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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Okay, Saint Patrick is up.
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Let our annual official
celebration begin.
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All hail everything Irish.
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Grandpa, is it true
that Saint Patrick's Day
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is a legal holiday in
Boston because Irish people
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are all alcoholics and the government
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doesn't want kids
walking home from school
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through rivers of Irish puke?
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100%.
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- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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Listen, Jimmy, you
are an Irish American.
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That means uninformed people
are gonna say untrue things
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about your heritage all your life,
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especially on Saint Patrick's Day.
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They're gonna say
your people are drunks.
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Pug-faced potato eaters.
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Humorless, uptight Catholic girls.
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Leprechauns who hoard
yellow moons, blue diamonds,
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and green clovers.
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Mouth-breathing knuckle draggers
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looking for a fight.
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- Your job...
- Is to punch them in the face.
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No.
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I want you both to always remember
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that you come from a great people.
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And for the record, March
17th, Saint Patrick's Day,
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it marks an event called Evacuation Day.
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Where Bostonians celebrate Saint Patrick
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by evacuating their stomachs?
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No, it's the day that British forces
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retreated from Boston,
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giving George Washington
his first victory
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of the Revolutionary War.
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Why did they retreat?
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Because of all the puke?
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There was no puke.
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The British were beaten.
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Until they puked?
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- Hey, y'all.
- Hey, Trey.
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- Hey, Trey.
- Jimmy Jr. forgot his backpack in the car.
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When he was little, Mom and Dad
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used to leave him in the car.
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Hey, who's the "Lord of the Rings" fan?
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I love me some Gandalf.
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That's who he reminds me of.
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Thank you, Trey, for reducing
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Ireland's beloved Saint
Patrick to a senile warlock.
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Dad loves Saint Patrick's Day.
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I love Saint Patrick's Day too.
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The Celtics have always had
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a Saint Patrick's Day fundraiser,
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and this year, for the first time,
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I get to host it.
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We got A-listers, big-money donors.
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We're blowing it out for the
Higgins Hospital for Children.
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This year, I'm telling you right now,
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the Celtics are gonna
own Saint Patty's Day.
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Saint Patrick's Day.
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That's what I meant.
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You said Patty, P-A-T-T-Y,
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which is a nickname for Patricia.
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However, Paddy, P-A-D-D-Y,
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is a nickname for Pádraig, or Patrick.
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Well, what's the difference?
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What's the difference between
the letter T and the letter D?
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You dell me, Drey Daylor.
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Douché.
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Okay, I stand corrected.
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Saint Paddy's Day.
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But look, we're gonna have top-notch
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Irish-themed
entertainment and catering.
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Is there such a thing as
top-notch Irish catering?
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I've never even come across
mid-notch Irish catering.
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Well, we're gonna have
shamrocks and green balloons
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and gift bags with bottles of Jameson
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and Irish Spring soap.
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We're gonna have family-sized boxes
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of Lucky Charms.
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We're gonna get paddy wagon photo booths
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so everyone can have their own mug shots
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like Irishmen of yore.
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And check this out.
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We hired a local band
who released a track
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that a chatbot wrote
after scouring the internet
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for the answer to the prompt,
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what does it mean to be Irish?
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Take a listen.
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♪ Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey ♪
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♪ Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-lay ♪
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♪ It's how we end the evening ♪
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♪ And how we start the day ♪
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♪ Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey ♪
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♪ Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-li ♪
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♪ We can't live without it ♪
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♪ So we'll drink until we die ♪
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I think I've heard enough.
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But there's eleven more verses.
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♪ Fighting, fighting ♪
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♪ Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-loo ♪
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♪ If you had your Irish up ♪
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♪ You'd be throwing punches too ♪
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♪ Talking, talking, talking ♪
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♪ Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-lee ♪
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♪ We can talk your ear off ♪
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♪ So come have a drink with me ♪
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♪ Drink and fight and talk all night ♪
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♪ And dum-dum, diddle-diddle-dee ♪
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♪ Have another swig
and do an Irish jig ♪
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♪ Get your Irish up like me ♪
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See?
