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1
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:08,209
Hello, my fellow Americans.
2
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,178
Hey.
Fawz, you're back
from Iraq.
3
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:12,046
I thought you were supposed
to be back a week ago.
4
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,082
Well, that was the plan,
but as you might have heard,
5
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,816
they've made it
a little bit harder
6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,652
for people like me
to get back into the country.
7
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,055
You're the one
who voted for him.
8
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,490
I'm not complaining.
9
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,193
I just spent a glorious weekend
in the Baghdad airport
10
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:28,496
living off of Cinnabons and
duty-free peppermint schnapps.
11
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:32,133
Well, I'm glad
you're back. (groans)
12
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,835
Did you, uh, bring
me a souvenir?
13
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,537
Snow globe? T-shirt?
14
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:39,273
Some of those delicious
Kurds I keep hearing about?
15
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:44,078
First of all,
Kurds are people.
16
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:45,613
And, no, I got you
something better.
17
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,548
Try it on.
Oh.
18
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,083
Thanks, buddy.
19
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,184
What are those?
20
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,586
Oh, I'm taking the
SATs next weekend.
RANDY:
Yup.
21
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,556
Franco's been working really
hard at applying to college.
22
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:59,760
And not getting me that donut
I ordered five minutes ago.
23
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,129
Oh, my bad, Randy.
24
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,863
You know, I might be
too old for college,
25
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,233
but the good news is
that I hit that sweet spot
26
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,101
where I get to hit on
faculty and students.
27
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:11,272
Oh, yes, a young black man
who works at a donut shop
28
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:14,275
and spends thousands of
dollars on an art degree.
29
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,577
Sounds like a
sad documentary.
30
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,847
You know, I'm starting
to warm up to that travel ban.
31
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,185
Guess who's got
two arthritic thumbs
32
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,487
and just bought a boat?
This guy.
33
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,788
Ow.
34
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,223
RANDY:
Wow.
35
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,725
All these years
of talking about a boat,
36
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,427
and you finally got one.
Yeah.
37
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,563
Never thought
I'd see the day.
Well,
38
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,399
place has been doing very well
ever since I hired Franco here.
39
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,268
Yeah, so instead of
putting those profits
40
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:43,404
into getting me a raise...
I bought a boat!
41
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,739
Hey, come on. You're the one
that's always telling me
42
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,908
to get out and enjoy
my golden years.
43
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,410
You're right, yeah.
I think it's dope.
44
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,279
Oh, I bought it at
a police auction,
45
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,913
and it was
filled with dope.
46
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,917
Oh, man, I would have bought
that dope and left the boat.
47
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,287
Okay, here I come.
48
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,523
I love it.
49
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:03,924
I think I'll go stand outside,
50
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,627
see what the breeze
has in store for me.
51
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,302
Ugh.
52
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:17,205
That poor breeze.
53
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:20,174
So, is that what men wear
in Iraq?
54
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:21,475
Actually, I forgot
to get him something,
55
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,411
so I picked that up
at the airport Chico's.
56
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,347
My wife got one for herself.
57
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,950
Tush wears it better.
58
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,152
*
59
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:38,826
Damn! These SAT questions
weren't designed
60
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,728
for dudes who grew up
in the hood.
61
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,296
Yeah, look at
this math problem
62
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,198
about the fastest
schooner in the regatta.
63
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:44,965
What's a schooner?
64
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,235
What the hell's a regatta?
65
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,569
It's a yacht race.
66
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,238
Then call it
a damn yacht race!
67
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:52,606
Man, Chicago public schools--
68
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:53,841
they ain't prep us
for this, man.
69
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,309
Our science books were so old,
70
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:58,879
we had a table of elements.
71
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,548
That's what
I'm talking about, man.
72
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,416
You know Chance The Rapper
donated one million dollars
73
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,651
to the Chicago
school system?
74
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:04,585
You know things are messed up
75
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,387
when the rappers
have to save the schools.
76
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,688
Yeah.
