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1
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:12,033
[rock music]
2
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:13,833
- Hey, girl.
- This is weird.
3
00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:15,233
What are you doing here?
4
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,367
- I just wanted
to swing by and say hello.
5
00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:19,533
Catch up.
- Oh.
6
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:20,600
That's actually nice.
7
00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:22,000
- How are you holding up?
8
00:00:22,067 --> 00:00:23,933
- Ugh. Barely surviving.
9
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,033
I keep telling myself, "Just
four more weeks till summer."
10
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,700
- I know!
Yesterday, I showed my class
11
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:29,367
"Sex and the City 2"
to teach them about
12
00:00:29,433 --> 00:00:30,500
Mid-Eastern geography.
13
00:00:30,567 --> 00:00:31,833
I love my class, but come on!
14
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:33,667
It has been eight months.
15
00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:35,033
That's, like,
three times the length
16
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:36,567
of a healthy relationship.
17
00:00:36,633 --> 00:00:38,300
Oh, well.
Great chatting with you.
18
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:39,600
- Oh, my God!
19
00:00:39,667 --> 00:00:41,133
You didn't come here to talk.
20
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,033
You just wanted to gank
one of my sodas!
21
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:44,300
- What? No.
22
00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:45,933
I just thought as long as
we were hanging out,
23
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:46,933
I would help myself.
24
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,467
- Give it back.
25
00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:50,900
- Seriously?
- Maybe if you'd asked first.
26
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,033
- Okay, Deb, can I have
one of your dumb sodas?
27
00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:54,900
- No! Give it back.
- Oh, my God!
28
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:56,367
If you're gonna get
your Walgreens panties
29
00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:59,267
in a bunch over a soda,
then just take it!
30
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,300
[gasps]
31
00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:02,600
- Are you insane?
32
00:01:02,667 --> 00:01:04,400
- [sighs]
33
00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:05,533
[dust rustling]
34
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,767
[blows and coughs]
35
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:10,800
- [gasps]
Asbestos!
36
00:01:10,867 --> 00:01:12,800
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
37
00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:14,333
[whimpering]
38
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,233
* *
39
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,800
- [coughing]
40
00:01:17,867 --> 00:01:18,967
[rock music]
41
00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:21,667
- * Tear it down *
42
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:24,100
* Tear it down *
43
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,300
- So how'd you find
the asbestos?
44
00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:28,600
- She threw a soda at me
and put a hole in the wall.
45
00:01:28,667 --> 00:01:31,367
- Huh. Weird way
to become a hero.
46
00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:34,567
[revelatory swell]
47
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,967
- The good news is
the contamination
48
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:39,800
should be confined
to Mrs. Adler's trailer.
49
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,867
- Then why are you wearing that?
50
00:01:41,933 --> 00:01:44,067
- Oh, this old thing?
Just a precaution.
51
00:01:44,133 --> 00:01:47,167
But since Ms. Snap
did uncover asbestos--
52
00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:49,167
- I believe the fire marshal
used the word "hero."
53
00:01:49,233 --> 00:01:51,167
I told everyone
he said that, right?
54
00:01:51,233 --> 00:01:52,500
- Several times.
55
00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:54,067
- I don't know
that I would use that word.
56
00:01:54,133 --> 00:01:55,633
I mean, I think you guys should,
57
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,067
but I was just reacting
on instinct.
58
00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:58,700
- By throwing a can of soda
at my head?
59
00:01:58,767 --> 00:01:59,800
- Where's Caroline?
60
00:01:59,867 --> 00:02:01,067
- No. No.
61
00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:02,333
No, no, no, no.
62
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:03,833
[tense music]
63
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,200
Why did we have to teach
at a public school?
64
00:02:06,267 --> 00:02:07,467
- [gags]
65
00:02:07,533 --> 00:02:09,533
- Are you sick
from asbestos exposure?
66
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:10,933
- Don't be an idiot.
67
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,333
I just have an upset stomach.
68
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,333
Probably from having
a coworker assault me.
69
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,267
- Though if I hadn't
thrown that can,
70
00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:18,800
imagine how many children
would have perished.
71
00:02:18,867 --> 00:02:20,467
- Is Deb at risk
of getting cancer?
