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1
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,310
[heart beating]
2
00:00:09,379 --> 00:00:10,965
- There's the little
peanut pie.
3
00:00:11,034 --> 00:00:14,344
- I can't believe
that thing's inside of me.
4
00:00:14,413 --> 00:00:16,482
I feel like that guy
in "Alien."
5
00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:19,206
[imitates bursting sounds]
6
00:00:19,275 --> 00:00:20,379
- Never seen it.
7
00:00:20,448 --> 00:00:21,896
I don't care
for Sigourney Weaver.
8
00:00:21,965 --> 00:00:24,206
Oh, and there's
her little heart beating.
9
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:25,586
- Her?
10
00:00:25,655 --> 00:00:29,172
- Oh! You wanted the gender
to be a surprise.
11
00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:31,206
Well, surprise!
Ha, it's a girl.
12
00:00:31,275 --> 00:00:33,310
- No, I need to have a boy.
13
00:00:33,379 --> 00:00:36,206
Are you sure?
I mean, what's that?
14
00:00:36,275 --> 00:00:37,793
That looks like a penis, right?
15
00:00:37,862 --> 00:00:39,241
- That's her finger,
16
00:00:39,310 --> 00:00:41,448
and there are ten of them...
- [sighs]
17
00:00:41,517 --> 00:00:44,655
- So thank God they aren't
penises, right? [laughs]
18
00:00:44,724 --> 00:00:47,448
I mean, you would still
love her, of course.
19
00:00:48,620 --> 00:00:51,413
Hey, why don't we take
your mind off this
20
00:00:51,482 --> 00:00:53,793
and swab your vagina for strep?
21
00:00:53,862 --> 00:00:55,793
- You can get strep
in your vagina?
22
00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:58,793
- Oh, yeah.
It's the throat of the thighs.
23
00:00:59,931 --> 00:01:02,931
[rock music]
24
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,034
♪ ♪
25
00:01:06,103 --> 00:01:08,827
- Step right up, my little
honor roll astronauts.
26
00:01:08,896 --> 00:01:12,034
Our space bus
is about to blast off
27
00:01:12,103 --> 00:01:14,310
to the magical planet of Arium.
28
00:01:14,379 --> 00:01:16,448
The "planet-arium."
29
00:01:16,517 --> 00:01:18,206
Planetarium. [laughs]
30
00:01:18,275 --> 00:01:20,137
- Don't you just love
field trips?
31
00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:21,862
They make me feel
like a kid again.
32
00:01:21,931 --> 00:01:24,034
- No, they suck.
The kids go insane.
33
00:01:24,103 --> 00:01:25,793
It's like a prison break,
but instead of shivs,
34
00:01:25,862 --> 00:01:28,551
they have fidget spinners.
- Do we have everyone?
35
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:30,241
- Everyone but Nancy Sullivan.
36
00:01:30,310 --> 00:01:32,275
- Has anyone seen
Nancy Sullivan?
37
00:01:32,344 --> 00:01:33,862
- Nancy?
38
00:01:33,931 --> 00:01:35,793
Oh, well, we gave it our
best shot. Let's go.
39
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,586
- Chelsea, we can't leave
when a student's gone missing.
40
00:01:38,655 --> 00:01:41,172
We're chaperones.
- So?
41
00:01:41,241 --> 00:01:44,448
- Okay.
I'll go find Nancy.
42
00:01:44,517 --> 00:01:46,103
- No, I'll go.
43
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:47,655
I don't wanna be on the bus
any longer than I have to.
44
00:01:47,724 --> 00:01:48,827
It already smells
like hot bologna
45
00:01:48,896 --> 00:01:49,724
and milk farts in there.
46
00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:51,103
- Dibs on going with Chelsea!
47
00:01:51,172 --> 00:01:53,827
Ooh, better luck next time,
Caroline.
48
00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:55,034
You gotta be quick.
49
00:01:55,103 --> 00:01:57,793
- Yeah...you win.
50
00:01:57,862 --> 00:02:01,413
♪ ♪
51
00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:04,931
- Jordan, let me see
those animal crackers.
52
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,000
Oh, yeah, these are expired.
53
00:02:07,068 --> 00:02:09,827
You don't wanna eat 'em.
I'll throw them away for you.
54
00:02:12,655 --> 00:02:14,241
- Baby's making you
hungry, huh?
55
00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:16,275
- Baby's making me depressed.
56
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:17,931
I just found out
I'm having a girl.
57
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,862
- [gasps] Oh, my Gaia!
That's wonderful.
58
00:02:20,931 --> 00:02:23,517
Congratulations.
- No, it isn't.
