All language subtitles for Curb.Your.Enthusiasm.S12E08.The.Colostomy.Bag.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb

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Mr. David, what
brings you to Georgia?

Well, um, I'm on trial
for the horrible crime of

giving a woman who
was on line to vote

a bottle of water.

Oh! Oh, what a terrible thing.

Oh, what a terrible crime.

What... What... What...
What... What... What...

What a terrible crime to
give her a bottle of water.

Okay, Larr... Larr.

Let's do it like we're
actually in the trial. Okay?

Which means you
have to stay silent

and only answer the questions.

- Copy that.
- Thank you.

So, Larry, Georgia gets
thousands of visitors a year

here to experience
our beautiful springs,

our peach trees. Well, what...

What is it that brought you here
to Georgia in the first place?

I was offered an appearance
fee to show up at this party,

- and I was told to be cordial.
- Cordial?

And you know what? I
was pretty damn cordial.

I asked questions to people.

"Oh, does your son
take piano lessons?"

- Larry, just...
- "Does he practice?

It's hard to get
him to practice.

They don't like to practice."

Larry, try to stay on topic.
We don't care about the...

- Right? I know. It's not...
- I'm just saying how cordial I was.

I asked about the
son's piano lessons.

What else you got? Huh?

I tore him to shreds.
I tore him to shreds.

Okay. I think we're
done here today.

Jury, thank you so
much for coming.

Uh, you may exit and deliberate
as if this was a real trial.

We appreciate your time.

And, uh, please fill
out the questionnaires.

It'll help us reach a verdict.

You know, my father fought
in World War II, Iwo Jima.

He wasn't one of the
ones with the flag.

That's fine. Thank you.

He was encouraging
the flag holders.

Thank you, everybody. Thank you.
- Yelled encouragement.

"Go, guys! Go! Up that hill!"

Larry, let's have a little
chat down here really quick.

- Huh? Well?
- How do you feel that went?

Frankly, I'm a little concerned
about one of the jurors.

- Yeah.
- In the garage, he saw me

- tossing my keys to the valet.
- Uh-huh.

I could be perceived
as a big shot.

- Nobody likes a big shot.
- That's true.

- They don't like a big shot.
- Yeah.

But, uh, I wouldn't worry
about this mock trial for that.

Where are you getting
these jurors, anyway?

My assistant gathers
them from the building.

- You know what I think?
- What's that?

I think you ought to
go in there and get

- that guy out of there...
- One second.

Because he's gonna
poison those people.

I got a great text from Abe.

Ah, great. So
everything's worked out?

- Yeah, everything's...
- Beautiful.

Yeah, everything's
been going great.

And what name did you
wind up using for the kid?

Why don't we leave
our professional

and personal lives
separate, you know?

- Okay.
- Okay.

It was Zeckelman, wasn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, it was Zeckelman.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Um...

Did you mind me tossing
the keys to you earlier?

Oh, no. No, no, not at all.

- You like a key toss?
- Absolutely.

It's human nature.
We like to catch.

I mean, that's what
I thought, right?

And we like to toss. People
like to toss and catch.

- Right? Yeah.
- Right. Yeah, yeah.

Your car's actually
out in the front.

Do you want me to
get it for you?

Oh, no, that won't be
necessary. I'm happy to get it.

Well, here you go, sir.

- Well, thank you, Rodrigo.
- Oh.

- This is for you.
- Oh, thank you so much.

- My pleasure.
- Thank you.

Um, you got the salad,
but I have a feeling

you're gonna be very
jealous of this.

- Of the sandwich? Yeah.
- Yes. Well...

I'm not supposed to
be eating sandwiches.

All right.

- Um, listen.
- Yeah?

I'm gonna have back surgery.

- Back surgery?
- Back surgery.

- Really? That bad?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Upper back. Yeah, it's been...

- Oh, don't even get me started.
- Okay.

Anyhow, I'm gonna have
anesthesia, obviously.

Three percent chance
something'll happen to me. So...

Susie has the power of attorney.

She's in charge of all of it.

So if something
bad happens to me,

I don't trust her.

You mean she'll

- she'll pull the plug too fast?
- Pull the plug?

She could do it for
any reason. Who knows?

Uh, maybe on the way
there we get into a fight,

- which is more than likely.
- Right.

