All language subtitles for Younger.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10

*

- I WORKED AT RANDOM HOUSE
FOR THREE YEARS.

I STARTED AS AN ASSISTANT
TO A MARKETING VP,

AND THEN I WORKED MY WAY UP
TO JUNIOR EDITOR.

- WOW.
IMPRESSIVE.

- AT THE TIME, I WAS ONE
OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE EVER

TO MAKE EDITOR.

I WAS 25.

- I'M 25.

- DON'T WORRY.
YOU DON'T LOOK A DAY OVER 7.

AND THEN FOR THE PAST...

WHAT, 15 YEARS, NOTHING?

- I QUIT TO RAISE MY CHILD,
CAITLIN,

WHO'S NOW SPENDING
HER SENIOR YEAR

IN AN EXCHANGE PROGRAM
IN INDIA.

LOOK, I KNOW I'VE BEEN
OUT OF PLAY FOR A WHILE,

BUT I AM A MUCH SMARTER,
MORE CAPABLE PERSON TODAY

THAN I WAS 15 YEARS AGO.

- HMM, I'M SURE.

- I'M READY TO THROW MYSELF
BACK INTO WORK 24-7.

I'M READY TO PICK UP
WHERE I LEFT OFF.

- WELL, IT HAS BEEN
QUITE A LONG HIATUS, LIZA.

THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

- FACEBOOK, TWITTER, IPHONES.

- IPADS, EBOOKS, YOUTUBE.

- INSTAGRAM, SNAPCHAT, SKYPE.

- PINTEREST.
- BANG WITH FRIENDS.

YOU BANG WITH FRIENDS?

- IT'S WAY BETTER THAN TINDER.

- ALICE MET A GUY ON TINDER
LAST WEEK

WHO SHOWED HER A BOOB SHOT

OF A GIRL HIS ROOMMATE
HOOKED UP WITH,

AND IT WAS HER VERY OWN BOOB.

- SHUT UP.
AND SHE COULD RECOGNIZE IT?

- CLEAR AS A FINGERPRINT.

HEY.
SORRY.

LOOK, I'M NOT EXPECTING
TO COME BACK WHERE I LEFT OFF.

I'LL START ANYWHERE.

I'LL READ.

I'M A TERRIFIC READER.

I'LL START AS AN ASSISTANT.

- OH, THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.

I MEAN, ASSISTANTS ARE GENERALLY
RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE.

YOU'RE WAY TOO O--

- OVERQUALIFIED.

- NO, I THINK SHE WAS GONNA
SAY--

- ORANGE.

- INDUSTRY TERM.

PLEASE DON'T PUT WORDS
IN MY MOUTH, LIZA.

- DAMN.

- THEY'VE LIVED HERE
FOR 12 YEARS,

BUT THEN DAVE HAD LEFT LIZA
FOR DEBBIE,

A BLACKJACK DEALER HE WAS
SHTUPPING IN ATLANTIC CITY.

THE GOOD NEWS IS HE LEFT LIZA
THE HOUSE.

THE BAD NEWS IS, OF COURSE,
THAT HE TOOK OUT FOUR MORTGAGES

THAT SHE NEVER KNEW ABOUT
TO SUPPORT HIS GAMBLING HABIT.

I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.
YOU DON'T NEED THE DETAILS.

- I LOVE A FLAT SCREEN
ABOVE A FIREPLACE.

- I DON'T KNOW.

SOUNDS LIKE THE HOME OF A WOMAN
WHO LIVES WITH HER CATS

AND IS GONNA DIE ALONE.

- NOT IN THIS HOUSE, SHE WON'T.

SHE CAN'T AFFORD TO.

NOW, EITHER SOMEONE BUYS
THIS PLACE BY NEXT WEEK,

OR IT GOES TO THE BANK.

- HI.
CAN I GET ANYBODY ANYTHING?

COFFEE
CYANIDE?

- MOM.

I'M TRYING TO HAVE
A CULTURAL EXPERIENCE.

YOU CAN'T CALL ME EVERY DAY.

- CAITLIN, I DO NOT CALL YOU
EVERY DAY.

