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♪{\i1} It seems today{\i0}
{\i1} that all you see{\i0} ♪
2
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,210
♪{\i1} Is violence in movies{\i0}
{\i1} and sex on TV{\i0} ♪
3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,840
♪{\i1} But where are those{\i0}
{\i1} good old-fashioned values{\i0} ♪
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,910
♪{\i1} On which we used to rely?{\i0} ♪
5
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,260
♪{\i1} Lucky there's a family guy{\i0} ♪
6
00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:21,670
♪{\i1} Lucky there's a man who{\i0}
{\i1} positively can do{\i0} ♪
7
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,250
♪{\i1} All the things that make us{\i0} ♪
8
00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:24,440
♪{\i1} Laugh and cry{\i0} ♪
9
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:30,360
♪{\i1} He's... a...{\i0}
{\i1} Fam... ily... Guy.{\i0} ♪
10
00:00:36,780 --> 00:00:38,040
[sighs] Son of a bitch.
11
00:00:38,210 --> 00:00:39,450
What's wrong, Peter?
12
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,620
Eh, our I.T. guy told me today
that, apparently,
13
00:00:41,770 --> 00:00:44,450
I've had a work e-mail address
ever since I started there.
14
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,600
So now I got to slog
through 17,000 messages.
15
00:00:47,620 --> 00:00:50,380
Aw, crap, we didn't have
to come in on 9/11?
16
00:00:50,530 --> 00:00:52,940
I never even liked working
at that stupid brewery.
17
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,300
Hardly my dream job,
I'll tell you that much.
18
00:00:55,450 --> 00:00:57,710
Now, there's
an interesting question.
19
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,540
What would be your dream job?
20
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,550
Dream job? Oh, that's easy.
21
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:02,950
Ever since I was a kid,
22
00:01:03,050 --> 00:01:06,070
I always pictured myself
being an international spy.
23
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,940
♪ ♪
24
00:01:13,130 --> 00:01:15,960
So, beautiful,
which lamp did you unplug
25
00:01:15,970 --> 00:01:17,650
to charge your phone
in the room?
26
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,060
Mine's in the bathroom.
27
00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:21,740
Mm, you know,
I never caught your name.
28
00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:25,580
The name is Band. Lap Band.
29
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:27,090
-[rapid gunfire]
-[screams]
30
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:31,320
Careful. Here come the bad guys
from whatever country
31
00:01:31,330 --> 00:01:33,590
won't offend American
or Chinese audiences.
32
00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:35,500
-[gunfire]
-[grunts]
33
00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:38,480
You have dishonored the people
of Finland, Mr. Band.
34
00:01:38,510 --> 00:01:41,060
Shoot him,
fellow tall introverts.
35
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,070
["Bond 77" by Marvin Hamlisch
playing]
36
00:01:57,930 --> 00:02:00,100
Yep. All definitely me.
37
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,940
Whoosh. Zoom.
38
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,540
Ski noise.
39
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,700
[to tune of Pilot's "Magic"]
♪{\i1} Oh, oh, Ozempic...{\i0} ♪
40
00:02:16,790 --> 00:02:18,140
They threw a ton of money at us.
41
00:02:18,290 --> 00:02:19,640
We couldn't say no.
42
00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:22,680
[dramatic, jazzy theme playing]
43
00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:32,370
[Peter chuckling]
{\i1} All right.{\i0}
44
00:02:32,390 --> 00:02:34,800
{\i1} Hey, I wonder who they got{\i0}
{\i1} to do the song.{\i0}
45
00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:36,880
{\i1} Blech.{\i0}
46
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:39,720
♪{\i1} When you're a spy{\i0} ♪
47
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:42,910
♪{\i1} You got a lot on your mind{\i0} ♪
48
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,910
♪{\i1} You look high and low{\i0} ♪
49
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:49,840
♪{\i1} You never know{\i0}
{\i1} what you'll find{\i0} ♪
50
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,330
♪{\i1} Spy life.{\i0} ♪
51
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,050
[Peter sighs]
{\i1} Mercifully brief.{\i0}
52
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:01,590
Good morning, Agent 5-5-5.
53
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,760
Ugh, right. 'Cause this is
a number on a television show.
54
00:03:04,910 --> 00:03:08,020
I say, you look as bewitching
as ever, Miss Takeapenny.
55
00:03:08,170 --> 00:03:10,430
Oh, didn't you hear?