59
00:02:23,586 --> 00:02:25,482
Having a girl terrifies me,
60
00:02:25,551 --> 00:02:27,172
and I've had
a Willem Dafoe sex dream.
61
00:02:27,241 --> 00:02:30,206
- Why is having a girl
scarier than having a boy?
62
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,586
- I don't know
how to relate to girls.
63
00:02:32,655 --> 00:02:34,310
- You know you are one, right?
64
00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:36,344
- Yeah, but I'm not
your typical girl.
65
00:02:36,413 --> 00:02:38,034
They're high-maintenance
and emotional,
66
00:02:38,103 --> 00:02:40,965
and I hate princesses and pink
and girly garbage.
67
00:02:41,034 --> 00:02:43,448
- Deb, do you even realize
how sexist you sound?
68
00:02:43,517 --> 00:02:45,241
Not all girls are like that.
69
00:02:45,310 --> 00:02:46,931
[girls giggling in back]
70
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,241
- I get Cody Simpson,
71
00:02:48,310 --> 00:02:49,448
and you have to
take Harry Styles.
72
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:52,068
- No, no, other way around.
73
00:02:52,137 --> 00:02:54,034
- You were saying?
74
00:02:54,103 --> 00:02:55,551
- You know what?
75
00:02:55,620 --> 00:02:57,172
Today we're sitting
with the girls.
76
00:02:57,241 --> 00:02:58,896
- What--no, no!
77
00:02:58,965 --> 00:03:00,482
It's like "My Little Pony"
banged a Bratz doll back there.
78
00:03:00,551 --> 00:03:02,310
[girls giggling]
- Hey, gals.
79
00:03:02,379 --> 00:03:04,965
all: Hi, Ms. Cannon.
80
00:03:05,034 --> 00:03:06,172
- Hi.
81
00:03:06,241 --> 00:03:09,068
[slow rock music]
82
00:03:09,137 --> 00:03:11,000
- Nancy?
- Nancy?
83
00:03:11,068 --> 00:03:13,586
Isn't Nancy a weird name
for a kid?
84
00:03:13,655 --> 00:03:14,896
I feel like
if you're named Nancy,
85
00:03:14,965 --> 00:03:16,862
you automatically have
two kids and a FUPA.
86
00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:20,275
- [chuckles] Yeah, and you call
boxed wine your "sassy juice."
87
00:03:20,344 --> 00:03:22,068
both: Nancy?
88
00:03:22,137 --> 00:03:25,965
- Ugh, trying to find
a missing child is so hard.
89
00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:27,206
I'm, like, starving.
90
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,965
- Oh, let's swoop by
the teachers' lounge.
91
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,586
I have my ten hardboiled eggs
in there for the week.
92
00:03:30,655 --> 00:03:31,931
You can have them all.
93
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,931
- Ew, I haven't eaten yolk
since the '90s.
94
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,551
If we're gonna find this girl,
we need to carb up.
95
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:37,068
I'll have Meal Chauffeur
deliver us
96
00:03:37,137 --> 00:03:39,827
something from Le Kru'ton.
- What's Le Kru'ton?
97
00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:41,379
- Only the most popular
new salad place
98
00:03:41,448 --> 00:03:42,758
in the Chicagoland area.
99
00:03:42,827 --> 00:03:44,689
They're like the Baskin Robbins
of croutons,
100
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,965
except they have 72 flavors
instead of 31.
101
00:03:48,034 --> 00:03:49,000
And they're croutons.
102
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:50,689
- Oh.
- What do you want?
103
00:03:50,758 --> 00:03:52,068
- I'll have whatever
you're having.
104
00:03:52,137 --> 00:03:54,551
- Two Create Your Own
Kru'ton Combos coming up.
105
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:57,206
- Nancy?
- Can you not?
106
00:03:57,275 --> 00:03:59,862
I'm trying to place
an order here.
107
00:04:01,034 --> 00:04:02,275
There, done.
108
00:04:02,344 --> 00:04:04,413
Karen will be here
in 30 minutes.
109
00:04:04,482 --> 00:04:06,034
Delivery woman?
110
00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:08,344
Damn, Karen.
Resist.
111
00:04:08,413 --> 00:04:10,482
[rock music]
112
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:11,931
- Okay, everybody,
113
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,758
while we're waiting for Nancy,
114
00:04:13,827 --> 00:04:16,206
why don't we all enjoy
a healthy snack?
115
00:04:16,275 --> 00:04:20,241
You know what they say,
an apple a day...
116
00:04:20,310 --> 00:04:21,931
Phil?
117
00:04:22,724 --> 00:04:25,586
Ugh. God, Phil,
throw me a bone here.
