Original subtitles

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Evening, folks.

We're looking for a friend of ours--

Professor Ogden Coles.

Uh, older man, white hair, scholarly type.

Oh, forget it, Brisco.

They ain't gonna tell us nothin'.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

Huh?

Uh...

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

Where'd you learn that?

Harvard.

Chinese 101.

Well, they ain't answerin' you.

You sure it wasn't Japanese 101?

Might've been.

Aah!

Uhh!

Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?

Uh-oh.

Let's go!

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Go!

Is it me,

or was that the best-looking gang you've ever seen?

Brisco, this business is gettin' too darn glamorous.

[GROANS]

You alright?

Yes, I think so.

It's Coles' tent, alright, Brisco,

but the Professor ain't nowhere to be seen.

Brisco.

Are you Brisco County Jr.?

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, thank God you're here!

[MEN SPEAKING CHINESE]

I don't know what I would've done

if you hadn't gotten here when you did.

Uh, well, you'll excuse me, but who are you?

Lillian Coles.

The professor's daughter?

Yes. He didn't tell you?

Uh, no.

Well, he told me about you,

about the time he saved your life, for instance.

Brought him back from the dead is more like it.

This is my partner, Lord Bowler.

Ma'am.

I'm sure the orb helped.

You know about the orb?

Don't everybody?

I know the orb is a one-of-a-kind object.

I know in the right hands, it can be very powerful.

In the wrong, very dangerous.

And I know those men were here to steal it.

My father sent me a telegram.

He said he was in danger. That I should come quickly.

Yeah. We got a similar telegram.

What you wanna bet that gang's working for John Bly?

My father would die before he gave John Bly the orb, Mr. County.

You have to help me find him

before John Bly does,

before it's too late.

Don't you worry. We'll find him.

I'll just go outside

and check to see if I can pick up a trail.

What is that?

Medicine.

Medicine? For what?

Arthritis.

Really?

A woman your age?

It's an unusual condition.

It's a special medication.

BOWLER: Brisco!

Picked up some wagon tracks

on the north side of the camp.

Somebody went through a lot of trouble to cover 'em up.

We better get going.

How do you know those tracks belong to my father?

I know.

But they could belong to anybody.

With all due respect, Ma'am, I saw the professor's wagon

in Poker Flats a few months ago.

The right rear wheel was slightly shaved on the outside

due to a faulty brake shoe.

The left front had a broken spoke

just outside the mortise hole.

It was his wagon, alright.

You can tell all that just by looking at the tracks?

Don't every picture tell a story?

I'm going with you.

Uh-uh. No, you're not.

See, we work alone.

That is, together...

a-alone.

Mr. County, please.

Well, she'll be safer with us.

I'll get my horse.

Hyah!

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

Howdy.

Hello.

You seem lost.

Actually, I am.

I'm looking for 777 1/2 Carney Street,

but there doesn't seem to be a half.

There is,

but not everyone can see it.

You?

Come.

There is not much time.

Who are you?

Li Pao.

Why did you send for me?

Brisco County Jr. said that if I ever needed help and he was not around,

to contact you.

He did?

Well, in that case,

what can I do for you, Mr. Pao?

Not Mr. Pao.

Not Li. Not Pao.

Not Mr. Li Pao.

Li Pao.

Right.

I was Brisco's father's friend.

Long ago, I carved the ivory handle for his gun.

And?

Certain powers,

powers beyond the imagination,

is about to converge.

It all has to do with the orb

and Brisco County Jr.'s destiny with it.

His destiny?

And yours.

Excuse me?

You, too, have a destiny with the orb.

Because without your help,

history, as it is about to become, will never be.

Sorry. I pass.

Take this.

What?

The key.

To what?

Stopping John Bly.

No. Look, I've never been very good with mechanical objects.

Shh.

John Bly is closer than ever

to usurping the power of the orb.

You must take this key and deliver it immediately to Brisco.

That's impossible. He's out of town.

He went to Barton Falls.

Let the key be your guide.

Like the fortune cookie that is often stale

and leaves a bad taste in your mouth,

it is the message inside that counts.

