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1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,574
Well, I'm off.
2
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,142
Arthur, put that
on my tab, will you?
3
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:09,077
Oh, you out of
money again?
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,046
No, I've just got it
taped to my stomach.
5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:12,880
What?
6
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,615
Yeah, last week
I was pickpocketed,
7
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,417
and I don't want it
to happen again.
8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,453
But if you insist.
9
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,389
(loud rip, Tush grunts)
10
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,460
Well, actually, it's $1.25.
11
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,629
I think I've got some change.
12
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,764
(grunts)
13
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,201
I hope this is a quarter,
not a nipple.
14
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,768
No, no, no, stop, stop.
15
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:35,769
We'll call it even.
16
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,705
Bless you.
Eh.
17
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,640
Hello.
'Sup?
18
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,110
Randy, my dear friend,
you accidentally
19
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,445
left that ticket on my Mercedes.
20
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,814
Uh, you were parked
in a loading zone.
21
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:51,152
That's because I was loading
my mouth with fro-yo.
22
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:54,188
Sorry, Fawz, the law's the law.
23
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,423
Why don't you just
park in the alley?
24
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:56,424
That spot's always open.
25
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:57,725
No, no, that's my spot.
26
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,193
I'm gonna park
my motorcycle there
27
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,661
when I finally get one.
28
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,563
Then we can park
the hearse there
29
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,099
after you go for
your first ride.
30
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,867
Well, I will
fight this in court!
31
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,868
Well, that'll cost you more.
32
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,104
Then I will pay this today!
33
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,274
Hey, Randy, you
let people park
34
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:14,875
in that loading
zone all the time.
35
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,278
Yeah, well, not this week.
36
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,180
They're having a contest
down at the station
37
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,315
to see who can write
the most tickets,
38
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:23,551
and the pot is up
to 800 bucks.
39
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,253
Whoa.
You remember,
40
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,687
I got that kid going
to Northwestern.
41
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:32,126
800 bucks? That'll pay for at
least 14 minutes of class.
42
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,295
(Skype ringtone plays)
NADINE:
Hey, baby.
43
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,363
Hey, Honeybutt.
44
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,165
How's the conference going?
45
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,667
Hey, Franco, what'd I tell you
about video telephoning at work?
46
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,602
I-I don't remember,
'cause I started laughing
47
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:44,405
as soon as you said
"video telephoning."
48
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,639
Well, say good-bye
to Honeybutt
49
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,641
and go get a fresh batch
of fritters.
50
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,310
Fine. All right.
51
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,245
Well, I guess
I'll see you later?
52
00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:52,880
Oh, no, no, this is fine.
53
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,216
I can talk to you
and do my job at the same time.
54
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,351
It's called multitasking.
(Nadine laughs)
55
00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:59,587
Well, if that's true,
tell me something.
56
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,889
Can you see my bra
through this shirt?
57
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:02,923
No.
58
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,458
What about now?
59
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,427
Oh, damn! Oh, damn!
60
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:09,763
Damn! Damn!
(grease hissing)
61
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,432
What happened in here?
62
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,467
My computer.
63
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,804
This.
64
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,839
Oh... no.
65
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:19,773
Oh, I'm sorry.
66
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,210
You can use my typewriter
anytime you want.
67
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:25,279
Brand-new ribbon.
68
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,615
*
69
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,655
Damn. It's definitely broken.
70
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:37,191
They said it would cost more
to fix than to buy a new one.
71
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,726
That sucks.
I know.
72
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,794
We've been through
so much together.
73
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,831
Got me through high school,
gave me my first e-mail address,
74
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:46,867
saw me through my
Asian girl phase,
75
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,369
my big-butt phase,
76
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,904
my big-butt Asian girl phase.
77
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:53,541
Who knows where you
would have taken me next?
78
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,544
Long-haul lady truckers.
79
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,249
Man, I was gonna apply to art
school with that computer.
80
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,216
Where am I gonna
get the money?
81
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,884
How much you got in
your savings account?
82
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:07,321
About 40 grand,
but I'm saving up for a yacht.
83
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:08,322
Well, that doesn't
seem like a...
84
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:08,989
I don't have a savings account,
85
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:09,990
all right?
86
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,525
They charge $20
87
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,227
every time
your balance goes below $200.
88
00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:15,929
And right now my balance is...
89
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,299
nine.
90
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,733
You really should save
some money.
91
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,702
How? I make minimum wage.
92
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:24,238
You know, minimum wage
is not a livable wage.
