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1
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:16,200
*
2
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,500
You lost your virginity
in your parents' basement
3
00:00:18,533 --> 00:00:19,700
while watching
The Notebook?
4
00:00:19,733 --> 00:00:21,000
At least it's romantic.
5
00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:22,500
Chick flick.
6
00:00:22,533 --> 00:00:23,667
And what's the connection
7
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,467
between 9/11
and first hand job?
8
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,367
Both happened while I was
on the bus to middle school.
9
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:28,867
That was a busy bus.
10
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:30,700
And while you were giving
birth to Caitlin?
11
00:00:30,733 --> 00:00:32,800
Younger Liza was going
to her first concert--
12
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,167
Spice Girls,
Asbury Park.
13
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,200
I dressed as Sporty,
14
00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:36,533
though right now
I feel scary.
15
00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:37,533
Do not let fear get in.
16
00:00:37,567 --> 00:00:38,633
You're doing this.
17
00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:39,667
And you're staying with me,
18
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:40,867
so I can live vicariously.
19
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:42,233
I'm nothing but
a lab rat to you.
20
00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,533
A hot lab rat with
a fancy new job.
21
00:00:44,567 --> 00:00:45,867
Hey!
22
00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:47,200
Who's ready to go
off the grid?
23
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,133
Oh, look how cute
Caitlin was then.
24
00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:55,200
Look at you and David.
You actually look happy there.
25
00:00:55,233 --> 00:00:56,967
We were on vacation
together in the Bahamas,
26
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,567
where I later discovered
he gambled away
27
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,633
Caitlin's college fund.
28
00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:00,700
- Memories.
- Mmm.
29
00:01:00,733 --> 00:01:02,100
Are you sure about this?
30
00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:03,367
Because when I erase
your internet presence,
31
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,367
you're gone forever.
32
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,567
I have to do it.
33
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:06,567
I can't have the
people I work with
34
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,600
finding my life online.
35
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:08,800
I don't need the details.
36
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,533
Wait, wait.
I'm getting a message.
37
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:11,933
Don't worry.
38
00:01:11,967 --> 00:01:13,800
That bitch will
never find you again.
39
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,133
That bitch
was my daughter.
40
00:01:18,833 --> 00:01:20,067
Honey, hey,
I got your message.
41
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,533
Is everything okay?
42
00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:23,067
Mom, I don't want to come home.
43
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:24,567
I want to finish out
the school year in India.
44
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,133
Are you sure?
45
00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:27,600
I don't want you to stay
if you're unhappy.
46
00:01:27,633 --> 00:01:28,867
No, I'm not unhappy.
47
00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:31,267
In fact, I'm very happy.
48
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,733
I met someone.
49
00:01:32,767 --> 00:01:35,233
His name is Arjun,
and he's beautiful.
50
00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:37,567
His lips are like pillows.
51
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:38,800
That's great, honey,
52
00:01:38,833 --> 00:01:39,800
and very descriptive.
53
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,300
Is he in class with you?
54
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:42,467
Of course he's in class with me.
55
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:43,900
He's this premed genius,
56
00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:46,567
and he wants to take me
to Goa this weekend.
57
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,533
Honey, I'm glad you're staying,
58
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:50,967
but I don't want you going to
Goa with a pillow-lipped genius.
59
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,533
Mom, how can you
make decisions for me
60
00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:55,200
from the suburbs of New Jersey?
61
00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:56,633
Caitlin, I love you,
62
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,900
and I am very glad you
met a boy that you like,
63
00:01:58,933 --> 00:02:00,367
but listen to me carefully:
64
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,200
do not go to Goa.
65
00:02:03,233 --> 00:02:04,867
I'll go to Goa.
66
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,433
In fact, I would love
to go-a to Goa with you.
67
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:08,833
Uh, honey,
you're breaking up.
68
00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,833
We will talk about
this later, okay?
69
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,333
Excuse me, sir,
are you stalking me?
70
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,000
Actually, I thought
you were stalking me.
