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All language subtitles for Teachers (2016) S03E17 The Final Robe 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 2 0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:10,068 [romantic jazz music playing] 2 00:00:10,137 --> 00:00:13,172 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:13,241 --> 00:00:17,034 - Oh, my God. Kyle? 4 00:00:17,103 --> 00:00:20,655 Oh, Kyle. You are good. 5 00:00:20,724 --> 00:00:24,172 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:28,931 Someone is about to get the wettest, sloppiest 7 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,068 nastiest, little-- 8 00:00:31,137 --> 00:00:34,931 Oh! Mary Louise? What are you doing here? 9 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,482 - Chelsea, the first time I saw you wearing a belly chain 10 00:00:38,551 --> 00:00:40,551 at faculty orientation, I thought, 11 00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:42,586 that's a girl I need to know. 12 00:00:42,655 --> 00:00:44,172 And as I got to know you better, 13 00:00:44,241 --> 00:00:46,620 I realized you're the best, most beautiful 14 00:00:46,689 --> 00:00:49,000 exciting person I've ever met. 15 00:00:49,068 --> 00:00:51,034 I've always known I wanted you 16 00:00:51,103 --> 00:00:53,310 standing right across from me. 17 00:00:53,379 --> 00:00:57,172 I mean, next to me on my wedding day. 18 00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,413 Chelsea Trixie Dynasty Snap, 19 00:01:00,482 --> 00:01:02,344 will you be my maid of honor 20 00:01:02,413 --> 00:01:05,482 and accept this robe? 21 00:01:05,551 --> 00:01:07,862 - [chuckling] Yes, yes, yes, yes! 22 00:01:07,931 --> 00:01:09,379 Of course! 23 00:01:09,448 --> 00:01:11,275 [both squealing] 24 00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:13,965 [chuckles] Aw. 25 00:01:14,034 --> 00:01:15,620 Wait. 26 00:01:15,689 --> 00:01:17,655 I've never given you a key. 27 00:01:17,724 --> 00:01:19,344 How did you get into my apartment? 28 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,620 [rock music] 29 00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:23,965 - ♪ Teachers ♪ 30 00:01:24,034 --> 00:01:25,517 ♪ Oh! ♪ 31 00:01:27,068 --> 00:01:28,620 - Oh, hi. 32 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,206 What are you all doing here? 33 00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:31,413 - What's with the robe? 34 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,103 Did you rob Hugh Hefner's grave? 35 00:01:33,172 --> 00:01:34,689 - [gasps] Too soon, Deb. 36 00:01:34,758 --> 00:01:36,310 I was devastated when I wasn't picked 37 00:01:36,379 --> 00:01:37,758 to be his third girlfriend. 38 00:01:37,827 --> 00:01:39,724 And Mary Louise gave this to me. 39 00:01:39,793 --> 00:01:44,241 You're looking at her o-fish maid of honor, babies! Uh! 40 00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:46,689 - I didn't know she started choosing bridesmaids already. 41 00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:48,482 - Yeah, she's capping it at five. 42 00:01:48,551 --> 00:01:51,482 So far it's me Hot Dad's sister and some lame church friend 43 00:01:51,551 --> 00:01:53,724 who looks like a backwoods Amber Tamblyn. 44 00:01:53,793 --> 00:01:55,379 Oh, but don't worry. The last two spots 45 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:58,000 are going to you guys. 46 00:01:58,068 --> 00:02:01,344 - But there's three of us. 47 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,137 - Awkwardio. 48 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,689 ♪ ♪ 49 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,551 - Is it weird that I really want to be chosen 50 00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:07,862 as one of Mary Louise's bridesmaids? 51 00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:10,034 - No, I really want to be one too. 52 00:02:10,103 --> 00:02:12,793 - I just assumed we'd all be in the bridal party. 53 00:02:12,862 --> 00:02:14,551 - Rookie mistake. Bridal parties 54 00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,275 are more cutthroat than sorority rush. 55 00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:19,482 And not to brag but I've been chosen as a bridesmaid 56 00:02:19,551 --> 00:02:21,103 20 out of 20 times. 57 00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:23,758 Once, I even beat out the bride's twin sister. 58 00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:25,620 So I'm feeling pretty good. 59 00:02:25,689 --> 00:02:27,551 Especially since Mary Louise invited 60 00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:29,034 me to go dress shopping with her. 61 00:02:29,103 --> 00:02:32,068 - That was a group text, dildo. We were all invited. 