93
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,706
And I know that from experience,
94
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,609
because I chanted it
at a Bernie rally.
95
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:31,645
Listen, Frank, I wish I could
pay you more than minimum wage,
96
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,614
but, uh, I afraid
that's all I can afford.
97
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,516
Dude, I'm not asking
for a raise, all right?
98
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,286
I just, uh... I guess
I got to find a second job.
99
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:41,289
But lucky for you,
I've got more gigs
100
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:43,457
coming in than I can handle.
101
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:47,361
How do you feel about
digging pet graves?
102
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:49,830
Franco,
I'm looking to hire
103
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,799
a part-time assistant
to work nights.
104
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,668
What kind of pets
we talking about?
105
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,270
No, come on,
you don't need another job.
106
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,306
All you need to do is learn
to live on what you make.
107
00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,473
You got a budget?
108
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,409
Yeah, I keep it down
in my condo in Florida.
109
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,876
No, I don't have a budget.
110
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,714
I'm 25. My budget is
breakfast, lunch or dinner.
111
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,581
I'm gonna make one up for you.
You'll see.
112
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:08,582
If you're smart
with your money, you can
113
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,684
definitely support
yourself on minimum wage.
114
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:11,619
Mm-hmm.
115
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,654
All right, but if
you change your mind,
116
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,023
I have to bury a
zoo bear tonight.
117
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,728
Definitely a
two-man operation.
118
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,734
Damn this city.
119
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:27,835
What's wrong?
120
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,638
Nobody's breaking the law.
121
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:33,307
How am I supposed
to win this contest
122
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,043
if I can't write any tickets?
123
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,512
Ah, look at this guy.
124
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,882
He just parked legally,
fed the meter.
125
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:45,353
Now he's feeding
someone else's meter.
126
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,656
What a little bitch.
127
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:50,758
Here, let's see.
128
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,362
Actually, I see
three violations.
129
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:55,463
Where?
130
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,698
Well, there's unlawful
obstruction of a gas meter,
131
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,467
consumption of food
or drink on a bus,
132
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,736
and improper number of
riders on a bicycle.
133
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,572
Wow.
134
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,441
Did you memorize
every single code in the book?
135
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,577
(laughing):
Of course.
136
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,014
You-you...
you didn't?
137
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:17,451
No. I'm attractive,
and people like me.
138
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:22,055
Now come on. I got
money to win.
139
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,323
Hey, kid, all done
with your budget.
140
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:26,527
And you'll be happy to know I
found a way to make it all work.
141
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,061
All right, cool.
142
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:31,699
Wait. $40 a week for food?
143
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,967
That's pretty high, huh?
Uh...
144
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,437
How am I gonna eat on $40?!
145
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:37,538
Well, just do what I do.
146
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:40,841
Every weekend, I fry up
two pounds of ground beef.
147
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,943
Sunday is Taco Night.
148
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,945
Monday, it's Sloppy Joes.
149
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,881
Tuesday, it's
spaghetti. (laughs)
150
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,450
Wednesday, it's Fiesta Night!
151
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:50,784
Wait. Wait. Isn't that
just Taco Night again?
152
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,886
Sí, señor.
153
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,523
Damn it! Randy just
wrote me a ticket
154
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,826
for giving my wife a ride
on my bicycle!
155
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,127
Look, Arthur, look, I appreciate
156
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,430
you making this budget, man,
but, uh, I'm young.
157
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,832
I want to have fun
every once in a while.
158
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,567
Yeah, well, sometimes
you have to make choices.
159
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,101
Besides, there's fun in there.
160
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:11,138
You get to fry up
ground beef all weekend.
161
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,442
Fawz, look, are you still
looking for a new assistant?
162
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,576
'Cause I can
163
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,645
start there as soon as I'm done
with my shift over here.
164
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,547
Great.
165
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,615
No, wait. Wait a minute.
Are you crazy?
166
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,584
You can't work for Fawz.
You know what he is.
167
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,553
Yeah, he's a greedy,
ruthless capitalist
168
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,521
who would bleed people dry
to make a buck.
169
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,523
Maya, stop!
170
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,158
I'm blushing.
171
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:34,194
Hey, believe me, kid.
Uh-uh, don't do that.
172
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,564
Oh, you're offering me
a raise?
No...
173
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,466
Then don't tell me
I can't take a second job.
174
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,734
Right now
Fawz is my only choice.
175
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,603
So, hey, when can I start?
