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1
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:09,708
So... You know
About the spring dance
Next week, right?
2
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:13,212
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Why, you wanna go?
3
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:16,381
- I don't care.
- argh, good, phew!
4
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,352
Wait, so-- so you're not
Asking me to the dance?
5
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:23,255
No.
6
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,723
As usual, you have no clue.
7
00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:28,594
- what?! Wait, wait,
Wait, you just said--
- never mind what I said.
8
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,829
But I distinctly heard you
Say that you did not care--
9
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:34,632
You s-- she--
10
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,503
Doesn't she ever
Just leave quietly?
11
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,005
( sighs )
I don't understand her.
12
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:43,976
What's to understand?
Kill her and get a new one.
13
00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:46,711
No, no, no, no, no,
You can't do that, see?
14
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,881
You gotta get a new one
And then you kill her.
15
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:55,587
It's like the book says,
"Be prepared."
16
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:59,458
"The official boy scout
Guide book." who are
The boy scouts?
17
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,995
They're an elite pre-pubescent,
Paramilitary society.
18
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:05,697
And I'm gonna follow
Their ways.
19
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:08,667
But, harry, you're neither
Elite, nor pre-pubescent.
20
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,702
All in good time, sally...
21
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,704
All in good time.
22
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:16,141
- whoa, what are you doing?
- it's these ants, they're
Everywhere.
23
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:20,245
Well, you can't kill 'em,
I'm breeding 'em.
24
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,647
Oh, that makes sense.
25
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:24,716
I'm going for my merit badge
In insect husbandry.
26
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,852
So you've turned my kitchen
Into an ant farm?
27
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:30,021
No, the ant farm
Is under your bed.
28
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:32,858
The kitchen is more
Of a lounge area.
29
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:35,527
- okay, it's okay.
- ( dick puffing )
30
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:39,163
- here we are, nice and safe.
- oh, oh, no, no...
31
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,767
- oh god.
- ( calling ) hello?
32
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,735
Dick's a little shaken up.
33
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:46,471
- what the heck happened now?
- yeah, so?
34
00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:49,808
Oh, I was driving along,
Radio blasting,
35
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:53,345
Wind rushing
Through my gorgeous hair,
36
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,814
When suddenly,
Out of nowhere,
37
00:01:55,816 --> 00:02:00,485
Wah! Boom-- oh!
( sobbing )
38
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:03,221
- what?
- he hit a chipmunk.
39
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:05,223
( sobbing continues )
40
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:08,793
A chipmunk?
What-- like one of those
Little disney rats?
41
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:14,098
Oh, and we rushed him
To the finest veterinarian
In all of rutherford,
42
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,834
But it's touch and go
43
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:19,471
And these damn doctors
Won't tell me what's
Really going on.
44
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,172
Oh, poor chippy...
45
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,841
- you named it "Chippy"?
- yeah.
46
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,109
Hmm, well, I think
It's kind of catchy--
47
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,878
Chippy the chipmunk...
48
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,681
Chippy,
The cheerful chipmunk...
49
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,617
The tragedy of chippy,
The cheerful chipmunk.
50
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:35,954
- ( sobbing ) oh, no!
- he'll be all right.
51
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,890
( theme music playing )
52
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,288
Object "A,"
53
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:13,325
A 2,358-pound
54
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:17,129
Rambler american from 1964,
55
00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:20,132
Traveling
At 45 miles per hour
56
00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:23,868
Collides with object "B,"
57
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,304
A tiny chipmunk...
58
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:32,277
Weighing a mere
Eight ounces.
59
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,415
Now, who can calculate
The psychological toll
60
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,417
This bloody collision
61
00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:43,020
Will take on the driver?
62
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,025
Dr. Solomon,
You hit a chipmunk?
63
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,995
( sobbing )
Yes.
64
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:54,566
Please, just tell me,
65
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,669
Would you like me
To ask you to the dance?