I got married.
56
00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:12,630
I'm now
Ms. Takeapenny-Leaveapenny.
57
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,360
Wow, lucky gentleman.
58
00:03:14,510 --> 00:03:16,770
Because he gets to plow you,
is what I mean.
59
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,340
So debonair.
60
00:03:18,370 --> 00:03:20,950
You know, now that I'm married,
I'm actually leaving.
61
00:03:21,090 --> 00:03:23,370
I'm training
my replacement, Todd.
62
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,020
A male secretary?
63
00:03:25,110 --> 00:03:27,370
[sighs] Well, I suppose
I'll just have to adapt
64
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:28,620
and harass him now.
65
00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:30,690
Nice penis, Todd.
66
00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:32,110
Oh, Mr. Band.
67
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,790
Okay, good,
he knows how to play along.
68
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,600
Yeah, this is-- this'll work.
69
00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:38,440
I understand you have
a mission for me, M,
70
00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:41,260
which I can only assume
stands for "man."
71
00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:44,130
Good morning, Mr. Band.
72
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,610
Whoa. My boss is
the new Little Mermaid
73
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:47,810
I'm so mad about.
74
00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:50,470
Mr. Band, we have
reports of a plan
75
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,950
to intercept a European
nuclear device
76
00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:55,960
by the villainous
mastermind, Blofella.
77
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,220
Got it, M.
78
00:03:57,390 --> 00:04:01,770
Or-or is it maybe MHM
and you pronounce it "mm-hmm"?
79
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:02,990
M is fine.
80
00:04:03,140 --> 00:04:04,970
Okay, yeah, I--
times have changed
81
00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:06,620
and I-I got to--
I need to catch up.
82
00:04:07,750 --> 00:04:10,000
♪ ♪
83
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,070
Oh, hey, Q.
Hey, have you seen who M is?
84
00:04:17,170 --> 00:04:19,150
Which I totally support,
by the way.
85
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:20,590
In fact, it was my idea
and I fought for it.
86
00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,000
You should've heard me.
87
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,080
Okay, just let me show you
the cutting-edge equipment
88
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,600
you'll need for your mission.
89
00:04:25,820 --> 00:04:29,260
First, I have this fridge
that displays today's headlines.
90
00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:31,770
Did-- did you just go
to Best Buy?
91
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,090
No. I also have these headphones
92
00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:36,110
that block out
ambient plane noise.
93
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,860
Yeah, you-you just went
to Best Buy.
94
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,330
-I did not!
-So, where am I headed?
95
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,530
We're expecting Blofella
96
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,770
to attempt to intercept
the bomb in Belgium.
97
00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:44,930
Oh, awesome.
98
00:04:45,030 --> 00:04:46,290
That's the country where
they basically have
99
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:47,850
dessert for breakfast, right?
100
00:04:47,860 --> 00:04:50,530
Agent triple-five,
I cannot stress enough--
101
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,660
no dessert for breakfast.
102
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,710
♪ ♪
103
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,880
Greetings, Mr. Band,
104
00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:07,310
on behalf of Belgian
Secret Services.
105
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:09,050
Oh, hey.
I-I'd shake your hand,
106
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,310
but my arm is syrup-glued
to the table.
107
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:14,230
The name is Alice. Alice Boobs.
108
00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:17,200
[giggles]
That works in two ways.
109
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:19,710
No, it's-it's really just one.
110
00:05:19,730 --> 00:05:21,410
♪ ♪
111
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:26,550
Our intelligence has revealed
that the bomb transfer is
112
00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:30,740
to take place in this warehouse
for generic wooden crates.
113
00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,620
♪ ♪
114
00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:40,910
-[helicopter whirring loudly]
-[speaking indistinctly]
115
00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:42,840
What? It's very loud.
116
00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:45,130
[shouting indistinctly]
117
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:49,020
We're getting none of this.
118
00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:50,500
If we can't hear him,
119
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,080
he can't hear us saying
we can't hear him.
120
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:54,510
What a mess!
121
00:05:54,670 --> 00:05:55,930
Gavin. Gavin.
122
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:57,910
Turn off--
turn the helicopter off.
123
00:05:57,930 --> 00:06:01,770
I-I was going to say, "Sorry
to drop in on your party,"
124
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,680
but, uh, feels stupid now.
125
00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:05,020
Get 'em, boys.