62 00:02:32,137 --> 00:02:33,965 - What? Why? 63 00:02:34,034 --> 00:02:37,068 Can you even name one wedding dress silhouette? 64 00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:38,586 - Puffy. 65 00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,103 What's the deal, Caroline? 66 00:02:41,172 --> 00:02:42,413 After all those one night stands, 67 00:02:42,482 --> 00:02:44,517 are you having phantom dick syndrome? 68 00:02:44,586 --> 00:02:46,827 - There was lint on my pants, Deb. 69 00:02:46,896 --> 00:02:49,758 ♪ ♪ 70 00:02:49,827 --> 00:02:51,689 [screams] 71 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,103 You have to help me. 72 00:02:54,172 --> 00:02:56,103 It burns when I pee. - Ugh. 73 00:02:56,172 --> 00:02:58,724 - My Nantucket clam feels like it's fire. 74 00:02:58,793 --> 00:03:01,000 - Girl, you gotta leak after you freak. 75 00:03:01,068 --> 00:03:02,931 You got UTI-ed, you slut. 76 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,103 - [gasps] 77 00:03:05,172 --> 00:03:06,655 ♪ ♪ 78 00:03:06,724 --> 00:03:08,172 - Mary Louise, keep your Friday night open 79 00:03:08,241 --> 00:03:10,517 because I'm throwing you a bachelorette party! 80 00:03:10,586 --> 00:03:12,310 Get ready, girl! 81 00:03:12,379 --> 00:03:14,827 - Holy stripes, I'm so excited. 82 00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:16,413 Where are we going? Give me a hint. 83 00:03:16,482 --> 00:03:18,172 IHOP? Six Flags? Ooh! 84 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:21,103 The Chicago Architecture Foundation River Cruise? 85 00:03:21,172 --> 00:03:24,137 Well, whatever it is, I couldn't be more excited. 86 00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:25,965 - [chuckles] 87 00:03:27,413 --> 00:03:29,655 Okay, Gordon, where the hell is your mom? 88 00:03:29,724 --> 00:03:32,172 She's late. Again. [exhales] 89 00:03:32,241 --> 00:03:35,137 I need to be hundo-p focused on this bachelorette party. 90 00:03:35,206 --> 00:03:37,551 Mary Louise grew up thinking an Etch A Sketch was a computer, 91 00:03:37,620 --> 00:03:39,413 so I've got to give her the most amazing night 92 00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:41,172 her little naive self has ever seen. 93 00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:43,724 - Did you know that scallops have up to 100 eyes 94 00:03:43,793 --> 00:03:45,793 and they're usually all blue? 95 00:03:45,862 --> 00:03:48,344 - Since school's over I can give you my honest answer. 96 00:03:48,413 --> 00:03:50,965 No, and I don't care. [car honking] 97 00:03:51,034 --> 00:03:52,379 - Hey, hey, hey! 98 00:03:52,448 --> 00:03:54,896 - Trish. You can't keep doing this. 99 00:03:54,965 --> 00:03:58,172 - Sorry... I had a pipe burst, and it went everywhere. 100 00:03:58,241 --> 00:04:01,655 And as I was cleaning it up, the dog freakin' puked. 101 00:04:01,724 --> 00:04:04,586 I think she must've drank some of that dookie water. 102 00:04:04,655 --> 00:04:06,586 - You told that same story last time. 103 00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:09,379 My job ends at 4:00, not 5:45. 104 00:04:09,448 --> 00:04:11,551 You're not the only one with things to do around here. 105 00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:12,655 - How late are you open? 106 00:04:12,724 --> 00:04:14,241 - I'm not a business, Trish. 107 00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:15,482 I'm a teacher. 108 00:04:15,551 --> 00:04:18,517 ♪ ♪ 109 00:04:19,482 --> 00:04:21,137 - Hello, Caroline. 110 00:04:21,206 --> 00:04:22,724 So, your test came back, 111 00:04:22,793 --> 00:04:25,000 and turns out you don't have a UTI. 112 00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:27,172 - Great. - You have chlamydia. 113 00:04:27,241 --> 00:04:28,896 - What? - A real bummer. 114 00:04:28,965 --> 00:04:31,965 But I see this kind of gooey stuff all the time. 115 00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:36,310 - Oh, my God. I can't believe this. 116 00:04:36,379 --> 00:04:39,275 And did you really have to describe it as gooey? 117 00:04:39,344 --> 00:04:41,103 - Sorry. I try to use layman's terms 118 00:04:41,172 --> 00:04:42,379 when I'm talking to patients. 