All language subtitles for T S01E11 Paul Goes To New York 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN (1)_track3_[eng]

MALE NARRATOR:
Once upon a time,

there was a little girl
named Tabitha.

She and her family lived
in a typical American home.

There was a mother,
Samantha...

[ZAPS]

...a father, Darren,

[ZAPS]
Little Tabitha,

and her brother, Adam.

As Tabitha grew older,

her parents discovered
that she was a gifted child.

Book.

Quite gifted.

But wisely,

they didn't pay
a lot of attention to that.

And Tabitha grew up
just right,

with pigtails and freckles,

just like any other
typical American girl.

[ZAPS]

Uh, almost.

♪ Some people got it ♪

♪ Some people don't ♪

♪ You'll never know
Until you try ♪

♪ You never know, baby
You can fly ♪

♪ If you try ♪

♪ It could be magic ♪

♪ The way I feel ♪

♪ It could be magic ♪

♪ But it feels so real ♪

♪ It could be magic ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Well, it could be magic ♪

♪ It could be magic ♪

[♪♪♪]

[PAUL LAUGHING]

Yes, Dr. Morrison,
I have read your book

on primitive
Australian tribes.

Then you know
that it's my belief

that the primitive man
in Australia is much happier

than so-called
civilized man.

Well, sure,
they say they're happy.

I mean, they're afraid
to admit they are not.

Who wants to get hit
in the head with a boomerang.

[LAUGHING]

Uh, Paul's really
sharp tonight,

that's a very
funny ad lib.

Yeah, I thought so, too,
when I wrote it.

Well, our time is up, folks.

I want to thank my guest,
Dr. Gertrude Morrison,

the well-known author
on primitive tribes.

Good luck, Doc,

and keep beating
those bushes.

Now I want to say something
to my loyal fans out there.

This is the end of
The Paul Thurston Show.

What's he doing?

He--He's never
signed off like that before.

Yeah,
you heard right.

This is my last show,
because tomorrow,

I'm leaving
for New York City

where I'll be starring
in my own network game show,

Make a Pile.

PAUL:
But I'll miss you all.

I love you,
and good night,

and goodbye.

Good night and goodbye?

Is this some
kind of practical joke?

I can't believe it.
Paul just quit.

How could you leave us
in the lurch like this, Paul?

You could have at least
given us two weeks' notice.

I couldn't, Marv.

We really need time
to find a replacement.

Can I have
your blotter, Paul?

Oh, sure, Adam.
Here, take it.

Guys, i-it was impossible.

My agent
didn't close the deal

until right before
airtime tonight.

There's still a few
minor details up in the air.

What about your stapler?

Here, take it.

[SIGHS]
Hey, look, guys,

what difference does
it make when he told us?

The point is, this is
a really big break for Paul,

and we should be
glad for him.

ADAM: Absolutely, I couldn't be
happier for you, Paul.

What're you going to do
with your wastepaper basket?

Here, here.

What about your calendar?

Take it, but can
I have my luncheon date

for tomorrow afternoon?

Paul, tell us
about your new job.

I'm dying to hear about it.

Well, it's terrific.
What can I say?

You know, my own
network game show,

and everything
that goes with it.

Private limo,
the whole star treatment.

Listen, everybody,
you've really

done a great job,

and to show my appreciation,
I'd like to throw a farewell

party tomorrow night.

TABITHA:
Oh, that's great!

Well, that's something
at least.

Thanks, Paul.

I'd like to,
but I can't.

You see,
they're moving the furniture

out of my apartment
in the afternoon.

My place will be empty.

Oh, well, uh,
you can use my place.

Oh, terrific.

You're all invited
to a beautiful buffet

with plenty to eat
and drink. Right, Tab?

Uh, right.

Well, of course, I'll be
picking up the tab, Tab.

I guess you won't be needing
your address book anymore.

You crazy?

I'm going to New York,
not a monastery.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, but here's a number
you can have.

Gee, thanks, Paul.

Yeah, she just turned 25.

Little too old for me.

Nancy, I really
appreciate your help.

Oh, that's okay.

I don't go on duty
for another half hour.

That should give you
plenty of time

to move your car from
the no parking zone it's in.

Well, thanks for the warning.

