
00:02:23,801 --> 00:02:25,319
Oh, look at him.
41
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,799
He's ashen.
42
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,999
Like he's had all the
life drained out of him.
43
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,239
Thanks.
44
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,320
Thanks a lot.
45
00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:34,959
Okay?
46
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,560
Shall we get everyone on board?
47
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,599
I'll help you, ma'am.
48
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:42,440
Up you get.
49
00:02:42,441 --> 00:02:44,360
Come on, I want a view.
50
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:48,640
Hi.
51
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,400
Good morning.
52
00:02:51,401 --> 00:02:52,719
You're late.
53
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:53,919
Hello.
54
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,000
Good morning.
55
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:57,999
Um, I need the toilet.
56
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,359
No, Kevin, you've already been.
57
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,240
Ah, gotcha.
58
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,120
Already been.
59
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:02,960
Right.
60
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:03,960
No...
61
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,639
My brother has some memory problems.
62
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,239
Um, he does things that he can't remember
63
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,839
if he's done them at all.
64
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:11,879
Tell me about it.
65
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,599
I've got an all-inclusive holiday in Ibiza
66
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,919
that's still a bit of a blur.
67
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,280
Well that's... delightful.
68
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:25,720
Thank you.
69
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,479
Before we get going, we've
got a bit of rain forecast,
70
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,159
so I will be handing
out your complementary
71
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,359
Draper's Tours pack-a-macs.
72
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,839
Yellow? We're going to look jaundiced.
73
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,479
Mildred's just got over that.
74
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:44,639
She's right.
75
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,959
The nurses said I was
like a friendly lemon.
76
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,520
And so it begins.
77
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,400
Mr. Van Der Clane,
78
00:03:57,401 --> 00:03:59,399
I was getting a little worried about you.
79
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,199
I'm Gemma Draper, from Draper's Tours.
80
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,560
Welcome aboard my four wheeled chariot
81
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,040
of mystery and intrigue.
82
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,559
Under my command, we shall
see all the locations
83
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,480
described in my most popular books.
84
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,720
Who knows where it will take us?
85
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,119
Well we do actually have
quite a detailed itinerary.
86
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,479
And Terry's got a sat nav and everything.
87
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:32,599
And who indeed knows if
we will all make it...
88
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,319
To the end.
89
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,919
From the cathedral location,
90
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,799
where I conceived my very first book,
91
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,960
all the way to the scene
of my most popular novel,
92
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,159
the Blackpool Tower Ballroom itself.
93
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:49,320
Ooh!
94
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,959
By some very reasonably
priced cafes and gift shops
95
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,879
that I'm able to offer
discount vouchers for,
96
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,479
cash only, see me later.
97
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,799
And of course, a copy of one of my books
98
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:06,480
signed by my own fair
hand, for a small fee.
99
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,719
Garibaldis in the toilet looking
a lot more appealing now,
100
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:12,720
aren't they?
101
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,159
Come on, let's get going.
102
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,519
Ben?
103
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,199
What the hell are you doing here?
104
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,679
I bought a ticket for the tour.
105
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:21,999
Bugger off.
106
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:22,960
If it's trouble with a man,
107
00:05:22,961 --> 00:05:24,679
I've got a taser in my bag.
108
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,159
And Mildred here's got nunchucks.
109
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,959
I still love you, Gemgem.
110
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,719
Can you get away from our coach, please,
111
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,799
and by the way, I mean at
least 500 sodding metres
112
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,839
like the judge said, or
I'm calling the police.
113
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,279
Call the police?
114
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,439
Don't think so.
115
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:42,439
Your mum says if this tour
goes badly like the others,
116
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,359
you'll end up bankrupt.
117
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,639
You talked to me mum?
118
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:46,919
Yeah, don't worry, it
was just on Facebook.
119
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,199
And I was pretending to be your niece.
120
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,599
Ugh!
121
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:50,600
Ow!
122
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,959
Terry, shut the door and drive.
123
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,439
Quick, Terry.
124
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,360
Gemma!
125
00:05:56,361 --> 00:05:57,919
Oh, Gemma!
126
00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:58,840
Terry, just drive!
127
00:05:58,840 --> 00:05:59,800
♪ A little less conversation ♪
128
00:05:59,801 --> 00:06:02,879
♪ A little more action ♪
129
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,399
♪ All this aggravation ♪
130
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,159
♪ Ain't satisfactioning me ♪
131
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,279
♪ A little more bite
and a little less bark ♪
132
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,359
♪ A little less fight
and a little more spark ♪
133
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,159
♪ Close your mouth and
open up your heart, baby ♪
134
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,079
♪ Satisfy me ♪
135
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,639
♪ Satisfy me, baby ♪
136
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:22,640
♪ Baby close your eyes
and listen to the music ♪
137
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,359
Attention please, ladies and gents.
138
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,319
After a slightly delayed start,
139
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,919
we are now winding our merry
way to Bartleby Cathedral,
140
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,999
the site of our first murder.
141
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,399
Where I believe they
have a wonderful tapestry
142
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,119
of the crucifixion.
143
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,039
So we'll be able to celebrate
two fictional killings
144
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,480
at the same time.
145
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,520
Any questions?
146
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:53,079
That aren't about my ex-boyfriend/stalker.
147
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,799
You're losing the crowd.
148
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,519
Give it here.
149
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,039
Ta.
150
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,479
Welcome aboard.
151
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,559
I only have one rule while
I'm driving, and it's this.
152
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,239
The toilet is not, and I
cannot stress this enough,
153
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:08,520
not for solids.
154
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,199
And yes, I'm talking to
you, the golden girls.
155
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,160
Ta.
156
00:07:14,161 --> 00:07:16,119
You'll have no issues with me, young man.
157
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,799
The doctor gave me a bag for life.
158
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,239
Thanks Terry.
159
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,559
So sit back, enjoy the views,
160
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,519
and I'll be around with
some complementary snacks
161
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,679
for you all momentarily.
162
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:27,839
You'd better be.
163
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,439
And nothing spicy, mind.
164
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,199
If I'm to follow Terry's only rule,
165
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,279
I'll need something that binds.
166
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,119
Don't worry, Marj.
167
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,079
I brought our boiled
eggs for the rest of us.
168
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,600
These shall bung us up good and proper.
169
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:51,639
Excuse me,
170
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,079
we were promised executive seating.
171
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,439
They are all executive seats.
172
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:57,599
Really?
173
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,239
There's what I think is a pork scratching
174
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,799
down the side of mine.
175
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,239
Why not try to think of it as
176
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,680
an executive pork scratching?
177
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,119
One other thing.
178
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,720
Do we have to sit across
from these people?
179
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,399
They're like zombies in sport tights.
180
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,919
And what about us?
181
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,639
You've sat us over from this snotty woman
182
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,039
and her ferret faced husband.
183
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,479
How did you hear that?
184
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,159
I've got my hearing aid
cranked right up, love,
185
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,839
in case folk are talking about me.
186
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,039
Anyway, what have we got to look at?
187
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,759
You, and that gormless lump.
188
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:32,999
That is eavesdropping.
189
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,959
Your husband's got a
head like a sad potato.
190
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,599
It's not his fault,
it's the way he's built.
191
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,439
I've got varicose veins
you can see from space.
192
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,719
And Mildred here, she's got a hairy back.
193
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,879
You said you wouldn't tell.
194
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,439
And I'm agoraphobic and claustrophobic,
195
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,920
so I'm never really settled.
196
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,679
You've put me in the wrong seat, Laura.
197
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,559
How can I enjoy the
view from an aisle seat?
198
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,119
I'm sorry, Moira, I got
you one as far as I could.
199
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,399
I don't think I'm strong enough to get you
200
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,919
all the way over to the window.
201
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:13,079
So your puny body has
once more ruined my day.
202
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,439
Honestly, if this coach were to crash,
203
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,359
I wonder if you'd be
able to rescue me at all.
204
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,279
I would, Moira, I promise.
205
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,519
Just lay there, dying, wondering where you
206
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,799
and your weak arms were
failing to drag me.
207
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,199
Excuse me, ladies.
208
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,039
Are you in need of assistance?
209
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,079
Dr. James Grantling, pleasure to meet you.
210
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,600
Doctor, you say?
211
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,199
Couldn't help but overhear.
212
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,279
Might I be able to help?
213
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,239
Laura, wasn't it?
214
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,319
Splendid.
215
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,720
Now, I might have to
put my arms around you-
216
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,319
But I assure you, nothing
untoward will happen.
217
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,439
I always buy a lady at
least a gin and tonic first.
218
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,439
Oh, permission granted, and I'll hold you
219
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,639
to that gin and tonic.
220
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,879
You don't drink.
221
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,080
Shut up!
222
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:00,440
There you are.
223
00:10:00,441 --> 00:10:01,479
Oh, thank you so much.
224
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:02,320
- Pleasure.
- Would you like to-
225
00:10:02,321 --> 00:10:04,319
No, no, I'm fine thank you.
226
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,519
Thank you ladies, see you later.
227
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,360
See you later.
228
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,519
And please, no one forget
where we're parked.
229
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,719
You get left behind, you're on your own.
230
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,760
You just have to set up
a life here for yourself.
231
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,440
Oh!
232
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:51,119
Why is this cathedral not
wheelchair accessible?
233
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,839
Accessibility wasn't really an issue
234
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,839
in the 15th century.
235
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,279
They didn't have you in mind
when they built this place.
236
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,359
If they had, we'd be seeing
an access ramp on a tapestry.
237
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,279
I'll have you know this country was built
238
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,279
by people exactly like me.
239
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,519
What, post-menopausal killjoys
with an attitude problem?
240
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:09,520
I doubt it love.
241
00:11:09,521 --> 00:11:11,519
They'd have burned you as a witch.
242
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,640
Or just for a bit of peace and quiet.
243
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,799
She will eat those words.
244
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,359
Of course she will, Moira.
245
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,920
Of course she will.
246
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,360
Leave me be.
247
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,079
I heard the man on the coach behind us
248
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,239
say he was a doctor.
249
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,359
I love a doctor.
250
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,079
Snap your legs back together, Mildred.
251
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,719
It's a coach trip, not Love Island.
252
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:39,999
The doctor?
253
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,999
He's my brother.
254
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,199
At least I think he is.
255
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,519
Ladies, you'll have to forgive Kevin,
256
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,239
he, uh, had a knock on the head,
257
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,879
and he has some memory problems.
258
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,559
- Do I?
- Mm-hmm.
259
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,679
Oh, that would explain a lot.
260
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,039
Aah!
261
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,839
My Derek had that.
262
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,039
Very forgetful.
263
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:01,239
But only when it came to
birthdays, anniversaries,
264
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,880
and not sleeping with my sister.
265
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,920
That's... fascinating.
266
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,439
Graham, isn't it?
267
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,119
Hi, I'm Gemma.
268
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,639
Sorry we didn't get to meet on the coach.
269
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,079
Shall I put your bag back
in the holdall for you?
270
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,400
Leave the bag!
271
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,160
I'll leave it there.
272
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,240
Graham.
273
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,599
Do you not want to come and
look at the first murder site?
274
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,279
It's what you've paid for.
275
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,200
I'd hate for you to miss out
276
00:12:42,201 --> 00:12:44,439
and then see what you're like
when you've got a grievance.
277
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,520
No, I'll just sit here.
278
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:50,440
Calms me down.
279
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,800
Gives me a sense of purpose.
280
00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:01,200
It's like I can hear God
telling me what to do next.
281
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,480
Lovely.
282
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,760
Right, well me might just, uh, go.
283
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,280
You know, away.
284
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,600
Murder!
285
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,319
And I'm out.
286
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,279
If you need me, I'll be smoking outside.
287
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,439
With any luck, I'll set myself on fire.
288
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,000
Here, in this very cathedral,
289
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,520
I came up with the idea
of a murder so foul,
290
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,200
so horrid, that it
would leap from the page
291
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,719
of one of my most popular books.
292
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,720
Take in the heavy silence, as I did,
293
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,480
let it fill your soul.
294
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:56,480
Take a breath.
295
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,800
Let nothing distract you.
296
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,720
Number withheld.
297
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,039
Ah, it must be Hollywood.
298
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,040
Ooh!
299
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,719
Could you hold for just a second?
300
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:21,640
Have a look around,
301
00:14:21,641 --> 00:14:24,239
mine wasn't the only crime committed here.
302
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,599
Just there in the cloisters,
303
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:29,159
six monks were beheaded by barbarians.
304
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,160
Sorry...
305
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,119
So, let's meet back here
in 20 minutes, shall we?
306
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,599
Come on girls, cameras out.
307
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,279
Dead monk selfie.
308
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,280
Oh, yes!
309
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,640
Right.
310
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,480
Ooh!
311
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,719
This is nice.
312
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,159
Takes me back to our wedding day, Grace.
313
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,000
You were so beautiful.
314
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,079
As beautiful as that blonde girl
315
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,319
helping the woman in the wheelchair?
316
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,999
I saw you taking pictures
of her with your phone.
317
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,599
Delete them, George, it's creepy.