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Perfectly beautiful Irish song.
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I'm gonna get a phone call.
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You're not gonna get a phone call.
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So I imagine you were
surprised to get my call.
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Jim, if this is about
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the "Whiskey, Whiskey, Whiskey" song...
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A song that should be entitled
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"Reductive Stereotype in the Key of C."
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You got Gandalf and
the cereal leprechaun
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and the paddy wagon.
The only thing you left out
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- was "Danny Boy."
- I love "Danny Boy."
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Written by a butter-loving Englishman
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about an Irish father who
will never see his son again,
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probably because of the English.
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Jim, I understand how you feel.
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As an Italian-American, I used
to be proud of Columbus Day.
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Right, but if it is ever
revealed that, like Columbus,
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Saint Patrick went to foreign
lands to terrorize the locals,
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then I will stop honoring him.
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The point, I think, is that there are
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knowledge gaps on all sides.
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Right, But you never hear
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about the Irish understanding gap.
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They're always, you know,
doing shots and hurling insults
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and rolling in clichés.
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Including lots of Irish people.
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I mean, look at this place.
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Okay, my dad may not be as sensitive
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to this issue as I am.
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Green beer coming through.
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Faith and begorrah.
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But because he's Irish, that's okay.
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I mean, if he was
hosting the Celtics gala
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on Saint Patrick's Day,
he could stand up and yell,
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"Welcome, ya Guinness-swilling,
short-tempered
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peat-moss burners,"
and no one would care.
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But he's not hosting. You are.
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I think Jim may be
actually trying to help you.
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No.
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No.
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I mean, you skipped your pickleball game
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to have this conversation.
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- I did.
- Mm-hmm.
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- And I love pickleball.
- You do.
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I mean, you could be competent
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the very first time you play.
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I did skip it to be here.
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Like a friend would.
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Oh, my God.
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I think she's right.
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Mm-mm.
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Is it possible that
we might be becoming...
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friends?
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I mean, it doesn't feel like friendship.
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But it does have the markers of it.
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I mean, here I am, sitting here,
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listening to you for the first time
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like your opinion matters.
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This is a big moment.
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Okay, okay, so I have a new friend,
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but I still got a problem.
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The gala is six days away,
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and I see that it's full of land mines.
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And I might not be the right person
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to know how to defuse them.
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Well, what if we built
on this new friendship
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and Jim brought his wealth
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of cultural and historical knowledge
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to help keep you land mine-free?
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You'd do that, Jim?
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Interesting idea.
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Don't just criticize.
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Pitch in.
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I don't know that I've ever tried that.
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I've never seen you do it.
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Okay, I got to admit
that I was triggered
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by most of your party plans.
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But maybe that's the
problem with this world.
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So you'll help, Jim?
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On one condition.
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I want to be named
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special envoy to the Boston Celtics.
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- Special what?
- Envoy.
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- It's like an ambassador.
- No, I know what it is.
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I just couldn't believe
that you said it.
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I don't want to be just a consultant.
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I mean, the world is
lousy with consultants.
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Grant me that dignity, please?
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Special envoy it is.
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I want in on a business card.
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No one uses business cards anymore.
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So it shouldn't be a problem.
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"Special Envoy Jim
Kearney" on a business card.
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Okay, if his name on a piece
of paper is what gets his help,
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- then deal.
- Cardstock, the good stuff.
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Welcome aboard,
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Special Envoy Jim Kearney, friend.
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Ah.
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Thank you very much, friend Trey.
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Whoa, whoa.
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Oh, my God.
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Did we just come up with
our own special handshake?
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I think we just did, friend.
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This day has taken an unexpected turn.
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It's a simple idea, really,
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and one that every
special envoy holds dear...
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the truth.
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In this case, the unadorned
truth of the Irish experience.
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And what cuts more cleanly to the heart
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and, since this is for
charity, to the pocketbook
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than honesty?
