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1
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:07,275
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
2
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:12,613
Starring andy griffith...
3
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,049
With ronny howard.
4
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:18,086
Also starring don knotts.
5
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,168
Thanks for the lift, barney.
6
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,836
Oh, you're welcome,
Thelma lou.
7
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,671
Let's see if I have
My market list.
8
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:38,672
Oh, yes, here it is.
9
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,841
Okay, I'll see you tonight
About 7:30, okay?
10
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,543
Okay, barney.
11
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,414
Don't do that.
12
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,815
Why? What's wrong?
13
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:48,816
Well...
14
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,551
Folks know about
You and me.
15
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,686
Well, yeah, but you
Just don't come out
16
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,422
And kiss a deputy
On the jaw
17
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:55,656
Right out on the street.
18
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,625
Oh, barney, why not?
19
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,227
Well, because.
20
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,494
I'm sorry.
21
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,695
That's all right.
22
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,731
It's just that in
My position, why --
23
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,868
Excuse me, thelma lou.
24
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,205
I got to take care of a
Little parking violation.
25
00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,473
I'll see you later.
26
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:13,507
Bye.
27
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,710
I'm sorry, miss.
28
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,779
This is a restricted
Parking area.
29
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,648
Oh, I'm sorry...
30
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:21,849
Officer.
31
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:22,850
I'm new in town
32
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,819
And I didn't realize
I was doing anything wrong.
33
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:26,820
Well, uh...
34
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,156
I wanted
Some directions
35
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,691
And I thought
Maybe you'd help... Officer.
36
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:32,393
Certainly, ma'am.
37
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,595
Well, I was just trying
38
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,397
To find my way
To the post office.
39
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,234
Uh, uh, post office?
40
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,402
Uh-huh.
41
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,604
Well, the post office is, uh...
42
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,140
Why don't you
Just get in your car
43
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:49,377
And I'll get in my car,
And then you follow me
44
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,279
And I'll take you there.
45
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,547
Why, thank you.
46
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,483
You just step
Right in here
47
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,585
And I'll open
The door for you.
48
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,487
Get right in
The seat there.
49
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,688
Thank you.
50
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:15,869
[ siren blares ]
51
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:05,619
You should've seen him--
52
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,689
Acting like he was leading
Her down the oregon trail.
53
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,225
Well, I expect
He was just trying to help.
54
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,227
[ door opens ]
55
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,299
Oh, hi, thelma lou.
56
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,567
Hi, chief.
57
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,634
Barn.
58
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,935
Did you get
All your shopping done?
59
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:22,970
Yes. Did you?
60
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:23,971
Huh?
61
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,306
Who's the girl?
62
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,440
What girl?
63
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,443
The one who got the police
Escort to the post office.
64
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:30,478
Oh, her.
65
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,945
Yes, her.
Who is she?
66
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,315
Well, her name's
Melissa stevens.
67
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,517
She just moved here
With her daddy
68
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,886
And they're renting
The old pearson place
69
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,321
Out on post road
70
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,989
Till they find
Where they want to settle.
71
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,524
Her daddy's name's george.
72
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,393
He owned a cotton mill
Down in savannah.
73
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,727
Had some shipping
Interests, too.
74
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,429
Made his bundle.
He's retired now.
75
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:49,630
He's a widower.
76
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,799
His wife died four years ago
Last october
77
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,535
And melissa's been
Taking care of him ever since.
78
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,470
That's why she's
Never married, see.
79
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,838
She's an educated girl, too.
80
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,808
She went to junior college
Down there, two years.
81
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,576
Real nice girl, thelma lou.
82
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,445
You oughta get to know her.
83
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:05,846
You'd like her a lot.
84
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,581
She's a... What's the matter?
85
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,350
You get all
This information
86
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,685
Just showing her the way
To the post office?
87
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,921
Well, no. I didn't
Just show her the way.
88
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,856
Naturally,
I escorted her inside.
89
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,558
Oh, naturally.
90
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,760
Well, my gosh, thelma lou,
What did you expect?
