All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S05E26 The Editor 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

[music playing]

NARRATOR: Eastman
Kodak Company is

happy to bring you America's
favorite family, the Nelsons:

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.

They like to go places,
enjoy happy times together.

And like most of us, they
enjoy these moments over

again in pictures.

Often, they send snapshots
to their friends.

That's an idea you can follow.

With every letter
you write, why not

send along two or
three recent pictures?

What better way to
keep your family

close together even
when you're miles apart.

They're the next best
thing to a personal visit.

To keep your family
news up to date,

why not take some
pictures this weekend?

Make a note right now
to pick up a roll or two

of dependable Kodak film, the
film in the familiar yellow

box.

And now, Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

[music playing]

- Hello, dear.

- Oh, hi.

The Woman's Club
meeting over so soon?

- Uh-huh.

Would you and the boys help me
get some things out of the car?

- Oh, sure.

Dave?

Rick?

Will you help me get some things
out of the car for your mother?

- Oh, hi, Mom.

- Hello, boys.

- If you need any help,
just give me a yell.

[laughter]

- Nice work, Daddy-o.

[laughter]

- Thank you.

I thought it was, too.

Do they need any help
with anything out there?

- No, I think they
can handle it.

It's just a mimeograph, machine
paper, and things like that.

- Well, wait a minute.

What are you doing
with all that stuff?

- Well, you are now looking at
the editor of the Woman's Club

News.
- You're the editor?

You're kidding?
- No.

It's just this one
issue, of course,

while our regular
editor is on vacation.

But it's still quite an honor.

- Well, you're darn right it is.

How'd you get stuck with it?

[laughter]

- It was easy.

I was late getting
to the meeting,

and they elected me
before I got there.

[laughter]

- What's all this
stuff for, Mom?

- Oh, we now have a newspaper
woman in the family, Dave.

Your mother's just been elected
editor of the Women's Club

News.
- Gee, that's swell.

- What happened, Mom, were
you late to the meeting?

[laughter]

- Never mind.

Hey, where's the
mimeograph machine?

- Mimeograph machine?

Did you see a
mimeograph machine?

- What mimeograph machine?

- Well, they put it in the car.

It had better be there.

Gee, I hope it wasn't stolen.

- Oh, I don't think
anybody would steal it.

Maybe the boys
just didn't see it.

I'll go look.

- If you need any help,
Pop, give us a yell.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- And now, to our right,
ladies and gentlemen,

is the office of our editor.

- Oh, very interesting!

- Also, our copy
chief, reporter,

linotype operator, pressmen,
paper boy, and grease monkey.

[laughter]

- Oh, all right, you guys,
now look what you made me do.

"A delightful tea party was
held Wednesday afternoon

at the home of Mrs.
Alois' grease monkey."

[laughter]

- Leave it in, Mom, it'll
be the talk of the town.

- Looks like you're working
pretty hard there, Mom.

- Well, I have
today and tomorrow.

It has to be in the
mail before on Monday.

- And how much would you
pay for a real hot scoop?

- Well, it depends.
What is it?

- Oh, I don't know yet.
How much would you pay?

- Come on, Elvis.
Let Mom get to work.

- OK, well, think it over, Mom.

I can be pretty nosy
if there's money in it.

[laughter]

- OK, I will.

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Marion.

Sure.

Oh, really?

That's wonderful.

Yes, I'll work it in.

Thanks for calling about it.

Bye.

- Who was that?
- Marion Thomas.

She's repainting her
living room today.

That is, her husband is.

They're going to
paint it pale green.

- Oh, that sounds nice.

- Oh, I'd better
make a note of that.

- You mean you're going
to put that in the paper?

- Well, sure.

- Well, hey, that's not news.

Who cares if she's painting
her living room or not?

- Well, she does.

Besides, I have to say
something about her.

She donated the paper
for this edition.

[laughter]

- Well, that's different.

- I have to say something nice
about Mrs. Van Courtney, too.

- What is she donating, the ink?

[laughter]

- She's going to donate
the funds for a new wing

on the Women's Club.

- No kidding?

Now that's what I call news.

You going to give it
the full treatment?

- Well, I've started,
and how's this?

"Mrs. Van Courtney
has graciously

volunteered to donate
the funds to complete

the new wing on our clubhouse."

- Oh, that's a good start.

It ought to make a nice
article when you finish it.

- What do you mean finish it?

That's it.

[laughter]

- Gee, that's all you're
going to say about it?

