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1
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,204
- ( turkeys gobbling )
- man on tv: the big day is tomorrow,
2
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:09,240
and these turkeys seem to know what's coming their way.
3
00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:11,610
( gobbling continues )
4
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:13,545
( gobbling )
5
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,488
It's the end
Of the world!
6
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,556
Wait, wait.
What's going on?
7
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,560
There's a terrible
Crisis.
8
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,263
We were at the store,
And the place was a madhouse.
9
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,432
People were cramming
Everything they could
Into their carts,
10
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:36,035
Especially these giant
Balls of butter.
11
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,036
I got one
For each of us.
12
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,439
I'm telling you,
Something is up.
The radio said
13
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:43,041
The airports were
Jammed with people
Trying to get out of town.
14
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,444
As a matter of fact,
I just saw a report
On a turkey ranch,
15
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,213
And those birds
Were talking
Apocalypse.
16
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:52,350
- apocalypse?
- well, more like
“apocalopolis.”
17
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,454
What does this
All mean?
18
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,756
Well, I have a thought--
We're all gonna die!
19
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,825
All right,
Let's not panic.
20
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,960
Tonight we'll turn off
The lights and hunker
Down in the kitchen.
21
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:04,629
Tomorrow morning I'll make
A run to the university
And find out what's going on.
22
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,898
- police and secure
The perimeter!
- all: what?
23
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,401
- lock the doors!
- oh, yeah!
24
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,969
Ow!
25
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:14,973
Dick:
hello? Hello? Mary!
26
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,442
Mary!
( gasps )
27
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:20,879
Mary, what
Have they done
To your hair?
28
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,615
- speak to me, mary!
- ( screaming )
29
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,350
( yelling )
30
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:27,619
Dr. Solomon,
What are you
Doing here?
31
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,621
I'm trying
To find mary,
32
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:32,490
But she's probably
Already dead!
( sobbing )
33
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:35,527
Are you sure
She's not home
Eating a big meal,
34
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:38,530
Celebrating
The holiday?
35
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,099
"Holiday"?
What do you mean, "Holiday"?
36
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:44,202
- it's thanksgiving.
- ohh!
37
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:46,204
So it's not
The apocalypse.
38
00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:48,206
It's-- what
Did you call it?
39
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:51,009
Thanksgiving.
40
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:54,679
You should be home
With your loved ones
Around a dinner table,
41
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:57,081
Giving thanks
For what you've got.
42
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,083
But-- well, why
Are you here?
43
00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:02,453
Yeah, well, I took
St. Patrick's day off.
44
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,558
For six months.
45
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,360
- so-- so mary isn't dead?
- probably not.
46
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,362
- she's giving thanks.
- that's right.
47
00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:13,365
- with her loved ones.
- yeah.
48
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:17,602
But-- but--
But that's me!
49
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,904
Go on home.
50
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:22,340
Have a beer.
Take a nap.
51
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,543
You'll feel like
A human being.
52
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:27,245
Well, of course I will,
'cause that's what I am,
53
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,214
A human being.
54
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:32,317
And overlooking
The holidays
55
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:35,754
Was simply...
Human error.
56
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,689
( '50s rock music playing )
57
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:10,422
( gasps )
Oh, dick! We gotta
Get out of here!
58
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,757
It's gotten worse.
They've stopped
Delivering the mail.
59
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,693
Of course they have.
60
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,429
Someone's taken over the
Airwaves. There's a terrifying
Parade on every channel!
61
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,498
Of course there is.
62
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,968
- I got the gnome!
I got the gnome!
- hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
63
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:27,439
Slow down there,
Speedboat.
64
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,440
It's just thanksgiving.
65
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:32,477
- all: "Thanks-what-ing"?
- thanksgiving, it's a holiday.
66
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:36,147
Like big, giant
Head day?
67
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:39,751
Similar, except nobody
Gets thrown into the sun.
68
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:43,221
It's a national holiday.
Everybody gets to take
The day off.
69
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,890
- ( all exclaiming )
- except for sally.
70
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:49,227
- what?
- she has to go into the kitchen
And make an enormous feast.
71
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:53,164
Great. Our first
Holiday on earth,
And I got to cook.