77
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:10,691
You know, Franco, they do
have SAT prep courses.
78
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,360
Yeah, but those things
are crazy expensive, Randy,
79
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,262
and it ain't like
I got boat money.
80
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,232
Well, I could text
you the name of one
81
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,400
that's pretty reasonable.
82
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,401
My daughter took it.
83
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:21,702
And she got into Northwestern.
84
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,371
And now she's gonna be
a pediatrician
85
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,339
helping premature babies.
86
00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:29,277
I think she was inspired
by watching me with her dad.
87
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,745
Thanks, Randy,
I'll check it out.
88
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,414
You know, Franco,
if that doesn't work,
89
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,283
you can always sleep
with the dean.
90
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:38,286
That's how I got into
the welding academy.
91
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:41,889
Let's just say I
got a full ride
92
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,425
and so did she.
93
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,629
You know, it's gonna
cost me $2,200
94
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,332
to dock my boat
in Burnham Harbor.
95
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:54,268
Maybe your Mr. The Rapper can
give me the money for that.
96
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,505
Hey, kid, we got a customer.
97
00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,874
See if you can sell her
$2,200 worth of donuts.
98
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,543
Hi.
99
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,413
Um, uh, good morning.
Uh, what can I get you?
100
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,914
Uh, what are you known for?
101
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,583
Well, people do say I have an
exquisite set of cheekbones.
102
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,285
Mm.
103
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,119
I bet they do.
104
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,622
But I-I was talking
about the donuts.
105
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,590
Oh, right, right, 'cause
we're in a donut shop, right.
106
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:18,392
(laughs)
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I know just the one.
107
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:21,495
* Our maple cream
for the lady. *
108
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,769
You know, he's
busy. I'll get it.
109
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:32,640
Ooh, this place has
such a great vibe.
110
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,475
It's like IHOP meets Studio 54.
111
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:35,443
Then they end up
sleeping together
112
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:38,579
and having a little
Superior Donuts baby.
113
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,382
Yeah, we get that
all the time.
Really?
114
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:42,249
Course not. That's
crazy as hell. Here.
115
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:46,454
So, how long have you
been in business?
116
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,456
Arthur's owned
this shop since 1870.
117
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,459
That would be 1970.
118
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:52,860
You're a neighborhood
institution.
119
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,061
What's your secret?
120
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,530
Well, for starters, I make the
best damn donuts in Chicago.
121
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:57,765
Damn right.
122
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,932
Plus we have
the perfect location.
123
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,334
We get the commuters
from the "L,"
124
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,935
and we get the Cubs fans
from Wrigley,
125
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,472
and the stoners
from the weed dispensary.
126
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:07,040
Don't forget the quitters
from Weight Watchers.
127
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,043
That's genius.
128
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,679
Okay, well,
thanks for the donut.
129
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,847
Um, I'm Sofia,
by the way.
130
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,449
I'm Franco.
Okay.
131
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,351
Oh, I just moved
into the neighborhood,
132
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,652
so, I-I'm sure
I'll see you around.
133
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:19,787
Okay.
134
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,622
You got the door?
135
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,957
She already had it.
136
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,360
Looks like someone
made a new friend.
Yeah.
137
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,128
Hey, I pay you to
work, not to flirt.
138
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,830
I can multitask.
139
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,399
You saw her, she was nice.
140
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,633
And it's hard
to resist all this.
141
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,134
Yeah.
142
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,869
All 98 pounds of you.
143
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,540
What the hell is that?
144
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,575
Well, I'm no expert,
but it appears to be
145
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,711
a food truck.
146
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,546
"Home of the organic
breakfast bowl."
147
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,481
Ah! Food truck!
148
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,149
He's parking right
in front of our shop.
149
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,418
He can't do that.
150
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,485
I agree, Arthur.
151
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:52,753
It's presumptuous,
152
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,389
egregious, audacious.
153
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:58,892
Just say it's wack, man.
154
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,995
Hey, hey. There's no way
you can park here, pal.
