All language subtitles for Immaculate conception (1992)

Are we almost there?

If we can ever get through
this crazy traffic!

I just can't get used to

the way that people
drive in this country.

Pull in over here.

This had better be good, Samira.

I assure you
it will be picturesque.

Why are they staring?

It's the national male pastime.

Where's the Gulab Shah shrine?

Two streets up.

Look, a white Memsahab
on pilgrimage.

- Buy a shawl and get your wish.
- No, thank you.

Welcome to the Gulab Shah shrine.

- Are they men?
- Hijras. Eunuchs.

She's come for a baby.

Come in, come in.
Please take off your shoes.

Hey, Kamal...

your people have come.

- Salaam.
- Alaikum as salaam.

English? German?

- American.
- Ah.

I need to take some photographs.

- Will you be all right?
- Yeah, sure.

Look after her.

You visiting shrine just like that,

or maybe you want something?

Well, I came with my friend.
She's doing an article.

Baby is being born.

It's a lucky day.

Mother and father
have come a long way.

You, Christian?

No, I'm Jewish.

Yahoodi.

The baby's cry has rent your heart.

Hmm?

You got problems with pregnancy?

Everything all right.

Gulab Shah blessing.

You will carry.

Carry?

Gulab Shah was blessed by Allah.

Hannah?

I got what I wanted.

Yes, yes.
Take a photo. All of us.

You're in this one, I'm afraid.

Hold on,
he was saying something.

If you wish for a baby,

you will have one.

Just like that?

Well, I wish.

You come here.

With husband.

Three days.

Should I have left them
any money?

You mean, like a deposit?

No, you know. More like a tip.

Do you think there's truth
in any of it?

Well, it's quite famous for babies,
but I don't know what the hit rate is.

Come in for some lunch.

We've got a long way to go.
Thanks.

Ally!

What did you buy?

Didn't go shopping.

Went to a shrine.

Sam's got an assignment
for National Geographic.

- Oh, interesting.
- Hmm.

It was a miracle shrine.

With all these bloody miracles,

it's a miracle this
'king country survives.

Ally!

Anyway, it was weird.
This guy...

I guess he was the head of it.
Oh, it's a eunuch shrine.

Eunuch shrine?

Yeah. He looked
into my eyes, and he said:

"If you want to have a baby,
you can."

Samira says this place
has a reputation, you know?

People go there as a last resort.

Oh, did she?

Would you ever
do anything like that?

What does one do?

Say some prayers. Get blessed.

Think of it as kind of an
alternative medicine.

Doesn't cost us anything.

Except our self-respect.

For God's sake, Hannah.
I want a baby as much as you do.

But once you start
giving in to superstition...

you become vulnerable.

Hello.

Who the hell let you in here?

This, er... this is illegal.

They've got a permit

I'm Saeed Ahmed, Foreign Office.

Are you the Preservation Officer?

Who signed the permit?

It's your bloody rupee sweeteners,
isn't it?

Yeah, well, I'm telling you. I'm going
straight to the Minister about this.

Look, it's only one day's hunting
for our guest.

The Minister knows.

Arab goodwill depends on this.

You mean Arab money.

They wiped them out
in their own country.

Now you're going to
let them do it here?

We lost three thousand
birds last year.

In a few more years,
the houbara bustard will be extinct.

We do have a permit.

Oh, Jesus!
I'll get you an audience!

Can you get me Samira, please?

Thanks. Oh, quickly.

- Hi, hi.
- Good morning, sir.

Hello, Sam?

Listen, the bustard story
I was telling you about.

Can you get down there fast?

There's a whole bunch of Arabs
just waiting to be photographed.

I hope you like it.

There you are, you savage.

We'll civilise you yet.

These are stories that have been
around for a thousand years,

and it takes an American woman
to come down in angelic form

and collect them.

Now for the real celebration.

Not the widow, I'm afraid,

- but the best we can do round here.
- Not here, yar.

These uneducated fellows,
they don't understand.

Maybe we should save that for home.

I don't want to get flogged
in the marketplace.

Oh, it's just grapefruit juice.

Mum's the word, eh, Raju?

Yes sir. Mumm.

There you are! Baptised!

- Hi, I've come to see Samira.
- Please.

I haven't finished yet.

Come on up.

So, this is where you live?

Home sweet home.

Bibiji, Sahab wants to see you.

You'd better come and meet Grandad.

- Samira!
- Coming!

He watches my every move.
He's quite paranoid, completely crazy.

Bullet holes.
That's when they killed my parents.

Dadaji!

Dadaji!

Dadaji, this is Alistair. He works
for the World Wildlife Organisation.

Remember I told you about him?

Very pleased.

So very pleased
to make acquaintance.

World Wildlife, hmm...

All creatures great and small.

All things bright and beautiful.

Lord God made them all.

American look after everybody.

They run short of people.

Now they look after
animals, fishes...

Alistair's not American,
Dadaji, he's, er...

No, I'm English.

Oh.

I beg pardon.

I hate the English even more.

I thought he was
your friend from Yale?

No, that's David.

Alistair is married to David's sister.

I... I treated her
like a boy, you know.

Poor girl.

I sent her to American university,

to become most highly educated
woman in Pakistan.

Even... even better than
Benazir Bhutto!

Yes, yes.

I'll call him and his wife for dinner,

and you can lecture them
on how clever I am.

Now we've got to go.
We've got work to do, okay?

Nice to have, er... Bye.

Who shot your parents?

A bit too dark.

Sam?

Sam, who shot your parents?

Family feuds.
They kill everybody here.

- What for?
- Who knows? Same old things.

Land, money, power, revenge.

Aren't you scared they'll get you?

Maybe they will.

Grandad has his troops following me.

I can't live like that.

I've told Hannah the whole story.

Family tree,
shot-off branches and all.

What did you take her
to that, um...

- Hidra? Hijra?
- Mmm.

Shrine for?

- Don't you want a baby?
- Of course I do.