71
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,633
I mean, this is my studio
72
00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:20,600
that you just happened to
be loitering in front of, so...
73
00:02:20,633 --> 00:02:22,000
We're neighbors.
74
00:02:22,033 --> 00:02:23,800
I bet that's probably
why we met at the bar
75
00:02:23,833 --> 00:02:25,800
around the corner.
76
00:02:25,833 --> 00:02:28,533
So, neighbor,
what's going on?
77
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:29,667
You got any plans tonight?
78
00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:30,967
You want to take a stroll?
79
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,033
A stroll?
80
00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,333
Yeah, through the burgh.
81
00:02:33,367 --> 00:02:34,800
I'll show you all the sights.
82
00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:36,700
I would so love to
take a stroll with you,
83
00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:39,267
but right now I am
very late for this job
84
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,767
that I can't be late for.
85
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,867
Yeah.
86
00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:44,100
How's 8:00?
87
00:02:44,133 --> 00:02:45,467
That's perfect.
88
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,733
Good day, sir.
89
00:02:50,167 --> 00:02:52,267
Oh, my God.
What am I doing?
90
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:59,667
*
91
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:05,400
And you're telling
me this now,
92
00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:07,167
one week before
the book comes out?
93
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,567
No, no, no.
We'll deal with it.
94
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,067
What choice do we have?
95
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,900
That is just effin' perfect.
96
00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:15,067
Joyce Carol Oates writes
the best book of her career
97
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:18,233
and Sue Grafton moves the
release of her new mystery
98
00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:19,700
to the same date.
99
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,533
She can't hold a candle
to Joyce Carol Oates.
100
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,533
I actually wrote a paper
about her in college.
101
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:26,433
Joyce Carol Oates
and the Riddling Nature
of Female Desire.
102
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:29,000
Well that sounds like a
riveting marketing plan to me.
103
00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:30,000
Well, how are the reviews?
104
00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:31,333
I bet they're amazing.
105
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:33,433
Oh, and do you think
reviews sell books?
106
00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:35,500
No, your generation has
absolutely destroyed
107
00:03:35,533 --> 00:03:37,100
all pretense of
critical relevance.
108
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,267
What about Michiko Kakutani
from The New York Times?
109
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,700
The only way a good review
110
00:03:40,733 --> 00:03:42,267
by Michiko Kakutani
could sell books
111
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,733
is if her twerking
ass caught fire.
112
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,433
JCO deserves
a number-one debut.
113
00:03:46,467 --> 00:03:48,533
We need to sell her
to a younger audience,
114
00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:51,600
to your fetus peers.
115
00:03:51,633 --> 00:03:53,067
- Got it.
- Figure this out.
116
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,167
That's why you're here.
117
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,933
Uh, yes,
of course.
118
00:04:06,867 --> 00:04:07,833
What's that?
119
00:04:07,867 --> 00:04:09,067
Anton Bjornberg,
120
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,833
the hottest writer
to hit Sweden
121
00:04:10,867 --> 00:04:12,100
since Stieg Larsson.
122
00:04:12,133 --> 00:04:14,067
And better yet,
he's alive.
123
00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:15,333
I never heard of him.
124
00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:16,333
Nobody has.
125
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,833
The book just got translated,
126
00:04:17,867 --> 00:04:19,300
and he's in town
meeting every editor
127
00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:21,333
at every publishing
house this week.
128
00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:23,167
I've got finish reading
this thing by tonight.
129
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,300
Wow.
Can I take a look?
130
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:25,767
Oh, you can keep this copy.
131
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,933
I've got a PDF on both
my iPads and my Kindle.
132
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,100
Do you want one for yours?
133
00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:30,333
No, this works.
134
00:04:30,367 --> 00:04:32,000
Hey, what are you
doing for lunch?
135
00:04:32,033 --> 00:04:33,800
Possibly being eaten
by Diana. Why?
136
00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:35,400
I'm supposed to meet Lauren,
137
00:04:35,433 --> 00:04:37,267
and I could really use your
help keeping her entertained
138
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:38,267
while I read this thing.