155
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,431
Yeah.
156
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,999
It was a tight squeeze,
but I made it, buddy.
157
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,701
No, no, no, no.
158
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:10,538
I-I-I-I think what he means
is you shouldn't park here.
159
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,005
You know, like, right in front
of the shop.
160
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,675
But you just said this
was the perfect location.
161
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,446
It's called small talk,
not use-against-me-later talk.
162
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,414
Hey, look, you're
selling breakfast food.
163
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,549
That's my business.
164
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,585
No, actually, I think we have
very different clientele.
165
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:27,187
I cater to people who want
socially conscious food choices,
166
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,923
and you cater to people
with emotional issues
167
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:32,192
and a high risk of stroke.
Ooh.
168
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,894
This is Uptown.
169
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:37,197
Nobody's really interested in
your fancy edahamama and icacai.
170
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,532
All right?
171
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,200
Is he having a stroke?
172
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,334
It's hard to tell sometimes.
173
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:44,572
Hey, hey, listen, are you gonna
move this truck or not?
174
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:48,509
Look, I've poured my entire
life savings into this truck
175
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,611
and I really need
to make it work.
176
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,612
Yeah, well, I've been
paying a mortgage
177
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,113
and taxes here
for 47 years.
178
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:56,216
You just can't park here for
free and steal all my customers.
179
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,018
Oh, my God, you're right. I...
180
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,055
Now I can.
181
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,591
Wait a minute.
No.
182
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:04,291
That-that-that
was a dime.
183
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,460
I saw that.
That was a dime.
184
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,602
ARTHUR:
Unbelievable.
185
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,136
Her line is
down the block.
186
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,771
Hey, she just stole
two of my stoners.
187
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:20,741
That's Sheila and Ziggy.
188
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,910
I once saw them
smoking the same joint,
189
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,246
Lady and The Tramp style.
190
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,748
Who is she taking next, huh?
191
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,750
My cops, my bikers,
my construction workers?
192
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,852
Are you sure you're not thinking
of the Village People?
193
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,954
Relax.
194
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,156
Food trucks are just a fad.
195
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,959
No, food trucks means
Uptown has arrived, baby.
196
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,594
Soon, this will be
a paradise
197
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:43,263
of yoga studios
and beard barbers.
198
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:47,668
The streets will be paved with
gold, not syringes and poop.
199
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,136
Where the hell is Franco?
200
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,137
I need him to have
one of those ideas
201
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:53,273
that I hate at first,
but ends up working out.
202
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,676
You told him he could
check out that SAT class
203
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:56,777
that Randy told him about.
204
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,946
I know, but he was supposed
to be here 30 minutes ago.
205
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,281
Ugh. This is brutal.
206
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,850
Ever since James transferred,
207
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:06,520
I'm doing the job
of one and a half cops.
208
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:07,588
Randy, thank God
you're here.
209
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:08,956
Look, I need you to get
rid of that food truck.
210
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,658
Now?
211
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:14,127
Oh, look, I just chased down
a fat, drunk guy with no pants.
212
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,564
I mean, really,
213
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,633
why do fat, drunk guys
never have pants?
214
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:22,235
Do they eat them?
215
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,307
Randy, Randy, Randy,
you got to help me out here.
216
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,677
(stammers) Look,
just write her a ticket.
217
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,613
Look, I'm not gonna deal
with some stupid food truck.
218
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:36,016
This is Chicago, murder
capital of the world.
219
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:39,653
Call me when there's a
head in her deep fryer.
220
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,322
Please! She's
hammering me out there.
Ugh.
221
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,557
All right. Okay, okay.
222
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:44,658
I'll go see what I can do.
223
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:45,659
Thanks.
224
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,628
Ah! I better
go with her.
225
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,697
She's not used to working
without a partner.
226
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:52,833
God forbid she gets in a tussle
with that food truck lady
227
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,067
and I'm not there
to film it.
228
00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,740
All right, Randy.
229
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,342
I got your back.
230
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:05,679
Sunglasses? Really?