118
00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:27,068
- All aboard!
119
00:04:27,137 --> 00:04:30,310
The Braid Train is
leaving Hair Station.
120
00:04:30,379 --> 00:04:33,172
Next stop, Updos!
121
00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:35,655
- So, Mrs. Adler,
what's your husband like?
122
00:04:35,724 --> 00:04:38,034
Is he cute?
- No.
123
00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:43,758
Just kidding.
Yeah, he's cute...
124
00:04:43,827 --> 00:04:45,482
in a Bilbo Baggins kind of way.
125
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:47,689
[girls giggle]
126
00:04:47,758 --> 00:04:49,586
Why do they laugh so much?
127
00:04:49,655 --> 00:04:51,724
- Wanna find out how many
babies you're gonna have?
128
00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:53,344
- I already know. One.
129
00:04:53,413 --> 00:04:55,827
After this, I'm getting
my tubes tied into a bow,
130
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,517
because it's a gift
to never be pregnant again.
131
00:04:58,586 --> 00:05:01,448
[inhales sharply]
Okay, sure!
132
00:05:01,517 --> 00:05:03,172
- Pick a color.
- Black.
133
00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:04,275
- There is no black.
134
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:07,000
- Then I guess I'm out.
135
00:05:07,068 --> 00:05:10,068
- Okay, why don't we play
something different?
136
00:05:10,137 --> 00:05:13,068
- [gasps] Can we give
you guys makeovers?
137
00:05:13,137 --> 00:05:15,896
- Sounds fun!
Right, Deb?
138
00:05:19,482 --> 00:05:21,310
- Sure...
[girls giggle]
139
00:05:21,379 --> 00:05:23,896
Just be gentle.
I use a lot of retinol.
140
00:05:23,965 --> 00:05:25,965
- Ms. Watson?
- Yes, Neil?
141
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,034
- Daniel won't let me
sit next to him.
142
00:05:28,103 --> 00:05:29,965
- Daniel, there is
plenty of room there.
143
00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:32,379
That seat's for two.
- It's already taken.
144
00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:35,103
My best friend, Johnny Ravioli,
is sitting here.
145
00:05:35,172 --> 00:05:38,241
- Is Johnny Ravioli
your imaginary friend?
146
00:05:38,310 --> 00:05:40,241
- No, he's real,
147
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:41,758
and you're disturbing him.
148
00:05:41,827 --> 00:05:43,448
He's trying to read
"Girl on the Train."
149
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:45,931
- [chuckles] Oh, well, I'm very
sorry for disturbing him,
150
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,793
but do you think
you could ask Johnny
151
00:05:47,862 --> 00:05:49,931
to stand in the aisle
so Neil can sit down?
152
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,724
- I can't believe
you're asking him to stand up!
153
00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:55,206
He was here first.
- Well, I am,
154
00:05:55,275 --> 00:05:59,379
so please thank Mr. Ravioli
for understanding.
155
00:05:59,448 --> 00:06:01,275
- What about Johnny's apple?
156
00:06:01,344 --> 00:06:03,068
- Apples are only for
students, Daniel.
157
00:06:03,137 --> 00:06:05,655
- But Johnny Ravioli was
running late this morning
158
00:06:05,724 --> 00:06:08,275
and didn't get to have
his bagel and lox.
159
00:06:08,344 --> 00:06:12,827
- Okay,
Johnny can have one apple.
160
00:06:14,586 --> 00:06:17,586
- Why'd you just touch
Johnny's wiener?
161
00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:19,655
- What?
- You touched his wiener!
162
00:06:19,724 --> 00:06:21,793
- [stammers]
I can assure you, Daniel,
163
00:06:21,862 --> 00:06:24,655
that I did not touch
anybody's wiener.
164
00:06:24,724 --> 00:06:27,862
Uh...sit somewhere else, Neil!
165
00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:29,724
Apple time's over!
166
00:06:31,793 --> 00:06:33,448
[rock music]
167
00:06:33,517 --> 00:06:34,965
- Ta-da! [giggles]
168
00:06:35,034 --> 00:06:37,862
- We look like sex dolls
that got left out in the sun.
169
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,413
- You don't like it?
- Of course she does.
170
00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:43,862
Mrs. Adler just means
the makeup is a little...
171
00:06:43,931 --> 00:06:46,172
Halloweeny.
- I can't wait for Halloween.
172
00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:48,241
I'm gonna be Belle from
"Beauty and the Beast."
173
00:06:48,310 --> 00:06:51,172
- And I'm gonna be Rapunzel!
- And I'm gonna be Snow White!
174
00:06:51,241 --> 00:06:53,896
- You know Snow White was
drugged and assaulted, right?