119 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,689 - I can't have chlamydia 120 00:04:44,758 --> 00:04:46,379 - I know you probably feel a little awkward 121 00:04:46,448 --> 00:04:49,413 because you think I'm looking at you like a prostitute, 122 00:04:49,482 --> 00:04:50,724 but that's not the case. 123 00:04:50,793 --> 00:04:52,137 I mean, yes, a lot of prostitutes 124 00:04:52,206 --> 00:04:54,551 get venereal diseases, but you don't have to be one 125 00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,620 to get one. 126 00:04:56,689 --> 00:04:58,965 Anyway, I'm gonna write a script for some antibiotics, 127 00:04:59,034 --> 00:05:00,931 and you can get right back to work. 128 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,931 Oh, I wasn't implying your work is how you got this. 129 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,517 I was talking about your other work. 130 00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:08,965 Your real work, uh... 131 00:05:09,034 --> 00:05:11,068 Your only work. 132 00:05:11,965 --> 00:05:15,586 - Well, tonight you finally pick your bridesmaids. 133 00:05:15,655 --> 00:05:18,206 - I know. Thanks for the ride. 134 00:05:18,275 --> 00:05:19,793 - Are you ready? 135 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:24,344 - I don't know if I'm ready, Toby, but I'm excited. 136 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:29,172 - Well, it looks like the first Lyft is pulling up right now. 137 00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:31,034 I'll leave you to it. 138 00:05:31,103 --> 00:05:34,034 [soft music] 139 00:05:34,103 --> 00:05:39,206 ♪ ♪ 140 00:05:39,275 --> 00:05:40,655 - Hi, there. 141 00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:43,068 - This is for you. 142 00:05:43,137 --> 00:05:44,275 It's a picture of us. 143 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,310 - Did one of your students draw this? 144 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,034 - No. I did. 145 00:05:48,103 --> 00:05:49,655 See you inside. 146 00:05:54,413 --> 00:05:55,724 - Hi. 147 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,241 - Here. It's a vial for you 148 00:05:58,310 --> 00:06:00,827 to drink Hot Dad's blood from on your wedding day. 149 00:06:00,896 --> 00:06:02,344 David and I did it on ours 150 00:06:02,413 --> 00:06:05,241 and it was the most romantic thing we've ever done. 151 00:06:05,310 --> 00:06:07,275 - [unsteadily] Thank you. 152 00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:14,620 - Let's do the damn thing. 153 00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:16,724 I'm feeling really good about my chances. 154 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,103 After all, I deserve this. 155 00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:21,275 - I'm so excited you're all here, 156 00:06:21,344 --> 00:06:24,724 and thank you so much for coming with me on this journey. 157 00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:27,206 Cheers! all: Cheers! 158 00:06:29,827 --> 00:06:31,379 - You might want to slow down there, Caroline. 159 00:06:31,448 --> 00:06:32,827 - Mm. 160 00:06:32,896 --> 00:06:34,241 - How long do you think this will take? 161 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,827 I have so much shit to do. 162 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,448 The bachelorette party's Friday, and I'm still working 163 00:06:37,517 --> 00:06:39,206 on the cake, decorations, and trying to book 164 00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:41,379 the tiny strippers. - Who are the tiny strippers? 165 00:06:41,448 --> 00:06:43,206 - There a group of little person strippers 166 00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:45,103 who have huge dongs. 167 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:48,172 I know. I thought the name was misleading too. 168 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,275 ♪ ♪ 169 00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:51,827 [all gasp] - Girl. 170 00:06:51,896 --> 00:06:53,551 That dress is GOAT. 171 00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:55,379 - You look incredible. - Aw. 172 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,586 - Say yes to the dress, y'all! 173 00:06:57,655 --> 00:07:00,275 [cackling] - Oh, my God, make it stop. 174 00:07:03,103 --> 00:07:04,379 - Say yes to the dress, y'all! 175 00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:05,655 [laughs] Look at us. 176 00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:07,448 It's like "Bride Wars." Ooh! 177 00:07:07,517 --> 00:07:09,310 Dibs on being Kate Hudson. 178 00:07:09,379 --> 00:07:10,724 - Caroline is a mess. 179 00:07:10,793 --> 00:07:12,172 I haven't seen someone get this hammered 180 00:07:12,241 --> 00:07:14,103 since my sorority sister, Michelle, got trashed 181 00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,586 on a pontoon party boat and drowned. 182 00:07:16,655 --> 00:07:18,379 That was embarrassing. 