176
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:45,105
Hey, come by the dry cleaners
when you're done here.
177
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,807
We can discuss
the terms.
All right.
178
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,442
Now, if you'll excuse me,
179
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:51,111
I'm gonna go fire
my current assistant.
180
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,781
Hey, Francisco, you're fired!
181
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,617
Right after you drive me
to lunch.
182
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:57,951
Oh, this is gonna be
a long ride.
183
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,152
I should've
thought this through.
184
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,532
Welcome to Fawz headquarters.
185
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,901
Oh, this is pretty
disappointing, man.
186
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,569
I thought your office
would be underground
187
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,738
and filled with evil henchman
and crocodiles.
188
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,239
I know it doesn't
look like much,
189
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,942
but first rule of business:
keep your overhead low.
190
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,077
Besides, it has
everything I need--
191
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,581
a phone, a desk,
and it's quiet.
192
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,117
(rattling)
193
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,819
You get used to it!
What?!
194
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:34,688
You get used to it!
195
00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:36,590
Yo, thanks for
the opportunity, dude.
196
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,493
Franco, I came to America
197
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:44,197
with three dollars
and this eagle.
198
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:47,167
And I built all this
from nothing.
199
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,871
And because I came from nothing,
I'm very good to my employees.
200
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,239
Have a seat.
Cool.
201
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,707
Would you like some tea?
202
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:54,708
Yeah, sure.
203
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,744
(speaking Arabic)
204
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:02,115
(speaking Arabic)
205
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,651
(Fawz speaking Arabic)
206
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,957
My mother-in-law.
207
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,625
All right, cool, man.
208
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,594
Um, so what would I have to do?
209
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,529
Well, at first,
you can drive me around,
210
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:16,930
maybe run some errands.
211
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,767
But the more you learn,
the more I'll give you to do.
212
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,034
You'll be my right-hand man.
213
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,603
Word? All right, okay.
214
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:23,704
So, what about the pay?
215
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:24,872
Ah. (laughs)
216
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,674
Open for negotiation.
217
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,542
Tell me...
218
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,877
what does
Arthur pay you?
219
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,679
$10.50 an hour.
(imitates buzzer)
220
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:35,082
First lesson-- never
reveal your current salary.
221
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,785
Now I could offer you
$10.75, and you'd take it.
222
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,620
I'll take it.
(imitates buzzer)
223
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:43,056
Now you counter-offer,
but when you do, go high.
224
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,324
$20 an hour.
225
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,726
(laughs)
226
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,027
Opening with a joke.
227
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,328
Very good.
228
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,730
All right, $15.
229
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:50,931
(imitates buzzer)
230
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,065
I never responded!
231
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,902
Never negotiate
against yourself.
232
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:58,672
And always be willing
to walk away, like so.
233
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,914
Fawz? Fawz, is that a yes?
234
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:10,350
That's a no!
235
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,320
Always keep them
on their toes.
236
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,222
$13, my final offer.
237
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,323
$13.50.
Done.
238
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,991
All right.
And one more thing.
239
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,594
Mm-hmm.
You're gonna work for me,
you have to wear a suit.
240
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:21,729
We run a classy
operation here.
241
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,597
Man, I ain't got money
to buy a suit.
242
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,599
Not a problem.
What are you-- a 34 short?
243
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:26,800
Mm-hmm.
244
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,376
There you go.
All right.
245
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,178
Won't they need this back?
246
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:41,181
Uh... not until Thursday.
247
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:48,856
Randy, you are so
gonna win this contest.
248
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,624
I just gave a guy a ticket
for loitering.
249
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,993
He threw it on the ground.
I gave him one for littering.
250
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:56,063
Wow. You are on fire.
251
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,198
Get back out there
and beat your record.
252
00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,967
Okay. Well, wait a minute.
253
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,368
Why aren't you out there?
254
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,004
'Cause you're doing
such a great job.
255
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,239
You know, if I'm gonna do
all the work,
256
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,208
maybe I'll just enter
the contest myself.
257
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,644
Oh, no, you can't do that.
We're partners.
258
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:13,681
Yeah? Well, you weren't gonna
share the money with me.
259
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,816
Well,
what do you need money for?
260
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,351
Your next trip to Comic-Con?
261
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,420
Or, uh, Star Trek-Con?
262
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,390
Or Virgin-Con?
263
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,225
Oh, I'm just kidding.
264
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,695
They're all virgin-cons.
265
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,262
Well, good luck, okay?
