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1
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:19,010
Hello, everybody.
2
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,990
Where's latka? Where's latka?
I got wonderful news.
3
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,580
What is it, what is it?
What is it?
4
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,083
Here,
you read this for yourself.
5
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:25,984
I got to go find latka.
6
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,419
Latka?
7
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:36,094
"Bleam Niki schlev rosko
iska bedosko pavitz iba da."
8
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:38,463
Is it, uh, from their country?
9
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,698
Yeah, I guess so.
10
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,767
The stamp commemorates,
uh, goat cheese.
11
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:43,836
There...
12
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,437
No, no...
13
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:46,638
No, no, no.
14
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:49,307
Why, why, why, why, why?
15
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:50,575
It's a wonderful job.
16
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,377
You said I could get a job.
17
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,846
This is one job I
don't want you to have.
18
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,875
Hey, simka, what kind of
a job did they offer you?
19
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,496
I gave you that letter. I know,
but I didn't have my reading glasses.
20
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,153
So, uh, tell me,
what kind of a job is it?
21
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:03,989
You go ahead, you tell him.
22
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:11,863
This just happens to be a
letter from my government.
23
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:15,867
They would like me to be
the ambassador to France.
24
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,636
The ambassador to France?
25
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,337
That's right.
26
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:21,906
Excuse me, latka, but, uh,
I may be a little confused here.
27
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,175
Read it. But isn't the, uh,
28
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,943
ambassador to France a
kind of prestigious job?
29
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,545
Yes, I would say.
30
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,847
It pays $2.75 a hour.
31
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,485
Why does your country
want to appoint you
32
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,186
ambassador to France?
33
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:39,057
Because I'm the only
one who speaks French.
34
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:42,027
Look,
I don't want to go to France.
35
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:43,829
I am American.
36
00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:45,530
America is my country.
37
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,098
You cannot have this job.
38
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,068
Now are you going to,
from now on, is pout
39
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:53,071
and throw the temper tantrum and
make my life hell from now on?
40
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,439
Oui.
41
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:59,044
Hey,
she really does speak French.
42
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,014
Hi, guys. Alex: Hey.
43
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,549
Hey, everybody.
44
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:07,385
Oh, Elaine,
I had such a wonderful time today.
45
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:08,987
I had such a wonderful time,
46
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,989
I'm not even going to
pester you with questions
47
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:12,568
about whether you
had a wonderful time.
48
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,091
Well, thank you, Arnie.
49
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,694
However, if you'd care
50
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:19,097
to volunteer the information,
I'd be glad to hear it.
51
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:21,166
I had a lovely time.
52
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,400
So, uh, what'd you guys do?
53
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:23,768
Well...
54
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,638
Decency prevents me from
divulging the details,
55
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,908
but, you know, it had to do
with water beds, baby oil...
56
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,176
Oh! Arnie!
57
00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:32,543
They know I'm kidding.
58
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,246
Yeah, well,
I don't think they do.
59
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,281
Really? Well, great.
60
00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:39,818
No, actually,
we went to an opening
61
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,253
of a new gallery in soho.
62
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,088
Ooh, he must really love you.
63
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,088
Tony...
64
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,890
I have to go change, okay?
65
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,593
Well, I probably won't be
here when you get back,
66
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,495
so you're gonna just
have to kiss me good-bye
67
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,564
in front of everybody.
68
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:52,897
Bye, sweetie.
69
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:58,669
Hey, Ross,
I want to shake your hand.
70
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,573
Well,
I don't see any harm in that.
71
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,709
You know something?
72
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,677
You've climbed Everest.
73
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,212
What do you mean?
74
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,513
Nardo.
75
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,582
I mean, you know how many
guys you beat out to get her?
76
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:15,220
Well, I never thought
of it as a contest,
77
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:16,655
but now that you mention it,
78
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:20,392
I must say I went for
the gold and I got it!
79
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,461
I'll see you later, Lou.
80
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:26,964
You know what?
81
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:30,568
I think it's his
boyish insecurity.
82
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:33,071
It's got to be.
There's nothing else.
83
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,258
So, first day on the job.
You like it?
84
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:55,761
It's a job.
85
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,331
Oh, gosh...
86
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:01,032
I don't know what came over me.
87
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,801
I mean, I was so bold. I mean...
88
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,136
It's not like me to be that way.
I...