91
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,562
You just
Can't point and run.
92
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,763
She's new here.
93
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,365
Being an officer
94
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,300
It's practically my duty
To show her around.
95
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,535
Right, andy?
96
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:28,769
Oh. Yeah, yeah.
97
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,338
What did you
Have to show her
98
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,739
That she couldn't
Find herself?
99
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,774
Well, lots of things--
100
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:37,378
The stamp machine,
The parcel post window
101
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,580
The outgoing airmail slot.
102
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,515
Yeah. They're hard to find.
103
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:44,017
Well, I mean,
When you're new in town...
104
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,954
Oh, the poor little lost lamb.
105
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,822
Now, wait a minute, thelma lou.
106
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,057
No, you wait a minute.
107
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,993
You oughta know
You made a big fool of yourself.
108
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,663
Why? Because I happen
To be courteous to a stranger
109
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,365
Strictly
In the line of duty?
110
00:04:57,398 --> 00:05:00,401
And it was strictly in
The line of duty, right, andy?
111
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:01,902
I'd rather stay
Out of this.
112
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,672
What if I did offer my hand
To help her out of the car?
113
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,374
And what
If she did hold on to it
114
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,008
All the way
Through the post office?
115
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,644
That's probably just a custom
Where she comes from.
116
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:11,979
Barney,
I'd change the subject.
117
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,547
I know your trouble,
Thelma lou.
118
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,416
You're suffering from
The age-old problem
119
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,684
Of all females.
120
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,653
Jealousy, just plain
Green-eyed jealousy.
121
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,589
Well! Barney fife,
Either you and I
122
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,457
Are going together
Or we are not.
123
00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,058
Barney,
I'd change the subject.
124
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,894
Well, maybe
We're going together
125
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,096
But you don't own me--
Not yet, you don't.
126
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,898
I'm still a free man,
You hear?
127
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,466
Of course, mr. Fife.
128
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,001
You're as free as a bird
129
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,036
And for that matter, so am I.
130
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,440
Now, if you don't mind,
I believe I'll fly away.
131
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,513
[ door slams ]
132
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:56,490
I believe it's now too late
To change the subject.
133
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:07,968
Won't talk to me.
Won't answer the phone.
134
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,671
Won't come to the door
When I call.
135
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,140
So if that's the way she wants
It, it's all right with me.
136
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,543
Thelma lou got a mad
On at you, has she?
137
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,944
Andy, what is it with women?
138
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,579
They got some kind of a rule
139
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,548
They can't be happy unless
They're causing trouble?
140
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,483
Oh, I wouldn't worry
About it, barney.
141
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:23,817
She'll simmer down.
142
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,819
And there'll be all
The fun of making up
143
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,456
And hugging and kissing
And then another falling out
144
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,057
And more hugging
And more kissing.
145
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,692
Look at it like this.
146
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,794
See, you're just practicing
Up for married life.
147
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:36,063
Boy. If this is
Practicing up for marriage,
148
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,131
I'm going to study up
To be a hermit.
149
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,133
I'm through with women, andy.
I've had it.
150
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,735
Far as I'm concerned,
151
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,737
You can take every blame
Female in the whole world
152
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,639
And put them
On a slow boat to china.
153
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,808
Hello. Deputy fife speaking.
154
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,777
Oh, hi, melissa.
155
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,648
Well, shucks, melissa.
156
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:56,049
It was a pleasure.
157
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:59,453
Well, I thought
You might like to come
158
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:02,756
And have supper
With daddy and me tonight.
159
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:03,891
Supper?
160
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,727
Well, I don't know
If I really ought to.
161
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,028
Uh...
162
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,630
Why not?
163
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,532
I'd be delighted.
164
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,066
Yeah.
165
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,435
7:00-ish it is.
166
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,507
That for you, thelma lou.
167
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,241
Well, she's
Just gonna get
168
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,943
That much
Madder at you.
169
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,211
Well, who cares?
170
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,679
I'm a free man.
171
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:28,549
I might as well
Play the field.