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Nothing, folks. Nothing.
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Well, Mr. Taylor told us to do
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whatever Special Envoy Kearney said.
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Good. And what's the budget?
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$500,000.
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That'll work.
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Ugh, I know.
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That happens to me in elevators too.
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00:08:47,449 --> 00:08:49,367
No, that's not what I mean.
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I just realized I gave Jim Kearney
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$1/2 million to do this thing,
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and I have no idea what he did.
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Decided not to micromanage,
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and that might have
been a macro mistake.
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Oh, my God, honey.
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This place looks amazing.
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00:09:04,869 --> 00:09:06,760
I knew he'd nail it.
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00:09:06,802 --> 00:09:08,178
My friend Jim.
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Oh, dia dhuit, my friends.
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00:09:09,513 --> 00:09:10,972
Dia dhuit, Mr. Kearney.
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- Dia...
- Dhuit.
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It's hello in Irish.
244
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- You know Irish?
- Just dia dhuit.
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Irish, the national language of Ireland
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until England started
killing everyone who spoke it.
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00:09:21,525 --> 00:09:22,943
Jim, you look so great.
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00:09:22,984 --> 00:09:24,004
- Oh.
- Yes.
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00:09:24,015 --> 00:09:25,946
And thank you so much for
helping me out with this, man.
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I needed someone to have
my back, and you had it.
251
00:09:28,506 --> 00:09:29,522
I appreciate you.
252
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Helping you restage this gala
253
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has been a gift for me.
254
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And it has been staggering to discover
255
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not only how many
people want to help share
256
00:09:36,081 --> 00:09:37,416
in the Irish celebration
257
00:09:37,457 --> 00:09:40,919
but also just how much money can buy.
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00:09:40,961 --> 00:09:43,672
I mean, you know, now I know
why you guys are so happy.
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00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:46,216
Whenever a problem comes up,
you just chuck money at it.
260
00:09:46,258 --> 00:09:48,176
Then the problem goes away.
261
00:09:48,218 --> 00:09:49,469
Dude, I know.
262
00:09:50,804 --> 00:09:52,431
Well, listen, I got to set some levels
263
00:09:52,472 --> 00:09:53,640
with the tech director.
264
00:09:53,682 --> 00:09:55,934
Oh, oh, and thank you for the suit.
265
00:09:57,519 --> 00:09:58,645
Apparently I bought him a suit.
266
00:09:58,687 --> 00:10:00,355
And he looks great.
267
00:10:00,397 --> 00:10:02,691
Let's go work the room, shall we?
268
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:04,568
Can you do me a favor and
tell me everybody's name twice,
269
00:10:04,609 --> 00:10:06,069
just in case I don't remember?
270
00:10:06,111 --> 00:10:07,863
Copy that. Ah.
271
00:10:07,904 --> 00:10:09,153
Lana Telsup.
272
00:10:09,164 --> 00:10:10,657
Uh, Telsuit?
273
00:10:10,699 --> 00:10:12,492
Telsup with a P, Harvard professor,
274
00:10:12,534 --> 00:10:14,369
one of the only ones
who still has her job.
275
00:10:14,411 --> 00:10:16,496
Best-selling book, "Women Empowered."
276
00:10:16,538 --> 00:10:18,290
- Tell me that again.
- "Women Empowered."
277
00:10:18,331 --> 00:10:19,458
No, not the book's name, her name.
278
00:10:19,499 --> 00:10:20,834
Lana Telsup.
279
00:10:20,876 --> 00:10:23,086
- One more time.
- Lana... she's too close now.
280
00:10:23,128 --> 00:10:24,546
Lana, Julia Mariano.
281
00:10:24,588 --> 00:10:26,214
And this is Trey Taylor.
282
00:10:26,256 --> 00:10:27,549
Of course. Good evening.
283
00:10:27,591 --> 00:10:29,134
Oh, thank you for your support.
284
00:10:29,176 --> 00:10:31,011
I just loved your
book, "Women Empowered."
