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1
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,510
[upbeat pop music playing]
2
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:14,014
[upbeat pop music fades]
3
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,697
[gasps] He's handing out the final rose.
4
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:16,891
Gotta be Cheyenne.
5
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,101
Team J for sure.
6
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,479
What? So the girls who don't win
have to go back to teaching pilates?
7
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:22,772
- Shh!
- [audience laughs]
8
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:23,936
Okay, he's about to choose.
9
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,233
[static hisses]
10
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:26,735
- But! No!
- No!
11
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,295
- I wish I could swear.
- [Cassy sighs]
12
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:29,319
[audience laughs]
13
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,090
- [screen clicks]
- [all scream]
14
00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:32,115
[audience laughs]
15
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,409
[Lola] Okay, guys,
it's just Dad and Terry.
16
00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:36,870
[sighs] The last time they were
in the backyard together,
17
00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,079
they blew up the barbecue.
18
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,123
If they come in here
and say they have huge news,
19
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,207
we're gonna have to move.
20
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,251
- Huge news.
- [audience laughs]
21
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:44,461
Well, we've had a good run.
22
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,564
- Everyone, grab their passports.
- [audience laughs]
23
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,215
My friend came up
with an amazing invention.
24
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,468
Terry, you have le floor.
25
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:52,677
[Terry sighs] Well I,
26
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:53,928
Terrence Malick Jr. III,
27
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,430
have created the world's first
28
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,432
partially functioning gator-cam.
29
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:00,435
It's a state-of-the-art
alligator home defense system,
30
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:03,605
with built in tranq darts,
and gator repellent spray.
31
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:05,148
Now, all we have to do is...
32
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:08,068
sit back and wait for the alligators.
33
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,652
[audience laughs]
34
00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:11,780
[continued laughing]
35
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:13,448
Question in the back.
36
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,241
How do the Gators know to come here?
37
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,553
- [audience laughs]
- Come on, Cassy, they're really smart.
38
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:20,080
[chuckles] There's a reason people say,
"Smart as a gator."
39
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,289
[audience laughs]
40
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,041
[rustling and thudding on screen]
41
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,085
Oh, I told you the tape wouldn't hold!
42
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,961
We'll use a nail gun. I go first.
43
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,214
- We'll pull the trigger together!
- [audience laughs]
44
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,758
So, what are you girls doing today?
45
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,885
Well, I am putting the finishing touches
46
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:36,888
- on my campaign announcement video.
- I thought you're running unopposed.
47
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,391
I am, since Tina got Lyme disease
and has to take seven naps a day.
48
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,915
- [audience laughs]
- But I don't want to run a lazy campaign.
49
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,562
I mean, no offense to Tina.
50
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,397
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckles] JJ?
51
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,399
I have to make copies of a batch of keys.
52
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:49,400
[audience laughs]
53
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,611
I was actually thinking
about getting my nails done.
54
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,854
I haven't been able to find a good place
since I moved.
55
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:55,657
Oh! You should totally go to my place.
56
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:57,408
I'll make us an appointment.
57
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,701
Oh, great! I'm in.
58
00:01:58,785 --> 00:01:59,619
Awesome!
59
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:02,497
Just two cool cats
getting their claws done. [chuckles]
60
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,249
- [audience laughs]
- On second thought...
61
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,875
You know what? [stammers] No, just us.
62
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:10,046
No cool cats. Just, uh, two sassy sisters,
and I can't stop.
63
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,422
[audience laughs]
64
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,424
[Terry on screen] Gator! Gator! Gator!
65
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,268
[Big Show on screen]
It won't stop going off!
66
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,220
- [spray hisses]
- [Big Show screams]
67
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:19,281
- [audience laughs]
- Dad got the spray in the face.
68
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,991
- [Terry] I got you, Show!
- [Big Show yells]
69
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:22,308
[Terry] Ah! I'm hit.
70
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,185
Ah! Terry just got hit by a tranq dart.
71
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,186
- Ouch.
- Yes!
72
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,270
[audience laughs]
73
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,982
[Big Show yells in pain]
74
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,358
[audience laughs]
75
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,545
- [Mandy winces] Ouch.
- [Terry on screen] Gator! Gator!
76
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,237
- So, what else is on?
- [audience laughs]
77
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,240
- [bells ding]
- [upbeat opening credits playing]
78
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,930
- [opening credits fade]
- [Cassy] Okay,
79
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,622
- here we go.
- Ooh! Papa loves some brie.
80
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,791
No, no. This is for JJ's teacher.
81
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,794
She's on her way to our house
to talk about something JJ did.
82
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,878
Oh, it's gotta be bad
if she's coming by the house.
83
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,965
- Mm.
- God, I hope JJ didn't blackmail
84
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:55,048
the PTA again.
85
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,571
- [audience laughs]
- [doorbell rings]
86
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[Cassy exhales] Okay.
87
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,307
[both inhale and exhale deeply]
88
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:03,433
[audience laughs]
89
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,143
[both upbeat] Hi!
90
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,436
Would you like some cheese?
91
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,645
Ah, can't do cheese.
92
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,147
It blows right through me.