Message?

Message? I don't understand.

You will all in good time.

Now hurry.

Brisco's life depends on it.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Alright, now give us five minutes.

If everything's alright, we'll come back for you.

MAN: It worked perfectly.

They left her behind.

Well, well, well.

Hello, Professor.

They led us right to him.

Now we've got to go down and get him.

Hey, Maxfield. What?

You know, I don't get it.

I mean, what's the deal with this orb thing anyway, huh?

What do you care? You're getting paid to do a job.

Just do it.

Oh, I've been meaning to tell you,

those pockets don't work.

What do you mean?

Well, the cut, it's all wrong.

What's wrong with them?

Today, gentlemen.

Brisco!

Professor.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

You alone?

Hopefully.

I got your telegram. I came as soon as I could.

Telegram? What--what telegram?

You didn't send me a telegram?

No, but you don't know how fortuitous it is that you came.

Why is that?

It's time for you to take possession of the orb.

The orb is here?

Heavens, no.

Some time ago, I hid it in a safe place.

But since our last meeting,

John Bly has been pursuing me relentlessly.

Wait a minute. Professor, did you send a telegram to your daughter?

My daughter?

Yeah, Lillian. She's with us.

Lillian.

Unh! Unh!

Let's go.

Come on.

Remind me, Brisco, the next time we see them pretty boys,

I owe 'em one.

Yeah. Next time.

[WHISTLES]

Hey! Comet!

Ohh! Please don't shout.

My head is killing me.

How could we be so stupid, Bowler?

We led those guys right to him.

Yeah, now they got the professor and his daughter.

Yeah, well, we got to get to 'em, Bowler, before Bly does.

[OWL HOOTS]

Oh.

Hello.

Uh, I wasn't stealing anything.

Um, maybe you can help me.

Uh, do any of you speak English?

No.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

What?

Was it something I said? What?

Aah! Oh! Oh!

What in heaven's name?

Oh!

"Let the key be your guide."

Whoa.

Get down.

Last chance, Professor.

Where's the orb?

I'll never tell you.

You're wasting your time.

Take him in the storeroom and tie 'em up.

Where are you going?

Find a bathhouse.

I want to be nice and fresh

for the next time I see the Professor's daughter.

Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Enjoy your stay.

[SNIFFLES]

There, there.

There's no need for that.

I'm sorry.

Nothing to apologize for.

Yes, there is.

I betrayed you.

You were in pain.

You only did what anyone else would have done.

I don't blame you.

Then why did you leave?

Because I overstepped my guardianship of the orb

when I used it to make the medicine.

I couldn't allow that to happen again.

But if I don't get my medicine--

It can never happen again.

I wish things were different.

Things will never be

like they were again, Lillian.

Not now.

Mr. Bly.

Relax, boys.

God, he looks great in black.

I got it.

You're free?

Listen to me, Lillian. Find Brisco.

He's the only person now

who can keep the orb out of Bly's hands.

No, no! Forget about me. It's too late. Go, go, go!

No! If I leave you, Bly will kill you.

Not until I tell him where the orb is.

By then, with luck, Brisco will already have it.

Where is it?

Devil's cavern.

Hello, Professor, ma'am.

So nice to see you again.

Run, Lillian! Run! Run!

Why should she run?

Your timing is impeccable, Bly.

Don't tell me you're working with Bly?

I had to.

I needed my medicine.

Ah! And so you shall have it, my dear,

but first-- where's the orb?

Devil's cavern.

You have no idea what you've just done, Lillian,

no idea.

Ah, family harmony--

it warms the cockles of my heart

just to hear it.

My, my, what pretty saddles.

You got to be real into fashion

to own something like that.

Yeah.

And to look real good,

you have to work at it.

Ah, I don't know about you, Maxfield.

That trail is really hard on my skin.

Been using the aloe liniment I gave you?

Not regularly.

I told you, Lars-- every night before you go to bed

and every morning when you get up.

The stuff works wonders.

Hey, if we have time, I'd like to get Rolfed before we leave town.

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Tell you what I'd like to do--

I'd like to Rolf Lillian.