139
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:39,600
Sure.
140
00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:41,200
Yes.
You're the best.
141
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,300
Back in an hour.
142
00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:46,467
And think about Oates!
143
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:51,667
Okay.
144
00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,400
Hector and Dorf
made the most insane video
145
00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:55,233
for their new underwear line.
146
00:04:55,267 --> 00:04:57,333
First you think you're looking
at a giant furry penis,
147
00:04:57,367 --> 00:04:59,100
and then it suddenly stands up
148
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:02,967
and you realize it is actually
a golden retriever puppy.
149
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,567
So many of your
stories involve penises.
150
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,300
It's totally gone viral.
151
00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,667
Oh, cool.
Is there, like, an app for that?
152
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:10,167
So, like, no.
153
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,900
Hector and Dorf are
avant-garde fashion visionaries,
154
00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:15,467
and we planned it that way.
155
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:16,800
Are you really just
gonna sit here
156
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,233
and read your Swedish book?
157
00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:19,333
Yeah.
158
00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:20,800
I would love to see that video.
159
00:05:20,833 --> 00:05:22,200
Yeah, no, no, no,
I'll send it to you with a--
160
00:05:22,233 --> 00:05:23,667
oh, with some of
our new moisturizer.
161
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,000
You're developing
crow's-feet.
162
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,067
That is very unusual
for women our age.
163
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,500
Yeah, I know, I know.
164
00:05:28,533 --> 00:05:31,000
We have this premature
eye wrinkle thing
165
00:05:31,033 --> 00:05:32,200
on my mother's side
166
00:05:32,233 --> 00:05:33,567
and I spent way too much time
167
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,900
on the beaches in Goa.
168
00:05:37,433 --> 00:05:39,000
The
169
00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:40,133
Cover yourself, woman!
170
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,967
We are not at Burning Man.
171
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,067
What? It's perfectly legal
to be topless in New York.
172
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:45,667
Plus it's Topless Tuesday
on Twitter, okay?
173
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:46,833
I need to tweet.
174
00:05:46,867 --> 00:05:48,033
Wait, you're
putting that online?
175
00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:49,333
Hell, yeah.
#ToplessTuesday,
176
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:50,500
#Lunchwiththegirls.
177
00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:52,200
I don't think she means us.
178
00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:54,067
Listen, okay,
I am empowering women.
179
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,300
Breasts aren't shameful.
180
00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:56,800
Hey, ask Rihanna.
181
00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,000
Lauren, you are doing this
for the attention.
182
00:05:59,033 --> 00:06:00,533
No, no, no.
I need to feed the beast.
183
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,733
I've got over
35,000 followers.
184
00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:03,967
- And climbing.
- Hi, hey.
185
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,300
Like me on Instagram
and Twitter.
186
00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,067
I'm LaurenHectorDorf.
187
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,300
Remind me never to have lunch
with you on Tuesday again.
188
00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:14,633
I do not believe this.
189
00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,633
Lauren's boobs are
trending on Twitter.
190
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:17,933
No way.
Trending?
191
00:06:17,967 --> 00:06:19,433
That's good, right?
192
00:06:19,467 --> 00:06:22,700
She is like the Kim Kardashian
of fashion publicists.
193
00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:24,433
"Lunchwiththegirls"
is trending too.
194
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,300
Just since lunch?
195
00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:27,633
How?
196
00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:33,267
Okay, I have a crazy idea.
197
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,967
There are no crazy ideas,
only bad ones.
198
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,633
Do you really want
to pitch me a bad idea?
199
00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:40,700
You want to get Joyce Carol
Oates attention on social media.
200
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,033
Move the release of
her book to Tuesday.
201
00:06:43,067 --> 00:06:44,367
Why would we do that?
202
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,967
Topless Tuesday.
203
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,200
Excuse me?
204
00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:48,767
Topless Tuesday.
It's a huge deal.