Ooh, we're gonna
need a lot of ice for tonight.

Uh, you want to start
emptying the ice trays?

Sure. Where are they?

In the toaster.

In the toaster?

Why would you keep
ice trays in the toaster?

In the refrigerator,
Nancy.

Oh.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello. Oh, hi, Marv.

No, I haven't
come upon anyone yet.

You know, finding
a replacement for Paul

is not easy.

[SIGHS]
I'm thinkin', I'm thinkin'.

You keep thinkin', too.

Okay, bye.

Oh, hi, Minerva.

I'm exhausted.

I've been
on a hunt all day.

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

Chasing after
a poor, little fox.

Little?

Sir Reginald is 6'3".

And he is foxy.

[CHUCKLES]

You want some coffee?

Absolutely, darling.

Oh, hi, Minerva.
Hi, Nancy.

I didn't hear
the doorbell ring.

Of course I never do
when you come.

I just love
these gossip columns.

"What girl was seen
with what guy

in what hotel

"while her husband
was in what restaurant

with what starlet
with what on his mind?"

What?
I've got it.

Renee Cummings.

No--No, Renee Cummings
wrote the column.

I know, I know. I think
I found the perfect person

to take over
Paul's show.

Hey, I have a terrific
replacement for Paul.

Who is he?

It's not a he,
it's a she. Renee Cummings.

The Hollywood
gossip columnist?

That's right.
She's syndicated

in over 500 newspapers.

She's pretty,

and--and she does
a really great interview.

I think
she'd be sensational.

But can we get her?
We've got her.

I spoke to her agent,
and she'll work

for the same money
Paul was getting.

All you have to do
is approve the deal.

I approve it,
I approve it.

When do we meet her?
Well, why not tonight?

I can invite her
to Paul's party.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Shh. Be real quiet.

It's Marvin.
Hi, come on in.

Hi, Tab.
Hi, Nancy, Adam.

I'm sorry I'm late.
But they lost our cake,

and this is the only
one they had left.

"Happy bar mitzvah, Warren"?

Think Paul will mind?

Not as much as Warren.

Adam, save me one of those.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Oh, that must be Paul.

Hi. I'm Renee Cummings.

And this is Killer Cummings.

I think all animals
should have last names, too.

Oh, hi,
I'm Tabitha Stephens.

Hi, Killer.

[barking]

Oh, he's just
being friendly.

Come on in.

Everyone,
this is Renee Cummings.

She's, uh,
Paul's replacement.

And this is Killer.

Oh.

Be careful,
he's very friendly.

Good boy.

Oh, what
a quaint apartment.

I remember I lived
in something very similar

when I first started out
in the business.

What do you do
on the show, Tabitha?

Well, you might say
I do a little bit of this,

and a little bit of that,
and a lot of everything.

Good.

Then if something
goes wrong,

I'll know
who to blame.

[all laughing]

I beg your pardon!

Oh, I'm sorry,
but you were

in my landing path.

What?
Uh, Renee,

this is my Aunt Minerva.

Minerva,
this is Renee Cummings.

Oh, I loved
your column today.

Oh, and I just
love your outfit.

I didn't know
this was a costume party.

It isn't.

You mean, you wear that
in real life?

Well, I'm not as
fortunate as you

to be able to wear
off-the-rack clothing

and get away with it.

Almost.

[knocking on door]

Oh, okay, everybody.

For he's a jolly
good fellow.

♪ For he's a jolly
Good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly
Good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly
Good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

Uh, you're such
terrific friends.

I just want to say that

you're all
really wonderful.

I'm going to
miss you all.

Oh.

[ALL CLAPPING]

Paul, I'd like you
to meet Renee Cummings.

Renee, this is Paul Thurston.

She'll be taking over
your show.

Oh, terrific.
I've heard a lot about you.

And I've heard a lot
about you, too, Paul.

You're lucky
I haven't printed it.

I think, uh,
we should toast.

Let's toast, yes.

Paul, I'd like to say,
for myself,

that it's been fun,
personally and professionally.

How much fun
personally?

How would you like your tongue
shipped to Cleveland?

And here's
a toast to Renee.

Success.

May the show be
the fun and pleasure for us

that it's always been.