IT JUST SEEMS THAT WAY BECAUSE
OF THE TIME DIFFERENCE.

- BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
WE'RE SELLING THE HOUSE.

SO YOU MAY WANT TO COME HOME
FROM BOMBAY EARLY.

- MOM, IT'S MUMBAI,

AND YOU JUST WANT ME
TO COME HOME TO HELP YOU PACK.

- THAT IS NOT TRUE.
I MISS YOU.

- IT'S JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T
HAVE ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON

IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW.

- YOU'RE JUST FEELING HURT
AND REJECTED

SINCE DAD LEFT.

- WELL, THANKS FOR PUTTING
THAT IN A NUTSHELL

AND STABBING ME WITH IT.

- OKAY, I THINK
YOU'RE SO BRILLIANT,

AND YOU USED TO HAVE
SUCH A COOL JOB.

YOU SHOULD REALLY GO BACK
TO WORK.

- WELL, YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE
FOR CLASS.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

- BYE, MOM.
I LOVE YOU.

*

- HOW IS THAT THE OLDER
AND MORE EXPERIENCED YOU ARE

THE LESS YOU DESIRABLE
YOU BECOME?

- YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
YOUR MARRIAGE AGAIN?

- NO, FINDING WORK.

I HAVE GONE ON
OVER A DOZEN INTERVIEWS,

AND THESE YOUNG GIRLS SEEM
TO TAKE A SPECIAL PLEASURE

IN RUBBING MY AGE IN MY FACE.

- OH, YOU MUST WANT
TO SPANK THEM.

- IT'S LIKE I WOKE UP ONE DAY,

REALIZED MY MARRIAGE
WAS A BIG LIE,

AND I'D BECOME RUTH VAN WRINKLE.

- LIZA, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING
FOR THE TIME.

- NO, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

YOU FOLLOWED
YOUR ARTISTIC DREAMS,

YOU STUCK WITH
THE LESBIAN THING,

AND YOU MOVED TO BROOKLYN
BEFORE IT BECOME HOT.

- EXCUSE ME, I MOVED TO BROOKLYN

BECAUSE I COULDN'T AFFORD
MANHATTAN.

AND NOW THANKS TO ALL THESE
BEARDED CHEESE MONGERS

AND CHICKS THAT LOOK LIKE
MACAULAY CULKIN,

I CAN'T AFFORD BROOKLYN.

- JEEZ, HOW DID I MISS
THE MEMO ON BROOKLYN?

AND BY THE WAY, WHEN DID BOMBAY
BECOME MUMBAI?

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T CALL IT
BOMBAY ANYMORE?

- WELL, WHO WANTS THE WORD
"BOMB"

IN THE NAME OF THEIR CITY
ANYWAY?

YOU KNOW WHAT, I GOT TO PEE.

ORDER, LIKE, SIX MORE OF THESE,

AND THEN WE'LL GO DANCING,

AND WE'LL SPLIT THAT HIT
OF ECSTASY I'VE BEEN SAVING

SINCE 1998.

EXCUSE ME.

- EXCUSE ME.
SIR.

MR. BARTENDER.
HELLO.

HELLO!

REALLY?
HELLO?

- OH.
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HEY, HEY, HEY.
YOU DON'T WAVE A SHOE.

NEVER WAVE A SHOE.

IN THAILAND, THAT'S CONSIDERED
A CAPITAL OFFENSE.

- NO, BUT I HAVE BEEN
TO MYANMAR.

- WHICH USED TO BE BURMA.
- BACK IN THE DAY.

- I KNEW THAT.

- UH, SKINNY MARGARITA.

SIX OF 'EM.

TYLER, TWO SHOTS OF BOURBON.

TRUST ME.

UM, I'M JOSH.

- I'M LIZA.

SO ARE THESE FOR REAL,

OR CAN YOU SCRUB 'EM OFF
WHENEVER YOU WANT TO?

- SCRUB THEM OFF.

WHY WOULD I--WHY WOULD I WANT
TO SCRUB THESE OFF?