89
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,075
Oh, look, I'm gonna come
right out and say it.
90
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:14,312
I-I was wondering if,
uh, maybe, uh, you and I,
91
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:17,782
we could, uh,
we could go have a soda.
92
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:20,052
Really?
93
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,653
That's charming.
94
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,221
Aw... it's...
95
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,559
Well, and, and, and then, may...
96
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:30,829
Oh, no, I can't.
I can't, I can't do it.
97
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,699
Go on.
98
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,635
Well...
99
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,437
I thought maybe then
I could walk you home
100
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,274
and we could do it
till we pass out.
101
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,346
Hey, I think it worked, Lou.
102
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,214
You usually get slapped
much harder than that.
103
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,618
Oh, hey, Elaine.
104
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,853
Now what's the scoop with
you and this guy Arnie?
105
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,523
I mean, I know the guy's gentle,
106
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,992
and,
and sensitive and unassuring
107
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,727
and likable and loving and...
108
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,530
Wait, how do you know all this?
109
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,031
He's got to be, Elaine.
110
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,534
I mean,
but how serious are you two?
111
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,802
I don't know.
112
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,570
I don't even know what
kind of relationship
113
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:13,839
I want with him yet.
114
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,640
Hey, Elaine,
what do your kids think of him?
115
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,609
Are you kidding, Alex?
The kids got to love him.
116
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:18,910
He's like Yoda.
117
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,712
Tony...
118
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:24,849
No, actually, uh, he hasn't,
uh, met Jennifer and Jason yet.
119
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,351
What? He hasn't met your
kids in five months?
120
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,989
No. Actually, uh,
I've been avoiding introducing them.
121
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,058
Why?
122
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,725
I don't want my
kids to get involved
123
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,461
with Arnie unless I'm sure that
I want to get involved with him.
124
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,963
If things didn't work out
between Arnie and me, then
125
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,765
I don't want the
kids to get hurt.
126
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:41,766
Oh...
127
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,902
Well,
that sounds very reasonable.
128
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:44,902
Oh, good.
129
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,471
I'm so glad you agree with me.
130
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,818
In an overprotective,
paranoid sort of way is what I mean.
131
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,074
No! Huh?
132
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,276
Because I have a favor
to ask of you. Me?
133
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,223
Tomorrow night Arnie's coming
to the house for dinner
134
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,967
and I've got to leave
the kids with someone.
135
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,281
And their father's out of town,
136
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,517
so could you watch them for
a couple of hours? Uh...
137
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,319
Please, Alex,
you're the only one I can ask.
138
00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,288
I'm sorry, Elaine, but... Tony?
139
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,657
Oh, uh, I'm sorry,
Elaine, but, uh...
140
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:06,657
Lupus?
141
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,893
Lupus? Lu... Elaine! Lupus?
142
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,528
You're gonna trust
your kids to a guy
143
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,397
who promises never
to bathe again
144
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,298
until Seattle wins
the super bowl?
145
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:15,634
Please, that's not the one.
146
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,635
Never mind, lupus.
147
00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:18,736
Forget it, lup.
148
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,805
What am I gonna do, Alex?
149
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,234
Look, the simplest thing to do
is let the guy meet the kids.
150
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,687
I mean, big deal, come
over, he'll say hello,
151
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:25,877
pat the kids on the head
152
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,189
and they'll both go
off to their rooms.
153
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,079
Quivering with excitement.
154
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,447
Tony, please.
155
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,149
I'm not saying that
the guy wouldn't, uh,
156
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,483
grow on the kids in time.
157
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:36,988
Arnie is a quiet,
unassuming guy, right?
158
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,389
He's not the kind of guy
159
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,825
that the kids are gonna fall
in love with instantly, is he?
160
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:44,496
Well, maybe you're right.
161
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,297
I hope you're right.
162
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,533
You'd better be right,
because tomorrow night
163
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,602
those kids are having
dinner with Arnie and me.
164
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,237
Hey, good, good.
165
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:53,638
Good choice.
166
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,540
You know...
167
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:00,511
I once dated a woman
168
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:04,816
whose kids were
very attached to me.
169
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:08,286
Eventually,
she wanted to break up.
170
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,288
Mm-hmm. So...
171
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:13,457
To make it easy on
those little tykes,
172
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:17,662
at our last dinner
173
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:21,332
I pretended to have
a heart attack...
