All language subtitles for The Almighty Johnsons S03E13 The End of the World as We Know It 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-Kitsune_track4_[eng]

The Jormungandr is stirring.

Yes, man, big time.

Ragnarok's the
end of the world,

because everybody
dies, gods and mortals.

I've never known why
I had to find Frigg.

But now I did it.

And the first thing I'll
do is deal to Jormungandr

and therefore stop Ragnarok.

I also hear you
think you're Odin.

Would be so bad
if it was true?

We found Frigg.

Really?

Oh, spend your whole life
waiting for Odin to show up,

and when he does,
there's two of them.

Must be my lucky day.

She has to choose.

There's no room for confusion.

There's our choice
to make, Mike.

I'm ready.

For what?

For you, Anders.

Are we talking
about after the Gahr?

After the pure light?

What happens then?

It would be fair to say we
got it spectacularly wrong.

We got, he says?

Feel that a return
to the old ways

would be a big step backwards.

[thunder clap]

I know it seems like a
huge mistake on our behalf.

Yeah, well everyone's
treating it like it is.

But when you think
about it, it's one word.

We just need to get our
powers and rule on it.

Let's get our powers
and rule over it.

There's hardly any difference.

Cheer up, man.

You're about to become
a god, proper god.

I don't want to be a
god here, not in Asgard.

We're going home, Bragi.

Yeah, well, you're Loki.

You can just do whatever shit
you want, just for laughs.

Meanwhile I'm God
of Poetry in Asgard,

surrounded by gods like you.

Bloody feminine kid in an
all boys boarding school.

So when Odin and
Frigg are reunited

in this pure light thing,
it's off to Asgard we go.

Bye, bye, hood.

And what about Ty?

Ty is left behind.

What?

This is the best news ever.

Why aren't you
grinning like a loon?

Because it's not
the best news ever.

So, on behalf of those of
us left behind in Midgard,

what about Ragnarok?

It makes sense to be in
Asgard to deal with Jormungandr.

True.

Then it's adios, Odin
and Axl left behind.

Apparently.

No, I will never forget you.

Yes, you will.

I will not allow
that to happen again.

No.

No.

[crashing and shuddering]

Whoa!

[crashing]

It's on now!

Quick.

[various sirens sound]

Hah!

Jormungandr's stirring.

Big time.

[theme - gin wigmore, "oh, my"]

THEME SONG: Oh, my God, I'm
beaten in the game of life.

And I fall down, I fall
down on my knees I fall.

Oh, come on, admit it.

It would have been hilarious.

If you say so.

We're all buggering
off to Asgard,

leaving your mortal
husks behind,

the whole city suddenly
forgets they're mere.

Who was their guy?

What was his name?

What did he look like?

Did we actually elect anyone?

It's genius.

Yeah, side splitting, Colin.

You think you've ruined
it with your [inaudible]

TELEVISION REPORTER: And
across every continent,

there's been loss of life.

Is that why you're
still here, to punish me?

I'm here to keep
you company while we

count down the hours to the
end of the world as we know it.

Hey, you two realize that
afterward, you'll be the PR guy

that no one remembers, right?

Talk about irony.

[laughs]

Oh, thank the stars, Michelle.

Anders here is being a dead
loss, conversation wise.

Hi.

Oh, tell me, how's game boy
taking the news he's soon to be

playing all Bob the Builder?

Oh, you have to ask
him that yourself, Colin.

Am I missing something here?

Well, there's one
of your testicles,

because I picked it up in
the vicinity of your liver.

Good bacon though.

Remember, you're a vegetarian.

Plus I was a little girl
to piss my mother off.

I forgot how good bacon is.

Oh, man.

Have you changed
brothers, you minx?

Yes, Colin, I most
definitely have.

Amazing.

I'll be in bed when you get
rid of your dickie at night.

That's your cue
to leave, Colin.

I cooked breakfast
and everything.

- Where's the love?
- That love died ages ago.

Now fuck off.

- That was quick.
- I'm on a schedule.

Hurry up

I thought I would have
heard from you last night.

Anders, I need to feel a
warm, human body against mine.

I don't want to talk.

All these disasters all over
the world at the same time,

and still, the
so-called experts say

they're in no way connected.

You got this?

Yeah.

Have you?

Yeah.

I have.

Where are you going?

There are too
many possibilities.

That's the problem.

So I'm starting
with away from here.

Seeing where that takes me.

- TELEVISION REPORTER:
- -the devastation caused

by the swarm of disasters.

And while there was no loss of
life in the recent earthquake.

Hey, Mike.

Hey.