- MY BAD.

YOU'LL DEFINITELY WANT TO TAKE
THAT SKULL

WITH THE ROSE BETWEEN ITS TEETH
TO YOUR GRAVE.

- I--IT'S WHAT I DO.
I'M A TATTOO ARTIST.

- I'M SO SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN
TO INSULT YOUR WORK.

DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PARLOR?

YOU'RE NOT REALLY FROM
AROUND HERE, ARE YOU?

- JUST OVER THE BRIDGE.

- YEAH.
I FIGURED.

I HAVE MY OWN STUDIO.

IT'S MORE OF LIKE A LOUNGE,
REALLY.

BODY ART'S THIS REALLY
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

IT'S IMPORTANT THAT EVERYBODY
FEELS COMFORTABLE.

SO HERE'S TO BEING COMFORTABLE.

- YOU MUST GET A LOT
OF CRAZY REQUESTS.

- OH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

LAST WEEK I TATTOOED THE INSIDES
OF LENA DUNHAM'S ASS CHEEKS.

WHY?

- SAID SHE WANTED TO KEEP
SOMETHING PRIVATE.

- THAT'S FUNNY.

SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
HMM?

WHAT DO YOU DO?

- UM, I'M ACTUALLY--
I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR WORK

RIGHT NOW,
IN PUBLISHING.

- IT COULD BE BETTER.

I TOOK A BIT OF A SABBATICAL.

- NICE.
DOING WHAT?

- I...

UM, WORKED ON A NOVEL.

AND, UM...

AND I DID SOME VOLUNTEER WORK
IN INDIA.

- THAT'S AMAZING.
- I KNOW, YEAH.

I CALL IT MY "EAT, PRAY,
ENDURE CHRONIC DIARRHEA" PERIOD.

I'M GONNA STEAL YOUR CELL PHONE
FOR A SECOND.

- WAIT A MINUTE.
WHY?

- JUST RELAX, SCAREDY-CAT.

- I'M TAKING A PICTURE
OF MY JUNK.

NO.

I'M ADDING MYSELF
TO YOUR CALENDAR RIGHT HERE,

NEXT THURSDAY.

- I DON'T KNOW.
LET ME SEE THAT JUNK SHOT FIRST.

OH, MY GOD.

I TOTALLY THOUGHT
THAT WAS GONNA SOUND FLIRTY,

BUT IT CAME OUT CREEPY.

- IT CAME OUT REALLY SEXY
IF YOU ASK ME.

- PLEASE GIVE ME MY PHONE.

YOU ARE WAY TOO YOUNG
FOR ME.

- WHOA, WHOA.
I'M 26, DUDE.

I MEAN, WE GOT TO BE
THE SAME AGE, GIVE OR TAKE.

- MY PHONE.

- HEY.

- HEY, THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND,
MAGGIE.

MY FRIEND WHO IS A GIRL,
NAMED MAGGIE.

AND WE NEED TO GET GOING.
YES.

- OKAY.

- IT WAS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

- YEAH.
- DUDE.

- OH, MY GOD.

HE WAS HOT.

- I KNOW,
AND I THINK HE RAPED MY PHONE.

GET BACK IN THERE.

- OH, NO, NO, NO.
HE THOUGHT I WAS IN MY 20s.

- YES.

WHAT DO THEY PUT IN THE DRINKS
IN THAT PLACE,

AND HOW DO WE GET IT INTO
THE WATER SUPPLY?

- YOU KNOW,
ACTUALLY THAT'S NOT

A TOTALLY LUDICROUS
ASSUMPTION.

- WE WERE DISCUSSING HIS JUNK,

WHICH I BELIEVE MEANS "PENIS,"
BY THE WAY.

- UH-HUH.

YOU KNOW, COME OVER.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

- I'VE SEEN YOUR WEIRD NIPPLE.

- NO, NOT THAT.

LOOK AT YOURSELF.

YOU'VE GOT A GREAT FIGURE,

GREAT HAIR,

GREAT LEGS.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SEE
WHEN THEY LOOK AT YOU.

THEY DON'T SEE A NUMBER.