183 00:07:18,448 --> 00:07:20,793 - Oh, my God, you're wearing a headband just like me. 184 00:07:20,862 --> 00:07:22,482 I love you! [liquid dripping] 185 00:07:22,551 --> 00:07:24,551 [all gasping] 186 00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:27,241 Oh, relax. It's clear. 187 00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:28,862 - Caroline. 188 00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:30,310 I think you've had enough. 189 00:07:30,379 --> 00:07:32,241 - [snorts, crying] I'm sorry! 190 00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:35,275 I just got some really bad health news today. 191 00:07:35,344 --> 00:07:37,137 I haven't completely processed it yet. 192 00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:39,000 - She always has to make it about her. 193 00:07:39,068 --> 00:07:41,275 - Oh, my God, what is it? - Is it cancer? 194 00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:42,689 - Oh, shit, is it cancer? 195 00:07:42,758 --> 00:07:44,931 - Chlamydia. - Oh. 196 00:07:46,103 --> 00:07:47,551 - When you've lived on a commune, 197 00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:49,275 chlamydia's no big deal. 198 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,896 - It'll be fine. Chlamydia is treatable. 199 00:07:51,965 --> 00:07:53,793 Almost every sexually active person 200 00:07:53,862 --> 00:07:55,482 gets an STD at some point. 201 00:07:55,551 --> 00:07:57,724 - My life is ruined. 202 00:07:57,793 --> 00:07:59,620 - Okay, Caroline, cut it out. 203 00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:01,482 This is Mary Louise's day, not yours. 204 00:08:01,551 --> 00:08:03,896 Now let's get you home so you can throw back 205 00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:06,206 some doxycycline and sleep this off. 206 00:08:06,275 --> 00:08:07,586 - Okay, thanks. 207 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,448 I think my body's just really tired 208 00:08:09,517 --> 00:08:11,103 from all the chlamydia. 209 00:08:11,172 --> 00:08:13,206 - You wanna try on another dress? 210 00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:14,896 [tense rattling] 211 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,310 [reflective music] 212 00:08:18,379 --> 00:08:21,413 - Hey, Mary Louise, have you made any decisions 213 00:08:21,482 --> 00:08:22,896 about your bridal party? 214 00:08:22,965 --> 00:08:25,896 - No. I thought I was gonna pick Caroline, 215 00:08:25,965 --> 00:08:27,655 but after the dress shop incident 216 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,172 I'm not so sure anymore. 217 00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:31,827 - Whatever she did, I'm sure she was in the wrong. 218 00:08:31,896 --> 00:08:33,896 - But Deb really surprised me. 219 00:08:33,965 --> 00:08:35,862 I loved the way she took control. 220 00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:38,758 - Well, I'm glad there was a silver lining. 221 00:08:38,827 --> 00:08:41,344 To be honest, I don't know how I got sucked into all of this, 222 00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:44,965 but I'm bored so... 223 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:49,275 - Girl. You were a mess yesterday. 224 00:08:49,344 --> 00:08:50,862 How are you feeling? 225 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,931 - Well, the treatment is keeping my physical pain 226 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,000 at bay, but now I have to endure the emotional pain 227 00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:58,724 of contacting all of my previous sexual partners. 228 00:08:58,793 --> 00:08:59,965 - Why? 229 00:09:00,034 --> 00:09:02,620 - Because it's the right thing to do. 230 00:09:02,689 --> 00:09:04,172 The problem is I can't remember the names 231 00:09:04,241 --> 00:09:05,896 of half the guys I've been with. 232 00:09:05,965 --> 00:09:07,827 - Just check your phone. I'm sure you mercy entered 233 00:09:07,896 --> 00:09:10,000 some of them in your contacts. 234 00:09:10,068 --> 00:09:12,517 - You're right. There's Fuddruckers Frank. 235 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,551 Likes the Butt Bill. 236 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,206 Really Cute Dog Dave. 237 00:09:16,275 --> 00:09:19,034 His adorable dog almost made up for his night terrors. 238 00:09:19,103 --> 00:09:21,655 - If I were you, I'd keep it flirty. 239 00:09:21,724 --> 00:09:23,793 This isn't necessarily good-bye. 240 00:09:28,206 --> 00:09:31,413 - Hello, Frank? Hi, it's Caroline. 241 00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:33,931 You may remember me from the bathroom at Fuddruckers 242 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,275 during biker week. 243 00:09:36,344 --> 00:09:39,482 No, I don't have an eyebrow piercing. 