175
00:06:53,965 --> 00:06:55,172
- Deb!
176
00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:56,620
- And Belle's a clear case
of Stockholm syndrome.
177
00:06:56,689 --> 00:06:58,655
And don't even get me
started on Rapunzel.
178
00:06:58,724 --> 00:07:01,068
It's like if the movie "Room"
were a fairy tale.
179
00:07:01,137 --> 00:07:04,068
- But I love Rapunzel.
- Get serious, Danica.
180
00:07:04,137 --> 00:07:05,896
If someone was
climbing up your hair,
181
00:07:05,965 --> 00:07:08,068
your scalp would rip right off.
182
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,068
- All right, I'm done.
- Wha--what's wrong?
183
00:07:11,137 --> 00:07:13,827
- [sighs] I can't be around
your toxic energy anymore.
184
00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:15,482
You're not even trying!
185
00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:16,827
Little girls aren't
the problem.
186
00:07:16,896 --> 00:07:17,689
You are.
187
00:07:17,758 --> 00:07:19,586
I'm taking a walk.
188
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,931
And you should be terrified
to have a little girl.
189
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,034
She's gonna need
a lot of therapy.
190
00:07:27,103 --> 00:07:28,103
- [scoffs]
191
00:07:29,551 --> 00:07:31,862
♪ ♪
192
00:07:31,931 --> 00:07:34,000
- You never watched
"Rainbow Brite"?
193
00:07:34,068 --> 00:07:35,896
What about "Care Bears"?
- No.
194
00:07:35,965 --> 00:07:37,344
My parents didn't like
that when they did
195
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:39,103
the Care Bear Stare,
they led with their crotch.
196
00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:42,482
- Sometimes I don't know
how to respond to your stories.
197
00:07:42,551 --> 00:07:44,586
Where is Karen?
198
00:07:44,655 --> 00:07:46,379
How hard is it to drive
somewhere with food?
199
00:07:46,448 --> 00:07:48,862
I'm famished.
- Me too.
200
00:07:48,931 --> 00:07:51,482
I'm so hungry, I could eat you!
201
00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:52,862
- We talked about tickling.
202
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:57,034
Oh, my God. [scoffs]
203
00:07:57,103 --> 00:07:59,068
she went to the wrong side
of the building.
204
00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:01,172
There are so many stupid people
in this world.
205
00:08:01,241 --> 00:08:02,758
[scoffs] Why?
206
00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:04,379
- When I see her,
I'm gonna ream her out.
207
00:08:04,448 --> 00:08:05,724
[laughs] Just kidding.
208
00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:07,241
I'm gonna say thank you
and take my bag.
209
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:09,310
Ha! Nancy?
210
00:08:09,379 --> 00:08:10,655
- Nancy?
211
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,344
No? Okay.
212
00:08:12,413 --> 00:08:14,655
- How long does it take
to find a kid?
213
00:08:14,724 --> 00:08:16,413
[children yelling]
214
00:08:16,482 --> 00:08:17,827
Uh, listen up, everyone!
215
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:23,344
I spy, uh, something...red.
216
00:08:23,413 --> 00:08:24,655
- When are we leaving?
217
00:08:24,724 --> 00:08:26,655
- When everyone gets
on the bus, Neil.
218
00:08:26,724 --> 00:08:28,310
- Johnny Ravioli's bored.
219
00:08:28,379 --> 00:08:29,965
- Oh...I'm sorry.
220
00:08:30,034 --> 00:08:32,551
What would Johnny Ravioli
like to do?
221
00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:36,103
- He says it's not his job to
think of things for us to do.
222
00:08:36,172 --> 00:08:38,931
He says if you were
a responsible teacher,
223
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,275
you would've made
a contingency plan.
224
00:08:41,344 --> 00:08:43,965
- Well, tell Johnny Ravioli
thank you for the feedback.
225
00:08:44,034 --> 00:08:47,137
I'll take it
into consideration.
226
00:08:47,206 --> 00:08:49,827
Now, I'm gonna get
more specific.
227
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,931
I spy something autumnal red.
228
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,551
- Johnny says
this game is insipid.
229
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,655
- "Insipid"?
230
00:08:57,724 --> 00:08:59,103
Where did you learn that word?
231
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:02,862
- I didn't.
I don't know that word.
232
00:09:02,931 --> 00:09:06,344
- Okay, everybody,
Quiet Caterpillar.
233
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,379
[shushing]
234
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,793
- Johnny says that's
such a condescending way
235
00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:12,931
to ask children to settle down.
236
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,965
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
237
00:09:15,034 --> 00:09:17,862
He says maybe you should
try to, I don't know,
238
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:21,689
relate to children like
they're actual human beings?
