All language subtitles for 3rd Rock from the Sun - S02E13 - Proud Dick (1080p x265 EDGE2020)_track3_[eng]

Hmm. I made the front page
Of the daily badgerian again.

What's it say?

“physics professor
Calls einstein 'idiot...'

Proclaims self
Much smarter.”

- something smells divine.
- it's me.

I just know
It's me.

( thunder rumbling )

- ooh, look at those clouds.
- that one looks like me.

So does that one.

That one makes me
Look fat.

That one looks
Like a poodle--

A dark,
Menacing poodle.

Yeah, it's wheezing
Lightning.

- I think we should go in.
- yeah.

Harry?
You coming?

- yeah, just a sec.
- don't be long.

Hey! That cloud looks
Like a giant funnel

With mobile homes
Stuck in it.

Oh, look!
A flying cow!

Whoa!

Dick!

Where am I?

who am I?

( '50s rock music playing )

Mary! You're here.
I didn't see your car.

- I have a new parking space.
- really? Where?

- there.
- where?

- there.
- whoo!

- what's the matter?
- it's right there.

In front of the building.
I can almost smell your
Little pine tree.

- yeah, it's a great
Space, isn't it?
- I don't understand.

The university should
Have offered it
To me first.

I'm the star
Of the faculty.

I'm the one whose brain
Everyone wants to
Dissect for science.

Right,
For science.

- I deserve it!
- I have tenure!

Oh, tenure!

I suppose if someone
Sticks around a third-rate
University long enough,

They'd have to recognize
Her lack of drive somehow.

- dick, you're overreacting.
- I'm not overreacting.

Overreacting would be going
Straight to the president
Of the university

And telling him
Exactly how I feel.

- where are you going?
- straight to the president
Of the university

- and telling him
Exactly how I feel!
- dick, it's a parking space!

- you're acting like a child.
- nuh-uh!

- yeah-huh!
- ( blows raspberry )

Sit down.
Tell me what's
On your mind.

President dewey,
A great injustice
Has been committed.

Oh? Have I been
Indicted?

Worse. I don't like
My parking space.

- yes, that is troublesome.
- I was thinking of something

Along the lines
Of g-34.

Now, that's a good spot.
I like that spot.

And you're a good man.
I like you.

- what's on your mind?
- well--

- the space.
- oh, sorry.

That's for tenured
Personnel only.

Then I order you to give me
An even closer spot.

- dick, I'm gonna
Do you a favor.
- you're giving me the space?

- no, I'm gonna
Tell you a story.
- can't you see I'm upset?

You're right, I'm going
To let you do whatever
You think is right.

Well, then, I--
I'm going to
Take the space.

Sorry, no can do.
Cigar?

I'm warning you,
Either you give me
That space or I quit!

Ah, I understand.

- what space are you in now?
- x-17. Why?

'cause I'm giving that
To my secretary.
Bye, dick.

All right, for starters,
Looks like the storm
Knocked off some shingles.

- you lose anything else?
- I don't know. Like what?

- did you have
Any gutters?
- no.

- screens?
- no.

- antennas?
- no.

Direct satellite tv?

Yes.

Um, excuse me.

Um, is this
417 pensdale road?

- yeah.
- are you my wife?

- no.
- ah. Good.

Harry, you're back!

Oh, we were so
Worried about you!

Whoa!
Are you my wife?

Yeah, right.

Harry, we have been
Looking all over
For you.

- geez, harry, you're a mess.
- where have you been?

Well, I'm not sure.

My mind's
A complete blank.

- so then you're fine.
- yeah.

That's a relief, honey.
You go watch your stories.

I'll make you
Some toast.

No sofa?
That's weird.

Mmm. High commander's
Log book.

Well, this sounds
Interesting.

January 9th.

We have successfully
Assumed human form

And have tricked
The earthlings
Into thinking

That we are
Of their species.

Oh, my god!

They're aliens!

♪ la, la, la. ♪

- you've got to be kidding.
- nope. I did it--

Walked off the job,
Stuck it to the man,

Told him to kiss
My hairy polenta.

- bye now!
- you can't be serious.

I couldn't be more serious.
Please, pass me mr. Potato man.

- why are you doing this?
- because it's not fair.

- well, life isn't fair.
- you could remedy that, mary,
By giving me the space.

- that wouldn't be fair to me.
- well, life isn't fair.
You said so yourself.

- let it go, dick.
- fine!

Uh, that's
University property.

Well, they should have
Thought of that before
Giving away my parking space.

- well, what are you
Gonna do now?
- oh, don't worry about me.

I give dewey about 10 minutes
Before he comes crawling
Back to me.

Uh--

Nina, can you help me
With the water cooler?

Sally:
dick. Dick!

You have been
Sitting there
For 10 days.

For the last time,
The university's
Not gonna call.

Oh, they'll call.

They'll call.
And when they do,

This phone is gonna
Really, really ring.

I just wonder whether it's
Worth getting all meshuga
Over a parking space.

Dick, I hate to interrupt
The creep-fest,

But would you stop thinking
Of yourself for a minute
And think of the mission?