66
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:01,073
are you asking me
To the dance?
67
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:05,577
No, I'm asking you
If you want me to ask you
To the dance?
68
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,646
Okay, all right.
69
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,515
August, would you like
To go to the dance with me?
70
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:13,819
That depends.
Are you just asking me
'cause I'm mad at you?
71
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:16,355
- yes.
- don't bother.
72
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:22,293
So, tommy, don't have
A date for the dance?
73
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:25,096
Well, I-- I'm not sure.
74
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,000
Well, if you don't...
75
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,969
- I hope it's not
Too forward if I ask.
- no.
76
00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:35,340
- could you go with
My friend, beth?
- doh!
77
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,049
A proper tourniquet
Should minimize
The blood flow
78
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,384
To the affected extremity.
79
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,024
This dance thing is nuts.
It's like the nfl draft.
80
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,961
August took her offer
Off the table, so now
I'm a free agent.
81
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,596
If I can't convince her
To sign me back,
82
00:04:57,598 --> 00:05:00,832
I'm gonna get drafted
By the rutherford uglies.
83
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:05,102
I can't believe
The arbitrary way
84
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:09,273
That humans decide
Which animals to revere
And which to eat.
85
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:13,478
It's nothing more
Than a barbaric
Popularity contest.
86
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,348
Take the koala bear:
Cute and cuddly.
87
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,184
Have you ever heard
Of a koala burger?
A koala dog?
88
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,786
Koala falafel?
No!
89
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,290
The noble cow,
90
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:29,560
Whose only sins
Are her pendulous tits
And redundant stomachs,
91
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:34,099
Is doomed to be sawed
Into freezer-friendly chunks
92
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:37,302
And sold by the pound
To the bloodthirsty masses.
93
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:40,004
All right, everybody out,
I've got some killing to do.
94
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,606
What's going on?
95
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,141
We got ants, soldiers.
96
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,943
- dick: ants, we have ants?
- yeah, not for long.
97
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,344
You're not killing anything!
98
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,313
Dick, they are
Disease-ridden vermines,
They must be ex--
99
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:52,216
Lieutenant!
Lieutenant!
100
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:55,486
You are forbidden
To harm one single ant.
Now, that's a direct order.
101
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:59,323
I'm sorry, was I asleep
When you turned into
A big wussie?
102
00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:04,396
No, this has nothing to do
With me being a wussie.
103
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:08,300
Chippy has opened my eyes.
104
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:11,669
As of today, this apartment
Is a cruelty-free zone.
105
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:13,705
Lieutenant, I order you
To rid this house
106
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,674
Of any items made
At the expense of our
Four-legged brethren.
107
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:20,278
And we shall have
No animal products,
No animal by-products
108
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:25,083
And you shall not buy
Any animal by-product,
Or products.
109
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,686
- have I made myself clear?
- uh-huh.
110
00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:31,789
Come on, men,
There's work to be done.
111
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,937
Hello, rutherford
Animal clinic?
112
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,839
Yes, this is chippy's daddy.
113
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:51,076
Are there-- are there
Any signs of improvement?
114
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,276
Oh, I see...
115
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,446
Well, did he get the basket
Of acorns I sent over?
116
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:59,517
Okay, well, I'll check back
In an hour.
117
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:03,754
- oh, mary, I think
You'd better sit down.
- what is it?
118
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,157
Chippy made it
Through the night,
119
00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,192
But the doctors say
When he comes out of
The coma,
120
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:11,129
He may only have
20 to 30% of his
Tree-climbing ability.
121
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:16,201
You know, it would help
If you stop thinking
About it.
122
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:19,604
- and stop talking about it.
- but it's my fault.
123
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:23,975
What-- come on,
Dick, this has been
Going on forever.
124
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:28,546
First, man invented
The wheel and then
He invented road kill.
125
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,849
You did all you could.
