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1
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:08,807
So I said to her,
“hey, mom, your birthday
2
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,943
Was last month.
Hoist it up yourself.”
3
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:14,580
- ( audience laughing )
- I don't get it.
What are they laughing at?
4
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:17,215
Anyway, I'm not saying
My mom is overweight,
5
00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,250
But she's got that
Flabby skin under her arm.
6
00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:21,820
You know what I'm talking about.
Well, the other day
This wind picks up,
7
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,822
This stuff starts jigglin'--
8
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:26,725
Out dropped a tricycle
I lost when I was seven.
9
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,162
Excuse me.
10
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,431
Perhaps you can help me out.
Those things you said
About your mother,
11
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,701
I don't understand
Why they're considered funny.
12
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,770
- well, um--
- is it because
13
00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:40,672
The toned arms that once
Cradled you securely
14
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:44,209
Now have large deposits
Of cellulite hanging from them?
15
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,945
- is aging funny?
- if you think about it--
16
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:49,881
And you!
Is it all the alcohol
You're consuming
17
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,985
That makes it okay
To laugh at the expense
Of your loved ones?
18
00:00:52,987 --> 00:00:57,322
He's right!
I love my fat mama!
19
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,390
And you're
A bad man!
20
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,664
Dr. Albright,
21
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,967
Have you ever lost
A tricycle in your mother?
22
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:13,138
Please, dick,
I am in a cruddy mood.
23
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:15,707
This fundraiser is turning out
To be a nightmare.
24
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:18,843
( chuckling softly )
25
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:28,453
Well, why are you laughing?
You just said you were
In a cruddy mood.
26
00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:32,524
Oh, it's these jokes
Ben littmeyer gave me at lunch.
27
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,993
Ben littmeyer,
From the sociology department?
28
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:38,096
Yes. Oh, he has
The best sense of humor.
29
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,566
I finally convinced him
To host the fundraiser.
30
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,568
Well, why didn't you
Ask me to do it?
31
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,970
I have a wonderful
Sense of humor.
32
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,139
Nina, come in here.
33
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,574
I have a wonderful
Sense of humor, don't I?
34
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,611
Oh!
35
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,949
- see?
- oh!
36
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,585
This is an important
Fundraiser for pendleton,
37
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,788
And ben can get
Those fat cats to
Cough up some cash.
38
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:07,259
Well, I can make
A fat cat cough.
39
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,561
I can even
Make him vomit.
40
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:12,564
Thanks, dick, but ben
Already said yes.
41
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,600
- you don't think I'm funny?
- oh, dick,
42
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:19,638
You're loving
And intelligent
And sexy--
43
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,841
- and funny?
- oh! I have a class!
44
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,911
I am funny!
I am funny!
45
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,913
I am!
46
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,848
( '50s rock music playing )
47
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,918
What happened
To your coat?
48
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,586
I don't know
What happened to it,
49
00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:11,689
So ms. Dubcek let me
Borrow this one.
50
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,826
Sweet woman.
51
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,029
So you lost your coat?
Oh, tough break.
52
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:21,033
I lost more
Than a coat, tommy!
53
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,503
I lost a friend,
54
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,505
A buddy,
55
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:29,607
A companion who kept me
Warm when it was cold
56
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:31,976
And warmer
When it was really
57
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:35,113
Sort of too hot
To be wearing a coat.
58
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,984
Tommy,
59
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:42,087
Look, you're
The information officer.
60
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,890
What do you know
About this thing they call
A sense of humor?
61
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,091
All I know is,
That's not it.
62
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,862
Lieutenant,
I need your help.
63
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,864
I need you to find out
What's funny.
64
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,133
Oh, I can't.
I've got to build this--
65
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,369
I ran out of room
For my shoes.
66
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,804
Well, this is
More important.
It's about me!
67
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,641
Well, how am I
Supposed to know
What's funny?
68
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,377
What's so important
About a sense
Of humor anyway?
69
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,379
Oh, come on, tommy.
70
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,146
Having a sense of humor
Is having the power
71
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:12,083
To transform someone's mood,
72
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,086
To lift his spirit.
73
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:17,288
You give it to
Someone you love
When she really needs it.