239
00:09:24,448 --> 00:09:26,862
[whistle blows]
240
00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:28,517
- This bus is out of control!
241
00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:31,965
Now, everybody sit down
and shut your mouths!
242
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:35,931
Except Johnny Ravioli,
of course.
243
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,206
He still has to
stand in the aisle.
244
00:09:41,655 --> 00:09:43,448
How do you like them apples?
245
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:44,793
♪ ♪
246
00:09:44,862 --> 00:09:46,137
- I don't understand.
247
00:09:46,206 --> 00:09:47,793
How can the app say
she's on the playground?
248
00:09:47,862 --> 00:09:49,724
We were just there.
- I'm seriously starving.
249
00:09:49,793 --> 00:09:52,379
Like, I could die.
Where is she?
250
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,000
- Are you looking for me?
251
00:09:55,068 --> 00:09:56,620
I'm sorry for
holding everyone up.
252
00:09:56,689 --> 00:09:58,758
- Is your name Karen?
- No.
253
00:09:58,827 --> 00:10:01,000
- Then we're not
looking for you.
254
00:10:02,413 --> 00:10:03,724
- Wait!
255
00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:07,137
[building music]
256
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,620
Have you seen a woman
with a bag of food?
257
00:10:09,689 --> 00:10:11,724
- No?
- [sighs] Rats.
258
00:10:11,793 --> 00:10:13,689
- Mary Louise...
259
00:10:13,758 --> 00:10:15,827
her icon disappeared
off the map.
260
00:10:15,896 --> 00:10:18,620
[ominous music]
261
00:10:18,689 --> 00:10:20,517
She's gone.
262
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:22,758
I'm calling her.
263
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:24,482
It went straight to voicemail!
264
00:10:24,551 --> 00:10:27,793
- Chelsea...Karen's missing.
265
00:10:27,862 --> 00:10:30,310
both: Karen!
266
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,172
[all sobbing]
- Come on, stop crying.
267
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:36,310
I'm sorry I said
that "MASH" game isn't real.
268
00:10:36,379 --> 00:10:37,620
It's just, statistically,
269
00:10:37,689 --> 00:10:39,758
most of you won't ever
live in a mansion.
270
00:10:39,827 --> 00:10:42,620
- So I'll never marry
Cody Simpson?
271
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,000
- You might,
272
00:10:44,068 --> 00:10:45,758
but at that point,
he'll probably be in rehab.
273
00:10:45,827 --> 00:10:47,172
[girls sobbing]
274
00:10:47,241 --> 00:10:50,000
I'm just trying to be
honest with you guys.
275
00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:51,551
Uh, I hate it when adults lie.
276
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:53,931
The truth is, you'll probably
end up settling for a guy
277
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,862
you wouldn't have dreamed
of dating in your 20s.
278
00:10:55,931 --> 00:10:59,137
[girls sobbing]
279
00:11:00,655 --> 00:11:02,965
I'm gonna go wash
this crap off my face.
280
00:11:03,034 --> 00:11:05,448
students: [chanting]
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
281
00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:08,206
- Deb, what are you doing?
282
00:11:08,275 --> 00:11:10,551
students: Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!
283
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:13,137
Okay, we will leave
when they get Nanc--
284
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,482
students: Let's go! Let's go!
285
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:18,068
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
286
00:11:18,137 --> 00:11:21,931
[air horn honks,
students groan]
287
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,827
How dare you throw
an apple core at me!
288
00:11:24,896 --> 00:11:26,137
From here on out,
289
00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:29,206
everybody stays
seated and silent.
290
00:11:29,275 --> 00:11:30,586
Got it?
291
00:11:30,655 --> 00:11:33,310
I can't believe I have to
clean up after you.
292
00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:35,896
[fart noise]
293
00:11:35,965 --> 00:11:39,275
[students laugh]
294
00:11:39,344 --> 00:11:41,724
Who did that?
- Johnny Ravioli.
295
00:11:41,793 --> 00:11:44,241
- Well, it better not
happen again.
296
00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:45,758
I mean it.
297
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,206
[fart noise]
298
00:11:50,275 --> 00:11:52,758
[students laugh]
299
00:11:52,827 --> 00:11:54,517
Okay, that's it.
300
00:11:56,206 --> 00:11:58,448
Listen up, Johnny, I have been
putting up with you all day,
301
00:11:58,517 --> 00:11:59,862
and I am sick of it!
302
00:11:59,931 --> 00:12:02,413
So help me, God,
you better--uh.
303
00:12:02,482 --> 00:12:04,758
Don't you walk away from me,
Johnny Ravioli.
