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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:05,303 All right, Listen up, people. 2 00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:06,304 Today, we're gonna Talk about 3 00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:08,306 What happens during Sexual intercourse. 4 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:11,776 Um, are we gonna be Choosing lab partners? 5 00:00:11,778 --> 00:00:14,546 'cause if so, I got dibs On donna hagen. 6 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,381 No, we're not choosing Lab partners, tommy. 7 00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,382 Well, then, We're gonna need 8 00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:19,384 A much more attractive C.P.R. Dummy. 9 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,454 All right, now, The male and female 10 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,156 Reproductive cells Each carry half--yes? 11 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:26,859 I'm sorry, but This material 12 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,994 Just lacks A certain, um... 13 00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,962 I don't know... Hotness. 14 00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:34,332 Let's talk about Cellular meiosis, all right? 15 00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,935 There are 5 stages-- Uh, yes? 16 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:37,936 When are you gonna Teach us 17 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,204 How to unhook a bra? 18 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,574 We're not learning that. 19 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:43,775 Ok. Well, 20 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,344 All this stuff is Very interesting, 21 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,512 But I'm not gonna Get to any of it 22 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:47,912 If I can't unhook a bra. 23 00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:52,584 Sally, is My shirt ready? 24 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:53,752 In a minute. 25 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,654 Sally, I'm starving. What's for dinner? 26 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,222 Oh, I made you Some hamburgers. 27 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,589 They're down at The hamburger place. 28 00:00:58,591 --> 00:00:59,590 All you have to do Is go there, 29 00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:00,726 Order, and pay for 'em. 30 00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:07,099 Hi, there, skipper. Bad day at school? 31 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,566 Yeah. They don't Teach you 32 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:09,601 Anything You can use. 33 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,069 I had sex ed Today... 34 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,171 Oh. Did they teach you How to take off a bra? 35 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,308 No. That's The thing. 36 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,076 It's all "Ed" And no sex. 37 00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:20,779 Oh, tommy, How I wish 38 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:23,414 We could afford Private school for you. 39 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:24,816 Well, I'm going to Don's. 40 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:25,984 We're gonna Have sex tonight. 41 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,151 That sounds Like fun. 42 00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:29,187 Hey, sally, Are you ovulating? 43 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,425 No. Are you? 44 00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,661 No. But you ought To be 45 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:37,830 Careful tonight At don's. 46 00:01:37,832 --> 00:01:39,865 You know, he's got Millions of sperm. 47 00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,368 Who told you that? 48 00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,369 I just Learned it. 49 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,370 I'm just saying You don't wanna 50 00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:46,437 Get pregnant. 51 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,207 Pfft! You can't Get pregnant like that. 52 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,241 You get pregnant from 53 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,675 Sitting on A toilet seat 54 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,812 Or swimming in a pool With some guys. 55 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,580 Oh, no. 56 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,852 No, that's not How it happens. 57 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,153 It's caused By sex. 58 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,255 Lieutenant, you are The security officer. 59 00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:05,290 If you got pregnant, 60 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:08,159 It would seriously Jeopardize our mission. 61 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,028 You never said Anything before. 62 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,229 Well, you weren't Getting the regular 63 00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:12,230 Nookie before. 64 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,634 Sally, getting pregnant Goes against protocol. 65 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,937 And it's an endless Responsibility. 66 00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,339 It'll make your feet Swell up. 67 00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:25,977 God, you guys are right. I can't get pregnant. 68 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,846 I just got new shoes. 69 00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:07,719 I'll be right back With your change. 70 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,822 You know, I can't believe 71 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,657 How flaky That sole was. 72 00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,660 Mm. You know what I can't believe? 73 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,161 That you've never Been pregnant. 74 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:17,995 What? 75 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,531 Considering how many 76 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,898 "Gentlemen callers" You've had, 77 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,066 It's kind of A miracle. 78 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,170 Dick, I can't Have children. 79 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,972 Oh, mary... Why not? 80 00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:29,307 Because I hate them. 81 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,011 Oh, well... We're ok then. 82 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:33,945 Thank you. 83 00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:42,854 What are you doing? 84 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,622 I'm just taking The little extra money 85 00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:46,925 You always leave for me. 86 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,393 Oh, my god! 87 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,028 No wonder we're Treated like crap 88 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,830 Everywhere we go! 89 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,498 How can you be So cheap? 