All language subtitles for Teachers (2016) S03E02 All by Myselfie 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 2 0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,482 [school bell rings] 2 00:00:08,482 --> 00:00:11,068 ["I'm a Psycho" by Clooney playing] 3 00:00:11,068 --> 00:00:13,793 - ♪ I'm a psycho I do what I like, oh ♪ 4 00:00:13,793 --> 00:00:15,482 ♪ I got one loose screw 5 00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:18,172 ♪ Better watch your back 6 00:00:18,172 --> 00:00:20,172 ♪ I'm a psycho and you can't deny, no ♪ 7 00:00:20,172 --> 00:00:22,310 ♪ I'm as crazy as a daisy and you're under attack ♪ 8 00:00:22,310 --> 00:00:23,448 - Whoo! 9 00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:25,827 - ♪ Yeah, I'm a psycho 10 00:00:25,827 --> 00:00:28,241 ♪ I'm a psycho 11 00:00:28,241 --> 00:00:31,448 ♪ 12 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,620 - I know, I'm late. 13 00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:34,586 Traffic was ter-ri-ble. 14 00:00:34,586 --> 00:00:37,137 - I just watched you take selfies for 25 minutes. 15 00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,758 You even did an outfit change. 16 00:00:38,758 --> 00:00:40,241 - I wasn't gonna wear a yellow dress 17 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,482 on a yellow slide. 18 00:00:41,482 --> 00:00:43,310 Fashion 101, Mavis. 19 00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,931 [rock music] 20 00:00:45,931 --> 00:00:47,724 - ♪ Teacher 21 00:00:47,724 --> 00:00:49,931 ♪ Oh 22 00:00:49,931 --> 00:00:51,068 - How you feeling, Deb? 23 00:00:51,068 --> 00:00:53,586 - I'm bloated, gassy, 24 00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:55,620 and my feet are so swollen, 25 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:58,206 I actually burst through a pair of Crocs, 26 00:00:58,206 --> 00:00:59,586 and with Damien on tour, 27 00:00:59,586 --> 00:01:01,827 I have no one to blame my bad moods on, 28 00:01:01,827 --> 00:01:04,379 so overall, I'd say "not good." 29 00:01:04,379 --> 00:01:05,965 - Good morning, ladies. 30 00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:07,551 I am stoked like a fire 31 00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:08,965 to sub for Ms. Feldman. 32 00:01:08,965 --> 00:01:12,241 After working in administration for 15 years, 33 00:01:12,241 --> 00:01:14,586 I'm thrilled to be teaching again! 34 00:01:14,586 --> 00:01:16,655 It's as if Beyoncé went back 35 00:01:16,655 --> 00:01:20,000 and did another record with Destiny's Child. 36 00:01:22,724 --> 00:01:24,551 Oh, Mrs. Adler, 37 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:27,310 I noticed that you didn't put your back-to-school board 38 00:01:27,310 --> 00:01:28,655 up in the hallway. 39 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:31,172 Let's try to get that hung by this afternoon. 40 00:01:31,172 --> 00:01:32,620 - What are you doing? 41 00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:34,068 - Toby... 42 00:01:34,068 --> 00:01:35,896 - Right. 43 00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:37,517 Not my place. 44 00:01:37,517 --> 00:01:40,965 I'm not the principal anymore. 45 00:01:40,965 --> 00:01:43,586 Although it would be nice if you could put it up. 46 00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:47,206 Consider my lippers zippered. 47 00:01:47,206 --> 00:01:48,517 I'm just a teacher. 48 00:01:48,517 --> 00:01:50,241 - No, you're not. 49 00:01:50,241 --> 00:01:51,275 You're a sub. 50 00:01:51,275 --> 00:01:52,586 - Okay. 51 00:01:52,586 --> 00:01:54,689 - What up, hotties? Toby. 52 00:01:54,689 --> 00:01:56,517 Apparently, we have to implement 53 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,241 this new online grading system, 54 00:01:58,241 --> 00:01:59,827 but I don't know how it works, 55 00:01:59,827 --> 00:02:01,482 why we're doing it, or who it's for, 56 00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:03,586 so... someone should get on that. 57 00:02:03,586 --> 00:02:06,275 We cool? - Thank you for that 58 00:02:06,275 --> 00:02:10,862 very helpful information, Brent. 59 00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:12,517 I know this job 60 00:02:12,517 --> 00:02:15,103 can be overwhelming and stressful, 61 00:02:15,103 --> 00:02:16,482 so please know 62 00:02:16,482 --> 00:02:18,379 that my door is always open. 63 00:02:18,379 --> 00:02:21,275 - You drive a purple Celica, right? 64 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,034 - It's amethyst, but yeah. 65 00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:24,620 - You parked in the faculty lot. 66 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:26,620 See, subs park on the street. 67 00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:27,655 - Well... [laughs] 68 00:02:27,655 --> 00:02:29,482 I'm not your average sub. 69 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,931 - You're right. You're way older. 