304
00:12:04,827 --> 00:12:06,827
Hey, you can't get off the bus.
305
00:12:06,896 --> 00:12:08,758
Johnny?
- Where's he going?
306
00:12:08,827 --> 00:12:10,827
- I don't know.
307
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,344
[tense music]
308
00:12:12,413 --> 00:12:14,344
Johnny, look out!
There's a car coming!
309
00:12:14,413 --> 00:12:16,793
[all gasp]
310
00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:18,862
[car honking]
No, Johnny, no!
311
00:12:18,931 --> 00:12:21,034
[car crashes]
The car hit him!
312
00:12:21,103 --> 00:12:22,379
[children gasping]
313
00:12:22,448 --> 00:12:25,103
Oh, thank goodness,
he's getting up.
314
00:12:25,172 --> 00:12:27,586
He could still pull through.
315
00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:29,931
Oh, my God! No!
316
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,448
[truck crashes]
A garbage truck hit him!
317
00:12:32,517 --> 00:12:36,241
His intestines are
all wrapped up in the wheel.
318
00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:40,275
Two hit-and-runs.
How could this possibly happen?
319
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:41,724
[students crying]
320
00:12:41,793 --> 00:12:43,620
Johnny's dead!
321
00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:45,103
[chuckling]
322
00:12:45,172 --> 00:12:48,172
[students sobbing]
323
00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:51,827
[somber piano music]
324
00:12:54,689 --> 00:12:58,275
- I came by to see
if you need any help.
325
00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:01,344
- Excuse me!
Have you seen this girl?
326
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:02,689
Ugh.
327
00:13:02,758 --> 00:13:04,206
Hey! You!
328
00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:05,655
Have you seen this woman?
She's missing.
329
00:13:05,724 --> 00:13:08,034
Her name is Karen.
330
00:13:08,103 --> 00:13:09,931
- Maybe we should call
Meal Chauffeur.
331
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,655
- It's no use.
They don't consider her
332
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,482
a missing delivery person until
it's been at least an hour.
333
00:13:13,551 --> 00:13:15,000
- This is crazy.
334
00:13:15,068 --> 00:13:16,172
I mean, it's like
these people don't have
335
00:13:16,241 --> 00:13:17,517
croutons of their own.
336
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:19,689
I mean, what if it was
one of their croutons?
337
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,965
both: Karen!
338
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:25,103
[rock music]
339
00:13:31,655 --> 00:13:33,241
- [grunts]
340
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:37,000
Hello?
341
00:13:38,172 --> 00:13:40,000
Who's in there?
342
00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:42,275
- [quietly] It's Nancy.
343
00:13:42,344 --> 00:13:44,344
- Nancy, we've been
looking for you.
344
00:13:44,413 --> 00:13:47,034
What are you doing
in the faculty bathroom?
345
00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:49,724
- Hiding.
- Why?
346
00:13:49,793 --> 00:13:53,137
- I don't wanna talk about it.
347
00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:55,448
- Can you open the door?
348
00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,655
What's going on?
349
00:13:59,724 --> 00:14:01,724
- I think I pooped my pants...
350
00:14:01,793 --> 00:14:03,551
but in the front.
351
00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:06,827
- Oh, Nancy,
you didn't poop your pants.
352
00:14:06,896 --> 00:14:09,793
You got your period.
353
00:14:09,862 --> 00:14:11,275
And you're in luck,
354
00:14:11,344 --> 00:14:12,793
because if there is
one thing I'm queen of,
355
00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:14,620
it's menstruation.
356
00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:16,137
I know there are better things
to be queen of,
357
00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:18,172
but what I'm saying here is,
358
00:14:18,241 --> 00:14:19,931
I've got your back, girl.
359
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,586
♪ ♪
360
00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:27,068
- I don't wanna have my period.
361
00:14:27,137 --> 00:14:29,103
- Just wait until
you're in your 20s.
362
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,655
You'll thank your lucky stars
every time you get it.
363
00:14:31,724 --> 00:14:33,379
- Why did it have
to come so soon?
364
00:14:33,448 --> 00:14:34,724
I'm nine.
365
00:14:34,793 --> 00:14:36,896
- It's all the hormones
in your milk, kid.
366
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:39,482
Look, I know
it's a little early,
367
00:14:39,551 --> 00:14:41,551
but your body is
starting to mature,
368
00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:43,034
and that's a good thing.
369
00:14:43,103 --> 00:14:45,344
I mean, you're gonna
have to deal with cramps
370
00:14:45,413 --> 00:14:46,620
and lower back pain,
371
00:14:46,689 --> 00:14:49,000
and guys asking you
if you're on your period
372
00:14:49,068 --> 00:14:50,758
just because
you're in a bad mood,
373
00:14:50,827 --> 00:14:53,241
which, by the way, is not okay.