318
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,119
I've done no such thing,
that's an awful thing
319
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,519
to accuse someone of.
320
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,400
George, now please.
321
00:15:07,401 --> 00:15:10,600
Yes dear, sorry, won't happen again.
322
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,520
Oh!
323
00:15:25,521 --> 00:15:28,199
Bloody hell, love, don't
be lurking round corners.
324
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,439
I'm looking for the lavatory,
325
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,199
and I'd prefer not to have a false start.
326
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,839
Ooh, nice Tupperware.
327
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,760
It's a lifesaver, isn't it?
328
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,520
You, uh, left your phone on the coach.
329
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,559
It had a missed call on it.
330
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:03,480
From someone cryptically saved
as "Bailiffs, Don't Answer."
331
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,679
Guess I'm not getting
paid this month, am I?
332
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:10,879
As soon as this trip is over,
333
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,320
we're in the clear, trust me.
334
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,439
Let's just enjoy this place for a bit, eh?
335
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:18,719
It's so peaceful, isn't it.
336
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,399
Over here,
337
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,960
come and see where the killing took place.
338
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:33,639
So, here we are, at the site
of my very first murder,
339
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:35,199
in my very first book.
340
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,959
"I Just Died in Your Psalms Tonight."
341
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:43,280
But who do we discover
behind this very vestry door,
342
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:49,279
slumped in a chair, with
the life choked out of her?
343
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:52,519
Lady Tuestock, after her torrid affair
344
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,879
with Astrid the bisexual chambermaid.
345
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,239
Yes, very good, Grace.
346
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,440
Lady Tuestock.
347
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,799
Having been throttled,
348
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:06,320
using the sound of the church
bells to hide the crime.
349
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:23,680
And, as each bell tolled,
so the life slipped further
350
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,880
from the body of the lady of the manor.
351
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,119
And everybody had gathered-
352
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,479
Where's Marj?
353
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,559
She's gone off on her own.
354
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,759
She does that sometimes.
355
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,879
She had a difficult
birth with her third son,
356
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:40,880
and it's ruined her-
357
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,079
The doctor said he came out diagonally,
358
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,680
and on his way out he got caught on-
359
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,359
The doctor patched her up, by
now the plumbing's all wrong,
360
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:54,480
so every time she picks up
something heavy, she tends to-
361
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,719
Oh, it's awful.
362
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:02,200
She had to redo her kitchen because of it.
363
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,159
Well that's that cleared up, then.
364
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,119
And the parishioner screamed with horror
365
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,279
when they pushed open this door,
366
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,519
and they knew bedevilment was afoot.
367
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,440
They had a murderer in their midst.
368
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,080
Argh!
369
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,359
Now Mildred,
Marj wouldn't want tears.
370
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,519
You know how she hated emotion.
371
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:30,680
Sorry Peggy.
372
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:37,040
Oh Marj, if you can hear me,
I think you've died, love.
373
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:39,879
Do you know what killed her?
374
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,719
Classic heart attack I'm afraid.
375
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,279
The discoloration of the face-
376
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,679
No, she's always been
quite a sallow woman.
377
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,359
If anything, she looked the healthiest
378
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,519
she's looked in years.
379
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,599
Apart from the breathing, obviously.
380
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:55,599
Well, a, a sudden flush
post mortem isn't unusual.
381
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,199
The blood rushes to the face,
382
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,440
especially after the heart has stopped.
383
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,799
No heart attack.
384
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,319
Asphyxiation.
385
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,479
Proper choked as well.
386
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:06,799
They were lodged right in there.
387
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,040
She always was a cobbler.
388
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,480
Looks like a bap.
389
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,519
Coronation chicken.
390
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,039
Which is weird, because
that's what I was gonna have
391
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,279
for my lunch.
392
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,760
Although, not now.
393
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,120
I don't think these people are interested
394
00:19:21,121 --> 00:19:22,719
in what you're having for lunch, Phil.
395
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,479
Right, sorry.
396
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,759
Bye Marj.
397
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:29,399
If you see the others, tell
them we'll see them soon, eh?
398
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,039
And I know you stole my brown shoes, Marj.
399
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,040
I know it.
400
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,159
Such a shame.
401
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,479
So full of life.
402
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,480
Shut up.
403
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,759
I lit a candle for Marjory.
404
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,079
Oh, thank you.
405
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,480
That'll be a pound, please.
406
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,279
So I suppose in the name of good taste,
407
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,799
that's the tour cancelled then?
408
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,039
It's very sad, when we lose a life,
409
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:59,039
but, uh, we will of course
be getting a full refund.
410
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,559
Refunds?
411
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,959
Grace, darling, our hearts are sad,
412
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:06,319
and there is only one cure for sadness.
413
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,320
Time.
414
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,999
We should reschedule
for later in the year.
415
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,399
Not time.
416
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,400
Fun.
417
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:15,760
So if we can,
418
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,719
with solemnity,
419
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,040
and due respect,
420
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,560
make our way back to the coach.
421
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,760
Our next exciting destination awaits us.
422
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,279
Come on, girls.
423
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,559
If you want me to organise
transport back to the home,
424
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,199
then it's on me.
425
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,279
I know what David said back there,
426
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,079
but I'll sort your refunds in the morning.
427
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,080
Refunds?
428
00:20:52,081 --> 00:20:53,479
Transport?
429
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,079
No, thank you.
430
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,639
We're on the run.
431
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,159
On the run?
432
00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,120
From who?
433
00:20:59,121 --> 00:21:00,599
From the home.
434
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:01,919
We broke out.
435
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,079
We're absconding.
436
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,479
Like Thelma and Louise.
437
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,479
We were two Thelma's and a Louise,
438
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:13,480
but one of the Thelma's just
got taken away in a body bag.
439
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,839
There's guidelines we have to follow.
440
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:20,119
Please, let us finish the trip, for Marj.
441
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,279
Well they are only guidelines.
442
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:24,280
Oh!
443
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,519
Get off.
444
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,520
Go on.
445
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,879
We are now people smugglers.
446
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,599
Old people smugglers.
447
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,079
Oh, call the police!
448
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,959
I might have to.
449
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,679
Woman in a book gets throttled,
450
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,079
then woman on a book tour chokes.
451
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,119
Yeah, my murder mystery tour is that good,
452
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,519
we have actual murders on it.
453
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,440
Get a hold of yourself.
454
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,439
I'd better had.
455
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,839
Before somebody else gets a hold of me.
456
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,400
Come back, Joanna,
lovely, all is forgiven.
457
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,599
Right, we've all had a shock.
458
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,279
And our hearts go out
to Mildred and Peggy,
459
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,039
for the loss of their friend.
460
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,519
But as is the British way,
461
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,759
we're gonna get our heads down, crack on,
462
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,079
and finish the tour.
463
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,080
Yay!
464
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:24,840
Too soon?
465
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,280
Okay.
466
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,159
But if anyone doesn't want
to continue with the tour,
467
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,440
just let me know now.
468
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:25,000
Right, we can't have this
atmosphere the whole way.
469
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,240
Attention everyone.
470
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:33,399
We'll be at Gorge by lunchtime.
471
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,959
I think we should address what's happened.
472
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:39,519
Sadly, Marj is no longer with us.
473
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:40,520
Sadly.
474
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,800
You watch your mouth, or I'll cut you up.
475
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,519
I've got a fruit knife on this keyring.
476
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:53,279
And so, as this trip was one
of great importance to her,
477
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,559
something she wanted
to do before she died-
478
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,999
I feel it appropriate that
I, her favourite author,
479
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,159
should lead us all in a prayer.
480
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,399
Or perhaps, or perhaps
we could lift our spirits
481
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,239
with a good old fashioned sing song, eh?
482
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,959
♪ 99 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
483
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,919
♪ 99 bottles of beer ♪
484
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,719
♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪
485
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,719
♪ 99 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
486
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:15,520
98 bottles-
487
00:24:15,521 --> 00:24:16,639
George, no!
488
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,399
♪ 98 bottles of beer ♪
489
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,199
♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪
490
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,159
♪ 98 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
491
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,159
♪ 97 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
492
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,719
Come on everyone!
493
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,439
♪ 43 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
494
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,279
♪ 43 bottles of beer ♪
495
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,599
♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪
496
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,279
♪ Ee-eye ee-eye oh ♪
497
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,279
♪ With a neigh here, and a neigh there ♪
498
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:36,240
♪ Here a neigh, there a neigh ♪
499
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:37,240
♪ Everywhere a neigh ♪
500
00:24:37,241 --> 00:24:39,239
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
501
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,359
♪ Here a moo, there a moo ♪
502
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:41,200
♪ Everywhere a moo, moo ♪
503
00:24:41,201 --> 00:24:43,079
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
504
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:48,080
♪ Ee-eye ee-eye oh ♪
505
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,919
♪ She'll be coming round the
mountain when she comes ♪
506
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:53,720
♪ Yee-haw ♪
507
00:24:53,721 --> 00:24:56,359
♪ She'll be coming round the
mountain when she comes ♪
508
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:57,200
Right, we're here.
509
00:24:57,201 --> 00:24:59,839
Come on, everybody up.
510
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,519
Well, at least if this doesn't work out,
511
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,600
you know you can always
call X Factor, can't you?
512
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:10,559
Oh, no. Kevin?
513
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:14,279
I decided to use this place of beauty
514
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,760
and it's fabulously high gorge
515
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,599
in my second novel,
516
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:24,239
"Push Comes to Shove Comes to Bloodshed."
517
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:25,319
Shall we get to the gorge?
518
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:26,599
I'd like to take a picture of myself
519
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,559
pretending to throw Grace over it,
520
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:29,400
as in the book.
521
00:25:29,401 --> 00:25:32,959
Well let's hope
it's just pretend, eh?
522
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:33,960
No.
523
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:39,799
The crime took place at
the very top of the ravine,
524
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,279
at the edge of a dramatic precipice,
525
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,479
where you are able to pay a nominal fee
526
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,280
for a picture with me.
527
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,439
But feel free to explore the area.
528
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,520
It has some lovely viewing platforms.
529
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,999
Top of the ravine.
530
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:01,439
Walking that with my bunions,
it's a suicide mission.
531
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,719
No thank you, we'll stay in the cafe,
532
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,319
have a little wake for Marj.
533
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:06,479
Come on.
534
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,599
Look, can we get on please.
535
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,479
I would like to do a painting of the view
536
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,359
to go with my collection.
537
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:13,839
The light is changing.
538
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,000
Oh, hang on.
539
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,319
The watercolours, they aren't there.
540
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,439
So you forgot to pack them?
541
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,039
You only had two things to do today.
542
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,759
Massage my hernia, and
pack the watercolours.
543
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,119
Yes, Moira, I-I did check
when we were on the coach,
544
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:28,920
but-
545
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:29,760
But nothing.
546
00:26:29,761 --> 00:26:30,879
You've left them on the coach.
547
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,479
Consider this a verbal warning,
548
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,239
and I have witnesses.
549
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:35,879
Uncomfortable witnesses.
550
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,439
How many is that now?
551
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:38,599
12 Moira.
552
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,039
12 verbal warnings.
553
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:43,879
Three in front on people, and
nine in front of the cats.
554
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,879
Leave her alone.
555
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:46,959
She made a mistake.
556
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,239
Anyone could have a slip
of judgement sometimes.
557
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,160
And before you know it,
558
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,359
anything can happen.
559
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:57,759
I will talk to my staff
exactly as I please.
560
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,319
Now perhaps if you tried a
little bit harder in life
561
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,519
you would have someone
you could discipline.
562
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,039
Or at least join you on
this trip instead of that
563
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,479
sad looking bag that
you cling to so dearly.
564
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,519
Now return to the coach, and
fetch me my watercolours,
565
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:16,199
and I'll meet you by
the gorge painting spot.
566
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,399
Could you open the coach, please?
567
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:20,400
Are you all right?
568
00:27:20,401 --> 00:27:23,199
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm all right.
569
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:27,239
When she's like this, it's
best not to push her too far.
570
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,719
Could you open the coach for me?
571
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:29,999
You'll be all right.
572
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,399
It don't lock, anyway.
573
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:35,199
I mean it, it don't lock with a key.
574
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,359
We've got an app.
575
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:37,519
Obviously.
576
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,639
Very high tech, works remotely.
577
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,919
By the time you get there, it'll be open.
578
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,040
I guarantee it.
579
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,120
Oh, back in an hour, everyone.
580
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,119
Oh, thank goodness you're back.
581
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:12,879
Though it's hardly worth it.
582
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,039
I'm nearly where I need to be anyway.
583
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:16,679
Just stop me over there.
584
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:17,680
Laura.
585
00:28:17,681 --> 00:28:18,999
Where are you going?
586
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:20,000
Is that you?
587
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,240
We're too close to the edge.
588
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,439
It was just a sad accident, girls.
589
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:42,440
Or was it?
590
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,479
Choking?
591
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:48,279
Not a way to go.
592
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,279
And on coronation chicken, as well.
593
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:55,159
Ironic, given how much
she hated the queen.
594
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:56,160
So hang on.