74
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:21,226
And I just found out today
That mary's been getting it
From another man.
75
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:26,565
Dick, I think this whole
“being funny” thing
Is just innate.
76
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:30,468
- what do you think,
Lieutenant?
- what do I think?
77
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,104
- I think either
You got it or you don't.
- oh!
78
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,373
Look what you just did!
79
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,845
What's wrong
With you guys?
80
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,747
Come on!
Wake up, you two!
Come on!
81
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,020
How am I ever gonna
Find out what's funny?
82
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:55,227
No, I don't get it.
Give me an example
Of what's funny.
83
00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:58,162
I thought the movie
emma was really funny.
84
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:04,202
- what was funny about it?
- it was full of irony.
85
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,905
Okay, so irony's funny.
86
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,908
Sure, because someone
Says something, and the
Opposite is actually true.
87
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,344
Oh, okay, like when
You told me emma
Was gonna be
88
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,846
A really great movie,
When actually it
Sucked out loud?
89
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,885
Well, apparently,
Irony is a little too
Sophisticated for you.
90
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,288
Either that or you don't know
What's funny either.
91
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,890
I... Don't know
What's funny?
92
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,959
I'll have you know,
At camp,
93
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,295
I was voted
“miss whimsy.”
94
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,832
Why? Was miss irony killed
In a canoe accident?
95
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,242
- hi, dick.
- oh, uh, mary.
96
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:46,244
Just doing some reading--
97
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,346
Some physics reading,
You know.
98
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,281
Oh, that's nice.
99
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,617
Say, uh,
100
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:55,287
An amusing joke
Just came to me--
101
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:58,156
You know,
Out of the blue.
102
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,091
Knock, knock.
103
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,029
Okay.
Who's there?
104
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,733
Uh--
105
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:11,903
Uh, uh,
“who's there,” you say?
106
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:14,439
Uh--
107
00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:17,743
Oh, uh, uh, nina.
108
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,745
- “nina” who?
- our nina.
109
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:24,082
She's right here!
( forced laughter )
110
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,219
Please let me host
That fundraiser!
111
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,221
- no!
- oh!
112
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,759
Ben littmeyer just called.
He's gonna be a few minutes
Late for lunch.
113
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,761
Oh, another lunch
With ben.
114
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,763
I see.
115
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:40,565
How funny for you.
116
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,835
Well, would you like
To join us? We could
Make it a threesome.
117
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,004
I don't go that way, mary.
118
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,479
Fine!
119
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:58,182
And last but not least,
Garlic gum.
120
00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:00,952
Oh, uh, harry,
How would you
Like a nice piece
121
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,688
- of perfectly
Ordinary gum?
- okay.
122
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,693
Mmm!
Garlicky.
123
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,795
Well, I had
A great day.
124
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,331
I haven't learned a thing
About comedy, and august
And I had a huge fight.
125
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,201
Oh, well, how would you
Like a nice doughnut
126
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:19,103
From this bag
Labeled “donuts”?
127
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,473
Ahh!
You touched
Doggy doody!
128
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,475
Waah!
129
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,178
Since when
Is doggy doody
Made in taiwan?
130
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:30,682
They have dogs
In taiwan-- big ones.
131
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,484
- funny, right?
- I don't know.
You know,
132
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:36,354
I don't think
I'm ever gonna see
My coat again.
133
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,790
Harry, why don't you sit down?
You'll feel a lot better.
134
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:43,361
- right here.
- ( farting noise )
135
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:46,764
- excuse me.
- damn!
136
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:53,071
You know, at least
I can take comfort
137
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,707
In knowing that
I treated my coat well.
138
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,776
Such as yesterday.
It was hot on the bus.
139
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:00,846
I took it off
And folded it neatly
140
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:04,148
And placed it
Under the shade of my seat.
141
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:08,286
- what?
- you left it on the bus.
142
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:12,490
- no-o-o!
- you know, they have
A lost and found, harry.
143
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,693
Oh, you mean, I might
See my coat again?
144
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:19,698
- oh, I am so happy.
- ( all screaming )
145
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,266
Dick, I've been thinking
About this “humor” thing.
146
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:24,402
Why don't you try
What those guys
On tv do?
147
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:27,371
- everybody says they're funny?