174
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:26,737
And die.
175
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:27,806
Yeah.
176
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:34,111
After the children
were sedated...
177
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:38,182
And the woman stopped screaming,
178
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:42,754
pounding me, she was
179
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,857
profuse in her gratitude.
180
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,997
I'm great with kids.
181
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,439
Hi, everybody.
182
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,074
Bonjour, tout le monde.
183
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,043
Hi.
184
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,945
She's been acting like a child
185
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:10,348
because I won't let her
be ambassador to France.
186
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,684
How long are you
going to keep this up?
187
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:16,921
Je vais continuer jusqu'à
la fin de mes jours.
188
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,691
What does that mean?
189
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,395
Uh, my French is a little
rusty, but if I were you,
190
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,263
I'd have someone taste
my coffee in the morning.
191
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:29,467
Okay, simka,
I have been selfish.
192
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,569
You want the job,
you can take it.
193
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:34,239
Oh, latka.
194
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,041
Oh, latka, my darling.
195
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:40,345
Oh, I knew that you
would love me enough
196
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:44,115
to do the right thing if I
made your life a living hell.
197
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:47,452
But I got good news for
you, also.
198
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,819
There's no job no more.
199
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,054
What?
200
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:53,725
No. I got another letter
from the homeland.
201
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:56,728
We broke off diplomatic
relations with France.
202
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,496
Oh, good, you're here.
203
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,231
Hi, Arnie.
204
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:04,970
Listen, Elaine has invited me
home tonight to meet her kids.
205
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,137
I really need your help.
206
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,371
I mean, you know those kids.
207
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,672
What do you suggest?
208
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,474
Oh, come on.
I don't know why everybody's
209
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,077
making such a big
deal about this.
210
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,978
I mean, it's just a couple of
kids, Arnie.
211
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,247
- Why on earth are you so nervous about it?
- Yeah.
212
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,716
Because I want them to like me.
213
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,551
I mean,
you don't know the work it takes
214
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,818
to get people to like me.
215
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:23,487
I put out, man!
216
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:26,023
And now I have to
win over two more.
217
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:28,059
Arnie,
why don't you give us a break?
218
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,159
Them kids are pushovers.
219
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,128
Well, not for me, they're not.
220
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,930
I remember my childhood.
221
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:36,367
The key to popularity was
knowing how to play dodgeball
222
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,870
and how to make those little
sounds with your armpits.
223
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,204
Well, I, I couldn't
224
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,208
do those things then,
and I can't do them now.
225
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,209
Oh, that's easy, Arnie.
226
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:48,179
You just go like this... hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey.
227
00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:50,848
- She wants to be ambassador to France.
- Yeah.
228
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:53,784
Listen, look, Arnie,
Arnie, Arnie, Arnie,
229
00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:55,052
just listen to me, will you?
230
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:57,488
All you got to do is go
over there and be yourself.
231
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,089
That's all kids ever want.
232
00:10:59,158 --> 00:10:59,957
Oh, really?
233
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,326
Was buffalo Bob himself?
234
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,829
Was bozo the clown himself?
235
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,331
I hear Mr. Rogers
is really like that.
236
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,666
Tony, please. Will you?
237
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,234
Arnie, Arnie, look, look.
238
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,783
Just listen to me, huh?
Just trust me.
239
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,637
Look, I know those kids.
240
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,073
I'm telling you,
I know those kids.
241
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,375
All you got to do is go over
there, be yourself
242
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,577
and don't talk down to them.
That's all.
243
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:22,113
All right, come on.
Get your butts out of here.
244
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,248
You got your cab assignments.
Now hit the road.
245
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,549
Hey, you two,
246
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:29,520
get out of here.
Your conjugal visit's over.
247
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,322
I feel a little foolish, Alex,
248
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:34,992
and, uh, I want to thank you
for talking some sense into me.
249
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,171
Yeah, yeah, anytime, anytime.
250
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:37,462
Thanks.
251
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:40,865
Hey, Ross.
252
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:46,270
Did nardo ever mention
a guy named Peterson?
253
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,705
No, why?
254
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,607
Elaine adored him.
255
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:53,044
When he met the
kids, they hated him.
256
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,247
Well, what happened to him?
257
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,382
Nobody knows.