595
00:28:56,161 --> 00:28:57,799
And mind, nothing spicy.
596
00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:59,359
If I'm to follow Terry's only rule,
597
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,719
I'll need something that binds.
598
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,639
So she wouldn't have eaten
it anyway, would she?
599
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,839
So how could she end up choking on it?
600
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,199
What are you thinking?
601
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,199
Ignore him, girls.
602
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,719
Terry's letting his
mind run away with him.
603
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,879
Terry, Marj died because she was old.
604
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:17,679
And that is what old women do.
605
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,319
Oh, thanks for the reminder, love.
606
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:24,439
So, are you saying Marj was
the victim of foul play?
607
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,119
I'm not saying she wasn't.
608
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,319
She wasn't, girls.
609
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:28,679
I promise.
610
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,079
Everything is fine.
611
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,839
Gemma.
612
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,359
Is everything fine?
613
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:35,240
Yes.
614
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,080
Good.
615
00:29:36,081 --> 00:29:38,119
No, I'm afraid not.
616
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:39,200
Moira's dead.
617
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,439
Oh, yes. Yes, that.
618
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:43,640
Sorry, um, no.
619
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:47,840
What's happened?
620
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,479
Such a shame, isn't it?
621
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,039
I know.
622
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,559
They could've used these foil blankets
623
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,519
for people just finishing
a marathon, couldn't they?
624
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,119
She was fine when we last saw her.
625
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,919
Well, I mean, bitching and moaning,
626
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,639
but relatively speaking
she was being a delight.
627
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:14,799
George is right.
628
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,879
She only called me a gold digger twice.
629
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,039
So you were the last ones
to see her alive, then?
630
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,279
What are you suggesting?
631
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,959
I'm suggesting nothing.
632
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,879
I feel to blame, I...
633
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:24,919
I should have stayed with her.
634
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,479
It's just that Kevin wanted to
see the drop from the gorge,
635
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,999
and I couldn't deny him his moment.
636
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:31,359
Oh, is there a gorge?
637
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,200
Mm-hmm.
638
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,040
Oh, we should go and see it.
639
00:30:33,041 --> 00:30:34,079
- Yes.
- Yes.
640
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,119
So you can't confirm
your whereabouts either?
641
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:38,879
Oh, I can't confirm anything.
642
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:39,720
Can I?
643
00:30:39,721 --> 00:30:41,039
- No.
- Yes.
644
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,239
Well I was waiting for George and Grace,
645
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:48,159
who were supposed to be
having a photo with me
646
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,639
at the eastern most clifftop,
647
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,759
a photo that I feel I must point out
648
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:55,799
I still haven't been paid for.
649
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:56,800
Well I feel I must point out
650
00:30:56,801 --> 00:31:00,839
that means we don't know
where you were, either.
651
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:01,959
Hello folks.
652
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,280
PC Alec Collins.
653
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,359
Just need to take a few details off you.
654
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:09,999
So, we're looking for next of kin.
655
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,519
Hands up next of kin.
656
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,239
Well, I'm her emergency contact,
657
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,439
so I suppose it's me.
658
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,439
And you are Miss?
659
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:18,679
Laura Bishop.
660
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:19,999
Did she not have any family?
661
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,879
Well, she had a sister in Blackpool,
662
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,319
but they didn't really
speak, because, you know,
663
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:28,119
of how Moira was with people.
664
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,799
Yes.
665
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,879
But we were gonna drop by
while we were in Blackpool,
666
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,720
so that Moira could have
an argument with her.
667
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:41,559
Well lord knows how she got
to the top of that hill.
668
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,439
She was very strong.
669
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,719
She did tell us that hills
weren't that much of a problem.
670
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:48,999
That'll explain it then.
671
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,679
We found a bit of brake
assembly for a wheelchair
672
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:52,879
at the top of the hill.
673
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,959
It probably failed her
and, uh, off she popped.
674
00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:01,400
It seems that our culprit
was our old friend gravity.
675
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,840
Well look, um, I'm sorry miss.
676
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:07,719
You get on with your trip,
and if we need anything,
677
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,799
we'll just be in touch
with Ms. Draper here.
678
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,039
I, I'm sorry for your loss, Miss.
679
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,119
Would you like me to organise a lift home?
680
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,759
I don't suppose I've got a home anymore.
681
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:19,359
I lived with Moira, and she made it clear
682
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,319
that she the moment she
died, I was out the door.
683
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:23,759
Said I could leave my keys on her coffin
684
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,000
at her funeral.
685
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:27,719
I suppose I'll just get her things
686
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,960
to her sister in Blackpool.
687
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,439
We'll be there tomorrow, Laura.
688
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,159
If you want to stay with us,
we're happy to take you there.
689
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:37,519
Oh.
690
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:38,760
That'd be nice.
691
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:40,919
None of you shout at me,
692
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,560
or, or throw spoons.
693
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,999
Moira used to love throwing spoons at me.
694
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,879
Oh, shush, now.
695
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:53,440
I'll throw the first
spoon I see at you, love.
696
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:02,599
And that's that, is it?
697
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,039
What's what?
698
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,199
This was our second fatality.
699
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,639
Oh, yes, the old lady who choked.
700
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,599
Bartleby lot haven't done the autopsy yet,
701
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,279
but from the sounds of it,
702
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,999
I think you're just having
a run of bad luck, mate.
703
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,839
A run of bad luck?
704
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,159
I'll be driving that thing on
my bloody own, at this rate.
705
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:22,439
We're losing passengers
faster than the Titanic.
706
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,439
I'm telling you, something's a foot.
707
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:26,440
Oh...
708
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,720
It's a foot, is it?
709
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,319
Shall I phone into headquarters?
710
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:32,479
"Hello, Chief Inspector.
711
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,119
Some shabby little coach
driver thinks he's Miss Marple.
712
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,279
Can you send me a foot squad down?"
713
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:38,919
All I'm saying is,
714
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,119
maybe you can have a nose around.
715
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:42,559
Investigate.
716
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,919
Try doing some actual police work.
717
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:46,479
Well I could start by giving your coach
718
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,319
the once over, if you like.
719
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,199
See how many violations you
can wrack up in one sitting.
720
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:52,959
There's nothing wrong with my coach.
721
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,279
Really?
722
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,519
If I so much as waved an MOT at it,
723
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,239
it'd burst into tears and beg for mercy.
724
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,040
Now go on, bugger off.
725
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:07,399
Yeah?
726
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:11,639
Well for your information,
the MOT on that coach is...
727
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:12,640
Pending.
728
00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:27,279
Terry.
729
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:28,839
I think you might be right.
730
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:30,679
This is getting weird, isn't it?
731
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:34,199
♪ Amazing grace ♪
732
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:38,039
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
733
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:42,079
- It is now.
- ♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪
734
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,519
Oh well, it's a sing
song of sorts, I suppose.
735
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,359
Let's get going, shall we?
736
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:49,999
Don't worry.
737
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,439
I know two dead passengers is unusual.
738
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:53,999
But I'll keep an eye out.
739
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,319
Trust me.
740
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,080
Nothing gets past me.
741
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:04,840
♪ Amazing grace, how sweet the sound ♪
742
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:10,360
♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪
743
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:28,159
And welcome to Clesperley
Manor, our luxury hotel.
744
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,879
As long as you don't look
to closely on Trip Advisor.
745
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,959
We asked for a superior room.
746
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:35,880
Does it matter?
747
00:35:35,881 --> 00:35:37,040
Yes it does.
748
00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:44,599
And please, please, please, Miss...
749
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,200
Nobody go anywhere.
750
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,599
It's a lovely summer's evening.
751
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,279
Let's gather for a drink
752
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:55,639
before tonight's murder
mystery dinner begins.
753
00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:00,159
A unique event, where each of
you will dress as a murderer
754
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:01,999
from one of my novels.
755
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,480
Costumes provided.
756
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:06,879
A league of villains, but who,
757
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:10,799
who is the cruellest killer of them all?
758
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,719
It's, um, it's quite poor taste, isn't it,
759
00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:16,359
given everything that's happened?
760
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,839
Oh dear, has, has something happened?
761
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,399
Um, I agree it's poor taste,
but David did point out
762
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,879
that it is in his contract
with Draper's Literary Tours
763
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,200
that we do this.
764
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,479
As long as my costume comes
with a bullet proof vest
765
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:31,559
I'm happy.
766
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,999
We've had a rough day.
767
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,599
I'd be the first to admit that.
768
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,559
But let's remember why we're here.
769
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,279
To celebrate my literature.
770
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:45,519
And isn't that the best
way to take our minds off
771
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,639
today's unfortunate accidents.
772
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:49,879
Even though those accidents happened
773
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:53,679
in all the same places that
are referenced in your books?
774
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,559
It's like celebrating
D-Day with a beach party.
775
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,079
It could be fun?
776
00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,599
Indeed, Grace.
777
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,159
And in the light of today's troubles,
778
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,839
I'm going to do all this at reduced cost.
779
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,639
Heart of gold, this one.
780
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,160
Bob Geldof has got competition.
781
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,239
Ah, is that axe the
inspiration for the beheading
782
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:15,839
in "Axe Me No Questions,
I'll Tell You Who Dies"?
783
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:16,720
Yes.
784
00:37:16,721 --> 00:37:18,480
Laura, well sleuthed.
785
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,839
I didn't know you were a
fan as well as poor Moira.
786
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,159
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know them inside out.
787
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,359
She, she used to make me read them to her.
788
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,559
Said I had the voice of
a soothing pit woman.
789
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,159
Ah.
790
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:38,160
So, to your rooms, we shall
reconvene in the piano bar.
791
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:43,039
And no hanky panky when
you're all dressed up.
792
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,279
These costumes have to go back on Monday,
793
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,760
and there is a soiling charge.
794
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:53,560
Lovely.
795
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,959
It's a Gold Boots Advantage Card.
796
00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:02,079
They don't just give these to anybody.
797
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,679
Do you have any idea how
many 3 for 2s I had to buy
798
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,199
to get this?
799
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,679
I've got enough Pantene
to last the apocalypse.
800
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:11,159
Remarkable.
801
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:12,120
Really?
802
00:38:12,121 --> 00:38:15,279
Oh, I know who you're dressed as, Doc.
803
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,599
You're the killer conman
who pretends to be a doctor
804
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,639
from "A Murder in Hand is
Worth Two in the Grave".
805
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:23,839
Sound familiar?
806
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,919
Well, I mean, I...
807
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:30,159
And I am either a
motorbiker, or a gay man.
808
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:31,319
Or both.
809
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,519
Nobody draw attention to Mildred.
810
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,880
She's worryingly on display.
811
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,359
Right, I think you're done.
812
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,439
Just don't turn around
without telling me first,
813
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,680
or we might have to redo your coverage.
814
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:51,079
There you go.
815
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:52,399
- Thank you.
- Guinness.
816
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:56,199
Even asked them to put
a shamrock on top of it.
817
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,799
Well I asked for a shamrock.
818
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,960
That's looking more like Donald Trump.
819
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:06,039
Look, could you do me another favour?
820
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:07,279
Yeah.
821
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:08,280
Anything.
822
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:10,360
Name it.
823
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,279
Stop scaring the passengers, eh?
824
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:15,999
Oh come on.
825
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:16,880
You said yourself you thought
826
00:39:16,881 --> 00:39:19,319
something strange was happening.
827
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:22,559
Two bodies at the first
two murder locations?
828
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,239
Or two accidents and one coach driver
829
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:26,480
with a rampant imagination.
830
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:31,680
If this falls apart, it's
the end of Draper's Tours.
831
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:36,599
Look, we'll get through all this.
832
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,799
Complete the tour, pay the bailiffs.
833
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,439
Everything's gonna be fine.
834
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,120
Nobody is in danger.
835
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:51,759
What is it, Mildred?
836
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,119
It's Dave.
837
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,799
He's out there.
838
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:56,600
Oh goodness.
839
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,039
No, David!
840
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:00,839
Clubbed to death on the patio.
841
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:05,600
Just like in his own book,
"Clubbed To Death on a Patio".
842
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:11,520
Doc, help him!
843
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,360
I'm afraid he's dead.
844
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:22,519
'Fraid not.
845
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:24,239
Great diagnosis, Doc.
846
00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:27,279
Come on, give me a hand
with Lazarus, here.
847
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,239
Yes.
848
00:40:29,240 --> 00:40:30,999
The paparazzi will have a field day
849
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,719
if they see me like this, Gemma.
850
00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:35,559
We're in Yorkshire, David.
851
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:39,479
Round here they think
paparazzi's a pizza topping.
852
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:41,280
Go ahead, that's it.
853
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:46,959
Now, steady, into the chair,
slowly, David, slowly.
854
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,479
- Thanks. Thank you.
- There you are.
855
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:54,559
I just went outside to
phone my agent in LA.
856
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:58,080
The next thing I knew, I was on the floor.
857
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,360
And Doc was standing over me.
858
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:07,400
Calling me back from the
dead with his healing hand.
859
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,959
You've had a fright, David dear.
860
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,040
Get a whiskey inside you.
861
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:18,959
Is it complementary?
