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1
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:08,400
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
2
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,700
- Could I please grab
one horchata
3
00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:11,933
and two breakfast tacos?
4
00:00:11,933 --> 00:00:15,600
- Sure, $3.
- Okay.
5
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,067
Thank you.
6
00:00:17,067 --> 00:00:19,200
[machine beeps]
7
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,733
- Declined.
- You sure, man?
8
00:00:20,733 --> 00:00:22,667
This is my good card.
9
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:26,067
One second.
10
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:29,600
You know, uh, on second thought,
11
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,300
I'll just grab
the horchata, please.
12
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,300
- $1.50.
- Sir...
13
00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:38,533
I am a teacher,
and by providing me
14
00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:41,900
with a small donation
of 50 cents today,
15
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:45,433
you'll give me the energy
to go into my classroom
16
00:00:45,433 --> 00:00:48,633
and mold the young
little heroes
17
00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:51,833
who might one day
make our nation
18
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:53,967
as great as the one portrayed
19
00:00:53,967 --> 00:00:57,233
in Aaron Sorkin's
"The West Wing."
20
00:00:57,233 --> 00:00:58,967
- Third teacher
who couldn't pay today.
21
00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:02,067
- Oh, for real?
- Adios.
22
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:03,067
[rock music]
23
00:01:03,067 --> 00:01:05,500
- * Tear it down
24
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,533
* Tear it down
25
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,167
- Why in the ever-loving Satan
26
00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,833
does Midol take so long
to kick in?
27
00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:11,700
- You're on your period too?
- Wow.
28
00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:14,233
We've all gotten the girl flu
at the exact same time
29
00:01:14,233 --> 00:01:17,333
for the last four months.
- It's the McClintock effect.
30
00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:20,233
- You mean Jessica McClintock?
The midrange prom dress mogul?
31
00:01:20,233 --> 00:01:22,233
- No, it's named after
Martha McClintock,
32
00:01:22,233 --> 00:01:23,733
the scientist
who first figured out
33
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,733
that when women spend
a lot of time together,
34
00:01:25,733 --> 00:01:27,300
their periods sync up.
35
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,967
- What's your bitch-head
looking at?
36
00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:34,133
- [screams]
- [roars]
37
00:01:34,133 --> 00:01:37,267
- [screaming]
38
00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,933
- Morning.
- Hi.
39
00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:43,933
[upbeat rock music]
40
00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:48,500
*
41
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:50,400
- [groans]
42
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,367
- Hello.
What a beautiful morning.
43
00:01:53,367 --> 00:01:55,633
- Wow, someone's in a good mood.
44
00:01:55,633 --> 00:01:57,433
- Well, it's easy
when your faith in romance
45
00:01:57,433 --> 00:01:59,367
has been restored.
- Oh, my gosh.
46
00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:01,100
You finally found someone?
47
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:04,067
Now you won't have to cry
in your car at recess anymore.
48
00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:05,400
- No, that's not it.
49
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,767
Two of my students
have found love.
50
00:02:07,767 --> 00:02:09,100
- And you care because?
51
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:11,400
- Well, it's no secret
that my Prince Charming
52
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,400
is arriving on
a very slow horse,
53
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,767
so much so
that I had begun to think
54
00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:18,433
that maybe love
wasn't real after all,
55
00:02:18,433 --> 00:02:21,933
but witnessing Craimy's love
has renewed my hope.
56
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,067
- Who's Craimy?
57
00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:24,200
- Craig and Amy.
58
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,533
They're my students,
59
00:02:25,533 --> 00:02:27,100
and they've been dating
for two weeks.
60
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,567
It's been magical.
61
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:31,333
You should see them
on the swing set together.
62
00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:33,833
It's like
"Splendor in the Grass."
63
00:02:33,833 --> 00:02:36,633
- [groans and yells]
64
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:40,400
Sorry.
65
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,433
That was my last dollar--
like, ever.
66
00:02:43,433 --> 00:02:45,533
- Yeah, it's because
teachers are paid crap.
67
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,833
It's part of the 1%'s conspiracy
to keep the masses
68
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:50,667
dumb and compliant.
- I'm so sick of being poor.
69
00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:53,367
I have to let medical students
practice Botox injections
70
00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:56,100
on my face for an hourly fee.
[scoffs]
71
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,700
I mean, I have to.