266
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:32,399
Because no one knows their way
around the penal code like I do.
267
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,901
I'm the penal master.
The penal...
268
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,268
Stop saying "penal."
269
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,773
Until I can get my body cam on.
Go.
270
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,977
What's up, y'all?
ARTHUR:
Oh!
271
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:46,446
You survived your first
night with Fawz, huh?
272
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,748
I want all the gory details.
273
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,750
Uh, don't, don't start.
274
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:52,786
Not until I get a cup of coffee.
275
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,454
God, I wish I still smoked.
276
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,823
Hit me.
277
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,991
(laughs) Actually,
it was pretty interesting.
278
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,827
Fawz is teaching me so much.
279
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:03,430
Well, that was a waste.
280
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,465
Are we talking
about the same Fawz?
281
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,968
Racist, misogynist, sexy?
282
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,904
Uh, I think you mean "sexist"?
283
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:13,406
I really need to get laid.
284
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,243
I'm telling y'all,
Fawz is a smart businessman.
285
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,478
He actually taught me
to negotiate my own salary.
286
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,347
Now I'm making $13.50 an hour.
287
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,816
Wow, Franco, that's great.
288
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,184
How is he able
to pay you all that?
289
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:25,218
Well, he's always thinking
of ways to cut costs
290
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:26,319
so we can bring in more money.
291
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,454
You know, you should talk
to him, man.
292
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:28,388
He could give you some advice
293
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,890
and help you make this place
more efficient.
294
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,060
Good morning, my protégé.
295
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,395
Or should I say, brotégé.
(chuckles)
296
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,131
I brought you a suit
for tonight.
297
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,067
Mr. Yakamora is on a cruise,
298
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:43,871
so you can hold onto this one
for eight more days.
299
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,005
Domo.
300
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,139
Arigato.
301
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:47,975
(laughs)
Hey, look.
302
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,010
Fawz says you have
to dress for the job you want.
303
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:54,147
And apparently I want to be
a tiny Japanese businessman.
304
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,884
Well, if Fawz says so,
it must be true.
305
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,387
Sayonara.
306
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,957
Maybe it's a bald thing.
307
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,993
(clears throat)
308
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,396
Nope, definitely
not a bald thing.
309
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,010
Hey, Tush, what you doing?
310
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,344
I'm rehearsing for my TED Talk.
311
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:27,014
You're doing a TED Talk?
312
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,348
Not the fancy kind.
313
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:32,119
This woman pays me
to talk to her husband, Ted.
314
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,823
He's depressed, I tell him
stories about my life,
315
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,225
and for some reason,
it cheers him up.
316
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,829
Arthur, I need to borrow Franco
for a meeting.
317
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:42,996
I hope that's okay.
318
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,064
Wait, who are we meeting?
319
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,532
The president of Fast Lube.
320
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,067
Oh, that's a big company.
321
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,436
Yeah. If I can get my hand
on those greasy jumpsuits,
322
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:53,040
my bank account will be fatter
than Mahira Moghadam.
323
00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:54,141
(laughs)
324
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,943
She's like the Precious
of Iraq.
325
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:58,545
Oh.
326
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,347
Yo, Arthur, is that cool?
327
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,582
No, it's not cool. We don't
close for another 30 minutes.
328
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,252
Man, come on, Arthur, there's,
like, three people here.
329
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,020
It doesn't matter,
you're still on the clock.
330
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:08,555
Well, I'll come in
early tomorrow, all right?
331
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,523
You heard Fawz,
this is a big meeting,
332
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:11,591
and he needs me.
333
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,525
Wait a minute,
you're just gonna leave?
334
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,394
Well, Arthur, you said
it yourself, man,
335
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,129
sometimes you got
to make choices.
336
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:18,031
Come on, after the meeting,
we'll drink tea
337
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,233
and play Guess That Stain.
338
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,604
(groans)
339
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,139
Arthur.
340
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:27,540
What is going on?
341
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,109
Last week you let
him leave early
342
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,510
'cause he wanted
to watch a marathon
343
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,947
of Diff'rent Strokes.
344
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,383
Look, I'm his boss. He shouldn't
talk to me that way.
345
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,085
Uh-huh. Is it that?
346
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,153
Or might you be
just a little jealous
347
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,889
because he's cheating on you
348
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:44,524
with another
older business owner?
349
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,526
Now you're just being crazy.
350
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,061
You know, it's okay to admit
351
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:50,397
you want to be the guy
that Franco looks up to.