90 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,800 I-I'm not cheap. 91 00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,101 Then put the tip Back on the table. 92 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,102 The what? 93 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,402 The tip. It was $10. 94 00:03:58,404 --> 00:03:59,404 Put it back. 95 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,939 Uh, of course. The tip. 96 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:05,977 Good night. Thank you. 97 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,212 Oh. Thank you. 98 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,819 Mary! That waitress Just stole our tip! 99 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,724 Don, this is So special-- 100 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,893 The wine, The candles... 101 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:25,230 The fish sticks. 102 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:28,000 I know your weak spot. 103 00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:29,001 Rrahhrr! 104 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,470 Ha ha ha ha! 105 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,971 You know... 106 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,740 We don't have to eat Right now. 107 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:41,079 Why don't I fire up The lava lamp? 108 00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:45,450 The red one? 109 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,085 Oh, yeah, baby. 110 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,086 Will you turn on 111 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,021 The black light In the aquarium? 112 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,123 Sure, baby. 113 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,024 Did you take out The dead angel fish? 114 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:55,660 I will, baby. 115 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,601 What? I can't! 116 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:04,902 Is it because Of the fish sticks? 117 00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,037 Because I could Brush my teeth. 118 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,372 No, no. I love fish sticks. 119 00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,540 It's just... I can't have sex 120 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:09,541 With you tonight. 121 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,708 Why? 122 00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:12,944 Tommy gave me Millions of reasons. 123 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,348 That little bastard. 124 00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:23,088 Did you find it yet? 125 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,756 No. Why didn't You tell me 126 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:25,924 That there was A rusty meal 127 00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,492 Surprise gift In the bag? 128 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,128 Oh. Wait a second. 129 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,597 Ah! There we go! 130 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,399 Yeah, I found it! 131 00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:35,400 [ice rattling] 132 00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,335 [ice rattling] 133 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,772 Um... Excuse me... 134 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,742 [ice rattling] 135 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,113 [change rattling] 136 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,458 Dude, I've got, Like, 40 bucks here. 137 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:01,926 How much do you have? 138 00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,395 We're supposed To be counting? 139 00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:09,233 Hey, where did All that money 140 00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:10,235 Come from? 141 00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,769 People gave it To us. 142 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:14,906 For what? Absolutely nothing. 143 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:15,907 You were great At it. 144 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,376 You were better, My man. 145 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,211 This makes No sense. 146 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,846 You're getting paid To do nothing. 147 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:22,847 Meanwhile, I'm expected 148 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:23,848 To pay tips To people 149 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:24,882 For doing things That I'm already 150 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,718 Paying them to do. 151 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,952 It's only fair, dick. 152 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,255 It's a reward For good service. 153 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,389 You know About tipping? 154 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,423 Sure. That's How I make 155 00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:33,725 Most of my money Down at the bar. 156 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:34,826 But I never tip you. 157 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:35,960 And that's Why your drink 158 00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:37,495 Always has That funny taste. 159 00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:45,536 Mary thinks I'm cheap. 160 00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:47,505 You're not cheap. You're thrifty. 161 00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:48,506 Frugal. Economical. 162 00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:49,507 Cheap. 163 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,109 Yeah, that's it. You're cheap. 164 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,913 I can't let her Think that. 165 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,249 From now on, I'm tipping A generous 3% to 5%. 166 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,485 Cheap cheap cheap! Cheap cheap cheap! 167 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:01,720 Cheap cheap cheap! Cheap cheap cheap! 168 00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,254 I am not cheap! 169 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:06,725 Dick, we're having Girl talk here. 170 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,027 Ohh...Girl talk! 171 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,697 Anyway, don and I Have been together 172 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:13,798 For a while now, 173 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,166 And so far, I've been lucky, 174 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,502 But how long can I stay lucky? 175 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,170 Honey, what kind Of birth control 176 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,304 Are you using? 177 00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,840 Birth control? 178 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,610 I can control birth? 179 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,213 Sure, you can. You know, 180 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,281 With Birth control. 