- THE BAR WAS DARK,
AND THE GUY WAS DRUNK.

- LIZA, YOU'VE ALWAYS
LOOKED GOOD FOR YOUR AGE.

I MEAN, YOU WERE GETTING CARDED
UNTIL YOU WERE 30.

- I KNOW, AND MY HUSBAND STILL
LEAVES ME FOR A YOUNGER WOMAN.

HOW'S THAT FOR IRONY?

- WOULD YOU STOP FEELING SORRY
FOR YOURSELF

AND LISTEN TO ME?

WHAT, NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE
A 40

TELL 'EM YOU'RE 26.

NOBODY'S GONNA BELIEVE THAT.

- PEOPLE BELIEVE
WHAT YOU TELL THEM.

THEY BELIEVE
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES ARE REAL.

THEY THINK THAT COCONUT WATER
IS GONNA SHRINK THEIR ASS.

THEY'LL BELIEVE YOU'RE 26.

- I'M GONNA NEED
SOME HIGHLIGHTS.

- OH, GIRL, WE'RE GOING
WAY BIGGER THAN THAT.

- * LIKE A BIRTH IN REVERSE

* WHAT I SAW THROUGH
THE BLINDS *

* YOU COULD SAY
THAT I'M SAYING *

* PHENOMENAL LIES

* ON THE COSMIC ETERNITY
PARTY LINE *

- KATNISS EVERDEEN.

- FAVORITE BAND.

- ONE DIRECTION.

- HARRY.

- YOU'RE READY.

*

YES.

*

HMM.

YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF SCHOOL
FOR...

FOUR YEARS?

- MM-HMM.

- MOSTLY VOLUNTEER WORK
IN INDIA

AND WORKING ON A NOVEL.

- OH.
WELL...

I SEE.

AND NOW YOU'RE READY
FOR SOME REAL LIFE.

- I'M READY FOR A JOB.

- YES, WELL, I'M SORRY TO SAY
THERE'S NOT A LOT HERE

THAT SUGGESTS A WORK ETHIC.

- UH...
DARTMOUTH.

- EVERY YOUNG PERSON
WHO APPLIES FOR THIS JOB

IS AN IVY LEAGUE
ENGLISH MAJOR.

CAN YOU ANSWER PHONES
FOR EIGHT HOURS AT A STRETCH

WITHOUT TEXTING YOUR FRIENDS?

CAN YOU MAKE STRONG COFFEE,
NEVER WEAR PERFUME,

AND NOT ANNOY ME?

- OKAY, COULD YOU GIVE ME
SOME GUIDELINES?

I MEAN, REGARDING WHAT
CONSTITUTES ANNOYING BEHAVIOR?

- THAT'S AN ANNOYING QUESTION.
- NOTED.

- I'M NOT HERE
TO GIVE YOU GUIDELINES

OR HOLD YOUR HAND OR,
GOD FORBID, EVER READ

THAT NOVEL YOU'VE BEEN
WORKING ON SINCE COLLEGE.

- I UNDERSTAND.

I'M A VERY HARD WORKER.

I WILL FIGURE OUT
HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER

AND HOW NEVER TO ANNOY YOU.

- TELL ME, LESLIE,

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY MAKES YOU...

SPECIAL?

- I'M A GROWN-UP.

I DON'T THINK I'M SPECIAL.

YES.
YES.

- HEY, IT'S MAGGIE.
LEAVE A MESSAGE.

- MAGGIE,
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.

I GOT THE JOB.

I AM WORKING FOR DIANA TROUT,
HEAD OF MARKETING.

26.

- CONGRATS.
- OH.

THANKS.

- OR MAYBE I SHOULD SAY,
MY CONDOLENCES.

- OH. SORRY.

I'M KELSEY PETERS.

I'M AN EDITOR HERE,

AND I SAW YOU MEETING
WITH DIANA TROUT.

- LIZA MILLER.

AND I'M SURE SHE'S NO PICNIC,

BUT I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY
TO HAVE A JOB.

- OF COURSE.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO
IN YOUR CHEERIOS.