172
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:31,485
Tonight melissa,
Tomorrow night juanita.
173
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,120
After that...
174
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,988
Who knows?
175
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,192
[ laughing ]
176
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,664
Here's another
One for you.
177
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,499
What is it
That's yellow
178
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,569
Has four legs, flies,
And weighs a thousand pounds?
179
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,738
I don't know.
Do you, daddy?
180
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,806
I don't know.
What is it?
181
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,509
Two 500-pound canaries.
182
00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,748
Oh, by golly,
I like a good story.
183
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,184
Two 500-pound canaries.
184
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,759
Melissa: mr. Fife,
185
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:15,028
Don't tell me you also
Have a knowledge of music?
186
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,163
Yes, ma'am.
187
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,865
I ain't ashamed to say
188
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,868
That us rugged lawmen
Have our gentler moments.
189
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,170
You know,
It kinda eases the tension
190
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,739
After dealing
With violence all day.
191
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,609
Might we have the pleasure
Of hearing a selection?
192
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,644
Well, shucks, I
Don't see why not.
193
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,647
What numbers do you have in
Your repertoire, mr. Fife?
194
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:35,616
Are you kiddin'?
You just name it.
195
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,818
"Kitten on the keys,"
"Roses of picardy,"
196
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,953
"Funiculi, funicula,"
You just name it.
197
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:43,957
Daddy,
Isn't he a treasure?
198
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,869
Morning, andy.
199
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,271
Hi.
200
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:05,913
Well...
201
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,048
Got in late last night,
Didn't ya?
202
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,349
Yeah.
203
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,686
[ yawns ]
204
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,955
[ chuckling ]
205
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:18,258
Yeah. I guess I didn't
Hit the old sack
206
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,927
Till almost 10:30.
207
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,597
Boy, these late hours
Are gonna kill me dead.
208
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,699
You better stop it, too.
209
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:26,800
Stop what?
210
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,803
You better stop messin' around
Up at that girl's house
211
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:33,140
And you better get over there
And make up with thelma lou.
212
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,142
Well, maybe I ain't
In any rush to.
213
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:37,277
Maybe I kinda like
Playing the field.
214
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,212
You going up there again?
215
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,648
Mm-hmm.
216
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:41,882
Yeah.
217
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,952
Tonight,
As a matter of fact.
218
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,820
All right.
219
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:48,088
Suit yourself
220
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,824
But I think when
You got a steady girl
221
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,726
You ought to
Be true to her.
222
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:53,994
You know, andy
223
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,697
You're kinda cute
In your old-fashioned way
224
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,299
You know that?
225
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,168
No, I don't
Suppose I'll stay
226
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,403
In the sheriffing
Business all my life.
227
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,739
What do you really
Wanna do, barney?
228
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:08,709
Oh, I might go into private
Detective work one day--
229
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,678
You know, open up
My own office.
230
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,146
Well, that'd cost
A few dollars, wouldn't it?
231
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,649
Yeah, but I watch
My money pretty close.
232
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:18,118
I got a pretty good
Nest egg in the bank now.
233
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,420
Well, why don't we go
In the living room
234
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,389
Where we'll be
More comfortable?
235
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,725
Mmm. That's a good idea.
236
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,427
I'll get
Your chair, melissa.
237
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,762
Thank you.
238
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:29,863
Mm-hmm.
239
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,232
Yeah. I suppose
I'll always stay
240
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,434
In some sort
Of lawman's work.
241
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,937
I've even thought
Of the f.B.I.
242
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,205
But, uh...
243
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,441
I thought maybe
I'd drop old j. Edgar a note
244
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,845
One of these days
And sort of feel him out.
245
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,915
Well, I imagine you two
Would like to be alone.
246
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,751
Yeah. I'll just
Read my paper.
247
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:04,732
Boy, he sure is
A nice guy, your daddy.
248
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:10,170
Kind of... Kind of
A young-looking fella.
249
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,072
Barney?
250
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,306
Huh?
251
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,776
You think
I'm nice, too?
252
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:18,078
Well, uh, yeah.