285
00:10:31,052 --> 00:10:33,346
As a woman, I felt so
empowered, Lana Telsup.
286
00:10:35,193 --> 00:10:36,255
I felt empowered too.
287
00:10:36,266 --> 00:10:37,645
Even as a man.
288
00:10:37,656 --> 00:10:38,799
It's not for men.
289
00:10:38,810 --> 00:10:40,729
Forget everything you read.
290
00:10:40,771 --> 00:10:43,231
Hmm.
291
00:10:43,461 --> 00:10:44,877
Oh, Lana, dia dhuit.
292
00:10:44,888 --> 00:10:46,640
Loved your book. Felt very empowered.
293
00:10:46,651 --> 00:10:49,029
Not for men.
294
00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:50,989
Danny Walsh is here. Danny Walsh.
295
00:10:51,031 --> 00:10:52,240
Danny Walsh? I know Danny Walsh.
296
00:10:52,282 --> 00:10:54,159
- Trey!
- Danny! Hey!
297
00:10:54,201 --> 00:10:55,952
Hey, love the thatched-roof cottage.
298
00:10:55,994 --> 00:10:57,204
So Irish.
299
00:10:57,245 --> 00:10:59,915
All we need now is some rain, huh?
300
00:10:59,956 --> 00:11:02,209
- You remember Julia.
- Oh, you look fantastic.
301
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:03,460
Oh, hello. Good to see you.
302
00:11:03,502 --> 00:11:04,669
Splendid.
303
00:11:04,711 --> 00:11:06,713
Now, I'm gonna need you bidding big
304
00:11:06,755 --> 00:11:08,048
in that live auction, D-Dub.
305
00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:10,300
All about the kids.
306
00:11:10,342 --> 00:11:11,551
I didn't come here to save money.
307
00:11:14,596 --> 00:11:16,306
I'll see you later. I'll see you later.
308
00:11:16,348 --> 00:11:18,767
Hoo-hoo! Danny Walsh is on the hook.
309
00:11:18,809 --> 00:11:20,894
Mm. Jim, you really
classed this whole place up.
310
00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:22,270
They are gonna give till it hurts.
311
00:11:22,312 --> 00:11:23,438
"For the kids" on three.
312
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,482
One, two, for the kids!
313
00:11:25,664 --> 00:11:27,311
I thought you said on three.
314
00:11:27,322 --> 00:11:28,766
Well, yeah, it's 1,
2, and then you replace
315
00:11:28,777 --> 00:11:30,445
the three with "for the kids."
316
00:11:30,487 --> 00:11:31,939
- Should we try again?
- Yeah.
317
00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:33,228
No.
318
00:11:33,704 --> 00:11:35,356
All right, well, I'll see
you after the presentation.
319
00:11:35,367 --> 00:11:37,452
- Yep. Love you, bud.
- Love you too.
320
00:11:41,987 --> 00:11:43,572
Did Jim and I just say
we loved each other?
321
00:11:43,583 --> 00:11:45,210
Well, you said love
you while walking away,
322
00:11:45,252 --> 00:11:47,003
which is still saying more than see you,
323
00:11:47,045 --> 00:11:48,213
but it's not I love you.
324
00:11:48,255 --> 00:11:50,215
- Huh.
- Watch this.
325
00:11:50,257 --> 00:11:51,883
I love you.
326
00:11:51,925 --> 00:11:55,053
I see the difference.
327
00:11:55,095 --> 00:11:56,721
Thanks for making him special envoy.
328
00:11:56,763 --> 00:11:59,182
I needed him as much as he needed me.
329
00:11:59,224 --> 00:12:01,101
You and me right now, "For
the kids" on two. Ready?
330
00:12:01,172 --> 00:12:02,172
One.
331
00:12:02,183 --> 00:12:03,671
- Two.
- For the kids.
332
00:12:03,728 --> 00:12:05,021
See, it just doesn't make sense.
333
00:12:05,063 --> 00:12:06,398
Yeah.