93
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,315
[audience laughs]
94
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,025
Uh, so,
95
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,777
what did you have to come
all the way over here to talk about?
96
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,697
Oh, your house is just on the way
to my kickball league.
97
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,199
We're the One Kick Wonders.
98
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,576
We're 0 and 14. Maybe you've heard of us?
99
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:22,659
[audience laughs]
100
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,829
Well, on the topic of JJ,
101
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,290
all the kids were given
their standardized tests...
102
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,227
Oh, God, did she skip the test
because she thinks only God can judge her?
103
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,336
[audience laughs]
104
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,213
No, it's not that.
105
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:36,424
Actually, JJ scored off the charts.
106
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:40,762
Mr. and Mrs. Wight,
your daughter is technically a genius.
107
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,264
- [both laugh hysterically]
- [audience laughs]
108
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[continued laughing]
109
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[laughing intensifies]
110
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,731
- [audience laughs]
- [both exhale from exhaustion]
111
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,067
I had the same reaction.
112
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:58,488
As did the teachers, the administration,
and the janitorial staff.
113
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,448
- [audience laughs]
- But this is real.
114
00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:02,992
[chuckling] But how?
Her grades are not good.
115
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:07,205
You know, we think JJ hasn't been
intellectually challenged enough.
116
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,792
We'd like to move her
into the accelerated program immediately.
117
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,336
Wow, my daughter's going to be
in the smart kids class?
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00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:14,711
Ha!
119
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,631
JJ could be the next Steve Jobs.
120
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:19,008
Or she could go full evil genius.
121
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,762
She has dressed as Gru from Despicable Me
for almost every career day.
122
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:24,097
[audience laughs]
123
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,515
This really could go either way.
124
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,393
Ah. But with JJ,
it could really only go one way...
125
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- [all inhale together] Life of crime.
- [audience laughs]
126
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,939
[formal ceremonial music playing]
127
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:34,941
And as your lower school president,
128
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,776
I can guarantee you one thing,
129
00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,862
every day will be a new "Manday".
130
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:44,492
[Mandy narrating] Not affiliated
with Man Day, Tampa's hottest men's club.
131
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,286
[audience laughs]
132
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,287
Thank you.
133
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,454
It is an honor
134
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:49,998
to be your president.
135
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:52,417
- Thank you.
- [chuckles] Hold on.
136
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,960
We have another candidate.
137
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:54,877
Uh, Mrs. Goodpasture,
138
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,337
I thought I was running unopposed.
139
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,297
I object.
140
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,675
Mandy, calm down. It's not a court of law,
it's barely an election.
141
00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:02,528
- [audience laughs]
- I am excited to announce
142
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,013
that our very own Taylor Swift
143
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,681
- has decided to run.
- [yelling] Yeah!
144
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:07,974
[Taylor] Alright!
145
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:09,392
[Taylor] Yeah!
146
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,352
- [feet shuffling] Aye!
- [audience laughs]
147
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,520
Thanks, Ms. G.
148
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,522
Oh! Dope brooch by the way.
149
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,482
Thank you, Taylor.
150
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,483
[audience laughs]
151
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,776
I want you guys to know
152
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,987
that I'm not just running
on my name alone,
153
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:24,574
but it would be in my wildest dreams
to be your prez.
154
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:25,908
If you want to write my name
155
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,660
in that blank space, cool,
156
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:28,786
but if you vote for Mandy,
157
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,039
- I'll totally shake it off.
- [audience laughs]
158
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,475
- There will be no bad blood between us.
- [audience laughs]
159
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,959
- Thank you.
- [classmates cheering]
160
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:37,545
Okay, guys. Guys.
161
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,089
He's just naming songs.
I can do that, too.
162
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,716
Mustang, Camaro, Corvette.
163
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:42,842
[whispers] Those are cars.
164
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:43,925
I know.
165
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,053
[audience laughs]
166
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,804
[upbeat pop music playing]
167
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:50,308
- [Cassy and Lola giggling]
- [Lola] I know.
168
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,729
Have you been sitting on the couch
all day watching the gator-cam on TV?
169
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:58,066
Yeah, I fluffed the pillows too,
and I'm a little hurt you didn't notice.
170
00:05:58,149 --> 00:05:59,233
[audience laughs]
171
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:00,943
So, how was the nail date?
172
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,905
It was so much fun.
Your wife is kinda awesome.
173
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,698
That's me,
kinda awesome wife. [giggles]
174
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,469
Thanks for taking me, Cass.
I'm gonna go upstairs and do my homework.
175
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:11,213
Okay, don't forget to send me
that viral video of Halle Graham later.
176
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,622
Who's Halle Graham?
177
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,833
She's this amazing singer
who's coming to Tampa for a concert.
178
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,503
And Halle isn't real,
she's a hologram flower
179
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:21,130
who's doing legit great stuff
with neon these days.
180
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,882
- [audience laughs]
- [timidly] What?
181
00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,092
[audience laughs]
182
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:27,428
Hey, maybe I could get us tickets?
Would you want to go with me?
183
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,513
Wait, seriously?
184
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:29,472
- Yeah.
- Yes!
185
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:30,973
I'd love to see Halle live.
186
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,016
Thanks, Cass.