72
00:02:20,533 --> 00:02:23,067
- Because of
the liability guidelines,
73
00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:25,067
I'm obligated to say,
"Of course not."
74
00:02:25,133 --> 00:02:26,800
- What'll happen to my trailer?
75
00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:28,767
- It's going to be towed
to a toxic waste dump
76
00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:30,667
and lit on fire
by the end of the week.
77
00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,300
- Don't worry, Deb.
78
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:34,400
Personally, I found
being classless very liberating.
79
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:36,233
- Really? Because you've been
a real Negative Nelly
80
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:38,267
about it for the last
eight months.
81
00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:40,333
- I know you think when you say
things like Negative Nelly,
82
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,767
you're getting away
with something,
83
00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:43,333
but I know the subtext is,
84
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,733
"You're a straight-up
bitch-ass [bleep]."
85
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,067
- [chuckles]
Good one.
86
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,167
- Well, someone's only laughing
87
00:02:48,233 --> 00:02:49,433
because they overdosed
88
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:50,533
on breakfast brownies.
89
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,167
- Narc! I will cut you!
90
00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:54,967
Some slack
91
00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:56,700
because it's the end
of the school year
92
00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:58,633
and tensions are running high.
93
00:02:58,700 --> 00:02:59,800
- Ladies, please.
94
00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:01,433
It's toxic enough around here.
95
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,133
- So can I go get
the supplies out of my trailer
96
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,567
before they tow it away?
97
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:06,600
- Most of them
are also contaminated,
98
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,967
but we did manage
to salvage some things.
99
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,800
- At least they recovered
my favorite picture of Wasabi.
100
00:03:14,867 --> 00:03:16,833
- That's a mistake.
101
00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:19,567
Contaminated item
found outside hot zone.
102
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,267
Requesting immediate disposal.
103
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:24,133
Fortunately for all of us,
104
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,333
Fire Marshal Brownstein
has agreed to stay on site
105
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,067
to make sure there's
no more asbestos.
106
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:33,467
Is that plastic bag rated
for hazardous materials?
107
00:03:33,533 --> 00:03:35,467
- Sure.
108
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,700
- Thanks, Marshal.
109
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:41,567
Just in case you missed it,
that's the well-respected
110
00:03:41,633 --> 00:03:43,900
community leader
that called me a hero.
111
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:45,333
- So when's my new trailer
getting here?
112
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,167
- There is no money
in the budget for that.
113
00:03:47,233 --> 00:03:50,100
And since we're so close
to the end of the school year--
114
00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:51,300
- What are you saying?
115
00:03:51,367 --> 00:03:53,233
Where am I supposed to teach?
116
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,200
- [inhaling]
117
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,433
- Don't say the cafeteria.
118
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:56,800
- [sharp inhale]
119
00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:58,400
- Please don't say
the cafeteria.
120
00:03:58,467 --> 00:04:02,067
- You'll be adjacent
to the food preparation area.
121
00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:03,533
- That's the cafeteria!
122
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,067
- The dust bowl...
[utensils clanging]
123
00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:06,933
drove countless families
out west.
124
00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:08,800
[clanging]
Where they were crammed
125
00:04:08,867 --> 00:04:12,633
into camps and had to deal with
126
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:15,533
truly demoralizing
working conditions.
127
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,433
[clanging]
128
00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:22,867
Lloyd, I'm trying
to teach over here.
129
00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:26,467
- It's okay. I talked to
the other guys and we know.
130
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:29,500
We have to put up with it.
- That's not what I meant.
131
00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,500
[clanging]
132
00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:33,767
- Sup, Deb.
- What are you doing here?
133
00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:35,233
- We always do lunch early.
134
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:38,167
Some of my kids
have low blood sugar issues.
135
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:40,900
Okay. I have
low blood sugar issues.
136
00:04:40,967 --> 00:04:42,133
You got me.
137
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,133
I just like to get
the tater tots
138
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,700
while they're still crispy.
139
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:47,600
[kids chanting]
Lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch!
140
00:04:47,667 --> 00:04:50,433
Lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch!
[cheering]
141
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:52,767
- This is more like it.
142
00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:56,067
[exhales]
Fresh air. No noise.