258
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:01,786
But legend has it
259
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:06,524
that on a cloudy, foggy night,
260
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:09,593
when the moon is full,
261
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,163
you can hear his voice saying,
262
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,833
"Elaine, I thought we
had something special...
263
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,269
Special... special..."
264
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,910
You know, Jeff,
sometimes I hate myself.
265
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,247
But it's moments like
this that make up for it.
266
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,568
Arnie's gonna be
here any minute,
267
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,625
so I want you guys to be
good, okay?
268
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:44,896
Mommy,
what if he doesn't like us?
269
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:48,065
Oh, well, I guess I'll have to
trade you in for two new kids.
270
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,202
No, I'm kidding.
271
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,270
Hey, mom, what if he
likes me and not Jennifer?
272
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,438
Can we trade her in?
273
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,607
Well... mom!
274
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:59,077
No, never. We're a team.
We're a set!
275
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:00,978
It's all of us or none of us.
276
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,246
Put 'er there, pards.
277
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:03,547
Hmm!
278
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,551
Okay.
279
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,419
Aw, he's here.
280
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,687
Does he have to stay long?
281
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:12,090
Oh, come on, you guys.
What is this?
282
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:13,858
You're going to
have a great time.
283
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:23,000
Hello, Jason. Hello, Jennifer.
284
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:26,103
I'd like you to meet the
greatest guy in the world...
285
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,139
Arnie Ross!
286
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:30,608
Wow! Wow! Hey!
287
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:31,976
Hi, Elaine! Hi.
288
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:35,279
Jason, this is for you.
289
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:36,447
Thanks!
290
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,516
Oh, I want one!
291
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:38,850
Oh, I thought you might.
292
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,018
Oh! Elaine: Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Come on, you guys.
293
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,521
You can play with those toys
later; I want you to meet Arnie.
294
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:45,423
No, it won't be so bad.
295
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:49,126
I'm going to make some
balloon animals while we talk.
296
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:51,129
Hey!
297
00:13:55,968 --> 00:14:00,638
Now, Jason, I'll bet the girls
are just crazy about you,
298
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:04,342
but you don't give them
the time of day. Right?
299
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:10,348
I'll bet your favorite sport is...
soccer.
300
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:13,718
But I'll bet you're
very interested in...
301
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:16,287
Veterinary medicine!
302
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,925
Now,
what's your favorite animal?
303
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,660
A mouse or a rat?
304
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:25,662
A mouse.
305
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,999
Well, there ya go!
306
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,000
Wow.
307
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,972
Arnie, would you like
to take off your coat?
308
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,942
Are you kidding?
I'm fighting for my life here.
309
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:43,013
Now, uh, Jennifer,
I'll bet you're in the third grade...
310
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,550
And I'll bet
311
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,853
that you're at the
top of your class.
312
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:49,987
Ah!
313
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,135
Now,
what's your favorite animal?
314
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:53,924
An octopus.
315
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:55,326
Aw, give me a break.
316
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:56,561
Then a snake.
317
00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:57,862
A snake!
318
00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:01,365
You're great! I like you!
319
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,901
Thanks!
320
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,603
Okay.
321
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,204
Let's relax now, right?
322
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,607
Okay, come on, Arnie,
give me your coat, and i-I'm gonna
323
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:10,841
get you a drink, okay?
324
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,777
A drink?
In front of the children?
325
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:16,180
Well, I don't want you to
think I'm a reckless drinker.
326
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:20,384
Arnie, some wine is not
going to seem reckless.
327
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,754
Well, then let's all
get stinking drunk!
328
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,122
Just a joke, kids.
329
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,691
It's a little adult humor.
330
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,165
Here.
331
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:37,802
Well...
presents, balloons, drinks.
332
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,137
This is turning into quite an
evening, isn't it?
333
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:42,740
I'd say you made quite
a first impression.
334
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:43,941
He sure has.
335
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,442
Yeah, what's next?
336
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,078
Next?
337
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,646
I don't know.
338
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,882
Uh... well, how about, um...
339
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,784
What about money?!
340
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:57,087
No. No, wait, wait.
341
00:15:57,156 --> 00:16:00,291
Would, uh, 20 bucks apiece
sound okay to you guys?
342
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,227
There you go.
Elaine: No, no, no, wait.
343
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,896
Jason, Jennifer,
I want you to give his money back, okay?
344
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,333
Why don't you guys
go take your puppets
345
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,522
and play in your room, okay?