Just wanted to
check you're OK.

You know, after the earthquake.

Yes, Axl, there
was an earthquake.

Yeah, among all the
other things, hey?

Crazy day for the planet.

Suppose you're here
to tell me it was

all the work of a giant snake.

Serpent.

Yeah, sorry, serpent.

Come on, Mike.

Even you have to
admit this signs

some serious godly
shit is happening.

And you're the man to
save the world, are you?

Odin goes back to
Asgard and does what

it takes to make this right.

That's why you need
to back off, now.

Back off?

How?

By telling Hannah
you're not Odin.

How can I tell her that,
if I don't know for a fact

it's true?

Come on, Mike.

This is too important for
you to be ego tripping.

She chooses her Odin.

That is the rule, right?

Apparently, it's too late for
either us to back out now.

I'm not backing out.

So, we wait for her to choose.

But she has to choose today.

Why?

Because the end is nigh?

Don't be a Dick, Mike.

The signs are in.

She has to choose.

Then maybe we
should go and ask her.

Yeah, we should.

[pounding on door]

You said she was here.

Haimdallr must have
done his thing on her.

What thing?

When he shifts her across
the realms, I can't follow.

You have to experience
it understand.

- She's not here.
- Bullshit.

You just don't want
me to talk to her.

Of course.

It's unlocked.

See?

Not here.

And not bullshitting you.

I don't know where she is.

She will choose when she
chooses, same as it ever was.

Mike, isn't that yours?

Yeah.

Oh, what are you doing?

Michelle.

Hey?

I thought about
robbing a bank,

and then running
out into the street

and throwing all the
money into the air.

And then I thought
that was just going

to reward the lazy assholes who
didn't have the balls to rob

the bank in the first place.

I had a million
thoughts about what

to do with the time I have.

Then they all just turned
into this big noise

that drove me here to curl up
in a ball as it ticks away.

It was really fucking pathetic.

What the hell has happened?

I went to talk
to your girlfriend.

- Oh, Jesus.
- No, we were talking.

And there was tea.

I remember that.

And then everything went black.

Wasn't you was it?
Who killed me?

I'd understand if it was.

You don't seem very dead.

I got better.

Oh, don't you know?

Death is a minor obstacle
for us goddesses.

What an awesome
and useful power.

Not as useful as a
girl might hope for.

The thing is, you know,
alive, alive, you are alive.

You're not some zombie.

You don't have to
worry about that.

But your mortal
body is only alive

as long as Frank inhabits
me, like you're running

on power from my bedroom.

And when Frank
returns to Asgard?

Sjofn will travel
with her, that Michele

will not survive I'm afraid.

She will die.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Just relax.

Oh.

This is weird.

It's not weird.

Yes, it is weird.

But to a lot of people it's not.

So you just need to pretend
to be one of those people.

Is it not weird to you?

No.

Well, yes, but it's necessary.

I'm still not convinced.

No answer.

They'll just have
to catch up later.

So, she's dead
but she's not dead.

Yes.

Where is she?

Thank you for
rounding them up.

Oh, it was fun
being in the same car

as two weeping goddesses.

I think you know how
I feel about hugging.

The issue as I see it, is
that the hammer that killed

Michele--

and yeah, she's dead.

She's running on fumes.

That hammer it was here.

The only way it could
have got there was Martin.

And this is the guy that we're
meant to trust with not only

our future, but
apparently the future

of the entire fucking planet.

I did say, Mike, that
Heimdallr's traditionally

made as a cut snake.

And yet we're meant to believe
him about this Gahr thing?

No, you mean to believe me
when I say it has to happen,

Mike.

We're taking our friend
away from the tension now

for some solitude,
just the three of us.

Ah, Anders, if
you're worried, it's

not actually necrophilia if
the corpse still has a pulse.

She was the one who used me.

That still don't
make it right.

Anders.

Shall we go with him?

He's your glorious leader.
Do what you like.

You do know that I knew it
is over between you two right.

Otherwise I never
would've gone there.

Uh, huh.

How else would you rub my
nose in it that it was over?

It's not like that.

I mean, maybe for her it was.

But I definitely understood
that you'd moved on to Frigg.

I guess the best thing
for you if if this Gahr

thing never to happen.

Correct, Stacey.

Frigg dying old and unmarried
is my favorite option

right about now.

What if you just don't
turn up to the Gahr?

It would buy me however
long it takes find

another godly being
to make up the numbers

and I drop dead where ever I am.

Is it too soon
to start drinking?

No.

Stupid question in
my case, isn't it?

Where is he?

No idea.