In other words,
here's to a miracle.

I'll drink to that.

That sure was
a terrific party.

It really was.

Why don't I stick around
and help you clean up?

Well, thanks, Paul,
but there's really

not that much to do.

Oh, but you threw me
this wonderful party.

The least I can do is

help you wash the dishes
and the silverware.

Well, they are paper plates
and plastic forks.

Well, somebody's gotta
fold them and throw them out.

Yeah, well, why don't you
stay and help me do that?

Yeah,
why don't I do that?

Good, we'll, uh,
we'll--we'll do that.

Later.

Ow-ow.
Ow.

Sorry.

Well, uh, first,
I think, we should...

[CLEARS THROAT]

...say goodbye.

Bye, Paul.

How I, uh,

hate standing goodbyes.

So this is going to be
a comfortable goodbye, huh?

Well, you know,
they're the most fun.

[SIGHS]

I'm sure gonna
miss you, Tab.

Oh, Paul,
you haven't left yet.

A part of me has.

I sent my luggage ahead.

You know, you've got
gorgeous eyes.

Why don't I get
the light out of them?

You know, this is
our last night together.

Tomorrow, I climb on that
big iron bird and I'm gone.

You know, I--I think I'm just
beginning to realize that

you're not going to be
around anymore.

I'm glad you're finally
starting to realize that.

Well, we've really had
some good times together.

[CHUCKLES]
We sure have.

You remember the time
we--we gave that beach party,

and--and we were
playing volleyball,

and it started to rain. We kept
playing anyway, remember?

Yeah.

Who could
forget that?

And--And you thought

that your nose was broken
when--when the ball

hit you in the face.

It sure is fun going
down memory lane with you.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Why--Why don't I get
the, uh, picture album?

Uh.

[GRUNTS]

Enough of
the old memories, Tab,

why don't we make
some new memories?

[EXCLAIMS]

Um.

Try knocking
next time, Nancy.

Oh, I--I left you
with all this mess.

Um,

well, I-I'm not
leavin' this place

un-until
it is all cleaned up.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, that's
very nice, Michael.

You certainly are a master
when it comes to hair.

Why shouldn't I be?
Hair is my life.

Oh, Tabitha, can I speak
to you for a second?

Oh, sure.

These questions you wrote
for my guest are terrific.

Well, thanks.

Well, you certainly
put a--a lot of work into it,

and I appreciate it.

Well, I'm just
trying to do my job.

And you do it so well.

I only wish

some of the other members of
the staff would do the same.

What do you mean?

Well, you know
how I hate to name names.

But what producer
of what TV show

starring what Hollywood
gossip columnist

doesn't do what
he's being paid to do?

Are you talking
about Marvin?

I'm afraid so.

He's just
totally incompetent.

I don't like the set,
my dressing room,

the lack of publicity,
even my parking space.

Uh, well, Renee, I can talk
to him if you'd like.

Oh, no, dear,
that won't be necessary

as long as I have you.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

Hi, Renee,
everything all right?

Well, not really.
What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.
You're a very busy man.

There's no reason
to bother you with this.

But I'm the producer.

If there's something wrong,
I want to know about it.

Well, these questions
that Tabitha wrote,

well, how can I put it?

They're just the pits.
But I happen to know

she did a lot of
research on them.

Oh, let's face it, Marvin.

The girl is a hack.

I can pick anyone
off the street,

and they'd write better
questions than those.

She just
can't cut it, Marvin.

I'm really surprised
you feel this way

because Tabitha is
one of the best workers

we have around here.

Listen,
I'll look into it.

Oh, don't bother, Marvin.

I--I don't wanna
rock the boat.

We're just one
big, happy family.

[CHUCKLES]

Sure.

Oh...

I knew you were good at
putting the knife in, darling,

but you're even better
at turning it.

[CHUCKLES]

Listen, Tab, I gotta--
Oh, Marv, can I talk

to you for a sec--

You first.
No, no, you first.

BOTH:
Renee hates you.

She told you
that about me?

Well, she told me
that about you.

That's perfect, Michael.
I like it.

Michael,
what did you do?

Nothing,
it did itself!

RENEE:
Well, get rid of it!

Can't you
comb out my hair?

