All language subtitles for The Almighty Johnsons S03E12 Late to the Point of Knowledge 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-Kitsune_track4_[eng]

MICHELLE BROCK: I'm ready.
ANDERS JOHNSON: For what?

MICHELLE BROCK: For you, Anders.

I will say here you
think you're Odin.

Wouldn't be so
bad if it was true.

They both slept with Frigg.

That's not a sign of what's
going to happen, is it?

That we find her and she
sleeps with my brothers?

ANDERS JOHNSON: He's
going after her, man.

He's making his move.

AXL JOHNSON: I am
Odin, he isn't.

She's mine, not
his, end of story.

She has to choose, and
one choice is all she needs.

There's no room for confusion.

This man here is also Odin.

That true?

I would lay claim
to that title, yes.

All I'm saying
is if we're going

to keep calling
these things, then

people could at least
have the good manners

to turn up on time.

TY JOHNSON: You know that's
rich coming from you, right?

OLAF JOHNSON: I'm
a busy man, man.

I got places to be.

So it's good, is it?

Yes it is, actually.

It's not for a wage
slave like me, though.

You're working?

Yes, and not even for wages.

Ah, finally.

Sorry.

I'm sorry, I kind of got
unavoidably detained.

OK Michelle, you've
had your fun.

I really need to go now please.

Michelle?

Michelle?

So what all-important
thing is this thing about?

We found Frigg.

Really?

Yeah.

And?

And if there are a lot of
things that we need to talk

about, so I called a thing.

And now that we're all here,
can we please get on with it?

Genius.

So why aren't we all
powered up and good to go.

How did-- how did
you guys screw it up?

Too many Odins.

OK I'm sorry, but I'm going
to have to ask you to leave now.

What?

I have to deal with my
brother, who's not very

good at dealing with stuff
that doesn't go to plan,

but we'll get together all soon?

As you wish, my lady.

My lady sounds quite stupid.

Hannah, my name's Hannah.

Mike.

And I'll get out of your way.

Hang on.

But this is right for him
because he can find you anytime

he likes with his
super stalky power

because he's Ullr, not Odin.

Because I am Odin.

Also known as Axl.

Then I'm sure we
shall become better

acquainted at the right
time, which is not now.

When will be the right time?

When I'm ready.

Tell you what.

Why don't I be the one who
passes on messages and stuff

about who's ready, when?

I mean, it is kind of my job.

Fulla, I'm your handmaiden.

I get a handmaiden as well?

Fraid so.

That all good?

Everyone OK to let
me do the arranging?

Good.

And have I seen
her since then?

No.

And do I know anything
about running a business?

No.

So can we please get
on with this thing?

We sure she's the actual Frigg
and not just another bogus one?

It's her.

So the light's
blue and everything?

Was more subtle than that.

What's that mean?

It means we can
talk all we like,

but it's just wasted air
because it's all over to her

now to choose.

There's no choice
to make, Mike.

Read the signs, buddy.

Why else would she
look like she does?

And what does she look like?

She looks like Axl.

Th-- that's truly
disturbing news.

AXL JOHNSON: Yeah, well not as
disturbing as falling asleep

pissed in a dress,
and then waking up

the next day with
huge breasts and not

being able to find my penis.

But now it all makes sense.

Why else would I turn into her
if it wasn't destined to be?

But there's no
choice in destiny, Axl.

And the last I
heard, the Frigg was

getting back to the both of us.

It's her choice.

Good thing, Ty,
one of the best.

You know what
really pissed me off?

His smug, weasel face like he
thinks he's in with a chance.

What a cock.

You got the Frigg vibe
off her though, right?

Why do people
keep asking me that?

Because of our past
failures in identifying

the correct Frigg.

Yes.

Yes, I got the vibe.

Wasn't as epic as I was
expecting, but it was there.

Not just the traditional male
response to another hot chick?

No.

She got the same
buzz off you, right?