With Hannah?

Who else?

Well, I dunno, we've tried
every damn thing.

Maybe this will work.

What, the eunuch miracles?
Leave me out.

Who are these Hijras, anyway?

Come on, this is going to be fun!

Oh yeah?

Where the hell have you brought me?

Wait and see. More surprises ahead.

Don't you bloody Urdu me.

Al - Alaikum salaam.

He's so smooth!

An angel descended from heaven.

The Englishman wants to meet you.

Yes, yes, why not.

We have made a lot of
young Englishmen happy.

They've pleased a lot of
young English gentlemen.

Uh huh. What about old ones?

And old Englishmen?

All lovers stay young forever.
Even Englishmen.

All lovers are eternally young.
Even Englishmen.

So, er...
what is it you want to ask?

Oh, um... how do people
get recruited to their...

tribe?

Uh, the Sahab says...

he wants to see everything.

Yes, we'll show him everything.

And he wants photographs.

Sam, I said nothing about photographs.

Sure, you can take pictures,

but don't degrade us.

We may be eunuchs,

but we have our dignity.

Yes, absolutely.

But, tell me...

were you born this way?

Or were you tampered with?

When my brother noticed
my thing wasn't growing,

he said to my elder sister:

"Take her away!"

- Can you give them some money?
- Yeah, sure.

Here you are.

Now show the Sahab your treasures.

Up a bit.

What are you doing?

- I said, Sam...
- Oh, come on.

We don't want photographs.

They don't mind!

Sahab, when are you coming back?

Hannah?

Where have you been?

Sorry, I thought you were asleep.

It's after midnight.

I was just with some friends.

Friends? I thought you were gonna
go pick up the prints from Samira?

Yeah. Yeah, I got the prints.

Then, she...
she took me to meet these, er...

- these people.
- What people? Why didn't you call?

Well, you know the public phones
never work in town.

Public phones?
At a friend's house?

No, no, they...
they weren't friends.

It's not that interesting, really.

You never told me that Samira's
parents were killed in gang warfare.

Really? I thought
they died in an accident.

I suppose gang warfare
makes her more interesting, huh?

- It's beautiful, isn't it?
- What did I tell you?

Please leave us alone for an hour.

Of course.

I don't think they have any idea
how old it is.

Probably commissioned by the
Monarch at Delhi.

How much is it worth?

All depends. Any of the
Sheikhs would pay millions.

We'll send those photographs
to Edward at the British Museum.

He'll confirm my hunch.

What's this?

Photographs are forbidden.
This is our Holy Book.

That's not written
anywhere in the Koran.

Photographs are another way...

of spreading the word.

What you're saying is true...

Hey, look, there's one.

Is she gonna go lay her eggs?

Yeah, let her settle down.

Hey! Tch!

Bloody dogs.

You know, they can munch up
every single nest in a night.

She can lay up to a hundred eggs
in one sitting.

Now if I could do that,
we'd have a fighting chance.

Look, she's crying.

No, the tears keep the sand
out of her eyes.

We just need another
couple of years,

and Karachi will be the
turtle capital of the world.

It's incredible.

It's a tough beginning
for this poor little bastard.

He'll never know his mother.

Here, take him.

He's got to scurry down here,
past the dogs, the seagulls and kites,

and in the sea there's sharks.

That's something of a miracle,
isn't it?

I thought you didn't
believe in miracles?

Our saint was named after
the sweetest flower: The rose.

And what made him a saint?

Gulab Shah was the eunuch
of the King's harem.

When the King's first-born baby died,

Gulab Shah was sentenced to death

for casting an evil eye.

When they pulled him out
to stone him to death,

he brought the baby back alive.

What a miracle!

And everyone lived
happily ever after?

No. The Prince grew up,

Gulab Shah was forgotten.

Died like a beggar.

Do you like it?

Well, yes.
Yes, it's, er... very romantic.

It's our best room.

Now, we're expected to
stay here, what, three nights?

Ally, I thought I was supposed
to be the princess.

Shehzada, the boss,

she thinks you are very special,

and wants you to be part of us.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Mmm!

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Think they got room service?

It doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

What does, Ally?

More surgery?

Fertility drugs?

Oh, well, let's get the spray-gun.

Sounds like babies being strangled.

Cats making love.

Stupid expression for cats.

Why?

Because animals don't make love.

The spirit grabs them.

Is that why they get extinct?

Does it stop grabbing them?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so.

But then, that's mostly the effect
of the environment.

You mean like if the room is foreign,

and the bed's uncomfortable,

and it feels kinda hostile outside?

No.

No, I'm just tired.

My wild panther.

Man - eater.

The smell of white flesh
has crept up your nostrils, eh?

Oh dear, dear, dear.

Every muscle so tense.

Are we not happy
with our old lover?

Dreaming other dreams, are we?

You want to escape?

The smell of white flesh
tempts you away.

Dog! You want a longer leash?

You want to be free?

Yeah?

Come, they are waiting for you.

- Who is it?
- It's Kamal.

What's happening?

You wait here.

How could you let those men touch you?

They aren't men.

Oh, what, they're animals?

Would you have to
look like one of them?

You agreed you'd do anything for me.

Well, isn't this a little extreme?

Well, suppose they were wheeling
me away in some New York hospital?

All right, they'd be
dressed differently.

Green hats, surgical masks,
rubber gloves,

and a thousand
stainless steel instruments.

For what, you don't ask.

Okay. Now what?

Shehzada said,

you should embrace the faith, too.

Me?

You only have to say a few words.

It's all one God, Ally.

Please?

All right.

But I'm not giving up Christmas.

That's a fine figure of a man.

A bit too conventionally
good-looking for me.

Imran? Overrated.
I don't like him.

Oh, getting choosy, are we?

I find him very interesting.

Oh, look at that posterior!

Never since Orpheus turned his back

has anything so magnificent been seen.

Are we invited to Hannah's for dinner?

They've gone to the
Gulab Shah shrine.