862
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:21,919
David, give her the four quid.
863
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,519
And where have you been?
864
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,639
Mr. Misery Guts, with
your sad little backpack.
865
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,000
Graham did this.
866
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,559
It's obvious, he's the
only one without an alibi.
867
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:34,560
Oh my God!
868
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,719
I bet he was the one that
pushed Moira off that gauge,
869
00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:38,640
as well.
870
00:41:38,641 --> 00:41:40,479
What are you on about?
871
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,799
I was in the cigar room, smoking,
872
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,199
trying to get a moment's
peace away from you.
873
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,440
You shrill, stuck up harpy!
874
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:51,599
Can we all calm down, please.
875
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,359
Ah, she won't, not when she's like this.
876
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,999
It's like the John Lewis
sale all over again.
877
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:58,439
Look in his bag.
878
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,040
I bet there's a blood
soaked weapon in there.
879
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,599
Karen!
880
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:09,440
Ooh!
881
00:42:09,441 --> 00:42:11,039
Who do you think Karen is, then?
882
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,159
I'm guessing wife or girlfriend.
883
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:14,199
Yes.
884
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:15,559
My wife.
885
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:16,640
My dead wife.
886
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:19,719
My Karen!
887
00:42:19,720 --> 00:42:21,759
Oh, poor thing.
888
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:23,239
I knew a Karen once.
889
00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:24,520
She's dead too.
890
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:28,079
She was my wife, and her dying wish
891
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,199
was to go on one of these tours
892
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:31,520
with that nobhead.
893
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,159
Because she loved his books.
894
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,640
I may... have made an error.
895
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,279
Here, here we go, lovely.
896
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:44,039
We'll help you put Karen back in her pot.
897
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,040
Thank you.
898
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:48,999
Did she have kidney stones, dear?
899
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,079
No.
900
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:53,919
Oh, it's probably just
a dry roasted peanut.
901
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,839
What are we gonna do?
902
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,239
Uh, you're the tour guide,
903
00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,719
you're supposed to be looking after us.
904
00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:01,360
We are under attack.
905
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:04,640
Right.
906
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:07,879
Look, r-right everybody.
907
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,199
We'll, um, right...
908
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,359
Gemma.
909
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,679
I'll deal with this.
910
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:17,199
Now, I don't want to panic anyone,
911
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:19,040
but I think all our lives are in danger.
912
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:21,879
I'm gonna call that copper.
913
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,039
Hopefully he'll take
me seriously this time,
914
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:27,960
See if that bloody squad
believes me now, yeah?
915
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:31,319
Just think.
916
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,519
The murderer could be watching us now.
917
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,679
I wish I'd have known
I was being spied on.
918
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,600
I'd have put in my good teeth.
919
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,439
Where have you been?
920
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,479
I've got a group of terrified people here.
921
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,039
And I've been worried about you.
922
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:08,399
I'm sorry.
923
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:09,839
I got stuck on hold.
924
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:11,360
Bloody PC Collins.
925
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,400
Right, gather round everyone.
926
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,039
I've finally spoken to
our friendly policeman
927
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,039
who says he's coming taking
statements in the morning.
928
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,479
Because apparently all
we've got is two accidents
929
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,479
and an assault, and that's not classed
930
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,239
as a high priority.
931
00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:31,119
If we were Corrie, we'd
be a one hour special.
932
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:32,080
So what we're gonna do,
933
00:44:32,081 --> 00:44:35,719
until they start taking
me seriously, is this.
934
00:44:35,720 --> 00:44:39,559
Gemma and me are gonna walk
all of you to your rooms.
935
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:41,759
Once you're in there, you lock the door
936
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,119
and you don't let anybody in.
937
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:45,120
Got that?
938
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:47,759
Right.
939
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:48,720
Come on.
940
00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:49,720
Chop chop.
941
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:52,119
Terry's right.
942
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:53,840
Come on, everyone.
943
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:02,519
What about the CCTV?
944
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,359
Did that not catch the assailant.
945
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,919
Oh yeah, I don't wanna worry you,
946
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:07,999
but I spoke to reception earlier,
947
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,679
and apparently the wires to the camera
948
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:11,879
were cut a few days ago.
949
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:15,999
Well thank you for the none
worrying bedtime story, Terry.
950
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:17,559
This is us.
951
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:18,999
Goodnight everyone.
952
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,399
Goodnight.
953
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:24,439
And, uh, Graham, once
again I'm, I'm very sorry.
954
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,359
I can imagine you are.
955
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,279
Oh, I'd take her apology, Graham.
956
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:29,599
They don't come very often.
957
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:31,439
She once broke my mother's nose.
958
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,319
I've still not seen a scrap of remorse.
959
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:36,359
Oh, George, that was a
hairline fracture at most.
960
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:37,200
Laura.
961
00:45:37,201 --> 00:45:38,599
If you don't want to be alone tonight,
962
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,079
we're more than happy for you
to come in and share with us.
963
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,599
George, this is why that woman from HR
964
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,119
had to have a word with you at work.
965
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:45,800
- Stop it.
- Yes dear.
966
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:49,959
Goodnight everyone.
967
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:52,399
Kevin and I will be here.
968
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,759
If you ladies need anything, just holler.
969
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:56,999
I'm a very light sleeper.
970
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,600
I have literally no idea what's going on.
971
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,119
Right, well, this is me.
972
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,919
Would you like on of us to
sleep in with you, Laura?
973
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,559
Oh, no, I'll be all right.
974
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,040
Sleep well, girls.
975
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:19,039
Oh, and Gemma dear, if
we die in the night,
976
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,559
I'd just like to say this
is the best adventure
977
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:22,800
we've ever had.
978
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:29,919
Goodnight girls.
979
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,160
Night, night.
980
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:36,200
Right.
981
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:39,160
So, do you wanna come in?
982
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:42,760
Oh...
983
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:45,800
Yeah.
984
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:58,479
Suppose I can have a check around.
985
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:02,799
And have one sleep in
my bunk on the coach.
986
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:06,479
Don't suppose the murderer
will brave getting in there.
987
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:07,879
I've got a fortnight's
worth of dirty undercrackers
988
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,440
kicking around on it somewhere.
989
00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:13,240
Oh.
990
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,759
I'm, I'm so sorry.
991
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:18,839
Oh, God, I've just read this all wrong.
992
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:20,199
It's just that when you
took charge tonight,
993
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,119
I saw you in a totally different light.
994
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,199
No, no, it's just-
995
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,599
And, and I know we work together, and, oh,
996
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:26,759
maybe I've read the signals wrong,
997
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,159
but I thought you liked me.
998
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:31,159
And I just saw you as some
sort of aimless loser.
999
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:32,080
Thanks.
1000
00:47:32,081 --> 00:47:35,159
Like the last person on Earth
I'd ever be attracted to.
1001
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:36,599
Don't spare my feelings.
1002
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,239
I mean, I need someone
who knows what they want
1003
00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:39,439
and goes for it, you know,
1004
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,439
and I guess I saw that in you earlier.
1005
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,440
I do know what I want.
1006
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:47,199
I've been sitting next to it on my coach
1007
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:49,120
for the past six years.
1008
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,879
And if some nutter thinks
he's taking that away from me,
1009
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,479
he's got another thing coming.
1010
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:56,999
He can kill my passengers-
1011
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,959
I'd, I'd really prefer it if he didn't.
1012
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:00,319
But he'll have to get through me first
1013
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:03,319
if he wants to get anywhere near you.
1014
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:04,879
Are-are we doing it now?
1015
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:06,120
Are we kissing?
1016
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:07,920
Yeah.
1017
00:48:07,921 --> 00:48:09,359
Okay.
1018
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:10,759
Good.
1019
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:11,760
Begin.
1020
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,999
♪ When the day is done ♪
1021
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,799
♪ Down to the earth then sinks the sun ♪
1022
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,839
♪ Along with everything
that was lost and won ♪
1023
00:48:52,840 --> 00:49:00,319
♪ When the day is done ♪
1024
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:04,519
♪ Hope so much your race will be run ♪
1025
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:07,999
♪ Then you find you jumped the gun ♪
1026
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:11,679
♪ Have to go back where you begun ♪
1027
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,639
♪ When the day is done ♪
1028
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,679
♪ When the night is come ♪
1029
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:21,559
♪ Some get by but some get old ♪
1030
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:25,519
♪ Just to show life's not made of gold ♪
1031
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:29,479
♪ When the night is cold ♪
1032
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:33,319
♪ When the bird has flown ♪
1033
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:37,159
♪ Got no-one to call your own ♪
1034
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:40,919
♪ No place to call your home ♪
1035
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:44,400
♪ When the bird has flown ♪
1036
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:04,799
Oh hello.
1037
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:07,879
I see you couldn't sleep either, then?
1038
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:11,079
Do you know, I was sure we
were supposed to stay in bed.
1039
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:14,319
Something in the back of my mind...
1040
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:17,359
Buggered if I can remember what it was.
1041
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,399
Yes, I know what you're thinking.
1042
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:20,799
Bad habit.
1043
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:22,360
They'll kill me in the end, won't they?
1044
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:25,480
Oh.
1045
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:30,359
That's why I was supposed to stay in bed.
1046
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:31,479
Okay.
1047
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:35,720
Would you mind if I just
smoked one last cigarette?
1048
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:52,999
Hi.
1049
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:54,000
Hey.
1050
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:56,799
How long have you been awake?
1051
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:58,839
About an hour.
1052
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:00,199
Just been lying here.
1053
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:02,279
Staring at you.
1054
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:06,759
And occasionally wiping
dribble off your bottom lip.
1055
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:09,039
Romantic and creepy.
1056
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:10,040
Well done.
1057
00:51:10,041 --> 00:51:12,559
Well, you're a dribbler.
1058
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:16,519
Never would've expected it
from such a dainty wee lady.
1059
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:20,079
Well that's rich coming from
such an apologetic lover.
1060
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:23,160
Well, you know, you look like that.
1061
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:27,160
And I look like...
1062
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:35,479
Come on then.
1063
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:36,919
Round two.
1064
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:40,200
And unapologetically this time, please.
1065
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,039
Oh, for...
1066
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:45,399
Who is it?
1067
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,359
It's Doc.
1068
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:49,359
Is everything all right?
1069
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:50,200
Not quite.
1070
00:51:50,201 --> 00:51:52,800
I, um, well I can't find Kevin.
1071
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:57,799
If he's alive, I'll kill him myself.
1072
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:00,119
- Kevin?
- Kevin?
1073
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:01,360
Yoo hoo, Kevin?
1074
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:03,840
Kevin?
1075
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:06,040
Kevin?
1076
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,959
Ooh, you've got a glow on you, Gemma.
1077
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:12,119
Thanks Mildred.
1078
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,999
You've had the unmentionable, haven't you?
1079
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:16,399
Kevin?
1080
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:19,319
It's years since I had the unmentionable.
1081
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:22,679
When I get excited,
I'm a bit of a grabber.
1082
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:24,879
Puts a lot of men off.
1083
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:25,880
Kevin!
1084
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:32,199
Kevin's come away at the neck.
1085
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:33,599
Oh my god!
1086
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:34,959
Who would do this?
1087
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,599
This is no accident.
1088
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:38,760
Heads don't just fall off.
1089
00:52:41,240 --> 00:52:42,240
Kevin!
1090
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,040
Kevin!
1091
00:52:49,240 --> 00:52:51,119
Call a doctor.
1092
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:52,759
I thought you were a doctor.
1093
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:56,479
Of course I'm not a sodding
doctor, you stupid woman.
1094
00:52:56,480 --> 00:52:58,920
But please, somebody call an ambulance.
1095
00:53:04,720 --> 00:53:07,239
I think an ambulance
might be a bit optimistic.
1096
00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:09,439
George, call the police.
1097
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,279
Not a doctor?
1098
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:12,280
No.
1099
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:14,760
And, uh...
1100
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:18,880
Kevin is... he's not my brother.
1101
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:23,279
You see, years ago, I was a conman,
1102
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:27,319
defrauding ladies like
Mildred and Peggy here.
1103
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:29,559
I just finished a job,
1104
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:32,719
and I stepped out into
the road without looking.
1105
00:53:32,720 --> 00:53:37,199
And Kevin knocked me away
from an oncoming car,
1106
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,159
and the car hit him.
1107
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:42,039
It was hit and run, just like that.
1108
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:43,639
Did it kill him?
1109
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:44,880
No, he lived.
1110
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:50,319
That's why he was able
to join me on this trip.
1111
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:51,320
I see.
1112
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:56,879
But he was badly injured,
and before I knew it,
1113
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,599
there was an ambulance
there, and then a policeman,
1114
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,919
and... well, I, I panicked.
1115
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:04,679
I didn't want to give
them my real details.
1116
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:06,839
I, I'd be rumbled, pretty quickly.
1117
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:09,200
So I said I was his brother.
1118
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:12,279
And then when he woke up in hospital,
1119
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,159
he didn't know who he
was or where he was from.
1120
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:18,240
And the nurses told him I was family.
1121
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:20,800
He believed them.