So I want you in charge.

Well... okay.

And I don't expect
you to visit me.

I wouldn't know if
you're there or not.

Just come, like, once
a week and take a look.

I might not even
come once a week.

I could just call up.

I'm unconscious. What
the fuck do I know?

How we gonna do this?

We're gonna go to my attorney,
sign some papers, you're in.

Boy.

That sounds real risky.

What if she finds out we
went to this attorney?

Mantle is in the same
building as my attorney.

My lawyer's in the same
building as this guy?

- Yes, indeed.
- Yeah.

- We could say we went to mine.
- We'll say we went to Mantle's.

- Oh, my God, it's perfect.
- If she finds out,

there's no telling
what she could do.

Yeah, well, she's
not gonna find out.

- Find out what?
- Oh.

- Tell her, tell her, tell her.
- Find out... Find out that I...

- Yeah.
- Was found guilty.

- In his mock trial.
- In my mock trial.

- Can you believe that?
- What?

Yeah. One of the jurors...

I like you eating a salad, Jeff.

- Thank you.
- Very nice.

It's delicious and
I'm enjoying it.

- Good. Good for you.
- One of the mock jurors?

Yeah.

Saw me tossing
keys to the valet.

And I think he got
offended by it...

- He thought, "Oh, who's this big shot?"
- and influenced the...

- Yeah, like I was a big shot.
- Yeah.

I'm not a big shot. It
wasn't a big shot toss.

Yeah, but you know, Larry, a
toss, you could hurt somebody,

- you could injure them.
- Hurt somebody?

What kind of mutant
can't catch a key?

You better be very
careful right now.

I mean, that was
only a mock trial

that you failed.
Imagine a real trial.

Wanna go to jail in
Atlanta, in the South?

They'll have you
on a chain gang.

Oh. Hello?

Now?

Okay.

- All right, I'll pick you up.
- Who's that?

It's Lewis. He wants to
buy this old Mercedes,

and, you know, he lost
his sense of smell

- during COVID, and...
- Oh, yeah.

And, you know, sometimes
these old cars,

- they have a musty odor to 'em.
- He wants your nose.

- Yeah. He wants my nose. Yeah.
- Yeah.

All right, I'm gonna take off.

Hey, you gonna
finish that sandwich?

Eh. Take it.

All right. Thank you.

Oh, I got this
Vonderdonk cheese.

- Yeah?
- I don't want it sitting in the car.

Do you mind if I keep
it in your fridge?

- No. Go ahead.
- Huh?

Put it in the cheese drawer.

Okay. I'll pick it
up later or tomorrow.

Yeah, whatever.

All right, see ya.

He sent me a couple of
pictures of the car,

- and it's just so...
- Uh-huh.

It's such a classic and
it's so beautiful, man.

- Wow.
- This is a rare gem.

You like the old Mercedes.

I don't know how it's
gonna really smell,

- so, you know, you're my nose today.
- Ah.

My nose isn't so great.

Disgusting things I
can smell very well.

- Urine, BO, you know.
- I don't know. I mean, I...

Urine, I can smell
from two blocks away,

but you shove a
flower up my nose,

it does nothing for me. Hey, um

you're friends
with Conan, right?

Yeah, for a long time.

'Cause I saw him
in my neighborhood.

Yeah, well, he moved into
that Spanish-looking house,

uh, up on the Circle.

You know, I wanted to go up
and say something to him,

but I didn't want him to think
I was, you know, a nut, so...

- You need clearance.
- I need clearance.

- You need clearance before you talk to him.
- Yeah.

- Otherwise, you know, my God.
- Right. Yeah.

Could you get me clearance?

- I can get you Conan clearance.
- You'll get me Conan clearance?

- I'll get you Conan clearance.
- All right.

Great. Thank you.

Right? I mean, come on.

- It's mint condition. 1973.
- It's a beauty.

- I've never seen anything like it.
- There's not a scratch on it.

- It's really something.
- Right?

How you feeling in there?

- Oh, this is a beauty.
- Right?

- This is really gorgeous, huh, Larry?
- Uh-huh.

Look how good he
looks in this car.

Yeah, don't be too enthusiastic.

- He'll boost the price on you.
- No. No, no.

I bet that's true. You
think he's a booster?

- He could be a booster.
- I think so.

