All language subtitles for R t B S03E02 1080p WEBRip x264 BAE_track3_[eng]

Andrew:
Tonight, the family's going to

Crouching chicken, hidden pork
asian buffet.

Ramesh, since you're new to
this pham tradition,

I want to go over
some ground rules.

I think I understand
how to go out for dinner.

First rule of asian buffet.

No carbs!

But I like noodles.

Not at $33.99
a head, you don't.

Carbs are filler.

You like ginger beef
and spareribs now.

If it bleeds...

...It leads.

The second rule of asian buffet.
Plate stacking.

Fill multiple plates
every time.

If you don't look like
a walking jenga tower,

You're doing it wrong.

This saves time.

Time is money,
and money is...

...Meat.

Kids, you don't find this
all ridiculous?

I hold the buffet record
for most peking duck

Eaten in one sitting.

Not for much longer.
(cracking jaw)

Third rule of asian buffet...

...Dress appropriately.

Drawstrings and micro-blends
wick away that meat sweat.

Any questions?

Is there at least
a dessert buffet?

(laughing)

I'm so glad you asked.

All:
No dessert!

That's more empty carbs.

Have sweet-and-sour pork.

It's dessert and meat.

The key to asian buffet is...

- ...Protein...
- ...Protein...

...Protein!

Oh, gout foot! Gout foot.

Damn you, protein.

(shouting, moaning)

Lie down! Lie down!

(moaning)

Camille:
I just got off the phone

With the doctor's office.

Apparently, dr. Edmonds retired?

What?
Since when?

The office said they sent
a notice two months ago.

Yeah.

I vaguely remember
seeing a letter

And putting it in
the "to deal with later" pile.

Well, work's been hectic
for the both of us.

Some things were bound to slip
through the cracks.

Yeah,
but has it been that long

Since we've seen a doctor?

Yeah. I've been saving
my aches and pains

Until my list got to 10.
I'm at seven.

Hey.
Um, does this mole look sus?

- Ew.
- Make it eight.

- Oh.
- (ramesh clearing throat)

Andrew, camille?

Since coming to learn that I,
as your house guest,

Have been
taking up too much space

And mouth-breathing loudly,

I've committed myself
to rectifying these issues,

And I will be paying my own way
from this day forth.

So, I will be tallying up
in this ledger

Everything that I use.

For instance, I just used
a capful of laundry detergent,

That means I owe you
about... 43 cents.

Okay, dad.
So, that's really not necessary.

Camille, please.
That is the plan.

Ramesh devani is no mooch!

So, hear me out.

We do know a doctor.

We're not calling
dr. Bonecracker.

Why? She is your sister.

Carol used to pull my arm
out of my socket

Just to practise
popping it back in.

I can't do monkey bars
to this day.

So, what?
We just don't have a doctor.

I mean, what is this?

No call, no goodbye?

Just like, poof! He's gone.
What is this feeling?

Oh, right. This is
your first time getting dumped.

First time's the hardest.
Tenth time is also hard.

Dr. Edmonds can't just retire
and abandon me.

I mean, us.
(chuckling)

What are you gonna do?

Stalk the doc on social media

So I can learn his routines
and track him down.

- (cackling)
- I love your fire so much,

Even if it'll get us arrested
one day.

Aha! He power walks
at the park on tuesdays.

Well, for now,
I'll stick with tradition.

Dau xanh.

This'll last me till I get
the good painkillers.

Green oil helps everything.

Swelling, itches, tummy aches,
childhood trauma.

Oh. I thought ông noi
and bà noi were here.

Nope. Just your grandparents'
pungent yet wonderful smell.

My gout flare-up means that it
hurts to walk or move or exist.

(sighing)

Will I get gout
when I'm older?

Oh, my boy.

I can see that you're worried.

Rub this on your temple.
It helps with anxiety.

Camille: Um, hi. Dr. Edmonds.
Can we talk?

Camille?
What are you doing here?

And how did you find me?

Don't answer.

You're under no obligation
to incriminate yourself.

Hey. How would everyone feel
about slowing down a little bit?

- Okay. You can't leave us.
- Ow!

I mean, retire.

Look at how many people retire
and then literally drop dead.

Do you want to drop dead?

No. Your life needs structure.
It needs purpose.

- We can be your purpose.
- Yes.

You continue to be our doctor,

And we continue to get
prescriptions

Whenever we need them.

It's win-win.

I'm going to need a minute.

Oh, I'm already winning.

Retirement is great.
Ngozi and I are snowbirds now.

We just bought a winter place
in palm springs.

Well, you know, a lot of people
die there, too.

Fine.
How about a goodbye present,

A lifetime prescription
of painkillers?

Oh, I gave up my licence.

But I can give you some advice
as a layperson.

Sure. Anything.

You really shouldn't power walk
on that.

You think?