70 00:02:30,931 --> 00:02:32,862 Well, you might want to get out there ASAP. 71 00:02:32,862 --> 00:02:34,931 I hear Mavis is itching to get another car towed. 72 00:02:34,931 --> 00:02:38,206 [chuckles] - Oh, for the love of Miami! 73 00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:40,172 [rock music] 74 00:02:40,172 --> 00:02:42,068 - Gary Yupo. 75 00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:43,206 - Here. 76 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,689 - And Ron Zimmerman? 77 00:02:44,689 --> 00:02:47,000 - Here. I have a peanut allergy. 78 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,724 My mom says if I have any, 79 00:02:48,724 --> 00:02:51,413 I'll die, and it'll be your fault. 80 00:02:51,413 --> 00:02:52,620 - Okay. 81 00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:53,827 Thank you, Ron. 82 00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:55,068 I will... 83 00:02:55,068 --> 00:02:57,000 certainly keep that in mind. 84 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,793 And now let's find out what we're doing today. 85 00:03:00,793 --> 00:03:04,827 Uh-huh. 86 00:03:04,827 --> 00:03:07,172 [ominous rushing sound] 87 00:03:07,172 --> 00:03:10,172 Uh-oh. 88 00:03:10,172 --> 00:03:11,517 Care Bear. 89 00:03:11,517 --> 00:03:12,931 Do you know Ms. Feldman 90 00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:15,068 kept her substitute lesson plan? 91 00:03:15,068 --> 00:03:16,931 - No. 92 00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:18,931 - Okay. 93 00:03:18,931 --> 00:03:21,896 She didn't seem to leave any. 94 00:03:21,896 --> 00:03:24,620 - [quietly] Toby, we promised each other 95 00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:26,275 that we wouldn't let our personal relationship 96 00:03:26,275 --> 00:03:27,517 affect our work. 97 00:03:27,517 --> 00:03:28,482 We have to treat each other 98 00:03:28,482 --> 00:03:29,758 as if we aren't... 99 00:03:29,758 --> 00:03:32,172 romantically entangled. 100 00:03:32,172 --> 00:03:33,620 Agreed? - Agreed. 101 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:35,482 You should treat me like every other sub. 102 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:36,896 - [forcefully] Then take off, loser. 103 00:03:36,896 --> 00:03:38,413 - What? - [quietly] As your girlfriend, 104 00:03:38,413 --> 00:03:40,724 I really want to empathize and help you, 105 00:03:40,724 --> 00:03:43,275 but as a teacher talking to a sub, 106 00:03:43,275 --> 00:03:47,482 I think you're garbage. 107 00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:49,344 - When does my class have art? 108 00:03:49,344 --> 00:03:50,827 - You're a sub, Toby. 109 00:03:50,827 --> 00:03:52,344 Put on "The Adventures of Milo and Otis" 110 00:03:52,344 --> 00:03:54,103 and call it a day. 111 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:55,551 - How long is recess? 112 00:03:55,551 --> 00:03:57,931 The kids are saying upwards of two hours. 113 00:03:57,931 --> 00:04:01,068 Janelle will only answer my questions in Pig Latin. 114 00:04:01,068 --> 00:04:02,793 Do you have any Febreze? 115 00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:05,344 Cody B. will not stop passing gas. 116 00:04:05,344 --> 00:04:07,379 - You want me to stick my hand up your ass 117 00:04:07,379 --> 00:04:10,310 [yelling] like a puppet and do your job for you? 118 00:04:10,310 --> 00:04:13,517 [rock music] 119 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,862 - 28 weeks. - I'm sorry? 120 00:04:16,862 --> 00:04:18,689 - You're about 28 weeks along, right? 121 00:04:18,689 --> 00:04:20,137 - Yeah, you nailed it. 122 00:04:20,137 --> 00:04:22,551 - So excited. We're having a baby! 123 00:04:22,551 --> 00:04:24,758 - Well, I'm the one having the baby, Raymond, 124 00:04:24,758 --> 00:04:27,034 but I appreciate your enthusiasm. 125 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,793 - Have you read "Whoa, Baby! I'm Pregnant!"? 126 00:04:28,793 --> 00:04:30,862 - Nope, haven't gotten to that one. 127 00:04:30,862 --> 00:04:32,517 - I really think you'd like it. 128 00:04:32,517 --> 00:04:34,724 It's an irreverent look at what's going on inside you, 129 00:04:34,724 --> 00:04:36,482 told from a woman's perspective. 130 00:04:36,482 --> 00:04:39,172 - Okay... I'll check that out. 131 00:04:39,172 --> 00:04:41,517 I have plenty of time, since I don't sleep anymore. 132 00:04:41,517 --> 00:04:42,965 - You can't tell. 133 00:04:42,965 --> 00:04:46,275 The hormones are making your skin luminous. 134 00:04:46,275 --> 00:04:47,379 - Oh. 135 00:04:47,379 --> 00:04:49,206 Thank you, Raymond. 136 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:51,827 - I think pregnant women are stunning. 