Hannah at the shrine?

Is our Hannah that desperate?

Why did you never have kids?
You were married.

Oh, it's a long story.

I was handed over in the hope that

our marriage would patch up
a hundred-year-old feud.

And it didn't?

I guess it made it worse.

Come on, my son. Begin.

Make them repeat the creed.

"There is but one God..."

Now you repeat after me.

There is no God but Allah.

There is no God but Allah.

And Mohammed is His Prophet.

And Mohammed is His Prophet.

You, too.

There is no God but Allah.

There is no God but Allah.

And Mohammed is His Prophet.

And Mohammed is His Prophet.

Now what happens?

Mmm?

We wait for the honeyed
middle of the night,

and a dove descending
breaks the air,

and impregnates you.

What the hell's that supposed to mean?

Oh, erm...

Keats.

I think.

Don't patronise me, Ally.

You don't really wanna
have a baby, do you?

Do I have to completely humiliate
myself to prove that to you?

Sorry, I forgot
your precious vulnerability.

You wanna go? All right.

Hey, let's just go.

Go to the beach
and watch the turtles hatch.

Gotta keep the fish and fowl alive.

I'm here, aren't I?

Just like my father.

You're here, but you're
not really trying.

Shall I tell you the truth, Hannah?

I don't know how much of it
is Daddy's heavy hand,

wanting a little Schwartz.

I mean, God knows
brother David won't do it.

Oh no, he won't marry
the floozies he runs around with.

He's waiting for the big kill.

The great big Jewish wedding
of the century.

But for Mom and Dad,
it's babies now,

and at any cost.

Christ, if they could only
see you here.

Frolicking naked
with a bunch of eunuchs!

Do you know where is Kamal?

Studying?

I like intellectual things too much.

What kind of intellectual things, hmm?

Jean-Paul Sartre?

People leave me these, you see.

Lots of foreigners come here.

Women?

Women, they come for blessing.

And men, they sometimes come
for other things.

Have you always worked here?

Work?
This is not work. It's my life.

You've been here all your life?

Now, cover your head.

I made this for you.

Now Gulab Shah
will bless you with baby.

My mother did same,
eighteen years ago.

Other babies had died,
and she'd become barren.

She came to Gulab Shah.

He's listening.

He made demands.

First baby she got after that,

she would have to give to him.

To the keepers of the shrine.

To Shehzada.

Do you see your mother?

She never came back.

What shall we have today?

What do you fancy?

A bit of Middle Persian?

No.

Let's see...

Classical Greek?

Or Juvenal.

You'd love Juvenal, dear boy.

Step down.

Get me the Victorian edition
of the Juvenal Satires.

I'll get this, dear boy.

You keep the bed warm.

Oh!

Inspector, Sahab.

Do come in.

Sorry to bother you, Mr Jennings.

I'm sure it has
nothing to do with you,

but you took some photographs
of an antique Koran.

Why?

Well, I'm a student of old books.

And, as is well known in Karachi,

something of a collector.

It's a very old and
precious manuscript.

Mr Jennings, the Koran is missing.

Missing?

My God!

Do you want to
examine my collection?

Captain's table, no less!

How are you coming in Pakistan?

Um... by plane.

Gadde Nasheen is asking you if you
travelled to Pakistan for a purpose.

- Like some problems, or something...
- No, no.

I work for the
World Wildlife Organisation.

- Wildlife?
- Um... animals.

Preserving animals.

Like bustards.
The Arabs are killing them.

Arabs are killing bastards?

Er... you're getting there.

Ally, explain that we,
that is Alistair, er...

keeps the birds and animals
from being wiped out.

Endangered species?

He keeps them alive.

He works in a very big office
where they keep dying animals alive.

Why don't you keep
dying people alive?

Good point.

Very good point.

What your family...?

Ah, well, my father works for
the American Government, I suppose.

He's a... he's a Senator,

and, er...
my Mom volunteers for things.

Her father's
in the American government.

And now my family?

Well, Mum's a housewife.

Good?

And my father's a
consultant anaesthetist.

Kind of doctor.

His father's a famous doctor.

Lots of money.

Drink it. It's good for you.

What is it?

Kind of medicine. Herbs.

Very good.

No, no, I think I'll pass.

Come on, Ally, be a sport.

Drink it, drink it!

You'll be at it all night!

What have they
done to my fucking head?

Ally... Ally!

Ready, are we?

Gird your loins.

Get lost, I don't need preparing.

You're our sacrificial goat.

We must groom you for the ritual.

Take a deep breath.

You're going to ride the mare.

Not a nightmare, a white mare.

Come on, champion, time to mount.

Ally?

Oh, Jesus...

- Did I...?
- Mmm. Tweet tweet.

What's that for?

For love.

And those?

Hey.

They keep the sand
out of my eyes.

Baby will be coming.

The child will be our child.

We will all share it.

What... what...
what does he mean by that?

When he's born, America will rejoice.

If it's a boy,
I will circumcise him.

If it's a boy,
we will circumcise him.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I will recite
the call to prayer in his ear.

If it's a girl, Gulab Shah
will grant her health and beauty.

If it's one of us,
then it's in God's hands.

All right.

Oh, right.

It'll compensate for my behaviour.

I hope you've got some money.
You've just cleaned us right out.

- That's very good, very generous.
- Bye bye!

- Bye bye.
- Bye bye.

Wiped them out.
Hunted them down, every single one.

Can you imagine?

We had to reintroduce them.

Bring back a pair
donated to a zoo in Texas.

Ssh! You frightened them away.

"The wild deer,
wandering here and there,

- "keeps the human soul from care."
- Shut up!

"He who shall hurt the little wren
shall never be beloved by men."

- Aah! Look what you've done!
- Haven't you taken enough photographs?

- There you go with your Urdu again.
- Isn't it time you learned some?

No. It would take the mystery away.

Aaah!

Bitch!
Watch out, there's a snake!

Get out!