126
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:06,510
So that's it, Blofella?
127
00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:08,420
You're just gonna have us
killed by your henchmen?
128
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,770
Oh, okay, I'd rather you
not use that word.
129
00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:12,750
They are independent
contractors.
130
00:06:12,930 --> 00:06:14,430
He doesn't want
to pay us benefits.
131
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:17,120
There is an app they log into
when they want to work,
132
00:06:17,270 --> 00:06:19,030
around their schedule.
133
00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:22,630
I am not their employer.
The app is their employer.
134
00:06:22,770 --> 00:06:24,530
Goodbye, Mr. Band.
135
00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:26,600
[laughing maniacally]
136
00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:29,640
[grunting]
137
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,380
[groans]
138
00:06:38,470 --> 00:06:40,380
[Peter]
{\i1} It wasn't looking good.{\i0}
139
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,030
{\i1} But thankfully,{\i0}
{\i1} Q had supplied me with...{\i0}
140
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:46,400
{\i1} Captain America's shield.{\i0}
141
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,550
[Quagmire]
{\i1} What? No, no, no.{\i0}
142
00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:48,640
{\i1} You can't just become{\i0}
143
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,580
{\i1} a Marvel character{\i0}
{\i1} halfway through.{\i0}
144
00:06:50,730 --> 00:06:52,810
[Joe]
{\i1} Also, we usually see{\i0}
{\i1} all the stuff{\i0}
145
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,320
{\i1} Q gives you at the beginning.{\i0}
146
00:06:54,420 --> 00:06:56,810
{\i1} This feels very unearned.{\i0}
147
00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:59,740
[Peter]
{\i1} Belgian intelligence learned{\i0}
{\i1} that Blofella's plan was{\i0}
148
00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:01,950
{\i1} to use the nuclear device{\i0}
{\i1} he'd intercepted{\i0}
149
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,650
{\i1} to blow up the city{\i0}
{\i1} of Las Vegas.{\i0}
150
00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:07,150
{\i1} But that wasn't the only{\i0}
{\i1} emergency I was dealing with.{\i0}
151
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,650
Yeah, you said everyone
in Vegas wears tuxedos,
152
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:12,170
and I'm starting to feel
pretty self-conscious.
153
00:07:12,270 --> 00:07:14,090
Uh, I didn't say "definitely."
154
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,100
I said,
"It was my understanding."
155
00:07:16,330 --> 00:07:19,020
[gasps]
Agent triple-five, look.
156
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,330
[cheering]
157
00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:25,030
[gasps]
Blofella. Not on my watch.
158
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,030
-[grunts]
-[screams]
159
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,160
[slot machine chiming]
160
00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:40,040
[exhausted panting]
161
00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:42,040
I can't find my way out.
162
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:45,020
Okay, well, that says
"breakfast buffet" that way,
163
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,970
but I'm pretty sure
we've seen it twice.
164
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,220
♪ ♪
165
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:53,030
Here we are again
at North Suite Elevators.
166
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:54,480
I don't know, should we--
should we just
167
00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:56,200
hit the slot machines
while we're here?
168
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,790
No. That's why they do this.
169
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:58,980
No, no, yeah, no,
I get all that,
170
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,300
and I hate
to hold things up, but...
171
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,150
I mean, Santana's in his 70s.
172
00:08:03,380 --> 00:08:05,730
We should probably see him
while we still can.
173
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,050
Eh.
174
00:08:07,140 --> 00:08:09,990
[guitar solo playing]
175
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:11,990
[Peter]
{\i1} I knew one song.{\i0}
176
00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:13,890
[guitar solo ends]
177
00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:15,240
Son of a bitch.
178
00:08:15,330 --> 00:08:17,660
♪ ♪
179
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,240
There we are. Assembly complete.
180
00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:25,340
So, again, this would be
an appropriate time
181
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,740
for you all to please
log out of the app.
182
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,380
-[Band] Ha! I got you now.
-[gasps]
183
00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:33,420
Mr. Band.
How did you find me?
184
00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:36,570
Honestly, I'm on a guided tour
for the movie{\i1} The Hangover,{\i0}
185
00:08:36,670 --> 00:08:37,840
which ends on the roof.
186
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,670
Fun fact, gang--
it was actually Zach's idea
187
00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:43,170
to put the sunglasses
on the baby.