- Damien and I are so broke,
72
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:00,700
we have to Airbnb
our tiny house
73
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:02,633
and sleep in his van
three times a week.
74
00:03:02,633 --> 00:03:04,167
- I've been eating
the same dinners
75
00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:06,400
as the prisoners
on "Lockup: Raw,"
76
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,133
all of my credit cards
are maxed out,
77
00:03:08,133 --> 00:03:11,067
and they're about to shut off
my Cricket phone.
78
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:12,433
- I'm sorry, Feldman.
79
00:03:12,433 --> 00:03:15,933
I wish I could relate,
but I have a trust fund.
80
00:03:15,933 --> 00:03:18,467
- My bank account was
in better shape during college
81
00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:21,100
when I was slinging sandwiches
at Sub-urbia.
82
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,533
- Have you ever made a budget?
83
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:24,067
- That's the thing
I was trying to think of
84
00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:26,200
that stops you
from having no money.
85
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,500
[machine buzzes]
86
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:30,867
[yells indistinctly]
87
00:03:30,867 --> 00:03:33,900
Okay, number munchers,
today for math,
88
00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:36,767
we're gonna do
a super fun project called:
89
00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:41,067
Can a budget get Ms. F
out of the money dumper?
90
00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:43,833
So let's get ready
to peep-fist, you guys.
91
00:03:43,833 --> 00:03:46,900
Each month,
Ms. F has to pay rent.
92
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:52,300
So rent would be $450.
93
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,733
Ms. F also needs
a big pile of money
94
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:58,700
for life's essentials--
car payments, food,
95
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:01,967
and recreational
concert enhancers, right?
96
00:04:01,967 --> 00:04:04,100
9...
97
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,433
hundo.
98
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:09,167
Also, 800 bucks
in student loans
99
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,667
to the goons at Sallie Mae,
100
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,633
despite the fact
that Ms. F told them
101
00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:14,333
she died two years ago.
102
00:04:14,333 --> 00:04:18,533
'Kay, so that would be $800.
103
00:04:18,533 --> 00:04:21,333
This is how much money
104
00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:24,700
Ms. F makes each month
as your teacher
105
00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:26,833
after taxes
are stolen from her.
106
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,800
So how much money is Ms. F
gonna have left over
107
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,333
at the end of each month?
108
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,800
Really curious about this one.
109
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,467
Hey, Ayo.
110
00:04:35,467 --> 00:04:37,800
You already got the answer,
don't ya?
111
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,900
Wanna try sharing it
with the rest of the class?
112
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:42,900
- N-no.
113
00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:46,233
My stu...
114
00:04:46,233 --> 00:04:47,633
s-stutter.
115
00:04:47,633 --> 00:04:49,667
[sighs]
- Aw, that's okay, buddy.
116
00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:51,633
Hey, maybe next time, huh?
117
00:04:51,633 --> 00:04:53,200
- Zero dollars are left over.
118
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,733
- Whoa, are you kidding,
Lauren?
119
00:04:54,733 --> 00:04:56,667
- You don't make enough money
to pay your bills.
120
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:58,333
- No, no, no,
is this the answer
121
00:04:58,333 --> 00:05:00,400
that everyone here
came up with?
122
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,700
- You're broke.
123
00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:04,600
- [sighs]
It's hot as balls.
124
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,067
- Tell me about it.
125
00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:07,367
At rapture camp,
126
00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:09,067
sometimes the kids
leave the basketballs out
127
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:10,933
and forget to put them back
in the equipment shed,
128
00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:13,967
and boy, oh, boy, I have never
touched hotter balls.
129
00:05:13,967 --> 00:05:15,600
- Oh, stop.
130
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,700
Normally your Jesus camp stories
are hilarious,
131
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:20,067
but when I'm on the rag,
they just make me sad.
132
00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:21,967
[ominous music]
133
00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:23,233
Hold me!
134
00:05:23,233 --> 00:05:26,967
I just wanna share
my emotions with you!
135
00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:28,833
- [screams]
136
00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:32,567
Ladies--
um, valued educators, rather,
137
00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:35,067
I am canceling
today's faculty meetings
138
00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:38,433
scheduled during everyone's
free period--free hour.
139
00:05:38,433 --> 00:05:41,600
I just feel like everyone
could use some time to rest up
140
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,367
and indulge in any food cravings
you may have--
141
00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:46,833
I gotta go.