231
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:08,682
Classic intimidation tactic.
232
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,184
They have rhinestones
on the sides.
233
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,955
They're my mom's.
234
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,724
Oh, hello, Officer.
235
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,693
Care for a nice, warm,
kale burrito on the house?
236
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:22,362
Uh, Chicago PD
doesn't take bribes.
237
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,198
(laughing)
238
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,368
Look, you can't be here.
239
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,938
You can't be here.
240
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,073
Why not?
Because this street is,
241
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:37,044
uh, not permitted for vehicles
over five tons.
242
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,880
Oh, well, lucky for me,
I top out at 4.8.
243
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,281
Okay.
244
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,783
Well, then I'm gonna need to see
245
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,785
your, uh, fire safety permit.
246
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:47,220
Busted, baby.
247
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,056
(sunglasses shatter)
248
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,324
Okay, here you go.
249
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:54,728
It's my ventilation certificate
and my food storage license.
250
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:57,998
Hey, if you're dying
to write a ticket,
251
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:01,635
I do see a violation
of Code 10-28
252
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:02,670
(quietly):
right there.
253
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,308
What the hell
is a 10-28?
254
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,778
Something about your sign
being too low.
255
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,913
That woman really
knows her stuff.
(snorts)
256
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,414
I can't believe you're
writing me a ticket.
257
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,984
I'm drawing you
a picture of a kitten.
258
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,753
Take it and look mad.
Oh. Yeah.
259
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,089
(snarls)
260
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,025
Hey.
What up?
261
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,760
Where the hell you been?
You're 45 minutes late.
262
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,962
Man, that SAT prep class
was messed up.
263
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,363
Them kids have been
prepping for months.
264
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:33,801
They got tutors and coaches
and mentors.
Yeah, right.
265
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,135
Only mentor I had growing up
was my neighbor, Ricky,
266
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,805
who taught me how
to roll a blunt.
267
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:38,872
Fr-Fr-- I need you to focus.
268
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:39,707
I need you to fo...
And that's another thing, man.
269
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,775
Them kids all
hopped up on drugs.
270
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:42,943
But the kind
that makes you study harder,
271
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,945
not the kind
that makes music better.
272
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,947
Franco.
What?
273
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,448
I need you to get rid
of that food truck.
274
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,150
What do you want me
to do about it?
Talk to her.
275
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,786
Use some of that charm
you think you have. Come on.
276
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,055
Throw out some of those
millennial words of yours,
277
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,691
you know, like, uh,
"fo' shizzle."
278
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,963
First of all, I've never said
that a day in my life.
279
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,464
Okay.
All right?
But don't worry about it.
280
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,833
I got you.
281
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:06,800
Yeah.
282
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,769
Hey, yo, Sofia-- hi.
283
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,306
Yo, I want to apologize for my
cranky old friend in there.
284
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,075
But we all got one, right?
285
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,977
No. My friends
are all pretty much
286
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,146
within 40 years of my own age.
287
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,413
Um...
288
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:24,417
Look, he's just worried you're
gonna drive him out of business.
289
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,153
You know? So, it'd be cool if
you can just take your truck
290
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,056
and park it somewhere else.
291
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,725
I have a permit.
I have every right to be here.
292
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,693
Fo' shizzle.
293
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,497
I'm-a be real with you.
294
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,833
He's been here
his whole life, all right?
295
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,401
All he knows is donuts.
All right?
296
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,370
So he's just worried
you're gonna push him out.
297
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:46,173
Yeah, but does he have to be
so belligerent about it?
298
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,508
That's an SAT word.
I know that one.
299
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,779
Oh, are you going to college?
300
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:52,813
Trying.
301
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,181
I just don't know how
I'm supposed to compete
302
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,515
with these kids
and their fancy-ass
303
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,450
guidance counselors, you know?
304
00:11:57,484 --> 00:12:01,288
At my school, we had a chalk
outline of a guidance counselor.
305
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,791
She was murdered.