126
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,519
I mean, most people
Wouldn't have even
Slowed down,
127
00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:37,388
Much less stop
To perform mouth to mouth.
128
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,592
Dick, there's some
Frat guys out in the quad
Harassing a bison.
129
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,426
Oh, my god, a bison!
130
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,228
- those savages!
- dick!
131
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,197
Why'd you do that?
132
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:49,901
Because it's just so easy.
133
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:53,604
Nina, I need a woman's
Point of view for something.
134
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,307
Um, my girlfriend's
Not speaking to me
135
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,709
Because I didn't
Ask her to a dance.
136
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,678
Mmm, send her flowers.
137
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:04,382
She once told me
That flowers reminded her
Of the morbid stench of death.
138
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:05,984
Okay...
139
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,852
Well, how about a gift?
Maybe a nice makeup kit.
140
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:11,289
Uh, she sees makeup as a way
For the arrogant misogynists
141
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,858
To decorate the women they own
And turn them into...
142
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,594
You know, like
Vacuous playthings.
143
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,865
Oh, I bet you two
Have a lot of fun.
144
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,600
Wait, that's all you've got?
145
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,535
What do I look like,
"Dear sandy"?
146
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:27,272
- who's "Dear sandy"?
- the advice lady
From the paper.
147
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,740
You know, like,
"Dear sandy,
148
00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:32,410
I'm a whiny
Little teenager
With girlfriend problems
149
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,078
And the only person
I can bug about it
150
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,448
Is my dad's
Stunning nubian secretary.
151
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,350
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Could you write that down
For me?
152
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,285
Sure, you mean
The stunning nubian part?
153
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,964
Hey, what you doing?
154
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:56,067
Just following orders,
Getting rid of all
The meat products.
155
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,969
Oh, I can't watch.
156
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,904
Wait, just a second.
What're you wearing?
157
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,340
- mmm, binoculars.
- no, the coat.
158
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:06,311
- my coat?
- yeah, it's fur, animal fur.
Give me the coat.
159
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:11,149
( crying )
No, no animals were harmed
In the making of this coat.
160
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,718
Oh yeah, I'm sure
Some llama just unzipped
His fur and said,
161
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,254
"Thank, god, harry solomon
Won't be cold this winter."
162
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:18,589
That's plausible.
163
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,792
Whoa!
164
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:24,996
- an order's an order.
- ( loud crying )
165
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,298
- shut up.
- okay.
166
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:37,242
Excuse me, it's after 6:00,
You can give my chipmunk
The pain shot now.
167
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,310
Dr. Solomon, I was going to.
168
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,946
- oh, good, go ahead.
- just a few minutes.
169
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:44,149
Well, please,
It's after 6:00.
It's after 6:00.
170
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,217
I don't see why
He should have this pain.
171
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,486
Sir, I will get to it
In a minute.
172
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:52,657
It's time for his shot,
You understand?
Do something!
173
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:55,260
He only had to hold out
Until 6:00, and it's past 6:00.
174
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,162
He's in pain.
My chipmunk is in pain.
175
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:01,665
- give him the shot,
You understand me?
- you're gonna have to behave.
176
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:05,569
Give my chipmunk the shot!
177
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:09,407
- all right, I'll get it.
- okay.
178
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,544
The rabbit comes
Out of the hole...
179
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:16,314
Runs around the tree,
180
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,216
Winks at the sailor...
181
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,619
Finds god
182
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,656
And voilà!
183
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,657
A perfect straight knot.
184
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:29,960
Harry, I need your opinion.
Read my "Dear sandy" letter.
185
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,830
I changed some
Of the specifics
So nobody knows it's me.
186
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:36,368
"I have a problem,
My girlfriend, I'll
Call her betty,
187
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,570
Wants me to ask her
To the dance,
188
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:42,206
I, being a wealthy,
Korean businessman..."
189
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,878
This is crap!
190
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,846
Pardon my korean.
191
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,919
- what's that?
- sandwich.