- Did it bite you?
- Yes.

What?!

There's a knife in the Jeep.
Get it.

- What for?
- To get the poison out.

- Before it gets to my heart.
- Allah!

- How long does it take?
- I think we've got two minutes.

What?!

I... I can't reach it.

- What are you doing?
- Trying to suck the poison out!

- Can I help?
- Please...

- What should I do?
- Suck...

Suck the fucking poison out!

It's all right.
You don't have to.

It was a joke.

Ha ha.

- You should see your face.
- I can't believe... Aaah!

You bastard!

Hello, Mr Godfrey. How are you?

Chugging along, thanks.

- I hope this is instructive.
- Thank you.

What if you ran into
an honest official, huh?

One who's not willing to take bribes?

Bribes?
Who's talking about bribes?

In the Subcontinent, it's a language.

Rupees speak louder than words.

Isn't this one banned?

My dear child, I'm the Scarlet
Pimpernel of Pakistani literature.

"They seek him here,
they seek him there."

I tell you, if these didn't sell..

Among the Pakistani intelligentsia,
there has been a rabid thirst

for the forbidden idea.

Salaam Alaikum, Dadaji.

You may be a divorced woman, baby,

but in Pakistan, divorce is not...

is not taking your chains off.

It is...

it is putting the handcuffs on.

Hmm...

You are seen moving in town with Mr...

Mr Alistair?

A foreigner!

They tell me...

they tell me Karachi is dangerous.

Hmm. No Pakistani
is going to marry a divorced woman,

except for your money.

Hmm...

And that means I have to...

I have to die first, huh?

Bete, you are the only thing
I have got.

A pearl more precious than...

than all my...

my tribe.

I'm working with him, Dadaji.
I need the money.

Hmm.

Here.

I'll need that just for petrol.

Fill Bibi's car with petrol.

Up to here.

What are you doing?

That Jeep...

is a bitch to drive.

Oh, what have you been eating?

- Come on.
- Oh, I'm far too tired.

Did I feel different?

You felt wonderful.

I think it's happened.

I'm twelve days late.

Well, did you have it checked?

Not yet, but I know it's there.

Why didn't you telephone?

They could have got
a message to me.

I didn't want you to rush back
and hold up your report. I...

Oh, but darling...

Oh, Jesus.

The whole world should
stop revolving for you.

Baby...

I went to bed every night
just hoping that it wouldn't start.

I can feel something.

Anyway, I did call.

They said Samira had gone up
for a few days.

Sam? Yeah, she came to take
some photographs for the report.

She didn't stay.

She went from Karachi
for three days.

Hey, don't spoil it.

Samira?

Nothing! Zero! Zilch!

I don't know what she does
with her time.

She came in the morning,
she left in the evening.

Ally...

The baby,

suppose it turns out to be like them?

Ally, wake up.

What?

What if the baby
turns out to be like them?

Oh, no, that's nonsense.

It's our baby, it'll be like us.

Our genes, our chromosomes.

Come on, Han.

Can you fix that with surgery?

There's no need for
this kind of paranoia.

The more the flies,
the better it's supposed to be.

- Memsab, you like taste?
- Oh, thank you.

Mmm. Tastes a little bit
like sweet soap.

Want a job?

A job? Right here?

Grandad. He gets the cook to taste
everything before he eats it.

The Mughal Emperors used to do it.

- How old is he?
- Eighty-two.

But he might as well be thirty.
He'll last for ever!

You resent him?

Not him.
Just myself and my weakness.

You know, if I was a Western woman,
I would have walked out on him.

Actually, he's all I've got,
and I love him dearly.

At the same time,
I want him to die.

- Not really.
- He keeps it all alive.

The violence, the threats,
guns, bodyguards.

And he's doing it for nothing.
I don't even want the wretched land!

My cousins can have it.

What I should do is
write a novel about it,

and sell it to Hollywood.

It'll make The Godfather
seem like Walt Disney.

Hold on a second.

- How much?
- Twelve hundred rupees.

Is it worth twelve hundred rupees?

There's something I haven't told you.

- Sir, this parcel came for you.
- Thanks, Bina.

Oh, Christ! Bloody phones!

Oh, Jesus!

Fucking bitch!

Shafiq, stop!

Kamal! Hey...!

- How are you?
- I'm fine. How are you?

I'm great. What are you up to?

Oh, just trying to see movies,
but doesn't matter.

There's a long queue, anyway.

- Movies? What kind of movies?
- Oh, lots of "dishoom, dishoom"!

- Ever seen a Pakistani movie?
- Never.

- You must be so busy.
- I've got a couple of hours.

- You go home.
- This is not good cinema, Memsahab.

Looks like
a perfectly good cinema to me.

Not good for foreign peoples.

Kamal will look after me.

You go home.

- Come, I'll get the tickets.
- No, no, I insist. Get the best.

This is re-run of Godfather.
You know Godfather?

- Made Pakistani style.
- Sounds very exciting.

Much better than Brando.

? Happy birthday to you

? Happy birthday to you

? Happy birthday, dear Dadaji.

You taste it first.

Dadaji, you don't even trust me.

Bibiji, the English Sahab is here.

Alistair?
What are you doing here?

Oh, I've come to Grandad's party.

Oh, don't worry,
I've had the bite taken out.

Come and give your
snake-juice to Grandad.

Dadaji, Alistair's brought you
a birthday present.

Hmm.

For you.

Hmm.

Mr Birch, for the last, er...
fifty years,

I've tried to keep my birthday
a... a secret.

But nothing can be kept a secret
in Karachi.

This country was
born under false pretences.

Religion never makes nations,
it only makes trouble.

Dadaji, it's your birthday.

I don't think we should start
with that again.

Once he starts with religion,
we end up with the whole family history.

And a very bitter history, Mr Birch.

No doubt. Very interesting.

Well, yes, interesting.

I'm sure your Mr Shakespeare
would find it interesting.