374
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:56,241
But you're also on your way
to becoming a woman.
375
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,206
I mean, you're nine,
so don't take that like,
376
00:14:58,275 --> 00:15:00,965
"Oh, you have to be
a real grown-up" yet,
377
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,000
It's just,
you've joined the club
378
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,586
ahead of a lot of your friends,
379
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,620
and that's kinda rad.
380
00:15:06,689 --> 00:15:10,517
I know this feels really
annoying and gross right now,
381
00:15:10,586 --> 00:15:14,965
but this is a really special
moment in your life.
382
00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:17,034
- Thanks, Mrs. Adler.
383
00:15:17,103 --> 00:15:19,931
I can't believe I got
my first period on a bus.
384
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,724
- Oh, don't feel bad.
385
00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:23,827
I got mind at a Korn concert.
386
00:15:23,896 --> 00:15:26,931
[heavy metal music playing]
387
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,965
- Why is my neck wet?
388
00:15:29,034 --> 00:15:31,068
Why is my neck wet?!
389
00:15:31,137 --> 00:15:34,586
What's on my neck?!
What's on my neck?!
390
00:15:34,655 --> 00:15:38,344
- I think we should have
a celebration.
391
00:15:38,413 --> 00:15:40,275
Hmm?
392
00:15:40,344 --> 00:15:43,517
[soft piano music]
393
00:15:43,586 --> 00:15:45,965
- I'd like to take
a moment of silence
394
00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:49,137
for my dear friend, Johnny.
395
00:15:49,206 --> 00:15:51,931
♪ ♪
396
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,206
- You could've put him in jail.
397
00:15:53,275 --> 00:15:54,482
Why'd you go straight
to murder?
398
00:15:54,551 --> 00:15:56,482
- I don't know, okay?
It was a mistake.
399
00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:58,413
- Thank you.
400
00:15:58,482 --> 00:16:02,103
Jonathan Pumpkin Ravioli died
401
00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:04,896
just shy of his 67th birthday.
402
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,482
- He was a senior citizen?
403
00:16:06,551 --> 00:16:09,241
- He had many occupations
throughout his life:
404
00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:11,448
soldier, small-business owner,
405
00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:14,448
and collector of
antique lighting fixtures.
406
00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:18,206
But his favorite job
was that of a husband
407
00:16:18,275 --> 00:16:21,034
and a father.
408
00:16:21,103 --> 00:16:24,931
He is survived by
his wife of 43 years,
409
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,931
Barbara Ravioli,
410
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,586
and his three children,
411
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,517
Alfredo...
412
00:16:30,586 --> 00:16:33,172
[in Italian accent]
Bolognese...
413
00:16:33,241 --> 00:16:37,448
and Clam Sauce Ravioli...
414
00:16:37,517 --> 00:16:39,448
and his dog...
415
00:16:39,517 --> 00:16:40,724
Three-Cheese.
416
00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:43,137
- I've affected so many lives.
417
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:48,068
♪ ♪
418
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:50,724
[microwave beeps]
419
00:16:54,551 --> 00:16:57,620
- No period pizza party
is complete without...
420
00:16:57,689 --> 00:16:59,551
the pizza.
421
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:00,793
- Thanks, Mrs. Adler.
422
00:17:00,862 --> 00:17:02,965
I had no idea you were so cool.
423
00:17:03,034 --> 00:17:04,689
- Hmm, all it took
was pizza, huh?
424
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,758
- No, it's not that.
425
00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:08,517
I was really freaked out,
426
00:17:08,586 --> 00:17:10,344
and you made me feel
a lot better.
427
00:17:10,413 --> 00:17:12,000
- Aw.
Well, Nancy,
428
00:17:12,068 --> 00:17:13,482
I think you're cool too.
429
00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:15,275
And I actually like
your frilly socks,
430
00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:17,068
which is something new for me.
431
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:19,034
- Do we have to
get back to the bus?
432
00:17:19,103 --> 00:17:20,896
- Mm...they can wait.
433
00:17:20,965 --> 00:17:24,448
Let's play one more game of
Pin the Pad on the Uterus.
434
00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:26,379
Yeah?
- [giggles]
435
00:17:26,448 --> 00:17:28,551
[stirring string music]
436
00:17:28,620 --> 00:17:30,827
♪ ♪
437
00:17:30,896 --> 00:17:33,034
- Okay...
438
00:17:33,103 --> 00:17:35,655
- [giggles]
- There you go.