- Well, it's a small paper.

We have lots of news
and not much space.

- Well, you're the editor.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello?

Yes, Marion.

No, not yet.

Yes, I will.

Thank you.

It's Marion again.
She changed her mind.

She's going to have her
husband paint the living room

beige instead of pale green.

[laughter]

- I hate to interfere,
but who cares

about silly things like that?

Why don't you get out and
get some real news, something

with a little spice
and kick to it?

- Well, that's not
as easy as it sounds.

I've got plenty
to do right here.

- Well, you ought
to get some help.

What you need is a reporter.

- Good idea.

You're hired.

[laughter]

- I don't mean me.

- I do.

I hereby designate
you a star reporter.

[laughter]

[telephone ringing]

- Now, wait a minute.

If I'm the reporter, I'm
supposed to answer the phone.

- Hello?

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh, well, I'll take the message.

I'm acting as sort
of a reporter.

The whole can of paint.

I see.

Well, thank you very much.

Goodbye.

All right.

Your star reporter
has his first scoop.

- Don't tell me Marion
changed her mind again?

- Yes, she did.

That was her husband.

He just dumped the can
of paint over her head.

[laughter]

[music playing]

I won't be late.

- Where are you going?

- I have to get some news.

- You're kidding?

- No, I'm going to
snoop around a bit

and see what I can
dig up, put some life

in that paper of yours.

- OK, I'll have your
bail money ready.

[laughter]

Have you started the story
on Mrs. Van Courtney yet?

- No, not yet.

I can't seem to find the
right angle, the gimmick,

the twist it needs.

You know, that
indefinable something

that makes a front-page story
out of a plain news item?

- You've been watching
those old movies again.

[laughter]

- I'll see you.
- Bye.

- Goodbye.

- Hey, wait a minute, Pop,
we got something for you.

- Oh, well, I'm in
a bit of a hurry.

I'm going to go out and get some
news for your mother's paper.

- Well, you're not
properly attired.

Every reporter
has to have a hat.

[laughter]

- Well, thank you, fellas.

It's real jazzy.

[laughter]

- Oh, hi, Oz, is
Harriet at home?

- Oh, yes.
She's right inside, Doc.

- I got an idea for the paper.

- Well, then I'm the
guy you're looking for.

See, I'm the star reporter.
[laughter]

- Oh, I see.

- A gag the boys pulled on me.

Well, I'm looking
for some news, Doc.

Do you have any?

- Well, not exactly, but
I've been thinking, Oz,

how about a medical
column for the paper?

- Oh, gee, this is just a
little Women's Club paper.

- Well, sure, Oz, but
the women will love it.

I got the first article
written already.

"Your health and how to keep it
by Frank Elroy Williams, M.D."

- Well, gee, I'm sure
it's very interesting,

but, gee, this is about 10 pages
longer than the whole paper's

supposed to be.

Try and cut it down a
little, can you, Doc?

[music playing]
- Oh, OK, Oz.

I'll see what I can do.

- I don't know, Mr. Nelson.

Nothing much has
happened in here lately.

[piano music]

Oh, wait a minute.

Mrs. Edelbrock had two of those
super banana splits in here

yesterday afternoon.

You know, the great big ones?

[laughter]

- Oh.

Well, I realize that's quite
a gastronomical achievement,

but it isn't quite
what I had in mind.

- Well, I'll keep my eyes open.

- Well, thank you very much.

- I wouldn't have believed
it if I hadn't seen it

with my own eyes.

I wouldn't be caught dead
wearing a hat like that.

- I don't understand it.

She usually has such
good taste in clothes.

- Say, I heard some
interesting news today.

Did you hear about
Marjorie Dillon?

Oh, don't tell me she's
having another baby.

- Oh, no.
Nothing like that.

But Mary Henshaw tells me
that Marjorie's husband got

a promotion at the plant,
and that now they're

going to buy that big modern
house out on Elm Drive.

You know, the one
the Hendersons built?

- You sure?

Well, I don't want to
contradict you, dear,

but I don't think her
husband got a promotion.

My brother-in-law works
out there, too, you know.

He says Joe was just
transferred to another section

with a different title.

Well, maybe you're right.

[laughter]

- You know Mary.

She means well, but she
usually gets things mixed up.

- Oh, I think I'll have
a pineapple sundae.

Oh, I think I'll have
some hot chocolate.

- Hot chocolate.