Brother against brother,

cousin murdering cousin,

for pieces of land that
have turned to desert.

For the right to levy taxes on...
on ghosts.

People who have long gone.

Tenants who no longer exist.

Anyway, Mr Birch,

this is neither the time
nor the place for such talk.

I suppose I should
take myself off, huh?

And thank you again for the Scotch.

My pleasure.

- Good night.
- Good night.

'Night.

This is where I used to hide
as a little girl. Come.

What do you think?

This is me as a baby.

My first camera.

Dadaji gave it to me.

I love it.

You want to go
on the Golden Flight?

Oh, no! Wild horses wouldn't
drag me on that thing!

Wild horses? Oh, you're
scared of going on that.

- No, really, I can't.
- Okay.

- Come, I'll buy you a drink.
- All right.

I don't know if I
should be here at all.

It's just good enjoyment.

Why do you live with Shehzada?

It's my home.

Yeah, I know, but why do
they want you there?

To help them.

How do you help them?

The shrine has so many secrets.

Do you like your Vimto?

Any good?

You can take it if you like.

I found it very difficult to read.

I don't think the mullahs
are going to like it.

Mmm...

Sam, I've got to get back. Hmm?

Got to get back.

Just like that, huh?

Back to your pregnant wife.

Come on, Sam.

Alistair?

Hmm? Hey!

You bitch, you!

- Hi.
- Very long scan.

Didn't the driver tell you?
I went to the movies.

What movies? What, at the club?

No, Urdu movies. Wild stuff!

You went to a Pakistani movie
on your own?

No, I ran into Kamal.

Who?

Kamal!

What, the eunuch boy?

Don't you want to hear
about the scan?

Oh, sure.

- Well, did it go all right?
- Mmm.

- Did you ask...?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, go on.

I thought you wanted to be
surprised... when he's born.

It's a boy!

Very good, Alistair.
You figured it out.

Where have you been?

Oh, just... dealing with some,
you know, wildlife.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Daddy.

No, we're still up.

Look, I don't want her to come.

Hi, Mom. How are you?

Listen, they have got every kind
of equipment here.

I asked the Ambassador to tell Dad.

Of course they're looking after me.

I'm not seventeen any more, all right?

No fads, straightforward high-tech.

Yes, it's clean.

Please, Mom!

Okay, 'bye.

Why didn't you tell them
it was a boy?

Because I don't wanna
tell them anything.

They wouldn't understand.

Understand what?

This pregnancy.

Me.

This baby.

They just wanna claim everything,

swaddle it in stars and stripes.

- For you, sir.
- Oh, thanks, Bina.

- Any chance of some tea?
- Sure.

Hello?

Hannah, are you all right?
Is everything okay there?

Hi, Daddy.
Yeah, everything is fine. Why?

Why? What do you mean, why?
Goddammit, they killed Arnie!

- They killed who?
- Arnie! Listen...

- Arnie Raphel? The Ambassador?
- Yes!

Wait... who, who killed him? Where?

In Pakistan, for God's sake!
Right where you are!

Haven't you heard?
I guess they were after the President,

but they got Arnie too.

The tragic death of the President
General Mohammed Zia - ul - Haq.

The President, accompanied by
his top - ranking generals,

- and the American Ambassador...

Boy is come to see you,
Memsahab. I ask him wait outside.

The plane exploded in mid - air
and there are no survivors.

An inquiry into the incident
has been launched...

Kamal! Come in. How are you?

Fine. I can see the good news.
It is good news, huh?

Come in, sit down.

Unbelievable about the President, huh?

I heard it on the radio.

Come, sit down.

President gets killed
just like John F Kennedy.

Even twenty years later, no-one
can discover who is killing whom.

These Presidents, they come and go.
Nothing changes.

Sit down.

So now you've got your baby,
you don't come to see us.

I will. I'm very grateful.

Doctor says it's a boy.

A boy? Your husband
must be very happy.

The movie was great.
You know, if it wasn't for you,

I never would have seen
that side of Karachi.

I've helped a lot of white people,
but they never help me back.

They left me some lousy books
and addresses.

But what good are addresses
without the money for the air ticket?

Where would you go?

Hannah, what does your
husband call you? Han?

- Mmm.
- Could I call you Han?

Sure, if you like.

You see, Han, this is just Pakistan.

It has a lot of rich culture,
a lot of religion,

and miracles,

but it's still just Pakistan.

So why don't you go?

Have you read a great book
by Leon Uris?

I don't think I've ever
read anything by Leon Uris.

In that, he says there are
some people chosen by God.

That is true.

Only one mistake he makes.

He thinks that they are all Jews.

But really they are all Muslims.

Only God will lead us
into the promised land.

Where is this promised land?

What do you mean? America!

I love America.

I saw a great film.

Dirty Harry.

"Make my day" - dishoom!

- Have you seen Dirty Harry?
- Mmm.

You see, in Pakistan,
plenty people have guns.

But they do it for politics.

That's stupid.

In America, they're smart.

They do it for money.

Money?
Is that what you're after?

Hello, sweetie.

Hi, Mr Alistair.

Another film night, is it?

Alistair! Kamal just dropped by.

Well, I've got to go
and take a shower.

I don't think Mr Alistair likes me.

I'm sure he likes you.

But maybe you should go, hmm?

And remember, when the baby comes,
Shehzada wants to see you.

I won't forget.

Ally!

Ally, I want to push.

- I wanna push!
- Keep calm, keep calm.

Listen, I'm going to get the doctor.
Just wait, keep calm.

Where the fuck is everyone?

Please... The baby, it's coming!

Is it all right?

He's beautiful.

Oh...

- Hi.
- Hi. Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, fine. You've, er...

- you really needn't have bothered.
- Needn't have bothered?

I'm under threat of death.

Your mother-in-law is stirring up
Washington with a big stick!

I've had calls from the Ambassador,
the Senate Majority Leader...

I didn't even take the one
from the White House.

There's a telephone over there.