188
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,770
Okay, I see everyone staring
at the Mandalay Bay,
189
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,680
so I'll go ahead and tell you
which window was the shooter's.
190
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:49,770
Well, you're too late.
191
00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:52,090
In a few moments,
all of Las Vegas will be
192
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,520
totally wiped off the map.
193
00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:55,110
[grunting]
194
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,700
You're a madman.
Why are you doing this?
195
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,370
I need to get out of a very
restrictive time-share deal,
196
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,210
and this is literally
the only way out.
197
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,290
♪ ♪
198
00:09:10,790 --> 00:09:12,270
[Peter]
{\i1} There was no time.{\i0}
199
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:15,030
{\i1} So that's when I pulled out{\i0}
{\i1} Kylo Ren's lightsaber{\i0}
200
00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:16,880
{\i1} and knocked Blofella{\i0}
{\i1} off the roof.{\i0}
201
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,210
[screams]
202
00:09:18,230 --> 00:09:19,300
[Quagmire]
{\i1}No, no, no, no. That's cheating.{\i0}
203
00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:20,870
[Joe]
{\i1} Also, you got a lightsaber,{\i0}
204
00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:22,800
{\i1} and you're just gonna{\i0}
{\i1} push a guy?{\i0}
205
00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:23,890
[thud]
206
00:09:24,050 --> 00:09:27,290
Oh, triple-five,
you saved my life.
207
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,430
Make love to me right now.
208
00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:32,570
I'm sorry, Alice, I can't.
I'm gay.
209
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,200
New Bond. Edited for snowflakes.
210
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:42,640
♪ ♪
211
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:45,400
Wow, that was awesome hearing
about your dream job, Peter.
212
00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:48,310
But I was actually lucky enough
to have my dream job.
213
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:49,660
At least until I lost it.
214
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,000
It all started years ago.
215
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:54,580
{\i1} It was the 1980s,{\i0}
{\i1} and I was living alone{\i0}
216
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,510
{\i1} in a studio apartment{\i0}
{\i1} with an askew poster{\i0}
217
00:09:57,660 --> 00:09:59,830
{\i1} because bachelors never hang{\i0}
{\i1} their posters straight.{\i0}
218
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,350
[Peter]
{\i1} Yeah, no offense, Quagmire,{\i0}
219
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,510
{\i1} but I'm gonna listen{\i0}
{\i1} to this story{\i0}
220
00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:04,510
{\i1} the same way I do{\i0}
{\i1} most podcasts--{\i0}
221
00:10:04,610 --> 00:10:06,440
{\i1} at 1.5 speed.{\i0}
222
00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:08,170
[Quagmire, sped up]
{\i1} I'd put on some weight{\i0}
223
00:10:08,180 --> 00:10:09,750
{\i1} from being in an abusive{\i0}
{\i1} relationship with a woman--{\i0}
224
00:10:09,780 --> 00:10:11,430
{\i1} -Mama Celeste.{\i0}
{\i1} -Abbondanza.{\i0}
225
00:10:11,450 --> 00:10:13,360
[Peter]
{\i1} All right, okay.{\i0}
{\i1} Ba-Back to normal speed.{\i0}
226
00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:14,770
{\i1} I-I'm in. I'm hooked.{\i0}
227
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,180
[Quagmire]
{\i1} The other thing about{\i0}
{\i1} living in the '80s is that,{\i0}
228
00:10:18,190 --> 00:10:20,260
wherever you went,
the actual Pointer Sisters
229
00:10:20,290 --> 00:10:22,120
would follow you around,
singing.
230
00:10:22,270 --> 00:10:24,180
[tune of "Jump (for My Love)"]
♪{\i1} Glenn{\i0} ♪
231
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,440
♪{\i1} You know this man{\i0}
{\i1} just mailed a bill{\i0} ♪
232
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,610
♪{\i1} To Sprint{\i0} ♪
233
00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:28,960
♪{\i1} It's for his phone{\i0} ♪
234
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,540
♪{\i1} A landline phone.{\i0} ♪
235
00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:33,290
[Quagmire]
{\i1} I knew I needed{\i0}
{\i1} to get in shape,{\i0}
236
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:35,780
{\i1} but the only forms of exercise{\i0}
{\i1} in the '80s were{\i0}
237
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,450
{\i1}roller-skating on a dance floor{\i0}
238
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:40,380
{\i1}or lugging around your dead boss{\i0}
{\i1} to use his vacation home.{\i0}
239
00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:43,620
{\i1} Back then, there were{\i0}
{\i1} two things I liked:{\i0}
240
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,030
{\i1} gyrating my pelvis{\i0}
241
00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:46,700
{\i1} and putting vowels{\i0}
{\i1} next to each other{\i0}
242
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,200
{\i1} that weren't normally{\i0}
{\i1} next to each other.{\i0}
243
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:49,480
{\i1} I combined those two loves{\i0}
244
00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:51,990
{\i1} to create something called{\i0}
{\i1} "aerobics."{\i0}
245
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:53,210
Welcome aboard.