- oh, yeah, those guys!
148
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:29,307
You know--
149
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,149
Woo-woo-woo-woo!
150
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,323
The mclaughlin group?
No.
151
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,892
They're not funny
At all!
152
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,136
- oh, hello, dick.
- hello, ben.
153
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:01,739
- I'm waiting for mary.
- I'm sleeping with mary.
154
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:06,210
Oh. Okay.
155
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:10,115
So from what I've heard,
You're quite the
Professor funnypants.
156
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,617
- well, I--
- it's seems that
You have mary
157
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:15,887
Wrapped around
Your little funny bone.
158
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,423
But I can assure you,
I am a far tougher...
159
00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:22,160
“bone-wrapper-er.”
160
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,196
I think I'll wait
Outside.
161
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,899
Make me laugh,
Funny man.
162
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,935
Well, I'm not
A comedian.
163
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:33,204
It's just that funny things
Just seem to happen to me.
164
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:36,408
- oh, really? Like what?
- well, like, last week
I was at a bus stop,
165
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:39,310
And it suddenly
Started raining-- pouring!
166
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,579
And I look over
And I see this
167
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,748
Gorgeous grad student,
168
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,750
And she's looking at me
169
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,486
Like a kid with braces
Looking at a candy apple.
170
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,421
Mmm, no.
Not funny.
171
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,523
Well, I'm about
To say hello,
172
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:56,927
When I suddenly realize
That my hair has
Flipped forward.
173
00:09:56,929 --> 00:10:00,531
Here I am,
Standing in the rain
With my very own awning.
174
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:04,035
Well, finally
The bus arrived
175
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,037
And the door opened,
176
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,273
The compressor kicked in,
177
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,476
And this european
Weave of mine
178
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,678
Got sucked
Right into the bus!
179
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,081
Well,
There I was,
180
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,416
In front of
This beautiful girl
181
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,685
And chasing that bus
182
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,787
And chasing my hair--
183
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,023
Up and down,
Chasing!
184
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,859
And I couldn't--
I just-- oh!
185
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,994
- oh! Oh!
- ( dick laughing )
186
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:31,997
This is not good.
187
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:35,934
Yes! Yes, it is!
The bus stole your hair!
188
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:38,336
Call 911!
189
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,872
911!
190
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:45,009
- mary was so right
About you, ben!
- ( groaning )
191
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:48,780
- what's going on?
- ben's been telling me
The funniest story
192
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:52,316
- about the bus
And the girl and the--
- ( gasps )
193
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,419
- call 911!
- you've heard
This one before!
194
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:07,732
I'm telling you,
Ben's heart stopping
Temporarily
195
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,467
Was the best thing
That ever happened
To me.
196
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,436
He's getting
Some much-needed bed rest,
197
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,673
And I'm emceeing
The fundraiser tomorrow night.
198
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:18,076
- how did you manage that?
- I promised dr. Albright
I'd stick to ben's script.
199
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,612
- are you gonna?
- no.
200
00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:23,948
All right, next up
On open-mike night,
Very funny man--
201
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,150
Put your hands together
For dick solomon.
202
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,991
Thank you!
Thank you!
203
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,660
Thanks a lot!
Thank you so much!
204
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,695
Now,
205
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,264
I'm gonna
Tell you some jokes.
206
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,834
Joke one:
207
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,836
I went fishing
Last week.
208
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,371
My permit said
I could only catch five.
209
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:50,875
Oh, I caught five,
All right, as in 35.
210
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,077
( forced laughter )
211
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,216
- was that funny?
- no, no, no, no, no, no.
212
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,652
But you know--
213
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,721
Pot-stickers,
What are they all about?
214
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:07,859
Haa-haa!
215
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,827
Okay, joke number two:
216
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:13,564
Some termites--
217
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:17,602
I mean, huge termites--
Ate my house last night.
218
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:25,543
Uh, it's gone.
It's completely gone.
219
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,012
Uh, that's it.
That's the joke.
220
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,081
- really suck.
- really.
221
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,350
Dick:
where are you going? wait.
222
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,786
Wait.
Where are you going?
223
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:38,289
Hey, look!
A bald guy.
Am I right?
224
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,292
Haa-haa!