142
00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,067
- What was that about?
143
00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:51,567
- He knows
we're all on our period.
144
00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:53,267
- That's not funny.
145
00:05:53,267 --> 00:05:55,933
How could Principal Pearson
know such private information
146
00:05:55,933 --> 00:05:58,600
about our...
[whispers] cha-cha-chas?
147
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,067
- Who cares how he knows?
148
00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:02,433
This is huge for us.
- How?
149
00:06:02,433 --> 00:06:05,167
- A woman's period
is a man's kryptonite.
150
00:06:05,167 --> 00:06:08,067
We can use this
to get whatever we want.
151
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:09,767
[rock music]
152
00:06:09,767 --> 00:06:12,733
- Okay, class,
everyone pick a reading partner,
153
00:06:12,733 --> 00:06:14,633
except Craig and Amy.
154
00:06:14,633 --> 00:06:16,433
You two are obviously
already partners.
155
00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:20,367
- But, Ms. Watson,
I wanted to be Amy's partner.
156
00:06:20,367 --> 00:06:22,967
- Megan, don't be that girl.
157
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:25,967
Oh, and at recess, everyone
stay off the swings, okay?
158
00:06:25,967 --> 00:06:29,067
The swings are
Craig and Amy's special place.
159
00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:34,367
[enchanting music]
160
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:41,500
*
161
00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:50,067
Amy?
Can I talk to you for a second?
162
00:06:52,333 --> 00:06:54,867
Do you understand
what this means?
163
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,800
Getting a snack cake from a boy
when you're eight
164
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,767
is like a man taking you
to Aspen when you're 30.
165
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:07,300
He's really serious
about you, Amy.
166
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,733
Now you can skip 20 years
of crushing your own self-worth
167
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,633
and having pictures
of other people's children
168
00:07:11,633 --> 00:07:13,633
on your refrigerator.
- Okay.
169
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:17,333
*
170
00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:19,500
- Love is real.
171
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,167
[mellow guitar music]
172
00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:25,767
- * I was sipping on sweet tea
and having fun *
173
00:07:25,767 --> 00:07:28,133
* I was sitting with you
in the summer sun *
174
00:07:28,133 --> 00:07:29,500
- Excuse me, sir.
175
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,200
*
176
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,167
Chaz Machacha.
177
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:36,700
I thought you'd be
in college by now.
178
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:39,067
- Hello, A.J.
I haven't seen you
179
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:42,567
since you stuffed my Saturn's
tailpipe full of torpedo rolls.
180
00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:45,200
- Which I only did
because you told the manager
181
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,067
I was a picking a wedgie
behind the counter, you snitch.
182
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:51,100
- Well, guess who's
the manager now,
183
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,700
ass-picker.
184
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:56,533
- Okay.
Quick question.
185
00:07:56,533 --> 00:07:59,733
You hiring part-time
by any chance, Chaz?
186
00:07:59,733 --> 00:08:01,800
- [laughs] Chaz?
187
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,133
It's Mr. Machacha.
188
00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:06,800
- You hiring part-time
189
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:11,400
by any chance,
Mr. Machacha?
190
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,733
- I'm only looking to hire
191
00:08:12,733 --> 00:08:14,567
an assistant night manager
right now.
192
00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:16,233
- Oh, great,
I gotta teach during the day.
193
00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:18,433
- Let's get
a couple things straight.
194
00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:20,267
The assistant night manager
195
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:23,167
is the person who works
directly beneath me,
196
00:08:23,167 --> 00:08:27,900
so you'd have to be on call 24/7
in case of a sub emergency.
197
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,533
- Dude, I can't be on call
when I'm teaching.
198
00:08:30,533 --> 00:08:33,533
- Then sayonara,
butt-spelunker.
199
00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:36,667
[phone trilling]
200
00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:43,767
- I would love the job,
Mr. Machacha.
201
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:50,067
[rock music]
202
00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:52,267
- Sub-urbia's kicking my butt.
203
00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:55,133
Juggling two jobs is way harder
than I thought it would be,
204
00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:56,833
and I smell like hard salami.
205
00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,100
- [sniffs] Oh...
206
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,667
- There he is.
Go on. Drop the P-bomb.
207
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:06,667
[dynamic music]
208
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,700
*
209
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:12,200
- [groaning]
210
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,433
Excuse me, I am feeling
very irritable
211
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:17,933
from all the bleeding
and diarrhea from my period.