I certainly
pay you enough!

Of course.

We're ready for you
on the set, Renee.

I can't go on
like this.

I look ridiculous.

[SIGHS]

There. I did it myself.

What do I need you for?

Why don't you
fire her?

We can't.
She's got a contract.

Oh, allow me.

I'll fire her.

To Hong Kong.

Minerva, you know
I'm for cannon control.

Boy, would I love
to have Paul back.

But I'm sure he's crazy
about his new job.

Oh, I have a feeling
he might be more interested

in coming back
than you think.

Uh, if the right
person asks him.

Well, the right person
is gonna ask him.

Thanks, Minerva.

See you later.

Wait a minute!
You forgot your copilot!

[♪♪♪]

Testing, 1, 2, 3.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.

Oh, my ears,
they're still stopped up.

Who asked you
to fly at 50,000 feet?

Show off.

TABITHA:
Hi, Paul.

Uh, no autographs
please now, I'm busy.

Tab?

Minerva, what are you--
What are you guys doing here?

Well, you said if I was
ever in New York, uh,

to be sure
and pop in.

Oh, right, yeah,

but I'm going on the air
in a few minutes.

We really miss you, Paul.

Oh, I know,
I--I--I miss you, too.

It's Renee.

She's impossible
to work with.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Tab,

but there's nothing
I can do about that.

Uh, look, why don't you wait
in my dressing room,

and we'll talk
about it later.

You could come back.

[CHUCKLES]
What, are you kidding?

And give up all I have here,
my own show?

I'd have to be crazy.

Oh, we're ready
for you, Paul.

Oh, thanks, Tony.

Look, why don't you wait
in my dressing room,

and after the show,
uh, I'll take you

both out to dinner.

Oh, Paul, can't--Can't
we stay here and watch?

I'd love to see how
a network game show works.

Paul!

Would you wait
right over there?

Uh, please, uh...

Now, which will it be?

The curtain on my left?

Or the curtain
on my right?

Just a moment.
Before you decide,

our backstage
announcer is going to let

the at-home audience know

just what's
in store for you.

What Mrs. Walker
doesn't know

is that behind
the left curtain

is a pile of
fabulous gifts.

And behind
the right curtain

is 300 pounds of
chemical fertilizer.

HOST:
Well, Mrs. Walker?

Ohhh, I just can't
make a decision.

Uh, Mrs. Walker,

uh, the curtain on the left
or the curtain on the right?

I don't know,
I don't know.

Uh, Paul, uh,

maybe we should wait
in your dressing room.

Oh, it's the one

next to the one
with the star

on the door.

[BELL RINGING]
HOST: Congratulations,

Mrs. Walker, you have won!

You have chosen
curtain number 1!

[ALL APPLAUDING]
[MRS. WALKER EXCLAIMS]

Mrs. Walker has picked
the left curtain.

And she wins
a microwave oven, a stainless

steel service for 12

including lobster forks,

and 2 round-trip tickets
to Germantown, Pennsylvania,

for their annual
Knockwurst Festival.

Congratulations,
Mrs. Walker!

You have indeed
Made a Pile.

[ALL APPLAUDING]

[♪♪♪]

I was just filling in for
the real backstage announcer

who's sick with, um, um,

he's, uh, well,
he-he is sick.

-I understand, Paul.
-Me, too.

I mean, we do that
for each other, it's...

Well, it's all
very complicated.

You have to be a part of it
to really understand it.

Right, Paul.

Uh, absolutely, Paul.

I mean, all of this,
it's, uh, just temporary.

You know, it's, uh...

I take over the show
very shortly now.

My agent's
working it all out.

It's all being
worked out by my agent. Yup.

[SIGHS]

By the way,
tell me, what airline

did you girls take?

Maybe we can...

[CLEARING THROAT]
fly back together.

So when Tabitha told me
what a creep Renee was,

I told those
Make a Pile people:

"Paul Thurston
is quitting."

I mean, I stand by
my friends.

Gee, that's terrific, Paul,
but we can't take you back.

Why can't we?

You know, Renee Cummings
has a one-year contract.

It's unbreakable.

Thanks, Adam.
W-wait a second.

Now, Renee's contract says
that she's hired for one year

as the host of
an interview show, right?