Yeah, he might be a booster.

- But it is beautiful.
- I do not wanna let this car go.

If I wasn't going through
this goddamn divorce...

- Oh.
- She's not getting the car.

What do you think, LD, huh?

How's it feel? You
look great in it.

- Doesn't he look great in that?
- Yeah.

It's got all the original parts.

Oh, I'm gonna... I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go sit in it.

Yeah, yeah. Try it out yourself.

All right, I'll stop boosting.

Come on. What took you so long?

- What took me so long?
- Yeah, I'm nodding my brains out.

No, 'cause your head
nod isn't any good.

I didn't know what
you were doing.

- What do you mean it's not any good?
- You don't have a good head nod.

A head nod, you're
supposed to go like this.

- Huh. Huh.
- Yeah, I did. I went...

No, no, you didn't do that.
You went like this. Like that.

- And you use your eyes too?
- You use your eyes, yeah.

- There you go. There you go.
- How come now you tell me?

Just saying you need to
work on your head nod.

All right, so what do you think
of the car, man? I love it.

What's wrong?

There's a smell.

It smells like tobacco.

- It does?
- Yeah, like

somebody smoked a lot of
Chesterfields in this car.

What do you think?
It's great, right?

You loving it? Huh?
It's all vintage.

So, what do you
think I should do?

You can't pay full price.

Then I'm gonna ask
him for a discount.

- A smell discount.
- Yeah. Good.

- What's up, guys? We got a deal?
- Hey, listen, man.

I don't think I'm
gonna buy the car.

Why not? What?

- What are you talking about?
- He told me it smells in here.

What are you... What happened?

You know, he, um...
he brought me along

'cause he's got long
COVID and he can't smell,

and you know, old cars,

they occasionally
have a musty smell,

- and, you know...
- This has a good musty smell.

There's good old musty
and there's bad old musty,

- and this is bad old musty.
- Right.

No, this is an old
car smell. It's good.

- I'm sorry, you know.
- I don't buy that, man.

I'm sorry. I smell
tobacco in there.

Wait, if you can't
smell, what do you care?

It's your car. It's not his car.

Okay, I can't smell it,
but if there's a smell,

then it's gonna be a
bad thing for anyone

who drives in the car with me.

Get one of those, you know,
pine, uh, things that...

Forget the pine thing.
I'll buy the car,

but I want a 3,000-dollar
smell discount.

You know what I smell? I
smell a scam. You come here.

- "Oh, he can't smell..."
- That's ridiculous.

"but I'm gonna tell him,

'Oh, yeah, smells
like cigarettes.'

Why don't you knock off 3,000?"

- Come... That's ridiculous.
- I don't think so.

- There's no scam.
- I don't think so.

- It wasn't planned, believe me.
- Oh, come on.

I'm not taking 3,000
dollars off this car.

No. I offered a fair price,

and if you don't want the car
for that price, then forget it.

Okay?

- Want it?
- No, I don't.

- All right.
- Unbelievable.

What a shit day
this has been, man.

- Yeah.
- Thanks a lot, Larry.

Hey, things could be worse.
You could have a colostomy bag.

Kiss that car goodbye, huh?

Hey, do you know if DiCarlo
has a colostomy bag?

What? What are you smoking?
What kind of question is that?

Yeah, because I made a bad joke,

and I think I... I
think I struck a nerve.

I'll ask Jeff. Maybe
he'll find out for me.

Yeah, I can't wait
to hear the answer.

I hope we don't run into Mantle.

We'll be fine.

- Yeah.
- Hello, gentlemen.

Good afternoon.
How are we doing?

Oh.

Uh, I'll meet you
by the elevator.

- All right.
- Mr. David. How are you?

- Good. Ah!
- Good to see you.

- So...
- Thank you.

- Okay.
- Yes?

- Oh, you're a valet.
- Yes, I am.

You didn't like
it when you saw me

toss the keys to
Rodrigo, did you?

I don't wanna get into
this. I'm trying to work.

I saw you look askance,
though, when you saw it.

Okay, I thought it was
kind of a big shot move.

Rodrigo likes to catch.

I doubt that. It's
a safety hazard.

You could've... You
could've hit his eye.

Did you influence the other
jurors against me? Huh?

There are two people in
the valet world, sir.