Hey, Berkey hears you, talking like that, he'll kill you.

Yeah? Let him try it.

[PUNCHING AND YELLING]

Ewww.

Oh, I hope this story

don't find its way into no dime novel.

They won't hear it from me, Bowler. Let's go.

Hey!

Where's Coles and Lillian?

Drop dead.

You talking to us?

We're the only ones here.

[SPUTTERING]

Alright, Bowler. Come on, let's not overdo it.

Killjoy.

Alright, alright.

They're in the storeroom.

Around the corner, off the alley.

Not in the face! Not in the face!

Ohh.

Ohh.

You know, there is such a thing as being too pretty.

Now that ought to give him some character.

What did you do that for?

Slight change in plan.

What are you talking about?

He doesn't need you anymore, Lillian,

now that he knows where the orb is.

You're wrong.

Tell him that's not true.

But it is, Lillian.

You see, I knew that he would never tell me where the orb is,

but, you, well...

she's always been your Achilles heel,

hasn't she, professor?

We had a deal, Bly.

I need that orb.

I need my medicine.

Oh, poor Lillian.

Anything for her medicine.

Aah.

Aah.

Easy, Professor.

All of that for this.

Would you look at what you've done to her, Professor?

[COCKS GUN]

Now, will you take me to the orb?

Or should I kill her?

Don't.

I guess you're going to cooperate.

Let's ride.

What happened?

It's Bly. He took my father.

Better find a doctor, Bowler.

They won't need one.

[CLICK]

[CLICK] [CLICK]

You busted my nose, Brisco.

At least let the girl go.

I don't think so.

Oh, Berkey,

look what they did to your beautiful face.

Huh?

That's right, fellas. You've been had.

They don't work for Bly?

No. They work for me.

Now find Bly. He betrayed us.

We'll catch up.

What about them?

You heard the boss. Go.

I'll take care of them.

I hope you're proud of yourself--

double-crossing your daddy like that.

My daddy cut me off. I needed the orb.

He refused to give it to me.

So you made a deal with Bly.

I thought we'd be doing each other a favor.

So I turned to you, dime novel heroes,

so predictable,

steadfast, and true.

I sent the telegram

knowing if anyone could track my father, you could.

Ha. I played you like an ocarina, County.

Yeah, and Bly played you like a bassoon.

He won't have the chance again.

You go after him, he'll kill you.

I'll take my chances.

You, however, have none left.

Thanks for all your help,

but I won't be needing you any longer.

Berkey.

[LOCK CLICKS]

This ain't the way I wanted to spend my afternoon.

Don't worry, Bowler.

Your afternoon's almost over.

Brisco, this place is gonna blow sky high.

[FURNACE RATTLING]

Bowler, we need to break this pipe.

Fine. I'm open to suggestions.

We got to pull against it back and forth, okay?

I'll go first. Ow!

Your turn.

Ow!

Yes!

Ow!

Ow!

Keep going.

Uhh! Uhh!

Uh! Uh!

Uhh! Uhh!

Ah! Ooh! Ohh! Ah!

[HORSES NEIGHING]

Now I'm steamed.

Ditto.

Come on, boy.

Can you feel it, Professor?

Feel what?

Why, the orb.

We're getting closer.

Whoa.

Please don't disappoint me

by doing something stupid, Professor.

Bly, you've already won.

You know where the orb is hidden.

I can't stop you.

Let me go back to be with Lillian. Please.

A father's love for his daughter--

how touching.

Sorry, but I need your help

in harnessing the power of the orb.

Why?

You know why.

Because you're good,

and I'm, uh...evil.

We both know how much it hates evil, don't we?

I'm curious, Bly.

What are you going to do

when you finally get the orb?

I'm going home, Professor.

Try it, and you're dead.

Now, just give us Coles,

and we won't have any problems, okay?

Okay.

That's a great hat. Who makes it?

What the hell's the matter with you?

Well, I like his hat. I think it'd look good on me.

You're so vain.

Don't let him drink that!

That's Lillian's medicine.

Not anymore.

Ah! Ohh!

Ohh! Ohh!