How would I know?

She seemed more concerned
about her freak show brother.

Yeah, Heimdall.

He's really fascinating.

Yeah?

Well, good for you.

You be fascinated, whereas I
am this close to getting what

I want, and along
comes weasel face

and screws it up with
his lame I would lay

claim to the title, too, crap.

If it's lame, how come
you had a vision about it?

Traditionally when a god has
a vision it means something

important, not something lame.

Whose side are you on?

On your side, of course.

I'm just saying that visions are
usually visions for a reason.

Yeah, well no way am I
letting this vision come true.

Good for you.

Sidestep vision and move on.

That's just what
I'm going to do.

Come in, man, you have to.

TY JOHNSON [ON
PHONE]: Not today.

Yes today, today of all days.

I can't.

OLAF JOHNSON [ON PHONE]:
And I can't do this.

People keep ringing wanting
their stuff taken from one

place to another place.

Why can't they keep this
stuff to themselves?

Dawn and I have things
we need to talk about.

Well, then you're fired.

Fine.

OLAF JOHNSON [ON PHONE]:
Oh, I didn't mean that,

it was a threat to get
you to come to work.

I heard that's what bosses do.

I can't come in
today, Olaf, I'm sorry.

You?

You work in delivery,
you know how this works.

Pizza.

It's the same
principle, only edible.

Yeah, can't help you, grandpa.

Where's Stacey?

She's not here where
she's supposed to be.

She's still with Frigg?

Yes.

Where are they?

How would I know?

Well, she's your
girlfriend, so you

should know where she is.

You haven't had many
girlfriends, have you?

Sure you don't want coffee?

No, thank you.

Tea, water?

You know, Stacey, you don't
have to look after me 24/7.

Thing is I sort of do.

You'll get used to it.

What the fuck?

Hi.

Sorry, I won't stay long.

You shouldn't be here at all.

Did you follow me here?

God of stalking.

MIKE JOHNSON: The hunt.

God of the hunt.

Right, of course.

Not Odin.

MIKE JOHNSON: Odin hunts, too.

STACEY: Still shouldn't be here.

And I need to talk
to Hannah, not you.

Too bad.

Actually, Stacey, there's
a bakery just across the road

and down a bit, they do
these amazing savories.

Madam's Favorites.

Could you pop in there
please and get a few?

As you wish, my lady.

So weird being called my lady.

MIKE JOHNSON: Yeah, yeah.

I'd find that strange.

But she is right,
you shouldn't be here.

I presume Martin's
in with his--

Shrink?

Yeah.

The latest of many.

At least this one seems to
be helping a bit until he

walks out, sees you
here, and starts

smashing up the furniture.

Don't worry, I'll be gone.

Why are you here at all?

Did I not make myself clear?

I wanted to see you.

Before your
brother gets to me?

And I wanted to see
that your brother was OK.

Why on Earth would you be
concerned about my brother?

Because I seem to be the
cause of many of his problems.

Being Heimdall is the
cause of his problems,

although you're not helping.

Hm.

I imagine one of the
biggest problems being him

is that he's got no one to talk
to about it apart from you.

Well he's talked to
hundreds of people,

been prescribed loads of drugs.

Yeah, no, I mean the,
um, the god side of things.

He can't talk to a shrink
about that, can he?

Well when he does,
they tend to think

he's madder than he is.

But I know someone
who could help him.

Someone he could
talk to about all

that stuff and someone I think
he would really relate to.

If you want to give it a shot,
Stacey knows where to find me.

You said you're on my
side and then you help Mike?

Why wouldn't you help me?

I helped Mike for
the good of the family.

Yeah, well I
would have thought

this was the one time
the whole family would be

behind me, the rightful Odin.

But apparently I was wrong.

Apparently you're team Mike.

Axl, you need to pull
your head in right now.

You were with him at
the wedding shop, which

- means you know where she lives.
- Yes.