306
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:07,027
We had nobody
to talk to about it.
307
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,228
What about your family?
Are they helping?
308
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,529
Are you serious?
309
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,864
You know, my dad once told me,
310
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,199
(low voice):
"Hey, Franco, you know,
311
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,035
college is a waste
of good lottery ticket money."
312
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,904
I know. My parents never
went to college, either.
313
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,840
They came from Colombia and
opened a diner in Wisconsin.
314
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,474
And if they had it their way,
I'd be scrubbing counters
315
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:22,810
till the day I die.
316
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,913
Oh, well, you sure showed them.
317
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,316
But I went anyway.
318
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,918
And now,
I'm running my own business,
319
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,086
and I'm living my dream,
and you can, too.
320
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,087
You know, I'll help you out.
321
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,556
You just have to know
how to work the system.
322
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,125
Man, you right!
Yeah.
323
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,559
You are right, man.
324
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,428
Hey, that system's going down.
325
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:42,896
Boom.
(chuckles)
Yeah.
326
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,564
So-so how do I do that?
327
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,566
With the system?
328
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,235
Well, first, your SAT score's
329
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,903
only one part
of the big picture.
330
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,905
Have you done any internships?
331
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,907
Oh, I, you know,
I can't exactly afford
332
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,809
to work for free at the moment.
333
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,078
Or ever.
334
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,180
How about community service?
335
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,950
Does court-mandated count?
336
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:03,917
Letter of reference.
337
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,086
Do you know anyone important?
338
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,955
Oh, yeah. Okay,
my unc-my uncle Donnie
339
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,356
once did PCP back in the day,
340
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,859
and now he thinks
he's the mayor, so...
341
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:16,529
You know, a lot of successful
people never went to college.
342
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,433
Ah, look at him. He's giving her
the business. Ha.
343
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,468
He's a real team player,
that kid, huh?
344
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,702
That's why I hired him.
345
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,373
I thought it was because you
couldn't open the sprinkle jar.
346
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:31,044
Remember, you kept calling it
a whore, and a son of a bitch?
347
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,613
How did it go?
348
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,747
Not great.
349
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,850
She made me realize the only way
I'm getting into college
350
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:39,987
is if I die, and they use
my body in science class.
351
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,554
No, I'm talking about the truck.
352
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,890
Is she gonna move the truck?
353
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,324
I don't know, man.
354
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,592
Why should she have to?
355
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:48,996
She's just some poor Colombian
woman trying to make a living.
356
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,063
Whose side are you on?
357
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:51,999
Don't you see she's gonna
put me out of business?
358
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:55,035
I-If she does, Arthur, I want
you to know I will be there.
359
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,070
To buy this place at
30% of market value.
360
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:58,371
Ugh...
361
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:02,142
I actually thought
you were helping me out there.
362
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,912
You're off your game, kid,
and it's not just her.
363
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,546
It's all this college crap.
364
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,181
"Crap"?
365
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,883
What the hell is wrong with you?
366
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,318
This is my future
we're talking about.
367
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,153
Well, I'm worried
about my future, too.
368
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,922
Yeah, but you got
a lot less of it.
369
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,058
Well, obviously,
you don't have my back.
370
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,392
You ain't got mine, either.
I don't want yours.
371
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:20,660
I don't want yours.
Fine.
372
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,896
Fine!
373
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,469
Just go!
I'm trying!
374
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:38,045
(spray paint hissing)
375
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,379
Hey!
376
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,417
Arthur, what the hell
are you doing?
377
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:47,054
In a hoodie? You look
like Eminem's grandfather.
378
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,389
You know what,
I'm sending a message.
379
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,059
I wanted to write "Gentrifiers,
get out of Uptown,"
380
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,961
but I ran out of truck.
381
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:56,696
You got to plan it out before
you start tagging, dude.
382
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,698
Besides, your-your Rs
are backwards.
383
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,634
Well, that was gonna
be my thing.
384
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,270
This ain't gonna solve anything.