143
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,067
* *
144
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,767
[phone chimes]
145
00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:04,767
[playful music]
146
00:05:04,833 --> 00:05:08,067
* *
147
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,067
[urine spattering]
148
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,233
- [gasps]
149
00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:12,567
- Oh!
- Get out!
150
00:05:12,633 --> 00:05:14,267
- Oh, oh! I'm sorry!
- Get out!
151
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:16,933
Get out! Get out!
152
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,600
- I'm try--
- Get out!
153
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:20,267
Get out! Get out!
- I'm trying!
154
00:05:20,333 --> 00:05:22,433
Get out!
- [exhales]
155
00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:28,333
- I want you to wear these
asbestos remembrance ribbons
156
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,333
in tribute to all those
who would've died
157
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,533
if not for the actions of me.
158
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,067
That way we'll never forget
Mrs. Adler's class.
159
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:38,067
[chuckles]
- How can we forget them?
160
00:05:38,067 --> 00:05:39,667
They're right outside.
161
00:05:39,733 --> 00:05:41,667
[thunder booming]
162
00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:43,467
- Oh, good. They found a tree.
163
00:05:43,533 --> 00:05:45,400
- Shouldn't we see
if they want to come inside?
164
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:47,233
- No, Nora,
we have to finish these ribbons
165
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,667
so they're never forgotten.
[scoffs]
166
00:05:49,733 --> 00:05:50,833
* *
167
00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:52,833
- Hey, Pearson!
168
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:54,400
I need a classroom!
169
00:05:54,467 --> 00:05:55,800
Now!
170
00:05:55,867 --> 00:05:57,067
[vomit spatters]
171
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,700
* *
172
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:04,833
[rock music]
173
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:06,300
* *
174
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,800
- Hi, Ms. Bennigan.
175
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:12,100
- Has this wall stripe
always been here?
176
00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:14,533
- Listen. I'm sorry
about what happened before.
177
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,467
I promise
it'll never happen again.
178
00:06:16,533 --> 00:06:19,067
- Before? I have no idea
what you're talking about.
179
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,067
I don't remember anything
that happened before,
180
00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:22,900
and if I did remember
something that happened before,
181
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:24,400
I surely would not
want to talk about it.
182
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,133
* *
183
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,733
- The cafeteria
and playground didn't work.
184
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,733
So all of you are gonna
have to take turns
185
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,133
sharing your classrooms
with Mrs. Adler's class.
186
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,333
- No. We need privacy!
187
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,567
And our own classrooms.
188
00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:40,967
- It's gonna be crowded.
I got big kids in my class.
189
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,767
- You're the one who should
take them, Mary Louise.
190
00:06:42,833 --> 00:06:44,767
Like Jesus said, "When
you're here, you're family."
191
00:06:44,833 --> 00:06:46,633
- That's not Jesus.
That's the Olive Garden!
192
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,367
Why don't you take them?
193
00:06:48,433 --> 00:06:49,633
- I already saved them.
Now you want me
194
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,233
to take care of them, too?
195
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,100
- Ugh. You all need
to learn what preschoolers
196
00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:54,567
already know and share.
197
00:06:54,633 --> 00:06:56,100
- Easy for you to say.
198
00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:58,233
You don't even have a classroom,
you dirty hippie.
199
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:01,500
Should we even be mingling
with the asbesti children?
200
00:07:01,567 --> 00:07:03,300
- The children
are not contaminated.
201
00:07:03,367 --> 00:07:06,233
- They look contaminated.
- They're trailer children.
202
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,700
They always look like that.
203
00:07:07,767 --> 00:07:09,500
No one is contaminated.
204
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:10,967
- Except for Deb, right?
205
00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:13,300
- Mrs. Adler simply had
a bout of nausea
206
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,233
after eating at the cafeteria.
207
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:16,733
It isn't unusual.
208
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,800
Now, I know
this isn't gonna be easy,
209
00:07:18,867 --> 00:07:22,667
but I'm asking all the teachers
to just make it work.
210
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,333
Where's Ms. Watson?
211
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,367
- [panting]
212
00:07:26,433 --> 00:07:27,967
- You know, I am not sure,
213
00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:29,833
but I do know that Caroline
would love to host
214
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,600
Mrs. Adler's class.
- Good.