253
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,446
Yeah.
254
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,018
Say...
255
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,419
Listen, I sure hope
256
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:29,122
We didn't drive
Your father out of here.
257
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,323
No.
258
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,292
No, no. We didn't.
259
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,397
The light was
Bothering my eyes.
260
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,933
Yeah. Well, they'll do that.
261
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,269
It also makes
The room warmer.
262
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,772
Yeah. They can do that, too.
263
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:47,941
It's surprising
How much heat can be thrown
264
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:50,477
By a little 60-watt bulb
Like that.
265
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:53,947
Boy, they... They sure can
Heat up the room.
266
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,916
Barney?
267
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,217
Huh?
268
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,219
Isn't this nice...
269
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,788
Yeah.
270
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,489
With the lights out?
271
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:03,957
Yeah. It...
272
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:07,194
It seems to be
A little bit cooler already.
273
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,528
Barney?
274
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,030
Hmm?
275
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,833
Wouldn't you like to stay
Like this forever?
276
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,167
Well...
277
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,836
Well, wouldn't you?
278
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,537
Yeah. I guess.
279
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,007
Barney, do you mean it?
280
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,909
Daddy! Daddy, come quick!
281
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,243
Wait'll you hear!
282
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,145
What? What? Hear what?
283
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,479
What is it? What happened?
284
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,015
Daddy, guess what?
285
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,017
Barney has just
Proposed to me.
286
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,151
He did?
287
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,252
He did.
288
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,320
I did?
289
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,855
Well, congratulations.
290
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,790
Oh, my boy!
291
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,266
Andy...
292
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,567
What is it?
293
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,269
Did you see
This item
294
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,538
In the mayberry
Merry-go-round?
295
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,506
"What local
Deputy and what
296
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,909
"Recently-arrived
Southern belle
297
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,211
"Are passed the
Hand-holding stage
298
00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:00,180
And ready to
Set the date?"
299
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,249
Let me see.
300
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,483
What does that mean, paw?
301
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,584
What does what mean?
302
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,186
"Passed the hand-holding stage
303
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,554
And ready to set the date"?
304
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,857
They're ready to set the date
For the wedding.
305
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,359
But I thought barney
Had a girl-- thelma lou.
306
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,227
He does. This
Is somebody else.
307
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,296
What does he need
Two of them for?
308
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,464
He doesn't.
309
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,399
You'd better get
Going to school.
310
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,034
But if he's got
One girl
311
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,569
Why does he need
Another one?
312
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,104
Andy! Andy!
313
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,505
Did you see this?
314
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,274
Barney, if you
Got one girl
315
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,976
Why do you need
Another one?
316
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,243
Come along, opie.
317
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,245
But if he's
Got one girl...?
318
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,114
What am I going
To do about this?
319
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,582
I knew she
Was sweet on me
320
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,851
But I never dreamed
It'd go this far.
321
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,286
Melissa had that
Put in there.
322
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,954
She claims
I proposed to her.
323
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,189
Did you?
324
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,390
Of course not.
325
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,092
I was just sitting
On the sofa
326
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,360
And all of a sudden she
Turned off the lights
327
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,997
To cool off the room,
And, boom, I'm engaged!
328
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,265
My gosh, andy,
What am I going to do?
329
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,134
What do you
Want to do?
330
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,069
I want to get out of this.
331
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,637
And you got to help me.
332
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,539
You're my friend, my buddy.
333
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,012
After I go in
334
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,114
And talk to thelma lou
For a little bit
335
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,182
You come up and wait
Outside the door
336
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,151
And when I think
The time's right
337
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,453
For you to come in, I'll signal
To you by sneezing twice.
338
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,122
You got that?
339
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,656
Yeah. Sneeze twice.
340
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,325
Stay with me,
Will you?
341
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:19,960
I will.
342
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,304
Why, andy.
343
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,940
Afternoon,
Thelma lou.
344
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,274
May I come in?
345
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:35,508
Sure.
346
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,945
Okay.
347
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:52,025
Just what was it you came
To see me about, andy?