1122
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:24,199
I couldn't tell Kevin the truth.
1123
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:27,839
I'm the only thing in his
life that he can cling to.
1124
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:28,840
Could do.
1125
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:32,239
Could cling to.
1126
00:54:32,240 --> 00:54:33,679
Past tense now.
1127
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,160
Oh, God.
1128
00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:37,440
What?
1129
00:54:37,441 --> 00:54:39,199
I am a writer, language is my tool.
1130
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:41,279
I can't see it used poorly.
1131
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,999
Funnily enough, the
only thing he had on him
1132
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:47,199
at the time of the accident
was one of your books,
1133
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:49,360
It was signed, "To Kevin."
1134
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:53,239
Which is why we came.
1135
00:54:53,240 --> 00:54:55,039
A true tragedy.
1136
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:58,880
Just as in my seventh
novel, ironically called
1137
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:02,840
"The Beheading of the Fool".
1138
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,040
Shut up, you.
1139
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,559
We've got someone decapitated here.
1140
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:10,799
And not the someone I might
have preferred it being.
1141
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,599
What are we going to do?
1142
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,239
He could be anywhere, this murderer.
1143
00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:17,799
Police said they'd be
as quick as possible,
1144
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:20,439
but there's been a sheep
waggon rolled over in Skipton.
1145
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:21,999
Reckon it could be a couple of hours
1146
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:26,039
until the excitement dies
down and they can get to us.
1147
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:27,919
We could wait for them.
1148
00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:31,439
Or, bearing in mind I have been
right about this all along,
1149
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:33,639
we could handle this ourselves.
1150
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:36,399
Starting with sacking
off the next location.
1151
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:38,159
The Ozzletwizzle Flask Museum?
1152
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,599
Scene of my seminal classic,
1153
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:42,639
"Chalice Through the Killing Glass?"
1154
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:44,080
Shut it, David.
1155
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,119
The killer will be there waiting for us.
1156
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:51,479
I propose instead we go
to the end of the tour.
1157
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:53,479
The ballroom at Blackpool Tower.
1158
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:55,039
By the time the murderer has figured out
1159
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:58,039
that we're not coming,
we can be lying in wait.
1160
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,599
Then bang, we catch him.
1161
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:04,799
But what if... the killer is one of us.
1162
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:06,439
Looking round here,
1163
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:10,199
I don't see a gang of potential murderers.
1164
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:12,559
I see a group of people that I'm amazed
1165
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:15,439
can function in modern society.
1166
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:18,159
There's not a single person
here with the first clue
1167
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,079
about setting something
up this intelligent.
1168
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:24,759
Oh, thank you for believing in us, Terry.
1169
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,639
Oh, it might be dangerous ladies.
1170
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:30,599
If he tries to kill us, at
least we'll be in the papers.
1171
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:32,440
I have no objection.
1172
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:37,999
Karen wanted it all to
end in Blackpool, anyway.
1173
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:41,119
George, Grace, you can come with us.
1174
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,999
Either that, or you can wait
here for two hours on your own.
1175
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:47,039
Well, yes, if you put it like that.
1176
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:48,759
Sounds dangerous, Grace, dear.
1177
00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:49,560
George.
1178
00:56:49,561 --> 00:56:51,479
We're going to Blackpool
to catch a murderer.
1179
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:52,999
Right then.
1180
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,359
Let's get on the coach
and get out of here.
1181
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:57,199
Grab your bags, now.
1182
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:58,760
Come on, chop chop.
1183
00:57:03,240 --> 00:57:04,719
But make sure you
pay your room service bill
1184
00:57:04,720 --> 00:57:05,919
before we leave.
1185
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:09,720
And grab as many
little shampoos as you can.
1186
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:24,999
Hello, Blackpool police.
1187
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:27,319
What would you like to report?
1188
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:29,160
Murder.
1189
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:37,119
Oh wait, can I just nip
to the loo before we go?
1190
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:38,359
We haven't got time.
1191
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:39,280
Go on the coach.
1192
00:57:39,281 --> 00:57:42,359
But it'll break your only rule.
1193
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:46,360
Sometimes, love, rules
are meant to be broken.
1194
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:54,879
Go on, Doc.
1195
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:55,840
Just you left, now.
1196
00:57:55,841 --> 00:57:59,519
Well, I think I'll stay
here with Kevin, thank you.
1197
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:01,399
It could be dangerous.
1198
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,839
We don't know where the maniac is yet.
1199
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:06,759
Well then I'll stay and wait for my fate.
1200
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:09,719
It's no more than I deserve
for the things I've done.
1201
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,399
And maybe it'll slow down the scoundrel
1202
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,039
that's doing all this.
1203
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:15,679
Give you time to get to Blackpool.
1204
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:18,119
Kevin loved Blackpool.
1205
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:21,759
Well, he didn't, but I told him he did.
1206
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:22,760
Goodbye.
1207
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:31,959
And drive carefully.
1208
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:33,400
I won't stop you.
1209
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:43,399
Listen, I can't promise you
we'll all get through this.
1210
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:45,039
But I can promise you,
1211
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:48,559
we're gonna find out who's behind it all.
1212
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,079
You're really taking the
bull by the horns today,
1213
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:51,319
aren't you?
1214
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:52,320
Yeah.
1215
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:54,040
I am.
1216
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:57,760
Now come on, let's go.
1217
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,599
Right, listen up.
1218
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:08,239
We're gonna be going like the clappers.
1219
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:10,439
So you might wanna cling onto each other.
1220
00:59:10,440 --> 00:59:12,679
I wouldn't put much
faith in the seatbelts.
1221
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:14,719
They're more for show than anything.
1222
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:17,480
So, Blackpool, as fast as we can.
1223
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:22,720
♪ Like a bat out of hell ♪
1224
00:59:22,721 --> 00:59:27,079
♪ I'll be gone when the morning comes ♪
1225
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:28,479
♪ But when the night is over ♪
1226
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:32,879
♪ Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone, gone, gone ♪
1227
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:34,199
♪ Like a bat out of hell ♪
1228
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:38,439
♪ I'll be gone when the morning comes ♪
1229
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:41,599
♪ But when the day is gone
and the sun goes down ♪
1230
00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:46,600
♪ And the moonlight's shining through ♪
1231
00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:52,080
♪ Then like a sinner before
the gates of Heaven ♪
1232
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:53,999
♪ I'll come crawling back to you ♪
1233
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,799
I told you I'd get us here.
1234
00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:58,839
Mm, I can smell chips.
1235
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:02,399
The four most beautiful words
in the English language.
1236
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:05,239
Hey up, here's the carpark we're after.
1237
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:09,999
I think things are looking
up for us, after all.
1238
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:11,000
Terry!
1239
01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:16,920
Police! Open the door!
1240
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:27,199
Anger issues!
1241
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,440
Get over there! Get up against there!
1242
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:34,199
You're under arrest for murder.
1243
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:35,599
I didn't kill anyone?
1244
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:37,319
Thought you'd get away
with it, didn't you?
1245
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:39,079
The old double bluff.
1246
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:41,239
Pretending to be concerned
about these people dying,
1247
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:43,519
but it was you who was
bumping them off all along.
1248
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:45,799
I haven't bumped anyone off.
1249
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:47,719
I'm a nice bloke, me, ask anyone.
1250
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:49,319
Hey, ask Joanna Lumley.
1251
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:50,639
You're coming with us.
1252
01:00:50,640 --> 01:00:52,039
And I'll ask you a few
questions about the murder
1253
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:55,960
of Marj Grimshaw, Moira
Colliston, and Kevin...
1254
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:00,479
I don't know his surname yet, but Kevin.
1255
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:01,639
What's going on?
1256
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:03,119
Why are you arresting Terry?
1257
01:01:03,120 --> 01:01:05,199
Looks like we may have
found your murderer, ma'am.
1258
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:06,719
Terry, no, he can't be.
1259
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:07,919
I'm afraid so.
1260
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:09,879
We had a tip-off this morning
from an anonymous source.
1261
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:11,519
Saw him kill Kevin.
1262
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:13,359
It weren't me, Gemma, I promise.
1263
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:14,959
I knew it was him.
1264
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:16,800
Those eyes, too beady.
1265
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:19,280
Like a fat shark.
1266
01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:21,879
Take him away lads.
1267
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:23,279
Hang on.
1268
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:24,280
Gem.
1269
01:01:25,240 --> 01:01:27,679
You've all had a very lucky escape.
1270
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:29,839
But, uh, we will need you
to come down to the station
1271
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:31,439
and, uh, make some statements.
1272
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:33,519
Oh, you'll get nothing out of me, copper,
1273
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:35,119
I'm no grass.
1274
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,879
You'll have to strip search me.
1275
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,039
Look, I've done nothing.
1276
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:41,639
For most of my life.
1277
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:43,759
Just ask anyone who knows me.
1278
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:47,679
Our source says they saw
you murder this Kevin bloke.
1279
01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:50,759
That's hardly nothing, is it?
1280
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:54,599
Unless you can prove to me
you were somewhere else.
1281
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:55,959
Gemma.
1282
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:57,119
Ask Gemma.
1283
01:01:57,120 --> 01:02:00,199
I can testify as to his
whereabouts last night.
1284
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:02,199
He was with me.
1285
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:04,319
We slept together.
1286
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:05,879
There you go then.
1287
01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:06,880
Alibi.
1288
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:08,879
Afraid not, mate.
1289
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:10,639
And you were awake all night,
1290
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:13,239
so you know exactly where he was?
1291
01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:14,519
Well no, when, when I woke up,
1292
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:16,279
he said he'd been awake for about an hour.
1293
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:18,520
Just, watching me, he said.
1294
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:24,959
Oh, no, that doesn't sound good, does it?
1295
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:26,719
She was dribbling.
1296
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:28,120
She's a dribbler.
1297
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:33,159
Come to think of it, I'd
like to see my lawyer, now.
1298
01:02:33,160 --> 01:02:34,479
You're in luck.
1299
01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:36,439
He's already here.
1300
01:02:36,440 --> 01:02:37,440
What?
1301
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:41,120
Well, look at this, then.
1302
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,279
I'm Gemma's cousin, Barry, by the way,
1303
01:02:48,280 --> 01:02:51,680
and I shall be your legal representative.
1304
01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:54,879
Murder.
1305
01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:57,359
A bit different to the
usual speeding tickets I do,
1306
01:02:57,360 --> 01:03:00,080
but, uh, let's get it warmest go.
1307
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:02,919
Let's give it our best go, and that,
1308
01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:04,799
that's all we can do, really, isn't it?
1309
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:05,800
Right then.
1310
01:03:08,560 --> 01:03:10,080
Why did you do it?
1311
01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:15,559
I didn't do it.
1312
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:17,359
Well, I was speaking with PC Collins here,
1313
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:19,039
and he and I are pretty convinced you did,
1314
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:21,239
so I think we all find
ourselves in a little bit
1315
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:23,919
of a pickle, don't we?
1316
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:25,119
Oh yes.
1317
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:26,120
We do.
1318
01:03:29,360 --> 01:03:30,280
Here you go.
1319
01:03:30,281 --> 01:03:32,359
Bit of light reading for your cell.
1320
01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:34,520
Thought you might like it.
1321
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:43,400
It's all over, isn't it?
1322
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:47,759
I mean, what's Gemma gonna do now?
1323
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:49,959
A new driver'll want wages.
1324
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,240
And a coach that's insured.
1325
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:55,200
I'm not having it.
1326
01:03:55,201 --> 01:03:57,079
I want my phone call.
1327
01:03:57,080 --> 01:04:00,879
Ah, I, uh, I've already used it for you.
1328
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:03,999
But on the upside, I did
use it to order pizza,
1329
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,679
so I hope you've brought your appetite,
1330
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:08,560
because you'll not be
getting pizza in prison.
1331
01:04:10,520 --> 01:04:12,319
Obviously you have my number?
1332
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:14,799
Yeah, you're number, your agent's number,
1333
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:17,439
your email address,
and your Facebook page.
1334
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:18,919
Right then.
1335
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:21,279
Onward to the ballroom.
1336
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:23,479
I think the tour's over, David.
1337
01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:26,199
I think I need to stay here and
see what happens with Terry.
1338
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:27,839
Even I'm losing the will.
1339
01:04:27,840 --> 01:04:28,800
Nonsense.
1340
01:04:28,801 --> 01:04:31,599
The ballroom is the finale.
1341
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:35,999
We're safe now our real
life murderer is in custody.
1342
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:38,079
Terry's not the murderer.
1343
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:40,479
I've known him for years,
he's not like that.
1344
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:42,759
He's just helping the
police with their inquiries,
1345
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:44,920
which is perfectly normal.
1346
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,480
And often ends well.
1347
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:52,359
There'll be champagne.
1348
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:54,760
It all feels in poor taste.
1349
01:04:55,680 --> 01:04:58,239
David, it, it's over.
1350
01:04:58,240 --> 01:04:59,359
I'm calling it a day.
1351
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:02,119
I'm sorry everyone, I'm sorry.
1352
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:03,919
Now look here, Missy.