Pretty faces.

Weak minds.

Well, shall we continue, Professor?

Whoa.

Lars, Maxfield.

Bly.

Are they dead?

No, thank God.

Then let's go. We've got to keep riding.

We can't just leave them here.

We'll come back for them.

No. First Bruno and Lance. Now this?

Bly's too powerful.

Berkey, I am ordering you to...

what?

I never noticed those wrinkles before.

It's just windburn.

Your hair.

There's gray in it.

It's from the pain.

We have to catch my father so that he can make my medicine.

But--

Berkey, please.

We have to hurry.

It's the only way that we can be together.

Let's ride.

Whoa.

[COMET WHINNIES]

What's the matter with Comet?

He thinks we're being followed.

Now, how in the world can he--

He's right.

One rider, full gallop,

about 1/2 mile back.

[WHINNIES]

Now what?

He wants an apology.

Oh, I'm sorry.

[WHINNIES]

Bowler, he knows the difference.

Alright, alright.

I'm sorry, Comet.

Now what are we gonna do about it?

Pull.

Whoa!

[GROANING]

Socrates?

Poole.

Are you alright?

I don't know what on earth

attracts you people to this line of work.

He's alright.

Socrates, what are you doing out here?

How'd you find us?

I followed the glowing key.

Come again.

Li Pao sent me to bring this to you, Brisco.

Li Pao?

My father's friend?

That's right. Li Pao.

He said that key unlocks a message

that'll help you stop Bly.

What do you mean glowing, Soc?

Oh, it only glows when it wants to tell you something.

Ugh.

Hey, I'm just the messenger.

All I know is that my destiny with the orb

is somehow tied to that key.

Well, am I the only one

who ain't got a destiny with this stupid orb thing?

What is this key supposed to unlock?

Unfortunately, I haven't the slightest idea.

At least we know we're on the right track.

How do you know that, Bowler?

A wild guess.

Ooh.

Ah, yes.

Devil's cavern.

Congratulations, Professor.

What a perfectly sadistic place

to have hidden the orb.

Not a person in their right mind

would venture into that lair.

Of course, you used the orb

to help you avoid the pitfalls, didn't you?

So, after you, Professor.

[HORSE WHINNIES]

Hold it, Bly.

[COCKS GUN]

Bly! Don't!

Don't worry, Lillian. I got you.

I feel weak.

Berkey, hold me.

What happened?

You're old.

You're hideous.

No, I'm not.

My God. This is the result of the medicine wearing off.

I'm afraid so.

This is too weird.

I'm getting out of here.

No, Berkey, don't leave me.

I'll be pretty again.

I promise.

Berkey!

Alright. Let him go. Let him go.

Lead me to the orb, and show me how to use it, Professor.

You still might be able to save her.

Ogden, don't listen to him.

But he's right, Lillian.

No. I can't cheat Mother Nature forever.

The orb gave me more time

than I ought to have had,

and I'm grateful for that time.

I'm grateful for you.

I can't let you die.

Tick tock, Professor.

Tick tock.

Ogden.

Ogden.

Forgive me.

Okay, I'll help you with the orb,

but you have to promise me

you'll let me use it to make her medicine.

You have my word, Professor.

I'll be back.

I'll be back. Okay?

I'll be back.

Oh, my God.

Brisco.

Who are you?

Don't you recognize me?

I'm Lillian.

Professor Cole's daughter?

No.

I'm his mother.

Ogden gave me water

which had been touched by an orb rod...

[WHEEZING]

to help me with my arthritis,

but it also gave me what I wanted most--

[WHEEZING]

To be young again...

[WHEEZING]

Gloriously young.

Whoa.

It's the Fountain of Youth.

That's how I was able to surround myself

with a gang of beautiful men.

Where's your son, Lillian?

Bly took him in there.

[WOLF HOWLS]

That's devil's cavern.

[SOCRATES] Is that bad?

It ain't good.

Brisco...

please save my son.

Poor woman.

Well, poor us if we don't stop Bly

before he gets that orb.

Let's go.

This darn lantern keeps going out.

[SCREECHING]

What was that?