137 00:04:51,827 --> 00:04:55,034 [quiet piano music] 138 00:04:55,034 --> 00:04:57,000 ♪ 139 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,103 [rock music] 140 00:04:59,103 --> 00:05:03,275 - [crying] 141 00:05:03,275 --> 00:05:04,517 [dramatic sigh] 142 00:05:04,517 --> 00:05:05,862 - Oh, no, Chelsea, 143 00:05:05,862 --> 00:05:08,034 did Tom Hardy block you on Twitter again? 144 00:05:08,034 --> 00:05:09,103 - No. 145 00:05:09,103 --> 00:05:10,482 I just found out my sorority sister, 146 00:05:10,482 --> 00:05:12,275 Kimi McKay, died! 147 00:05:12,275 --> 00:05:13,689 - Oh, no! Chelsea! 148 00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,758 - What happened? - Was she sick? 149 00:05:15,758 --> 00:05:18,206 - She fell off a cliff while taking a selfie. 150 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,586 She was such a beautiful person. 151 00:05:22,586 --> 00:05:24,551 These are her last posts. 152 00:05:26,862 --> 00:05:30,482 She loved hiking in a halter. 153 00:05:30,482 --> 00:05:31,827 Oh. 154 00:05:31,827 --> 00:05:33,137 She must have uploaded this last one 155 00:05:33,137 --> 00:05:36,482 before she hit the rocky seashore. 156 00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:37,896 I want to honor Kimi. 157 00:05:37,896 --> 00:05:39,482 I'm holding a memorial service 158 00:05:39,482 --> 00:05:41,551 before school tomorrow. 159 00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:43,034 I expect you all to be there. 160 00:05:43,034 --> 00:05:45,137 - But we didn't even know this woman. 161 00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:48,379 - Yeah, wouldn't you rather be with people who knew her? 162 00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:49,793 - Hell, no. You think I want 163 00:05:49,793 --> 00:05:51,827 my sorority sisters to see me ugly cry? 164 00:05:51,827 --> 00:05:54,482 I get Claire Danes' bipolar quiver-mouth. 165 00:05:54,482 --> 00:05:56,551 [sighs] Oh, Kimi! 166 00:05:58,241 --> 00:06:00,620 [whimpers] 167 00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:04,137 - It's been a long day. [grunts] 168 00:06:04,137 --> 00:06:07,034 And we just have a little bit of time left. 169 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,034 What do you say we play a game? 170 00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:10,827 - Let's play "Stare and Scream." 171 00:06:10,827 --> 00:06:12,448 - How does that go? 172 00:06:12,448 --> 00:06:13,931 - You just run around the room, and then every time 173 00:06:13,931 --> 00:06:15,620 you make eye contact with someone, 174 00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:16,862 you scream as loud as you can. 175 00:06:16,862 --> 00:06:18,586 - That sounds cognitive. 176 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:22,896 [all screaming] 177 00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:24,172 - What's happening? 178 00:06:24,172 --> 00:06:25,517 - Is it another rat? 179 00:06:25,517 --> 00:06:27,413 - We're playing "Stare and Scream." 180 00:06:27,413 --> 00:06:28,931 It's their favorite game. 181 00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:33,793 It's not a game, is it? 182 00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:37,758 - [yelling] There's no rat! 183 00:06:40,344 --> 00:06:42,068 - Uncool, Greg. 184 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,206 Very uncool. 185 00:06:44,206 --> 00:06:47,827 [rock music] 186 00:06:49,758 --> 00:06:52,620 - This bush you bought looks dead. 187 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,206 I'm gonna have to buy a memorial bush 188 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,931 for the memorial bush. 189 00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,586 We are gathered here today 190 00:07:04,586 --> 00:07:05,586 to celebrate the life 191 00:07:05,586 --> 00:07:06,793 of my beautiful friend, 192 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,206 Kimi McKay. 193 00:07:08,206 --> 00:07:09,655 Let's all go around and say something 194 00:07:09,655 --> 00:07:11,000 we loved about Kimi. 195 00:07:12,137 --> 00:07:14,965 - Okay, again, Chelsea, we didn't know her. 196 00:07:14,965 --> 00:07:16,241 - [scoffs] As always, 197 00:07:16,241 --> 00:07:18,206 I have to do everything around here. 198 00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:21,724 Kimi was kind. 199 00:07:21,724 --> 00:07:23,310 I remember during pledge week, 200 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,413 when they ripped off my clothes and sprayed me with urine, 201 00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:27,448 Kimi handed me a towel and said, 202 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,724 "That'll do, pig. That'll do." 203 00:07:29,724 --> 00:07:31,034 [mournful piano music] 204 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,655 I can't believe she was killed by a selfie! 205 00:07:33,655 --> 00:07:35,931 - She wasn't killed by a selfie. 