246
00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:55,160
Here's your
complimentary headband,
247
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:58,140
two wristbands, waistband,
thigh band, another headband.
248
00:10:58,230 --> 00:10:59,800
{\i1} There were a lot of bands.{\i0}
249
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,220
[Peter]
{\i1} Yeah, my finger's hovering{\i0}
{\i1} over that 1.5 button.{\i0}
250
00:11:02,310 --> 00:11:03,570
[Quagmire]
{\i1} Yeah, okay, okay, okay.{\i0}
251
00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:06,070
{\i1} So I started teaching classes{\i0}
{\i1} that same week.{\i0}
252
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:07,990
{\i1}I even created an advanced class{\i0}
253
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,080
{\i1} based on how your body moves{\i0}
{\i1} during sex.{\i0}
254
00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:12,170
{\i1} I called it "Sexercise."{\i0}
255
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,340
♪ ♪
256
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,160
{\i1}And things took off immediately{\i0}
257
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:23,500
{\i1} because I gave 1980s women{\i0}
{\i1} exactly what they wanted:{\i0}
258
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,340
{\i1} long, flat butts.{\i0}
259
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,690
Come on, ladies.
Longer! Flatter!
260
00:11:27,910 --> 00:11:29,740
{\i1} My workout program was a hit,{\i0}
261
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,190
{\i1} and soon I was ready{\i0}
{\i1} to take it national.{\i0}
262
00:11:32,340 --> 00:11:33,770
{\i1} I was lucky enough{\i0}
{\i1} to get the chance to announce{\i0}
263
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,180
{\i1} the filming of my video on{\i0}
The Tonight Show{\i1} with Johnny.{\i0}
264
00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:38,440
[Joe]
{\i1} Wow! You met Johnny Carson?{\i0}
265
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,860
[Quagmire]
{\i1}Actually, that particular night{\i0}
{\i1} there was a guest host,{\i0}
266
00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:43,260
{\i1} John Davidson,{\i0}
{\i1} star of{\i0} That's Incredible!
267
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:45,280
{\i1} So, you know, different Johnny{\i0}
{\i1} but still Johnny.{\i0}
268
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:48,020
[Peter]
{\i1} No one has ever called{\i0}
{\i1} John Davidson "Johnny."{\i0}
269
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,710
[Quagmire]
{\i1} He guest-hosted 87 times.{\i0}
{\i1} That's not nothing.{\i0}
270
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,210
{\i1}Anyway, the night's first guest{\i0}
{\i1} was Jane Fonda,{\i0}
271
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,110
{\i1} who was promoting{\i0} 9 to 5,
272
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,720
{\i1} by far the blousiest movie{\i0}
{\i1} of the 1980s.{\i0}
273
00:11:57,870 --> 00:11:59,650
So, Glenn Quagmire.
274
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:00,610
It says here you created
275
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:03,200
an exercise craze
called "aerobics."
276
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:06,380
-What inspired that?
-Well, John... ny,
277
00:12:06,470 --> 00:12:09,210
one day as I did jumping jacks
alone in my apartment,
278
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:11,790
I thought, "How can I take
the worst parts of this
279
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,140
"and put it in a public setting?
280
00:12:13,290 --> 00:12:16,220
Plus a wall of mirrors
and street-facing windows."
281
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,980
{\i1} The interview seemed{\i0}
{\i1} to go great.{\i0}
282
00:12:18,130 --> 00:12:19,310
{\i1} But the next day,{\i0}
283
00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:22,640
{\i1} I realized how truly ruthless{\i0}
{\i1} Jane Fonda was.{\i0}
284
00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:25,150
♪ ♪
285
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:29,970
Now, Mr. Quagmire, an important
part of releasing a 1980s video
286
00:12:29,990 --> 00:12:33,230
is the incredibly depressing
production logo it opens with.