- OKAY.
- IT'S A PRETTY COOL COMPANY.

I STARTED WORKING HERE
RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE

AS AN ASSISTANT,

AND I JUST MADE JUNIOR EDITOR
SIX MONTHS AGO.

- WOW.
- YEAH.

SO BASICALLY I WAS YOU
TWO YEARS AGO.

- IF YOU SAY SO.

SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM
WITH DIANA TROUT?

- THE PROBLEM WITH TROUT POUT

IS THAT SHE'S 43 AND DIVORCED.

- WOW.
TRAGIC.

- SHE SEES GIRLS LIKE US
COME IN HERE

WITH OUR FRESH OVARIES
AND OUR FACES PLUMPED

WITH NATURAL ELASTICITY

AND SHE JUST WANTS
TO DESTROY US.

- WELL, THANKS FOR THE WARNING.

- NO PROBLEM.
IT'S CALLED PAYING IT FORWARD.

AS TAYLOR SWIFT SAID, THERE
IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL

FOR WOMEN
WHO DON'T HELP OTHER WOMEN.

I'VE GOT YOUR BACK, GIRL.

- THANKS.

GIRL.

- * GIRL, YOU BETTER WAKE UP

* GIRL, YOU BETTER RUN

* FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

* FASTER THAN A BULLET
COMING OUT OF THAT GUN *

* TELLS YOU THAT HE LOVES YOU

* THEN YOU TAKE IT ALL BACK

- I NEED YOU TO SET UP A TWITTER
ACCOUNT FOR JANE AUSTEN

AND START WRITING HER TWEETS.

DEAD JANE AUSTEN?

- YES, WE'RE RELEASING
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

AS AN EBOOK.

WE NEED TO MAKE SOME NOISE
IN THE TWITTERVERSE.

- AS JANE.

ARE YOU DEAF? IS THAT HOW
YOU GOT INTO DARTMOUTH?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT.

- PUT IT ON FACEBOOK
AND MATCH.COM.

AND CHRISTIAN MINGLE.

NOT HOT ENOUGH!

- HEY, LADY.
HOW'S THE FIRST DAY GOING?

- OH, IT'S GOING GREAT.
REALLY GREAT.

HANGING IN.
- GOOD.

YOU WANT TO COME JOIN
SOME FRIENDS AFTER WORK

FOR KRAV MAGA?

- SURE.
THAT SOUNDS FUN.

REFRESH MY MEMORY.
IS THAT A BIRD OR COCKTAIL?

YOU'RE FUNNY.

*

- OH, MY GOD, YOU TOTALLY
KICKED ASS IN THERE.

- MORE LIKE I GOT MY ASS KICKED.

- LIZA, THIS IS LAUREN.

SHE'S A PUBLICIST
AT HECTOR AND DORF.

- HEY, OH, I'M SO SORRY.

I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY
PUNCHED YOU IN THE TIT.

- OH, IT'S ALL GOOD.
- HEY, COME HAVE A DRINK.

I WANT YOU TO MEET THAD.

- HE'S MY BOYFRIEND.

HE'S A HEDGE FUND GUY,

BUT DON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST HIM.

HE'S REALLY GREAT.
- COOL.

OH, MY GOD.

- THAT BUSH.

- WOW.

- OH, IT LOOKS LIKE
MY MOTHER'S VAGINA.

- I, UH--I JUST CAME BACK
FROM THREE YEARS IN INDIA.

- HEY, CAN I PUT THE BUSH
UP ON INSTAGRAM

FOR HECTOR AND DORF?

THEY'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR INSPIRATION.

- NO, YOU MAY NOT.

AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
I CALL IT A WISCONSIN.

- SO WHAT YEAR DID YOU SAY
YOU GRADUATED DARTMOUTH?

- OH, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN,
GOD...

'08.

- OH, SO YOU MUST KNOW
CRAIG FOWLER.

- OH, YEAH.
EVERYBODY KNOWS FOWLER.

FOWLER LOVED THE LADIES.

- FOWLER IS GAY.

- RIGHT.