187
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,434
[Cassy chuckles and sighs]
188
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:37,063
You know, I gotta admit,
I love seeing you two spend time together.
189
00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:38,272
[exhales] Me too.
190
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,816
Now that Lola's living with us,
191
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,211
I think it's important
that we have the right relationship.
192
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,278
Like... Like a friend relationship.
193
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,697
The last thing I want to be
is the lame stepmom.
194
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,449
You, lame? Never.
195
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,536
You got that t-shirt with the dog
and the sunglasses that says,
196
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,579
- "This puppy loves to party."
- [audience laughs]
197
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:56,249
That t-shirt used to get me invited
on a lot of boats.
198
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,875
- [audience laughs]
- Sup, fools?
199
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,104
- [continued laughing]
- Heard you wanted to talk to me.
200
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:00,962
I have two minutes.
201
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,171
- [watch beeps]
- Go.
202
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,135
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy and Big Show scoff]
203
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:06,634
So, your mom and I had a meeting
with Miss Regie.
204
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,262
They wanna move you
into the school's accelerated program.
205
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:12,056
Honey, you are gonna be surrounded
by people who will open your mind
206
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,642
to all of the amazing possibilities
in your future.
207
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,227
Hard pass.
208
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,771
- [audience laughs]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. JJ. Come here.
209
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,455
- [Big Show] Come on.
- [audience laughs]
210
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:23,526
Well, just give this a shot.
Take the tour with me tomorrow.
211
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,696
Fine. For you, big man,
I'll give it a ride.
212
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:27,780
[watch beeps, then stops]
213
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:30,867
Your two minutes are up. I'm outtie.
214
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,034
[audience laughs]
215
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:34,661
[door closes]
216
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,289
Hi, sweetie. How was your day?
217
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:37,915
It was a disaster!
218
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:39,250
I'm gonna lose my election...
219
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:40,793
to Taylor Swift.
220
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,753
[excitedly] T Swizzle goes to your school?
221
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,590
- [audience laughs]
- Dad, that Taylor Swift is like 30.
222
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,925
I'm talking about the super popular boy
in my class
223
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,594
who's already doing really well
224
00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:53,055
just because he's using T Swift songs
as his campaign slogans.
225
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,434
Mandy, honey, you are very persuasive.
Kids listen to you.
226
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,395
All you need to do is tell them
why you are the right candidate.
227
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,248
- If you do that...
- [gasps] You're right, Mom.
228
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,608
I'm gonna convince Taylor
to drop out of the race.
229
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:06,319
- What? No, no. That's not what I...
- Thanks, Mom. Great advice.
230
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:07,445
[audience laughs]
231
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,806
You know, I went to high school
with a guy named Don Cheadle.
232
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,953
Nope, his name was Ron Beadle.
233
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,205
[audience laughs]
234
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,123
[upbeat pop music playing]
235
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,793
[upbeat pop music fades]
236
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:24,670
[JJ sniffing]
237
00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:26,964
Yeah, this is not gonna work for me.
238
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:30,176
It smells like lemons in here,
and lemons are for losers.
239
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:32,196
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckles] Okay, JJ, come on.
240
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,846
Let's try to be a little open-minded.
241
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:35,389
I think this will be great for you.
242
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,350
Oh, we find the scent of lemon
243
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:40,019
to foster creativity. [chuckles]
244
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,314
Hello, JJ, my name is Xavier MacDaniel,
245
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:44,774
but the kids call me
246
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,168
- Professor X!
- [audience laughs]
247
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,818
Yeah, I'm never doing that.
248
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,695
- [audience laughs]
- I will, Professor X.
249
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,030
[Big Show chuckles] Ooh!
250
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,157
What is this? Hmm...
251
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,828
Professor X,
is this a map of the human genome?
252
00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,039
Well, actually,
its technical term is...
253
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,374
expandy ball.
254
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:03,209
- [audience laughs]
- [Big Show] Ooh!
255
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,045
- Ooh...
- [continued laughing]
256
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,214
[Big Show laughs maniacally]
257
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,591
He's easy to impress.
258
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,176
What else you got, X-man?
259
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,386
Oh, lots of stuff.
260
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:17,598
We have our own internet,
a robotics salon, a 3-D printer, and...
261
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,476
I think I should let you know
that we let our students
262
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,103
work at their own pace.
263
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,855
So... I could do what I want?
264
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,400
Well, legally, no. But, uh,
265
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,777
Jessica is taking
the Florida State bar exam,
266
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,321
so she can cover you
while you do anything you want.
267
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,322
[audience laughs]
268
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,907
Okay, Professor X,
269
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,243
I'll play your game. Dad,
270
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,078
- I got it from here.
- [audience laughs]
271
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,622
[chuckles] This thing's really stuck
on here.
272
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,826
- [audience laughs]
- Uh... You got a stick of butter?
273
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:46,252
You know what?
I'll just Amazon Prime you a new one.
274
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:47,336
[audience laughs]
275
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,755
[dance pop music playing]
276
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,176
- [dance pop music softens]
- I'm sorry. [giggles]
277
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,262
[giggles] I can't believe we're here.
278
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:57,221
Me neither.