1353
01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:05,759
I have a contract with your company
1354
01:05:05,760 --> 01:05:08,679
that states quite plainly
that the final destination
1355
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:11,999
of this itinerary is the
Blackpool Tower Ballroom.
1356
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:16,279
Now you will either help me
get these good people up there,
1357
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:19,879
right now, or so help
me God, I shall sue you
1358
01:05:19,880 --> 01:05:22,719
so heavily that you'll have the homeless
1359
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:24,400
looking down at you.
1360
01:05:26,200 --> 01:05:27,720
Do you understand?
1361
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:43,159
Ha ha, Blackpool.
1362
01:05:43,160 --> 01:05:44,759
Gemma.
1363
01:05:44,760 --> 01:05:48,120
You all drag me to these romantic places.
1364
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:54,119
Come on, keep up.
1365
01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:57,239
What I've got planned is a
once in a lifetime experience.
1366
01:05:57,240 --> 01:05:58,599
Well this had better be good.
1367
01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:01,559
We've walked past four bingo
halls and I've not gone in.
1368
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:03,679
It's against my better nature.
1369
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:06,479
I can feel those balls calling me.
1370
01:06:06,480 --> 01:06:10,080
And ahead, our final destination.
1371
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:15,279
Evidence?
1372
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:16,999
They didn't have any evidence.
1373
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:19,399
DNA, motive, none of that.
1374
01:06:19,400 --> 01:06:20,759
Pretty good of you to ask them about that.
1375
01:06:20,760 --> 01:06:22,719
I had nothing.
1376
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:25,679
So, looks like you'll get away with it.
1377
01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:26,919
Get away with...
1378
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:28,679
Get away with what?
1379
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:30,439
I didn't do anything.
1380
01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:32,079
And the more you keep up
that kind of performance,
1381
01:06:32,080 --> 01:06:34,919
the more chance we have
of getting you off.
1382
01:06:34,920 --> 01:06:36,639
A fat lot of good you was.
1383
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:38,559
Where did you go to law school?
1384
01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:40,999
Not school, per se, more
of an online course.
1385
01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:42,759
Dead easy, you can do
it in your spare time.
1386
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:44,959
They've got loads of subjects.
1387
01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:47,360
I'm also a qualified dentist.
1388
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:50,200
Sort of.
1389
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:52,399
I've got to find Gemma.
1390
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:54,199
Listen, make sure you
stay in Blackpool, though,
1391
01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:56,319
they might want to ask you more questions.
1392
01:06:56,320 --> 01:06:57,599
Give your time to rehearse all that,
1393
01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,719
"Ooh, I didn't do it" routine, though.
1394
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:01,519
I'm not going anywhere, mate.
1395
01:07:01,520 --> 01:07:02,360
I've got to find the bloke
1396
01:07:02,361 --> 01:07:04,319
who's trying to kill my passengers.
1397
01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:06,919
Nice, method acting, that's the way to go.
1398
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:10,560
Really inhabit the part
of the innocent man.
1399
01:07:14,360 --> 01:07:17,119
In a moment, we will raise a toast
1400
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:19,879
not only to our fallen comrades,
1401
01:07:19,880 --> 01:07:24,120
but also to the books that
brought us all together.
1402
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:28,119
But first, let me take you through
1403
01:07:28,120 --> 01:07:30,639
some additional
merchandise available today
1404
01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:32,480
at rock bottom prices.
1405
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:39,400
Now first of all, we have the
full set of books, read by me.
1406
01:07:51,480 --> 01:07:52,999
What are you doing here?
1407
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:55,079
What are you doing here, more like?
1408
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:56,799
You're supposed to be in jail.
1409
01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:57,959
And how do you know that?
1410
01:07:57,960 --> 01:08:00,559
I called the police.
1411
01:08:00,560 --> 01:08:02,159
Told them that you were the killer.
1412
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:04,759
So you tried to frame me?
1413
01:08:04,760 --> 01:08:06,279
You're the sodding murderer, aren't you?
1414
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:08,039
I'll murder you for touching my Gemgem.
1415
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:09,319
Oh, come on then.
1416
01:08:09,320 --> 01:08:10,160
You come on then.
1417
01:08:10,161 --> 01:08:11,639
No, you come on then.
1418
01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:12,560
I'm right here.
1419
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:13,400
Do something.
1420
01:08:13,401 --> 01:08:14,799
I will do something.
1421
01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:15,800
Come on then.
1422
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:16,640
Bring it.
1423
01:08:16,641 --> 01:08:17,999
I brought it.
1424
01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:19,279
Don't you worry.
1425
01:08:19,280 --> 01:08:22,079
Packed it, brought it, and
you're about to get it.
1426
01:08:22,080 --> 01:08:23,199
So where is it then?
1427
01:08:23,200 --> 01:08:24,479
Right here.
1428
01:08:24,480 --> 01:08:28,879
But I must warn you, I've
had four karate lessons.
1429
01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:30,439
And I must also worn you
1430
01:08:30,440 --> 01:08:33,279
I've seen every single
Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.
1431
01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:36,199
Including Kung Fu Panda
2, and Kung Fu Panda 3,
1432
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:38,079
in which admittedly, he's just a voice.
1433
01:08:38,080 --> 01:08:39,519
But...
1434
01:08:39,520 --> 01:08:42,359
He's still in the credits.
1435
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:44,599
Then let battle commence.
1436
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:47,279
Argh! Not me, not me ears.
1437
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:48,719
We never said ears were allowed.
1438
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:50,999
You're not gonna kill me like
you killed all the others.
1439
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:52,399
Killer?
1440
01:08:52,400 --> 01:08:54,599
I'm not a killer.
1441
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:55,760
A voyeur, yes.
1442
01:08:56,920 --> 01:08:58,680
A stalker, certainly.
1443
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:01,279
But I'm not a murderer.
1444
01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:03,159
You bloody are.
1445
01:09:03,160 --> 01:09:05,959
You choked Marj, you shoved
Moira off of that gorge,
1446
01:09:05,960 --> 01:09:07,439
and you beheaded Kevin.
1447
01:09:07,440 --> 01:09:09,600
And you knocked out David.
1448
01:09:10,800 --> 01:09:13,199
Which, I'm not actually
that bothered about.
1449
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:16,559
I did not do any of those things.
1450
01:09:16,560 --> 01:09:18,120
And I can prove it.
1451
01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:20,919
The old nibble on the earlobe.
1452
01:09:20,920 --> 01:09:23,039
She used to love that.
1453
01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:24,479
She still does.
1454
01:09:24,480 --> 01:09:26,319
Just not by you.
1455
01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:27,399
Get to the point.
1456
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:28,519
Hang on.
1457
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:29,520
I'll rewind.
1458
01:09:31,920 --> 01:09:33,319
Here we go.
1459
01:09:33,320 --> 01:09:35,159
Your man David.
1460
01:09:35,160 --> 01:09:36,839
So you're stalking David as well?
1461
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:37,840
No.
1462
01:09:37,841 --> 01:09:40,359
He just came outside, so I did
some test footage with him.
1463
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:42,559
You know, check the
exposure, and all that?
1464
01:09:42,560 --> 01:09:45,439
For when I was filming you two.
1465
01:09:45,440 --> 01:09:49,439
Biggest problem for a stalker,
really, picture quality.
1466
01:09:49,440 --> 01:09:52,519
That and restraining orders.
1467
01:09:52,520 --> 01:09:54,559
So this is when he was attacked?
1468
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:56,039
It is.
1469
01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:57,679
So you've got the attacker on tape.
1470
01:09:57,680 --> 01:09:58,839
The real murderer?
1471
01:09:58,840 --> 01:09:59,840
Oh yes.
1472
01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:05,240
Oh, so he attacked himself?
1473
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:09,839
So we wouldn't suspect him of anything.
1474
01:10:09,840 --> 01:10:12,519
He's the bloody lunatic
who's been killing everyone.
1475
01:10:12,520 --> 01:10:13,759
Yeah.
1476
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:15,159
Some people, eh?
1477
01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:16,479
Disgusting.
1478
01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:18,639
So why didn't you call
the police about him?
1479
01:10:18,640 --> 01:10:20,279
Because he didn't kiss my Gemma.
1480
01:10:20,280 --> 01:10:21,999
Yeah, but now David's
been allowed to walk off
1481
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:24,439
with a whole coachload full of passengers.
1482
01:10:24,440 --> 01:10:26,679
Including my possibly future,
1483
01:10:26,680 --> 01:10:29,320
and your definite ex-girlfriend.
1484
01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:31,999
That hasn't worked out, has it?
1485
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:33,319
And now they're on their
way to the ballroom,
1486
01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:36,919
so he can do who knows what to them.
1487
01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:38,119
Oh.
1488
01:10:38,120 --> 01:10:39,120
Yes. Oh.
1489
01:10:40,520 --> 01:10:44,079
Now come on, we have
to go and rescue Gemma.
1490
01:10:44,080 --> 01:10:45,399
The police have got the keys to the coach,
1491
01:10:45,400 --> 01:10:46,559
so we're gonna have to run.
1492
01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:47,400
Come on.
1493
01:10:47,401 --> 01:10:49,919
No, why not just get an Uber?
1494
01:10:49,920 --> 01:10:50,960
Okay, I'll run. I'll run.
1495
01:10:53,480 --> 01:10:55,759
And so let's raise a toast.
1496
01:10:55,760 --> 01:10:58,839
Not only to the fallen,
but also in celebration
1497
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:00,680
of those who survived.
1498
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:05,719
Some might say, outwitted
the evil intentions
1499
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:08,159
of Terry the coach driver.
1500
01:11:08,160 --> 01:11:10,239
He's in his element, isn't he?
1501
01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:11,240
Yeah.
1502
01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:15,159
I need the toilet.
1503
01:11:15,160 --> 01:11:17,479
Girls together, we could freshen up?
1504
01:11:17,480 --> 01:11:21,040
I think we'll have time for
a mani pedi at this rate.
1505
01:11:28,920 --> 01:11:32,600
All right, not the ears, get off the ears!
1506
01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:46,439
Murderer!
1507
01:11:46,440 --> 01:11:48,959
And creepy stalker man.
1508
01:11:48,960 --> 01:11:49,960
No.
1509
01:11:50,840 --> 01:11:52,239
Well, he is still a stalker,
1510
01:11:52,240 --> 01:11:53,919
but I'm not the murderer.
1511
01:11:53,920 --> 01:11:55,599
He's not, he's not the killer.
1512
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:56,999
David.
1513
01:11:57,000 --> 01:11:58,439
David's the murderer.
1514
01:11:58,440 --> 01:11:59,519
Me?
1515
01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:00,600
How dare you.
1516
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:03,400
Ben filmed him.
1517
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:05,679
At the hotel.
1518
01:12:05,680 --> 01:12:07,359
He hit himself on the head.
1519
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:10,159
He faked his own attempted murder.
1520
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:11,160
I did not.
1521
01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:14,959
I've got you on film, pal.
1522
01:12:14,960 --> 01:12:16,519
As clear as every shot I've got of Gemma
1523
01:12:16,520 --> 01:12:18,840
through her bathroom window.
1524
01:12:25,960 --> 01:12:26,960
Get him!
1525
01:12:31,160 --> 01:12:33,239
It's a shame about Terry.
1526
01:12:33,240 --> 01:12:35,359
Ah, Terry's not
the one doing this, Laura,
1527
01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:36,679
I'm sure of it.
1528
01:12:36,680 --> 01:12:38,959
Oh, you can see he's not the type.
1529
01:12:38,960 --> 01:12:40,599
Mind you, if he was, he would fit in with
1530
01:12:40,600 --> 01:12:44,079
the succession of nutters I've
gone out with over the years.
1531
01:12:44,080 --> 01:12:46,159
There's Ben, my stalker,
1532
01:12:46,160 --> 01:12:48,879
before him was Chris,
he stole from my purse.
1533
01:12:48,880 --> 01:12:52,159
Oh and of course Andy, kept
calling me by his mother's name,
1534
01:12:52,160 --> 01:12:54,119
even when we were in bed.
1535
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:57,360
And exclusively when we were in bed.
1536
01:13:21,720 --> 01:13:23,679
How are there no other ways out of here?
1537
01:13:23,680 --> 01:13:27,359
Because, David, this is
where they keep the chairs.
1538
01:13:27,360 --> 01:13:29,319
And me and these chairs
have something in common.
1539
01:13:29,320 --> 01:13:30,160
What?
1540
01:13:30,161 --> 01:13:33,159
We both know a tired old
asshole when we see one.
1541
01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:35,599
Nearly got away with it, didn't you?
1542
01:13:35,600 --> 01:13:39,559
Bringing everyone here
for your last murder.
1543
01:13:39,560 --> 01:13:41,839
Thanks to this book the police gave me,
1544
01:13:41,840 --> 01:13:44,000
I'm one step ahead of you.
1545
01:13:45,640 --> 01:13:49,319
"Toxic Tango in the Butcher's Ballroom".
1546
01:13:49,320 --> 01:13:52,599
You poisoned the champagne
just like in the book.