Right.

Well, that doesn't mean there
can't be a co-host, does it?

That's a terrific idea,
Tabitha.

Who's gonna tell Renee?

Who suggested Renee?

Are you crazy?

I'm not sharing my show

with some
backstage announcer.

I'm calling my agent
and my lawyer.

I've already
spoken to them, Renee.

And there's nothing
in the contract

that says you must
do the show alone.

So, it's either
a co-host or, um...

All right. It's co-host.

[DOG BARKING]

Don't worry, Killer.

Mommy will get him.

Good evening,
everybody,

and welcome to
The Renee Cummings Show.

And The Paul Thurston Show.

Heh. Tonight,
my guest is a man

loved by all
who know him.

He's had his own
children's TV show

for the past 25 years.

And I'm proud to have him
on my show tonight.

Our show.

Welcome, Ducky Roberts.

Oh...
Quacker doodles, Renee.

It's a pleasure
to be on your show.

Heh. And your show!

Ducky, you've been on
a lot of interview programs.

Quack, quack.

And people know almost
everything about you.

Well, flipetty feathers,
Renee.

♪ I'm just like Dick and Jane
Quack, quack ♪

♪ My life's an open book
Quack, quack ♪

[GIGGLING]

I said, almost everything.

There's a few things
they don't know.

Like the fact that
you spent time in jail.

DUCKY:
Wait a minute, Renee.

No, Quacker doodles.

You didn't pay
your alimony, did you?

W-Well, I was working then,
I was sick.

Sick? Heh. Relaxing.

Playing golf
in Palm Springs.

I was recuperating
from pneumonia.

I coughed my way
around 18 holes a day.

Oh, Ducky.

I've seen your X-rays.

[GIGGLING]

Boy, are her claws
sharp tonight?

Really.

Why not let
the whole cat out of the bag?

DUCKY:
It's not fair to bring up

just part of the story.

DUCKY:
I wasn't working then.

If cat you are,
then cat you'll be

with claws and meows,

and at the end,
up a tree.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

[ZAPS]

Meow.

Meow.

It just so happens

that after I recovered
from pneumonia,

I paid up all
my back alimony.

With money that you made
from gambling?

Black Jack
with the kitties? Meow.

Uh-huh.

No, with money I made

working on
The Quacker Doodles Show.

Meow. Meow.

Did she just meow?
I heard it, too.

You know, she's really
been acting kind of strange.

Maybe you should
keep the camera on Paul.

Meow.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, uh, well, folks,
I think while

Renee's having
some refreshments,

maybe we can get Ducky
to tell us

about his many
unpublicized visits

to children's hospitals.

[PURRING]

Children's... Paul.

Quacker doodles, Paul.

You shouldn't
have brought that up.

Quack, quack.

[PURRING]

Keep the camera up.

MARVIN:
Up.

[SQUEAKING]

[BARKING]

[HISSING]

[CHUCKLES INCREDULOUSLY]

Well, folks, I think
Renee is slightly overworked.

Maybe she could use a vacation
of Palm Springs. Heh.

Well, Ducky,
if it's all right with you,

I think we can continue

our little man-to-duck talk

on The Paul Thurston Show.

Sure, Farmer Paul.

Quacker doodles!

It's your barnyard!

[DUCKY GIGGLING]

[RENEE HISSING]

[KILLER BARKING]

I just don't understand
what happened to her.

Marv, have we got a ladder?

I have the feeling
we're gonna need one

to get Renee
out of the tree.

Tabitha,

what kind of questions
did you write for me?

"How did you make
a million dollars

on a $5 investment?"

"How did you teach your
2-month old baby to swim?"

You call these
interesting?

Yes, I call
those interesting.

Me, too.

Now that we've got
business squared away,

let's get
to the pleasure.

Why don't we go
out tonight

and make up for all the lost
time when I was in New York?

Paul, you were
only gone a week.

Yes, but a week away
from you is like a year.

That's really corny.

You didn't think it was corny
on your living room floor.

[CHUCKLES]

♪ It could be magic ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ It could be magic ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ Make me fly ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, honey ♪

♪ I'm sure gonna try ♪

♪ Oh, it could be magic ♪