244 00:09:39,551 --> 00:09:41,551 Yes, I'm sure. 245 00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:44,586 No, I did not show you my gun. 246 00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:46,517 You have chlamydia, Frank. 247 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,896 ♪ ♪ 248 00:09:47,965 --> 00:09:51,034 - Ugh, your mom's voicemail box is full. 249 00:09:51,103 --> 00:09:52,758 - Oh, she does it on purpose. 250 00:09:52,827 --> 00:09:54,793 She says it's supply and demand. 251 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,620 Makes her more wanted that way. 252 00:09:56,689 --> 00:09:58,413 - That actually makes sense. 253 00:09:58,482 --> 00:10:00,310 Okay, well since I'm stuck with you, you can help me 254 00:10:00,379 --> 00:10:02,517 brainstorm Mary Louise's bachelorette hashtag. 255 00:10:02,586 --> 00:10:05,931 It must be completely original. Puns and rhymes encouraged. 256 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,517 - Something like #MarriedLouise. 257 00:10:08,586 --> 00:10:11,586 - Impressive but it doesn't make me wanna go to the party. 258 00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:13,758 Oh, and you want to make sure when you mash words together 259 00:10:13,827 --> 00:10:15,517 that they don't make other words. 260 00:10:15,586 --> 00:10:19,827 I'll never live down the time I started the #ChrisSLovesAnaL. 261 00:10:20,931 --> 00:10:25,275 Chris S loves Ana L. 262 00:10:25,344 --> 00:10:28,275 You know what? Let's move on to venues. 263 00:10:28,344 --> 00:10:30,275 - So the bridal shop was a total disaster. 264 00:10:30,344 --> 00:10:32,413 I just haven't been myself ever since I found out 265 00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:34,724 that chlamydia can spread to your eyes. 266 00:10:34,793 --> 00:10:36,655 If I go blind and Chelsea can still see, 267 00:10:36,724 --> 00:10:39,000 then there is no justice in the universe. 268 00:10:39,068 --> 00:10:40,275 I have to do something drastic 269 00:10:40,344 --> 00:10:42,068 if I'm ever going to get a robe. 270 00:10:42,137 --> 00:10:45,275 [suspenseful music] 271 00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:50,965 ♪ ♪ 272 00:10:51,034 --> 00:10:54,034 - Caroline? Is everything all right? 273 00:10:54,103 --> 00:10:56,379 - I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. 274 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,413 I hope it's okay I came. 275 00:10:58,482 --> 00:11:02,172 Here, I brought you these. 276 00:11:02,241 --> 00:11:03,724 And this. 277 00:11:04,689 --> 00:11:07,068 I'm sorry I got a little wackado at the dress shop. 278 00:11:07,137 --> 00:11:11,448 I totally hijacked your day and that is not okay. 279 00:11:11,517 --> 00:11:15,068 Will you forgive me? - Absolutely. 280 00:11:15,137 --> 00:11:18,310 Do you... wanna come in? 281 00:11:18,379 --> 00:11:19,655 - Can I? 282 00:11:19,724 --> 00:11:22,241 Chosen over a twin. 283 00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:27,344 ♪ ♪ 284 00:11:27,413 --> 00:11:30,172 - What the fuck. 285 00:11:32,034 --> 00:11:33,586 - Faster, Gordon. These goodie bags 286 00:11:33,655 --> 00:11:35,172 needed to be ready hours ago. 287 00:11:35,241 --> 00:11:37,172 Hey! I paid good money for those. 288 00:11:37,241 --> 00:11:39,310 No eating the edible undies. 289 00:11:39,379 --> 00:11:43,000 - There you are! I have been waiting outside for 15 minutes! 290 00:11:43,068 --> 00:11:45,413 - Oh, I'm sorry. Did we inconvenience you? 291 00:11:45,482 --> 00:11:46,965 Because you were supposed to pick your son up 292 00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:48,275 three hours ago! 293 00:11:48,344 --> 00:11:50,172 I am not here to babysit him for free. 294 00:11:50,241 --> 00:11:51,862 - [crying] Okay, I'm sorry! 295 00:11:51,931 --> 00:11:55,068 I'm just having a really hard time juggling everything. 296 00:11:55,137 --> 00:11:58,655 Gordon's dad left us a year ago--I mean, died, 297 00:11:58,724 --> 00:12:00,241 and now I'm working two jobs 298 00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:02,620 in addition to being a single mom. 299 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,413 - I can relate. 300 00:12:04,482 --> 00:12:06,310 I know what it's like to be on your own, 301 00:12:06,379 --> 00:12:09,103 to never get any help, and to have to do whatever it takes 302 00:12:09,172 --> 00:12:11,413 to get the job done but it's just never enough. 303 00:12:11,482 --> 00:12:12,482 - Really? 304 00:12:12,551 --> 00:12:13,793 - I'm planning a bachelorette party 305 00:12:13,862 --> 00:12:15,275 all by myself. 