215
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:36,067
* *
216
00:07:36,133 --> 00:07:39,133
- Thanks for unsealing
your classroom for us, Caroline.
217
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,233
This has been
a really difficult time for me.
218
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,933
- Uh-huh.
219
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:45,067
And now it's a really
difficult time for all of us.
220
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,067
[exhales]
- Okay.
221
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,800
Today, we're going to discuss
222
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:57,067
this classic...
[tape crunching]
223
00:07:57,133 --> 00:08:00,467
Of American literature.
224
00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:02,800
- Let's get started. So!
225
00:08:02,867 --> 00:08:07,667
When two circles
are overlapping like this,
226
00:08:07,733 --> 00:08:09,767
we say they're intersecting.
227
00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:12,400
Now, when lines come off
of the circles,
228
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:14,967
we call those--
229
00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:16,700
- Sorry, uh,
but none of the markers
230
00:08:16,767 --> 00:08:18,100
on this side of the board work.
231
00:08:18,167 --> 00:08:20,533
- Take this one.
232
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:28,167
- Let's start by talking...
[tape crunching]
233
00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:29,467
About...
[tape crunches]
234
00:08:29,533 --> 00:08:31,800
The story...
[tape crunches]
235
00:08:31,867 --> 00:08:34,600
Characters...
[tape crunches]
236
00:08:34,667 --> 00:08:37,800
And theme.
[tape crunches]
237
00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:39,800
- [shrieks]
- Damn it, Caroline!
238
00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:42,333
Stop treating us
like we're in "Outbreak!"
239
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,333
[children laughing]
240
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,367
[dramatic sting]
241
00:08:48,433 --> 00:08:51,067
[laughter continues]
242
00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:53,067
- Get out!
243
00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,467
* *
244
00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:58,267
- As you can see,
we have some visitors today.
245
00:08:58,333 --> 00:08:59,867
- My students, find a seat.
246
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:02,733
You might have to get creative.
247
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,133
[clattering]
248
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,867
- [gasps]
Oh, dear!
249
00:09:05,933 --> 00:09:08,300
Your student broke my...
250
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:12,067
old-timey farmer diorama.
251
00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:14,700
- You mean, the nativity scene
you were illegally displaying
252
00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:15,967
on school property?
253
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,500
- No! No.
254
00:09:17,567 --> 00:09:19,267
This isn't Jesus.
255
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,100
He's just a stable baby.
256
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:24,367
And this is the farmer
and his wife--
257
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:25,900
- Call it whatever you want.
258
00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:28,167
My student just prevented you
from getting fired.
259
00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:29,400
- Get out!
260
00:09:29,467 --> 00:09:30,733
[dramatic sting]
261
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,933
- Me casa room es su casa room.
262
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,500
- I really appreciate it.
263
00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:37,467
- Get in here, dawg.
264
00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:39,833
They raided
my secret candy stash?
265
00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:41,533
- I wasn't watching.
I guess they didn't know
266
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,600
it was off limits.
267
00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:43,800
[grunts]
268
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:45,867
[retching]
- Oh. Great.
269
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:49,933
Now you're rubbing it
in my face that you're dying.
270
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,267
My Twizzlers?
271
00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:54,800
Get out!
- Ugh.
272
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:59,133
[Woody Guthrie's "I Ain't Got
No Home in This World Anymore"]
273
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:05,133
* *
274
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,200
- Excuse me!
275
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,333
The hallways are mine!
276
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,500
- * And there ain't
nobody home *
277
00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:15,567
* No, no *
278
00:10:15,633 --> 00:10:18,767
* *
279
00:10:18,833 --> 00:10:20,600
- Hey, Ms. Bennigan.
280
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:23,867
Uh, could we talk?
281
00:10:23,933 --> 00:10:27,067
You're clearly still upset.
282
00:10:27,133 --> 00:10:28,667
- I'm not upset.
283
00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:30,667
Yes, whenever I sit on a toilet,
284
00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:32,867
I feel exposed and vulnerable,
285
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,133
and I'm not sure how
to live my day-to-day life,
286
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,300
or how I will explain
to my future husband
287
00:10:37,367 --> 00:10:40,233
that another man has already
seen my front-bottom,
288
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:42,233
but no! I'm not upset!