346
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,904
Okay? I want to talk to Arnie.
347
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:16,173
And don't forget who
bought them for you!
348
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:20,778
Well, hail the conquering
hero, huh, babe?
349
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:22,947
I think your kids like me.
350
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:25,316
Arnie, how could they like you?
351
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:26,884
They-they didn't even meet you.
352
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:28,652
They met somebody else.
353
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:31,422
Well, did they like him?
354
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,991
They love him.
355
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,692
Well, good enough.
356
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:37,594
Arnie, you can't keep this up.
357
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,364
The hell I can't!
358
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,799
As long as there's
ice cream to scoop
359
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,968
or a riddle to tell
or a toy on a shelf,
360
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:46,304
those kids are mine.
361
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,239
Arnie,
you don't have to keep this up.
362
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,274
I don't want you to keep it up.
363
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:53,077
I think I know
what's troubling you.
364
00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:55,513
You've mistaken my behavior
as some kind of attempt
365
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:56,981
to buy your kids' affection.
366
00:16:57,049 --> 00:17:00,751
Oh, mistaken?
Come on, you were doling out $20 bills.
367
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,353
You were giving hard
cash to-to small children
368
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:04,655
so that they'd like you.
369
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,524
I'm sorry,
I got to ask those kids
370
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:07,725
to give you that money back.
371
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:08,793
Oh, no, don't do that.
372
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:11,495
They'll think I'm a rat fink!
373
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,098
All right, now look,
I've got an idea.
374
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,566
Let them earn it.
375
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,735
In return for the money,
they could just come over
376
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:21,539
to my place tomorrow and
put in some copper plumbing.
377
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:24,041
Well, that was easy.
378
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:27,911
Let me handle this, okay?
Please?
379
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:31,182
Jason! Jennifer!
Come on out here.
380
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,851
Yeah, mom?
381
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:37,254
Okay, I want you guys to give
Arnie his money back. Okay?
382
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:39,301
Wait a minute. I thought we had
that settled. Yeah, uh, no, it's
383
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,902
not settled. Jennifer: Yeah,
we get to keep the money.
384
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:43,238
No, no, no... of course they do.
They want to keep the money.
385
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:44,695
I mean, of course.
386
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,883
You both know that it's not
right to keep the money...
387
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,200
Jason and Jennifer,
388
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,536
I want you to give him
his money back right now!
389
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,538
You're ugly! You're stupid!
390
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,641
I hate you, mom!
391
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,482
You have beautiful
children, Elaine.
392
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:09,119
Arnie, that scene should
never have happened.
393
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:12,690
I know you thought it was okay
to give those kids that money,
394
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:13,869
but as their mother, I didn't,
395
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:15,253
and you should have
respected that.
396
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,228
I'm-I'm upset with you.
397
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:21,598
Would $40 make you feel better?
398
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:26,103
Elaine, I'm sorry.
I tried very hard.
399
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:29,573
Obviously, this has turned
out in the worst possible way.
400
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,408
I've estranged you
from your own children.
401
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:35,145
I mean, I just, I shouldn't be
allowed to be around children.
402
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:36,547
I don't understand children.
403
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,960
I don't know how to
talk to children.
404
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,083
I should be sterilized.
405
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,455
Arnie...
406
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:48,091
Oh, great, more fireworks.
407
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,460
Mommy?
408
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:50,828
What?
409
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:52,163
Mom, I'm sorry.
410
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,911
You're pretty,
you're smart and I love you.
411
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,100
I'm sorry, too, mommy.
412
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,768
You're the nicest
mother in New York.
413
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:58,935
Aw.
414
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:01,338
Well, I love you guys, too.
415
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,541
How about setting the table?
Okay?
416
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:04,675
Okay. Okay. Okay.
417
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:05,977
Come on, Jason.
418
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:09,614
They're great kids, huh?
419
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,015
Yeah.
420
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,683
Look, Elaine,
I know I've been screwing up tonight.
421
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,988
I think if you'd just let
me have a couple of words
422
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:19,156
with the children,
everything will be fine.
423
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,957
Okay, go ahead.
424
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:34,171
Kids... good night.
425
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,507
Oh, come on, Arnie,
you've got to stay for dinner.
426
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,742
No, I think I've caused
enough trouble for one night.
427
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:41,011
Oh, but everybody would
be upset if you left.