181 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:30,482 Oh, do not come in here 182 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,417 Claiming you know What that is. 183 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,618 But I do. I know that, 184 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,619 I know tipping, 185 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,988 I know Everything. 186 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,490 And I'm Not cheap. 187 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:41,159 Cheap cheap cheap! Cheap cheap cheap! 188 00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:45,630 Thanks. 189 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,665 Dick, you do not Have to come with me 190 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,801 To the gynecologist's Office. 191 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,202 I've been with you For all your 192 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,138 Womanly milestones. 193 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,305 I was with you When you got 194 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,706 Your first bikini wax. 195 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,176 No, you weren't. 196 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,444 Yes, I was. You just couldn't see me. 197 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:04,716 Ok, sally. 198 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,217 Sorry to keep You waiting. 199 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,552 Nice to see you. You, too. 200 00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:08,586 Hello. 201 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:11,289 Well, let's talk About birth control. 202 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,290 What have you used In the past? 203 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:13,291 Nothing. 204 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,659 It never really Occurred to us 205 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,660 To use anything. 206 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,161 Oh. Well, uh, 207 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,197 How long have the two Of you been married? 208 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,831 Married? Oh, He's my brother. 209 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,836 Oh, no, no, no. I have a boyfriend. 210 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,539 I'm not even Attracted to him. 211 00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:31,243 Thanks for the Gratuitous slam, sally. 212 00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:32,310 Ok. Well, 213 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:35,112 What method were you Interested in exploring? 214 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,549 Well, I don't want Him to know 215 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:38,650 I'm using it, 216 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,552 So I don't want Anything loud. 217 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:44,489 Loud? 218 00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,258 Yeah. I mean, it Would just crush him 219 00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:48,126 If he knew I didn't want To have his kids. 220 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,127 Oh, right. 221 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,995 Well, uh...This Is the sponge. 222 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:51,996 It's small 223 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,065 And highly Effective. 224 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,366 Sponge? 225 00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:59,370 Oh, I get it. It's so small, 226 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,371 That by the time You're done 227 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,438 Doing the dishes, 228 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,142 You're too exhausted To have sex, right? 229 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,148 Do they come with A scouring side? 230 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,383 No, no. You see, 231 00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:13,118 The sponge, The diaphragm, 232 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,386 These are Barrier methods. 233 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:15,987 You insert them Before sex. 234 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:16,988 Ooh, mood killer. 235 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,090 It's not for us. 236 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:22,426 Look, don't you have Anything simple, easy, 237 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,527 Something like-- I don't know-- 238 00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,597 A pill or something? 239 00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,565 Well, of course, There is the pill. 240 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,700 Don't mock me. 241 00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,770 No, no, the Birth control pill. 242 00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:33,771 It's very safe 243 00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:34,839 And highly Effective. 244 00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,041 There are a few side Effects, however: 245 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:39,177 Bloating, anxiety, Mood swings... 246 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,445 Mood swings. I can handle that. 247 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:41,412 Bring it on. 248 00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,116 I can't swallow this. 249 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,453 Maybe if you Mash it up 250 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,454 With some bananas. 251 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,488 Oh, that's A good idea-- 252 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,422 I'll take it. 253 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,463 Somebody ordered A pizza? 254 00:09:58,465 --> 00:09:59,464 Nobody here. 255 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:02,467 Oh...Yes, They did. 256 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:05,703 Lunch is on me Today, girls. 257 00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,271 Money is no object, 258 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,507 So put away Those wallets. 259 00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,910 I am paying For this pizza-- 260 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:15,046 A pizza being Paid for...By me. 261 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,848 Thanks, dick. 262 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:17,849 Thank you, Dr. Solomon. 263 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:18,850 Oh, it's my pleasure. 264 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,017 That'll be $12. 265 00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,619 And there You are. 266 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,921 And here's Your change. 267 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,756 Mm-hmm. Let's see, 268 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:28,259 4.5% of 12 Would be... 269 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,861 Uh, excuse me. 270 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,529 Where's the little Patio table 271 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:34,765 That keeps the cheese From sticking to the lid? 272 00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,434 Sorry, man. 273 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,502 Thank you. 274 00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:41,338 I said thank you, My good man. 275 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,645 You are unbelievable. 