334
00:12:11,112 --> 00:12:13,448
Can we all make some noise
for our special guest?
335
00:12:13,668 --> 00:12:18,131
Boston Celtics legend
Paul "The Truth" Pierce.
336
00:12:22,373 --> 00:12:25,418
- My man.
- Yeah. Yeah.
337
00:12:28,082 --> 00:12:29,417
And at this point,
I'm gonna introduce you
338
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:32,545
to our master of ceremony
of this evening, Mr. Jim...
339
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,588
Special envoy.
340
00:12:35,631 --> 00:12:36,966
- I'm sorry, what?
- Special envoy.
341
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,051
- Got it.
- Mm.
342
00:12:39,093 --> 00:12:41,429
I'd like to introduce you
to the master of ceremony
343
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:44,223
this evening, my friend
344
00:12:44,265 --> 00:12:47,643
and Special Envoy Jim Kearney.
345
00:12:51,439 --> 00:12:54,066
Thanks, Trey.
346
00:12:54,108 --> 00:12:58,612
I know I speak for the entire
Boston Celtics organization
347
00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:01,240
when I say that there
is no holiday that is
348
00:13:01,282 --> 00:13:04,326
more important to us
than Saint Patrick's Day.
349
00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:05,911
Why?
350
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,581
Because Irish spirit is on our uniform.
351
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:10,541
It runs in our hallways.
352
00:13:10,583 --> 00:13:14,545
It is in the very panels of
the parquet floor at TD Garden.
353
00:13:14,587 --> 00:13:16,630
But a lot of people don the Celtic green
354
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:19,508
without knowing what
it really represents:
355
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:22,136
The spirit of Ireland.
356
00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:30,144
If you'll allow me, I'd
like to show you what I mean.
357
00:13:30,186 --> 00:13:33,064
There are virtual reality
headsets on your tables.
358
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:35,608
If you would please put them on.
359
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,735
Then we'll begin.
360
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:46,035
Behold the rolling green
hills of the Emerald Isle...
361
00:13:46,077 --> 00:13:47,203
Ooh!
362
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:50,956
Beckoning you with lush tranquility.
363
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:54,543
Here is the true spirit of Ireland.
364
00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:56,295
Look at the details.
365
00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,339
It's so lush, so green.
366
00:13:58,381 --> 00:13:59,715
Oh, it's so beautiful.
367
00:13:59,757 --> 00:14:02,468
It's like it's all fairway.
368
00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:04,970
Now see the stunning Cliffs of Moher.
369
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,347
So breathtaking.
370
00:14:06,389 --> 00:14:08,557
Inhale the brisk, misty air.
371
00:14:10,184 --> 00:14:12,770
Walk to the edge and peer over below.
372
00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:15,189
- That's a long way down.
- Oh, whoa!
373
00:14:15,231 --> 00:14:16,941
It's so real. Oh!
374
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:19,151
Now let's walk across the River Liffey
375
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:22,571
and through the famous archway
of Trinity College Dublin.
376
00:14:22,613 --> 00:14:25,908
Hey, Hall-of-Famer Paul
Pierce, better watch your head.
377
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:29,078
I'm tall but not that tall.
378
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,830
Now flip through the Book of Kells.
379
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,665
Marvel in the detail.
380
00:14:32,707 --> 00:14:34,709
And it's only a few steps
over to the lively pubs
381
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:36,711
of Dublin's Temple Bar neighborhood,
382
00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:38,963
bustling with music and cheer.
383
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,173
See Ireland in all its glory,
384
00:14:41,215 --> 00:14:43,843
from the Ring of Kerry
to the Bay of Galway
385
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,345
to Blackrock Castle
outside colorful Cork.
386
00:14:46,387 --> 00:14:48,764
Okay, man, now, that's cool.
387
00:14:50,391 --> 00:14:51,559
We're flying now.
388
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,185
Oh, my God, we're flying.
389
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,527
But wait.
390
00:14:55,613 --> 00:14:57,481
What is that black smoke?