279
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,265
And I got this fun neon streak in my hair
280
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:02,435
that definitely won't wash out in time
for the meeting tomorrow with my boss.
281
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,769
- [giggles]
- Worth it.
282
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:04,687
[audience laughs]
283
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,731
Hey, Lola.
284
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,274
Happy Halle show.
285
00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:09,650
Happy Halle.
286
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:10,818
Uh, Cassy,
287
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,236
this is Becka and Meredith.
288
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,589
- Hi!
- They go to school with me.
289
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,780
This is Cassy, my stepmom.
290
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,326
It is high-key so cool
that you brought Lola to the HG show
291
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:19,529
on a school night. [giggles]
292
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,413
We had to sneak out.
Our moms would never let us do that.
293
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:24,457
[scoffs] Regular moms blow.
294
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,976
- [girls laughing]
- [audience laughs]
295
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,210
[pulsing dance music playing]
296
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:31,839
[robotic female voice]
♪ Wi-Fi For Life-i ♪
297
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:35,009
- [crowd cheering]
- ♪ Wi-Fi For Life-i ♪
298
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:35,968
OMG!
299
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,846
She's opening with "Wi-Fi For Life-i".
This is epic!
300
00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:40,097
[audience laughs]
301
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,516
♪ Wi-Fi For Life-i ♪
302
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,312
♪ I'm on high ♪
303
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,105
- [continued cheering]
- [audience laughs]
304
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,399
♪ Fully charged ♪
305
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,526
♪ Your facial recognition ♪
306
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,570
♪ Unlocks my love ♪
307
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:58,032
♪ Upload your heart to the cloud above ♪
308
00:10:58,115 --> 00:10:59,158
[crowd whooing]
309
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:01,327
♪ Wi-Fi For Life-i ♪
310
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,245
- [song fades]
- [car rumbles past]
311
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,329
[Lola] Thank you.
312
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,040
- That was awesome.
- [giggles]
313
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:07,833
I love that we're spending time together.
314
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,487
I didn't know you were this cool.
315
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,396
- Neither did I. [chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
316
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,089
I can't believe you crowd-surfed.
317
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:14,173
[laughs] know, right?
318
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,759
I was actually just trying
to get to the ladies' room.
319
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,111
- [both laugh]
- [audience laughs]
320
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,845
How sick are these Halle Graham hoodies?
321
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,473
[scoffs] The sickest.
What does the emblem mean?
322
00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:26,560
Positivity, tolerance, gratitude,
mindfulness, and support the troops.
323
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,771
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckles] Wow, Halle really is
324
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,856
the computer-generated voice
of your generation.
325
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,168
- [audience laughs]
- A lot of peeps are getting her emblem
326
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,632
as a tattoo. I've always wanted one.
327
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,445
Oh, seriously? Me too.
328
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,239
My dad would never let me get one.
329
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,116
[groans] Your dad is the worst.
330
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,660
- [audience laughs]
- I mean, love of my life, but the worst.
331
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,995
He says no to everything, but me,
332
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,080
I'm a yas queen.
333
00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,331
[audience laughs]
334
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,834
Wait, are you saying
we should get tattoos together?
335
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,292
I, um...
336
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,045
[clicks tongue] I wasn't.
337
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:55,089
- Oh. Yeah, right.
- [chuckles]
338
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,442
Sorry, for a second,
I forgot I was talking to my stepmom.
339
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,176
- [laughs]
- Forget it.
340
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:02,722
You know, [stammers] I'm barely a stepmom.
341
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,181
I'm really more like a friend,
342
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,268
- and a friend would definitely say yes.
- So, you're saying we can do it?
343
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,769
It really does sound like it!
344
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,938
- I can't believe it!
- I can't believe it either!
345
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:12,565
Thank you! Oh, thank you. Thank you.
346
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,651
- I'm gonna go tell Meredith and Becka.
- Okay, and I'm gonna go tell...
347
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,737
probably a judge
when I get arrested for this.
348
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,363
[audience laughs]
349
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:20,990
[upbeat pop music playing]
350
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,188
Don't say anything about my hair.
351
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,538
All I was gonna say
is it must be getting younger,
352
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,501
'cause instead of going gray,
you're going neon.
353
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,309
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, well you can always
354
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,251
say that about my hair.
355
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:33,334
[audience laughs]
356
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,962
So, what have you and Lola got next?
357
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,338
[sighs] Not sure yet.
358
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,758
Nothing on the books.
Definitely nothing in permanent ink.
359
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,760
Why would anyone put anything
in permanent ink?
360
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,243
- [audience laughs]
- Good question.
361
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,197
- Oddly specific, still good question.
- [laughs]
362
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,639
- [audience laughs]
- Sup, jabronis?
363
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:46,932
It's smart kids' class day,
364
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,143
and you're looking at
the queen of the word nerds.
365
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:51,288
- [audience laughs]
- Did you see what she's wearing?
366
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,605
Steve Jobs wore a turtleneck.
367
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,648
- Our little genius is good.
- [audience laughs]
368
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:56,817
Cassy, thanks again for last night.
369
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,795
- I have a bunch of ideas for when...
- [Cassy] Mm!