348
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,660
Was it personal
Or business?
349
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,395
Oh, business, business.
350
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,230
Of course, business.
What else?
351
00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:00,700
I just thought maybe you came
To talk about a certain person
352
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,502
I'd rather not discuss.
353
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,437
If that should be the case...
354
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,405
Oh, no. No.
355
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,942
No. I'm here on official
Business, like I said.
356
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:12,712
What I'm actually doing--
I'm making a door-to-door survey
357
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,282
Regarding
Founder's day celebration.
358
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:18,551
See, we want to get
Everybody's thoughts on it.
359
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,087
Yes?
360
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,521
You got any thoughts on it?
361
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,456
It's founder's day.
362
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,959
I suppose
We might as well celebrate it.
363
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:28,061
That's a good thought.
364
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,463
And-and-and about the parade--
365
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:33,700
Now, I think this year
We ought to go all out
366
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:37,470
You know, and have
The drum and fife core and...
367
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,106
Oh, I said "Fife."
368
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,673
That's the very person
369
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,475
You didn't want
To discuss.
370
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,710
You are so right.
371
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,079
But since we opened up
The subject
372
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:48,982
We might as well go ahead
And discuss it, right?
373
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,317
Wrong.
374
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,652
Now, the situation
Between you and barney...
375
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,255
Sheriff, I do not care
To discuss barney fife.
376
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,490
If that was your purpose
In coming over here
377
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,993
You can leave
Right now!
378
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:02,495
Well, speak of the
Devil -- hi, barn?
379
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,497
You didn't
Sneeze twice, andy.
380
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,633
Is the time ripe?
381
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,368
I guess not.
382
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,207
Thelma lou,
All barney wants
383
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:15,675
Is to beg
Your forgiveness.
384
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,244
Ain't that
Right, barn?
385
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,512
I want to beg your
Forgiveness, thelma lou.
386
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,248
The poor fella's
Only crime
387
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,649
Was loving you
Too much.
388
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,351
I love you too much,
Too much.
389
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,419
When his heart become
Filled with bitterness
390
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,720
At the thought
Of losing you
391
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,056
He turned to another.
392
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,124
Turned to another,
Turned right to another.
393
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,692
He was a victim
Of circumstance
394
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,261
Not of his own making
395
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,029
A pawn in the hands
Of a wily woman.
396
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,564
Oh, she was wily,
Thelma lou.
397
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,399
She said the room's
Too warm...
398
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,034
So he's come back to you
399
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,802
A sadder but
Wiser barney fife.
400
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,671
That's me
In a nutshell.
401
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,274
What do you say,
Thelma lou?
402
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,742
Thelma lou?
403
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,811
You really want me
To forgive you?
404
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,646
Oh, I sure do.
405
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,149
You want us to go back
The way we were?
406
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,551
Oh, golly, thelma lou,
More than anything.
407
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,820
Will that be all right
With your fiance?
408
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,422
Uh, h-her?
409
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,790
Now, listen, thelma lou.
410
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,458
Don't you worry
About her.
411
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,127
I'm going right
Over there now
412
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,162
And tell her it's
All off between her and me.
413
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,698
I ain't never going
To see or speak to her again
414
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,300
Or to any woman again.
415
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,567
Barney, I don't care
416
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:16,403
How many women
You see or speak to.
417
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,471
I just don't want you to act
Like a silly schoolboy
418
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,373
Every time a girl
Smiles at you.
419
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,142
All right. Never.
420
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,177
From now on,
Levelheaded barney fife.
421
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,445
That's me.
422
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:28,081
Okay?
423
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,782
Okay.
424
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,321
Well, give him
A little sugar.
425
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,692
Aw, that's nice.
426
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,662
Little sugar on the jaw.
427
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,597
Make up.
428
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:48,168
Don't you have someplace
You want to go?
429
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,137
Oh, um...
430
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,156
I guess it's done, huh?
431
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,390
Yeah.
432
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,825
All over between you
And melissa.
433
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:13,893
Yeah...