Argh!

Time for a new doctor.

One that will never, ever
leave us.

- Ugh.
- Okay.

Okay.
This one has four stars.

Okay.

People like the doc, but find
his haircut distracting.

Oh. If he can't be trusted
with his hair,

I can't trust him
with my body.

Okay.

- Ah. Five stars.
- Oh?

Good parking.
Friendly receptionist,

And top-tier
magazine subscriptions.

Okay, okay.

Let's go snag ourselves
a new doc.

Okay!

(whimpering)

♪ here we go,
my head's another space ♪

Okay.
One coconut milk tea.

- (phone vibrating)
- (someone screaming)

Sorry.
Gave my mom a new ringtone.

(screaming ringtone continues)

Are you ever going to
actually call her back?

Frankly, I'd rather clean
the tapioca pearl machine.

That does need to be done.

Also can't deal
with that today.

Oh. Hi.

Um, what--
what can I get for you?

Uh, let's see.

Can I get a coconut matcha with
grass jelly topping, please?

Totally.
That's actually my favourite.

(giggling) and could I get it
in my cup?

Yeah.
That'll get you 10% off.

Sweet.

Uh, I really like
your earrings.

Thanks.
They're vintage.

- Thrifting is the best.
- Isn't it?

Um, you know, we actually have
a lot in common.

Yeah.

More than you'd think.

I actually came to
introduce myself to you.

I'm noor.

Mannix and I are...

Kinda dating.

Oh.

I knew that you worked here,

And I just wanted to
break the ice.

'cause, you know,
your friendship

Is really important to mannix,

And I just don't want things
to be awkward.

(laughing)

Awkward? I mean, no.
Why would things be awkward?

I'm just talking to

My ex-girlfriend's
new girlfriend in a place

I can't leave.

Abort. Abort.

We should-- we should--

We should hang out
all the time.

I mean, we should all hang out
sometime.

Yeah. (giggling)
I'd love that.

Thanks.

Okay.
Well, uh, see you later, khia.

Khia:
Bye.

You okay?

I don't know.

Uh, mannix mentioned
starting to date other people,

But now that it's really
happening, it feels different.

Dating is horrific.

But I want to keep mannix
as a friend. What do I do?

- Avoid her.
- What?

Then you'll never have to
face the pain.

But she lives next door.
What am I supposed to do, move?

Yes.

(phone vibrating
and screaming)

Every doctor's office
is full?

I can't believe

Even the one-star doctor
wouldn't take us.

I swear that medical degree was
printed on the back of a flyer.

(moaning)

Green oil not working?

It's diminishing returns
on the pain.

Still comforting, though.

(sniffing) mmm.

Sweet dau xanh. Ohh.

(door opening and closing)

Woman: Is there a doctor
in the house?

So, babe,
we were out of choices.

I took the nuclear option.

Ha-ha. Yeah.

It's me, bitch.

(sniffing)
ah. Sweet dau xanh.

Thanks for coming, carol.

I wouldn't have called
if we weren't desperate.

I wouldn't even call
if I was dead.

(shouting)

Technically,
I'm a surgeon, not a gp.

But anything for family.

Speaking of which,
how are you and my cuz?

You still in
the honeymoon phase?

- Totes.
- (groaning)

But living with nikhil is still
taking some getting used to.

Hmm.

Like, he leaves water glasses
everywhere.

Ramesh:
Ha. Rookie mistake.

To live with someone
is to clean up after yourself,

And to pay your own way.

Which is why
I'm letting everyone know

I used one red rose tea bag,

Valued at 18 cents,
and I'm noting it in my ledger.

Wow. He's a fun addition
around here.

Oh, yes, he is.

Well, if I'm gonna fill in
as your family doctor,

I'm going to need to
ask you some questions.

Then ask.
I got nothing to hide.

What colour
is your poop lately?

- Come on!
- Just answer her.

She's a doctor.

It's normal coloured.

So, multi-coloured,
like always.

Gross. Okay.
Second question.

How often do you play
marco solo?

Poach the egg?
Shake hands with the milkman?

- What?
- How often do you masturbate?

Okay! We're done.

You cannot be my doctor.
It'll never work.

Exactly.

It's too weird for
your family doctor to be family.

- (sighing)
- okay? You need to

Get someone who you can be open
and honest with and doesn't

Make you clamp up every time we
talk about bodily fluids.

Don't.
Don't say "bodily fluids."

I could say
a whole lot of other things,

- Like "semen."
- no.

- "prostate."
- no.

- "fecal vomiting."
- that's not a thing.

Okay. You both were right.

This is definitely
not going to work.

I did, however, manage to
get you some sweet painkillers.

Oh, yeah!

But bro, you seriously need
a family doctor.

So, got you a referral.

- Ah! Fantastic.
- Yeah.

It's a friend
I went to med school with.