306 00:12:15,344 --> 00:12:17,344 I mean, what if she hates it? 307 00:12:17,413 --> 00:12:20,034 - I used to own The Drunk Skunk in Cicero 308 00:12:20,103 --> 00:12:22,344 before I had to burn it down for insurance money. 309 00:12:22,413 --> 00:12:25,896 We had bachelorette parties come through all the time. 310 00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:29,034 I've got a garage full of decorations. 311 00:12:29,103 --> 00:12:31,241 - You have a garage full of penises? 312 00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:34,172 No wonder you're always late. - Oh, oh! 313 00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:36,655 Yes, queen. [both laugh] 314 00:12:36,724 --> 00:12:38,862 Yeah, if you could watch Gordon every once and a while, 315 00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:40,724 I could help you out with the party. 316 00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,034 - Okay, deal. 317 00:12:42,103 --> 00:12:43,517 - Gordon! What are you eating? 318 00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:46,000 Those better not be my edible undies, young man! 319 00:12:46,068 --> 00:12:49,000 [soft music] 320 00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,000 ♪ ♪ 321 00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:53,068 - Cecelia. 322 00:12:53,137 --> 00:12:57,241 This is for you. - [gasps] 323 00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:02,931 "Cecelia, let's have lunch on the playground. 324 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,379 "It'll be a swinging good time. 325 00:13:05,448 --> 00:13:08,620 Mary Louise." 326 00:13:08,689 --> 00:13:11,206 - Yay! - So fun! 327 00:13:11,275 --> 00:13:13,896 - I acted surprised, but I knew this was coming. 328 00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:16,310 I scored an original vest from "The Partridge Family" 329 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,068 off eBay and gave it to her yesterday. 330 00:13:20,344 --> 00:13:21,758 - Fuck! 331 00:13:21,827 --> 00:13:24,206 - See my ring? - [gasps] Oh! 332 00:13:24,275 --> 00:13:26,206 - I can't believe she's hanging out with Cecelia. 333 00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:29,275 - I know, but we shouldn't talk bad about her. 334 00:13:29,344 --> 00:13:31,241 We've become really good friends. 335 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,275 Three facts about Cecelia: she smells, 336 00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:36,206 she has hairy armpits, and her personality sucks. 337 00:13:36,275 --> 00:13:39,482 - Will you accept this robe? - [gasps] Yes! 338 00:13:39,551 --> 00:13:41,896 - Oh, my God. - You gotta be kidding me. 339 00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:43,896 - Oh, you look so beautiful in it! 340 00:13:43,965 --> 00:13:45,862 - [squealing] 341 00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,413 [tense music] 342 00:13:47,482 --> 00:13:49,793 - So now there's only one robe left. 343 00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:52,068 ♪ ♪ 344 00:13:55,413 --> 00:13:56,931 - It's the day of my bachelorette party, 345 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,689 and I'm so grateful to have had this week 346 00:13:58,758 --> 00:14:01,448 with these amazing women, and even though 347 00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:03,034 I haven't decided who I'll choose 348 00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:05,482 as my final bridesmaid, I'm excited. 349 00:14:05,551 --> 00:14:07,931 I can't wait to see what they have planned for me. 350 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,344 It's sure to be a really classy night. 351 00:14:11,448 --> 00:14:13,896 - Hey, girl! [giggles] - Hi! 352 00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:15,241 - Okay, I am so sorry. 353 00:14:15,310 --> 00:14:16,724 The baker refused to put pee-holes 354 00:14:16,793 --> 00:14:18,103 in the penis cupcakes. 355 00:14:18,172 --> 00:14:20,482 But the mechanical bull is all set up, 356 00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:23,379 and there's a hairy balls piñata. 357 00:14:23,448 --> 00:14:24,793 - Oh! 358 00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:27,413 Swish, swish, Trish, you my bitch. 359 00:14:27,482 --> 00:14:29,827 - I can't believe Cecelia's wearing that robe, 360 00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:31,827 trying to rub it in our faces. 361 00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:34,620 But joke's on her because she doesn't even look good in pink. 362 00:14:34,689 --> 00:14:36,551 It's like, go ahead, saunter around, 363 00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:38,827 but you look super washed out while you do it. 364 00:14:38,896 --> 00:14:41,413 - Hey. [sighs] I'm totally freaking out. 365 00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:43,000 I didn't think I'd get this invested, 366 00:14:43,068 --> 00:14:45,310 but I've never been in a bridal party before. 