206 00:07:35,931 --> 00:07:38,103 She took a duck-face photo next to a sign that said 207 00:07:38,103 --> 00:07:40,482 "Dangerous Cliffs Keep Off." 208 00:07:40,482 --> 00:07:42,000 She was killed by illiteracy. 209 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,344 - Don't you dare death-shame Kimi! 210 00:07:44,344 --> 00:07:46,103 Selfies kill! 211 00:07:46,103 --> 00:07:47,241 [cries] 212 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,379 - Ms. Chelsea has requested 213 00:07:50,379 --> 00:07:52,655 that you join her in the teachers' lounge 214 00:07:52,655 --> 00:07:54,758 for some light refreshments. 215 00:07:54,758 --> 00:08:00,172 ♪ 216 00:08:00,172 --> 00:08:02,310 - [sighing] Oh. 217 00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:03,689 - You look rough. 218 00:08:03,689 --> 00:08:05,379 - Oh. 219 00:08:05,379 --> 00:08:08,827 I forgot how exhausting teaching is. 220 00:08:08,827 --> 00:08:10,310 This is probably TMI, 221 00:08:10,310 --> 00:08:11,517 but yesterday, 222 00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:14,206 I couldn't even find time to relieve myself. 223 00:08:14,206 --> 00:08:17,310 I had to hold it until 3:00 p.m. 224 00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:18,931 - You didn't pee all day? 225 00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,896 - I couldn't abandon my class. 226 00:08:20,896 --> 00:08:22,827 - Insider's tip: 227 00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:24,724 wear an adult diaper. 228 00:08:26,137 --> 00:08:27,034 - Excuse me? 229 00:08:27,034 --> 00:08:29,344 - We all wear diapers. 230 00:08:29,344 --> 00:08:31,000 Right, guys? 231 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,206 [mischievous music] 232 00:08:34,206 --> 00:08:35,931 - Totally. 233 00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:37,862 I cut mine in the back so it looks like a thong. 234 00:08:37,862 --> 00:08:39,827 That way, I still feel sexy, 235 00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:42,689 even when I'm going on myself. 236 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,482 - I find them liberating. 237 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:45,724 - Caroline? 238 00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:48,517 I've never felt, you know... 239 00:08:48,517 --> 00:08:51,103 - [whispering] I take it off when I see you. 240 00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:53,206 I want you to find me attractive. 241 00:08:53,206 --> 00:08:54,206 - Mm. 242 00:08:55,379 --> 00:08:56,517 - Do you have it on now? 243 00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:57,965 - Mm-hm. 244 00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:01,000 - [sighs] And when it comes 245 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,620 to taking a shower, it's all guesswork. 246 00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,827 There are parts of my body that have been obstructed 247 00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:07,482 by my belly for months. 248 00:09:08,655 --> 00:09:11,551 Thanks again for skipping recess to talk to me. 249 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,758 - Girlfriend, please. 250 00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:13,862 What am I gonna do, 251 00:09:13,862 --> 00:09:15,310 swing on the monkey bars? 252 00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:17,206 - Seriously. 253 00:09:17,206 --> 00:09:18,482 Mm. 254 00:09:18,482 --> 00:09:19,689 This body pillow you got me 255 00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:20,758 is heaven. 256 00:09:20,758 --> 00:09:22,310 - Right? 257 00:09:22,310 --> 00:09:24,862 Someone's going to have some warm tootsies 258 00:09:24,862 --> 00:09:26,551 when they come out. 259 00:09:26,551 --> 00:09:28,206 [rock music] 260 00:09:28,206 --> 00:09:31,413 [synthetic rustling noise] 261 00:09:32,068 --> 00:09:34,586 Put on your thinking caps and buckle up, 262 00:09:34,586 --> 00:09:36,206 because we're about to travel 263 00:09:36,206 --> 00:09:40,034 to the land of adjectives! 264 00:09:40,034 --> 00:09:41,862 [squelching noise] 265 00:09:41,862 --> 00:09:44,862 [rock music] 266 00:09:44,862 --> 00:09:45,931 [squelching sound] 267 00:09:45,931 --> 00:09:47,482 Hello, ladies. 268 00:09:53,068 --> 00:09:55,206 [sighs] 269 00:09:55,206 --> 00:09:56,793 - [quietly] Did he just-- - Oh, yeah. 270 00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:59,689 He went potty. 271 00:09:59,689 --> 00:10:05,206 ♪ 272 00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:07,517 - Toby. 273 00:10:07,517 --> 00:10:09,206 Are you wearing a diaper? 274 00:10:09,896 --> 00:10:11,620 - [quietly] Yes, I am. 275 00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:12,827 All teachers wear them. 276 00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:14,344 It's a trick of the trade. 