And you obviously don't
want me to go there, which

means you're siding with him.

It means nothing of the sort.

Give me one other
possible explanation!

Because your quest means
if you find this woman,

then Ty apparently turns
into the fully blown god

of darkness.

And we kind of live together.

So can you see how we
might want to figure out

how this could impact
on who sleeps which

side of the blast freezer?

Of course, the upside is
if you fail in this quest,

the world ends.

Yay.

So can you look past
your own self, Axl,

to see why Ty and I might
want some time here together

figuring this shit out?

And when I said I
couldn't go with you,

the thing I was
going to say next

was that I can give
you the address.

Oh.

Ass.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

So with him on this one.

Shh.

Hi.

I wasn't sure you'd
actually show.

Believe me, they
took some persuading.

Practically had to
torture Stacey to get her

to give up your whereabouts.

Yet another reason being
the handmaiden sucks.

Don't talk to him.
HANNA: Shush.

So where is this miracle person?

Upstairs.

Come on.

No.

Martin, listen to me.

This is important to me.

So we're going to go upstairs,
and if you don't like it,

you can bugger off to
any realm you like.

Martin, meet Ingrid,
Snotra meed Heimdall.

Things didn't quite run to
formal introductions before.

Are you all right now?

Sorry.

You didn't seem
so happy before.

Because I wasn't.

I so know what you mean.

I thought of all
the gods and goddesses

I know that Ingrid
might understand

most of all how Martin feels
trying to keep it all together.

Do you agree?

Yeah, I see that.

INGRID: Trust me,
I have been trying

to keep it together for
so many years with varying

degrees of success.

Yeah, anyway, I thought Martin
and Ingrid might like to talk,

especially given
that she's a goddess

so he doesn't have to
hide that side of himself.

INGRID: Also I have had
dealings with the mental health

side of things.

Yeah, and that.

So do you want to go
for a walk and talk?

I can't leave my sister.

Yes, you can.

What about him?

Stacey and I
can deal with him.

He's not the one for you.

That's not your call to make.

Now, you need to go with Snotra.

Snotra's wise.

There you go.

OK, well, let's go.

Nice work.

Thank you.

Fulla, can you
leave us, please?

What?

I need you to leave us now.

Don't you have your business
you need to attend to?

You sure this is wise?

I'm sure this is what I want.

I'll call you when I need you.

So what now?

Well, apparently I shouldn't
have even got this far.

So how about you?

Well, I haven't eaten all day.

Fancy lunch?

You know I had a bit of a
thing with her, don't you?

Frigg?

When she was Axl.

Oh man, is she hot?

Hotter than Axl.

Fuck, I wish I'd
been there to see that.

Sure you do.

Maybe could be
a special friend.

I thought I was
your special friend.

Surely you can never have
too many special friends.

[intercom beep]

Identify yourself.

AXL JOHNSON [ON INTERCOM]:
It's me, I need to talk to you.

All hail Odin mark one.

It's nothing to joke about.

Yeah, it does have this
wonderfully absurd side to it.

So how can I be of
service, my lord?

I need to talk to you.

Yeah I know, you said that
outside into the little box

at the door.

About Gaia.

What about her?
Have you heard from her?

No, but when I
mentioned her name,

you wanted to know, right?

- Even after all this time.
- As if.

Why, what are you getting at?

Bragi and Idun,
what was it like?

Bro, you know
what it was like.

You just about killed me
because of what it was like.

It was irresistible, right?

Yes, as I said back then,
and no one believed me.

So how come I met Frigg and
none of that happened to her?

How come she's going
to get back to me?

She's meant to be my one, right?

So how come I'm not having to
fight her off from jumping me?

Do you feel like jumping her?

Yeah.

Well I mean, I was a bit
confused at the beginning

because I looked
like her for a while.

But now differently.

Yeah.

Axl, the thing with Gaia
is that when she was Idun,

she could have looked
like you and I still would

have banged her on the spot.