Oh, my god,
They're on a mission.

I am the mission!

We came to this pitiful
Planet to experience
The human condition,

And from all
That I can ascertain,
The human condition requires

Nothing more than complete
And utter solipsistic
Self-absorption!

And you can include that
In your next transmission
To the you-know-who.

Uh, who?

The big, giant head!
Haven't you been
Listening?

Oh, the big,
Giant, head...

Thank you for
Seeing me, father.

I... Didn't know
Where else to turn.

Well, that's...

Why they pay me
The big bucks, you know?

Father, if someone--

Say, a family member--
Had helped you,

Cared for you,
Given you shelter,

And you knew something
Terrible about them,

It'd be okay to turn them
Over to the authorities

For dissection,
Wouldn't it?

- are they dangerous?
- I don't know!

I'm so alone
And confused!

You are not alone.

There's someone up there
Who's watching over
Everything you do...

at all times.

- there is?
- mm-hmm.

Is this person called
“the big, giant head”?

- he goes by many names.
- and you know him?

Know him?
I work for him.
( chuckling )

I see.

- well, thank you
For your time.
- it's funny--

Oh, my god!

They're everywhere!

We're out of cereal.

We're out of milk.

We're out of money.

No milk?
What am I gonna
Use in my coffee?

No problem.
We're out of coffee too.

Harry keeps drinking it.
It's like he's afraid
To go to sleep.

Harry?
Harry, come in here.

- are you feeling all right?
- fine. I'm fine.

When I'm fine, I'm fine.
How are you?
'cause I'm fine.

Tommy, go tuck harry in bed.
See that he gets some sleep.

No! No, no.

No, I'm fine.

Well, I guess this
Has been kind of tough
On all of us.

Dick, why don't you
Just apologize
And get your job back?

Apologize?
Should the venus de milo

Apologize to the thug
Who broke its arms off?
No!

Should the sphinx apologize
To the desert winds

For eroding its nose?
No!

Should jim carrey
Apologize to america

For the cable guy?

Perhaps.

No, I'm not gonna
Apologize. I can play
Their waiting game.

Yeah, well, if you want
To play the eating game,
You've got to do something.

Oh, I plan to.
I'm gonna get myself
A new job,

A job worthy of me!

Oh, really?
And where would that be?

In america,
Land of opportunity!

Welcome to rusty's.
How may I serve you?

- how do you make
Your burgers?
- excellent question.

First a clamp comes down
Onto the cow's head,

Forcing it onto
A conveyor belt,

Where a prod is inserted
Into the cow's rectum,

Electrocuting it.

- give me two.
- thank you.

And remember,
At rusty's,

E. Coli is not
On the menu.

Stop saying that!

- welcome to rusty's.
- rusty burger
And a monster fries.

- very well.
- solomon,

You're supposed to ask him
If he wants a fried
Apple pie with that.

But dougy, I can't.
I mean, just look at him.

The rusty burger alone
Is enough to give him
A coronary.

The fried pie will be
The death blow!

Look, I didn't go
To hamburger college
To take crap from you.

Hamburger college.

They're not by chance
Looking for a physics
Professor, are they?

It's a hamburger school!

Once again, I find
Myself at the mercy

Of someone I wouldn't
Let pick my nose.

I'm the most qualified.
I'm the smartest.
I should be running rusty's!

That's it.
You're off register.

Report immediately
To the drive-thru window.

Demoted?
Dougy, no!

Well, I don't know
If I could come back
To the university.

No.
Well, I am deeply hurt.

I don't care
How much you beg.
I am not coming back.

No. No.

Well, to be honest,
I'm entertaining

Some very interesting offers
Even as we speak.

Well, you'd better get going,
Dick. You know how dougy
Hates it when you're late.

I'll go, as soon
As I find my hat.

Uh, you're wearing
Your hat.

Don't... Be
Ridiculous.

Don't you think I'd know
If I were wearing
My own hat?

Ah!
There it is.

Yes, operator,

You have to listen
Very carefully.

I'm at 417 pensdale road,

And I'm surrounded
By aliens.

I need to talk
To the president
Of the united states.

Yeah, I know I need help.
That's why I'm calling.

Hello.

- hello?
- ( dial tone )

Hello?

They've gotten to
The phone company too.

Thank you for
Making rusty's
A part of your day.

Hello, bug, pitman.

Welcome to rusty's.
How may I serve you?

We just wanted to come in
And see if you were really

Flippin' patties
In the hamburger
Freak-out ward.

You insolent
Little twerps!
I should--

Well, what do we have here?
A customer satisfaction card.

Mmm!

“rate the performance
Of your server.”

Both: “f.”

Thank you for
Making rusty's
A part of your day.

So this is where the great minds
Of rutherford go when they're
Feeling underappreciated?

- hello, mary.
- hello, dick.

I see they've got you back
Behind the register.

No, I'm just covering for
Maurice-- he's out back
Having a smoke.

A man of your brilliance
Quitting his job

Over a stupid
Parking space!

- if it's so stupid,
Why don't you give it to me?
- never.