- Starting a new clinic.
- I'll call now.

Can you also help me
to the bathroom?

I got to make colours.

Oh, okay.

Ugh.

- Yo, bac carol?
- Hey.

If gout is hereditary,
does that mean I'll get it, too?

Gout's not that bad, buddy.

With precautions,
it's preventable.

- So, don't worry about it.
- (exhaling) okay. Thanks.

Yeah. Plus there are a ton
of other diseases

That asians are genetically
susceptible to,

Like stroke,
kidney disease, tuberculosis.

So, if you're gonna worry
about something,

Worry about those.

(heart pounding, gasping)

- You good?
- What?

Uh, yeah. Why?

You haven't actually put water
in the mop bucket.

Oh. Uh, oops.

Still thinking about
mannix's girlfriend?

Uh, yeah. I guess it bothered me
more than I expected.

Listen. Being friends
with your exes is brutal.

10 out of 10,
do not recommend.

You're not friends
with any of your exes?

No.
We break up, you're dead to me.

So, you just avoid people
forever?

You got to protect yourself.

There are 37 people dead to me,
and look how happy I am.

Whoa.

This place is hopping.

Camille:
Oh, look at them.

All dressed up for
their sears portrait photos.

Mm-hmm.
Hey. Check them out.

Trifold.
Bunch of keeners.

Yeah. Everybody here is trying
to woo the new doctor.

Huh. I'd hate to be them.
Good thing we got that referral.

Nepo-patients
for the win.

Both:
Eeeh!

Andrew and camille pham?

Ah.

We're on a list.
It's embarrassing... You know...

Great seeing you.
Great seeing you.

Hi. I'm so sorry
about the wait.

Okay.

I'm dr. Kalangitan.

Can you give me a bit
of background about yourselves?

Oh. I think you'll find
that I'm very low-maintenance.

I've got a list
of minor concerns

I've been making note of.

I'm currently
at number nine,

Having just developed
an eye twitch.

But yeah. I won't bother you
till I hit a 10.

- And I'm overall super healthy.
- Yeah.

One might even
say invincible.

But every now and then,
my gout flares up.

Which is why I'm here,
because I need a prescription

For some painkillers.

(chuckling)

How are you sleeping
these days?

Ugh. Not great.

I keep having this dream

Where I show up for an exam
that I haven't studied for it.

But then I ace it,

And then I realize
it's an exam for supervillains

And I just signed up for
a life of crime.

And I'm a very good sleeper.

I don't hog the sheets.
I don't snore.

Just a great
companion overall.

Has anything changed
in your marriage lately?

Oh, now,
that's a personal question, doc.

What's that got to do with
my gout?

I need to understand
your situation,

Including your mental health.

- Oh, right.
- Ooh.

So, we're just looking for
a family doctor.

You know, someone reliable

That we can come to
for prescriptions.

The gout.

I see.

I have a holistic approach
to medicine.

- Oh, that-- yeah.
- I treat the whole patient.

Mm-hmm.

I don't just
dispense prescriptions

Like a vending machine.

- Mmm. Mm-mmm.
- No.

If I were to take a family on,
I need the full picture.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Hold up.

I think you just said "if".
Did you just say "if"?

We have a referral.
You're friends with my sister,

Carol pham, 5'3", asian,
very annoying?

The referral was for a meeting,
which you got.

I'm deciding case-by-case
which patients to take on,

And our time is up.

(chuckling)

I have another 30 families
to meet with today.

Thanks for coming in.

Okay. See you soon.

You say it back.

You say "see you soon" back.

Oh, yeah.

- (phone chiming)
- ah. It's carol.

She heard back
from dr. Kalangitan.

- (phone chiming)
- and it did not go well.

- (sighing)
- (phone chiming)

And apparently,
there's a loser emoji now.

Oh, man. Ow! Oh, my god.

- Ugh. Green oil in the eye.
- Oh, yeah.

That's going
to sting real bad.

Maybe more green oil
makes it better?

Okay.

So, I looked online,
and there are a lot of diseases

More common for asian people
to get.

And there's a bunch of stuff
more common

For south asian people
to get.

Am I high-risk
to get everything

From my vietnamese side
and my indian side?

'cause if I am,
I'm definitely getting diabetes.

Ugh.

Well, leo,
that is a great question

For our family doctor,
if we had one.

Mom, are you crying?

Oh.
No, honey. No.

It's just, um, this.
The green oil.

But I am upset.

Your father and I messed up
big time.

Okay.
So, fix it.

You're always telling me

To face my mistakes
and make them right.

Yeah.
We do do that, don't we?

Yeah.

We're, like,
really good parents.

Both:
Eeeh!

- Oh!
- Did I get you?

- Green oil in the eyes.
- Oh, no.

♪

- Hey.
- Hey, mannix.