277 00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:15,137 - Who told you that? 278 00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:16,586 - The other teachers. 279 00:10:16,586 --> 00:10:18,137 They wear diapers every day. 280 00:10:18,137 --> 00:10:19,586 - Chelsea's dresses are so tight, 281 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:22,793 she can't even wear underwear, let alone a diaper. 282 00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:26,862 You went on yourself like a damn baby. 283 00:10:26,862 --> 00:10:29,655 - I hereby open this meeting of the Local School Council 284 00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:31,172 to new business. 285 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,310 - I have an issue that needs immediate attention. 286 00:10:33,310 --> 00:10:36,137 People are being murdered by selfies. 287 00:10:36,137 --> 00:10:37,379 - What? 288 00:10:37,379 --> 00:10:38,517 - I know, Gina. 289 00:10:38,517 --> 00:10:40,000 I was shocked, too. 290 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,655 My friend Kimi tragically died 291 00:10:41,655 --> 00:10:44,931 when she fell off a cliff while taking a selfie. 292 00:10:44,931 --> 00:10:46,931 I propose we create training courses 293 00:10:46,931 --> 00:10:49,137 on how to take a selfie without killing yourself. 294 00:10:49,137 --> 00:10:52,310 Also, I mocked up these posters to raise awareness. 295 00:10:53,724 --> 00:10:55,206 - Okay, we're done here. 296 00:10:55,206 --> 00:10:57,275 - We're not even gonna vote? 297 00:10:57,275 --> 00:11:00,551 Who are you, white women on November 8, 2016? 298 00:11:00,551 --> 00:11:02,206 - Fine. This'll be quick. 299 00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:03,448 All those against everything 300 00:11:03,448 --> 00:11:04,931 about Chelsea's idiotic proposal, 301 00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:05,931 say "aye." 302 00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:07,172 all: Aye. 303 00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:09,793 - This is real, you dumbasses! 304 00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,103 My friend died-uh. [dramatic sigh] 305 00:11:12,103 --> 00:11:14,000 Kimi, give me strength. 306 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,206 [rock music] 307 00:11:17,896 --> 00:11:19,103 - Hello? 308 00:11:19,103 --> 00:11:20,896 - Toby Wan Kenobi! What up? 309 00:11:20,896 --> 00:11:22,482 Come on in, man. Pop a squat. 310 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,862 Sweet sweater, dude. 311 00:11:23,862 --> 00:11:25,551 - I just wanted to make sure 312 00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:26,758 that you're feeling okay 313 00:11:26,758 --> 00:11:28,275 in your new position. 314 00:11:28,275 --> 00:11:29,448 - Mm. 315 00:11:29,448 --> 00:11:30,965 - I know transitions 316 00:11:30,965 --> 00:11:32,758 can be difficult. 317 00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:34,275 Sometimes, you think you know 318 00:11:34,275 --> 00:11:36,310 what you're getting yourself into, 319 00:11:36,310 --> 00:11:39,137 and then the reality of the job is... 320 00:11:39,137 --> 00:11:41,896 - I... think I'm... fine. 321 00:11:41,896 --> 00:11:44,034 - It can make you wonder, 322 00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:45,931 "Do I know what I'm doing?" 323 00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:49,275 "Why won't anyone take me seriously?" 324 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:52,310 and "How many people saw me urinate on myself?" 325 00:11:52,965 --> 00:11:54,689 It's not your fault that you trust people 326 00:11:54,689 --> 00:11:57,344 and assume that they're telling you the truth. 327 00:11:57,344 --> 00:11:59,310 You're doing the best you can. 328 00:11:59,310 --> 00:12:01,379 - Hey, Toby, 329 00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:03,482 do you need to talk to the counselor? 330 00:12:03,482 --> 00:12:05,000 - No. 331 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,551 We're talking about you. 332 00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,413 - Okay, um, 333 00:12:08,413 --> 00:12:10,862 well, just in case we're talking about you, 334 00:12:10,862 --> 00:12:12,482 you're a sub, okay? 335 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,620 Your only job is to keep these kids alive, 336 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,965 so why don't you go ahead and pop on "Milo and Otis" 337 00:12:16,965 --> 00:12:18,517 and call it a diz-ay. 338 00:12:18,517 --> 00:12:19,827 Kn'I mean? [laughs] 339 00:12:19,827 --> 00:12:21,689 Hey, check this out. 340 00:12:21,689 --> 00:12:22,965 [clicks] 341 00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,931 [laughs] Cool, right? 