They want you to call right away.

If you were to be granted one wish,

what would it be?

Gold. Money.

Oh, don't be so unimaginative!

I would wish for a rubber spine,

in order to attain
a certain self-sufficiency.

You are a filthy old man.

What do you want?

You paid our servant a bribe,

to touch the Holy Koran.

Oh, I see. I'm sorry that
the holy book is missing,

and hope that it is restored soon.

It is illegal to take photos
of Koran Sharif.

Where are they?

Well, I sent them to London,
to the museum.

There are Muslim scholars there
who study ancient texts.

We are requesting you
to please give us the photos.

Well, I'm sure that copies
can be arranged,

if you'll let me know
how to get in touch with you.

We'll come in three days.

Anything?

Michael would make Mom happy.

Dad's probably hoping for Moshe.

No. Moshe, no!

I still like Joseph the best.

Joseph, or Daniel.

Will you make up your mind?
I want to call my son something.

Then you decide. I'd say Joseph.

You mean Yusuf.

I do want a name that cuts
both ways. It's only symbolic.

Mmm, keep it very symbolic.
We don't want your dad to find out.

Hello, Joseph.

What the hell is that?

- Shall I call the police?
- No, don't do anything.

It's just a ceremony. They sing
and dance at the birth of a baby.

Yeah, well, not in front of
my house they don't!

Well, give them some money
and then they'll go away.

Like everything else in Pakistan!

Stay here.

What's going on?

Nothing, Sahab.
They are being nuisance.

- Well, what do they want?
- They want to see baby.

Well, they're not
going to see this baby!

Tell them if they don't clear off,
I'll call the police.

Go on!

Please, please, go home now!

Come on, please, that's enough.

Ally, you're making it worse!

Would you please go home, now!

Please, just go home now!

Just give them some money
and they'll go away.

I'm not giving them any money!
Then show them the baby.

What harm is it going to do?
Alistair!

Shafiq, what are they saying?

Just curses, Memsahab.
Cursing baby.

You dare curse my baby,
you son of a bitch!

Now go on! Fuck off!

Go on! Piss off out of here!

Fuck off!

They cursed my baby.
My God, they cursed my baby!

You stay away from him!

Han, stop it!

So fucking macho you had
to prove you were tougher!

And now they've cursed my baby!

Shut up! Shut the fuck up!

Don't you dare!

Don't you come near me!

Calm down!

Ally, you're just standing there.
You're not doing anything.

They cursed the baby,
because you drove them away.

Oh, Ally, I'm scared.

There's nothing to be scared of!

Come on, Han, some eunuchs!

No! They gave me the baby,
not just to take him back.

Look, he's got everything.

He's perfect in every way.

A perfect baby boy.

They won't hurt him.

No, they wouldn't.

They say anything.

The beggars curse you in the bazaars

for giving them one rupee
when they want two,

but that's Pakistan.

I want him circumcised.

Yeah?

Yeah. Just for protection, Ally.

He's Jewish, he's mine.

And yours.

We'll have him circumcised.

Then that'll be in the faith.

Jewish and Muslim.

At least five people were killed
when police opened fire

on an angry crowd which stormed the
US Information Centre in Islamabad,

protesting against the alleged reprinting
of Salman Rushdie's blasphemous novel,

The Satanic Verses. In a statement
broadcast on Tehran Radio today,

the Ayatollah Khomeini has
passed a decree

ordering the execution of the
Indian - born author Salman Rushdie.

The announcement said,
"I inform all intrepid Muslims

"of the world that the author of
the book entitled The Satanic Verses,

"which is against Islam,
the Prophet and the Holy Koran,

"as well as those publishers
aware of its contents,

"have been sentenced to death.

"I call on all zealous Muslims
to execute them quickly,

"so that no - one will dare insult
the Islamic sanctions.

"Whoever is killed on this path
will be regarded as a martyr."

Salman Rushdie has canceled his
promotional tour to the United States,

and gone into hiding, under
British police protection.

Sir, Memsahab drive away with boy!

Memsahab's gone crazy.

- What boy?
- Memsahab pushing Ayah out like this.

- I tried to stop him.
- The eunuch's boy took the baby.

- What happened?
- He took off nappy, sir.

What?

Yeah?

Hannah's cleared off with the baby.

Yeah, the boy from the shrine,
Kamal, he's been here.

- She's gone with him.
- Maybe she's gone there.

Hang on.

She's... she's found that
bloody picture you took!

Alistair, they castrate babies
at the shrine.

They do what?

Hannah!

I can't believe she'd do this.

She finally fucked you,
out of bed.

You bastard.

You know why I hate you?
It's nothing to do with her.

It's that you wouldn't trust me
with our son.

- My son, too!
- You asshole!

Think you're a father?
You've gotta earn that right.

A fuck doesn't make you a father!

You don't know anything
about that child.

He's not just ours.

You sent the police to shoot that man.
You're fucking crazy!

Listen, I thought they were going
to mutilate him.

- Oh, to hell with the bloody phone!
- Fuck off!

Where did you get this number?

You can write what you like,
but you're not going to get at my baby.

And you can go to hell!

Please handle this sensibly.

- Think of your dad, huh?
- My father?

What, is he lying in
the hospital with a bullet wound?

No! He's running round
to the networks

telling them that his little girl
hasn't turned into the Ayatollah.

Look, I'm sorry he got shot.

It's only a shoulder wound.
He'll live.

Hannah, let's get out of here.

Let's take Joseph,
and go to London.

We can fly out today. Just go.

Get some perspective on it all.

Fly away to London, huh?

You know what you've done,
you and your poisonous little bitch?

You've killed the good fairy.

Turned the blessing into a curse.

- Salaam Alaikum.
- Alaikum salaam.

Dadaji, my pictures!

I... I can't keep you in a...
in a cage like a...

mynah, huh?

These... these foreigners,
they come to Pakistan for...

for... for mischief,

but I'll do anything
to hold on to you.