428
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,047
Right? Arnie isn't
leaving, is he, mommy?
429
00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:44,448
Yeah, please don't go, Arnie.
430
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,950
We have the table
set up for you.
431
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,785
We baked four potatoes.
432
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,488
All right. Now, come on.
Sit down for a minute.
433
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:56,327
Now, listen.
434
00:19:56,395 --> 00:20:00,698
Now, this time I don't
have any more presents,
435
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:04,501
and I'm not gonna give
you any more money.
436
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:09,573
And from now on,
whatever your mother says goes.
437
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:11,274
Okay?
438
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,145
Okay.
439
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:17,581
You mean, you'd still like me?
440
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:18,982
Yeah, sure.
441
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,351
Just not as much.
442
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,256
They're honest.
443
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:28,225
Yeah. I like them.
444
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,235
Elaine,
that was such a lovely meal.
445
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:42,640
The kids were so great,
and everything just went so well.
446
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,075
Mmm.
447
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:47,545
Are you all right?
448
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:50,047
Mm-hmm.
449
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,549
Well...
450
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:54,919
Why don't you tell
me what's the matter?
451
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,920
Okay.
452
00:20:58,624 --> 00:20:59,890
Arnie, don't get me wrong.
453
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:02,059
I mean, this really
doesn't have anything to do
454
00:21:02,127 --> 00:21:03,994
with you and me specifically.
455
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,664
It's just that...
456
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:07,965
It just worries me a little
457
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:11,468
when my kids get so
emotionally attached
458
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:13,036
to a man that I'm dating.
459
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,040
Well, I don't think you have
any cause for worry here.
460
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,709
I'd hardly say they've
become attached to me.
461
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,078
Good night, uncle Arnie.
Good night, uncle Arnie.
462
00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:23,680
Hey, good night, kids. Mmm!
463
00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:25,650
Are you really taking
us to the zoo tomorrow?
464
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:27,284
Well, I said I would, didn't I?
465
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:28,285
Yay, uncle Arnie!
466
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:30,654
Yeah, he's the greatest.
467
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:33,223
All right, now, you two,
you know it's your bedtime!
468
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,958
Good night, mom. Good night.
469
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:36,360
I love you. Good night, mommy.
470
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:37,429
Good night, baby.
471
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:39,897
I'm gonna sleep with
my puppet tonight.
472
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,066
And I'm gonna name my
goldfish after you.
473
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:43,135
Oh, great!
474
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:45,169
Aw... good night.
475
00:21:45,238 --> 00:21:46,470
Good night. Good night.
476
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,039
Arnie's even cuter
than Ricky schroeder.
477
00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:54,945
Ah, ten minutes after I'm gone,
478
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:56,780
they won't even
know I've been here.
479
00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:59,917
Arnie, they love you.
480
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:01,985
Well, I guess so.
481
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,353
But that could be fixed.
482
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:04,888
What do you say I march in there
483
00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:08,092
and, uh, kick their
butts all over the room?
484
00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:11,729
Really, i-i'm-I'm delighted
that my kids love you so much.
485
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:14,431
Really.
It's just that it's-it's put me
486
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,133
in sort of an awkward position.
487
00:22:16,201 --> 00:22:19,336
You mean, this is more
serious than I thought?
488
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:22,606
Could be.
489
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,608
In other words,
you don't really know
490
00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,544
quite where our
relationship is going,
491
00:22:26,612 --> 00:22:28,979
and you don't really know
quite how you feel about me,
492
00:22:29,048 --> 00:22:30,581
so the fact that
your kids like me
493
00:22:30,650 --> 00:22:33,951
might make it more
difficult to break up.
494
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:36,019
Uh-huh.
495
00:22:39,625 --> 00:22:45,396
That's a really terrible
position that I put you in.
496
00:22:45,465 --> 00:22:49,666
I-I think this might call
for-for some champagne.
497
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,875
You're such a dear man.
498
00:22:57,943 --> 00:22:59,810
Oh, i-I'm glad you think so
499
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:02,712
because now, you know,
you may be stuck with me.
500
00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:08,986
I guess I am.
501
00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:11,055
You know what?
502
00:23:11,124 --> 00:23:12,857
What?
503
00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:16,026
I love it.
504
00:23:56,668 --> 00:23:58,002
Good night, Mr. Walters!
35647
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