342 00:12:24,931 --> 00:12:27,586 [imitates engine revving] 343 00:12:27,586 --> 00:12:28,827 Boom! 344 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:32,137 - Just run the cocoa butter in a circular motion. 345 00:12:32,137 --> 00:12:34,172 - And this helps prevent stretch marks? 346 00:12:34,172 --> 00:12:36,103 - You call them stretch marks. 347 00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:38,862 I call them tiger stripes. 348 00:12:38,862 --> 00:12:40,379 [growls] - [laughs] 349 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:47,965 - What's going on here? 350 00:12:47,965 --> 00:12:49,206 - Raymond's just showing me how to avoid 351 00:12:49,206 --> 00:12:51,655 getting any more stretch marks. 352 00:12:51,655 --> 00:12:52,896 - Can I talk to you for a sec? 353 00:12:54,517 --> 00:12:56,000 - Allow me. 354 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,655 - Thank you. 355 00:12:57,655 --> 00:13:00,379 - Deb, don't you think this is a little inappropriate? 356 00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:03,172 - No, he's just giving me the support I need. 357 00:13:03,172 --> 00:13:05,103 - But he's ten years old. 358 00:13:06,103 --> 00:13:07,379 What's this? 359 00:13:07,379 --> 00:13:08,965 - Oh, Raymond got it for me. 360 00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:10,620 It's a maternity negligee. 361 00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:15,586 Oh. 362 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,000 Okay, I'll... 363 00:13:21,724 --> 00:13:23,172 Yeah, I'll talk to him. 364 00:13:23,172 --> 00:13:26,965 [children screaming] 365 00:13:26,965 --> 00:13:28,793 - Everyone! 366 00:13:28,793 --> 00:13:30,689 Please take your seats! 367 00:13:30,689 --> 00:13:33,103 [children yelling] 368 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,862 We're gonna watch "Milo and Otis." 369 00:13:35,862 --> 00:13:37,517 Peanuts? 370 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,482 [gasps] No. 371 00:13:39,482 --> 00:13:40,586 No! 372 00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:41,896 [dramatic music] 373 00:13:41,896 --> 00:13:43,482 No! 374 00:13:43,482 --> 00:13:44,862 Don't worry, Ron! 375 00:13:44,862 --> 00:13:46,517 I'll save you! 376 00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:48,758 ♪ 377 00:13:48,758 --> 00:13:49,965 - Ow! 378 00:13:49,965 --> 00:13:51,827 What are you doing? I'm not Ron! 379 00:13:51,827 --> 00:13:53,103 - I'm Ron! 380 00:13:53,103 --> 00:13:55,517 ♪ 381 00:13:55,517 --> 00:13:58,448 - Ow, stop! I'm not Ron, either! 382 00:13:58,448 --> 00:14:00,827 ♪ 383 00:14:00,827 --> 00:14:02,310 - Why did you do that? 384 00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:04,793 - The peanuts, Ron! There are peanuts on your desk! 385 00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:06,655 - Those are not mine! 386 00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:07,862 - What? 387 00:14:07,862 --> 00:14:10,000 - [laughs] I put those peanuts there. 388 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,068 I knew you'd tweak, sucker! 389 00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:18,448 [laughter] 390 00:14:18,448 --> 00:14:19,827 - Oh! 391 00:14:19,827 --> 00:14:22,172 [dramatic music] 392 00:14:22,172 --> 00:14:24,793 - Okay, keep the line moving. [gasps] 393 00:14:24,793 --> 00:14:26,379 Ooh, Frank, say hi to your dad for me. 394 00:14:26,379 --> 00:14:27,862 Your parents are still having trouble, right? 395 00:14:27,862 --> 00:14:29,344 [laughs] 396 00:14:31,862 --> 00:14:33,689 Oh, my God. 397 00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:35,827 There's a child on the roof, 398 00:14:35,827 --> 00:14:37,758 taking a selfie! 399 00:14:37,758 --> 00:14:40,758 [dramatic music] 400 00:14:40,758 --> 00:14:42,931 ♪ 401 00:14:42,931 --> 00:14:44,413 [mechanical whirring] 402 00:14:46,862 --> 00:14:48,517 - [screams] 403 00:14:48,517 --> 00:14:53,034 - [quavers] 404 00:14:54,517 --> 00:14:56,931 And that's how you go from Instagram 405 00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:58,551 to insta-dead. 406 00:15:02,413 --> 00:15:04,034 Please give a round of applause 407 00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:06,758 to Gogo and Antonio Fernandez 408 00:15:06,758 --> 00:15:09,241 of the Hernandez Brothers Circus! 409 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,827 [mournful brass music] 410 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,655 Parents of Fillmore, 411 00:15:12,655 --> 00:15:14,655 what you just witnessed wasn't real, 412 00:15:14,655 --> 00:15:15,965 but it could be, 413 00:15:15,965 --> 00:15:19,034 because selfies are dangerous. 414 00:15:19,034 --> 00:15:21,896 Please, join me and take action 415 00:15:21,896 --> 00:15:25,137 so your children don't get ground up in a wood chipper! 416 00:15:25,137 --> 00:15:26,896 - Damn it! 417 00:15:26,896 --> 00:15:28,482 You guys are killing me today. 