[laughter]

- You, know I don't remember any
big modern house on Elm Drive.

You must mean Poplar Street.

No.

Well, yes, maybe
you're right at that.

Oh well, it doesn't matter.

If Joe didn't get the
promotion, they probably

won't be moving anyway.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Oh, you mean
you're really working

on this paper, this
Woman's Club News?

- Well, I'm just
helping Harriet out.

See, she's the
editor temporarily.

It's a pretty corny
thing, you know.

- Oz is right.

It's a pretty corny paper.

"That Mrs. So-and-so
baked a new kind of cake."

OZ AND DARBY: [chuckling]

- "Mrs. So-and-so won the door
prize at the Thursday tea."

- All interesting items.

- Incidentally, Oz,
I shot on 83 today.

- Oh, good for you.

- Yes, sir, an 83.

That's my best score.

I was low man out there today.

- I was low man last Saturday.

- Oh, that's just because
I was up at the lake.

By the way, I caught
a 14-pounder up there.

- Oh, look, fellas,
these are all good items

if it were a men's club paper.

But it's a women's
club paper, and we

want news about the women.

- Oh, well, then you're in the
wrong locker room aren't you?

[laughter]

- Well, I couldn't
get in the other one.

[laughter]

See, what I'm trying to
do is get the women's news

from the husband's angle.

- Sure, well, there you are.

"Mrs. Darby's husband
was low man today."

[laughter]

- Here you are, gentlemen.

Compliments of Mr. Van Courtney.

He set them up for everybody.

- Oh, well, what'd he
do, score a hole in one?

- Oh, no, no, no.

He was playing with
Mrs. Van Courtney,

and he beat her
today by 2 strokes.

- Well, that's just dandy.

- My sentiments exactly.

- I'll take his drink,
but that doesn't

seem like such a big deal, does
it, beating your wife at golf?

- Oh, are you kidding?

Mrs. Van Courtney's
a terrific golfer.

I understand she used
to play in tournaments.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, I don't
believe I know her.

- How about that Van, donating
all that money to the Woman's

Club for the new wing?

- No, no, wait a minute.

It's Mrs. Van Courtney
who's donating it, isn't it?

At least that's
the way I heard it.

- Well, of course, that's
the Women's version,

but you and I know where
that money's coming from.

- Yep, darn right.

Van is the guy that
ought to get the credit.

- Hey, wait a minute.
This is it.

This is what?

- Well, the angle
I've been looking for.

See, I was going to do
an article for the paper

about Mrs. Van Courtney's
donating the money,

but this is even better.

It's the man bites dog thing.

Mr. Van Courtney donating
this money to a woman's club.

- Sure, there's your story.

- That's it.

- Oz.

Hey, Oz.

- Pardon me, fellas.

Hiya, Doc.

- I've been looking
all over for you.

I got my article cut
down to one page.

- Oh, gee, I'm going to do quite
an extensive story on Mr. Van

Courtney.

Do you suppose you could cut
this down just a little more?

[laughter]

- OK, Oz.

- See what you can do, Doc.

[music playing]

- Mr. Van Courtney?
- Well, certainly.

He's the one who is
putting up the money.

- Well, I'll bet Mrs. Van
Courtney talked him into it.

You know, this donation
is pretty important.

Why don't you just write a nice
little notice about how much

the new wing means
to the club, and how

delighted we are that the Van
Courtneys are donating it,

and let it go at that?

- Well, Harriet,
for goodness' sakes,

when you're reporting
a big story,

you've got to do it right.

You're passing up a good thing.

Don't forget, you're the editor.

You'll get all the credit.

- Well, I'll let you
put it on one condition.

- OK.
Name it.

- You be the editor, and
you take all the credit.

[laughter]

- Oh, Harriet.

Come in.

- What do you think
about this, Oz?

"Medical Advice in a
Capsule by Doc Williams."

[laughter]

[music playing]

[applause]

[music playing]

I, A, L, S.

- Period.

- Period the--

- That little dot down here.

[laughter]

- How much more have
you got to type?

- Well, just this one little
item about Mr. Van Courtney.

I can squeeze it in at
the bottom of the page.

- Is it important?

- Well, I think it's
kind of interesting.

It adds a little
color to the story.

See, Mrs. Van Courtney's
a pretty good golfer,

but Mr. Van Courtney's
been practicing,

and he's beaten
her several times.

So I just thought I'd
slip in the item there.

