All language subtitles for 3rd Rock from the Sun - S02E04 - Big Angry Virgin From Outer Space (1080p x265 EDGE2020)_track3_[eng]

- ( dog barking )
- you know, mr. Randell,

We've only been out
On six dates, but already
I feel comfortable with you.

You make me feel
So feminine,

Which is ironic
'cause I could snap
Your neck like a twig.

Thanks.

Oh, mr. Randell.

( sighs )

Sally, do you
Want to go back
To my apartment?

Oh, I know what's
Going to happen there,

Uh-huh.

We'll continue
To kiss and touch
And kiss and touch

Just like the movies,
And all of a sudden
The scene ends,

And we're in the park
Eating hot dogs
And laughing.

That's such
A sally thing
To say.

You're never
What I expect.

Yeah, like that time
You didn't have
To pay for dinner

'cause I got us thrown
Out of the sizzler.

- like that, yeah.
- but that's what you
Like about me, right?

- right, right, right,
Right, right?
- yeah, yeah.

But now it's
Starting to, um...

I don't know,

Irritate me.

- I'm not
The perfect woman?
- this close, really.

Just a couple,
Three, four things
You could change.

Maybe let me be
In control sometimes,
Just a little.

Well, you're going
To see a whole new me.

( funk music playing
on radio )

God, I hate that.

- it's gone.
- ( music stops )

Oh... I should have
Let you do that.

Whoopsy doodle.

( '50s rock music playing )

Good-bye, basket
Of kittens.

I can only pray that
Next month's photo

Will bring us a fraction
Of the joy and whimsy...

...That you did.

Thank you,
Bank of rutherford.

What?
That's a monkey
Playing golf.

I know, but he's
Putting with a driver.

You never see
Yourself clearly

Until you see yourself
Through your lover's eyes.

I am red freakin' hot!

Good for you.
And I'm a loud,
Destructive,

Irritating pain
In the butt.

Mr. Randell's not crazy
About me anymore, dick.

Sally, don't tell me you're
Failing at your relationship.

- how could you?
- I don't know.

I thought I had this
Whole woman thing aced.

My performance has been
Technically flawless.

He wants me
To change.

Well, here on earth,
Humans change
For their lovers.

August and I always
Accommodate each other's
Wants and needs.

For example, I stopped
Wearing old spice,

And she's stopped
Telling me to stop
Wearing old spice.

Oh...

Don't compare
My mature relationship

To your little
"Tigerbeat" tryst.

Yeah, she's right.

Tommy, adults have far more
Complicated problems.

Although, come to think
Of it, dr. Albright
And I are adults,

And we have none.

I have struck
Gold with her,
Grabbed the prize,

Hit the jackpot.

Ding, ding, ding,
Ding, ding, ding!

You're a winner.

You didn't win.
You lucked out.

Love doesn't just
Drop into your lap.

You've got to
Force it there.

I don't know, dick.
I'm beginning to wonder
If I've got what it takes.

Of course you've
Got what it takes.
You're a warrior,

And this is
The battle
Of the sexes.

You can win it!

I envy you.
Everybody in this house

Has got somebody
Except me.

But when I do make
My love connection,

Lady beware.

I change for no one.

Harry, you sound
Like an idiot.

And that will
Never change.

Tommy?

Let's say

I got into this
Horrible car crash,

And I wasn't
Really hurt,

But my hair fell out
From the shock.

Would you
Still like me?

- what about the eyebrows?
- gone.

Yeah, sure, I'd still
Like you, of course.

It would take
A couple of days
To get used to.

- did you see the monkey?
- I saw the monkey.

What if my sight
Went next?

I'm bald,
With no eyebrows,

And I can't see.
Would you still
Go out with me?

I'd stand by you.

Of course, you
Wouldn't know it.

Why don't you
Go out and find
Your own girlfriend?

With my schedule,
Where would I
Find the time?

Oh, my god.
I have got

The most brilliant idea.

You should contact
A video dating service.

- you think?
- yes! August,
That's genius.

In fact,
I bet they're
Open right now.

Yes.

Yes, yes.

There is a woman
Out there with
My name on her.

I will find her,

And nothing's
Gonna to stop me,

Unless I get distracted
By something shiny.

You look
Lovely today.

Thank you.

- and you like everything else
About me, too?
- yes.

- have I done anything
To upset you?
- no.

Great, 'cause I'm really
Trying to change
For you, kevin.

I have been so bad.

Have you decided
On a wine?

- what do you feel like?
Red or white?
- I don't know.

You decide.

We'll have
A bottle of merlot.

We're out of bread.
You want more bread?

I don't know.
You decide.

Is it cold in here,
Or is it just me?

I don't know.
You decide.

- what are you doing?
- I don't know.

You decide.

If there's a problem here,
Just say so.

Oh, there's no problem.
I'm just trying
To please you.

- would you just drop this?
- something's wrong,
Isn't it?

You like to play naive,
But you know exactly
What you're doing.

Back up.
Is naive a good thing
In a woman or a bad thing?