Handers and tossers.
And you're a tosser.

Okay, Victor, I'll be
back in half an hour.

I gotta go sign some papers

so I can kill my friend
whenever I want to.

And when I come back,

I'd appreciate it if
you'd toss me my keys,

and I'll hand you your tip.

Great, I'll keep it close.

If you'll just sign
right there, sir.

- Right there?
- Yes.

- I really like this pen.
- Thank you.

- This is a fantastic pen.
- It... It is.

No, but I... I really like it.

These pens are... They
sign really nicely.

If you'll just place one
more signature right there.

I mean, it's a great pen.
Where do I get a pen like this?

I'm sure you can get that at
any major department store.

You must have a lot
of 'em though, no?

Yeah, we do have a lot.

- Hmm. Okay.
- So congratulations,

you now have medical
power of attorney,

that is the power
to pull the plug.

Oh! You're a dead man.

- Pull that plug!
- Pull it!

Pull that plug, nurse!

Okay, if I may just
have that pen back.

- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you. All righty.

Well, we'll have the copy
sent to you very soon.

- Okay.
- Thank you. Take care.

Could you believe he
didn't give me that pen?

- I was shocked.
- That was unbelievable.

He resisted the "I
like it" gambit.

Yeah. Oh.

Oh! DiCarlo had stomach
surgery a few months ago.

Oy, oy...

He's got a bag.
He's got the bag.

Unbelievable. I... I don't know.

I don't know. What
am I gonna do now?

- What do I do?
- Truly, I have no idea.

What can I do for this guy?
Can I buy him a new bag?

Like a really
expensive colostomy...

Like a Louis Vuitton
colostomy bag?

- Do they sell those?
- Do they make those?

- I don't know.
- Do they make those?

What do you think of
my zipper like this?

Do you like this look?

- That's ridiculous looking.
- I kind of like it.

- I don't like it at all.
- Look, it's two zippers.

- You see?
- No, no, but keep the one down

- and play with the top one.
- Yeah.

- Where you guys been?
- Um...

We went to, uh, Mantle's office.

- We went to Mantle's office.
- The lawyer. Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, well, you know.

- We went to Mantle's.
- Some stuff to sign.

So, everything go okay there?

- Yeah, yeah, you know, signed some stuff, and...
- Yeah. Yeah. And by the way,

it went okay 'cause I was
there for a few moments

- that he needed me.
- Oh, you saved the day, Jeffrey, didn't you?

This has nothing to
do with his career.

You're his manager.

- However...
- Yeah, but I value his opinion.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- At least somebody does.
- You two are something.

You're Frick and Frack,
attached at the hip.

Frick and Frack, the
ice skating team...

- Yes!
- From the '30s.

A lot of people don't know that.

- Swedish.
- I think they're Swiss.

- Oh, yeah, Swiss.
- What, is there a difference?

So, you need him? He
doesn't know the difference

- between Sweden and Switzerland.
- He knows the difference.

He got confused.

- All right.
- I gotta pee.

- Enjoy yourself.
- Okay, Frick. Yeah.

You underestimate his
intelligence, you know?

But he's a little smarter
than you give him credit for.

I think he's smart. I
don't think he's dumb.

No, let's not go overboard.

He's smarter than
you think he is.

He's not really smart
though, you know.

Ah, he's no genius.

- What are you looking for?
- I'm looking for the cheese.

Oh, it's gone.

- What?
- I ate it.

- You ate the Vonderdonk?
- Yeah.

What do you mean?
Why'd you eat it?

- It's not your cheese.
- Because it's delicious.

It's not your cheese!
It's my cheese.

Well, you left it
here for a day.

I left it here to pick up.

I told you I was gonna pick
it up later or tomorrow.

- This is tomorrow.
- It was in my refrigerator,

and I believe possession
is nine-tenths of the law.

What's the other tenth?

- Fucking over your friends and eating their cheese?
- Yeah, yeah, I just...

Is that the other
tenth of the law, huh?

- Maybe.
- Let me ask you a question.

If I took a nap on your couch,

could you go through my pockets
and roll me over like a drunk?

You make such a big
megillah over nothing.

It's not over nothing. I went
all the way to Beverly Hills

to pick up that cheese!

Oh, Jeff, he's complaining
that the Vonderdonk is gone.

- Good cheese.
- Yeah.