Mr. Van Courtney has been
beating his wife regularly

at golf.

- Well, that ought
to make him happy.

- Say, why don't you
alert the printers

and tell them we'll be
ready to roll just as soon

as I finish this sentence?

- OK.

Fellas, printers.

[laughter]

- What's the matter, Mom?

- You got about 3/4 of
an hour more to sleep.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- OK, roll the presses.

Copy boy?

- Yes, sir?

- Take page three
down to composing.

- Come on, boy, on your feet.

Get those presses rolling.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Oh, I see you have
the pages all stacked.

That's swell, Rick.

- Yes, there's 1, 2, 3, and 4.

- Where's the stapler?

- I've got it, Pop.

- Oh.

Harriet, could you give
us a hand here, please?

- Yeah.

- See if we can get
a system started.

Pardon me.

4, 3, 2, 1, and staple.

OK?

OK, Rick.

Start the line.

4, 3, 2, 1, and staple.

[music playing]

OK.

Speed it up a little here.

That's the stuff.

Speed it up.

Steady does it.

Speed it up.

- How about you?

- Harriet, I'm the editor.

- Get in line.

[laughter]

- OK, come on, boys, we're
heading down the home stretch.

- 4.

- 3.

- 2.

- At least Dad isn't
addressing Christmas cards.

[laughter]

- Mrs. Leo Jones.

M-R-S.

- Period.

[laughter]

- Yes, yes, I know.

- You sure you don't want us
to take these down to the post

office for you now?
- No thanks, Dave.

The mailbox on the
corner will be fine.

- I'll race you
down there, David.

- How's it read?

- Oh, fine.

The story about the Van
Courtneys is very interesting.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

Something the matter?

- This little item you
added about Mr. Van Courtney

certainly gives the
story a lot of color.

- Well, I thought so.

- "Mr. Van Courtney has been
beating his wife regularly."

[laughter]

- "At golf."

- Doesn't say "at golf" here.

Just says, "Mr. Van Courtney
has been beating his wife

regularly."

- I typed in at golf at
the bottom of the page.

- It must have typed it too
far down on the stencil,

and it didn't come out.

- Well, Harriet,
this is terrible.

Do you realize if the
Van Courtneys see this,

they can sue us?
- Us?

You're the editor.

[laughter]

- Not only that, they
might withdraw their offer

to build a new wing
on the Women's Club.

- If they do, the women
will tear you apart.

[laughter]

- I got to stop the boys
before they mail these.

Which mailbox was it?
Do you know?

- Well, I don't know.

You said the one in
the corner, didn't you?

[music playing]

[laughter]

- What's the matter, Pop?

- Don't mail any
of the newspapers.

There's been a
typographical error,

and the whole thing could
be very embarrassing.

You didn't mail any, did you?

- Well, Mom gave me some bills
to mail, and I mailed those.

But I don't know whether I put
any newspapers in there or not.

- We got most of 'em right here.

- Well, that isn't enough, Dave.

We got to have all of 'em.

Let's divide them into
thirds and count them.

There are 305, 305 divided by 3.

Let's each take a
pile and count them.

[music playing]

- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

- Hey, come on, Ricky,
count to yourself, will you?

- I got 107.

How many you got, Dave?

- I've got 101.

That's 208.
- 208.

How many you got, Rick?

- I have 104.

- 208, 104.

- It's 312.

We only started out with 305.

[laughter]

- I got a better idea.

Let's take 'em home, and I'll
check them against the mailing

list with your mother.

[music playing]

- Tyson.

- Check.

- Atkinson.

- Check.

- Acme cleaners.

Ac--

- Oh, that's a bill
I gave Ricky to mail.

[laughter]

- Who does that leave?

- Boxton, Kramer,
and Van Courtney.

- Well, we're sunk.

- You sure you can't
get them back, huh?

- Oh, no, Harriet.

Once you put something in
the mailbox, that's it.

The only thing I
can do is to go over

to Van Courtney's the
first thing in the morning

and hope he hasn't
read the paper yet,

get the old one back, and
give him a corrected copy.

- Where are you going to
get the corrected copy?

- Well, I'll make one up.

All I have to do is type up an
extra page with "at golf" on it

and add it to the
end of the paper.

- What do you mean
an extra page?

305 extra pages.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Yeah.

Come on, boys.

Let's get out the old stencil
and get to work again.

Dave?

Ricky?

David?

Rick?

Come on out, you cowards.