192
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:57,254
- what's in it?
- lettuce.
193
00:10:57,256 --> 00:11:00,458
I'm gonna have to search
That sandwich.
194
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:03,161
Lettuce, bread, what's this?
195
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:11,269
- mayonnaise?
- so?
196
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,370
- mayonnaise has eggs in it.
- eggs are not meat.
197
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:16,674
Well, they would be
If you didn't kill them
For mayonnaise.
198
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,878
- I'm gonna have to destroy
This contraband.
- whoa--
199
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,381
Ahh, what's that
On your shoe?
200
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:28,586
- mayonnaise.
- no... No, no, it's leather.
201
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:31,189
Your shoes are made
Of leather
202
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,992
And leather shoes
Come from leather cows.
203
00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:37,929
Okay, listen,
Easy there, hot rod.
204
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,564
Let's not get crazy
About this. Maybe I got
A little carried away.
205
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:43,434
Here, harry,
Have your sandwich back.
206
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:48,339
I think dick might like
To have a little look
In your closet.
207
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,408
( screaming )
No-oo!
208
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,377
( cow moos )
209
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:57,649
Oh, the salad bar
Is fantastic, mary.
210
00:11:57,651 --> 00:12:00,651
You know, I don't think
We'll ever get tired
Of eating this way.
211
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:04,089
Beets, cauliflower,
Seasoned croutons,
212
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,956
Plain croutons--
Did I mention beets?
213
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:09,660
- yeah.
- yeah, and the beets,
They are so nice.
214
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:10,995
- oh, no!
- what?
215
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,997
You ordered surf and turf
216
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,099
And they brought you
Steak and lobster.
Eh, waiter!
217
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,469
Dick, that's
What surf and turf is.
218
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,605
I thought it was
Water and grass.
219
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,178
Mary, how could you?
220
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,647
How could you do this
To chippy?
221
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,482
I'm not eating chippy.
222
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:34,919
Oh, not now, but where
Will this carnage end?
223
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:38,323
Dick, sit down
And eat your beets.
224
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,458
All right.
225
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,860
Look, I think it's great
226
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:46,397
That you have made this
Wonderful life-changing
Decision...
227
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:50,101
- ( shell cracks )
- but I will not
Sit here
228
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,737
And let you berate me
For living my life my way.
229
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,672
( cracking continues )
230
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,675
Okay?
231
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,112
Okay.
232
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:05,817
No, I can't
Take it anymore!
233
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:09,820
I'm hereby liberating
These lobsters.
234
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:13,157
Run! Please,
Run for the river!
235
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,026
They can take your legs,
236
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:18,129
But they'll never take
Your freedom!
237
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,733
Come on!
Come on, run!
238
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:27,305
Well, you're gonna have
To run faster than that.
239
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,940
( grunting )
Here, I'll help you.
240
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:32,643
Here-- oh, oh, ow!
241
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,716
Goodbye, old friends.
242
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,552
We've had some great times
Together, huh?
243
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:48,092
I never thought I'd wear you,
But you went with everything.
244
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:54,199
And you, you were 50% off
When we met, remember that?
245
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,968
I do.
246
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,270
Oh! And you...
247
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,740
You silly, fun,
Open-toed things.
248
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:06,477
You gave me bunions,
But damn, you made my gams
Look great.
249
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,714
I think I'll miss you
Most of all.
250
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:13,451
"Dear sandy"
Is ignoring me, harry.
Listen to this.
251
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,419
"Angry in akron," response,
252
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,788
"Conflicted in cleveland,"
Response.
253
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:20,825
She even responds
To "Yeast infection
In youngstown."
254
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:27,031
Oh, what kind
Of parent names their kid
"Yeast infection"?
255
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,035
Look at me.
256
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,406
I am 100% animal-free.
257
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,742
Nothing was killed
In the making of these
Garments.