391
00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:59,024
What's going on?
392
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:02,695
It's 1649, and the
marauders have landed.
393
00:15:02,737 --> 00:15:04,155
And they want to kill you
394
00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:05,740
because you answer to the pope.
395
00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:08,909
Look behind you.
396
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,037
It's a family of nine,
very weak and gaunt,
397
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,788
and they're holding something.
398
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:14,498
A blighted potato.
399
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,083
No nutritional value.
400
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,877
It takes more calories to digest it
401
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,545
than it adds to your strength.
402
00:15:19,587 --> 00:15:21,047
Do the arithmetic.
403
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,882
But you can't do the
arithmetic because the English
404
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,759
have burned your school to the ground
405
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,385
and dismembered your teachers,
406
00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:28,554
your friends, your family.
407
00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:30,514
Your entire country is starving.
408
00:15:30,556 --> 00:15:33,142
It's 1847, and the famine is here.
409
00:15:33,184 --> 00:15:34,769
Oh-ho, this is intense.
410
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:37,938
Let's go back to Temple
Bar and tie one on.
411
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,857
Now you're in the brig "Saint John,"
412
00:15:39,899 --> 00:15:41,484
an overcrowded immigrant ship
413
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,360
teeming with cholera and death.
414
00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:46,781
Fleeing the famine, the brig
will crash upon the rocks
415
00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:48,074
just off the shore of Massachusetts
416
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:51,744
before it arrives,
killing 145 souls on board.
417
00:15:51,786 --> 00:15:53,871
But here you are, swimming
in the frigid water
418
00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:55,081
among the corpses.
419
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,916
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
420
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,709
Oh, my God, I need a Xanax.
421
00:15:58,751 --> 00:16:00,002
Sharks!
422
00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:01,962
Swim!
423
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,548
Then climbing ashore,
surviving the wreck.
424
00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:06,092
But your life in America will not be
425
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,677
the paradise you'd hoped, because...
426
00:16:08,944 --> 00:16:10,194
what's that smell?
427
00:16:10,205 --> 00:16:12,094
That's smoke. More flames.
428
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,808
You're an Irish immigrant in America,
429
00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:16,936
and your textile mill is on fire.
430
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,688
You run for the windows
to try to find escape,
431
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:21,690
but they're nailed shut.
432
00:16:21,732 --> 00:16:23,192
You try to find something to break it,
433
00:16:23,234 --> 00:16:24,276
but there's nothing.
434
00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:25,945
Use your fists. Use your fists.
435
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:28,114
Use your head. Use your friend's head.
436
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,824
Break it. Break it. Break it.
437
00:16:29,865 --> 00:16:31,784
Get us out of here!
438
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:33,411
I want to live!
439
00:16:33,452 --> 00:16:36,330
You try to climb through
the shards of glass,
440
00:16:36,372 --> 00:16:37,498
and people push you.
441
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:39,083
Get off of me!
442
00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:41,794
You can feel your
skin being sliced apart
443
00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:43,546
while people are bleeding on you.
444
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:45,965
- Oh, it's so real.
- It's terrible.
445
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,426
This is the worst
gala I've ever been to.
446
00:16:49,677 --> 00:16:50,761
Feel that?
447
00:16:50,803 --> 00:16:52,388
It's no longer the mist.
448
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:54,306
It's tears.
449
00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:55,766
Irish tears.
450
00:16:57,643 --> 00:16:58,769
Oh!
451
00:16:58,811 --> 00:17:00,730
I don't want to be Irish anymore.
452
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:01,897
Me neither.
453
00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:03,399
Man, I'm out of here.
454
00:17:03,441 --> 00:17:04,984
Wait, what?
455
00:17:05,252 --> 00:17:08,422
The Red Sox would never
do something like this.
456
00:17:12,749 --> 00:17:14,285
Don't beat yourself up, son.
457
00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:15,661
You did your best.
458
00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:18,330
It's not your fault your
best wasn't good enough.