Bats.

Bats?

Not vampire bats, you...

Better safe than sorry.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh what?

Dead end.

What? What do you mean? Are you sure?

I'm sure.

We're lost, Brisco.

This is why I didn't want to come in here in the first place.

We can't be lost. You two are the best trackers in the world.

Not in here, Poole. Everything is turned around and upside-down.

Let's backtrack.

We'll be back.

I don't remember passing this on our way in.

That's 'cause we didn't.

It's rocky ground.

No way to tell which way Bly and Coles went.

That's it. It's over.

We dead.

Brisco, try the glowing key.

Well, I'll be.

Brisco, your gun-- it's glowing, too.

Brisco, do you have any idea

why in the heck it's doing that?

Not a clue.

The message in the fortune cookie.

I think I just figured it out.

Well, what you waiting for, Poole? Spit it out.

The hex key!

It fits the ivory handle of your gun, Brisco.

How do you know that?

Because my destiny

was to make sure you got your father's gun,

and now it's to make sure

you find the message inside it.

A brass bullet?

It looks more gold than brass.

Actually...

it looks more like the same alloy as the orb.

You mean...

I've had this thing with me all along,

and I never knew it?

Okay.

The orb is hidden over there

behind the waterfall.

Excellent, Professor,

and now if you would just be so kind

as to retrieve it for me.

How do I know you won't double-cross me like you did Lillian?

Life is full of risk, Professor.

Just remember, Bly--

No deal unless I get to make the medicine.

Oh, your needs are so trivial in comparison.

Go get the orb.

What choice do you really have at this point, anyway?

Now where are we?

Box Canyon.

Accessible only through the cave.

Well, at least we're finally out.

Yeah. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

[WHOOSH]

What was that?

I don't know, but it sounds hungry.

Maybe we'd better turn around and go back.

No, Bly's here.

I can feel him.

This way.

The combination, Professor.

The, uh, correct combination,

if you don't mind.

I can feel its power.

It's...

it's magnificent!

Hello, Bly.

Oh, I do enjoy you, County.

You are such a worthy opponent.

Here to keep me from the orb, are you?

As a matter of fact, I am.

Lillian's medicine!

I'm sorry, Professor. She's gone.

Too late!

I have total power now,

and I'm taking it home with me.

And where's that?

In the future.

612 years into the future, to be exact.

612?

I'm from the year 2506,

and I am one of the few of my people

to know of the existence and the power of the orb.

I used a time machine to bring me here,

because the year 1894 was the last time

that the orbs were in existence together.

But two of the orbs are gone.

But I only need one,

and with it I will return home

and use its power

to rule the world!

You always did have big dreams, Bly.

Sorry I'm going to have to ruin them for you.

Oh, do you think that I would allow some cretin

from an antediluvian world to stop me?

I am invincible, County.

Bullets cannot harm me!

You sure?

Not even this one?

Where did you get that?

What do you care?

You're invincible.

You wouldn't dare!

Watch me.

Oh!

Aah!

What happened to him?

Bly didn't take the orb.

The orb took Bly.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, it's all yours now, Brisco.

Wait a minute. What am I supposed to do with it?

You must keep it safe until it's time.

Time for what?

Your final encounter with Bly.

What do you mean?

I just had my final encounter with Bly.

I mean, he's in this thing.

Isn't he?

Oh, Bly's in the orb, alright,

but he's not been dispatched.

Your destiny's not yet fulfilled.

Oh, brother.

What's left?

Your destiny is to learn more about the orb

than I've been able to.

That's why you've got to protect it.

Keep the orb safe.

Lucky me.

Good-bye, my boy.

Until our paths cross again.

So long, Professor.

Gentlemen.Professor.

What was all that about?

Well, he told me

I've got to keep this orb someplace safe.

How about inside a volcano?

How about inside your house?

Oh, no. No way.

What about your place, Soc?

Make a nice end table.

Thanks, but my destiny's been fulfilled with that thing.

I'd like to keep it that way.

Brisco, can we just be cowboys from now on?

Sure thing, partner.

Let's ride.

Ow.

Hyup!