385
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:04,938
Oh, look who's changing
his tune.
386
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,974
When Starbucks moved in,
who was the first one over there
387
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,375
with a spray can?
Okay.
388
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,077
Yeah, but that was
some gigantic,
389
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,711
faceless corporation, man.
All right?
390
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,313
And Sofia's got a face.
391
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,347
A good one.
392
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,117
Sitting on top of a bunch
of other good stuff.
393
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,718
Fine. You can give up.
394
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,053
But I'm not.
395
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,022
No, come on. Art--
enough. Stop, man!
396
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,056
There's smarter ways to do this.
397
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,657
Give me that back.
398
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:25,725
(siren wailing)
399
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,194
Okay.
400
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,003
FRANCO:
Oh, of course.
401
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:39,472
White guy spends what, uh,
27 minutes in jail?
402
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:42,142
For your information,
it was a terrible ordeal.
403
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,644
Yeah, his blood sugar
got a little bit low,
404
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,647
so we gave him
some peanut butter crackers.
405
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,050
Plus, I got a $200 ticket.
406
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,019
Oh, speaking of which, Sofia
put her truck in the shop
407
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,520
so she can get the paint
scraped off of it.
408
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,188
I told her
you'd pay for that, too.
409
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:56,523
Oh, thanks, traitor.
410
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,158
Just put it
on my tab,
411
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,060
with my boat,
my harbor fee, and...
412
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,028
Relax, man.
413
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,195
Look, we'll figure it out.
414
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:03,430
No, I'll figure it out.
415
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,065
You've already got
one foot out the door.
416
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,034
You still mad
about the college thing, man?
417
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,002
Well, don't worry about it,
'cause I'm not going.
418
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:12,672
What? Why not?
419
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:13,640
Look, the more I looked into it,
420
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:16,043
the more I realized
college ain't for me.
421
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,611
Besides, a lot of successful
people never went to college.
422
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,481
Like Jay-Z. And Basquiat.
And Beyoncé.
423
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,682
See, I don't need college.
424
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,118
Just need a crazy-ass name.
425
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,354
But Franco...
It's cool.
426
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,289
Maybe I'll get around to it,
but right now,
427
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,058
I need to be here.
428
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,060
If I leave Arthur alone, this
week, he's tagging up trucks,
429
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,428
next week, he's pistol-whipping
the mailman.
430
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:40,400
Is this what you want?
431
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,369
What, for him to start
working again? Sure.
432
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,304
Let me rephrase the question.
433
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,374
Is this what you want, idiot?
434
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,209
Well, you heard him.
He doesn't want to go.
435
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,044
That's crap, and you know it.
436
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:53,046
He's just freaking out.
437
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,547
He needs your support.
438
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,183
Yeah, what about me?
I need support.
439
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,584
This isn't about you.
440
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,552
He wants to go to college.
441
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,088
Eh...
And by the way,
442
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,090
you're the one who got him
to apply in the first place.
443
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,224
Yeah, I know, I know.
444
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,226
It's just that I
depend on him now.
445
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,129
And I, uh, I like
having him around.
446
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,064
Aw. That's sweet.
447
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:12,132
Eh...
448
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,233
And so damn selfish.
449
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,301
Oh...
450
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,703
And pathetic for thinking
451
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,539
that the kid's dream
might be to stay here forever.
452
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,208
And also, Arthur, listen...
453
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:24,177
All right, all right, all right.
454
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,217
Here.
455
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,851
Your new work schedule.
456
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:32,919
(exhales)
457
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:36,223
Did you give me a two-hour
lunch break every day?
458
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,624
No, it's not for eating.
459
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,292
You're studying for the SATs.
460
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,228
Thanks.
461
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,095
But I told you, I'm
not going to college.
462
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,863
Oh, like hell you're not.
463
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,598
Come on, it's your dream.
464
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,600
I know you can't afford
those fancy classes,
465
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,503
so... I'm gonna help you study.
466
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:52,605
Word?
467
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:54,874
Lot of words.