212
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:19,700
I need to rest.
213
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,233
Do you think
you can find a TV
214
00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:23,633
so my kids can watch a movie
instead of me teaching?
215
00:09:23,633 --> 00:09:25,233
- [sighs]
- [groans] Oh!
216
00:09:25,233 --> 00:09:29,133
Oh, my uterus!
It's gonna explode!
217
00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:32,467
[roars]
218
00:09:32,467 --> 00:09:34,833
Your balls are next!
219
00:09:34,833 --> 00:09:36,133
- [screams]
220
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:41,833
Okay! Okay!
I can get a TV for you.
221
00:09:41,833 --> 00:09:43,433
- Great.
222
00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:45,367
*
223
00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:48,933
- So this calzone pocket
is the Earth.
224
00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:51,733
If the outside
of the calzone pocket
225
00:09:51,733 --> 00:09:54,867
is the Earth's crust,
what does the cheese represent?
226
00:09:54,867 --> 00:09:57,100
Does anyone have an idea?
227
00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,400
David?
- The molten core?
228
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,367
- Great.
Nice work.
229
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:05,233
You knew that answer,
didn't you, Ayo?
230
00:10:05,233 --> 00:10:09,667
Boy, I sure wish you'd show
everyone else how smart you are.
231
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:12,667
You know, I heard that
people who stutter
232
00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:14,000
don't stutter when they sing,
233
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,500
which I thought
was pretty cool.
234
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:19,333
You could try singing in here
anytime you want.
235
00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:22,067
All right,
something to keep in mind.
236
00:10:22,067 --> 00:10:23,400
[yawns]
237
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,167
- You look slee--
238
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,167
s-sleepy.
239
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:30,300
- Ms. F's been training
at Sub-urbia the last few days,
240
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:33,600
and her manager
forced her to stay late
241
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,100
and clean up the bathroom
242
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:38,900
after someone's butt exploded
in there.
243
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,433
Yeah.
[phone trilling]
244
00:10:40,433 --> 00:10:41,467
Mm.
245
00:10:43,367 --> 00:10:44,867
Ugh, sorry, Ayo.
246
00:10:44,867 --> 00:10:47,133
Gotta take this.
It's my manager.
247
00:10:47,133 --> 00:10:51,833
He's what the French
would refer to as a "douché."
248
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:53,000
Hello?
249
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,333
- A.J.,
a huge corpo just came in.
250
00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:58,233
- What's a freakin' corpo?
- Corporate order.
251
00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:00,200
I'm gonna need you
to come in immediately.
252
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,233
*
253
00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:05,067
- Hey, Amy.
Where's Craig?
254
00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:07,467
Is he buying you
another snack cake?
255
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,633
- Probably not.
He broke up with me.
256
00:11:09,633 --> 00:11:13,567
- But you two were so happy
during reading circle.
257
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,667
- Hey, wait up.
258
00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:20,067
[somber music]
259
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:22,367
- How could this happen to me?
260
00:11:26,867 --> 00:11:30,567
- All right,
corpo order finished.
261
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:31,900
Hope you guys enjoyed
262
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,233
the surprise field trip
to Sub-urbia.
263
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:36,600
- A.J., I'm gonna need you
to stay after closing tonight
264
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,067
to do inventory.
- Chaz...
265
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,400
Mr. Machacha.
- There you go.
266
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,100
- Do you think
you can do me a solid
267
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:46,800
and let me have the night off?
I'm exhausted, man.
268
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,500
- Sure,
you can have the night off.
269
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,567
- Really?
- Yeah.
270
00:11:51,567 --> 00:11:53,633
Yeah!
271
00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:57,867
You know what, A.J.?
You can have every night off.
272
00:11:57,867 --> 00:12:00,800
- Okay, I'll be here.
273
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,367
- You're one short.
274
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:07,133
- What's wrong, sir?
- I hurt my back
275
00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:10,067
carrying the television
to Ms. Snap's room.
276
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:12,933
- [whimpers] Craimy!
277
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,367
- [sighs]
278
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,933
Dear God, how many more days
will this last?
279
00:12:17,933 --> 00:12:20,067
- Wait, Principal Pearson.
- Yes?
280
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:23,767
- My flow is crazy heavy today,
281
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:26,567
and--oh, no.