1547
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:54,199
It looks like I got
here in time to stop you
1548
01:13:54,200 --> 01:13:55,919
before anybody drank it.
1549
01:13:55,920 --> 01:13:56,959
Oh God.
1550
01:13:56,960 --> 01:13:57,800
What?
1551
01:13:57,801 --> 01:13:59,119
I drank the champagne.
1552
01:13:59,120 --> 01:14:02,039
While you were telling us
David was the murderer.
1553
01:14:02,040 --> 01:14:03,759
While I was telling you he was the killer,
1554
01:14:03,760 --> 01:14:05,399
you drank something that he'd given you.
1555
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:06,240
Well you can't waste champagne,
1556
01:14:06,241 --> 01:14:08,680
it's like expensive Prosecco.
1557
01:14:10,240 --> 01:14:11,240
Oh, my God.
1558
01:14:13,160 --> 01:14:14,760
I've been poisoned.
1559
01:14:15,960 --> 01:14:16,800
George!
1560
01:14:16,801 --> 01:14:17,839
Grace.
1561
01:14:17,840 --> 01:14:19,079
I can feel it.
1562
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:21,279
It's already in me.
1563
01:14:21,280 --> 01:14:23,399
Oh, Grace, I love you.
1564
01:14:23,400 --> 01:14:25,919
I can't let you go without you
knowing the things I've done.
1565
01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:28,199
You've done nothing but love me, George.
1566
01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:30,679
No, Grace, I've been a bad man.
1567
01:14:30,680 --> 01:14:32,759
This is about to get interesting.
1568
01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:36,079
The cleaner, Grace, I'm so sorry.
1569
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:37,999
I did pay her to do those things to me.
1570
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:39,080
Oh, George.
1571
01:14:40,320 --> 01:14:41,759
I forgive you.
1572
01:14:41,760 --> 01:14:46,359
A- and the cleaner's son,
who used to do the gardens.
1573
01:14:46,360 --> 01:14:47,959
Yes George?
1574
01:14:47,960 --> 01:14:49,239
Is he actually your son?
1575
01:14:49,240 --> 01:14:50,399
No.
1576
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:52,039
God, no.
1577
01:14:52,040 --> 01:14:53,399
I've been buying cannabis off him
1578
01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:54,959
and putting it in your muesli.
1579
01:14:54,960 --> 01:14:56,719
But why, George, why?
1580
01:14:56,720 --> 01:14:58,679
Well just to calm you
down, because if I didn't,
1581
01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:00,799
I would've killed you myself by now.
1582
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:01,800
Oh, George, why?
1583
01:15:01,801 --> 01:15:03,359
Because of all your rules.
1584
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:05,399
No mouth kissing until
I've brushed and flossed,
1585
01:15:05,400 --> 01:15:08,400
no drinking because you
think my laugh becomes nasal.
1586
01:15:10,320 --> 01:15:12,239
I don't mean to rain on your parade,
1587
01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,319
but I want to make it
clear I poisoned no one.
1588
01:15:14,320 --> 01:15:15,320
What?
1589
01:15:16,040 --> 01:15:18,040
Oh, great, she's fine.
1590
01:15:22,760 --> 01:15:26,039
You don't want to worry
about getting a man, Gemma.
1591
01:15:26,040 --> 01:15:27,120
Oh, I know.
1592
01:15:27,960 --> 01:15:29,999
What's the alternative?
1593
01:15:30,000 --> 01:15:31,439
I mean, I know what the alternative is,
1594
01:15:31,440 --> 01:15:34,680
and I've never been attracted to women.
1595
01:15:36,840 --> 01:15:38,919
Although I did have an odd
fascination with Steffi Graf
1596
01:15:38,920 --> 01:15:40,679
when I was younger.
1597
01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:42,919
Do you think that counts?
1598
01:15:42,920 --> 01:15:47,000
All right, I admit I did
hit myself on my head.
1599
01:15:48,680 --> 01:15:51,759
But in truth, that was only
to refocus your attention
1600
01:15:51,760 --> 01:15:54,519
back on me, you were all
getting so preoccupied
1601
01:15:54,520 --> 01:15:57,839
with the actual killings, you're
forgetting why we're here.
1602
01:15:57,840 --> 01:15:59,079
Me.
1603
01:15:59,080 --> 01:16:00,479
Bollocks.
1604
01:16:00,480 --> 01:16:02,199
I'm calling the police.
1605
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:04,159
What kind of arrogant maniac
writes a murder series
1606
01:16:04,160 --> 01:16:06,679
and then reenacts them?
1607
01:16:06,680 --> 01:16:08,559
You're going down, for life.
1608
01:16:08,560 --> 01:16:12,159
No, please, please, please don't.
1609
01:16:12,160 --> 01:16:14,559
They're not even my murders,
I didn't write the books.
1610
01:16:14,560 --> 01:16:15,799
Oh my God.
1611
01:16:15,800 --> 01:16:18,799
You didn't write "Death Replumbs Her"?
1612
01:16:18,800 --> 01:16:19,800
No.
1613
01:16:22,320 --> 01:16:23,320
No, I...
1614
01:16:24,960 --> 01:16:25,960
I didn't.
1615
01:16:30,600 --> 01:16:33,759
I was working in publishing.
1616
01:16:33,760 --> 01:16:36,360
Things weren't going very well.
1617
01:16:37,320 --> 01:16:40,839
And I, I hadn't had a successful
book published in months.
1618
01:16:40,840 --> 01:16:44,039
I needed a hit, or I'd be
out of publishing forever,
1619
01:16:44,040 --> 01:16:46,040
or even worse than that.
1620
01:16:47,320 --> 01:16:50,240
Moved to celebrity autobiographies.
1621
01:16:51,560 --> 01:16:56,039
And then, one day, a
huge pile of manuscripts
1622
01:16:56,040 --> 01:16:57,639
landed on my desk.
1623
01:16:57,640 --> 01:16:59,359
Ten complete novels,
1624
01:16:59,360 --> 01:17:01,999
I mean who sends in
ten books, handwritten.
1625
01:17:02,000 --> 01:17:06,039
The author, Mary, had sent a note, saying,
1626
01:17:06,040 --> 01:17:08,559
"Treasure these. They're the only copies."
1627
01:17:08,560 --> 01:17:10,479
I saw my chance.
1628
01:17:10,480 --> 01:17:13,759
Since they were the only copies.
1629
01:17:13,760 --> 01:17:17,919
No one could prove that
I hadn't written them.
1630
01:17:17,920 --> 01:17:20,599
And there was a lot more
money for the author.
1631
01:17:20,600 --> 01:17:24,959
So, I went ahead, and
I said they were mine.
1632
01:17:24,960 --> 01:17:26,759
Some might say it was the perfect crime.
1633
01:17:26,760 --> 01:17:29,799
Almost what she'd have wanted.
1634
01:17:29,800 --> 01:17:31,599
Didn't the real writer ever
wonder what was happening
1635
01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:34,519
when their book started
popping up in shops.
1636
01:17:34,520 --> 01:17:37,519
Well, she did get in touch, yes.
1637
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:38,999
She came to see me,
1638
01:17:39,000 --> 01:17:42,359
and she told me she had
a young daughter to feed.
1639
01:17:42,360 --> 01:17:44,359
I just saw pound signs.
1640
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:45,959
I threatened her with legal action,
1641
01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:49,359
and she ran out of the office, crying.
1642
01:17:49,360 --> 01:17:52,680
I heard later that she'd killed herself.
1643
01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:59,640
You stole somebody's talent
just to get some notoriety?
1644
01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:02,919
You're the Milli Vanilli of literature.
1645
01:18:02,920 --> 01:18:05,999
Well I, I did write the book's titles.
1646
01:18:06,000 --> 01:18:09,039
They're the worst bit
about the bloody books.
1647
01:18:09,040 --> 01:18:12,280
But that is still no proof of murder.
1648
01:18:13,320 --> 01:18:17,040
Mary Bishop, you said
I'd get my comeuppance.
1649
01:18:18,400 --> 01:18:20,039
Here it is.
1650
01:18:20,040 --> 01:18:21,280
It's come up...
1651
01:18:24,760 --> 01:18:25,760
... enced.
1652
01:18:27,680 --> 01:18:30,520
Right, you nearly done in there?
1653
01:18:31,640 --> 01:18:35,679
You've been a while, do you need any help?
1654
01:18:35,680 --> 01:18:40,680
My mother killed herself because
of what a man did to her.
1655
01:18:41,760 --> 01:18:43,599
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1656
01:18:43,600 --> 01:18:44,920
He robbed her.
1657
01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:50,159
Robbed her of the one thing
she spent her life creating.
1658
01:18:50,160 --> 01:18:52,080
So he robbed me of her.
1659
01:18:53,080 --> 01:18:55,319
Oh my God, that's so sad.
1660
01:18:55,320 --> 01:18:57,959
If you want to talk
about it, we've got time.
1661
01:18:57,960 --> 01:19:00,959
I'm in no rush to get
back to David's toast.
1662
01:19:00,960 --> 01:19:02,679
Honestly, for such a poor writer,
1663
01:19:02,680 --> 01:19:04,719
he does think a lot of himself.
1664
01:19:04,720 --> 01:19:06,439
The books are brilliantly written.
1665
01:19:06,440 --> 01:19:09,919
Ah, come on, they're nonsense.
1666
01:19:09,920 --> 01:19:12,080
The books are brilliant.
1667
01:19:14,200 --> 01:19:15,959
All right.
1668
01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:18,559
Fair enough, each to their own I suppose.
1669
01:19:18,560 --> 01:19:21,159
At least we've got to
the last of them now.
1670
01:19:21,160 --> 01:19:23,400
No more murders, hopefully.
1671
01:19:24,800 --> 01:19:27,439
There is one book we haven't covered yet.
1672
01:19:27,440 --> 01:19:29,759
Oh, God, not another one.
1673
01:19:29,760 --> 01:19:31,360
What happens in it?
1674
01:19:36,880 --> 01:19:39,399
A woman gets stabbed in the toilet.
1675
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:42,519
Could be any night in Blackpool, that.
1676
01:19:42,520 --> 01:19:44,119
Bishop.
1677
01:19:44,120 --> 01:19:45,679
That name rings a bell.
1678
01:19:45,680 --> 01:19:49,719
It's quite a common name,
especially in the clergy.
1679
01:19:49,720 --> 01:19:51,759
No, I've seen it today.
1680
01:19:51,760 --> 01:19:53,599
Or yesterday.
1681
01:19:53,600 --> 01:19:56,519
That's it, the passenger list.
1682
01:19:56,520 --> 01:19:58,879
One of the passengers is called Bishop.
1683
01:19:58,880 --> 01:19:59,800
You are Miss?
1684
01:19:59,801 --> 01:20:01,399
Laura Bishop.
1685
01:20:01,400 --> 01:20:03,079
Oh God.
1686
01:20:03,080 --> 01:20:04,119
It's Laura.
1687
01:20:04,120 --> 01:20:05,279
Where is she?
1688
01:20:05,280 --> 01:20:08,599
Well, I saw her sloping off
to the toilets with Gemma.
1689
01:20:08,600 --> 01:20:10,199
Who knows what they're up to in there,
1690
01:20:10,200 --> 01:20:12,119
but it's the modern world.
1691
01:20:12,120 --> 01:20:13,639
None of my business.
1692
01:20:13,640 --> 01:20:14,440
Gemma.
1693
01:20:14,440 --> 01:20:15,440
I'm coming!
1694
01:20:18,840 --> 01:20:19,840
George.
1695
01:20:20,760 --> 01:20:22,519
We need to talk.
1696
01:20:22,520 --> 01:20:23,520
Yes.
1697
01:20:24,440 --> 01:20:26,399
You're the murderer?
1698
01:20:26,400 --> 01:20:27,719
But, but no, you can't-
1699
01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:29,679
Can't what, Gemma?
1700
01:20:29,680 --> 01:20:31,399
What can't I do?
1701
01:20:31,400 --> 01:20:32,719
I think you'll find that when a young girl
1702
01:20:32,720 --> 01:20:35,639
has watched a dribbling spilk like David
1703
01:20:35,640 --> 01:20:38,879
steal her mother's life's work,
1704
01:20:38,880 --> 01:20:41,079
and then watched her take her own life.
1705
01:20:41,080 --> 01:20:43,279
When you've seen all
that, I think you'll find
1706
01:20:43,280 --> 01:20:45,679
there's nothing you can't do.
1707
01:20:45,680 --> 01:20:47,479
All right.
1708
01:20:47,480 --> 01:20:49,319
It's a bit heavy.
1709
01:20:49,320 --> 01:20:51,719
I can see you're still
working through some stuff.
1710
01:20:51,720 --> 01:20:53,200
I'll just pop out and give you some-
1711
01:20:55,720 --> 01:20:57,999
I'll probably just stay here.
1712
01:20:58,000 --> 01:21:00,759
Moira was supposed to be my cover.
1713
01:21:00,760 --> 01:21:03,239
I met her at one of David's book signings.
1714
01:21:03,240 --> 01:21:06,319
Pretty soon she took
me on as her assistant.