276 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,081 What? I sprang For this pie. 277 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,916 You have to give The guy something. 278 00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,852 Well, why? A tip is Supposed to be 279 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,486 A reward For good service. 280 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,288 He brought the pizza All the way up here. 281 00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,690 But that's his job. 282 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,224 We have a business Arrangement. 283 00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,726 I'm not his mommy! 284 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,197 Come on! Come on! 285 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,932 Whaddaya got? Come on! 286 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:08,967 Whaddaya got? Come on! Come on! 287 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:09,968 Come on! Come on! 288 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:10,969 Come on! Come on! 289 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:11,970 Whaddaya got? Come on! 290 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,371 Thank you. Thank you. 291 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,706 That's really Nice of you. 292 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:15,740 Come on! Whaddaya got? 293 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:16,774 Hey, come on! 294 00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,009 Whaddaya got? Whaddaya got? 295 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,311 Come on, lady. Whaddaya got? 296 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,512 Come on! Come on! 297 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:30,722 Why are you crying? 298 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,724 The movie's so sad. 299 00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,027 It's "Caddyshack." 300 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:42,100 Yeah, but the gopher's Making fun of everybody. 301 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,337 You're right, sally. I'm--I'm sorry. 302 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,273 I should've rented Something else. 303 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,674 Yeah, you could've, 304 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,176 But you didn't, Did you? 305 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,779 Did you?! 306 00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,014 Well, why don't we Just turn it off? 307 00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,417 Oh, thanks, donnie. 308 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,319 I love you. 309 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,387 What are you doing? 310 00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:05,656 Playing "Kiss the cow"? 311 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,657 What do you mean? 312 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,526 Oh, please, Look at me. 313 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,328 I'm so fat And disgusting, 314 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,996 My boobs are sore... 315 00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:12,997 I don't even know How you can 316 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,965 Look at me. 317 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,000 Kiss me again. 318 00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:18,770 Uh, s-sally... You're all over the map. 319 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:19,770 What's going on? 320 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,306 Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. 321 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,607 Pfft! Ha ha... 322 00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:24,842 I'm gonna go to The fridge 323 00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:26,010 And get myself A brownie, 324 00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:27,444 And when I Come back... 325 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:28,746 [sadly] I want You to take it 326 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,047 Away from me. 327 00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:34,419 Oh, boy. I think I ate The last brownie. 328 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,954 Nooooo! 329 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,193 Now, you have Two different 330 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:43,461 Kinds Of chromosomes: 331 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:44,762 The "X" and the "Y," 332 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,130 And each one has A particular-- 333 00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:47,631 There you are. Oh, my god. 334 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:48,766 Yes? Listen, my gyno's 335 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,767 At lunch, 336 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,069 And you're The big sex expert-- 337 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,136 Are you kidding? He doesn't even know 338 00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:53,671 How to unhook a bra. 339 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:56,006 Tommy, he's My only hope, ok? 340 00:12:56,008 --> 00:12:57,275 Excuse me. Who are you? 341 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,276 A stranger. I'm his aunt. 342 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,276 Can I go to The bathroom? 343 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,378 No. Sit down. 344 00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,213 I'm in the middle Of teaching a class here. 345 00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:04,815 But I need answers. You see, 346 00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:05,950 I went on the pill, 347 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,685 But the pill's Making me act crazy, 348 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,220 And my boyfriend Thinks I'm nuts 349 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,522 'cause he doesn't know That I'm on the pill, 350 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:11,522 And I can't tell him, 351 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,357 So I just really Need your help. 352 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,325 Well, um... 353 00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:16,727 Have you considered Being honest 354 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,329 With your boyfriend? 355 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,630 That's not An option. 356 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,234 How about abstinence? 357 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,535 Abstinence? What's that? 358 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:28,072 That's...That's not Having sex at all. 359 00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:29,507 Yeah! 360 00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:33,177 Honesty! Honesty Will work! 361 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,348 Honesty. Abstinence. 362 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,616 Do you see What they're teaching us 363 00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:39,850 At the schools These days? 364 00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:41,285 Sally, While you're here, 365 00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:42,286 Can you at least Show us 366 00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:43,287 How to unhook a bra? 367 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:44,622 Hey, easy, solomon. 