289
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:45,400
* *
290
00:10:45,467 --> 00:10:46,967
[gentle music]
291
00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:48,900
- Remember,
Ms. Snap can never be too thin.
292
00:10:48,967 --> 00:10:50,967
Let's not go crazy
with the clay, people.
293
00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:52,633
- I thought
we were going to work on
294
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:53,833
our history projects today.
295
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,600
- This is history, Nora.
296
00:10:55,667 --> 00:10:57,933
Ms. Snap will be remembered
with all the other great heroes.
297
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,733
Harriet Tubman,
Susan B. Anthony,
298
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,400
Kylie Jenner.
299
00:11:01,467 --> 00:11:03,667
She completely transformed
her face and body.
300
00:11:03,733 --> 00:11:05,800
She's been
two successful people.
301
00:11:05,867 --> 00:11:08,633
Mm. Now keep sculpting.
302
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:12,233
* *
303
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,667
- Hey, Deb.
304
00:11:13,733 --> 00:11:15,267
We want to help you
with your situation.
305
00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:17,267
- We were all just
sitting around talking about
306
00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:19,533
how we need to get you out
of our classrooms ASAP.
307
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,300
- And how your lack
of respect for other people
308
00:11:21,367 --> 00:11:23,667
and poor manners
is reflected in your students.
309
00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:26,300
- And how they break into
anything like raccoons.
310
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:27,967
- I'm sorry.
I thought this conversation
311
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:29,667
was to help me.
- We're getting there!
312
00:11:29,733 --> 00:11:31,767
- Also, you're really
abrasive and rude.
313
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,167
Sorry, that was just for me.
- Seriously?
314
00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,500
- After we got all that
off our chests,
315
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:39,867
we started thinking
how difficult this must be
316
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,400
for you and your students--
a wandering tribe
317
00:11:42,467 --> 00:11:43,733
with no place to call home.
318
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:44,933
- And we decided
to have a fundraiser
319
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:46,900
to buy you a new trailer.
320
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:48,767
- We've always been there
for each other when one of us
321
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,933
has had a hard time,
322
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:52,633
and we want to be there
for you, too, Deb.
323
00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:54,833
- Thanks.
324
00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:57,633
I was beginning to think
you guys all hated me.
325
00:11:57,700 --> 00:11:59,567
- Just because
your little toxic avengers
326
00:11:59,633 --> 00:12:03,300
ate all my top-shelf candy
from the good gas station?
327
00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:04,633
That'd be crazy.
328
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:06,567
- Aw.
- Aww!
329
00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:08,867
- So crazy.
330
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,267
[rock music]
331
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,067
- The crap parents buy
is so weird.
332
00:12:16,133 --> 00:12:17,400
- There's a basket over there
333
00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:19,100
that's just filled
with hotel soap.
334
00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,633
- Thank you. Ciao!
335
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,833
Okay! The Great American
Pasta Company is in.
336
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:25,200
Let's put their gift certificate
in a one of the baskets
337
00:12:25,267 --> 00:12:27,367
with a box of Chianti
and we'll call it,
338
00:12:27,433 --> 00:12:29,300
"An Italian Night in Skokie."
339
00:12:29,367 --> 00:12:30,833
- Got it.
- Did everyone come up with
340
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:32,700
something to auction off?
341
00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:35,100
- "Vegan Cooking Without Tears:
An night free of animal murder
342
00:12:35,167 --> 00:12:36,167
with Cecelia Cannon."
343
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,333
- "Infinity and the Bible:
344
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,867
"A six-part,
twelve-hour lecture series
345
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:42,467
with Mary Louise Bennigan."
346
00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:44,667
- "How to Pretend You Have
Glaucoma In Order To Get
347
00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:46,333
"Your Medical Marijuana Card:
348
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,500
An informational download
from Feldman."
349
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,333
- Okay, I don't think--
- "Weekly Wednesday
350
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,200
Wiccan Workshops."
Alliteration. You're welcome.
351
00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:53,600
- Those are all lame.
352
00:12:53,667 --> 00:12:55,100
Wait until you hear
about my idea.
353
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:57,067
- I'll be right back!