The room was empty
when I arrived.

This is new though.

You know what this is?

The Midgard Serpent.

Exactly.

Jormungandr.

You know, your brother
may be a murdering freak,

but he's on the money

I told you not
to leave this room.

Martin, Martin, listen to me.

Not now.

I have to play this.

Why?

It has to be done.

Are you sure?

Very, very sure.

Gahr blows handle,
his horn is aloft.

This is about
Ragnarok, isn't it?

It's coming, isn't it?

Yes.

As far as I understand it,
when he plays his music that's

a sign Ragnarok is coming.

Which is what I've
been saying all along,

which is why you need to drop
all this shit and choose.

Please go.

I know it's me.

But I don't care if it's Mike.

You just need to fucking choose.

No, what I need is to look
after my brother right now

and then I'll talk to you.

Now go.

Are you in love with Frigg?

Hanna.

I'll take that as a yes.

No, take it as
an I don't know.

I'm going to go with yes.

Man, I so want to meet her.

Maybe she'll lay her eyes on
me and boom, another contender

for the crown.

You think?

Well, you can put their
theory of yours to the test.

Hey.

Hi.

Hanna, this is my
other brother, Anders.

Bragi.

Hi there.

I really need to talk to Mike.

That answers that.

Nice to meet you.

You did your
Cinderella thing again.

Not even a goodbye.

I shouldn't really
have come here at all

but I needed to get away.

Mike, I need to tell you
something because you

deserve to know first.

All I'm saying
is that I didn't

explain the end of the world
to be heralded with jazz music.

Yeah, well, it was.

In my head, I had
Heimdallr go blowing one

of those Swiss Alpine horns.

Why would a Norse
god blow a Swiss horn?

Strictly speaking, a
saxophone isn't even a horn.

It's a woodwind.

I'm just saying.

I'll get that, wanting
to be, you know,

useful and everything.

My Lord Odin, Old
Father, Lord of Hosts,

Knower of Many
Things, Destroyer,

Protector, I'm your Frigga.

I'm your queen and I'm yours.

I found this.

Shouldn't you
be with your Odin,

cheering him on a
quest well done.

Axl has Ev for
his cheering score.

Besides, I like
drinking with losers.

They appreciate me more.

Cheers.

I can't decide
between these and these.

So get them both.

Can I?

On behalf of the estate of
Michele Brock, who will be

dealing with the
credit card bills

she so richly racked up
in the days and hours

before her untimely
death, I hereby

authorize you buy as many
fucking pairs of shoes

as you want.

So, I can get these ones, yes?

Yes, Ingrid, that is the
gist of what I just said.

That's her.

Hello?

That's great.

OK, I'll spread the word.

Bye.

The one true Odin
has been found.

And the winner is?

Axl.

So we've been summoned to
salute the happy couple?

No.

But the Gahr has been
set for tomorrow morning.

Whoa, talk about your
whirlwind engagement

slash death sentence.

You probably have things to
do to prepare for departure

as it were.

What about you?

Off to steal a
very expensive car.

Thanks, Axl.
Yeah.

Thanks for calling.

We'll be fine.

We will be fine because we have
a plan and the plan will work.

Yes, Axl, I will be there.

Apparently it has to happen
at exactly the right time.

So there is no way
you can be late.

- I won't be.
- Cool.

And, can you do me a favor?

As Axl or as Odin?

Both.

I need you to make
sure Mike gets there.

I don't want him bailing
just because he lost.

You can tell him
yourself if you want.

He's right here.

The Old Father
would like a word.

Hello, Axl.

I don't want there being any,
um, any bad blood between us

about what happened.

She made her choice.

Nothing to do with you or me.

You have to be there tomorrow.

I will be.

Good.

I have to go.

If it's any consolation,
I was totally with you

on how mad the whole giant
serpent thing sounded.

Thank you, Anders.

[phone rings]

Hello.

Michael.

Just heard the news.

You must be gutted.

So near, yet so far.

That's a bit rude.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Why didn't you tell me?

Fuck's sake.

Not you as well.

Because we have
a cock and vagina

relationship rather than a share
each other's pain relationship.

OK.

Guess you think I'm
doubly pathetic,

coming back here again.

No.

I am curious however.

I'm worried about you.

Why?

The Odin thing.

Well, thank you for your
concern, but I'm fine.

So I just wasted my very
limited, very valuable time

caring about the
prick who dumped me.

Yeah, it seems unfair.

- You want a drink?
- Here?

No.

Too many memories.

More wasted time.

What do you want
to do with your time?

Kill that fucking
brother of his.