418 00:15:28,482 --> 00:15:30,448 Normally, I would think that crazy chicks are hot, 419 00:15:30,448 --> 00:15:32,724 but this is just nuts, Chels! 420 00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:35,551 - I am tired of being ignored, and I had to make a point. 421 00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:36,931 Selfies are dangerous 422 00:15:36,931 --> 00:15:38,241 and distracting. 423 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,034 We should just ban them altogether! 424 00:15:40,034 --> 00:15:42,206 Girls today objectify themselves 425 00:15:42,206 --> 00:15:43,413 and then, they post the photos online 426 00:15:43,413 --> 00:15:45,241 for everyone else to objectify them! 427 00:15:45,241 --> 00:15:47,137 Their entire self-worth is based 428 00:15:47,137 --> 00:15:49,206 on the comments on their Instagram, 429 00:15:49,206 --> 00:15:51,206 and instead of learning how to be men, 430 00:15:51,206 --> 00:15:53,413 boys are learning how to take dick pics! 431 00:15:53,413 --> 00:15:56,344 That isn't communication. That's assault! 432 00:15:56,344 --> 00:15:58,827 These kids are disconnected from each other, 433 00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,137 they're disconnected from us-- 434 00:16:00,137 --> 00:16:01,931 oh, my God. 435 00:16:01,931 --> 00:16:03,344 We shouldn't ban selfies. 436 00:16:03,344 --> 00:16:04,689 [rousing music] 437 00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,482 We should ban cell phones. 438 00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:07,586 [gasps] 439 00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:09,137 [excited laugh] 440 00:16:09,758 --> 00:16:11,793 all: Aye. 441 00:16:11,793 --> 00:16:13,344 - Congratulations, Chelsea, 442 00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:14,827 Your motion to ban cell phones in the classroom 443 00:16:14,827 --> 00:16:17,586 during school hours has officially passed. 444 00:16:17,586 --> 00:16:20,586 - Thank you. My friend did not die in vain. 445 00:16:20,586 --> 00:16:23,551 This award is a huge honor. - It's not an award. 446 00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:25,000 - Well, it's still a huge honor. 447 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,068 - Not an honor. 448 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,448 - Okay, well, I won. 449 00:16:27,448 --> 00:16:29,517 - Raymond, I appreciate your support, 450 00:16:29,517 --> 00:16:32,413 but we need to take a break from the pregnancy stuff. 451 00:16:32,413 --> 00:16:34,137 - Did I do something wrong? 452 00:16:34,137 --> 00:16:35,586 - You're young. 453 00:16:35,586 --> 00:16:37,241 You should be out playing with the other kids, 454 00:16:37,241 --> 00:16:38,379 not worrying about me. 455 00:16:38,379 --> 00:16:40,034 - But what about Miles? 456 00:16:40,034 --> 00:16:41,034 - Who's Miles? 457 00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:42,413 - The baby. 458 00:16:42,413 --> 00:16:43,517 I named him. 459 00:16:43,517 --> 00:16:44,724 - Okay, weird. 460 00:16:44,724 --> 00:16:45,724 This is done. 461 00:16:45,724 --> 00:16:46,896 Go hit the monkey bars. 462 00:16:46,896 --> 00:16:48,517 - Kimi, 463 00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:49,965 if you could see what I accomplished this week, 464 00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,586 you would be so proud. 465 00:16:51,586 --> 00:16:52,620 [tender music] 466 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,275 Do you know what this reminds me of? 467 00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:55,551 That pledge week when you wouldn't let me 468 00:16:55,551 --> 00:16:57,034 call an ambulance when Jenna Phillips 469 00:16:57,034 --> 00:16:58,206 almost choked to death 470 00:16:58,206 --> 00:17:00,172 deep-throating a butternut squash, 471 00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:02,310 but I did the right thing, and called 911 472 00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:04,586 so I wouldn't get in trouble. 473 00:17:04,586 --> 00:17:06,620 It's so sad that Jenna died later that year 474 00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:08,862 deep-throating a butternut squash. 475 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,448 Anyway, love you, girl. 476 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,517 - Congratulations on your LSC win, Chelsea. 477 00:17:13,517 --> 00:17:14,931 - Yeah, now those little turds 478 00:17:14,931 --> 00:17:17,103 can't bring their porn portals to class anymore. 479 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,413 - Thank you. 480 00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:19,793 Kimi's death has made me realize 481 00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:21,206 that life is short. 