72
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:56,968
And then after we eat,
We have to give thanks.
73
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,704
To me?
For cooking?
74
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:03,341
- ohh!
- ( chuckling )
Sally...
75
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:07,178
No, no, we have
To give thanks for
Something bigger,
76
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:10,381
Something more important,
Something like--
77
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:14,419
Well, not this,
But something like
How good looking I am.
78
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,955
Maybe if we just
Run it through,
It'll hit us.
79
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,890
Why should we
Run through anything?
80
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,892
'cause I called mary.
She's coming over.
81
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,861
- but what if we get it wrong?
It'll give us away.
- now, look, men,
82
00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:27,365
When we first landed
On this planet,
We didn't know squat.
83
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:30,936
We didn't even
Know what the word
“squat” meant.
84
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:34,706
- and we had to find out
The hard way.
- and it hurt.
85
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:38,010
All we have to do
Is find a human example
And follow it.
86
00:04:38,012 --> 00:04:40,679
- hello, hello, everybody!
- mrs. Dubcek.
87
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,181
Close enough.
88
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:46,351
Happy thanksgiving,
Everybody. This is
My daughter, vicki.
89
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:49,688
Oh, I didn't know
Ms. Dubcek had a--
( purring )
90
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:54,760
I mean, hello-o-o-o-o.
91
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,830
Hi. You have
Great hair.
92
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:02,767
So, uh,
What are you ladies
Doing for thanksgiving?
93
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,837
- we're going off
To the beef 'n' griddle.
- oh, no, you're not.
94
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,105
You're coming over
To our house
To help us.
95
00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:11,342
- uh, celebrate.
- yeah, we don't know
What we're doing.
96
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:14,346
Uh, celebrate.
97
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:18,382
- what do you say, vick?
- I say, what the hell?
98
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,519
Then “what the hel”"
It is.
99
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,425
- turkey, no turkey.
- oh! Oh!
100
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:29,494
Turkey, no turkey.
101
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,029
- turkey...
- ohh!
102
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,766
A-no turkey.
103
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:38,103
Oh, harry, you've got
A real childlike
Innocence about you.
104
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,038
It's very sexy.
105
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,341
Turkey.
106
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:48,613
Wow, this is
The ugliest lingerie
I've ever seen.
107
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:51,816
- but buckles.
- mmm.
108
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:53,818
Oh, that? No.
109
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,121
That's just
A costume I wore
In a thanksgiving play
110
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,123
I did in junior high.
111
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:01,960
I was a pilgrim,
And every time I wore it,
112
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:06,030
I put everybody in
The thanksgiving mood.
113
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,174
- tommy?
- what?
114
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:19,744
- you heard what she said.
- forget it, dick, I'm not
Putting that thing on.
115
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:22,013
- once again, you let us down.
- what are you talking about?
116
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:25,116
You're the information officer.
You should have prepped us
For this holiday weeks ago,
117
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,218
And now you won't
Wear the costume!
118
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,220
Is there any end
To your treachery?
119
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:33,024
Look dick, if it's
A holiday, why don't you just
Take the day off my back.
120
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,026
Oh, I will.
121
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,962
I will not allow
My disappointment in you
To destroy this festival,
122
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,365
Even though the costume
Would put us all in
The thanksgiving mood.
123
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,300
Yeah, well, it'll put me
In the crappy mood!
124
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:45,570
You're always
In the crappy mood.
Now, come on! Put it on!
125
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,904
- put it on!
- no!
126
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,039
Happy thanksgiving!
127
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,842
Oh, happy thanksgiving,
Mary.
128
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,010
- put it on!
- no!
129
00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:55,880
Ever since we got here,
I can't do anything right
For you. Why is that?
130
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:59,217
- don't use use that tone
Of voice with me, old man.
- oh! I'm going for a walk.
131
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,820
Oh, fine!
And don't come back
Until you're damn ready
132
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:05,289
- to sit down with your
Family and have fun!
- ( door slams )
133
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,694
( gagging )
134
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,336
Uh...
135
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:20,639
Dubcek, so what
Am I supposed to do
With this thing?