205
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,867
Women post topless
selfies on Twitter
206
00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:52,900
to support
female empowerment.
207
00:06:52,933 --> 00:06:56,633
We could run a viral campaign
with our fans on social media.
208
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,133
#ShowUsYourOates.
209
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,433
Rhianna posts topless
selfies all the time
210
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,633
and has, like,
35 million followers.
211
00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:12,133
Just another 35 million nails
in our cultural coffin.
212
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:18,100
Bring me a fresh bar
of 70% dark chocolate.
213
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,500
And get me Joyce Carol Oates'
agent on the phone.
214
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,500
I grew up in this
small little town
215
00:07:34,533 --> 00:07:36,267
in West Virginia.
216
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,967
They basically filmed
Winter's Bone in my backyard.
217
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,333
- No way.
- Way.
218
00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:41,333
Yeah.
219
00:07:41,367 --> 00:07:43,000
I'm a total hillbilly.
220
00:07:43,033 --> 00:07:45,433
Who just could not wait
to get out of there.
221
00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:46,800
So after high school,
222
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,433
I bummed around the world
for a couple years.
223
00:07:49,467 --> 00:07:51,667
I was in Europe.
I was in Asia.
224
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:54,100
Until finally
I started apprenticing
225
00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:55,433
for this guy in Tokyo
226
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:59,267
who was like this
master tattoo artist.
227
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:01,200
I love that story.
228
00:08:01,233 --> 00:08:03,033
That's why I totally dig
that you lived in India
229
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,667
for all those years, you know?
230
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:06,033
Well, yeah.
231
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,567
Yeah, living in
a third-world country
232
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,167
really changes your perspective.
233
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,400
I miss it so much.
234
00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:15,600
Oh, oh.
This is amazing.
235
00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:17,767
- You have to see this.
- * Somewhere
236
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,667
- Look at this guy.
- * Beyond the sea
237
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,600
He just drives around the city
238
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,833
just singing.
239
00:08:25,867 --> 00:08:28,033
* My lover stands
on golden sands *
240
00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:30,400
- He's terrible.
- Yeah, I know.
241
00:08:30,433 --> 00:08:32,933
* And watches the ships
242
00:08:32,967 --> 00:08:36,600
* That go sailing
243
00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:38,333
- Meatballs.
244
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:39,667
Best meatballs in Brooklyn.
245
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:42,567
Just stay right here.
I will be right back.
246
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,067
Liza?
247
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,533
Oh, my God.
Michelle, Tom!
248
00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:48,700
Oh!
249
00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:50,667
Where have you been?
250
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:51,933
You moved,
251
00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:53,733
and you disappeared
from Facebook.
252
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,367
I have been so
worried about you.
253
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,700
Yeah, I've been staying
with my friend Maggie.
254
00:08:57,733 --> 00:08:59,100
She lives nearby.
255
00:08:59,133 --> 00:09:00,833
The lesbian artist?
256
00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:02,467
You could have
stayed with me.
257
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,633
What are you guys
doing here?
258
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,267
Oh, every month we
come to Brooklyn
259
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:06,833
to try out a hot
new restaurant.
260
00:09:06,867 --> 00:09:08,933
Well, by "hot,"
she means "overpriced."
261
00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:12,833
You know, we should
introduce Liza to Richard.
262
00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:14,900
Richard
is an absolute catch,
263
00:09:14,933 --> 00:09:17,067
also recently divorced.
264
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,733
- Promise me you'll call.
- I swear.
265
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,133
Oh!
266
00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:23,133
Liza, it's so
good to see you!
267
00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:26,300
Oh, don't be a stranger.
268
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,067
Okay.
269
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,233
It's straight ahead.
It's straight ahead to the left.
270
00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:32,400
Can't miss it.
271
00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:33,767
Who's that?
272
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,767
Oh, yeah, uh,
it's just some older woman
273
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,667
looking for directions
for the subway.
274
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:38,667
And she kissed you?
275
00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:41,100
Yeah.
She was very...
276
00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:43,567
French.