HE LOVED THE LADIES AS FRIENDS,

AND HE LOVED THE DUDES
FOR THE HOT SEX.

- BABE, I'M EMPTY HERE.

- OH, SORRY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- YEAH, HE WORKS AT OUR FIRM,

BUT I THINK HE WAS '06,

BUT I BET YOU GUYS KNOW
A TON OF PEOPLE IN COMMON.

- NO, I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH
OF A SOCIAL LIFE.

I PARTICIPATED
IN A LOT OF SIT-INS,

SO I GOT ARRESTED,
LIKE, EVERY WEEKEND.

- AND THEN YOU SPENT THREE YEARS
IN INDIA.

- YEAH, ABOUT THAT.

- WORKING FOR VARIOUS
CHARITY ORGANIZATIONS.

- SUCH AS...

- EXCUSE ME, IS THIS
A BACKGROUND CHECK?

- OH, NO, NO.
I'M JUST CURIOUS.

I THINK IT'S COOL.

YEAH, IT WASN'T COOL, THAD.

IT WAS A WAR ZONE.

THAT'S WHAT REAL POVERTY IS;

IT'S A WAR ZONE.

WITH ALL ITS ATTENDED MISERY,
BAD HYGIENE,

AND DEPRIVATION.

- IS THAT WHY YOUR BUSH
TURNED GRAY?

- YEAH.

PARTIALLY GRAY.

'CAUSE OF SOME OF THE THINGS
I SAW,

AND MAYBE SOME OF THE THINGS
I SMELLED.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE QUITE PROCESSED IT ALL
YET.

- WOW.

- * SMILE FOR THE PEOPLE

* MEETING EVERY DAY

- LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,

YOU'VE SEEN A LOT OF VAGINAS,
RIGHT?

- HMM, I'VE SEEN MY FAIR SHARE.

- SO...

WHAT'S IN STYLE?

- WELL, LAST NIGHT AT THE GYM,

I WAS ALMOST BUSTED
WHEN I WAS CHANGING.

APPARENTLY NOBODY UNDER 30
LOOKS A DAY OVER 12 DOWN THERE.

I'VE GOT SOMEONE
THAT CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT.

I KNOW THIS GIRL--WELL,
TECHNICALLY SHE'S A MAN NOW,

BUT HE'S GREAT.

- OH, GOD, THIS IS INSANE.

- SO KEEP THE BUSH.

I MEAN, I HEAR IT'S COMING BACK
IN STYLE, ANYWAYS.

- NO, I MEAN, INSANE THINKING
I CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS.

DO I REALLY WANT TO TRADE

MY DIGNITY, WISDOM,
AND SELF-RESPECT

FOR ANOTHER CHANCE AT MY 20s?

- YES.

YES, YOU DO.

- JANE AUSTEN
HAS OVER 1,000 FOLLOWERS.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

- AM I SUPPOSED
TO CONGRATULATE YOU?

- NO, I JUST THOUGHT--

- JUST EXPECTED A GOLD STAR

FOR DOING YOUR JOB.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM
WITH YOUR GENERATION, LESLIE.

- RIGHT.
BY THE WAY...

I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA FOR
THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE REISSUE.

MAYBE WE COULD ASK A WRITER
LIKE J.K. ROWLING

OR STEPHENIE MEYER

TO WRITE AN INTRO.

IT WOULD BE A REALLY GREAT
MARKETING HOOK.

- OH, IS THAT YOUR IDEA

OF A REALLY GREAT
MARKETING HOOK?

POACHING A WORLD-CLASS WRITER

FROM A RIVAL PUBLISHING HOUSE

TO PROMOTE ONE OF OUR REISSUES?

IT'S TIME FOR A STAFF MEETING.

YOU SHOULD BE
FETCHING ME COFFEE.

NOT PITCHING ME
RIDICULOUS IDEAS.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.
SHE IS THAT BAD.

- TOLD YOU; YOU GOT TO JUST
SUCK IT UP FOR AT LEAST A YEAR,

AND THEN WITH MY HELP,
YOU COULD HAVE HER JOB.