258
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:40,711
Sir, following your
Pointless and stupid orders,
259
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,647
I have rid this house
Of every animal product.
260
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:47,518
- ( sniffles ) my shoes.
- good work, lieutenant.
261
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,522
Sally, are those...
all your shoes?
262
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,057
- yeah.
- uh-huh...
263
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,825
- and you're
Quite sure of that?
- yes.
264
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:58,362
- every shoe you own.
- yes, yes, yes!
265
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,999
Oh, really?
266
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:03,935
- then how do you
Explain these?
- ( sally gasps )
267
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,638
While completing my merit
Badge in water conservation,
268
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,908
I found these taped
269
00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,376
To the inside
Of the toilet tank?!
270
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,913
I've never seen those
Before in my life.
271
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,150
- give 'em back to me!
- lieutenant!
272
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,952
- you won't be needing
Those anymore.
- ( yelps )
273
00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:25,856
As of today, I am issuing
Animal-friendly foot gear.
274
00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:29,059
- flip-flops?
- mm-hmm, they are
Very stylish
275
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:31,729
And they make the most
Delightful slapping sounds.
276
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,801
You like slapping sounds?
I'll show you slapping sounds.
277
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,369
Put them on, lieutenant.
278
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:41,071
Now, if you'll excuse me.
279
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:44,275
I'm taking these shoes
To a cow pasture to give
Them a proper burial.
280
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:58,556
I'd like to thank you all
For being gracious enough
281
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,558
To come witness
This magical moment.
282
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,793
( sobs )
This is so beautiful, it's--
283
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,496
Just let the rat go,
It's cold out here.
284
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,767
It's a chipmunk.
Call it what it is,
Damn it.
285
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:15,205
Three days ago,
At exactly 6:38 p.M.,
286
00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,708
Two lives
Were forever changed.
287
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:23,314
But in the aftermath
Of that violent collision,
288
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,749
A flower of hope blossomed
289
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:29,420
And that hope ignited
A flame of inspiration
290
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,189
Which fueled a desire
That inspired a dream--
291
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,158
- tommy: okay, we get it.
- mary: oh, for god's sakes!
292
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:39,429
Chippy, your sacrifice
Was truly a gift.
293
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:42,133
You opened my eyes
To a whole new way
Of life.
294
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:46,737
And now I give
The gift of life
Back to you.
295
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,275
- good bye, my friend.
- ( chippy squeals )
296
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:55,279
Suddenly this planet
Doesn't seem quite so cruel,
After all.
297
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:58,015
- ( bird squawking )
- oh, look!
298
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,252
Look at that beautiful
Majestic bird--
299
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,187
- ( wings flapping )
- hey! Hey!
300
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,055
You leave him alone--
Hey, run!
301
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:08,525
Chippy, run! You--
Get away from him,
You winged beast!
302
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,427
- ( rock thumps )
- ( bird squawks )
303
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:12,430
Oh, nice arm, dick.
304
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,097
Oh, my god,
What have I done?
305
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,300
I think you just killed
That...
306
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:20,705
- "Endangered peregrine falcon."
- oh!
307
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,544
I'm a menace
To my fellow creatures.
308
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,546
Well, you can't save
Every living creature.
309
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,517
Some live, some die,
That's just life happening.
310
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,485
That's just animals.
What about us?
311
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,120
We are animals.
312
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:39,490
We eat like animals,
Sleep like animals,
Have sex like animals.
313
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:43,960
- oh yeah, especially
After a bottle of tequila.
- oh, yeah.
314
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:47,398
Just be grateful you're
At the top of the food chain
And nothing eats you.
315
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:52,102
Oh, yeah? What about
That shark in "Jaws"?
He's so scary.
316
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:53,738
Fine, have it your way.
317
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:58,009
The whole world
Is just one giant
Savage smorgasbord.
318
00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:01,212
And if you don't like it,
I'm afraid you're just gonna
Have to build a rocket
319
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,514
And jet off to some kinder,
Gentler planet.