434
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,262
[ chuckling ]
435
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,264
How'd you do it?
436
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,232
How?
437
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:22,269
The only way these things
Can be done, andy.
438
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,804
Fast. Clean.
439
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,207
She took it bad,
I guess, huh?
440
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,843
Oh, yeah, she was upset,
All right.
441
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,479
But it's her own fault.
442
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,114
Who told her to fall
In love with me?
443
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,486
Anyway, I had to give it
To her straight.
444
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,920
That was considerate.
445
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,422
Sure was close though.
446
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,723
[ phone ringing ]
447
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,592
It sure was.
448
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,859
Hello?
449
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,895
Sheriff taylor speaking.
450
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,897
Oh, hello, mr. Stevens.
451
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,767
Well, uh, is
There something
452
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,936
I can do for you?
453
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,806
You don't say.
454
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,508
Well, is
That right?
455
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,809
Well... Really?
456
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,477
Well, I can
Understand
457
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,213
Your position,
Mr. Stevens.
458
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,581
What?
What, what, what?
459
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,450
But... But
I don't think
460
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,720
You have to start
A breach of promise suit.
461
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,722
Breach of promise?!
462
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,191
Well, I tell you
What, mr. Stevens--
463
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:20,760
You-you-you and your daughter
Be in my office
464
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,595
First thing
In the morning
465
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,664
And we'll see if
We can't settle this.
466
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:26,366
Right. Right.
467
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,634
Bye.
468
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,269
A breach of promise suit?!
469
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,737
They're suing me?
For what?!
470
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:31,804
Now, barney...
471
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,673
But I didn't
Promise her anything.
472
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:34,807
I was railroaded.
473
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,411
I guess that's the price you pay
For playing the field.
474
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,483
Oh, daddy,
Isn't this awful?
475
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,718
Control yourself.
Oh, there, there.
476
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,254
You see, sheriff?
477
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,289
I mean, I demand
Satisfaction.
478
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,391
Now, I can't blame you,
Mr. Stevens
479
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:55,262
But are you sure you want to go
To all the trouble of a lawsuit?
480
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,963
Well, I...
481
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,832
Imagine we could settle
This thing out of court.
482
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,634
Oh...
483
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:02,802
Easy, honey.
484
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,437
Uh... Well, uh...
485
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,440
How much... How much
Would it take, would you say?
486
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:10,009
Well, she's been hurt
Real bad, sheriff.
487
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:13,380
See, what she really wanted
Was to marry this man.
488
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,315
But I suppose
489
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,617
That a cash settlement
Would help matters along.
490
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:18,818
Oh...
491
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:20,320
Uh-huh.
492
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:21,721
[ door opens ]
493
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,523
Stevens:
There he is!
494
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,725
[ melissa wailing ]
495
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,530
Let's get on
With it, sheriff.
496
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,465
What are you going
To do about this?
497
00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:35,868
We're gonna try to settle this
To everybody's satisfaction
498
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,837
And avoid
A breach of promise suit.
499
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,272
Now, barney
500
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:41,474
You stand, you stand
Right over there.
501
00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:42,742
And, mr. Stevens
502
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,611
Would you mind
Backing up
503
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,546
Just a least
Little step there?
504
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,481
Got to be in
The right position
505
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,483
For a settlement.
506
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:52,485
Now, there we are.
507
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:53,886
"Dearly beloved
508
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,689
"We are gathered together
In the face of this company
509
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:59,592
To join together this man
And woman in matrimony..."
510
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,761
That sounds like
The marriage ceremony.
511
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:03,029
That's right.
512
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:05,565
We'll sign the license
Once we get through.
513
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,300
"Dearly beloved..."
514
00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:09,536
Sheriff, what is this
A joke or something?
515
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:10,970
Well, of course not.
516
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,740
We agreed to try to avoid
A breach of promise suit
517
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,442
And if melissa marries barney
518
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,577
Why, the promise
You claimed he breached
519
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,078
Won't be breached after all.
520
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,547
Ain't that right?