468
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:58,411
Welcome to the Arthur
Przybyszewski Academy.
469
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,447
Thanks, man.
All right.
470
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,782
Yeah, thanks.
It's not a charity, you know?
471
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,284
When you're on the clock,
I expect 100% from you.
472
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:05,552
Oh, you're gonna
get 100%.
473
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,120
I'll work my ass off,
so you can get out there
474
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,588
and enjoy that boat.
475
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,257
Yeah, well, I'm gonna
sell that thing. (chuckles)
476
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,758
It's not very enjoyable
if you have to keep
477
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,393
thinking about
how much it costs.
478
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,263
Uh, no. Hey-- no, no, no.
D-Don't sell your boat, man.
479
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,730
That is your dream.
480
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,601
Besides, we're gonna need it.
481
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:24,304
There you go.
482
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,772
Thanks, man, but, yo,
483
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:28,175
shouldn't we put this in
a paper bag or something?
484
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,843
Nah. Prison made me hard.
485
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,512
Come on, relax.
It's a beautiful day.
486
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,514
(engine starts)
487
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,486
You right, man.
488
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,155
You know, I-I got to enjoy
the sun on my face, you know?
489
00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:44,324
The smell of salty sea air.
490
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,792
(inhales sharply)
491
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,228
Oh, wait, that's urine.
Yeah.
492
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:51,531
(horn honks)
493
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:52,799
Hey.
494
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,301
You can't park your boat there.
495
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,502
You are so right.
496
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:56,569
What was I thinking?
497
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,174
(coin clatters)
Now we can.
498
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,444
(whoops)
All right!
499
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,479
(laughing):
All right! Yeah.
500
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,521
So this is another
authentic Iraqi souvenir?
501
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:18,225
Oh, yes. It's a Mesopotamian
fertility neck dress.
502
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,859
Very rare.
503
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,127
Because when you turn it
this way,
504
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,963
it seems like one of those neck
pillows you buy at the airport
505
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,233
to help you sleep on the plane.
506
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:28,235
Oh, my God. It's almost as if
507
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:31,538
my ancestors could
see into the future.
508
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:32,872
I got to go.
509
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,276
Oh, great. You're back.
510
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,978
Don't worry, I parked
in front of the yoga studio.
511
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,881
The owner doesn't spray-paint my
truck or yell "Die, yuppie scum"
512
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,983
at all my customers.
513
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,385
Eh, well, I'm really sorry
about that,
514
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:46,886
but you're still
not welcome here.
515
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:48,355
Oh, come on, please?
I've been jonesing
516
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,222
for one of your maple creams.
517
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:50,757
They're honestly
the best I've ever had.
518
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,559
You're not gonna win me over
with flattery.
519
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,229
You do realize I can still
press charges against you
520
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,897
for vandalizing my truck.
521
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,966
Maple cream for the lady.
522
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,237
See? He's a big old teddy bear.
523
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,872
(chuckles)
Just so you know,
as long as I'm here,
524
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,907
you can hang out
any time you want.
525
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:10,243
Oh, I'm sorry.
(laughs)
526
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,911
I think I gave you
the wrong impression.
527
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,246
I don't date artists.
528
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,847
What? I'm not even
asking you out.
529
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,749
Good, because no.
530
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:19,352
I didn't even ask you.
531
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,521
And back up:
why-why don't you date artists?
532
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,757
'Cause I've done it before,
and it always ends up the same.
533
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,260
They want to paint me naked.
534
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:30,530
That's just preposterous,
egregious and audacious.
535
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,464
(mouths)
536
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,868
So these artists,
where might I see their work?
537
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,437
(laughs)
538
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:38,605
Thanks for the donut.
539
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:39,972
I'll be back for more.
540
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,041
All right. You can come back
any time you want.
541
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,777
A-And just so you know,
I don't date food truck ladies.
542
00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:48,281
Cool. So we're on the same page.
543
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,784
I thought that would
go different.
544
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:52,985
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
545
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,325
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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