282
00:12:26,567 --> 00:12:28,300
I'm going to have
a menstrual seizure
283
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:30,367
unless someone
goes to Thai Palace
284
00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:33,500
and gets me pad Thai,
no egg, extra peanuts.
285
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,267
Feed me!
286
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,300
- [groans]
No!
287
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,700
- Feed me!
288
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:43,100
- Ah!
289
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:44,900
Whatever you need,
I'll do--I'll do it.
290
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:47,900
[funky percussive music]
291
00:12:50,667 --> 00:12:54,067
- [gasps] Oh. Craig.
292
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:55,700
Didn't expect to see you here.
293
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:57,933
- It's the water fountain.
Everybody comes here.
294
00:12:57,933 --> 00:12:59,800
- You're looking well.
295
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,433
- Okay.
296
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:03,667
- Listen, I have to be honest,
297
00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:07,067
your breakup with Amy
really hit me hard.
298
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,367
What happened?
- Mm, I got bored.
299
00:13:09,367 --> 00:13:12,900
- You're Craimy.
You belong together.
300
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,900
Don't let her go.
If you do,
301
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,533
one day you're gonna wake up,
and you'll be in the 4th grade,
302
00:13:17,533 --> 00:13:19,400
looking down the barrel
of middle school,
303
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,700
and you'll realize that
you made the biggest mistake
304
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,800
of your tiny life.
305
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,667
- Okay.
306
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:29,067
[dramatic music]
307
00:13:29,067 --> 00:13:31,767
- Oh, my God, my heart.
308
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,467
[gasps]
309
00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:36,367
I can actually
feel it breaking.
310
00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:38,767
- I ordered half an hour ago,
and now you call
311
00:13:38,767 --> 00:13:40,100
and tell me that Fillmore
312
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,700
is outside
of your delivery area?
313
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,567
Do you have any idea
what they're gonna do to me?
314
00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:47,167
[all screaming]
315
00:13:47,167 --> 00:13:49,767
Well, I am sorry too, Sirachai,
316
00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:51,933
and I'm scared.
317
00:13:51,933 --> 00:13:53,067
- [snoring]
318
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:55,167
[hissing]
319
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:58,067
[mouths words]
320
00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,767
What happened?
321
00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:02,333
- We forgot to unwrap
the calzone pocket
322
00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:05,267
before we put it
in the microwave.
323
00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:06,567
- We're sorry, Ms. Feldman.
324
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:09,300
- No, I'm supposed to be
teaching you,
325
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:12,433
not power-sawing Zs.
326
00:14:12,433 --> 00:14:15,200
[sighs]
I can't work two jobs anymore.
327
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,333
- Are you gonna quit Sub-urbia?
- I wish I could,
328
00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:20,567
but that job actually pays me
more than teaching does.
329
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:22,233
- What are you saying,
Ms. Feldman?
330
00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:23,667
- This is gonna break my heart,
331
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:27,067
but I can't be
your teacher anymore.
332
00:14:31,267 --> 00:14:33,067
- It doesn't feel like
the teachers' lounge
333
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:35,067
without Feldman
snoring on the couch.
334
00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:37,233
- Cannon's been
subbing her class.
335
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:39,067
She says that
all of her lesson plans
336
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,767
are in graphic novel form.
337
00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:45,067
- It's your time, girl.
338
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:48,067
[dynamic music]
339
00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:49,167
*
340
00:14:49,167 --> 00:14:51,667
- Uh, excuse me, sir?
341
00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:55,833
Uh, due to the, uh,
crime scene in my pants,
342
00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:58,533
I was thinking that
we could all really benefit
343
00:14:58,533 --> 00:15:01,133
from a Shasta vending machine.
344
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:04,067
[ominous music]
345
00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:05,500
- Are you kidding me?
346
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:08,833
I work so hard,
and none of you appreciate me!
347
00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:11,733
I'm not getting anybody
a Shasta vending machine.
348
00:15:11,733 --> 00:15:13,767
Get real.
349
00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:16,067
What?
350
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:18,533
I spilled coffee
on my suit pants.
351
00:15:18,533 --> 00:15:20,467
Don't you dare judge me.
352
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,100
- The Jessica McClintock effect.
353
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,967
[rock music]
354
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,567
- Okay, guys.
355
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:31,667
So that was the set
of economic and social policies
356
00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,800
on which Abraham Lincoln
got elected.