459
00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:20,666
It's absolutely my fault.
How is this not my fault?
460
00:17:20,963 --> 00:17:22,274
I'm trying to cheer you up.
461
00:17:22,285 --> 00:17:23,870
It's not my fault I failed.
462
00:17:26,609 --> 00:17:28,163
I failed the Celtics, the charity,
463
00:17:28,174 --> 00:17:31,427
the kids, Paul Pierce, Julia,
464
00:17:31,469 --> 00:17:32,845
and Irish people everywhere.
465
00:17:32,887 --> 00:17:35,139
Oh, and I failed my new friend Trey.
466
00:17:35,181 --> 00:17:36,386
Trey?
467
00:17:36,397 --> 00:17:39,024
You met a new guy named Trey
and you made friends with him?
468
00:17:39,393 --> 00:17:40,895
No, no, our Trey.
469
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,730
Our relationship had
kind of turned a corner.
470
00:17:42,772 --> 00:17:44,190
We even had our own handshake.
471
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,692
But now we'll be back to
a perfunctory chin nod.
472
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,277
Well, let me get you a beer.
473
00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:51,030
In the tradition of our people,
you can drown your sorrows.
474
00:17:51,072 --> 00:17:52,948
- Not helping.
- Not hurting.
475
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:55,076
- Hey, Jim, Jim.
- Mm.
476
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:56,452
Trey, Trey, before you say anything...
477
00:17:56,494 --> 00:17:57,870
No, I need to say...
I need to say something.
478
00:17:57,912 --> 00:17:59,372
- No, I need to go first.
- No, let me go first.
479
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:00,706
No, I'm so sorry about tonight.
480
00:18:00,748 --> 00:18:02,041
I thought I was doing a good job.
481
00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:03,709
I thought I was being
thorough and trenchant,
482
00:18:03,751 --> 00:18:05,336
but I totally went overboard
483
00:18:05,378 --> 00:18:07,276
and slaughtered the golden geese.
484
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,048
- Can I talk now?
- Please do. I'm out of words.
485
00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:10,800
Okay, all week long, you pounded me
486
00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:12,301
about what the Irish have been through.
487
00:18:12,343 --> 00:18:14,136
I know, and I'm so sorry.
And just let me say that I...
488
00:18:14,178 --> 00:18:15,971
You said you were out of words.
489
00:18:17,927 --> 00:18:19,345
It was a temporary condition.
490
00:18:21,232 --> 00:18:22,686
I thought I understood.
491
00:18:22,697 --> 00:18:25,450
I didn't, until I saw your VR thing.
492
00:18:25,523 --> 00:18:27,024
And it moved me.
493
00:18:27,066 --> 00:18:28,651
It also moved Danny Walsh.
494
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:29,777
Danny Walsh was last seen
495
00:18:29,819 --> 00:18:32,571
dry-heaving at the valet stand.
496
00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:33,864
Danny Walsh recovered.
497
00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:37,660
Special Envoy Kearney.
498
00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:38,994
Yes?
499
00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:40,663
I wanted to come by myself to tell you
500
00:18:40,705 --> 00:18:42,039
how the rest of my night went.
501
00:18:43,082 --> 00:18:45,209
Well, first I puked my guts out.
502
00:18:45,251 --> 00:18:46,919
But any Irishman will tell you,
503
00:18:46,961 --> 00:18:48,379
that's a good way to clear your mind.
504
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:53,926
Then I had my driver drive
me to Mount Auburn Cemetery,
505
00:18:53,968 --> 00:18:56,178
where my Nana Méabh is buried.
506
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,763
She and my grandfather emigrated
507
00:18:57,805 --> 00:19:00,933
from Dublin in August 1922.
508
00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:02,435
I went to her grave, and I...
509
00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:04,979
I poured a fifth of Jameson over it.
510
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,189
I keep a couple bottles in the trunk.
511
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:10,943
I said, Nana, please forgive me.
512
00:19:10,985 --> 00:19:12,778
I've taken you for granted.