1715
01:21:06,320 --> 01:21:09,599
Let me tell you, after scraping the gunk
1716
01:21:09,600 --> 01:21:11,639
from under her big toe every night,
1717
01:21:11,640 --> 01:21:14,479
it made me more determined to frame David
1718
01:21:14,480 --> 01:21:16,479
and bump Moira off.
1719
01:21:16,480 --> 01:21:21,279
But somehow you and your fat
boyfriend got in the way.
1720
01:21:21,280 --> 01:21:23,319
You're the last one, Gemma.
1721
01:21:23,320 --> 01:21:24,919
You're as bad as the others.
1722
01:21:24,920 --> 01:21:27,239
Giving him money, sucking up to him
1723
01:21:27,240 --> 01:21:29,359
when it's my mother's words.
1724
01:21:29,360 --> 01:21:31,239
My mother's books.
1725
01:21:31,240 --> 01:21:33,240
Ooh, that looks sharp.
1726
01:21:35,280 --> 01:21:37,639
How far are these bloody toilets?
1727
01:21:37,640 --> 01:21:38,959
Come on, get a move on.
1728
01:21:38,960 --> 01:21:41,439
Don't rush me, I haven't
got my orthopaedics on.
1729
01:21:41,440 --> 01:21:42,799
I've got to save Gemma.
1730
01:21:42,800 --> 01:21:44,199
Then I'm coming too.
1731
01:21:44,200 --> 01:21:48,679
You need a chaperone before
entering a ladies private area.
1732
01:21:48,680 --> 01:21:50,239
Marj was the easiest.
1733
01:21:50,240 --> 01:21:52,199
She were easy to choke out.
1734
01:21:52,200 --> 01:21:55,559
Voice like a foghorn,
but weak as a sparrow.
1735
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:56,560
And Moira.
1736
01:21:57,440 --> 01:21:58,999
I don't know if you've ever tipped someone
1737
01:21:59,000 --> 01:22:00,799
over a gorge before, Gemma.
1738
01:22:00,800 --> 01:22:02,360
No, no no, never.
1739
01:22:03,440 --> 01:22:05,759
It's brilliant fun.
1740
01:22:05,760 --> 01:22:09,519
I'm gutted I killed Kevin,
but someone had to die.
1741
01:22:09,520 --> 01:22:13,599
Poor bloke never really knew
what was going on, anyway.
1742
01:22:13,600 --> 01:22:16,679
I've been planning this for years.
1743
01:22:16,680 --> 01:22:21,039
Once I've finished you
off, and then David,
1744
01:22:21,040 --> 01:22:24,159
this is gonna be all over the news.
1745
01:22:24,160 --> 01:22:26,839
Everyone's gonna rush out to buy the books
1746
01:22:26,840 --> 01:22:28,959
to see what all the fuss is about.
1747
01:22:28,960 --> 01:22:32,560
And then my mother's
memory will be honoured.
1748
01:22:37,040 --> 01:22:38,439
Is everything all right in here?
1749
01:22:38,440 --> 01:22:39,839
We heard a fracas.
1750
01:22:39,840 --> 01:22:41,680
Gemma, are you okay?
1751
01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:44,839
Run, both of you, get the police.
1752
01:22:44,840 --> 01:22:47,239
No, I'm not running anywhere, Gemma.
1753
01:22:47,240 --> 01:22:49,319
I've got some pepper spray in here.
1754
01:22:49,320 --> 01:22:50,799
Where did you get pepper spray?
1755
01:22:50,800 --> 01:22:51,840
Car boot.
1756
01:22:54,840 --> 01:22:56,840
I swear, it was in here.
1757
01:23:03,560 --> 01:23:05,079
There's no point being a hero now.
1758
01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:05,920
Quite right.
1759
01:23:05,921 --> 01:23:07,559
We don't know for sure
she's the killer, do we?
1760
01:23:07,560 --> 01:23:09,039
Innocent until proven guilty.
1761
01:23:09,040 --> 01:23:09,880
Yeah, very true.
1762
01:23:09,881 --> 01:23:13,480
I never had a problem
with her, personally.
1763
01:23:14,880 --> 01:23:15,720
Are you all right?
1764
01:23:15,720 --> 01:23:16,600
I'm fine.
1765
01:23:16,600 --> 01:23:17,600
You go, go.
1766
01:23:22,440 --> 01:23:23,799
I love you.
1767
01:23:23,800 --> 01:23:24,800
Aw!
1768
01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:27,279
Okay.
1769
01:23:27,280 --> 01:23:28,280
What?
1770
01:23:29,040 --> 01:23:33,079
I, I just don't think
we're quite there yet.
1771
01:23:33,080 --> 01:23:34,080
Oh, right.
1772
01:23:35,080 --> 01:23:36,600
Hashtag awkward.
1773
01:23:39,040 --> 01:23:41,600
Now go and get that mental witch.
1774
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:49,280
David.
1775
01:23:59,280 --> 01:24:00,280
David!
1776
01:24:14,000 --> 01:24:16,160
Coming through!
1777
01:24:19,360 --> 01:24:23,999
Whoa, whoa, mate, we're
closed for cleaning.
1778
01:24:24,000 --> 01:24:26,479
You just, you just go in, love.
1779
01:24:26,480 --> 01:24:27,999
I'll have to go, I've
had a couple come in.
1780
01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:30,159
The woman's caught him
cheating, or something.
1781
01:24:30,160 --> 01:24:33,320
Oh, hang on, I think it's a threesome.
1782
01:24:42,560 --> 01:24:43,560
David.
1783
01:24:46,440 --> 01:24:48,159
David, where are you?
1784
01:24:48,160 --> 01:24:51,639
I'm next to a large
Blackpool Tower ornament.
1785
01:24:51,640 --> 01:24:54,599
Or would you classify it as a figurine?
1786
01:24:54,600 --> 01:24:56,599
Stay where you are, David.
1787
01:24:56,600 --> 01:24:58,679
I'm coming for you.
1788
01:24:58,680 --> 01:25:01,479
Laura, you don't need to do this.
1789
01:25:01,480 --> 01:25:03,599
Look, I've only known David for 36 hours,
1790
01:25:03,600 --> 01:25:05,879
and already I want to kill him.
1791
01:25:05,880 --> 01:25:09,799
I don't think you're helping, Terry.
1792
01:25:09,800 --> 01:25:12,479
All I'm saying is I know how you feel.
1793
01:25:12,480 --> 01:25:14,640
But this isn't the answer.
1794
01:25:16,000 --> 01:25:19,559
David drove my mum to
suicide over those books.
1795
01:25:19,560 --> 01:25:23,319
Look, perhaps we could
come to some sort of deal.
1796
01:25:23,320 --> 01:25:27,320
I'd happily give you a
very generous percentage.
1797
01:25:29,240 --> 01:25:31,080
All I want is blood.
1798
01:25:37,960 --> 01:25:39,079
David.
1799
01:25:39,080 --> 01:25:41,279
Where are you now?
1800
01:25:41,280 --> 01:25:43,639
I'm by the two pee machines.
1801
01:25:43,640 --> 01:25:46,039
They're all bloody two pee machines.
1802
01:25:46,040 --> 01:25:47,399
Really?
1803
01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:48,879
All of them?
1804
01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:51,119
We're just out of the recession.
1805
01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:54,400
It's bloody Blackpool, not Monte Carlo.
1806
01:25:58,600 --> 01:26:00,199
Just leave it, Terry.
1807
01:26:00,200 --> 01:26:03,479
I don't have to kill
anyone else but David.
1808
01:26:03,480 --> 01:26:04,400
David.
1809
01:26:04,400 --> 01:26:05,360
Help me.
1810
01:26:05,361 --> 01:26:06,999
I'd love to, but I think this may be
1811
01:26:07,000 --> 01:26:09,600
the opportune time to run away.
1812
01:26:10,920 --> 01:26:12,519
Oh, cheers pal.
1813
01:26:12,520 --> 01:26:15,039
Only trying to save
your sodding life, here.
1814
01:26:15,040 --> 01:26:16,399
Oh dear.
1815
01:26:16,400 --> 01:26:20,320
Looks like it's gonna
have to be you after all.
1816
01:26:23,680 --> 01:26:25,719
Welcome to Blackpool, Missy.
1817
01:26:25,720 --> 01:26:27,319
Told you.
1818
01:26:27,320 --> 01:26:29,039
You did it.
1819
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:30,520
You saved the day.
1820
01:26:32,280 --> 01:26:33,160
Have you flossed?
1821
01:26:33,161 --> 01:26:34,559
No.
1822
01:26:34,560 --> 01:26:36,240
It doesn't matter.
1823
01:26:40,200 --> 01:26:43,719
And to think I almost
stole one of your bras.
1824
01:26:43,720 --> 01:26:45,599
Don't spoil it, George.
1825
01:26:45,600 --> 01:26:47,319
Yes, dear.
1826
01:26:47,320 --> 01:26:49,640
You dirty old sod, George.
1827
01:27:00,760 --> 01:27:02,039
Terry!
1828
01:27:02,040 --> 01:27:03,599
Oh my God, are you all right?
1829
01:27:03,600 --> 01:27:04,480
I'm fine.
1830
01:27:04,481 --> 01:27:06,479
I've had worse things thrown
at me by school trips.
1831
01:27:06,480 --> 01:27:07,839
How's your hand?
1832
01:27:07,840 --> 01:27:08,840
I'll live.
1833
01:27:10,760 --> 01:27:12,440
Come here, gently.
1834
01:27:14,360 --> 01:27:17,879
Well it seems, uh, I owe you an apology.
1835
01:27:17,880 --> 01:27:19,519
Just doing your job, mate.
1836
01:27:19,520 --> 01:27:21,279
It's pretty brave, Terry.
1837
01:27:21,280 --> 01:27:23,919
You should be proud of him, Miss.
1838
01:27:23,920 --> 01:27:25,639
Oh, I am.
1839
01:27:25,640 --> 01:27:28,039
I'll be in contact
tomorrow, if that's okay.
1840
01:27:28,040 --> 01:27:30,159
Let you get some rest.
1841
01:27:30,160 --> 01:27:31,839
I'd, uh, take your statements now,
1842
01:27:31,840 --> 01:27:34,519
but the Chief Inspector wants to see me.
1843
01:27:34,520 --> 01:27:38,360
Address some of the
mistakes made on the case.
1844
01:27:42,600 --> 01:27:44,599
Oh, that was ever so exciting,
1845
01:27:44,600 --> 01:27:46,759
they'll never believe us back at the home.
1846
01:27:46,760 --> 01:27:48,599
Marj would've loved it.
1847
01:27:48,600 --> 01:27:52,079
Ah, well maybe in some way she was here,
1848
01:27:52,080 --> 01:27:53,359
watching it all with us.
1849
01:27:53,360 --> 01:27:55,639
No dear, she's dead.
1850
01:27:55,640 --> 01:27:58,039
Don't patronise us.
1851
01:27:58,040 --> 01:27:59,040
Right.
1852
01:28:00,200 --> 01:28:04,479
I think we can call this
tour well and truly over.
1853
01:28:04,480 --> 01:28:05,960
Well, not quite.
1854
01:28:23,360 --> 01:28:25,040
Karen, this is it.
1855
01:28:26,280 --> 01:28:27,799
Just like you wanted it.
1856
01:28:27,800 --> 01:28:32,199
Back in Blackpool, at the
exact spot where I proposed.
1857
01:28:32,200 --> 01:28:34,599
Then we had fish and chips.
1858
01:28:34,600 --> 01:28:37,759
It gave you food poisoning which you said
1859
01:28:37,760 --> 01:28:39,360
ruined the holiday.
1860
01:28:42,240 --> 01:28:43,400
Goodbye, love.
1861
01:28:44,640 --> 01:28:45,679
Oh, wait.
1862
01:28:45,680 --> 01:28:46,719
The wind's a bit gusty.
1863
01:28:46,720 --> 01:28:48,159
Don't want blow back.
1864
01:28:48,160 --> 01:28:50,160
This sweater's clean on.
1865
01:28:56,640 --> 01:28:57,880
Goodbye love.
1866
01:29:00,360 --> 01:29:01,360
Bye Karen.
1867
01:29:02,520 --> 01:29:04,080
Bye. Sorry again.
1868
01:29:05,520 --> 01:29:06,520
Bye Karen.
1869
01:29:07,360 --> 01:29:09,199
Don't worry about the postcard.
1870
01:29:09,200 --> 01:29:12,959
If you see Marj, say hello from us.
1871
01:29:12,960 --> 01:29:16,640
And ask her where she put
my brown bloody shoes.
1872
01:29:25,880 --> 01:29:26,919
You okay, Graham?
1873
01:29:26,920 --> 01:29:28,000
Yeah, fine.
1874
01:29:29,120 --> 01:29:30,280
It's done now.
1875
01:29:33,560 --> 01:29:35,279
I hope you don't mind me asking, love,
1876
01:29:35,280 --> 01:29:37,040
but how did she pass?
1877
01:29:40,200 --> 01:29:41,960
I killed her.
144354
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