136
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:24,075
You stick
Your hand right up there
And yank out its guts.
137
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,680
What's the point?
It's already dead.
138
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,783
- that's how it's done.
- all right.
139
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,085
Sally, look who's here.
140
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,154
I thought you might
Need a little help
Cooking.
141
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:39,691
Why? Don't you think she's ever
Cooked a thanksgiving dinner
Before? Is that what you think?
142
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,360
Yeah, you don't
Think I've ever cooked
A thanksgiving dinner before?
143
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:44,929
- no, I didn't say that.
- because thanksgiving is
Not new to us.
144
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:48,700
And we're certainly
Not new to thanksgiving.
145
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:51,035
So, when's dinner?
3:00?
146
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:54,472
- today?
- 3:00! On the dot!
147
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,742
All right, move it.
Uh, dubcek, take out
The relish tray,
148
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,145
And mary, hold this.
149
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,080
Ohh!
150
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:06,384
Okay, now,
Does the fork go
On the right or on the left?
151
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,553
Well,
152
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:11,823
This goes here,
153
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:17,429
And this goes here.
154
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,769
Are those the rules?
155
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,771
Oh, forget about
The rules, harry!
156
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:29,007
Just put whatever you
Want to put wherever
You want to put it.
157
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,679
Can I put my shirts
In my underwear drawer?
158
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,084
Go wild.
159
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,753
Okay.
160
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:53,464
Maybe you should rub it
With a little margarine
Before you put it in.
161
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:57,034
You heard the woman.
Rub that bird.
162
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,604
I don't think so.
All it needs is
A little salt.
163
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:01,106
No margarine!
Heavy on the salt!
164
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:02,941
If you want
The skin to crisp--
165
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,943
Want skin crisp now.
166
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,479
Want you dead now.
167
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:14,586
Dick, my grandmother
Had a saying--
168
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:18,156
“get out of the kitchen
Before I burn you
With a hot spoon.”
169
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:23,027
Your grandmother had
A rapier wit.
170
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,566
Dick, get out
Of the kitchen!
171
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,036
And she was mean too.
172
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,344
- are you open?
- 'course we're open.
It's thanksgiving.
173
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,923
Excuse me.
This game's not
Three-dimensional, is it?
174
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,829
Uh, yeah.
Uh, you want to play
Some 8-ball?
175
00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:02,533
- what's 8-ball?
- don't worry, we're not
Very good either.
176
00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:10,207
Harry, you should see
The beautiful turkey
Sally has in the kitchen.
177
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,443
- oh, there's a turkey here?
- oh, it's enormous!
178
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,613
I want to see it!
( screaming )
179
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:21,286
You murdered it!
( screaming )
180
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:27,725
Although we are very familiar
With this tradition, it never
Ceases to appall us.
181
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,761
( screams )
182
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,304
Well, I did it.
183
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,973
Here it is, folks--
The perfect turkey!
184
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:47,345
( all exclaiming )
185
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,814
Shouldn't we wait
For tommy?
186
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,750
We're starting
Without him.
187
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,687
Well, but I poured
Some grape juice
In a wine glass,
188
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:59,424
And who's gonna sit
At the kids' table?
189
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,793
Doesn't matter.
190
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:04,896
Fine, okay.
Thanksgiving's ruined.
Hack away.
191
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,931
Oh, no, no, I--
192
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:10,168
I couldn't make
The first hack.
Mary, you hack.
193
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,471
Uh-- uh--
194
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,473
Before we hack
The turkey,
195
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,408
Shouldn't someone
Give thanks?
196
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,882
Uh, here we all are,
197
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:30,421
Gathered together
For a completely authentic
Thanksgiving dinner,
198
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,423
Perfect in every way.
199
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,893
I just want to say
I am thankful
200
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:38,096
That we are all here
To feast on this dead bird.
201
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,965
We're not all here.
Tommy's not here.
202
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,967
Thank you so much
For bringing that up!
203
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:45,170
Thank you,
Thank you, thank you!
204
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,805
- don't worry.
Tommy will be back.
- thank you!
205
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:51,076
Hey. Excuse me.
I'd like to add
206
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,611
A little something,
If I may.