370
00:12:58,819 --> 00:12:59,653
Ideas are great
371
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:00,863
to talk about in the car!
372
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:01,946
Let's go, come on.
373
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:03,407
Uh, Cassy?
374
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,034
- Yeah.
- Come here. [chuckles]
375
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,789
[inhales] I may be seven feet tall,
400 pounds,
376
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,290
but I wasn't born yesterday.
377
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,834
Although I was born over several days.
378
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:14,919
[audience laughs]
379
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,127
What's going on?
380
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:17,922
All right, I, uh... [sighs]
381
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:21,842
I might have lightly suggested
that I go with Lola
382
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,804
- to get a [muffled] tattoo. [coughs]
- Your hand's covering your mouth.
383
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,764
- [sneezes]
- Bless you. Once more?
384
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,487
- [muffled] Tattoo.
- Still can't hear it.
385
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,826
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy sighs]
386
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,143
- Tattoo.
- Tattoo.
387
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,287
- Yeah.
- [screams] What? No!
388
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,479
No, I know! I know.
389
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,147
But I was caught up in the moment.
390
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,871
She is finally seeing me as someone cool,
391
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,193
and if I said no to the tattoo,
it would ruin it.
392
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:40,194
I don't care.
393
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,863
She's 15. Lola cannot get a tattoo.
394
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,532
Well, not with that attitude!
395
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,255
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, you know what?
396
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,452
Fine, I will fix it.
We'll get belly button rings.
397
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,537
What is wrong with you?
398
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,705
- [squealing] I don't know!
- [audience laughs]
399
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,290
[upbeat pop music playing]
400
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,376
[students laughing]
401
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,003
Taylor, could I, uh, talk to you...
402
00:13:58,587 --> 00:13:59,587
alone?
403
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:00,797
Sorry.
404
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,635
This election thing is cool.
405
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,679
People keep saying
they're gonna vote for me.
406
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,264
Democracy is so chill.
407
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,617
- [audience laughs]
- It's actually the opposite of chill.
408
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,475
Walk with me.
409
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:12,560
[audience laughs]
410
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:13,686
I'm not sure you know,
411
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:16,605
but being Lower School president,
it's a lot of work.
412
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,774
Really? 'Cause I thought
it was just golfing
413
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,276
with other Lower School presidents.
414
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,402
[sighs] Oh, no.
415
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,404
It's so much more than that.
416
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,074
You have to stay after school
almost every day.
417
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:28,826
But I have lacrosse practice.
418
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:29,743
Not anymore.
419
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,913
Plus, your lunches will all be taken up
meeting with different school groups.
420
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,624
Aw, but that's when I hit the kiln
to relax and throw pottery.
421
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,508
- [audience laughs]
- Did you know my moms own
422
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:38,460
three Color Me Mines?
423
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,304
Yes, I've been
to ten birthday parties there.
424
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:42,337
- It's very well run. Point is,
- [audience laughs]
425
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:45,551
being president is all about
making people happy, all the time.
426
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,887
For example,
I spent three hours making brownies
427
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,514
for the vegan club meeting.
I mean, do you want to do that?
428
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,598
[chuckles] No way.
429
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,809
Man, you know so much
about all this stuff.
430
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,173
You'd make an awesome president.
431
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,355
I think I'm just going
to vote for you. Later.
432
00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,523
[audience laughs]
433
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,860
- Whoo! You go, girl. [taps feet]
- [audience laughs]
434
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:05,821
[dramatically] Mandy!
435
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,114
[audience laughs]
436
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:12,953
[less dramatically] Mandy!
437
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,163
[audience laughs]
438
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,581
[upbeat pop music playing]
439
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,086
[music fades]
440
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,170
[audience laughs]
441
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,381
JJ, what are you doing?
442
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,508
Going still so you don't see me.
443
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,637
- [audience laughs]
- JJ, for the last time, I'm not a T-Rex,
444
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,680
- you cannot Jurassic Park me.
- [audience laughs]
445
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,849
Ugh. How did you know I was home?
446
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,810
Well, [sighs] one,
I saw you on the gator-cam,
447
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,896
- [audience laughs]
- and two, the school called.
448
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,899
Said someone called pretending
to be your dad, said you were home sick.
449
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:44,419
- [whoosh]
- [distorted voice] Hello,
450
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,404
this is JJ's large and tall dad
who smells like cheese.
451
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,322
[audience laughs]
452
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:50,366
JJ will not be in attendance today.
453
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:51,617
She has a headache.
454
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,744
- [audience laughs]
- [JJ's voice] What?
455
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:55,245
She still has to come to school?
456
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,206
[clears throat]
457
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,124
[distorted voice] What about... lice?
458
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,501
[audience laughs]
459
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:02,670
Thank you.
460
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:03,629
[audience laughs]
461
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:06,032
But I thought you were excited
about your smart kids class.
462
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,968
I was excited, but then I got there,
and I don't know...
463
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:12,846
everyone there's so smart,
and I got freaked out.
464
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,307
I'm usually the smartest kid in class.
465
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:16,850
You got scared?
466
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,519
You never get scared.