277
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,433
Oh.
278
00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:49,767
OMG,
mouth-gasm.
279
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,333
- Oh, my God.
- They're the best.
280
00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:52,633
- Yeah.
281
00:09:58,867 --> 00:10:00,167
Babe, I can't.
282
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,767
I have to finish
reading this book.
283
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:02,767
Why are you staying over
284
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,600
if you just want to read?
285
00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:06,000
Good air conditioning
286
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:08,300
and better sheets.
287
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,133
What, I can only stay here
if I have sex with you?
288
00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:11,333
No, babe.
289
00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:13,667
It's just been
three whole days.
290
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,300
Okay, well, why don't you
read something for once?
291
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:18,433
That copy of The Goldfinch
has been on your nightstand
292
00:10:18,467 --> 00:10:19,933
for over a year.
293
00:10:28,767 --> 00:10:30,500
In 400 pages.
294
00:10:30,533 --> 00:10:31,733
Okay?
295
00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:33,167
I promise.
296
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,000
Okay,
so this is where you live.
297
00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:48,600
Yep,
with my roommate, Maggie.
298
00:10:48,633 --> 00:10:50,100
She's a really
awesome artist.
299
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:51,433
Multidisciplinary.
300
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,500
Some might describe
her work as really--
301
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,600
Ahh.
302
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,567
One more thing you
should know about me...
303
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,667
I'm all about work
right now.
304
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,533
So no time, really,
for personal life.
305
00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:15,400
Didn't like the kiss,
huh?
306
00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:16,567
Of course not.
No.
307
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,167
God, no.
I loved the kiss.
308
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,000
It was superb.
You're an excellent kisser.
309
00:11:20,033 --> 00:11:21,400
Best kiss
I've had in years.
310
00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:23,133
Seriously.
I mean it.
311
00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:24,400
But I--
312
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:25,700
Yeah.
313
00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:28,667
The work thing.
314
00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:30,067
I got it.
315
00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:35,567
I will try and keep
my distance, neighbor.
316
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,067
Okay.
317
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,167
Neighbor.
318
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,900
* You bring a joy with you
319
00:11:41,933 --> 00:11:46,867
* A certain peace
that's hard to find *
320
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,300
* I never knew
someone like you *
321
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,600
* Who sees me clear
as sky is blue *
322
00:11:58,933 --> 00:12:00,600
- Morning.
- Hey.
323
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:02,433
How was your date
with Josh last night?
324
00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:04,033
It wasn't a date.
325
00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:06,933
It was more
of a neighborly tour.
326
00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:09,533
That kiss was
very neighborly.
327
00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:10,600
You saw that?
328
00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:11,733
Hmm!
I felt that.
329
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:13,433
And I was two floors up.
330
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:15,033
Yeah.
331
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,967
I don't need any more
trouble in my life right now.
332
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,133
Well, one woman's trouble
is another woman's fantasy.
333
00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,900
My fantasy is
restarting my career,
334
00:12:20,933 --> 00:12:22,200
not macking on
some sweet kid
335
00:12:22,233 --> 00:12:23,800
who would take tattoo
needles to his eyes
336
00:12:23,833 --> 00:12:25,433
if he knew how old I was.
337
00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:27,767
That kiss was hot,
though.
338
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,800
It was so hot.
339
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,433
It's never gonna
happen again.
340
00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:33,433
Ever.
341
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:34,433
* Oh, oh, oh, oh
342
00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:36,067
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
343
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,733
Liza!
344
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:46,067
Oh, God, I finally
finished that book.
345
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,700
- I'm so sorry, I didn't.
346
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,633
I had kind of a date
with Josh last night.
347
00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:51,700
Ooh, that hottie
you met at the bar?
348
00:12:51,733 --> 00:12:52,900
Yeah.
349
00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:54,300
God, at least one
of us is having fun.
350
00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:56,467
Thad masturbated
next to me all night,
351
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,700
but I did not let him
break my concentration.
352
00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:00,200
Wow, I wish I had
your focus.