521
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:21,748
"Dearly beloved..."
522
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,316
Just a minute,
Sheriff.
523
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:24,884
Look, are you out
Of your mind?!
524
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,786
Stay out of this.
Stay out of this?
525
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,321
Shut up.
Shut up?
526
00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:29,722
You think I'm gonna
Marry that squirt.
527
00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:30,957
Squirt?!
528
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:32,725
Now, wait just a minute.
529
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:35,862
Now, I don't appreciate
You calling my deputy a squirt.
530
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:38,565
And that's pretty fresh
Talk you're using
531
00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:40,333
To your daddy
There, too.
532
00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:43,570
Or could it be
That he's not your daddy?
533
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:46,339
And could it be
That you can't marry barney
534
00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:49,709
'cause you're already married...
Maybe to one another?
535
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,445
Is that barely
Possible?
536
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,417
Look, sheriff...
537
00:21:57,450 --> 00:21:59,852
Forget it,
Gladys.
538
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:03,490
You know what you all
Tried to do is against the law.
539
00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:05,758
I have a mind to lock you up
540
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:08,995
But since you didn't succeed,
I reckon you can leave.
541
00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:16,636
And I mean mayberry.
542
00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,520
Andy, you just
Saved my life.
543
00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:34,754
Well...
544
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:36,389
But what I can't
Figure is
545
00:22:36,423 --> 00:22:37,890
How'd you know
About them?
546
00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:38,825
I didn't.
547
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:41,160
Well, how could you
Take a chance like that?
548
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,029
How'd you know
She wouldn't marry me?
549
00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:45,632
Well, couple things
Kind of give 'em away.
550
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:46,899
Like what?
551
00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:48,901
One thing: he seemed
Awful anxious
552
00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:50,637
To make
A settlement.
553
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:53,906
And then, too, she didn't
Look too unhappy.
554
00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:56,909
Didn't look like to me
She had cried nary a drop.
555
00:22:56,943 --> 00:22:58,711
Oh.
556
00:22:58,745 --> 00:23:00,813
But that wasn't
Really the thing
557
00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:02,081
That clinched it.
558
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:03,916
No? Well, what did?
559
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,419
Well, I just got
To studying
560
00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:08,655
Why would a girl
That looked as pretty
561
00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:11,824
And flashy, and big-city
As she did--
562
00:23:11,858 --> 00:23:13,793
Why would
A girl like that
563
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:16,062
Want to get involved...
564
00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:17,897
With a squirt?
565
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:19,532
Squirt?!
566
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:21,568
Where do you come off
Calling me a squirt?!
567
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:30,910
Barney?
Thelma lou?
568
00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:33,045
Is anybody here?
569
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:36,516
Oh, come on in, andy.
I'll get you a cup of coffee.
570
00:23:39,552 --> 00:23:41,621
Barney?
571
00:23:41,654 --> 00:23:43,022
Where are you?
572
00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,692
Over here on the sofa.
573
00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:47,527
It's awful dark in here.
574
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,895
Not too bad.
575
00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,063
I'm gonna turn on a light.
576
00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:58,805
Uh...
577
00:23:58,838 --> 00:24:00,740
How's it going, barn?
578
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:03,643
Fine, fine.
579
00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:06,546
Hope you don't mind
Me dropping by.
580
00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:09,549
No, as a matter of fact,
We were just talking about you,
581
00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:11,518
And we were hoping
You'd drop by.
582
00:24:11,551 --> 00:24:14,887
You and thelma lou get
Things patched up, did you?
583
00:24:14,921 --> 00:24:17,490
Mm-hmm.
Yes, we've been talking,
584
00:24:17,524 --> 00:24:20,660
And I think, in time,
Things will work out.
585
00:24:20,693 --> 00:24:22,762
[ chuckling ]
586
00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:24,631
What's so funny?
587
00:24:24,664 --> 00:24:25,998
Didn't you ever see a man
588
00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:28,034
Drinking a cup
Of coffee before.
589
00:24:30,637 --> 00:24:32,505
Smart aleck.
39832
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