So does the fact that she's
not exactly coming after me

mean that I'm not Odin?

What?

No, no.

You're him, OK?

You're the man.

Don't ever doubt that.

Then why isn't
she going for me?

Maybe it's different
for Odin and Frigg.

Maybe because they're
king and queen,

they're above all
that base wanting

to rip each other's
clothes off and go

at it like demented rabbits
kind of thing like me and Gaia.

Bragi and Idun, I mean.

You're making all that up.

Of course I am,
because that's what

you do you have no actual idea.

Look, Axl, you got to
rise above this, OK?

Be calm.

You are him, she is her,
and she will come to you.

AXL JOHNSON: What if she
goes for Mike instead?

ANDERS JOHNSON: She won't.

Go home, Axl.

When she turns up,
because she will turn up,

I want you to be all like,
what took you so long, bitch?

[laughter] Because that
is what Odin would do.

OK.

Thanks, man.

I know we've had a
bit of a shit time,

but it's good to know
that you're on my side.

100%, bro, always.

Oh man, I really
appreciate it.

You know, gods shouldn't
hug other gods, Axl.

But who cares?

But you didn't actually
call them that, did you?

You didn't say the words
scumbag maggot brainwashing

dickwads to my biggest clients?

They were an
advertising agency, Stace.

They deserve all the
abuse we can give them.

Not when they pay you money!

Then you're definitely
not going to like

what I said to the architects.

STACEY: Stupidest idea ever.

Oh thank God, Ty.

We have many things
to put right.

I'm not working today.

Yes, I can testify to that.

Please?

Sorry, we need
to speak to Olaf.

So these marriages
were after you became--

Oh, absolutely.

Two attempts to say
fuck you, destiny, I

am not waiting around
for some mythical prince

who probably won't even show.

End result, two
spectacular failures.

Ooh, pork skin jelly.

They got seasoning
black fungus salad.

Kids?

No.

You?

One failed
marriage and no kids.

Was she one of us?

No.

You?

No.

Both poor bastards
who had no idea they

were marrying into the world's
most dysfunctional family.

On behalf of my family,
I'd have to dispute that.

Oh you would, would you?

I never knew my mother.

My mother abandoned me in
favor of becoming a tree.

- [laughter]
- Yeah OK, you win there.

My father groomed me for
a lifetime of failure,

that my Prince Charming
would never come for me,

and that I would die
alone and unfulfilled.

OK, you-- you
definitely won that one.

And you've met my brother, so
you know he's less my brother

and more the child I never had.

But I have three
brothers who more than

make up for your one brother.

I have two failed
marriages, which

beats your one failed marriage.

So I win.

Yay me.

That's it.

That mumbo jumbo bullshit's
the best you've got?

I did warn you.

We are trying to figure
out, Olaf, this huge thing

in our relationship.

How to cope when one of us
becomes the god of darkness.

So when Ty tells me, oh,
I suppose we could ask

the family oracle, I say, cool.

You've got a family
oracle, how awesome.

I did say not to
get your hopes up.

Well, I did expect
a little bit more

than meaningless gibberish
about how unclear everything is.

Strictly speaking, you're
not part of our family circle

so I don't have to tell
you anything at all.

Which would leave me in the
exact same place I'm in now.

Olaf, sorry,
Dawn's a bit head up.

Yeah, I can see that.

All I'm saying
is what's the point

in having a family
oracle if they

can't tell you useful stuff?

I deal in an oral
tradition that goes

back countless generations.

OK, not countless,
but quite a few.

And oral traditions
are notoriously vague.

Someone doesn't speak up,
or someone gets drunk,

or there's a speech impediment,
and the message gets changed,

or the message gets lost.

As the last in a long line
of Chinese whisperers,

it is, quite frankly,
a fucking miracle

that I know anything at all!

Thanks.

So if your dad could speak, what
do you think he'd have to say

about two Odins turning up?