439
00:17:35,724 --> 00:17:39,620
♪ ♪
440
00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:40,793
[stammers]
441
00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:42,655
[cheers] Oh!
442
00:17:42,724 --> 00:17:48,448
♪ ♪
443
00:17:48,517 --> 00:17:50,551
both: Karen!
444
00:17:52,206 --> 00:17:53,793
- Thank God!
445
00:17:53,862 --> 00:17:57,068
[overjoyed murmuring]
446
00:17:59,206 --> 00:18:01,620
- Uh, yeah, sorry,
the app's a little buggy today.
447
00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:03,620
- Oh, we were worried sick.
- Are you okay?
448
00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:06,586
Did anyone hurt you?
- No.
449
00:18:06,655 --> 00:18:09,862
- Don't you ever scare us
like that again,
450
00:18:09,931 --> 00:18:11,068
do you hear me?
451
00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:12,586
- Now you go back
to Meal Chauffeur
452
00:18:12,655 --> 00:18:14,310
and think about
what you've done, young lady.
453
00:18:14,379 --> 00:18:15,827
And we'll figure out
how we're gonna handle this.
454
00:18:15,896 --> 00:18:17,275
- Okay. Again, I--I'm sorry.
455
00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:19,034
Just please don't Yelp
about this.
456
00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:21,379
- Hmm.
We'll see.
457
00:18:23,344 --> 00:18:24,620
- Utensils?
- Yeah.
458
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:26,551
- Okay, good. Thanks.
- Okay.
459
00:18:29,931 --> 00:18:32,068
- Hey...
460
00:18:32,137 --> 00:18:33,275
I'm sorry I was such a dick.
461
00:18:33,344 --> 00:18:34,586
- And I'm sorry I said
462
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,931
your daughter would need
a lot of therapy.
463
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,620
I think you'll be a great mom.
464
00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:39,068
- I think so too.
465
00:18:39,137 --> 00:18:41,379
And I'm actually really excited
about having a girl.
466
00:18:41,448 --> 00:18:43,034
- What took you so long?
467
00:18:43,103 --> 00:18:46,103
There's been two hit-and-runs,
a death, and a funeral.
468
00:18:46,172 --> 00:18:48,137
- Don't worry, everyone.
We found her.
469
00:18:48,206 --> 00:18:49,793
- No, you didn't.
- Oh, really?
470
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,068
Then how did
we get these, fool?
471
00:18:52,137 --> 00:18:53,724
- What are you talking about?
472
00:18:53,793 --> 00:18:56,758
- What are you talking about?
- Nancy.
473
00:18:56,827 --> 00:18:58,241
- Right...
474
00:18:58,310 --> 00:19:01,206
Nancy, where were you?
We looked everywhere.
475
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:02,379
- But we talked in the hall.
476
00:19:02,448 --> 00:19:03,517
- Bus driver!
477
00:19:03,586 --> 00:19:05,310
We're all here.
Let's go.
478
00:19:06,827 --> 00:19:09,586
[all cheer]
479
00:19:09,655 --> 00:19:11,655
- Oh, my God!
You're gonna hit Johnny!
480
00:19:11,724 --> 00:19:13,689
[tires screech, all scream]
481
00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:15,655
- [grunting]
482
00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:18,137
[groans]
483
00:19:18,206 --> 00:19:21,655
[groaning] Daniel...
484
00:19:21,724 --> 00:19:24,896
Johnny Ravioli's dead,
remember?
485
00:19:24,965 --> 00:19:26,310
- I know.
486
00:19:26,379 --> 00:19:28,793
It was his ghost.
487
00:19:28,862 --> 00:19:30,793
Now he's immortal.
488
00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,793
[dramatic music]
489
00:19:33,862 --> 00:19:35,620
♪ ♪
490
00:19:38,482 --> 00:19:39,724
- Very well behaved at
the planetarium, everyone.
491
00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:42,068
- Guys, I don't
wanna do--[groans]
492
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,931
Mrs. Adler?
- Yeah?
493
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,724
- I've been elected
to talk to you
494
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:49,344
on behalf of the boys
of Fillmore Elementary.
495
00:19:50,517 --> 00:19:52,068
- Okay.
- We've been made aware
496
00:19:52,137 --> 00:19:55,413
that you throw girls parties
when they get their periods.
497
00:19:55,482 --> 00:19:58,931
Boys don't have periods,
so what do we get?
498
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,413
- Entitlement.
499
00:20:01,482 --> 00:20:04,000
Did I stutter?
Good-bye.
500
00:20:04,068 --> 00:20:07,551
[rock music]
501
00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:10,034
Great sweater.
35232
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