320
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,882
Oh, yeah, no,
That would be
The easy way out.
321
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:08,119
No, I have to face it.
322
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,754
I'm nothing more
Than a death machine.
323
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:13,324
Well, you're also
A life machine.
324
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,826
You created a life... Tommy.
325
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,495
Oh, I had nothing to do
With that.
326
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:21,665
Come on, you had a little
Something to do with it.
327
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,335
If it weren't for you,
He wouldn't be here.
328
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,870
Well, that's true,
I did bring him.
329
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,473
Uh-- into this world,
I mean.
330
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:32,176
See, life has a way
Of balancing things out.
331
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:35,812
You're right, mary.
332
00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:38,382
We're part of a great cycle.
333
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:40,016
( sighs )
334
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,386
"There's a time
To live, a time to die,
335
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:45,256
A time to sow,
A time to reap..."
336
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,491
A time to reupholster
337
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,660
And a time to keep
The furnishings you have
338
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,429
And just brighten them up
With a few throw pillows.
339
00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:55,866
Something like that.
340
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,335
You know, I'm suddenly
Feeling very creative.
341
00:18:58,337 --> 00:18:59,803
- really?
- mm-hmm.
342
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:09,313
Did you kiss
That dead chipmunk?
343
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,217
- not on the lips.
- ( groans )
344
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:21,925
What you making?
345
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,862
- a spear.
- oh.
346
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,198
I'm making
A sharpened stick.
347
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,967
Oh, man!
348
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,870
I must have three cows
Worth of shoes in here.
349
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:37,374
Dick, I cannot wait for you
To go on your next insane kick,
So I can get all new pants.
350
00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,944
( grunts ) oy!
Did you get me a new coat?
351
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,446
No, we just
Dug your old one
Out of the trash.
352
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:45,483
Oh... Pasta!
353
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,820
August, what are you
Doing here?
354
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,090
"Dear sandy,
355
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,660
I didn't ask my girlfriend
To the dance and now
She's mad at me.
356
00:19:56,662 --> 00:20:01,365
It was a mistake and I'd do
Anything in this world
To make her happy."
357
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:05,602
Signed, "Regretful
In rutherford."
358
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:08,806
It was like the pen
Was connected straight
To my heart.
359
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,512
- see you at the dance.
- see you!
360
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:19,183
Oh... Nice letter, tommy.
361
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:23,220
- I didn't write it.
- wh-- well, then who did?
362
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,823
A scout never expects
Praise for a good deed.
363
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:30,294
- gosh, it's exactly
Your story, it's uncanny.
- I know.
364
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:33,430
A good deed
Is its own reward.
365
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,098
Come on, boys,
Who wants meat?
366
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:37,534
- I do, I do!
- I do, I do!
367
00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:39,336
Hey...
368
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,405
Good scout here,
369
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:44,241
Mean that I wrote
The letter.
370
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,110
It was me!
It was me!
371
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,113
- mmm, meat!
- yep!
372
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:52,583
It's red, dead and corn-fed.
373
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,919
( hissing )
374
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,721
- what's that, lieutenant?
- an ant bomb.
375
00:20:57,723 --> 00:21:01,225
- you think that's
Gonna kill the ants?
- it's not working so far.
376
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:03,694
Uh, could you pass
The bacon?
377
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,363
Oh, yeah.
378
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,435
Here.
379
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,370
Okay.
380
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:25,149
- dick: come on, come on, yes.
- ( paws clacking )
381
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:28,586
- you'll be safe in here
With me all day.
- ( gasps )
382
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:30,588
Dick, where did you
Get that dog?
383
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:33,690
Some old guy with dark glasses
Was pushing her down
The sidewalk.
384
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:44,434
Okay, that's it, you are
Officially out of control.
385
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:47,271
- ( car horn honking )
- ( brakes screeching )
386
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:50,574
( loud crashing )
32386
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