Being the world's
biggest pessimist,

he would probably
start by pointing

out one of you isn't him.

And then he would
add that inevitably I

will choose the wrong one.

I thought the rules
were that your choosing

determines the right one.

And who's to say the right
one isn't the wrong one?

That's way too deep for
a simple bloke like me.

You know what
the weird thing is?

I mean good weird as
opposed to bad weird,

like two Odins weird.

Because you were her for
a bit, when you finally

take Frigg to the
marital bed, it'll

be kind of like making
love to yourself.

But in the best possible way.

I can't do this.

I can't sit here waiting
when I know he's out there.

Going after her.

Can I just say that
whatever happens next,

I very much enjoyed lunch.

I've got a rider
on the way now.

And to make it up to you,
the next job's free, OK?

Great, thanks.

Shouldn't you
be somewhere else,

terrorizing your
boyfriend or something?

Well, I'm through that phase.

Now I want to meet
this Frigg of yours.

I don't know where she is.

Aren't you meant to
be at her beck and call?

It's not that simple.

I thought slavish devotion was
the basis of your relationship.

Unless, of course, she's
not the real Frigg.

She is.

So why aren't you with her?

Because I have
a business to run.

So you're her submissive,
but you get time off?

I have a life,
and she has a life.

And where is she having
her life at this moment?

I want to meet her
as a goddess sister.

I don't know where she is.

Yeah, you do.

No, I don't.

- Why are you lying to me?
- I'm not lying.

Yes, you are.

I want to make her
acquaintance, that's all.

Why is it such a big deal?

I don't know where she is,
but I know where I last saw her.

Which is where?

At what used to
be Mike's barn.

Was he there?

Yes.

And now her phone is turned off.

Sorry, I fell asleep.

Me too.

I have to go.

[laughter]

Hey, there!

If you can't achieve something
as silly as catching a seagull,

then why worry about
the things that

are truly beyond your control?
Oopsie.

Like the idiom, herding cats.

Yes, although I'm
quite good at getting

cats to do what I want.

I'm a bit of a cat whisperer.

Like herding Johnsons.

You say so, although
why you'd want to herd

that lot is beyond me.

That's my job.

Herding Johnsons?

To get them all to the
right place at the right time.

It's not as easy as it seems.

No, I imagine it isn't.

I hated being bad Cupid.

Bad Cupid?

MARTIN: Getting the wrong people
together, like Anders and Gaia.

I didn't like doing that,
but Axl couldn't be with her.

It would not have led him to
making the right conclusions.

Which were what?

That he is who he
is, the god among gods.

He needed to learn for himself
the path that he must take,

that seems wrong is right.

That's how we learn.

I had to steer him in
the right direction.

Do you require a lift?

Yeah, actually, I do.

Climb in.

INGRID: On what path?

MARTIN: To acceptance.

INGRID: Of what?

MARTIN: That he has a job to do.

Get him home, get
him on his way.

Stuck in downtown Norsewood,
no clothes, no money,

ready to come home.

Can you get me?

I never sent that text.

Pizza delivery.

That's me.

Dude, that is like a sign!

I'm going to find her.

I have never felt more
sure about anything

in my entire life.

Finally, Hallelujah.

Cats are herded,
everyone on course.

Time to tidy up the loose ends.

No!

No!

INGRID: You destroyed Yggdrasil?

MARTIN: Doesn't belong here.

Can't leave behind evidence.

You-- you think
I've done enough?

You think my job
would be-- be over?

No, no, no, no.

I had to bend the rules again.

Three times now.

Spell it out for him,
literally spell it out.

Still, the wrong one
gets there first.

All wrong.

Go away!

I've done the piece I can.

Over to her now.

It's her choice.

Can we just go back to that
thing about you destroying

Yggdrasil, which
just quietly robbed

me of the first decent
income I've ever had?

There can't be any
evidence afterwards.