225
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:47,264
So, who do you think's
Funny in our class?
226
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:51,135
Um, alan gimball.
227
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:54,572
- alan gimball? Why?
- 'cause he's 20.
228
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,545
Oh, so-- so you think
Dumb people are funny?
229
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,915
It they're
That dumb, yeah.
230
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,950
You know who
I think is funny?
David barrett.
231
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,787
- oh, yeah, he's hysterical.
- he is so clever.
232
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,322
I meant because
He looks like a big dork.
233
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,725
What?
234
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,828
- all right,
Let's install this baby.
- sweet!
235
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,040
- did you measure
The shelves?
- yes.
236
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,042
- did you measure
The closet?
- yes.
237
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:34,445
- did you measure the door?
- damn!
238
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,047
Listen, if it's
Storage you're after,
239
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:39,684
You can put it
In the hall closet
Downstairs.
240
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,752
Let me get
The door for you.
241
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,188
All right.
Keep it sideways.
242
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,357
Here we go.
243
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,359
( phone ringing )
244
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:52,130
- uh, dubcek, hold this.
- I got it.
245
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:54,798
I got it. No problem. I got it. No problem.
246
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,800
no problem.
247
00:13:56,802 --> 00:14:00,104
Hello?
Yeah, just a second.
Harry, for you.
248
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,440
( mrs. Dubcek screaming )
249
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,743
( cat screeches )
250
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,946
Hello.
251
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,880
Wrong number.
252
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,218
She took it down
Herself.
253
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:18,455
Ah, it's all right.
254
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:21,092
You had the guts to
Get up there, you know?
It takes time.
255
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,361
I have to be funny
By tomorrow night!
256
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,030
You're not
Gonna make it.
257
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,032
I don't know
What to do!
258
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,368
Well, don't
Over-think it,
You know?
259
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,438
Just talk about
Things you know.
That's what I do.
260
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,440
Yeah.
You make fun
261
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,708
Of your poor mother's
Flabby arms.
262
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,744
Hey, those flabby-arm
Jokes made her
263
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,146
The most popular senior
In ft. Meyers, florida.
264
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,951
You-- you mean,
She doesn't hate you
For it?
265
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:49,553
Hate me? No.
266
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:53,491
She loves me for it.
It's a joke.
267
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,760
You mean,
268
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,762
Tricycles don't really
Fall out of her arms?
269
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,200
Uh, no.
270
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:05,970
Oh, my god!
Of course they don't!
271
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:08,772
I mean, just think
How flabby her arms
Would have to be
272
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:12,510
For a tricycle
To be up in there,
And for so many years.
273
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:16,814
And she didn't even
Notice it, not even
When she took a shower.
274
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:20,418
That's hysterical.
I get it.
275
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,887
I get the joke!
276
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:25,823
Thank you!
Thank you so much!
277
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,362
This should be fun.
278
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:35,299
Um, I'd like to
Welcome you all
Here tonight.
279
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,368
Before we go
Any further,
280
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:41,271
I think that
We should all acknowledge
The sensational job
281
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,742
That my esteemed colleague
Dr. Mary albright has done
282
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:48,913
In organizing this
Truly worthwhile event.
Dr. Albright.
283
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:57,021
Don't you love dr. Albright?
I know I do.
284
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:59,590
Now, I know many
Of you are wondering,
285
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,626
What's with her
Long sleeves?
286
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,661
Well, I'll tell you.
287
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,163
It's to cover up
Her flabby arms.
288
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:13,103
She shook them the other day,
And the dead sea scrolls
Fell out.
289
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,377
She's, uh--
She's quite old
Also, you see.
290
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,280
But you know,
As sweet and wonderful
291
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,516
As dr. Albright is,
292
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,651
She can also be
Somewhat domineering,
293
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,754
Power-hungry
And hostile,
294
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,956
And I think I finally
Figured out why.
295
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,091
Dr. Albright,
While you may not have
296
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,294
A man's genitalia,
297
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:39,096
At least you have
His razor stubble.
298
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:49,373
Oh, oh, oh! Oh!
And there's nina.
299
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:52,709
nina is dr. Albright's assistant.
300
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:55,146
Nina, stand up, stand up.
Come on, stand up.