513
00:19:12,820 --> 00:19:14,321
I mean, your heroic struggles.
514
00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:17,950
And I now understand that if
it wasn't for you and Grandpa,
515
00:19:17,992 --> 00:19:19,493
I wouldn't be here, you know,
516
00:19:19,535 --> 00:19:22,371
raiding companies and
laying off thousands,
517
00:19:22,413 --> 00:19:23,570
crushing their families.
518
00:19:23,581 --> 00:19:25,082
But that's not important right now.
519
00:19:25,093 --> 00:19:26,959
Mm.
520
00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:29,045
And then I realized,
maybe there's some kids
521
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:31,964
in Higgins Hospital
that should get a chance
522
00:19:32,006 --> 00:19:34,550
to be a hedge fund
monster themselves, right?
523
00:19:36,719 --> 00:19:38,387
So you know what this is?
524
00:19:38,429 --> 00:19:40,389
A restraining order from Paul Pierce?
525
00:19:40,431 --> 00:19:43,100
No, it's a check for $4 million.
526
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:46,937
4 mi... did you say mi...
527
00:19:46,979 --> 00:19:49,356
Yeah, he said mi.
528
00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:51,817
It's the most money
the gala's ever raised.
529
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:53,986
So the presentation worked?
530
00:19:54,028 --> 00:19:55,988
It worked, Special Envoy Jim.
531
00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:57,531
I don't know what to say.
532
00:19:57,573 --> 00:20:00,117
Say it's the luck of the Irish.
533
00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:05,790
Pretty sure you shouldn't say that.
534
00:20:05,831 --> 00:20:07,955
And you really were a special envoy.
535
00:20:07,966 --> 00:20:10,093
Well, thank you.
536
00:20:10,492 --> 00:20:11,618
- Trey?
- Hmm?
537
00:20:11,629 --> 00:20:13,000
You take this. You're used to it.
538
00:20:13,076 --> 00:20:15,674
I can feel my fingers melting.
539
00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:16,842
Jim, you got a business card?
540
00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:19,053
As a matter of fact...
541
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:21,850
Nice cardstock.
542
00:20:21,861 --> 00:20:22,932
Mm.
543
00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:24,850
Let's get this place hammered.
544
00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:26,227
Hey, barkeep!
545
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,145
Rest of the night, the drinks are on me.
546
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:33,025
Wow.
547
00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:35,319
I mean, that was a win,
a win-win, a win-win-win.
548
00:20:35,361 --> 00:20:37,029
Hey, "Win-win-win" on three?
549
00:20:37,071 --> 00:20:39,532
- Oh, yeah!
- Nope, never again.
550
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:42,785
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Shot Glass Sullivans.
551
00:20:43,313 --> 00:20:45,204
♪ Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey ♪
552
00:20:45,246 --> 00:20:47,540
No, I had nothing to do with this.
553
00:20:47,581 --> 00:20:50,209
I tracked the band
down. I love these guys.
554
00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:52,837
They may not look Irish, but they are.
555
00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:54,380
♪ Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey ♪
556
00:20:54,422 --> 00:20:56,747
- ♪ Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-li ♪
- Come on, sing along.
557
00:20:56,758 --> 00:20:58,175
You know you want to.
558
00:20:58,217 --> 00:21:02,221
♪ Without it, so we'll
drink until we die ♪
559
00:21:02,263 --> 00:21:04,765
♪ Paddy, Paddy, Paddy ♪
560
00:21:04,807 --> 00:21:07,226
♪ Did someone call my name ♪
561
00:21:07,268 --> 00:21:09,061
♪ Get on the paddy wagon ♪
562
00:21:09,103 --> 00:21:11,939
♪ It's our only claim to fame ♪
563
00:21:11,981 --> 00:21:14,024
♪ Fighting, fighting, fighting ♪
564
00:21:14,066 --> 00:21:16,527
♪ Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-loo ♪
565
00:21:17,705 --> 00:21:22,705
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
40405
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