Evidence of what after what?

Us, after the Gar.

The what?

The Gar.

Which is--

You don't know about the Gar?

No.

None of you?

Not that I'm aware of.

The Gar is the point of
everything I've done.

Without the Gar, we die.

Everybody dies.

Family oracle
reporting for business.

OK.

Proving that hope
triumphs over experience,

I need you to answer
some questions.

Nice opening, Mike.

Keep them coming.

I spent the afternoon
in the company of Frigg.

OLAF JOHNSON: Ah.

And when I say in
the company, I mean,

you know, in the company.

Oh, intriguing you move fast.

Thing is, she was the one
doing most of the moving.

I was there for the ride.

And the ride was--

Remarkable.

And unexpected.

Indeed.

For the goddess of marriage
to so easily give it

up to the first wannabe
Odin who buys her

a drink does seem unusual.

Mind you, and in myths
Frigg's a bit of a slut.

Don't talk about
her like that.

I humbly apologize.

She chose me, grandpa.

In a sense, definitely.

There's no denying that.

But does it mean
you're the All-Father?

I don't feel a surging of
bolder power through my veins.

Yes.

Yes, we have always assumed
that it would happen

when Frigg and Odin got it on.

But maybe we were wrong.

We've been wrong before.

Exactly.

Or you're not Odin, to
name another possibility.

She chose me.

There's definitely
something there.

She clearly feels it.

And I feel it, too.

She's a love goddess.

Love goddesses are, by
definition, easy to love.

I don't want you confusing god
feelings with real feelings.

All right?

What if the two are
inextricably linked?

Hey.

Hello.

All my--

I don't know what you call them.

Advisors seems
too strong a word.

They all said that I should
wait for you to come to me,

but I'm no good at waiting.

So-- I'm Axl Johnson.

Contrary to popular opinion,
I'm not named after the dude

from Guns N Roses,
part of a car.

It actually means something
along the lines of father

of peace, which is weird since
I was named 21 years before I

became Odin, the All-Father.

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you.

You do get that
I'm him, right?

I mean, you feel it, too?

It's not just me?

Because when I look at you, I
totally get that you are her,

and it feels like I've reached
the end of this really, really

long road.

We should go
somewhere, do something.

We could go inside.

Oh, fuck no, not in there.

It's like a prison.

I mean something fun.

Because this stuff is getting
way too serious for me.

You do do meaningless
fun, don't you, Axl?

Yeah.

That's one of the
things I'm best at.

OK, let's go.

Oh, you're here.

Yes, I am.

Are the others?

They were, then Mike left
enigmatically so it's just me.

We need others.

Any particular others?

As many as possible with
the last name Johnson.

Where's Hanna?

I have no idea.

Do you know what a Gar is?

It's some kind
of flightless bird.

No.

Then no.

I thought as much.

Do you love Hanna?

Hey.

I her handmaiden, and
that is where it ends.

I don't mean like that, though
that is good to rule that out.

I mean, do you feel
love towards her?

I feel duty towards her,
if that's what you mean.

No, love, as in
feelings of love.

I've only just met her.

Yeah, exactly.

OK, you're going to have
to spell this one out for me.

As a love goddess, I wonder
if her power is she gets people

to fall in love with her.

Yeah, not me.

Right.

Why, are you--

holy shit balls, are
you in love with her?

I don't know.
I'm, uh, confused.

One lunch and
you fall in love.

What are you, a
fucking teenager?

There was a lot
more than lunch, OK?

Oh.

Oh, you didn't.

I knew I shouldn't ever
leave you two alone.

But you did, and we did.

Then she went all Cinderella
on me and did a runner.

And what I want to
know is was it real?

Real as in are you
actually in love with her

or did she pull some
Anders type thing

and take advantage of you?

Yeah, something like that.

I've got no idea
what her power is.

Hey.

Decided to show
up for work, did we?