482 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,172 Before I die young and beautiful, I want 483 00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:25,068 to do something meaningful with my life. 484 00:17:25,068 --> 00:17:27,068 I'm going to become a new Chelsea 485 00:17:27,068 --> 00:17:29,068 for my best friend, 486 00:17:29,068 --> 00:17:30,413 Kimi. 487 00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:32,310 - Oh, no. Toby! 488 00:17:33,275 --> 00:17:34,793 - Okay, it is equal parts 489 00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:36,034 sad and embarrassing 490 00:17:36,034 --> 00:17:37,620 that you bang that, Caroline. 491 00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:39,620 ♪ 492 00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:41,172 ...Would've said the old Chelsea. 493 00:17:41,172 --> 00:17:42,241 - Should've never tricked him 494 00:17:42,241 --> 00:17:44,689 into wearing a diaper. 495 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,034 - You're right. 496 00:17:46,034 --> 00:17:47,620 We should help him. 497 00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:52,793 ♪ 498 00:17:52,793 --> 00:17:54,896 [dramatic music] 499 00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:56,586 - Please don't kill me! 500 00:17:56,586 --> 00:17:58,551 I haven't designated in my will 501 00:17:58,551 --> 00:18:01,241 who gets my infinity scarf collection. 502 00:18:01,241 --> 00:18:03,586 ♪ 503 00:18:03,586 --> 00:18:04,827 Ah! 504 00:18:04,827 --> 00:18:06,172 Oh, God. 505 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,206 Oh, God, I, uh... I always thought that 506 00:18:08,206 --> 00:18:10,413 it would be Roberta who killed me. 507 00:18:10,413 --> 00:18:12,034 all: Pencil to pencil, 508 00:18:12,034 --> 00:18:13,862 high score to low score, 509 00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:15,275 we are united, 510 00:18:15,275 --> 00:18:18,655 sisters of Fillmore. 511 00:18:18,655 --> 00:18:20,965 - Toby, we've brought you to our secret meeting spot. 512 00:18:20,965 --> 00:18:22,827 - This is the school's boiler room. 513 00:18:22,827 --> 00:18:25,379 Did you just drive me around the block? 514 00:18:25,379 --> 00:18:26,551 - You'll never know. 515 00:18:26,551 --> 00:18:28,724 - Oh, God. 516 00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:29,827 [cries] 517 00:18:29,827 --> 00:18:32,172 No. Ah! Ow! 518 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:38,620 - We are welcoming you into our tribe. 519 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,000 - Where we vow to help each other 520 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,379 in times of need. 521 00:18:41,379 --> 00:18:42,482 - And call each other out 522 00:18:42,482 --> 00:18:44,034 when we're being weird. 523 00:18:44,034 --> 00:18:45,310 - And push each other to be better. 524 00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:47,379 - We're a sisterhood, 525 00:18:47,379 --> 00:18:49,655 so welcome to the hood, sister. 526 00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:51,068 [warm music] 527 00:18:51,068 --> 00:18:52,586 - We have a tradition that every year, 528 00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:54,862 we'd give this to the newest teacher at Fillmore. 529 00:18:54,862 --> 00:18:58,000 This is the Dang-It Doll. 530 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,517 We've never given it to a sub before. 531 00:19:00,517 --> 00:19:03,344 Whenever you're feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, 532 00:19:03,344 --> 00:19:06,103 you can use this to express your anger. 533 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,724 - Is this me? 534 00:19:07,724 --> 00:19:08,862 - Sorry. 535 00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:11,724 I made it before we started dating. 536 00:19:12,758 --> 00:19:14,241 ♪ 537 00:19:14,241 --> 00:19:15,482 - Thank you. 538 00:19:15,482 --> 00:19:17,172 It's truly an honor 539 00:19:17,172 --> 00:19:19,172 to be a part of this group. 540 00:19:19,172 --> 00:19:22,862 ♪ 541 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,241 Dang it! 542 00:19:24,241 --> 00:19:27,000 Dang it, dang it, dang it! 543 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,793 Dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it! 544 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,310 Dang it! Dang it! 545 00:19:31,310 --> 00:19:32,551 Oh, dang it! 546 00:19:32,551 --> 00:19:34,448 [gibbering] Dang it! Dang it! 547 00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:38,068 Peas and motherfucking rice! 548 00:19:38,068 --> 00:19:41,310 Ow... Ah... 549 00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:45,793 - Welcome to the squad, girl. 550 00:19:47,758 --> 00:19:49,172 - Sorry, Kimi. 551 00:19:49,172 --> 00:19:52,275 There can only be room for one of us. 552 00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:55,517 I'm her best friend, not you, you shrub! 36446

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