467
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,354
I know I look tough on the outside,
468
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,940
but inside I'm still an eight-year-old,
469
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:25,859
which reminds me,
I think I swallowed a Lego earlier today.
470
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:26,777
[audience laughs]
471
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,320
[laughs] Not the first time,
472
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,198
- and it won't be the last. But, sweetie,
- [audience laughs]
473
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:34,034
[sighs heavily] you can't hide from stuff
that scares you.
474
00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:37,579
Sometimes you just gotta do stuff
you're afraid of.
475
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,456
That's easy for you to say.
476
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,990
You're not afraid of anything.
477
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:44,294
[takes a deep breath] Okay,
I'm gonna admit something to you.
478
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,588
Uh, ooh... [winces]
479
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,442
It's a lot harder than I thought. Wow.
480
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,467
- [audience laughs]
- [inhales] JJ, [sighs]
481
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:52,678
I'm afraid of mascots.
482
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:54,805
[JJ cackles]
483
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,682
- [audience laughs]
- [laughing] Oh!
484
00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,852
Oh...
485
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,270
[audience laughs]
486
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:03,480
You're serious.
487
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,941
- [sighs]
- For real? Mascots?
488
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,068
They're like the cutest thing ever!
489
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:11,405
No, they are terrifying upright animals
that wear people clothes
490
00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:12,728
and shoot cannons in your face.
491
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:15,200
[awestruck] And no one should be able
to dunk that high.
492
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,201
[audience laughs]
493
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,620
Dad, that's kind of crazy.
494
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:22,207
- [exhales heavily]
- Wait, is that why we've never been
495
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,292
to Disney World?
496
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,919
Yes, that's their kingdom.
497
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,129
[audience laughs]
498
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:31,175
Well... I really wanna go to Disney World,
so let's make a deal.
499
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,635
- [takes a deep breath]
- I'll go back to smart kids class
500
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,387
if you face your fear of mascots.
501
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,471
Okay.
502
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:37,848
Should we pinkie swear on it?
503
00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:40,184
Uh, yeah, if you want it to be legit.
504
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:41,267
[audience laughs]
505
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,686
[upbeat pop music playing]
506
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:45,689
[music fades]
507
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:46,899
[indistinct chatter]
508
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:47,858
Taylor.
509
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:50,527
He is stealing my endorsement.
510
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:51,779
[audience laughs]
511
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,365
Yo, what's up? All these kids are so nice.
512
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,076
Being vegan is pretty sick.
513
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,703
Don't you dare, "Yo, what's up?
These kids are so nice.
514
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,848
- Being vegan is pretty sick," me!
- [audience laughs]
515
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:02,706
Why are you here?
516
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:03,999
Oh! Well, I talked to my moms,
517
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,723
and they convinced me
to stay in the race.
518
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,629
Apparently, it's important to, like,
not give up on stuff.
519
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:09,546
I don't know.
520
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,882
- [audience laughs]
- [sighs] I cannot believe
521
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:14,593
you stole my idea
of making vegan brownies.
522
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:17,930
Those aren't mine.
I made cookies and they aren't even vegan.
523
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,389
They have mad eggs in them.
524
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:20,682
[audience laughs]
525
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:21,766
[sets plate down]
526
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:25,687
You know what, Taylor?
I am glad you decided to stay in the race.
527
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:28,315
- [huffs]
- Really? Because you look angry.
528
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:29,501
- [audience laughs]
- Oh, no.
529
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,528
I'm grateful because Oprah says,
"You have to take your adversity
530
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,780
and use it as fuel
to make your dreams come true."
531
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:38,117
So, thank you for pushing me
to be my best self.
532
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,827
Thank you for forcing me
533
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,870
to rise to the occasion
[louder] and thank you...
534
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,247
for opening my eyes
535
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:44,873
to how the real world works.
536
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:46,166
- Oh.
- [huffing]
537
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,250
[upbeat] You're welcome!
538
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,378
- [audience laughs]
- Don't say you're welcome!
539
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:51,713
[upbeat pop music plays, then fades]
540
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,967
I'm nervous, Dad.
What if they make fun of me?
541
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:56,135
JJ...
542
00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,722
[laughs] if those kids aren't smart enough
to see how amazing you are,
543
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,245
then they don't belong in this class.
544
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,352
All you've got to do
is take the first step.
545
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:09,564
[indistinct chatter]
546
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:12,025
JJ, right? Glad you're back.
547
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,527
Check out this app I made.
548
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,822
Hey, can you build a computer code
549
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,533
that could break
a two-bit encrypted security system?
550
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,243
If you give me a children's Red Bull,
551
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:22,536
I could do it in an hour.
552
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,288
- [audience laughs]
- Sweet.
553
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:25,956
You could be useful.
554
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,541
[audience laughs]
555
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,171
You were right, Dad. Thank you.
556
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:33,755
I'm gonna be okay.
557
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,299
[clicks tongue] I know you are.
558
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:39,093
What's your name again?
559
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,222
- Bjorn.
- Cool, I'm gonna call you Slider.
560
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,390
[audience laughs]
561
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,726
[upbeat pop music playing]
562
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:47,852
[doorbell rings]
563
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:51,689
[music fades]
564
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:53,775
- [grunting]
- [audience laughs]
565
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,570
JJ, they found us. Pack your stuff.