367 00:14:45,379 --> 00:14:47,344 And Mary Louise is so sweet. 368 00:14:47,413 --> 00:14:51,000 She deserves a great wedding no matter what. 369 00:14:51,068 --> 00:14:53,758 But I just was really hoping to be a part of it. 370 00:14:53,827 --> 00:14:56,689 - Yeah. I mean, she and I have had our differences-- 371 00:14:56,758 --> 00:14:59,103 she wears socks with ballet flats like a toddler-- 372 00:14:59,172 --> 00:15:01,724 but she's been by my side through a lot. 373 00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:04,482 I really hope I can stand up there with her. 374 00:15:04,551 --> 00:15:07,068 - You know what? 375 00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:10,344 I hope you get it. - No, I hope you get it. 376 00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:13,000 I got your back, girl. - Thanks. 377 00:15:13,068 --> 00:15:14,620 - [squealing] 378 00:15:14,689 --> 00:15:16,413 - [blows whistle] 379 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,413 [both laughing] - Hey, girl. 380 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,862 Here is your crown. - [chuckling] Oh! 381 00:15:20,931 --> 00:15:23,620 - Hey, can I steal you for a moment? 382 00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,068 - Oh. Okay. 383 00:15:25,137 --> 00:15:27,241 [dramatic music] 384 00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:29,137 - Are you fucking kidding me? 385 00:15:29,206 --> 00:15:31,172 Fuck! Fu-- 386 00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:33,517 - All right. - Oh, yeah. Whoo! 387 00:15:33,586 --> 00:15:35,724 Trish, where did you get this guy? 388 00:15:35,793 --> 00:15:39,034 - Oh. He's my cousin. Isn't he hot? 389 00:15:39,103 --> 00:15:42,344 Yeah, good job, Billy. You got the moves. 390 00:15:42,413 --> 00:15:44,793 - I just don't want my chlamydia-riddled body 391 00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,482 to affect your big day. 392 00:15:46,551 --> 00:15:50,448 But I actually think that if I'm chosen as a bridesmaid, 393 00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,620 it could help me beat this. 394 00:15:52,689 --> 00:15:53,965 - Really? - Yeah. 395 00:15:54,034 --> 00:15:55,931 I mean, just being with you here, 396 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,000 I can feel myself healing 397 00:15:58,068 --> 00:15:59,517 down there. - Sorry. Mary Louise. 398 00:15:59,586 --> 00:16:01,724 I need to talk to you. - I just got here. 399 00:16:01,793 --> 00:16:03,827 - She's lying to you. She just told me 400 00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,862 that she hates that you dress like a toddler. 401 00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,931 - What? - I never said the word "hate." 402 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,379 - Mm, I'm the only one here looking out for you. 403 00:16:10,448 --> 00:16:11,827 She's not your real friend. 404 00:16:11,896 --> 00:16:13,379 - Yes, she is, and so are you. 405 00:16:13,448 --> 00:16:15,517 I'm here to spend time with the both of you. 406 00:16:15,586 --> 00:16:18,000 - Oh, bullshit. We know there's only room for one of us 407 00:16:18,068 --> 00:16:20,206 in your bridal party, so who are you gonna give it to? 408 00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:23,310 Who gets the final robe? - Guys, mellow out. 409 00:16:23,379 --> 00:16:24,931 Being in the bridal party isn't that big of a deal. 410 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,344 - You're just saying that because you're already in it, 411 00:16:27,413 --> 00:16:29,965 you smug-ass hippie. - Yeah, shut up, Cecelia. 412 00:16:30,034 --> 00:16:31,965 - Stop it, stop it, stop it! 413 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,206 - You guys are really missing out. 414 00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:35,793 Trish and I are having a blast. 415 00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:38,137 We're about to play Pin the Piercing on the Clit. 416 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:41,586 - [sobbing] 417 00:16:41,655 --> 00:16:45,655 - This because I said "clit"? [sighs] 418 00:16:45,724 --> 00:16:47,413 - [crying] 419 00:16:47,482 --> 00:16:50,241 - Mary Louise. Please come out. 420 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,827 - I'm never coming out! 421 00:16:52,896 --> 00:16:54,758 - Mary Louise. It's me. 422 00:16:54,827 --> 00:16:56,344 [door unlocks] 423 00:16:57,758 --> 00:16:59,862 - Hi, Chelsea. [breathes slowly] 424 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:03,172 I can't believe how selfish you guys are. 425 00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:04,758 I'm such an idiot. 