I... I don't want land...

I... I don't want to live in
this house with guns.

Guns everywhere.

I... I haven't taken all this risk for...
for the foreigners to, er...

to steal you away.

- Hello?
- Alistair, it wasn't me.

You little bitch.

The bastards!

Why the hell did they do this?

Reason?
Our people don't need a reason.

They think you took God's book
and replaced it with Satan's.

If I were you, Godfrey,

I really would call the British Embassy
and ask for some protection.

Thanks very much.

- Mr Schwartz?
- Yeah.

Harvey Darnell, Consul.

Harvey, nice to meet you.

Sorry I didn't come to the plane,
but we want to keep this thing quiet.

- Shall we go straight to the car?
- Yeah.

So, how's the baby?

Oh, fine. Baby's doing fine.

Look, I know my sister.
She's always been a little flaky,

but basically, underneath,
she's sound.

It's just that she's...

always had this
terrible history with men,

until she met Alistair.

We didn't tell the Pakistani press
you were coming.

It's the biggest thing since
the President's plane blew up.

Yeah, well, they've had
an election since then.

Sure, but it's always
open season on Americans here.

Good grief, it didn't take you long!

Hi. How's it going?

Sorry about all this.

Yeah. You know Harvey?

Yeah, I meant to call you,
but what with...

It's, er...
it's been pretty hectic.

Yeah, press is having a field day.

- They'll be on your trail soon.
- Well, let 'em.

First of all, congratulations.

Mom and Dad sent me here with
about a hundred gifts for the kid.

Where's Hannah?
And can I see my nephew?

You're looking good. Is she okay?

Hannah?

Come and see who's here!

How have the folks taken it?

Dad denied the story. Said she
went to the shrine as a tourist.

Hannah!

Han, look who's come
to see you and Joseph.

Why don't you go and see her?

He may be half American,
but we're not calling him Joe.

All right?

One minute, Harvey.

If he is asleep,
you can wake him

to see his favourite uncle.

Hey, sweetheart.

Wow!

- Hey, Joseph.
- Yusuf.

Come on, Hannah, cut it out.

We have to talk,

and we're all
really worried about you.

Say what you came
all this way to say.

I came to find out.

I mean, c'mon, after all the papers,
and the TV shows, and the pictures...

How about Samira, eh?
That crazy bitch!

Look, we don't care about
the political damage. Really.

Dad doesn't care.

You can believe what you like.

You're free to worship when and where.

That is not family constitution.

Just give it to me straight.

Did you convert to Islam?

Does it matter?

Well, it seems to.
To the American press, anyway.

It doesn't matter to me, Han.

Hell, what do you think I am?
Some kind of bigot?

I suppose it does matter to Dad
and Mom because they're believers.

You didn't say whether
you did or didn't.

I want to feed Yusuf.

Can the grandparents have the
privilege of seeing their grandchild?

You mean catch the next plane, huh?

Who's there?

- What do you want?
- To see Shehzada, our Prince.

What prince?
We've got plenty of those here!

From the Gulab Shah shrine.

The old eunuch?

Just one visitor.

Nobody else!

Shehzad.

It'll be all right, don't worry.

The police have closed the shrine.
What's going on?

Even in Pakistan
there should be some justice.

What is there in this country
for our kind

except for bullets, flogging and jail?

What is there in Pakistan?
Army, Allah and America.

I spoke to the Police Inspector.
They want to charge you with fraud.

That's all I needed.

They'll summon that woman.

Your woman.

Your barren, white woman.

Harvey says there is one
synagogue in this whole town.

I know.

If I called Dad,

and told him that you and I
went to Temple,

along with Joseph,

oh...

man, that would go a long way!

No-one'll be there.

I took a liberty.

I called the Rabbi,
I told him about our situation.

He said he'd be very discreet.

He's bringing a cantor.

It's always your favourite part.

Remember?

Well, if we're going to Temple,

maybe you wanna
call your friend Samira?

She might wanna
make something of it.

Just get him ready. I'm all set.

Think she'll listen?

Well, the jury's out on that one.

One thing I do know,
she'll follow that baby.

What are you suggesting? Kidnap?

Father's got a right to his baby.

That ain't 'napping nothing.

Listen, where's Memsahab?

- Gone out.
- Where? It's important.

She's gone with her brother
to their mosque.

You know, where Jewish people go.
She's gone there.

Thank you.

God has blessed you
and our family.

Joseph is the first
born of our family

and I give thanks.

David?

Yeah?

Why are you such a hypocrite?

- I wasn't conscious of it.
- No?

Maybe when you
get into American politics,

you lose the sense of
what's PR and what's truth.

I tell you, you come halfway
round the world,

and that's the thanks you get.

Christ!

No doubt you missed out on some great
prosecution 'cause Mom told you

to come and fetch your little sister
who's gone all Islamic and funny.

Yeah, as a matter of fact I did.

Let me ask you a question.

What? Am I a Muslim?

No, I realise that's a stupid question.
This is just brother to sister.

It's the Santa Claus question.

Do you really believe
that this baby is a miracle?

Or, at least,
some kind of intervention?

Yes.

Allah's intervention,
brought about by eunuchs,

when the best gynaecologists
in the world couldn't, like, help.

David, I know nothing about miracles,

but here he is.

And I know that...

I don't know what I know.

You know what John said.

"In the beginning was the word."

People were born of words, David.

This baby, too.

And this word is the word of Allah,
not Jehovah.

Maybe I can't explain.

This particular word has to do
with this crazy country.

And with a...
a story about impotent eunuchs,

and a man named Gulab Shah,
the Rose King.

Look, Mom and Dad believe
he belongs to the family.

It's our first.
They're possessive about him.

Alistair has to come back to Pakistan
anyway, to wind up a few projects.

I'm not leaving till
the baby's circumcised.

I made a promise.

We don't have anything against you
keeping your promises.

Alistair says your doctor
will perform it tomorrow,

providing you don't mind an
uncomfortable baby on the plane.