There's not a lot else
I can do at home, so yeah,

actually, because I thought
you might need a hand.

Thanks, that's
actually fantastic.

Actually, I need
to talk to you.

Of course you do.

Sorry, tried.

OK, a busy day for Mike, then.

It wasn't part of
the plan, I swear.

Oh, you had a plan?

Not as such.

I just figured if I got
to know Hanna better--

You'd stand a
better chance when

she played eenie, meenie,
miney, moe and chooses her Odin.

I just wanted to
know her some more.

Which you did, Mike,
in the biblical sense.

And the Earth did not move.

I wouldn't say that.

For the rest of us.

Nothing on that
front is clear.

Yeah, well try telling
that to Dawn, who is

at home quietly melting down.

Dawn is a big fan of clear.

Tell you one thing certain.

I don't want Axl
ending up with her.

As Odin?

As anybody.

We've been looking
for you for ages.

I know.

You knew?

Yeah, I knew
someone was looking.

Martin's not very good
at hiding stuff from me.

He didn't tell me who it was
or let me help because it's

against the rules, apparently.

The rules which only he
knows and that then has hid.

Would've really sped things
up if you had of come to us.

Which would have
broken rule number one,

he must come to you so
that you may treat him.

It's a pretty naff
rule, if you ask me.

Yeah, me too.

But I reckon things
are looking up now, eh?

Oh, yeah.

Now I'm spoiled for choice.

When I was you,
were you aware of it?

What?

I turned into you for a while.

It's an Odin thing, the
power to shapeshift.

I changed into you.

Freaky.

Yeah.

I see now that it was a sign.

I guess.

Yeah.

Weird shit all around, eh?

That was really fun.

Yeah it was, I needed that.

Cool.

So now what?

Your phone's ringing.

- I know.
- You should get it.

Yes?

I'm calling a thing.

AXL JOHNSON [ON PHONE]: What?

A thing at Mike's, now.

[WHISPERING] I'm gonna go.

Uh, does it have to be now?

Yes.

Hang on.
Are you sure?

This won't take long.

Yeah, I'm going to go,
but I'll see you soon.

This thing better be
pretty fucking important.

Biggest thing ever.

Hey.

Ah, cometh the hour,
cometh the man.

Can we do this thing now please?

Yes, we can.

Sorry, Mike, I was
a bit busy with Frigg.

You sleep with her, too?

What is up with this chick?

No, we played video games.

What do you mean, too?

INGRID: OK, right, before we get
sidetracked into recriminations

over who slept
with who, and when,

and what it means in the
greater run of things,

this here and now
is where you lot

need to shut up and listen
for once in your lives

because all of your
lives are at stake.

Hi, Frigg, I'm Michelle,
also known as Sjofn.

We haven't met, but I
thought it was time we did.

Hello, Sjofn.

Don't know about you, but I
could murder a cup of tea.

If anyone here knows
what a Gar is, hands up.

Thought as much.

OK, so the Gar, as
we have learned today

thanks to Martin here
putting us right,

is the ceremony where Frigg
and Odin are reunited.

Let me guess, it
happens in a forest?

Well done Anders, although
I also put that much.

It does nothing else.

Pot, kettle, black.

How have you two
fucked up, grandpa?

INGRID: Fucked up is harsh.

I'd say more arrived late
to the point of knowledge.

And what knowledge are
we talking about here?

The knowledge of how the
whole Odin-Frigg thing happens.

Which is not one
with them, you know--

Making the beast
with two backs, no.

Sjofn, that's not a goddess
that I'm that familiar with.

Not many people are.

The books tend to write
off as a minor goddess.

That's not very nice.

No.

At best I'm you,
but not so much.

Ah, but you're not
another handmaiden, are you?

No.

The polar opposite, in fact.

Well that's good, because I'm
not entirely sure I can handle

one handmaiden, let alone two.

Basically, Frigg arrives
at the Gar with her Odin,

and then she chooses
him for all eternity.