368 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,724 It's ok. I'll handle it. 369 00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:49,193 All right, Listen up, class. 370 00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:53,130 You got your front-loadin', And your back-loadin'. 371 00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:54,799 I'll need A volunteer. 372 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,840 Ah...Thank you. 373 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,145 Hello. Would you like 374 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,145 Something From the bar? 375 00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:10,014 Yes. I'll have A glass of merlot, 376 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,716 And a chardonnay For the lady 377 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,384 Who will be Joining me. 378 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,619 Oh, and, uh... 379 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,854 Can we establish Something first? 380 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,658 You are, I assume, Expecting a tip? 381 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,126 Well...Yes. 382 00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,561 Yep. All right. 383 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,764 Now, this pile Of one-dollar bills 384 00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:29,467 Represents your Potential tip. 385 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:36,340 Every time you please me, You'll see the pile grow. 386 00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,475 However, if I Am unsatisfied-- 387 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:40,177 If you're slow, mouthy, 388 00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:41,812 Or sneeze Into your hands-- 389 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,182 You'll notice the pile Shrinking. Agreed? 390 00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,284 Yes, I guess-- 391 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:47,751 All right. Good luck. 392 00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:52,589 Dick! 393 00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,992 Oh, hi, mary... 394 00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:56,493 Hi. Mwah! 395 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:57,594 So, this Is nice. 396 00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:58,896 Mm-hmm. Trust me. 397 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,465 I have taken care Of everything. 398 00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,469 Ok... Thank you. 399 00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:06,938 Here we go. 400 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,206 Uh...No. 401 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,981 Sorry. 402 00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:18,716 All right, we have Specials tonight. 403 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,151 There's a tri-colored salad 404 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,719 With candied walnuts And goat cheese. 405 00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:22,854 It's very, very light-- 406 00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:25,356 What kind of dressing Comes with that? 407 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,157 [sighs] I'll have to check. 408 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,092 Ouch. 409 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,829 What are you doing? 410 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:36,400 Don't worry, mary. Everything's under control. 411 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:37,401 There you go. 412 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:38,335 Hmm... 413 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:39,670 No. 414 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:44,575 Mmm! 415 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,946 All right, dick, What's going on? 416 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:52,750 Mary, I have Reinvented tipping. 417 00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:53,918 Oh, god. 418 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,419 No. I'm being generous, 419 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,821 But more importantly, I'm being honest. 420 00:15:57,823 --> 00:15:58,889 I'm bringing tipping 421 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,491 Out of its dark, Little cave 422 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,160 And into the light. 423 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,461 It's demeaning. 424 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,028 It's the truth, mary. 425 00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,063 Trust me, in the future, 426 00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:07,665 All tipping will be Done this way. 427 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,269 Ok. Just to Let you know, 428 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,404 The soup du jour is Butternut squash, 429 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,040 And, uh...We're out Of the monkfish. 430 00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,041 Uh-oh. 431 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,112 You don't even Like monkfish! 432 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,014 That's not The point, mary. 433 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,481 Could you give us A second? 434 00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,052 Ok, that's it. Cut it out. 435 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,053 From now on, 436 00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:30,855 I'm paying For dinner. 437 00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:31,889 Fine! 438 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,227 My wine tastes funny. 439 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:44,301 [mumbling in sleep] 440 00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,337 Ah...Er... Eleanor roosevelt... 441 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,209 Don? 442 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,344 What? 443 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,847 Sally...What are You doing here? 444 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,982 We need to talk. 445 00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,149 You're not gonna Yell at me again, 446 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:00,150 Are you? 447 00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:02,353 No, don. I... 448 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,054 I have to tell You something. 449 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,592 I've been taking pills. 450 00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:11,728 Pills! I should've known. 451 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,730 What are they? Uppers? Downers? 452 00:17:13,732 --> 00:17:15,232 Lubies? Beanballs? 453 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,036 Worse. 454 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,272 Birth control pills. 455 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,774 That's why I've been Acting so crazy. 456 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,176 You been taking Birth control pills? 