I don't think it ends well
for the planet if you do that.

Then I want to go out and
have fun while I still can.

Although when it comes to
fun, I'm probably talking

to the wrong person here.

I'm.

Here fun as my best feature.

True.

Anders and I shall
go out and have fun.

Oh, uh, so suddenly
I'm not invited.

Uh.

Um.

Will you remove the
broomstick from up your ass?

No.

Yeah, OK.

Consider it removed.

Michele, is this car stolen?

Liberated from the
salesman under the impression

he could get in
my pants if he let

me take it for a test drive.

- Can I drive?
- No.

You're in the back.

You sure about this?

I've had Ullr on
my back for 15 years.

It's time he pay me back.

Now you turn into the
Mike I've always wanted?

This sucks.

Oh!

There's nothing here,
nothing unusual at all.

Why don't you call it a night?

Go home.

[cheering]

Three and two.

House is busted.

[cheering]

Oh, Michael, are you home?

Hanging up on me before
I thought was very rude.

Plus you hit me when I had
a broken arm I might add.

That was a bit off.

Michael, I'd love to talk to
some of these issues with you.

But seeing you not
here, I guess I'll

just have to leave a message.

I do so I hate leaving messages.

So be it.

Ah, shit.

We could have been spectacular.

You do know that, don't you?

Until I snapped one night and
strangled you in your sleep.

Or I dumped you
with my chainsaw.

I do love my chainsaw.

I could tell.

Going to miss my chainsaw.

I'm going to miss you.

Really?

Yeah.

Actually really.

[inaudible], Doctor.

Hello.

Yep.

Do you think the God of
Poetry gets sodomized in Asgard?

I think that would be
more of a Greek thing,

but I'm sure they'll make
an exception for you.

Ah, shoot.

If you want to stop losing all
our money, I have another idea.

Your money?

Yeah, Mike and I went together
by combining our powers,

thank you.

We could go back to my place.

One for the road.

So to speak.

I think we had
our shot, don't you?

Besides, don't you want
to braggae, one more

actual woman for the last time?

No, I'm good here.

That was the police.

My bar just burned
to the ground.

Colin.

What a cock.

I was going to suggest
we go for a nightcap.

Bugger.

Well, guess it's
onwards till sunrise.

Hm, fuck it.

Onwards till sunrise.

What do you think
Asgard will be like?

I don't know that
I'll even know.

True.

When you split into
your component parts.

I do wonder.

But it's like trying
to imagine infinity.

Makes my brain hurt.

As long as the world
gets saved, hey?

That's the main thing.

Might turn in, bro.

Big day tomorrow.

Saving the world
and everything.

Yeah.

[music playing]

Some say you'll never
be gone forever.

Some say there's
music where you go.

Where I am going,
you can't save me.

Don't wake me, honey.

I'm going to get old.

[SINGING] For love nor money.

I have no more I can pay.

Where I am going,
you can't save me.

Where I am going,
you can't save me.

Not sure if I'm
meant to take this.

Freaky can't help you there.

Zeb, this is the one god
thing I'm absolutely sure you're

not allowed to come to.

Got that.

Besides, wouldn't want to end
up in the forest with a bunch

of strangers, would I?

You're not going to forget me.

Just like I didn't forget Ty
when he wasn't a god anymore.

I gotta go.

Good luck with
everything, hey?

And um, thanks for
getting me here.

Freaky out.

Tyrone, my money was on
you not turning up at all.

Who is the lovely,
the mortal dawn.

Still hold for a few
more minutes, Colin.

A lot of damage I
can do in that time.

Greetings.

And how are we all on
this auspicious day?

Personally, I'm a bit
under the weather.

Shagged myself
senseless last night.

Gave the old god rocket one
last trip around the block.

What did you lot get up to?

OK, sorry for asking,

Oh, God, please no.

Not more hugging.

All I'm saying is you didn't
have to let her lose the lot.

She was having fun.

Michael.

Did you get my message?

Yes, Colin, I did.
Thank you.

Pleasure.

No, I mean
sincerely, thank you.

See, I've been expecting
your message for a while now.

So, you wouldn't believe how
unbelievably well insured I am.

Love your work.

Glad to be of help.

Here he is, the man
of the hour, the groom.

Colin, still being a cock
right up to the end I see.

We're ready now.

I assumed Martin ran the show.

Heimdallr stands guard at
the stopping point between

Bifrost and the [inaudible].

It's always been
his appointed task.

And the actual
wedding ceremony?

I am the goddess of marriage.

Do I need this?

No.

Is it clothes on
or off ceremony?