Now theoretically, there
is only usually one,

so we might have to witness,
but when we get there.

Oh, fuck sakes.

Then they are joined
together in-- in--

- what did you call it?
- In the pure light.

The pure light.

Which sounds lovely, doesn't it?

The thing is, Hanna, there
are a few of us goddesses

who have decided
to work together.

Ah, I didn't know that.

But then, I am new on the scene.

It hasn't taken you long
to get around, has it?

How do you mean?

MICHELLE BROCK:
We goddesses feel

that a return to the old ways
would be a big step backwards.

Which old ways are these?

MICHELLE BROCK: The old ways
are where Odin and his god mates

rule, and we goddesses,
especially minor goddesses,

aren't more than just things
to be passed around and used.

Doesn't sound very good.

No.

Luckily, the only
way this can happen

is if Odin and
Frigg are reunited.

And there are ways of
stopping that, hear me?

I'm sure there
are many, many ways

to stop the union
of Odin and Frigg,

if that is what you want.

Biscuit?

I'm good, thanks.

At the Gar, all nine realms
need to be represented.

Odin and his Frigg are
there for AsGard, obviously.

The Vanaheim, which is
the realm of the vanir,

will be represented by Ingrid.

Then there's MidGard, the
realm of humans, which is Ty.

But I'm a god again.

It's just representing, Ty.

Also, you do love
humans more than most.

We chose who was going to be
who before you arrived to help

curtail the arguments.

What arguments?

Anders, you are Nidavellir,
the realm of the dwarves.

Oh, what, because
I'm the shortest?

Oh, fuck you guys
and your stereotypes.

These arguments.

No, because you are the most
dwarvish of us all in that

you talk the most crap.

So yeah, deal with it.

We did a little bit of
casting according to type.

Which is why I'm proud
to represent Jotunheim,

the home of the giants.
Because I'm the tallest.

Yeah, we got it, grandpa.

And Stacey, because you're
short, and despite the fact

that she's a dark
creature, she gets Alfheim,

the realm of light elves.

Michelle is Nilfheim.

That's the realm of
the dead, isn't it?

Well, this seemed
most appropriate

given recent circumstances.

Bags on me to tell her.

Removing Odin from the
equation was our first thought,

but that comes
with complications.

Natural disasters and the death
of all of his blood relatives,

including Mike, which
would be a pity.

The natural disasters thing
wouldn't be too flesh, either.

Are you aware that Mike was,
until very recently, my lover?

My boyfriend, the
guy I lived with,

whatever you want to call it.

No, I wasn't.

Didn't think he'd mention
it while he was fucking you.

Now Svartalfheim I'm
afraid, is a tad contemptuous.

In that whoever
doesn't get the shoulder

tap as Odin is expected to not
throw his toys out of the cot

and front up on behalf
of the dark elves.

Yeah, well, one of us
is more suited to being

a dark elf than the other.

INGRID: Elvishness is not about
height, Axl, it's about heart.

No, it was the dark
that I was referring to.

INGRID: At the Gar,
all of the nine realms

need to be represented.

Otherwise it's a no-go.

So if anyone packs their
sand and doesn't want to play,

the whole thing's off.

Of course, the other
way to stop the union

is to remove Frigg
from the equation.

TY JOHNSON: There
are nine realms.

Thank you, Ty, well spotted.

You've only mentioned eight.

Yes, well, we
were rather caught

one short at short notice.

So there's been
something of a ringer.

ZEB: Is that my cue?

Muspelheim in the house.

Realm of the fire giants.

Born to represent.

Have you talked
about after the Gar?

After the pure light,
what happens then?

No, we were just
getting to that.

Well, that's the best bit!

What happens after, grandpa?

Now, here I'm afraid
it would be fair to say

we got it spectacularly wrong.

Sorry.

What about the third option?

What third option?

That Frigg is
actually on your side.

Martin!