Are you trying
To drag me into some
Neofeminist debate?

I don't know.
You decide!

Fine.
I've decided.

Lunch is over.

Aw, listen, hon,
There are other fish
In the sea.

I don't want to hear
About the specials, lady.

( frog croaks )

Hi, my name
Is harry solomon.

My turn-ons are
Sunshine, beach houses,

And baking bread
With my blouse off.

- I wasn't rolling.
- oh, I'm sorry.

All right, harry,
This is all about

Just being yourself.

I want you to just
Relax, act natural,

And have fun, okay?
All right, here we go.

Okay.
I was brought up...

♪ on the backstreets ♪

♪ learned to love
Before I could eat ♪

♪ educated, ow-ww!
At woodstock ♪

♪ I'm a soul man! ♪

Friday would be fine.
Yeah, I see
No problem with--

I'll call you back.

( beeping )

( phone rings )

- hello.
- heh-woh.

This is
Mr. Poopie bear.

Is this my wittle
Bunny face doll?

Hi, mr. Poopie bear.
Is wou happy?

I'd be happier
If I was in a big
Snuggle buggle with wou.

( laughs )

- ( kisses )
- snuggle, snuggle,
snuggle, snuggle,

Snuggle, snuggle.

- oh.
- heh-woh?

heh-woh!

Oh, heh-woh.

Dick, I need to talk.

- well, sure.
- I just had a horrible
Lunch with kevin.

- tell me what happened.
- I tried to change for him,
And he still got mad at me.

- I thought I'd done
Everything right.
- I'm sure you did.

- what do you think
He needs from me?
- sally, sit down.

Honey, I'm a man,

And here's something
That I've learned.

How can I put this?

Men... Are
Completely incapable

Of talking about
Relationships.

Here's two women.
Dump on them.

( both sigh )

What does this
Remind you of?

That time in vienna.

That waiter,

- those long walks.
- and this coffee.

Yeah.

- what's going on?
- sally's tense.

I'm taking her away
With flavored coffee.

Who am I kidding?
I've never even
Been to vienna!

Well, this
Is amaretto.

A broken heart
Demands mocha mint!

I'm sorry.
You can't blame me...

- sally, what's wrong?
- look at these chairs.

I don't know
If it's the fabric,
Or the pattern,

Or that mr. Randell
Hates me, or maybe
We just need a couch.

- the fabric
Is a bit loud.
- it's mr. Randell.

Sally, please,
Stop being so sad.

- I'm not sad. I'm angry.
- then why are you leaking?

I don't know!
It's a whole new leak.

My relationship with
Mr. Randell is broken.

No matter
What I say to him,
I can't fix it.

Stop saying,
And start doing.

You've got to
Have more sex.

More?
I've never had
Any, ever.

Ever?
Well...

There's the black fly
In your chardonnay.

You've got to start.

Sex fixes everything.

It's the neosporin
Of amore.

Uh... Dick, I don't
Know about that.

August says it's
Very in nowadays to save
Yourself for marriage.

Could we please not
Talk about marriage?

- I can't even get through
Dinner with this guy.
- are you going to give up?

He's just not happy
With me anymore.

You think you can
Just walk out of here
And find another man?

- I mean, really,
Just look at yourself.
- ( gasps ) what?

Oh, those
Comically long legs,

That blindingly shiny hair,
Those unruly breasts.

All right!
I get the picture!

Sally, he seems
Like a nice guy.

Maybe he'll do it
Out of pity.

Are you sure?

Come here.
I know the thought

Of giving yourself
To someone

Is at once frightening
And exciting,

But embrace it.

Let go of yourself.

I mean, dr. Albright
Dove right in, and it
Was her first time.

Um... Ahem--
Coffee, anyone?

Look, maybe you need
A little something

To, uh...

To get you
In the mood.

I have a movie
That you can borrow.

"Homeward bound."

- is this
Supposed to help?
- couldn't hurt.

The scene where the cat
Falls off the wet log...

You'll notice
That part of the tape
Is a little worn.

Here.
Mocha mint for you.

- thanks, tommy.
- yeah. ( clears throat )

Personally, I think
Dick's going

A little overboard
With the whole thing.

You have to realize
Making love to mr. Randell
Is your decision.

You're right.

I'll do it.
I mean,

What do I have to lose
Except my virginity?

Good-bye, mr. Hymen.

You're firing
Our accountant?

Oh!

Man:
what do you look for
in the opposite sex, harry?

Harry:
big bosoms...

and teeth.

Harry, you're
So natural
And so sincere,

Not to mention
Your features are
Positively chiseled.

You know, I had
No idea that you prefer
One large meal a day,

- or that your favorite
Color is clear.
- clear.

Tommy...

( all scream )

- we have to talk.
- august, are you okay?

I'll be all right.
Fortunately,
The hamster

Didn't have rabies.

- the hamster?
- the hamster that
Bit my nose off.

Yes, that's right,
Tommy,

My nose is gone.