- You had it too?
- Uh, it was in a sandwich.

Yeah, a melt. I made him a melt.

Who are you people?

You know, I think it's
time for you to leave.

Yeah, you know what?
I think you're right.

I think you're
right. Oh, yes. Yeah.

- You're taking my pomegranate juice?
- Yeah. I'm taking it.

I'm taking it. It's mine.

I got the pomegranate juice,
and I'm possessing it!

It's nine-tenths
of the fucking law!

Oh! Hey, Conan!

Hey. Uh, Larry David.

- I know, Larry. Yeah. Yeah.
- Uh...

Did Lewis, uh, talk to you?

- No, I didn't hear from Lewis.
- What? Well...

- I... I didn't... Never heard from Lewis, so...
- Unbelievable.

I specifically called him up

and asked if he could
get me clearance.

He didn't call me, so

technically, this is a
uncleared conversation.

- It's like an ambush.
- I don't know what to say.

- I'm very embarrassed.
- Yeah.

I'm a little mortified, frankly.

Why would you go up to someone

if you hadn't gotten
the okay from Lewis?

Because I just
assumed that Lewis

- was gonna get the clearance...
- You don't assume stuff like that.

"Oh, I assume this boat

has plenty of life
preservers for everyone.

Oh, no, it's the
Titanic, it doesn't."

This will go a lot better
once I get some clearance,

- I think.
- Well...

Will you think
about the clearance?

Sure. Yeah, I'll think about it.

Ah. You're not gonna
think about it.

That's just something
people say...

- You know.
- When they wanna say no,

and they let the person
down a little easier.

- It's true.
- They say they're gonna think about it.

I don't know how
many times I say,

"Yeah, I'll think about it,"
and I just wanna get out

of that situation
with the person, yeah.

But you won't spend one
second thinking about it.

Yeah, no. The minute I'm gone,
I'll never think about it again.

- Totally, totally.
- That's a great observation.

- You see, if I had clearance...
- Yeah.

These are the kind
of observations

you'd be hearing all the time.

You should talk to
Lewis. All right?

- Yeah, yeah.
- We good?

Yeah. Well, look, you
got one of those, uh,

- firehouse dogs, huh?
- He's never been in a firehouse.

- It's a stereotype.
- Can you stereotype a dog?

Yes, you can stereotype a
dog. "Oh, that's a golden.

He must be a really
friendly dog."

"Oh, there's a Dalmatian.
He must live in a firehouse.

He goes to fires."

This is the kind of conversation
I'm trying to avoid.

There's a reason this
protocol's been around

since early sound
days, 1932, '33.

I read an article about somebody
approaching Fatty Arbuckle

without clearance,

and Fatty Arbuckle just broke
a beer bottle over his head.

Yeah, it's been a while since I've
heard a Fatty Arbuckle reference.

What, did you just come from
Margaret Dumont's house?

- Okay.
- Lewis.

Lewis. I thought I had
the clearance. I'll...

There's a system, and we
have a system for a reason.

- I'll go through the system.
- Yeah. Okay.

- Call Lewis!
- Yeah!

You know, anyway, I
just wanna apologize

for the other day
and what I said,

and things just fly out of
my mouth without thinking.

I've done it my whole life.

You say a lot of
stupid things, Larry.

- Not all jokes work.
- Not a joke to me.

I've been going through
some rough times lately.

You know, you know about
my fucking divorce.

- Yeah.
- And all the theaters I owned,

- they're going under. I mean...
- Yeah.

Nobody's coming back
to the theaters.

It's terrible, yeah.

And then health
issues, and I'm...

I don't know, I'm just...

I'm hanging on by a
thread, is what I'm saying.

- And then...
- Okay, you know what?

You know what? I'm
gonna buy the car.

I'm gonna buy it.
I'm buying the car.

- Larry, you don't want this car.
- No.

- I want the car.
- Come on.

- I'm gonna buy the car.
- You wanna buy this car?

I'm gonna buy it. Yeah.
I'm buying the car.

At the price that
I gave to Richard?

- The full price?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, the full price.

You know...

So I drive around, there's
an odor in the car.

That's nothing compared to
what you're going through.

I know what you're
talking about, the smell,

but it's a smell that
you learn to live with.