287
00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,150
I have a few here
to choose from.
288
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,250
First is some vibrating
rainbow text
289
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,590
that never quite comes
into focus.
290
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:41,720
[ominous synth music playing]
291
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,430
Uh-huh, love that.
292
00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:46,920
This one is just a large
bouncing "V"
293
00:12:47,010 --> 00:12:49,100
with an ominous keyboard noise.
294
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,310
[ominous synth music playing]
295
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,270
Also excellent.
296
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,520
Or here's three capital letters
297
00:12:56,670 --> 00:12:59,500
all spelled with one thick,
continuous line
298
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,360
atop a digital horizon.
299
00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:03,540
[ominous synth music playing]
300
00:13:05,690 --> 00:13:07,910
Wow, you can't miss.
Let's go with all three.
301
00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,930
Wait a minute.
What's-what's going on?
302
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,180
Where are my leg warmers?
303
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,960
{\i1} Back then,{\i0}
{\i1} leg warmers were essential{\i0}
304
00:13:14,190 --> 00:13:15,610
{\i1} because that was, by far,{\i0}
305
00:13:15,630 --> 00:13:17,800
{\i1} the coldest decade{\i0}
{\i1} from the knee down.{\i0}
306
00:13:17,950 --> 00:13:19,450
Did someone take my leg warmers?
307
00:13:19,470 --> 00:13:23,350
{\i1} In place of my leg warmers,{\i0}
{\i1} I found only a single note.{\i0}
308
00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:27,140
{\i1} At first, I assumed{\i0}
309
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:29,370
{\i1} Jodie Foster had stolen{\i0}
{\i1} my leg warmers,{\i0}
310
00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:31,470
{\i1} and I was about to go{\i0}
{\i1} take it out on the president.{\i0}
311
00:13:31,630 --> 00:13:34,320
{\i1} But then I realized it could{\i0}
{\i1}only have been one person intent{\i0}
312
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:38,460
{\i1} on sabotaging me-- Jane Fonda.{\i0}
313
00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:40,640
{\i1} I tried my best to soldier on.{\i0}
314
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:41,970
Okay, don't look at my legs.
315
00:13:41,990 --> 00:13:44,570
And one, and two...
My calves are tiny and cold.
316
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:45,980
And three, and four...
317
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,720
{\i1}But I knew, even in the moment,{\i0}
318
00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:49,480
{\i1} it was gonna be a disaster.{\i0}
319
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:51,330
[gasping]
320
00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:01,320
{\i1} I never stood a chance.{\i0}
321
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:03,430
♪ ♪
322
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:07,330
[Jane Fonda]
Hello, Glenn.
323
00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:10,170
Sorry you failed, but...
[chuckles] like they say,
324
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:12,240
all's fair in love and aerobics.
325
00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:14,170
Who? Who says that? Nobody.
326
00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:16,760
God, now I get why everyone's
racist uncle hates you.
327
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,250
Well, it's been nice chatting,
but if you'll excuse me,
328
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,860
I have to go lobby our nation
329
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:24,030
about cleaning up the mess
we made in Vietnam.
330
00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:26,030
-[audio speeds up]
-[Peter]{\i1} Sorry, I went ahead{\i0}
{\i1} and hit the eight-X.{\i0}
331
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:29,350
[Quagmire]
{\i1} No, you-you-you did the,{\i0}
{\i1}you did the right thing, Peter.{\i0}
332
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,660
[ominous synth music playing]
333
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,030
♪ ♪
334
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,200
Well, as far as dream jobs go,
335
00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:49,440
mine's always been to do
what you do, Joe, to be a cop.
336
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,630
But, you know, one day
short of retirement,
337
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:53,800
since y'all got
such a nice benefits package.
338
00:14:53,950 --> 00:14:58,140
Huh. Well, my dream job is to
do pretty much what I do now
339
00:14:58,290 --> 00:15:00,310
but be, like,
a loose cannon type cop
340
00:15:00,460 --> 00:15:02,140
who doesn't care
whether he lives or dies
341
00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:03,900
but can definitely walk.
342
00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:06,200
♪ ♪
343
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,980
[Cleveland]
{\i1} It was my last day on the job,{\i0}
344
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:12,810
{\i1} and I'd just taken{\i0}
{\i1} my last office dump{\i0}
345
00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:14,060
{\i1} when I was called{\i0}
{\i1} into the chief's office.{\i0}
346
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,980
Morning, sir.