- Hi.
- How did you...

- I was just waiting for you.
- Who's this?

Someone we know.
Kamal, this is my brother David.

I must talk to you.

- They will call you to court.
- Oh, no they won't,

and she doesn't want
to talk to you. Come on!

- To court?
- The police.

- They're saying we attacked you.
- We're in touch with the police.

The US Consulate will talk to them.
Now will you excuse us, please?

David, I wanna talk to him.

Take the baby. It's all right.

Is Shehzada still...?

Oh, for many years
they will keep him in jail.

Why?

Because America is strong,
and Pakistan is weak.

That's ridiculous.
They can't do that.

I'll go to court.
I'll say whatever you like.

You will?

Yes, for Shehzada,
for Gulab Shah.

Why did you come here?

To give thanks.

You think it was God?

What do you mean?

You don't remember anything?

I said more than
just prayers over you.

Don't say it, Kamal.

Don't say it to me,
don't say it to anybody.

It's my baby, no-one else's.

It's all wrong. It's nasty.

People go to your shrine
for a sign, a blessing.

- I'm not the only one.
- I don't wanna hear it!

- The Hijras keep six other men like me.
- Look, I can't deal with this!

That's what I've been doing
since I was fifteen years old.

Oh, God! I gotta go!

I don't ever want to see you again!

Hey, no, Hannah, please...

- No!
- Hey!

Don't just walk away!

It's okay, it's okay.

You talk to me. It's okay.
You tell your brother.

He was at the shrine.

They must have drugged us.

Ally doesn't even suspect.

It's okay. It's all right.

Shafiq! Phone!

Hello?

David, it's him.

Call him here.

You'll have to come here, Kamal.

No, I can't meet you outside.

Because I can't leave.

I can't leave the house.

Yeah, just you and me.

Okay.

Okay, I think I know his game.

Remind me to never accept the post
of Ambassador to Pakistan.

Hate to say no to the President,
but life is too short.

I'm gonna put the baby down.

Harvey?

David Schwartz here.

Listen, we need a favour.

Do you know the top cop?

Listen, Kamal, my brother's inside.

Doesn't want to hear
what you said to me this afternoon.

No, Hannah Memsahab, that's not
what I want to tell him.

What do you want?

I'm sorry to have
to say this to you, but...

we poor people, we read the papers,
some Urdu papers.

I read English,
so many books, everything.

I know you got into trouble
in the States.

I'm not in trouble
in the States, Kamal.

Your father, he's a big man.

And your brother, he's a Governor.

He's a District Attorney.

So he has a lot of influence.

Kamal, sit down and tell me
what it is you want, huh?

You know in your heart
what I say is true.

When I was with you,
you weren't asleep.

You put your arms around me.

You made love back to me.

No, Kamal.

You people drugged me.
And this afternoon, you said...

well, you told me it was your job.

I want to stop it.
I want to start a real life.

I gave you money. You want more?

I need green card.

- What?
- Green card. Entry for America.

Your brother and father
can easily help.

You want to go to the States?

Why?

In the States, everyone is equal.

You can earn money by
the sweat of your brow.

You've gotta be kidding me, Kamal.

All that shit you've been reading?
You think all that crap is for real?

I know what is real.

Your friend Samira
is not a good friend.

She's talking to newspapers.

She wants to talk to me.

I can talk to her.

That's not right, Kamal.
That's called blackmail.

Shooting my Godfather is not right!

What's going on?

You white people think
you can do anything!

But when we do something for you,
it's all a secret.

- We get nothing!
- You want something?

I'll give you something, you
little punk stud son of a bitch!

You think you're gonna come in here
and blackmail my sister?

This guy just stole my wallet.

You think you can trap me, mister?

You know who is father of baby?

Well, what did he want?

You went with the cops,

shot his boss,

so he turned up with...

threats.

Ally?

Ally.

I think he needs changing.

Ally...

Ally!

Ally!

Doctor?

Dadaji...

I don't need it.

The show's over.

Completely over...

finished.

Leave that Englishman.

Get married...

to a Muslim...

a Muslim.

Please...

I just need to speak to Samira.

Let the Sahab in.

There was an
exhibition of truck art in London.

Or was it rickshaws in Bangladesh?

We gotta get outta here.

I don't know what it is,
but this place warps your mind.

Whenever a truck comes straight for you,
I always know it's a Pathan driving.

Very macho.

Do you know
the Italian saying "peccavi "?

When Charles Napier
conquered this place,

he sent a message to
the Governor General saying:

"I have Sind."

Hannah?

Do you want me to...?

No.

Good luck.

- Mr Alistair?
- Ji haan.

So, what are you gonna do?

I was going to try and speak to you.

I mean today.

I'm not coming with you.

But you should go with the baby,

and David.

So that's where it ends?

Ally, I came all the way out here
to beg you to come back with us.

I knew where you'd be.

Are you going to
come home with me now?

- I mean, shouldn't we talk?
- Han, there's nothing to talk about.

You believe in miracles.

I don't.

I don't either.

- Ally, please...
- No.

I need to stay here.

Now, I'll be in touch.

You take care of yourself,

and your baby.

All right.

I guess I got what I wanted, didn't I?

Leave it. There's a baby.

- Bye bye, Shafiq.
- Bye bye, Memsahab.

Thank you, sir.

Bye, Nasreen.

Please, sir?

May I speak with you?

Who is this clown?

He's the head of the shrine.
The one they shot.

Memsahab, police...

taking my boy, Kamal, to jail.

Memsahab, I'm begging you.
Get him released.

You're going away.
And we're left with all the misery.

Return my boy for Gulab Shah's sake.

You came to the shrine for help.

Memsahab, we have no - one else but you.

What is he saying?

He say his boy in jail.

He want help.

Well, I can't help him.

Tell him he's got to talk to the
Pakistani District Attorney, or whoever.

Let's get moving. I've got
half an hour to get to the airport.