207
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:56,414
Uh, I just
Feel that
208
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,984
This year I have
So much to be
Thankful for--
209
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,787
That thing under my armpit
Went away.
210
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,060
And when I was
Working at wal-mart
211
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,163
And that big
Stack of boxes
Fell on me,
212
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,898
I got workman's comp
For eight months,
And that's--
213
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:20,505
That's twice as much
As my normal salary, so...
214
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:23,307
Guess you'd
Have to say that
215
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,309
God has been
216
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,311
Very, very good to me.
217
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,413
( sobbing )
218
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,348
Let's eat!
219
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:38,356
You know, I left
Because they don't
Appreciate me.
220
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:41,158
And I do a lot
For those guys.
6 ball, corner pocket.
221
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:45,095
I mean, they just don't
Understand how difficult
It is to be a kid.
222
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:48,799
I mean, I do a lot at home,
But you have to have a life
Outside work too, you know.
223
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,802
7 ball, side pocket.
224
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,905
I mean, occasionally
I screw up. I'm only
Trying to be human.
225
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:56,641
But whatever I do,
It's never enough
For those people.
226
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,175
8 ball, three banks,
Back pocket.
227
00:12:58,177 --> 00:12:59,777
You know what I mean?
228
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,352
That's game.
229
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,788
Tommy,
230
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,957
They're hard on you
Because they love you.
231
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,426
Yeah, at least
You've got somebody.
232
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:18,395
My father used
To take me out to
The shed every friday,
233
00:13:18,397 --> 00:13:20,431
Whether I deserved it
Or not.
234
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:23,434
Why?
Because he cared.
235
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:28,072
He just wanted
To make me strong,
That's all.
236
00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:30,875
I should go home
And thank him.
237
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:33,344
- well, why don't you?
- I can't afford to.
238
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,613
You've got all
My money!
239
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:40,050
Here, take it.
Go home.
240
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:43,554
Oh, tommy, man!
You're the best!
241
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,556
( men sobbing )
242
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:48,693
I love you, man!
I love you!
243
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,730
- hey, frank--
- hold on.
244
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:55,066
Hi, dad,
245
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,001
( choking up )
It's francis.
246
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:11,282
- what are you doing?
- it's tradition.
247
00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:17,721
I like it.
248
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:22,126
( both groaning )
249
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:29,500
What's the matter
With us, harry?
250
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,670
I'm gettin' drowsy,
251
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:35,106
And I can't
Fight it.
252
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,709
I feel like
I'm gonna explode.
253
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:43,213
I'm gonna
Ex-uh-pul-lode!
254
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:46,383
( sighing )
255
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:52,256
Stay with me, harry.
I'll save you.
256
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:55,092
No!
Save yourself!
257
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,730
Harry!
258
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,199
Harry, can you
Hear me?
259
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:05,202
- harry!
- ( both sighing )
260
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:14,945
It's dick!
Come back to me!
Come back to me, harry!
261
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:17,715
- dick?
- harry!
262
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,084
Talk to me!
263
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,053
What's for dessert?
264
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,762
Wow, your mother's
Refrigerator
265
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:33,097
Is far more spacious
Than ours.
266
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,099
Do you get enough
To eat, pumpkin?
267
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:39,937
Well, that depends
On what you're
Talking about.
268
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:45,209
And what do you think
I'm talkin' about?
269
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:47,145
Yams.
270
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:51,748
Oh, I got yams
For ya.
271
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:03,026
Don't you want
To put a little
Mini marshmallow on that?
272
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:23,440
- yahtzee.
- no, dick, that wasn't yahtzee.
That was two of a kind.
273
00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:26,443
- yahtzee.
- no, that's not
A yahtzee.
274
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,412
Yahtzee.
Five in a row.
275
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:30,747
They lost
The instructions.
276
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:33,551
- tommy knows how to play.
- well, tommy's not here.
277
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,086
Yahtzee.
278
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:38,822
It's too bad.
He would have really
Liked my stuffing.
279
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:40,891
Well, he should have
Put on the pilgrim costume.
280
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,893
Why didn't you put on
The pilgrim costume?
281
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,496
You're the one who wanted
To show off and have
A big, stupid thanksgiving.