You wanted to see me?
347
00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:17,990
That's right.
We've been tracking
348
00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:19,490
a notorious drug cartel
349
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,660
that's been bringing
tons of cocaine into L.A.
350
00:15:21,810 --> 00:15:25,500
Yes, cocaine has been ravaging
the Black community for years.
351
00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:28,150
Yeah, well, some white girl
got a minor nosebleed,
352
00:15:28,170 --> 00:15:30,430
so now I guess it's, like,
a big frickin' deal.
353
00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:32,990
In fact, last night,
there was a huge bust.
354
00:15:33,010 --> 00:15:34,270
Wow, how much was it?
355
00:15:34,420 --> 00:15:36,330
And remember,
we measure cocaine--
356
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:38,840
and nothing else--
in only kilos.
357
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,110
-I don't know, 80 pounds?
-Huh?
358
00:15:41,180 --> 00:15:42,440
Like, 36 kilos.
359
00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:45,450
Oh, my God!
That's too much kilos!
360
00:15:45,590 --> 00:15:47,420
Oh, I'm also assigning you
a new partner.
361
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,610
But don't worry, I know
you're nearing retirement
362
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,170
and want a stable situation,
363
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:54,180
so I'm hooking you up with a guy
named Sergeant Maniac.
364
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,520
How you doing?
I'm a crazy wild card
365
00:15:56,530 --> 00:16:00,030
as indicated by my
only right now timely mullet.
366
00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:03,210
Hmm. You ain't dressed
like a police detective.
367
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:06,040
Well, I know we're gonna be
running around chasing bad guys,
368
00:16:06,130 --> 00:16:08,300
so I wore
the tightest jeans I own.
369
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:10,380
Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
370
00:16:10,530 --> 00:16:12,880
Hey, why don't you come on out
to my beachside trailer
371
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:15,050
to, uh, discuss the case?
372
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,370
Sure. Where is it?
373
00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:18,980
Eh, not in Malibu--
they wouldn't allow it--
374
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,550
but one of those garbage beaches
further north,
375
00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:24,320
way past Moonshadows, which is,
like, the perfect place
376
00:16:24,470 --> 00:16:26,900
to get drunk and tell everybody
who's responsible
377
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:28,730
for all the world's wars.
378
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,490
♪ ♪
379
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,550
[Cleveland]
{\i1} I soon realized my new partner{\i0}
{\i1} had serious issues.{\i0}
380
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,810
{\i1} He didn't care what kind{\i0}
{\i1} of dangerous stuff he did.{\i0}
381
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,570
-[phone rings]
-Hello?
382
00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:43,990
You're calling from
"credit card services"?
383
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,230
Great, I'll tell you
my Social Security number,
384
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,660
and you tell me if it matches
what you have there.
385
00:16:48,730 --> 00:16:50,750
Man is insane.
386
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,900
Okay, and, uh, don't laugh
at my mother's maiden name.
387
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,580
It's kind of a goofy one.
388
00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:59,350
Tinkleman. [laughing] Yeah.
It's like... like pee.
389
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,850
I thought we were gonna
discuss the case.
390
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,860
Right. I'll be ready
in one minute, but first,
391
00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:07,420
I've been asked to make sure
women come see the movie, too.
392
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:10,150
♪ ♪
393
00:17:12,870 --> 00:17:16,780
[Cleveland]
{\i1} So my crazy partner and I{\i0}
{\i1} set out to solve the case{\i0}
394
00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:18,690
{\i1}and began by looking for Leeds,{\i0}
395
00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:21,030
{\i1} which was a somewhat popular{\i0}
{\i1} mattress store,{\i0}
396
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,790
{\i1} where if you said you were{\i0}
{\i1} a potential customer,{\i0}
397
00:17:22,930 --> 00:17:25,690
{\i1} they'd let you take a nap{\i0}
{\i1} in the middle of the day.{\i0}
398
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:26,930
-[snoring]
-Sorry, guys.
399
00:17:27,030 --> 00:17:28,700
My manager says
you have to leave.
400
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,130
Leave? But my partner and I
are trying out this queen bed.
401
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,870
-[giggles]
-What are you giggling at?
402
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,940
We're partners
on the police force.