353
00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:01,667
How was the book?
354
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,667
You know, the translation
is a little stilted,
355
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,667
but he is amazing.
356
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:06,933
The book is about his life,
357
00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:09,633
but he makes every
detail feel universal.
358
00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:11,200
I'll finish it tonight.
359
00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:12,300
If I can sign this guy,
360
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,067
it will change
everything for me.
361
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,000
Where have you been?
I've been e-mailing
you all morning.
362
00:13:24,033 --> 00:13:25,467
I'm sorry,
it's 8:00 a.m.
363
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,300
I didn't realize
all morning had started yet.
364
00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:28,300
We have a photo shoot.
365
00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:30,000
ShowUsYourOates.
366
00:13:30,033 --> 00:13:31,000
Seriously?
367
00:13:31,033 --> 00:13:32,267
I'm always serious.
368
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,733
Haven't you figured
that out by now?
369
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:47,300
So are we gonna get
to meet Joyce today?
370
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:49,000
No.
371
00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:50,000
Not today.
372
00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:52,333
Sorry.
373
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,667
Michelle.
374
00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:56,767
Lizey.
375
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,133
Guess who saw your picture
376
00:13:58,167 --> 00:13:59,767
and really wants
to go on a date with you.
377
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,333
Tom's very available
friend Richard.
378
00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,500
Wow, that's very nice,
but I don't think I want to--
379
00:14:04,533 --> 00:14:05,667
Oh, Liza, honey,
380
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:06,933
listen to me.
381
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,700
What happened
with you and David
382
00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:09,767
is terrible,
383
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,167
and losing that beautiful house.
384
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,400
But you need to take a chance,
385
00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:15,167
and I can vouch for this man.
386
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,567
Recently divorced,
387
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:17,733
very good looking,
388
00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:19,167
owns his own business.
389
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,367
- Wow.
- Honey, this is good for you.
390
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:22,367
Just say yes.
391
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,667
Okay. Okay, okay.
392
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:25,100
Just give him my number.
393
00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:26,567
Fabulous.
394
00:14:29,233 --> 00:14:32,567
Wonderful.
This is all very empowering.
395
00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:40,500
This one.
396
00:14:40,533 --> 00:14:41,700
More banner,
less boob.
397
00:14:41,733 --> 00:14:44,567
- Okay.
- Now post it to Twitter.
398
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:45,867
God help us.
399
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,800
Word on the street--
400
00:15:02,833 --> 00:15:04,900
Bjornberg's
signing with Knopf.
401
00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:06,833
His agent wouldn't even
let him take the meeting.
402
00:15:06,867 --> 00:15:08,567
Well, then you have to
find a way to meet him.
403
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,067
What do you mean?
Like, stalk the guy?
404
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,967
No, I mean don't let
someone else's rules
405
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,600
get in the way of working with a
writer you're passionate about.
406
00:15:14,633 --> 00:15:16,800
You are wise.
407
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,300
I'm on Twitter
and nothing is twittering.
408
00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:23,833
You forgot the hashtag.
409
00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:25,500
Right.
Hashtag.
410
00:15:30,867 --> 00:15:32,267
Liza, get in here.
411
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:39,167
Look at this,
look at this.
412
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,300
ShowUsYourOates
is trending.
413
00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,233
Joyce Carol Oates fans
from around the world
414
00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:45,400
are freeing the nipple
in solidarity.
415
00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:46,967
And maybe, just maybe,
416
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,000
they will even buy
one of her books.
417
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,300
Oh, my God.
418
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:55,900
I don't believe this.
419
00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:57,600
I know.
We've gone global.
420
00:15:57,633 --> 00:16:00,400
Excuse me. I have
a small Twitter emergency.
421
00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:28,200
Oh, my God.
422
00:16:28,233 --> 00:16:30,300
You are turning
back into a pumpkin.
423
00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,700
Really? Way to make a girl
feel good before a blind date.
424
00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:33,800
No, I'm kidding.