I know your break
is coming up soon.

You can come hang out with me
and noor if you want.

Actually, I promised cathy

That I would clean out
the tapioca pearl machine.

Uh, okay. Yeah.
Um, maybe next time?

- Totally.
- Hmm.

Nice. Who needs
that kind of awkwardness?

Yeah.

(sighing)

Except this also sucks.

Yeah. We won't let it go so long
next time between cleanings.

No.

Avoiding the problem.
It also feels bad.

And this way,
nothing changes.

Tapioca machine gets cleaned.

But if I face the cringe-y part
now, get it over with,

I'll keep my friendship
with mannix.

(sighing)
I'm going over there.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

I, uh, don't have to clean
it anymore.

- Oh, cool. Sit down.
- Sit. Awesome.

- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Man: Have a great night.

Oh. You're back.

Dr. Kalangitan,
we're sorry about before.

If you take us on,

We'll be the best patients
you've ever had.

We'll hardly ever come in.

That's what you took
from our meeting?

No. I don't want patients
who ignore their health.

Excuse me.

Wait.

- (beatboxing)
- pop and lock.

- Sprinkler.
- (beatboxing)

What is this?

It's a flash mob.
(laughing nervously)

Nobody can resist
a flash mob.

- Come on. Join in!
- Yeah.

- No. I'm good.
- Your loss.

Okay. Running man.

(moaning)

No. Now it's hurting man.
Babe, we got to pivot.

- It's prom-posal time.
- Oh. Good one, babe.

Dr. Kalangitan,

Would you please
do us the honour

And be our doctor
until death do us part?

Which is hopefully
a long time from now

If you're a good doctor.

Please get up.

I really wish I could.

Look.
None of this is necessary,

Or persuasive.

- Ah.
- Sorry.

We panicked.

Ugh.

We've just been
so stressed out,

Juggling two full-time jobs
for the first time,

Parenting teenagers.

Not having a doctor is just
another stress

To add to the pile.

Well, what have you been doing
to cope with this stress?

- Eating.
- Oh?

Especially meat.
That's my comfort meat.

I mean, food.

I didn't know
you were so stressed out.

I didn't want to bring it home
with me.

And we haven't been
communicating

As well as we usually do.

True.

It took a gout flare-up for us
to finally spend

- A whole day together.
- Ugh.

I am so happy to see you two
talking about this openly.

That is what I want to see
in my patients.

Does that mean
that you'll take us on?

Come back in the morning.

(laughing)

And tonight, avoid foods
that are high in purines,

Like red meat and seafood.

Take ibuprofen
and elevate that foot.

Yes. Of course.
Thank you.

Both (cackling):
She said yes!

Yay!

Nope. You weren't there
for us then.

You're not there for us now.

- Mannix: Was great to see you.
- Khia: Yeah.

It was really nice
meeting you.

- Oh.
- Sure.

- Mannix: Do your thing.
- Khia: Absolutely.

It's nice meeting you.
See you.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So... That looked
super awkward.

Yep.
I kind of wanted to die.

But noor is really nice
and a lot of fun,

And the important thing is
it'll be easier next time.

It's annoying how mature
you kids are these days.

Thanks, cathy.

No problem.

And since you're so into
discomfort,

The tapioca machine
still needs cleaning.

Ugh. Fine.

(screaming ringtone sounding
and vibrating)

(ringtone continues)

Nope. Not ready.

We've called you together

Because there's going to be
some changes in this house.

I paid for the grapes.
They were mine to finish.

Okay.
This isn't about the grapes.

It's about diabetes.

It's not about diabetes.

No. We've just both been
very busy lately,

And not been taking
the best care of ourselves.

So, we're going to try and find
that balance again.

For me, that means a bit
less focus on comfort meats.

Wait. Does that mean
no more asian buffet?

(sighing) no.

We'll still go.

But... Noodles
are now in play.

Ha.

- It's okay. They know.
- $33.99 a head

Now, they know.
Now, they--

Of noodles?
I can make noodles.

It'll be good
to focus on self-care again.

Mm-hmm.
And each-other care.

You know what I mean?

Uh, we're in here.

Oh.
I see.

So, this electricity usage
is on your dime, then?

Dad, you got to ditch
that notebook.

- Ledger.
- No.

We're not going to take
your money.

Seriously.
You don't owe us anything.

But ramesh devani
is no mooch.

You're not a mooch.

You are family.

Fine.
I accept your hospitality.

Hmm.

Fyi, I just blasted through
a can of cashews.

I thank you for it.

So, call it a night?

Yeah. I'm beat.

- (sighing)
- (sighing)

- (thudding)
- ow! Oh, oh!

Stubbed my toe. Call the doc!
That's 10.

Yes.
But first, dau xanh.

Pungent, yet wonderful.

(sniffing)

(camille moaning)

♪