352
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,464
Oh, come on.
353
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,033
He doesn't look up to Fawz.
354
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:55,468
He's just blinded by the money.
355
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,404
Money he really needs.
356
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,639
Yeah, I know.
357
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,641
Arthur, you've been doing
the same thing around here
358
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,110
for 40 years.
359
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:05,278
Maybe it's time to look
at your own budget.
360
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:08,248
Try to find a way to
give Franco a raise.
361
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,886
You mean I have to get rid
of Fiesta Wednesdays?
362
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,588
Aw, Dios mío.
363
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,425
I'm talking about the shop.
364
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:21,995
There's got to be ways
to cut some corners around here.
365
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,334
Excellent choice.
366
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,468
You sure?
367
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,970
This ain't too Ben Carson?
368
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,605
Can anything be
too Ben Carson?
369
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,108
Franco, you have been doing
a great job around here.
370
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,377
So great that I would like
to give you a promotion.
371
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,345
Yeah?
372
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,680
How does vice president
of operations sound?
373
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,382
Get the-- yo!
(laughs)
374
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,583
Sounds like
the president of operations
375
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,018
better watch his back.
376
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,019
That's me.
377
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:47,020
Oh.
378
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,188
Well, you know what, man?
379
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,190
I, thank you, man,
this is dope as hell.
380
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,392
Well, listen, Fawz Al-Shahrani
is a big believer
381
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:53,693
in diversity and inclusion.
382
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,528
And you can quote me on that.
383
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,464
Okay.
Oh, here they are.
384
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,566
Go ahead, quote me on that.
(clears throat)
385
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,034
Hey, Fawz.
386
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,670
Franco Wicks, meet
Marcus Brooks, the president
387
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:06,039
of Fast Lube,
and his associates.
388
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,607
Nice to meet you, Franco.
389
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,076
Yeah.
390
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,077
That's it?
391
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,445
I thought that handshake
would have more steps.
392
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,014
Uh, d-- uh...
393
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:14,881
Excuse us.
394
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,349
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah.
395
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,618
Yeah?
What? Okay.
396
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,720
This is why you hired me? Huh?
397
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,722
(mechanical whirring)
398
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,259
(arguing indistinctly)
399
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,696
Because you're all black!
400
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,968
Is a great color on you, wow.
401
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:37,004
Slimming.
(chuckles)
402
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,149
Where have you been?
403
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:51,484
Out kicking your ass.
404
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,621
I just wrote 15 tickets
in three hours.
405
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,289
I stood outside Wrigley Field
406
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:57,590
and picked off the
public urinators
407
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,493
one by one.
408
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,595
Who's the penal expert now?
409
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:03,763
(chuckles)
410
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,665
Damn.
411
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,667
Yep, and that contest ends
in five minutes.
412
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,769
I got a three-ticket lead.
413
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,138
Sorry, nerd.
414
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,006
Cool kids win again.
415
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,076
Morning.
416
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,244
ARTHUR:
Morning.
417
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,478
How was the meeting?
418
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,147
Did you learn a lot?
419
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,681
You could say that.
420
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,417
Hey, you guys are out of paper
towels in the ladies' room.
421
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,686
I got it.
No, no. Uh...
422
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,055
Uh, we're not doing that
anymore.
423
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,656
It's too expensive.
424
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,525
What?
425
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,327
Did you see the bath towel
I put in there?
426
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:37,197
Oh. So that's a communal towel,
427
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,332
that's as clean as
the dirtiest person who used it.
428
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,700
You know what,
I'll just air-dry.
429
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,038
All right, Arthur.
430
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,807
I'm here to settle my tab.
431
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,509
Here's some change,
432
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,679
separated by denomination
and country of origin.
433
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,483
Should be about twenty bucks,
based on exchange rates
434
00:16:56,516 --> 00:17:00,353
and a possible coup
in Venezuela.
435
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:04,657
And there's 19 bucks left
on this Circuit City gift card.
436
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,460
They went out of business
five years ago.
437
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:10,530
You could've just said no.
438
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,831
Arthur, what are you doing?
439
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,633
Just asked Tush
to pay up his tab.
440
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:14,734
Why you doing that?
441
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,804
Just a little belt-tightening
around here, that's all.
442
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,772
Yeah, Arthur's
trying to cut back a little
443
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:20,873
so he can give you a raise.
444
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:25,378
Right. I realize you can't live
on ground beef alone.
445
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:28,315
Okay, thank you, but I don't
want you changing this place.