[gagging]
354
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,833
- If she's this sick now,
355
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:01,100
imagine what she'd be like
if I hadn't found the asbestos
356
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:02,600
when I did.
- You mean two days ago?
357
00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:04,467
- Could be the difference
between death
358
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:07,067
and a long, lingering
illness leading to death.
359
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:10,067
My item is so goo--
- Ms. Bennigan?
360
00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:12,067
Can I speak to you for a moment?
361
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:15,067
[dramatic sting]
362
00:13:15,133 --> 00:13:16,533
So,
363
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,733
not only did I install
another lock,
364
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,067
but there's a sign here now.
365
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,467
Can you see that?
366
00:13:21,533 --> 00:13:23,133
Tells you whether or not
the door is locked
367
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,067
from both sides of the door.
368
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:27,200
- Thank you.
369
00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:29,400
I've been driving a half-hour
to use the bathroom
370
00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:32,100
at McDonald's on my lunch break.
371
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:34,300
A couple of times,
I didn't make it.
372
00:13:34,367 --> 00:13:35,400
- Oh.
373
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:37,767
Do you have to go?
374
00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:38,767
- Yeah.
- Okay.
375
00:13:38,833 --> 00:13:44,767
* *
376
00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:49,233
- Do I hear any more bids for
the murder-free cooking class?
377
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:52,967
It's sure to be very...
ethical.
378
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,167
[gasps]
There we go!
379
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:55,700
Going once.
380
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,067
Going twice.
381
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:59,367
Sold for $250!
382
00:13:59,433 --> 00:14:02,633
Thank you.
[applause]
383
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:03,967
Just a reminder:
384
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,100
Caroline Watson's
crafting circle
385
00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:08,100
is filling up really fast.
386
00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:10,733
She is a crafty minx!
387
00:14:12,367 --> 00:14:14,967
Our next item comes
from third grade teacher,
388
00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:18,167
Chelsea Snap, who is offering
389
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,833
an hour with a hero.
390
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:23,900
Did I read that correctly?
- That's right.
391
00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:26,100
I am the Sully of Chicagoland.
392
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:30,500
- Okay. This item is valued at
393
00:14:30,567 --> 00:14:32,333
$3,000?
394
00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:38,067
But let's start
the bidding at $25.
395
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:40,400
- 25? Okay. No.
396
00:14:40,467 --> 00:14:42,133
Come on now, people.
397
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:45,067
This is an hour with a hero.
398
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:46,667
I don't know if you know this,
399
00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:49,367
but I was the person
who uncovered the asbestos.
400
00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:52,633
- Wait? It's your fault
Mrs. Adler's sick?
401
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,900
- No. I saved her.
You're welcome.
402
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,300
- Your irresponsible behavior
403
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,100
contaminated
my child's classroom!
404
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:01,500
- What?
- This is all your fault!
405
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,067
- Yeah!
- No, no, no, no, no. Wait.
406
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,567
You should be worshipping me.
407
00:15:05,633 --> 00:15:06,967
I am a hero!
408
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:08,567
Fire Marshal Brownstein said so.
409
00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:10,967
- I mean that ironically.
- No, no, no, no.
410
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:12,233
I am a hero!
411
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,633
I will always be a hero!
412
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,300
I was born a hero
and I'll die a hero!
413
00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:18,100
I'll show you!
414
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,567
- We're closing in on $10,000.
- Oh, that's great news!
415
00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:25,433
- Awesome!
- My own brand-new trailer.
416
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,067
Thanks again, you guys.
417
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:29,667
- Last call for the cakewalk!
[gavel bangs]
418
00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:31,867
- You know what?
Let's do it together.
419
00:15:31,933 --> 00:15:33,867
all: Yeah!
420
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,467
* *
421
00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:38,400
- Is that
an Anthropologie gift card?
422
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:40,133
- Yup.
[sighs]
423
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,467
* *
424
00:15:41,533 --> 00:15:43,267
Comes with the cake.
- Whoa!
425
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,533
This cakewalk just got real.
426
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,733
- Land on the star
and you win a cake!
427
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,733
[whimsical music playing]
428
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:58,600
* *
429
00:15:58,667 --> 00:15:59,767
[music stops]
430
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,233
- I won?
[gasps]
431
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,533
Oh, my God!