425
00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:34,967
You look pretty.
426
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,533
Very ladylike.
427
00:16:36,567 --> 00:16:37,833
Ladylike.
428
00:16:37,867 --> 00:16:38,867
I'm not sure
that's a compliment.
429
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:39,867
Oh, 100%.
430
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,300
I like ladies.
431
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,867
It does feel nice to be
wearing my own clothes.
432
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:44,500
Some of those hipster
thrift store finds
433
00:16:44,533 --> 00:16:45,567
smell like weed.
434
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,200
Well, God's in the details.
435
00:16:47,233 --> 00:16:49,400
Anyway, it's great
to see the old Liza back.
436
00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:51,167
Well, this old girl
is about to go on a date
437
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,967
with an
appropriate-aged fellow
438
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,367
whose references I might
actually comprehend.
439
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,000
Hmm, where's
he taking you?
440
00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:59,733
Roberto's, this really nice
Italian place in Paramus.
441
00:16:59,767 --> 00:17:01,067
Oh.
442
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,200
All right, don't
give me that look.
443
00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:03,433
I'm excited about this.
444
00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:04,967
No, no, no,
I'm excited for you.
445
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,867
Are you?
446
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,367
Honey, you're my friend.
447
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,733
I want what you want.
448
00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:12,067
Crazy thing is,
my life just got interesting
449
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,733
and I can't even
talk about it.
450
00:17:23,267 --> 00:17:25,733
Nobody thought that
healthy food and Mexican food
451
00:17:25,767 --> 00:17:26,967
could go together,
452
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,700
but I was a believer
from the beginning.
453
00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:29,800
and let me tell you,
454
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:32,067
Chipotle has been
very good to me.
455
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:33,433
That's wonderful.
456
00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,933
Mm, and my ex-wife.
457
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:40,567
She still participates
in the upside, believe me.
458
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,033
Mm...
459
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:43,567
how was your fish?
460
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,367
It was very good.
461
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,433
Mm.
462
00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:47,800
It's hard for
me to eat out
463
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,733
with everything I know
about the food business.
464
00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:51,800
Sometimes too much
information's not a good thing.
465
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:54,800
You know, when Michelle
told me that you were 40,
466
00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:57,300
I thought, "Whoa.
467
00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:59,067
"If I wanted to be with
a 40-year-old woman,
468
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,533
I would have
stayed married."
469
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,167
Sorry, that's a very--
that's a bad joke.
470
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,300
You're very cute.
471
00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:07,267
Thank you.
472
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,967
Now you ask me
a question.
473
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:10,967
Excuse me?
474
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,200
Go ahead.
Ask anything.
475
00:18:12,233 --> 00:18:14,967
I know these blind dates
can be awkward.
476
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,000
How long have you
been divorced?
477
00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:18,600
Two years since
it's been final,
478
00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:20,600
but it hadn't been
good for years.
479
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,767
Honestly, we stuck
it out for the kids,
480
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,667
who couldn't
have cared less.
481
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:27,533
What about you?
482
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:29,433
It really hasn't
been that long.
483
00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:31,133
We've been separated
about a year.
484
00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:33,633
We actually haven't signed
the divorce papers yet,
485
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:35,300
because we can't
afford the lawyers.
486
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,133
We're actually too broke
to get divorced.
487
00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:38,633
How's that for comedy?
488
00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:40,500
Or tragedy.
Take your pick.
489
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:44,700
I'm sorry, there's just this
one email I have to respond to.
490
00:18:44,733 --> 00:18:46,367
No problem.
491
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,200
Can I get anybody dessert?
492
00:19:01,233 --> 00:19:03,100
- Oh, I'm done.
- Yeah, me too.
493
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,500
Hey, nut.
494
00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:23,933
You looking for someone?
495
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,500
Sorry.
496
00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:35,100
I just really
needed to do that.
497
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,600
Okay.
498
00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:39,033
I'll see you
around the burgh.
499
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,167
Wait, that's it?
500
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,933
For now.
34214
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