NO.
I'M JUST HAPPY TO HAVE A JOB.

- LIZA, TROUT POUT IS 43.

SHE SAYS SHE'S 41,
BUT, TRUST ME, I KNOW.

SHE LIES ABOUT HER AGE.

HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?

- HA.
TOTES PATHETIC.

HASHTAG PATHETIC.

- EXACTLY.

SHE'S HIT HER HEAD ON
THE GLASS CEILING SO MANY TIMES,

SHE'S GOT DEMENTIA.

- KELSEY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU ARE SUCH A STRONG WOMAN
AT WORK,

BUT THEN AROUND THAD--

WHAT ABOUT THAD?

- I JUST DON'T LIKE THE WAY
HE TREATS YOU.

YOU CAN'T LET MEN GET AWAY
WITH THAT.

- GIRL, I LIKE DOING THINGS
FOR MY MAN.

LIGHTEN UP, JUDGE JUDY.

- AMAZON IS PROMISING US
THE HOME PAGE FOR THREE DAYS.

WE'RE ALSO PROVIDING FREE
INTERACTIVE STUDY GUIDES

TO EVERY HIGH SCHOOL.

- WELL, LOVE THE ART,

BUT WE'RE GOING TO NEED
A BETTER HOOK

IF YOU WANT US TO MARKET THESE.

WHAT IF WE GOT A WORLD-CLASS
AUTHOR FROM OUR OWN STABLE

TO WRITE THE INTROS
TO THE AUSTEN BOOKS?

- JENNIFER WEINER'S BOOK
DROPS NEXT MONTH,

AND I HAPPEN TO KNOW
SHE LOVES AUSTEN.

- PERFECT.

- * ASS, TITTIES

* ASS AND TITTIES

- * ASS AND TITTIES

* ASS, TITTIES

- * ASS, ASS,
TITTIES, TITTIES *

- GET OUT!

- SORRY.
SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.

- * COME ON, HO

- OH, MY GOD,
WHAT IS HAPPENING?

GIVE ME THAT.
- I HAVE NO IDEA.

SOMEBODY'S BEEN MESSING
WITH MY PHONE.

- HMM.

LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A DATE
TONIGHT

WITH JOSH.

AND JOSH IS CUTE.

WHERE IS HE TAKING YOU?

- UH, NO, I CAN'T.

TROUT POUT HAS ME BURIED
WITH WORK.

WE'RE ONLY IN OUR 20s ONCE.

- I KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S TRUE.

- WELL, YOU GOT TO LIVE IT.

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
YOU'RE GONNA BE IN YOUR 40s,

LIVING IN A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS

WITH A HUSBAND WHO WATCHES TV
ALL NIGHT

WHILE YOU'RE IN YOUR BATHTUB,
SPRITZING YOUR SHOWER HOSE

ON OUR SPECIAL PLACE.

- I THINK THEY CALL IT A WAND.

HELP ME WITH MY MAKEUP.

- YES.

- * AH, OOH

* AH, OOH,
AH, OOH *

* I LOST EVERYTHING

- CAITLIN, HEY.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

YOU HAVEN'T CALLED IN A WEEK.

- I WAS TRYING TO GIVE YOU
YOUR SPACE.

- WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU
TO IGNORE ME.

- I'M SORRY.
HOW'S MUMBAI?

- I MISS HOME,

AND I MISS YOU, MOM.

PLEASE DON'T SELL THE HOUSE.

- DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL FIND ANOTHER.

- IT'S JUST ALL HITTING ME.

YOU KNOW, YOU AND DAD,

AND IT'S JUST SO SAD, AND...

I HATE CURRY.

- IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

I PROMISE.

- I WANT TO COME HOME.

- THEN COME HOME.

COME HOME, HONEY.

- WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

I LOVE YOU, HONEY.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW, OKAY?

- HEY!

SCAREDY-CAT!

WHERE YOU GOING?

- JUST COMING TO MEET YOU.

- * FEELING ALL RIGHT

* I'M NOT FEELING TOO GOOD
MYSELF *

*

* FEELING ALL RIGHT