432
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:08,533
This has turned into
the best day!
433
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,067
I feel so loved and so lucky.
434
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:12,467
- Haven't you taken enough?
435
00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:15,667
[rock music]
436
00:16:15,733 --> 00:16:17,067
* *
437
00:16:17,133 --> 00:16:18,800
- We've reached our goal!
438
00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:21,267
Let's give a hand to the ladies
who made this happen!
439
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,200
[applause]
- Ow!
440
00:16:23,267 --> 00:16:25,067
Guys!
[struggling grunts]
441
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:27,133
- Give it to me!
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
442
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,433
- [sighs]
443
00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:32,800
- There was a gift card.
444
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,833
- Hiyah!
445
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:37,300
Ugh.
446
00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:38,900
- Ms. Snap!
What are you doing?
447
00:16:38,967 --> 00:16:41,200
- I found it once,
I'll find it again!
448
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:42,933
- Stop!
- Ah!
449
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:45,267
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
450
00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:46,900
What are you doing?
451
00:16:46,967 --> 00:16:49,900
I already checked this hall
for asbestos.
452
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,067
I think.
453
00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:56,667
- No!
454
00:16:56,733 --> 00:17:00,167
- Girl, you got to do something
about that bush.
455
00:17:00,233 --> 00:17:02,500
* *
456
00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:04,667
- Can't wait
to see my new trailer.
457
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:06,667
- Is that shirt
from Anthropologie?
458
00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:08,967
- Oh, my God.
Crazy, right?
459
00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:10,800
I never thought
I would wear a bird print,
460
00:17:10,867 --> 00:17:13,433
but something
about that store...
461
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,767
- It's okay, girl.
You deserve it.
462
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,067
- Totally.
463
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,800
- Especially after
the way we behaved.
464
00:17:17,867 --> 00:17:19,533
- I'm just surprised
you're still talking to us.
465
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:20,967
- Hey, it's that time of year,
466
00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:23,067
but we're getting through it
together.
467
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,400
- Oh, darn it.
468
00:17:25,467 --> 00:17:26,667
I wanted to see your face
469
00:17:26,733 --> 00:17:28,433
when you saw the new trailer.
470
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,600
- That's not a new trailer.
- Yes, it is.
471
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:32,667
Your old trailer was full
of asbestos.
472
00:17:32,733 --> 00:17:35,167
Now
the asbestos has been removed,
473
00:17:35,233 --> 00:17:37,400
so it's as good as new.
474
00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:39,233
- But we raised all that money.
475
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,800
- We had to use the remainder
to repair a bunch of holes
476
00:17:41,867 --> 00:17:44,967
that some nutjob punched
into the walls.
477
00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:47,333
- They were probably
just misunderstood.
478
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,800
- Sorry you didn't get
a new trailer, girl.
479
00:17:49,867 --> 00:17:50,900
- It's okay.
480
00:17:50,967 --> 00:17:52,167
If I got through last week,
481
00:17:52,233 --> 00:17:53,667
I can get through
the next three.
482
00:17:53,733 --> 00:17:55,500
Then it's vacation,
and I don't care
483
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:58,900
if I ever see another kid
as long as I live.
484
00:17:58,967 --> 00:18:00,867
* *
485
00:18:00,933 --> 00:18:03,967
Why couldn't it have been
asbestos poisoning?
486
00:18:05,967 --> 00:18:08,400
- Just so you know,
I'll be using
487
00:18:08,467 --> 00:18:11,767
the McDonald's bathroom
from now on.
488
00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:13,800
Congratulations.
489
00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:14,933
- Thanks.
490
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:24,100
- * Thank you, Chelsea Snap *
491
00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:28,467
* You put a hole
right through the wall *
492
00:18:28,533 --> 00:18:32,600
* You found the asbestos *
493
00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:35,933
* And then you saved them all *
494
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:40,467
* The things
that Chelsea rescued *
495
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:44,933
* Like a flame in the breeze *
496
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,833
- * Asbestos hero *
497
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:55,833
* She never blinked an eye *
498
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,867
* Asbestos hero *
499
00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:03,900
* Without a little cry *
500
00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:08,133
* Asbestos hero *
501
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,500
* I love her *
502
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,600
- Oh, yeah.
34937
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