446
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,316
You don't?
447
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,351
What about all that stuff
you learned from Fawz
448
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,186
about how to be
a good businessman?
449
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,188
(scoffs) Turns out
Fawz was just using me
450
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,524
so he can bring in
more "urban clientele."
451
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,791
You know what I really learned
from Fawz
452
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,228
is that that dude
would do anything for money.
453
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,862
And I like that you won't.
454
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,797
I mean,
having Tush run his tab here
455
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,733
is what makes Superior Donuts
what it is.
456
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:50,170
And you can't put a price
on personal hygiene.
457
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,239
I don't like it
any more than you do.
458
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,207
So that's a yes on the tab?
Great.
459
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,875
I just don't want you
460
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,877
working for Fawz, that's all.
Dude, I... Trust me,
461
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,246
I would love to quit.
462
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,148
But right now
I need the extra money.
463
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,715
Unbelievable.
464
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,351
My car was parked legally,
465
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:07,720
and you still give me
three tickets?
466
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,589
No, I didn't.
467
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,291
I did.
468
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,660
And we're officially tied.
469
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,896
Unlawfully tinted windows.
470
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,398
No front plate.
471
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,766
Oversized rims.
472
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,801
Mark my words,
you will live to regret this.
473
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:25,805
And threatening
a police officer.
474
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,775
That is nerds FTW,
475
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,611
which means "nerds for the win."
476
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,780
Which you would know
if you weren't so cool.
477
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,883
Damn.
478
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,220
I still got two minutes
before the contest ends.
479
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,457
Hey! You must be doing meth.
480
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,360
Nobody's that skinny in Chicago.
481
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,198
Hey, Fawz.
482
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:52,832
Maybe I can help you.
483
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,502
How'd you like to park your car
in my space in the alley?
484
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:56,903
That would be amazing.
485
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,305
Thank you, Arthur.
486
00:18:58,338 --> 00:18:59,806
No, I-I don't mean for free.
487
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:03,343
I mean, um,
maybe I could rent it to you.
488
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,445
Yeah, um...
489
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,381
Fawz, how much are you spending
a month on parking tickets?
490
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,682
Uh, $300.
491
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:10,683
(imitates buzzer, chuckles)
492
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,885
Now I can charge you $250,
and you'd take it.
493
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:13,920
I'll take it.
494
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,722
(imitates buzzer) $275.
495
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,889
Are you crazy?
496
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,526
Oh, well, I guess
I'll just walk away.
Yep.
497
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:22,429
You know, Shelly's Nails
has been begging me
498
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:23,863
to rent that space.
Oh, really? Shelly?
499
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:24,797
Shelly would love the spot.
Yeah.
500
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,399
Okay, okay. $275.
501
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:28,801
BOTH:
Deal.
502
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,371
Well, Franco,
you just got a raise.
503
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,805
$275 a month.
504
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,374
Thank you, Arthur.
You're quite welcome.
505
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,908
All right. And, Fawz,
506
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,610
with all due respect,
507
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:40,947
kiss my black ass. I quit.
508
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,550
I am so mad at you right now!
509
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,884
But also proud.
510
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,221
Of how you screwed me over!
511
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,789
Which was masterful.
512
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,892
But I will get my revenge!
513
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:53,893
Okay, bye.
514
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,770
There you are. I can see
those big, beautiful eyes
515
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,772
on my new computer.
Can you see me?
516
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:08,841
I can see you fine.
517
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,843
Hey, yo, thanks
for the raise, dude.
518
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,679
This new laptop is better
than my first one.
519
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,414
Well, I'm happy to do it.
520
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,882
This Skyping is amazing.
521
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:16,849
I know, right?
522
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,251
Hey, hold the phone up, man.
523
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:19,686
I'm getting nothing
but your nose hair.
524
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:27,494
(groans) Randy,
am I walking funny?
525
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:30,897
Because my pocket's feeling
about $800 heavier.
526
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,900
Go on, have at it.
527
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,868
You won.
Yeah.
528
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,470
Actually,
you'll be happy to know
529
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,772
that I'm giving half my winnings
to a good cause:
530
00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:41,674
your daughter's college fund.
531
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,043
Oh, James.
532
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,812
You don't have to do that.
533
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,847
Well, like you said.
534
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,382
We're partners.
535
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:53,353
But I was so mean to you
all week.
536
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,455
I feel terrible.
537
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:56,989
Then it was all worth it.
37876
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