301
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,714
Show everybody
How you put the “ass”
302
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:59,650
in “assistant.”
303
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,457
- I left my coat on the bus.
- can you describe it?
304
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,792
Yes, it had eight wheels,
Hard plastic seats,
305
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:12,196
And when it stopped,
It went, “sh-h-h-h”"
306
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,732
- harry, he means the coat.
- oh, oh!
307
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,468
Um, well, it kind of
Looked like this one,
Only it was furry--
308
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,237
Don't have it.
Next.
309
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:22,039
- night, eddie.
- see you monday.
310
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:27,545
- he's got my coat.
- harry, be a man.
311
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,254
Hey, mister,
312
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:39,356
That's my coat.
313
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:42,293
- no, it isn't.
- yeah, that's his coat.
314
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:45,529
If it's his coat,
How come I'm wearing it?
315
00:17:45,531 --> 00:17:47,498
Good point.
316
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,833
( blow lands )
317
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,739
- hey, babes.
- good morning, dick.
318
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:59,142
- did you sleep well?
- once the adrenaline
Wore off,
319
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,144
Like a baby.
320
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:03,814
When you've been riding
The bullet train to “yuk-ville”"
321
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,315
It's kind of hard to slow down.
322
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:08,652
I've been up all night
Faxing jokes to leno.
323
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,855
What have we here?
324
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:14,925
Eleven
Banana cream pies!
325
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,394
One for every
Letter in my name.
Am I right?
326
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:21,465
- right.
- oh, girls.
327
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:25,836
- you shouldn't have.
- oh, we had to.
328
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,905
Really.
329
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,174
You were so funny
Last night.
330
00:18:30,176 --> 00:18:32,643
- oh.
- I was wondering
If you could help us out.
331
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,845
Oh, I'd be delighted
To share my...
332
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,847
Comedic expertise.
333
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,116
We who are clowns
Are known for
Our generosity.
334
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,720
Maybe you can help us
Settle an argument
We were having.
335
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:46,456
- shoot.
- what's funnier?
336
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,392
This...
337
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,396
Or this?
338
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,268
Or... Is two
At once funny?
339
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,540
How about...
340
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,644
This?
341
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,450
Is this funny?
342
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,155
I think...
343
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,157
This is funny.
344
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:23,794
You are so right!
345
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,566
That is funny!
346
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,251
Thank you so much
For helping us.
347
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:51,254
I'm glad I could
Be of service.
348
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:54,124
Now if you'll
Excuse me,
349
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,794
I have a class
To teach.
350
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,740
You know, it's
A remarkable feeling
351
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,642
To be able to make
Someone else laugh.
352
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,877
It's almost as if
You have the power
353
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,446
To get inside their brain
And tickle it.
354
00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:19,717
( scoffs )
I can do that
With a chopstick.
355
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,819
Imagine how different
War would be
356
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,353
If instead of trying
To kill each other,
357
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,455
People just showed up
Armed with jokes.
358
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:27,724
But you could still
Have guns, right?
359
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:30,060
Because, you know,
Eventually you'd
Stop laughing
360
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,097
And want to get on
With the killing.
361
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:36,334
- you know what I found out?
Humor's subjective.
- what do you mean?
362
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,402
Well, I thought the fact that
No one was laughing at you
363
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,137
At the comedy club
Was hysterical.
364
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:41,505
- oh, I loved that.
- very funny.
365
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:42,973
No, no.
No, that wasn't funny.
366
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,975
- see?
- which is also ironic.
367
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:49,079
You were at a comedy club,
And no one was laughing.
368
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,715
Hey, shut up,
All of you!
369
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:56,187
Well, I think I'm gonna take
My furry little friend
For a walk.
370
00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:58,422
He's been locked
In the basement all week.
371
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:01,825
You know,
Why do they call it
A “fur coat” anyway?
372
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:05,396
It's not made of fur
And it's not a coat.
373
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:08,599
Uh, actually, harry,
It's both those things.
374
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,667
It was a joke.
375
00:21:10,669 --> 00:21:12,636
All: ohh!
376
00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:14,505
( all laughing )
377
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,474
Good night, everybody.
378
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:23,481
( '50s rock music playing )
30563
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