282
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:48,900
That's not why I had
A big, stupid thanksgiving.
I did it for all of you.
283
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,902
Oh, admit it, dick--
Everything is about you.
284
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,237
- what about you?
You had a good time.
- oh, yeah, if you call spending
285
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,607
The whole day in the kitchen
With these two jabbermouths
A good time.
286
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:59,710
Hey! One of those
Jabber mouths
Is his girlfriend!
287
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,813
- yeah!
- I have had it
With all of you!
288
00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:05,282
- this holiday is over!
- oh, I see! Well!
289
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:09,219
Now I have something
To give thanks for.
Thanks for nothing!
290
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,861
This is why I go
To the beef 'n' griddle.
291
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,803
I've never felt
This way before.
292
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:29,806
I've never felt
This sticky before.
293
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,312
Harry,
294
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:38,516
I got to go home
To orlando tomorrow.
295
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,685
But I'll be back.
296
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,987
You know,
I like you, harry.
You're--
297
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:46,023
You're not like
The other guys.
298
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,025
Ah.
299
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,960
No, ma'am.
300
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:55,699
Do you, uh-- do you think
We could make it work?
301
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:58,236
Oh, I don't know.
I'm pretty tired.
302
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:02,206
I meant us, harry.
303
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,208
I definitely think
304
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,276
That “us” could work.
305
00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:08,212
Me too.
306
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:11,815
Your family's a little
Strange, though.
307
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:14,952
Ha! Your mother's
Ms. Dubcek.
308
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,894
Oh, mary,
I'm so sorry
About everything.
309
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:25,329
- what?
- oh the tension,
The fighting,
310
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,098
- the lumpy gravy.
- yeah.
311
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,200
You give and you give
And you give
312
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,135
Until you just
Can't give anymore.
313
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:35,105
Mmm. Same thing
Happens at my house.
314
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:41,144
- this happens at your house?
- why should my house
Be any different
315
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:44,215
Than 99% of all
The homes in america?
316
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,218
What about the other
One percent?
317
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,220
Connecticut.
318
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,221
( thudding )
319
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:53,490
- hey, guys.
- tommy, you're back.
320
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,428
Oh, I'll leave
You two alone.
321
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,964
Sorry I left
Like that.
322
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:04,201
No, that's all right.
I-- I don't think
It was your fault.
323
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,203
I found out
Something pretty cool.
324
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,338
You know how
You tried to make this
A special day,
325
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:10,908
But all the resentment
I had for you
Came spewing out
326
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,010
And we ended up
Spending the whole day
Avoiding each other?
327
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,945
- yeah.
- it's normal.
328
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,981
I was gonna tell you
The same thing!
329
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:20,951
Yeah, the screaming,
The fighting,
The exploding resentments--
330
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,953
That's what
Thanksgiving is!
331
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:24,955
- so we did
Get it right.
- yeah.
332
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,691
- nailed it.
- oh, yeah.
333
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,430
( all sighing )
334
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,934
Tommy.
335
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:47,378
I've never felt
So content.
336
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,380
I look around
This room and I see
337
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,882
Nothing but
Familiar faces.
338
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:54,051
Well, some are more
Familiar than others.
339
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,920
I barely know you.
340
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,856
But it doesn't matter,
Because tonight
341
00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:01,992
You're all family,
342
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,594
And this has been
The perfect thanksgiving.
343
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,897
And now for
The perfect dessert.
344
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,999
Surprise!
345
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,735
( all screaming )
346
00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:17,675
I guess not everyone
Likes jell-o.
347
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:26,817
Listen, dick, we better not
Let another one of these big
Holidays sneak up on us.
348
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,853
Oh, don't worry,
Lieutenant, after this one,
349
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:32,823
There couldn't possibly
Be another one for months.
350
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:37,561
You know, after cooking
That huge dinner tonight,
I think I deserve a break.
351
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:39,763
- what do you plan to do?
- I think...
352
00:21:39,765 --> 00:21:43,868
Tomorrow I'm gonna spend
A nice, peaceful day
At the mall.
353
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:48,305
Really?
I hear there's a sale.
354
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,008
Really? Goody!
29765
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