We're going out the back.
566
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:57,696
[audience laughs]
567
00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,406
Why'd you hit me, Show?
568
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,408
How does it know my name?
569
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:04,953
- [audience laughs]
- It's Terry. I asked him to come over.
570
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,372
This is your mascot intervention.
571
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:08,832
Nope, not happening.
572
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:09,958
[audience laughs]
573
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,585
- [Terry groans]
- You pinkie swore.
574
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,379
I faced my fear,
and now it's time to face yours.
575
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:15,672
I hate that a pinkie
576
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,883
- is a legally binding contract.
- [audience laughs]
577
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,093
Terry's gonna sit next to you.
578
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:22,221
- Wait. I am?
- Yes.
579
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,348
- [Terry scoffs]
- [audience laughs]
580
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,016
There's nothing to be afraid of.
581
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,143
It's just your friend, Terry...
582
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:29,895
in a costume.
583
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:31,313
[audience laughs]
584
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,981
- Hey, just Terry.
- [audience laughs]
585
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,067
[inhales and exhales deeply]
586
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,653
Good grief. Doing this for free.
587
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:38,946
[audience laughs]
588
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:40,697
[Terry grunts]
589
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,824
- [Big Show inhales sharply]
- Ah. Still Terry.
590
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,117
[audience laughs]
591
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,245
Kind, gentle, breakable...
592
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,162
[hushed] Terry.
593
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:49,205
[audience laughs]
594
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,252
[enthusiastically] Good job!
595
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,063
- I'm proud of you, buddy. [grunts]
- [grunts]
596
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,505
- [audience laughs]
- [Terry groans]
597
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:57,588
Dad!
598
00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,205
I don't like it when they talk.
599
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,258
[audience laughs]
600
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:05,639
Sweetie, you can't hide
from what scares you.
601
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:08,684
Sometimes we gotta do stuff
we're afraid of.
602
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,019
That is literally what I said to you.
603
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,747
- [audience laughs]
- Even the sweetie part.
604
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:14,611
- [audience laughs]
- Well, it was good advice.
605
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:18,026
Dad, I know you can do this.
I believe in you.
606
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:19,402
Aw...
607
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:20,778
Thanks, baby.
608
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,155
[inhales and exhales deeply]
609
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:23,323
Okay, you know what?
610
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:26,678
We're not gonna leave this house
until I'm over my fear of mascots.
611
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:29,288
Show, I'm here for you, buddy.
612
00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:33,083
But I think you should know,
I do not have great health insurance.
613
00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:34,334
[audience laughs]
614
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,128
[upbeat pop music playing]
615
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:39,798
[music fades]
616
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:41,717
Ah! Looks like it's closed.
617
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:43,927
Chalk another one up to gentrification.
618
00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:45,595
Thanks a lot, Whole Foods.
619
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,115
- [audience laughs]
- Well, let's go.
620
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,224
But we're literally inside,
the lights are on,
621
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,976
- [sighs]
- and the guy's right there.
622
00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:52,728
Hey, I'm Rene.
623
00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:55,355
[sputters] Rene? Oh, no, no, no.
624
00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:57,566
No, we can't get a tattoo
from a dude named Rene.
625
00:21:57,649 --> 00:21:58,525
No offense.
626
00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:00,336
- [audience laughs]
- That's a little hurtful,
627
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,360
but I'll look past it.
628
00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:02,806
What are you guys thinking about?
629
00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:05,615
I got a, uh, special on snakes
630
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:07,075
and the Frasier logo.
631
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,243
[audience laughs]
632
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:11,872
Do you have anything without snakes,
Mr. Rene?
633
00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:13,457
It's kind of what I'm known for.
634
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:14,892
- [audience laughs]
- You know what?
635
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:17,919
Since we don't know what we want,
we'll come back when we do. Or never.
636
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,504
What about the Halle Graham emblem?
637
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,691
With the date we went to the concert
inside the heart?
638
00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,175
[sighs heavily] Shoot,
639
00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:24,593
that's a great idea,
640
00:22:25,093 --> 00:22:26,636
and really meaningful to us.
641
00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:29,514
Yeah, everything's meaningful
till the next morning.
642
00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:32,976
I once tattooed the Taco Bell chihuahua
on a guy's face.
643
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:34,269
[audience laughs]
644
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,355
Okay, who wants the hot seat?
645
00:22:36,438 --> 00:22:38,357
- [audience laughs]
- Uh... I'll start. Um...
646
00:22:38,815 --> 00:22:39,983
Okay, um... [chuckles]
647
00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:42,486
What I want is a...
648
00:22:42,569 --> 00:22:45,572
is a really sharp needle
just stabbed into my skin
649
00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:47,675
- [audience laughs]
- with ink that will last forever
650
00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:49,368
and ever, and ever.
651
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:51,203
- So a tattoo.
- [audience laughs]
652
00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:52,412
Yeah, I can do that.
653
00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:54,414
And here we go.
654
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:55,778
- [Cassy groans]
- [inker buzzes]
655
00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:57,246
[screaming] Ah, Rene, stop!