Yeah, well, if you
can learn to live with

what you're living with,
uh, you know, I could...

I could live with
that, you know?

Yeah, well, we all
got a lot of baggage.

Yeah.

All right. Hey!
Here is your key.

You can Venmo me the
money, all right?

You can drive it out
of here. Get right in.

- You're gonna love it.
- Okay.

Uh... hey, could
you do me a favor

and follow me home in my car,
and I'll pay for your Uber back?

I'd rather not.

Interesting. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. You'd rather not.

You'd rather not. I'll
come back and pick it up.

- That's a good idea.
- Okay.

All good?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Good.

When you're at a red light,
just keep your foot on the gas.

Oh, and that seat belt.

Yeah, you're gonna
have to get that fixed.

- It's against the law.
- Not in 1973.

- Yeah. This is it.
- All right.

- Love that Vonderdonk.
- Oh, good stuff.

Look at the front.
Very presidential.

Look at that. Look
at that grill.

Go ahead. Sit in it.

Let me see how it feels.

Ah.

Okay. This is a White
man car right here,

I'll tell you that much.

Who'd you get it
from, Mr. Peanut?

The motherfucker with the
monocle and a top hat?

- Huh?
- Yeah.

You're right though.

There is a fucking
funky smell in here.

Right?

Like someone's been smoking
for years in this bitch.

- Yeah, it's like...
- Yeah, I know.

That's all I smell.

- Come over here.
- Oh, great.

Hey, did Marilyn Monroe
fuck JFK in a car like this?

- Come here, you bastard.
- What?

- You son of a bitch.
- What? Okay. Can I...

- You son of a bitch. That's my car.
- Can... Let me explain.

- That's my car.
- Let me explain, okay?

The guy actually
has a colostomy bag,

- and I felt terrible.
- Oh. Come on. Please.

I felt so guilty and awful,
I had to buy the car.

I'm getting my car back.
This horse shit story is...

It means nothing to me.

- I don't know if it's even true.
- Let me ask you this question.

Why didn't I get
clearance for Conan?

Where was my Conan clearance?

I thought you talked to
him. I had no clearance.

You left me hanging
there like an idiot.

I just want that car.
You owe it to me.

You wanna buy the car? You
can buy the car back off me.

Yeah, but hold on a
second, I want the car,

but I want 3,000-dollar
smell discount.

I paid full price. I didn't
get a smell discount.

I mean, there's still
an odor in the car,

isn't there, Mr. David?

You're never gonna smell
it. You got long COVID.

You're not smelling,
you're not tasting.

But I'm making improvements
in all those areas.

- You'll improve your smell?
- Yeah, I might get surgery.

You can't get surgery for smell.

- Yes, you can.
- They got smell surgery?

There's a smell clinic,
but it's in Switzerland.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna
go. But the point is,

I want the
3,000-dollar discount,

and I want my car, and
that's the end of it.

Okay, fine, but you gotta drive me
to DiCarlo's house to pick up my car.

Okay, we're gonna go
in my little new beauty

over there, okay, babe?

- Did you babe me?
- I babed you.

Don't babe me.

Do not, under any circumstances,
babe me ever, ever.

You think I feel good
about it? It slipped out.

I'll Venmo you the money.

Hey, I'm just gonna use
the charging station.

Yeah, you're good.

- How you doing?
- Toss?

- Yeah, come on.
- I don't wanna be a big shot.

You're not a big shot.
Come on, toss it.

- All right.
- Awesome. There we go.

- Fun, right?
- It's fun!

- Of course!
- He's a tosser.

All right, so, Larry,

I'm going through these
jury questionnaires,

and, uh, they keep saying,
"Less than cordial."

Um, the word "repugnant"
keeps coming up.

Here's one that says
you're "surly," "petty."

I think we have to maybe...

- We have stuff to work on.
- Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

- You know?
- I told you that juror, Vic,

didn't like the key toss.

- I told you that?
- Yeah, yeah.

He could've influenced
all those jurors.

I don't know that
one person like that

can influence all
the other jurors.

- You ever see 12 Angry Men?
- Yeah.

Well, one person, Henry Fonda,
influenced the whole jury.

First of all, this
isn't 12 Angry Men.

There's one angry man. He's
sitting across from me.

That valet, he
didn't like a catch,

which I don't
understand, frankly.