426 00:17:04,827 --> 00:17:06,689 I thought you were all here for the right reasons, 427 00:17:06,758 --> 00:17:08,379 but all you care about is competing 428 00:17:08,448 --> 00:17:10,551 to be in my bridal party. 429 00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:13,068 - I thought for sure this was because I said clit. 430 00:17:13,137 --> 00:17:15,517 I still think it might have been because I said clit. 431 00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:18,517 - I am so sorry, Mary Louise. - You're right. 432 00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:20,758 We totally lost sight of what's important. 433 00:17:20,827 --> 00:17:22,517 - This night should be about you. 434 00:17:22,586 --> 00:17:24,827 - I just love you all so much. 435 00:17:24,896 --> 00:17:28,000 That's why I'm having such a hard time picking bridesmaids. 436 00:17:28,068 --> 00:17:30,172 - Don't even think about it. It doesn't matter. 437 00:17:30,241 --> 00:17:31,965 - We're just excited about your big day. 438 00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:33,862 - Okay. Thanks. 439 00:17:33,931 --> 00:17:37,344 - Come on. We've got some hairy balls to smash! 440 00:17:37,413 --> 00:17:38,896 [all squealing] 441 00:17:38,965 --> 00:17:40,965 [rock music playing] 442 00:17:41,034 --> 00:17:42,827 Go! 443 00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,206 - Go, go, go! - Aw! 444 00:17:44,275 --> 00:17:46,758 - Cheers. Mary Louise! - Get it, girl! 445 00:17:46,827 --> 00:17:48,172 [cheering] 446 00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,379 - I ate the balls. 447 00:17:49,448 --> 00:17:50,689 - The balls is the best part. 448 00:17:50,758 --> 00:17:54,137 - Yah! Charge - [yelling] 449 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,068 Do you have any strength in your body? 450 00:17:56,137 --> 00:17:57,724 - Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no! 451 00:17:57,793 --> 00:17:59,620 - Stop. That's not safe! - She can't breathe! 452 00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:01,551 - Mary Louise! Let go of her! 453 00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:06,655 - This is the best night ever with the best friends ever! 454 00:18:11,241 --> 00:18:14,172 [suspenseful music] 455 00:18:14,241 --> 00:18:21,448 ♪ ♪ 456 00:18:31,655 --> 00:18:34,586 - Mary Louise, this is the final robe. 457 00:18:41,862 --> 00:18:44,931 - It's been great spending time with you this week. 458 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,068 ♪ ♪ 459 00:18:47,137 --> 00:18:51,206 And I really care about all of you. 460 00:19:02,655 --> 00:19:09,689 ♪ ♪ 461 00:19:16,551 --> 00:19:19,068 - Deb. - Oh, thank God! 462 00:19:19,137 --> 00:19:21,379 [somber music] 463 00:19:21,448 --> 00:19:25,068 - Deb. Will you accept this robe? 464 00:19:25,137 --> 00:19:27,793 - Yes, of course! Thank you. 465 00:19:30,241 --> 00:19:33,517 - Caroline. Can I walk you out? 466 00:19:37,034 --> 00:19:38,517 Caroline, you're so special. 467 00:19:38,586 --> 00:19:40,965 - Don't. - Please, let me finish. 468 00:19:41,034 --> 00:19:44,103 This was a really hard decision. 469 00:19:45,103 --> 00:19:48,310 But I'd still love for you to be part of my wedding. 470 00:19:48,379 --> 00:19:51,448 As my personal attendant, 471 00:19:51,517 --> 00:19:53,931 you'll be in charge of super important things 472 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,655 like seating guests on time and putting mints in the bathroom. 473 00:19:56,724 --> 00:19:58,413 - So you want me to work the wedding 474 00:19:58,482 --> 00:20:01,310 and give people mints after they've taken a dump? 475 00:20:01,379 --> 00:20:03,965 You're making a big mistake. 476 00:20:04,034 --> 00:20:05,586 But I'm not gonna cry. 477 00:20:05,655 --> 00:20:06,689 [screams] 478 00:20:09,344 --> 00:20:11,034 [rock music] 479 00:20:11,103 --> 00:20:12,965 ♪ La la, la la ♪ 480 00:20:13,034 --> 00:20:15,275 ♪ La la, la la la ♪ 481 00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:18,896 ♪ La la, la la la, la la ♪ 482 00:20:18,965 --> 00:20:20,931 ♪ I'm gonna teach ya ♪ 483 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,275 ♪ La la la, la la ♪ 484 00:20:23,344 --> 00:20:25,758 ♪ I'll give you what you need ♪ 485 00:20:25,827 --> 00:20:28,034 ♪ La la la, la la ♪ 486 00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:31,172 ♪ Said I'm gonna teach ya ♪ 487 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:35,137 [snoring] 35352