[laughter]

- Mr. Van Courtney?

- Oh, yes?

- A Mr. Ozzie Nelson to see you.

He says it's very urgent.

- Oh, yes, fine.

Have him come right in.

- Good morning,
Mr. Van Courtney.

Have you read the paper yet?

- Why, yes, I have.

I was just reading
it at breakfast.

- Oh, well, see, I can explain.

It was a typographical error.

The words were correct, but what
they didn't come out that way.

- What words are
you talking about?

I didn't find any error?

Of course, all I've read
is the financial page.

- What paper are
you talking about?

- It's the morning paper.

- Oh, well, what about
the Women's Club News?

- What's that?
[laughter]

[music playing]

- Oh, it's a Women's Club paper,
and I wrote an article about--

That is, there was an article
in the paper about you.

- Oh, well, isn't that nice.

And you say you're
responsible for it?

- Are you sure you
haven't read it?

- No, I haven't.

The morning mail hasn't arrived.
- Oh.

- Here it is right
here, Mr. Van Courtney.

- Oh, thank you, very much.

I bet your copy is
right in the mail.

- Pardon me.

[laughter]

Yes, here we are.

[laughter]

Well, I brought you
a later edition.

- Oh, thank you very much.

- All right, next to
the last page there.

Here, be my guest.

I hope you like it.

- Hey, this is quite
an article here.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

We have a few little human
interest touches there.

- What's this?

- Well, turn the page.

It's on the other page.

- Oh, yes.

I have turned the page.

- Well, doesn't
it say "at golf"?

- Yes, but I sure hope
my wife doesn't see this.

- Well, you have been beating
her regularly at golf,

haven't you?
- That's exactly it.

Now, Golf has gotten to
be a pretty touchy subject

around here.

You see, Mrs. Van Courtney is
rather a high-spirited woman,

and she's pretty serious
about her golf game.

- Oh, I see.

- Now, if you'd have
left this last page off,

that would have been fine.

[laughter]

- And then it would
have just said

you've been beating
her regularly.

- Well, yes.

I know, but that would
be so preposterous

that I'm sure she'd get
a big kick out of it.

She has a wonderful
sense of humor.

- Oh, I think I
see what you mean.

In other words, you're a man
of such obvious sensitivity

that naturally you
wouldn't be brutal enough

to strike your
wife, so everybody

would accept it as a big joke?

- Exactly.

Especially when-- That is,
you've met Mrs. Van Courtney,

haven't you?

- No, I've never seen her.

- Oh, well, just a minute.

- Uh, baby doll?

Could you come here
a minute, please?

- You'll see what
I mean in a minute.

- Did you call me, Henry?

[laughter]

- I'd like you to
meet Mr. Nelson.

- How do you do?

[laughter]

- She is a big one, yes.

[laughter]

Well, I don't want
to detain you.

I know you're
waiting to play golf.

- I'm going to beat
his brains out today.

[laughter]

- I have a feeling this is
going to be your day, my dear.

- Well, it's awfully nice
to have met you folks.

- Oh, goodbye, Mr. Nelson.
- Mr. Van Courtney.

- Goodbye.

[laughter]

- I'll rush home and
kill this last page.

- Yes, please hurry, will you?

Nice little fella, isn't he?

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Oh, dear, you're back early?

- Yeah, I have one--

Where are the newspapers, the
new ones with the extra pages?

- Oh, the boys
just took them down

to the corner to mail them.
- Zo!

[laughter]

[music playing]

[laughter]

Dave!

Rick!

- Well, I got 119.

How many you got, Rick?

- I have 122.

- 119, 122, that's 241.

How many you got, Dave?

- Well, I have 113.

- Let's see.

That's 354.

[laughter]

We only started out with what?

- 305.

[laughter]

- Look, fellas, let's count 'em
again, and count 'em carefully,

huh?

- 1.

- 1.
- 1.

- 2.
- 2.

- 3.
- 3.

- 3.
4.

- 4.
- 5.

- 5.
- 6.

- 6.
- 6.

- 5.
- 7.

8.
- 8.

- 8.
- 8.

[laughter]

- 11, 12, 13, 14.

15.
- 15.

- 1.

- 16, 17.

- 2.

[laughter]

[music playing]

NARRATOR: "Ozzie and Harriet"
are brought to you by Kodak,

makers of new
Verichrome Pan film

for the best black and
white snapshots that

ever came out of your camera.

This has been an ABC television
network film presentation.