403
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,200
This guy's wearing jeans
with no underwear.
404
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,720
Yeah, you're cops. Sure.
405
00:17:41,950 --> 00:17:44,880
♪ ♪
406
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:46,720
You guys are no closer
to figuring out
407
00:17:46,730 --> 00:17:49,230
who's responsible for
bringing in all this cocaine.
408
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:50,740
I got a pretty good idea.
409
00:17:50,810 --> 00:17:53,740
Have you checked Temple
Shalom Yisrael in Brentwood?
410
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:57,080
It's also where they control
the weather and the Oscars.
411
00:17:57,230 --> 00:17:59,410
That's it.
You guys are off the case.
412
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,560
♪ ♪
413
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,420
[Cleveland]
{\i1} Since we'd been thrown off{\i0}
{\i1} the case,{\i0}
414
00:18:03,570 --> 00:18:05,900
{\i1} I thought it'd be nice{\i0}
{\i1} to invite my partner over{\i0}
415
00:18:05,990 --> 00:18:08,230
{\i1} -for a home-cooked meal.{\i0}
-Huh.
416
00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:09,900
You don't have a pitcher
of iced tea?
417
00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:11,570
I thought
every Black family dinner
418
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,070
had a pitcher of iced tea.
419
00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:15,250
We do have a picture of Ice-T,
420
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:17,410
right up there on the wall.
421
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,820
[dispatcher]
{\i1}Attention, all units, be advised{\i0}
422
00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:20,670
{\i1} of a possible drug deal{\i0}
{\i1} at the dock.{\i0}
423
00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:22,010
That's not far from here.
424
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,340
No way.
We were taken off that case.
425
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:27,990
Yeah, but we can be there before
even the closest patrol car.
426
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,620
♪ ♪
427
00:18:45,870 --> 00:18:47,960
There, look.
Quick, pull over and let me out.
428
00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:50,360
-What?
-I'm gonna run
the rest of the way.
429
00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:52,610
I assure you the car
will be faster.
430
00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:53,610
See you there.
431
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,710
♪ ♪
432
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,300
[grunts]
433
00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:05,350
[panting, grunting]
434
00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:07,200
Been waiting here
for six minutes.
435
00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:10,800
Okay, okay, okay,
so, six-minute mile.
436
00:19:10,890 --> 00:19:12,480
Not bad for jeans
and no underpants.
437
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:16,030
You got any glovebox Vaseline
in there?
438
00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:21,030
It's the chief. What the hell?
439
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,040
[yells]
440
00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:30,670
The chief has been
the mastermind
441
00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:33,320
of the cocaine cartel all along.
442
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,580
That might explain why
he always calls me at 3:00 a.m.
443
00:19:36,730 --> 00:19:38,580
with screenplay ideas.
444
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,720
[phone ringing]
445
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,750
[grunts] Hello?
446
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,020
[Carter]
{\i1} Okay, hear me out.{\i0}
447
00:19:45,090 --> 00:19:47,170
{\i1} It's{\i0} Die Hard,
{\i1} but in a building.{\i0}
448
00:19:47,190 --> 00:19:49,580
{\i1} Die Hard{\i0} is in a building.
449
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,010
{\i1} Hmm, I don't know.{\i0}
{\i1} Here, listen to me watch it,{\i0}
450
00:19:52,030 --> 00:19:53,270
{\i1} and we'll find out.{\i0}
451
00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:56,610
[20th Century Fox fanfare
playing over phone]
452
00:20:00,870 --> 00:20:03,040
[both grunt]
453
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,860
Give it up.
You guys can't arrest me anyway.
454
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,110
I have diplomatic immunity.
455
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,960
-You do?
-On what basis?
456
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:21,130
Yeah, I'm a citizen
of Margaritaville.
457
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,030
I even have this hat from
a recent vacation to prove it.
458
00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:26,450
[growls] Too bad.
459
00:20:26,540 --> 00:20:30,780
Your diplomatic immunity's
just been revoked.
460
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:32,240
[groans]
461
00:20:34,460 --> 00:20:36,640
The officer's actions,
while illegal,
462
00:20:36,790 --> 00:20:40,230
were justified by a snappy line.
Movie over.
463
00:20:40,470 --> 00:20:43,150
[ominous synth music playing]
464
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,620
[Quagmire]
{\i1} I was also a producer{\i0}
{\i1} on this project.{\i0}
36864
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