457 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,176 Why didn't you Tell me? 458 00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:27,678 I just didn't want You to think 459 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,012 I didn't want To have your baby 460 00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:30,113 'cause I do-- 461 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,950 If I wanted to have A baby, which I don't. 462 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,685 Well, that's All right, sally. 463 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:35,753 Neither do I. 464 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,155 That's why I... Use protection. 465 00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:39,290 You do? 466 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,460 Of course. What'd you think was in 467 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:43,794 Those little Foil packets? 468 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,631 I thought those were Airplane peanuts. 469 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,603 Airplane peanuts? 470 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,704 Yeah. 471 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,907 And I used to wonder Why, before sex, 472 00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:59,343 You'd go into the bathroom And eat peanuts by yourself, 473 00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:00,945 But I figured, "Hey, 474 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,947 Whatever gets You in the mood," right? 475 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,751 No, sally, Not airplane peanuts. 476 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,585 Wait a second. 477 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:12,256 If we're both using Birth control, 478 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:15,359 Then one of us Can stop. 479 00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:17,328 But who? 480 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,362 Definitely you. 481 00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:21,632 Are you sure? Definitely you. 482 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,567 You're so sweet. 483 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:25,403 You know... 484 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:29,907 Now that I know We're both..."Safe," 485 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:33,010 Maybe we could... You know. 486 00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,077 I think I do. 487 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:35,479 Heh heh heh... 488 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,451 Ha ha ha ha! 489 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,386 [cracking up] 490 00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:46,590 What's so funny? 491 00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,825 [crying] Nothing! 492 00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:55,232 This isn't gonna Happen, is it? 493 00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:57,334 I'll see you tomorrow. 494 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,512 Come on! Whaddaya got? 495 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,513 Hey! Come on! 496 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:09,647 Come on! Whaddaya got? 497 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,716 Whaddaya got? Hey, come on! 498 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:12,717 Hey, rico. 499 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,319 Come on! Whaddaya got? 500 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,553 What are you guys Doing out here? 501 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:17,555 Making A nice living. 502 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:18,689 Yeah, so move along. 503 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:21,425 You're scaring away All the philanthropists. 504 00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,560 All right. You just Earned yourselves 505 00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:24,595 A citation. 506 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,431 For excellence in Change gathering? 507 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,867 [emotional] It's all Happening so fast. 508 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,335 Hi, guys. How's business? 509 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,103 Great! We're being Honored by rico. 510 00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,538 They're getting A citation. 511 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:36,974 Congratulations, Boys! 512 00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,510 The ticket's $75. 513 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,613 Wha..? Oh, well...Ok. 514 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:45,383 And I suppose you're Going to want 15% 515 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,618 As your own Personal cut, huh? 516 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,619 Excuse me? 517 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,620 Don't worry. 518 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,155 I know how these Things work. 519 00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:53,424 This should Take care of it. 520 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:56,260 All right, that's it. Get in the squad car. 521 00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:57,461 We're going downtown. 522 00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:59,963 Ah...Now that's Service. 523 00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:02,299 See you down there, Boys! 524 00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:03,467 Come on! Hey! 525 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,240 Oh, man... 526 00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,875 This pez sucks. 527 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:20,651 That is not pez. It's progesterone. 528 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,853 Well, then this Progesterone sucks. 529 00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:26,023 The calendar Function is nice. 530 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,224 Yeah. 531 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,225 Sally... 532 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,694 Do you tip your Gynecologist? 533 00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:33,363 Come on. With his job, He should be tipping me. 534 00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:37,034 Yeah, but it's strange, Though. 535 00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:38,802 You tip the guy Who delivers your pizza, 536 00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,971 But not the guy Who delivers your baby. 537 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,106 That's 'cause you Want your pizza 538 00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:44,175 To be hot. 539 00:20:44,177 --> 00:20:46,843 If he delivers your baby 540 00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:49,280 In 30 minutes or less, Though... 541 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,714 Then you tip him! 542 00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:53,317 Well, that's Just good service. 543 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:55,152 More people would Have babies 544 00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,687 If they came with Free garlic bread. 545 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:57,688 No, they wouldn't. 546 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,689 Yeah. You don't Know that. 547 00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,690 Yes, I do. 548 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:00,958 No. Give me that. 549 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,726 Come on. Come on. No! 38040

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