- ah-ha! So you admit
It's important.
- I admit nothing.

Give me a rusty dog,
No onions.

( clears throat )

Would you like
A fried pie with that?

- yes.
- no, mary, don't do it!

- give me the pie.
- mary, you have your whole
Life ahead of you!

Oh, dick, why are you
Doing this to yourself?
Can't you just come back?

No, mary.
I have my pride!

So you're working
At rusty's.

Yes, they have some
Wonderful opportunities
For advancement here.

Did you know that the fry man
Who used to work here
Is now a multimillionaire?

- what happened?
- he lost his arm in the patty
Press and got a great lawyer.

All right, gentlemen,
Prepare yourself
For a fancy feast.

- fancy feast?
Can we afford that?
- yes, we can.

Because while I was
Shopping today, I found
This aisle in the back

That had these
Unbelievable savings--

Tuna, liver,
And new seafood blend
For you finicky types.

Wait a minute.
You're feeding us cat?

It's not cat, tommy,
It's salmon.

There's just a picture
Of a cat on the label.

The best part is,
Next to the food they had
These adorable little gifts.

- look.
- oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I've never been happier
In my life!

I was playing with it today,
And it got stuck behind
The refrigerator,

And I went nuts
Trying to get it!

Hello? Hello--
( screams )

I've been awake
For 16 days.

That must be
A record.

So, I've got to know,

Are you one of them?

I'm just going to step
Out of this closet now.

( screams )

If you are who
You say you are,

Then who won
The world series
In 1956?

Huh? Huh?
Who? Who?
Huh? Huh?

- I don't know!
- I don't know either!

Ha!

Oh, I see what it's come to.
You're too good
For a rusty's man.

No--

Dick, it's not what
You think it is.

I'm not sure
What it was.

I only came by
To tell you that I spoke
With president dewey,

- and he's willing
To meet with you.
- never! I have my pride.

All right.
All right, keep your pride.

Suffer all you want.
But what about your family?

- there's nothing wrong
With my family.
- your son is eating cat food!

Both:
Cat food?

( all gagging )

Maybe you're right.

I'm beginning to wonder
If I was rash,

Quitting my job
Over a parking space.

Stop wondering.

I can't help thinking
That it was my pride

That clouded
My judgment.

Stop thinking.
It did.

Was it folly
Or sheer idiocy
That led to my downfall?

- folly.
- idiocy.

No, I change my vote
To “idiocy.”

( cat meows )

- hello, president dewey.
- hello, mary.

Dr. Solomon and I--
Dick!

Hello, president dewey.

And thank you,
Dr. Albright,
For announcing me.

I believe you have
Something to say
To president dewey.

I would like to discuss
The terms under which
I will return to pendleton.

- he wants to drop
The parking thing.
- that's good to hear.

And in return,
You will admit
That you were wrong

And that this university
Was falling apart
Without me.

- or not.
- we're getting along
Very well without you.

- thank you and good-bye.
- oh, no.

President dewey, dr. Solomon
Is aware of how pathetic
He's been over the past--

Mary--
Mary, mary, mary, mary.
This is beneath you.

Why don't you wait outside,

And I'll settle this
On my own terms, all right?

Please!

Please take me back!

- sorry, can't do it.
- please! Please!

I'll do anything!
Just name it!

- you can apologize.
- you want me to apologize?

- yes.
- I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Fine, you can
Begin tomorrow.

In my new
Parking spot?

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

( sobbing )

( kissing )

So, dick, any problems
Getting your job back?

Are you kidding?
He begged me.

Well, he didn't
“beg,” beg,

But it was
Clear enough.

I take it
You didn't get
The space either.

Not the “space”"
Space.

- but you know, I learned
Something very important.
- what?

That even if you're
The high commander
And brilliant,

There's still time
For a little humility.

- thankfully, that time
Is now over.
- ( bell dings )

Ah, dinner!

Let's eat, harry.

Did you just say,
“let's eat harry”?

Yeah, we're hungry,
So it's time to eat, harry.

“eat harry.”

I see.

Could I just have
A moment, please?

Whatever.

Would you hurry it up?
I'm starving.

- ( guttural gasp )
- ( thunder crashing )

Whoa.

That was a close one.

( electricity crackling )

Mmm, my favorite!

Meat loaf deluxe-o.

Well, harry,
We haven't had that

Since dick quit his job
Three weeks ago.

Dick quit his job?

Yeah, why do you think
He was working at rusty's?

Dick was working
At rusty's?

Geez, harry,
Don't you know
Anything?

No.
All I know is,

I got a transmitter
In my head

And charlie's angels
Is on weeknights at 7:00.

Oh, my god!
It's 7:00 now!

( all exclaiming )

( charlie's angels
theme playing )

Mmm, thanks for
The ride this morning.

Oh, I couldn't
Let you walk.
It's pouring.

- how's your new parking spot?
- awful!

My house is closer.
Dewey is gonna hear
About this.

And after that,
For lunch, I'll have

A rusty burger
With fries.

Actually, it's not
So bad.