So, I suppose you
Want your ring back.

Uh... Well, no.

Uh... Can't they,

Like, stick it
Back on somehow?

And that would be
The only way you'd
Continue to see me?

With my nose back,
That is?

No, I didn't
Say that.
Uh...

Uh... I guess we'll
Just work through

This whole nose
Thing together.

- no!
- surprise!

I never should have
Doubted you, tommy.

( knocking )

( knocking continues )

- ( pounding )
- yeah!

Yeah.

- hi, sally.
- hi.

I wasn't expecting
To see you.

Well, you know me,

Little old
Impulsive sally.

I've decided
We need to take things
To another level.

Sally, I think we have
A lot of issues that
Need to be resolved.

By another level,
I mean this.

We can put those issues
On the back burner
For awhile.

( grunts )

I really want
To please you, kevin.

You didn't have to stop
To tell me that.

This is going to fix
Everything, right?

Well, it's going to fix
A couple of things.

If it's not going
To fix everything,
Why are we doing it?

Okay, this wasn't
My idea, sally.

It wasn't mine, either.
It was my family's.

Your family convinced you
To sleep with me?

Yeah,
We really think
You're worth it.

What am I, some kind
Of experiment?

You make that sound
Like a bad thing.

Why does everything
Have to be so difficult
With you?

If I'm so difficult,
Why do you want to
Have sex with me?

Because you're laying
On top of me.

- that's your answer
For everything.
- I give up.

- you give up, good.
That means I win.
- no, you don't win.

- you win?
- I don't win, either.

- no one wins?
- no.

- this really sucks.
- yes, it does.

- I don't want
To play anymore.
- neither do I.

I think one of us
Should leave.

And since this is
Your apartment,

- I guess that
Would be me.
- good-bye.

You know, I've...

- never lost before.
- I'm sorry.

( loud explosion )

Tell me
What happened.

I went over there to fix
Things, and instead
I ruined everything.

And the worst part is,
I'm still a virgin.

Oh, my god.
You're a virgin?

Yes, I know.
It's horrible.

No, no, no, no,
It's wonderful.

It is?

Yes. It's perfectly
All right to save yourself
For the right man.

like you did
for dick?

Yes.

The point is,
Breaking up with
Kevin was smart.

He wanted you to be
Something you're not,

And you're fine
Just the way you are.

I like you, sally.

I didn't know
You liked me.

Well, I do.

You're a strong,
Opinionated,

Intelligent
Young woman.

Unpredictable at times,
A little scary,

But, hell,
That's you.

That is me.

I like me, too,
But why didn't
Mr. Randell?

Well, he's just not
The right guy for you.
But you'll find someone.

I mean, just look at you.
Those legs, that hair--

Please! I've been
Dragged through
The muck enough today.

Just chalk this up
To experience.

Thanks, dr. Albright.

You're so nice.

I always thought
You were such a bitch.

Oh, I am,

But, hell,

That's me.

( blues music playing )

( coughs )

- well, hello.
- hi.

I gotta say,
I'm shocked.

That videotape
Did not do you justice.

What videotape?

Oh.

That must be lydia.

A little more knuckle hair
Than I had hoped for,

But... A guy has got
To start somewhere.

( all inhale )

( all sigh )

You know
What this coffee
Reminds me of?

That little cafe
In amsterdam?

No, that I used
The coffee pot
To drain the freon

Out of the air
Conditioner.

All:
Yeah.

It's a beautiful
Morning, isn't it?

The birds are chirping.
The sky is blue.

You're awfully cheery,
Considering you just
Lost your boyfriend.

- I'm okay.
- you know, I feel
Sorry for you.

This afternoon,
I'm going shopping
For drapes

With dr. Albright,
And you'll be alone.

And tomorrow
I'm taking dr. Albright
To the recycling center,

And you'll be alone.

The way I look at it,
Dick, I'm embarking
On an adventure.

The dating world is like
A huge food court for me,

And I can take
My little red tray
Anywhere I like.

I don't follow.

You see, dick,
It's like, with you,

You know you're
Going to have grilled
Cheese every day,

Day after day

After day
After day.

But me, tonight
I might go italian.

Tomorrow, greek.
Next week, who knows?

Mexican, chinese--

Hot dog on a stick.

Hey, harry,

Come on,
It's singles day
At the mall.

Lock and load.

Grilled cheese.

Tommy,

We're late.

Enjoy your lunch.

Yeah, you, too.

God, I love
Grilled cheese.

Yeah.

I could eat it
Every day.

Day after day
After day
After day.

Mmm!

Hey, do you have
Any sliced tomatoes?

Yes!
Yes, we do!

Perfect mate has hundreds
Of compatible people
For you.

- let's go.
- my name is sally,

And I'm strong,
Loud, opinionated,

And aggressive.

I'm a big, angry virgin,
And I'm happy about it.

Oh, and I also enjoy walking
Barefoot in the sand,

And the poems
Of rod mckuen.

So, if you're
Man enough for me,

Let's make a date.