Clothes on.

Cool.

I give you my word,
Michele, that the first thing

I'll do when I'm Odin is
to bring you back to life.

That's sweet of you.

I mean it.

No, not blood.

Oh, now this is a wedding.

Kids, whatever he's
on, do not try it.

[non-english speech]

It's all good, Axl.

[non-english speech]

[thunder]

[gasps]

Odin has found his beloved.

They are united.

[TEARFULLY] No.

No.

Heimdallr has
taken the Bifrost

Bridge to watch over Asgard.

Martin has finished his
task and has been granted

entrance into [inaudible].

Did he know that was
going to happen to him?

Martin knew if this
day would ever arrive,

he would die in the process.

Good fucking job.

Holy shit.

Oh, my lord.

Serves him right.

No offense, Frigg,
but your brother

hit me with a fucking hammer.

And now my head hurts like
a mother fucking bitch.

Yes.

Odin, you're the man!

Can I ask you a question?

Odin and Frigg are
reunited, right?

Yes.

Does that mean that and I have
to stay together here on Earth?

You want a divorce, Axl.

Not if it means like the
end of the world again.

I mean, it's not
I don't like you.

And you're really hot.

I just don't know if you and
I have that much in common

anymore.

Maybe you could talk
to Mike about it.

He knows way more than me
about pretty much everything,

except for who is
and isn't Odin.

Do you feel any different?

I feel lighter.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, Grandpa, can
I ask you a question?

As an ex-oracle I am under
no obligation to answer.

Do you think right
now Odin is kicking

Jormungandr back into line?

Yes, I think he is.

I saved the world.

How cool is that?

Put it on your CV for your
next pizza delivery job.

Oh, man, the sword is gone.

That was the best
part about being Odin.

So what do you think?

Stuff we need to talk about.

I reckon.

Lunch?

Lunch is always good.

I ache already.

I don't know, Grandpa.

Right then.

Johnsons, I'd like to say it's
been a pleasure knowing you,

but it really hasn't.

And the asshole part of his
personality wasn't all Loki.

Want to go for a drive?

Shotgun.

Hey, babe, would you
take my car back into town?

If you're lucky, I
might come to your place

and visit you later.

Still got it.

We are nothing but
sex objects to them.

I'm sorry about Dawn, mate.

We have a plan.

Do you?

Does it involve me?

Hey, I'm going to go with Ty.
He's got a plan.

Dude, Mike's
kissing your wife.

[laughs]

Well, I'm going to go surfing.

Don't know how many of
summers I've got left.

Do you want a lift, bro?

Yes, Axl.

That'd be great.

Yes.

[knocks]

Thanks.

My instructions are
to wait for your reply.

- Who sent this?
- You did.

What?

If you watch the clip,
everything will become clear.

Hey, Dawn.

It's me, who was you.

You will have no
memory of making this.

But, what you will have is
the feeling that something,

a big something, is
missing from your life,

the feeling that you woke
up and the love of your life

had ceased to exist.

I know you're feeling this,
because I've been there.

But I'm not going
to go into detail

about that, because it would
just freak you out even more.

So, Dawn, the person who
handed to you this is Ty.

And we love him more than air.

And if you were having some
trouble believing that,

then check this out.

Dawn, you need to
trust me when I say,

you, me, and Ty, we work
seriously, we belong.

So, please look deep inside and
then look at the guy standing

there.

And try to remember
that this is the man

you cannot live without.

And then try a cupcake, because
they will blow your mind.

So over to you or me.

I don't really-- yeah.

I know you.

Have you told
her about me yet?

[knocking]

Pizza?

Not here, mate?

You sure?

Carnivore deluxe with
the extra pepperoni.

That is my favorite pizza,
but I didn't order it.

Are you sure you didn't
and then you forgot?

No, I'm pretty good
at remembering pizzas

I've ordered.

Do you want it anyway?

I got beer.

I didn't order that either.

Yeah, I know.

I brought that over.

Thought maybe we could drink it
while we talked about the room.

How did you know
about the room?

Heard about it.

From who?

I haven't told anyone.

I mean, the dude who was here
before, mystery man I call him.

I don't know if he's gone
or if he's coming back

or even if he was ever here.

He's gone.

Do you know him?

Just in passing.

I tell you what.

How about I move in today.

I can even take over the
guy's stuff if that helps.

Plus I can throw in
the pizza in the beer.

That sound OK to you?

I like the way you think.

Zeb.

Good day, Zeb.

My name's Axl.

Axl Johnson.

You want a beer, Axl?

Come on, I'll show you the room.