656
00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:59,836
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, no, we cannot get tattoos today.
657
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:00,920
Oh, I hate to do this,
658
00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:03,423
but I have got to be the mom here
[stammers] and say no.
659
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,134
- Oh, thank God. I don't want one either.
- [Cassy] What?
660
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,053
I only did it
because I thought you wanted to!
661
00:23:08,136 --> 00:23:09,346
You were gonna do that?
662
00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:11,824
Well, yeah, [stammers]
I didn't want to be the lame stepmom,
663
00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:13,975
I wanted to be your cool friend.
664
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:16,353
Thank you, but you know what?
665
00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:19,314
This whole thing made me realize
I don't think I want you as a friend.
666
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,191
[stammering] That's little harsh.
667
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:22,554
- [audience laughs]
- No, no, no.
668
00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:25,821
I just mean,
my mom was really young when she had me,
669
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,739
and we spent so much time together.
670
00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,616
And she was kind of like your friend.
671
00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:30,951
- Yeah.
- [Cassy] Hm.
672
00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:32,494
And I love spending time with you,
673
00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:33,578
but if it's okay,
674
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:35,956
I wouldn't mind
if you were more just like a mom
675
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:37,266
- than a friend.
- [Cassy] Well,
676
00:23:37,290 --> 00:23:38,959
I can do that. Come here.
677
00:23:39,042 --> 00:23:40,042
[Cassy chuckles]
678
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:42,504
[strained] That is so sweet.
679
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:43,422
[audience laughs]
680
00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:46,466
Thank you for your time, Rene,
but we will not be doing tattoos today.
681
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:50,095
I, uh... did put needle to skin,
so you do have a little dot tattoo
682
00:23:50,178 --> 00:23:51,178
on your arm.
683
00:23:53,306 --> 00:23:54,306
I have an idea.
684
00:23:54,641 --> 00:23:55,681
[upbeat pop music playing]
685
00:23:59,187 --> 00:24:00,564
[music fades]
686
00:24:00,647 --> 00:24:01,690
I kind of want to know,
687
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,733
but I definitely know
I don't want to know.
688
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:06,069
Somebody got over his fear
of mascots today.
689
00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:07,404
- [Lola laughs]
- Way to go!
690
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,247
Does that mean
we can go to Disney World now?
691
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,323
Well, baby steps.
692
00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:12,407
Let's start with the guy
in the banana peel costume
693
00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:14,131
hanging out
in front of the T-Mobile store.
694
00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:16,081
- [audience laughs]
- What did you guys do today?
695
00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:17,581
Got tattoos.
696
00:24:17,664 --> 00:24:19,458
- Cassy, I thought we...
- No, no. Relax.
697
00:24:19,541 --> 00:24:22,043
Relax. We just got matching dots
on our arm.
698
00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:23,253
How much you pay?
699
00:24:23,336 --> 00:24:25,481
I'd had done it for free
with a sharpie and a hot nail.
700
00:24:25,505 --> 00:24:27,883
- [audience laughs]
- Not really how tattoos work, Terry.
701
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:30,267
- Tell that to my cousins.
- [audience laughs]
702
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:32,012
We did it as a bonding thing.
703
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:34,723
That we'll never do again
but will last forever.
704
00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:36,516
That's awesome. I love that.
705
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,852
Oh! How was JJ's first day
in smart kids class?
706
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:39,811
Good, great.
707
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,855
She actually invited
some of the kids over to hang
708
00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:42,939
Check it out.
709
00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:45,941
Oh, no.
710
00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:47,349
I'll stay in the kitchen, Show.
711
00:24:47,402 --> 00:24:48,236
I don't like kids.
712
00:24:48,361 --> 00:24:49,905
They get me punched, they get me sick,
713
00:24:49,988 --> 00:24:51,865
they cut the line down at the water slide.
714
00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:53,658
They're gross. Thanks.
715
00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:54,742
[audience laughs]
716
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:57,579
I think the easiest point of entry
into the candy factory
717
00:24:58,371 --> 00:25:00,040
- is the east...
- [papers rustle]
718
00:25:00,123 --> 00:25:01,267
- [audience laughs]
- [JJ] Hey,
719
00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:03,710
could my friends and I get a snack?
720
00:25:04,127 --> 00:25:06,713
Some chips, fruit, grapes,
721
00:25:07,464 --> 00:25:08,464
and bananas?
722
00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:10,675
- [all together] Bananas!
- [audience laughs]
723
00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:13,094
- She's wearing a scarf.
- She's got minions.
724
00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:14,471
And they asked for bananas.
725
00:25:14,554 --> 00:25:16,264
[all together] Bananas!
726
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:17,807
[Big Show and Cassy] She's a Gru!
727
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:19,309
- [audience laughs]
- [door opens]
728
00:25:21,436 --> 00:25:24,064
I am going to destroy Taylor Swift!
729
00:25:24,147 --> 00:25:25,815
[footsteps thudding]
730
00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:29,361
I'm gonna grab a bottle of wine,
and I will see you on Monday.
731
00:25:29,444 --> 00:25:31,029
- [audience laughs]
- Good luck.
732
00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:33,114
[upbeat ending credits playing]
733
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:07,899
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