Everybody loves a catch.

- I like a catch if it's fun.
- Of course.

- A catch...
- Catching is fun.

I know, but not if
it's a surprise!

- It could hit me in the face!
- It wasn't a surprise catch!

That's part of the job!

You're a valet, you toss,
you catch, you toss!

No, the part of the job of
being a valet is taking keys,

not having keys thrown
at you all day long.

Look, Larry, can't you see
that there's a pattern here?

You're rubbing
people the wrong way.

Don't you see that?
Susie, for example,

just told me the thing
about the cheese.

You left cheese there
and you're upset

that she ate it?
What is that about?

- You just said it.
- I know, but...

I left cheese in her house.

- Why...
- Vonderdonk cheese, by the way.

- Yeah.
- And she ate it.

Possession is
nine-tenths of the law.

If you leave it
there, it's hers.

Oh, possession! That's the dumbest
thing I ever heard, possession.

- Why? Why?
- What does that even mean?

She took my fucking cheese.
That's what means something.

But you left it there, so
now it's Susie's cheese.

I can't believe that
you're defending

the cheese eater.

You have an issue
with keys and cheese.

You know what else I
have an issue with?

- What's that?
- You.

I want a lawyer
who sides with me

- in the cheese dispute.
- I'm not here to defend cheese.

I'm here to defend a
constitutional issue.

I'm gonna find me a lawyer
who's gonna take my cheese side.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

Catch.

Ziggy Zeckelman! Not too late!

- Oh, there he is. Hey.
- Hey.

- Huh? That was fun.
- It's fun.

For you.

There you go. Thank you.

Oh, God, Susie.

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.

Oh. What the...

It was you! You pulled the plug?

My car's dying!

What an asshole!

Hey, you tossed,
you lost, buddy.

Oh, my God!

Jeff! Jeff, call
me! Jeff, pick up!

Jeff!

Shit.

Oh, my God. Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

What?

Hey! Hey!

Conan! Conan!

- Conan!
- Jesus!

I know, I don't have clearance.

No clearance. I
have no clearance.

My car, the battery
died. My car...

- This is my house.
- No. Oh, I understand.

My car broke down.
It's an emergency.

This is completely unauthorized.

Yeah, can't I get an
emergency clearance exemption?

- There's no such thing!
- You can... You... You can make...

You gotta go through the levels!

I can't! It's an emergency!
Can I borrow your car?

If I don't get to Jeff's house,
she's gonna see those papers,

and she's gonna kill us.

You don't know what
this woman's capable of.

All right, I don't know
who these people are.

I'll get you the keys.
You can use the car.

- All right? Yeah.
- What? Oh! Oh!

You got something
on your glasses.

Oh. Oh, thank you!

- That's so nice of you.
- Oh!

- Thank you.
- They're in my pocket.

Ah! My eye!

Why'd you toss? Who
told you to toss?

- It's fun.
- Oh, my God!

We're done here.

So, it turns out DiCarlo did
not have a colostomy bag.

He acted like he had a bag.

How does somebody act like
they have a colostomy bag?

He had this hangdog

"I shit in a bag"
look about him,

and he took me to the cleaners.

How's, uh, how's the car?

It's a beauty on
the inside and out.

And it makes me so happy
that I saved money.

- Hmm.
- And I'm picking up a beautiful girl

- who's really smart and...
- Oh, what, you got a date tonight?

She's hip. She
laughs at my jokes.

You know? I mean,
she could be the one.

It's hard to believe that
at your advanced age,

you are still throwing
around terms like "the one."

What, am I supposed to just
give up and crawl under a rock?

Yes! Give up. There's no hope.

Larry, this is my first
date with this woman.

I have such a crush on her,

and I think she's gonna fall
desperately in love with me.

Which asylum are you driving to?

The one in Long
Beach or downtown?

Ciao.

What the hell? Where
the hell's the cheese?

- Wow.
- Hi.

Hiya, beautiful.
Good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- Thanks for coming out tonight...

What?

Oh, God! It fucking
stinks in here.

- What? What are you talking about?
- Oh!

It doesn't stink in
here. What are you ta...

- Hey, where you going?
- Oh!

- Hey, what's wrong?
- Oh, man!

Hey! Come on back!

Jesus! What the...
What the fuck, man?

Oh, Christ.