357
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,600
Pretty interesting, right?
- No.
358
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,467
- It was boring.
- Ms. Feldman usually dresses up
359
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:40,200
like the people
we're learning about.
360
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,167
She has a bunch of wigs
and old clothes
361
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:44,467
and a magic time-traveling
garbage bag.
362
00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:46,333
- And Ms. Feldman said that
we were gonna act out
363
00:15:46,333 --> 00:15:47,633
the Lincoln-Douglas debate.
364
00:15:47,633 --> 00:15:49,067
- She taught us the alphabet
365
00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:50,533
with "Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang."
366
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,600
- And I didn't get gravity
367
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,133
until Ms. Feldman explained
368
00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:55,200
that pro wrestling
couldn't exist without it.
369
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,600
- You're nice, Ms. Cannon,
370
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,233
but we just really miss
Ms. Feldman.
371
00:15:59,233 --> 00:16:01,967
all: Yeah!
372
00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:05,367
[somber music]
373
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:11,400
*
374
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,767
- That son of a bitch.
375
00:16:15,967 --> 00:16:17,700
Who is that little hussy?
376
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,900
- Hussy?
That's Cheryl.
377
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:22,267
She's nine,
and she loves to color.
378
00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:24,733
- Well, something tells me
that Craig isn't the first boy
379
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:27,267
Cheryl's gone down
the slide with.
380
00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:29,833
[gentle piano music]
381
00:16:29,833 --> 00:16:31,833
Hey, Amy. Uh...
382
00:16:31,833 --> 00:16:35,067
Listen, I'm not gonna
sugarcoat this for you.
383
00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:39,067
These next 18 to 36 months
are gonna be a living hell.
384
00:16:39,067 --> 00:16:41,433
You'll cry everywhere
all the time.
385
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:42,933
And you'll want
to reach out to
386
00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:45,633
your best girlfriend
for support, but you won't,
387
00:16:45,633 --> 00:16:48,500
because you'll only be
interrupting her "full life."
388
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,933
So instead, you'll sit in
389
00:16:49,933 --> 00:16:52,467
the cheap "bridesmaid"
tank top she gave you,
390
00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:55,233
un-liking all of her
wedding photos on Facebook.
391
00:16:55,233 --> 00:16:57,367
Don't worry, Amy.
392
00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:59,367
You will come through
the other side of this
393
00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:02,767
and find
your perfect soul mate.
394
00:17:02,767 --> 00:17:04,667
[whispers]
We both will.
395
00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:06,400
- I'm not too worried
about it.
396
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,567
I want to be a cat doctor
in France when I grow up,
397
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:11,667
so I'll be too busy
to worry about boys.
398
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,367
- She's so strong.
399
00:17:19,233 --> 00:17:22,233
- [groans]
My stomach, oh...
400
00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:24,800
[groaning]
401
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,500
- Hey.
Are you okay?
402
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:31,367
- It's just,
I can't do anything right.
403
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:34,233
I hate myself,
and I hate my body right now.
404
00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:36,767
- Oh, here.
Take this cupcake.
405
00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:39,267
- You're gonna want to
get yourself some red wine too.
406
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,700
- And go watch the YouTube video
407
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:43,100
of a lion reuniting
with the dog that raised him.
408
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,867
It gets me every time.
- Thanks, ladies.
409
00:17:45,867 --> 00:17:47,100
[sobs]
410
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,267
I don't even know
why I'm crying.
411
00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:50,967
- Aw, I know.
412
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:56,233
- Mmm.
413
00:17:56,233 --> 00:17:59,400
- * Open up
your gates... *
414
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,067
- For the love of God,
415
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:03,233
if I have to listen
to one more person
416
00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:07,267
try to be Lisa Loeb,
I'm gonna lose my mind.
417
00:18:07,267 --> 00:18:11,400
- * Because I'm done *
418
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:15,600
* And it's no longer fun *
419
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,100
- Where'd you guys
get all this money?
420
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,067
- It's their lunch money.
They wanted to do this.
421
00:18:20,067 --> 00:18:21,500
They thought
if you had more money,
422
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,067
you'd come back
and teach them again.
423
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,467
Your kids love you, Feldman.
424
00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:26,167
- Hey, all these people
can't be in here
425
00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:29,067
not ordering anything.
Y'all can't loiter here.
426
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:30,567
- I got it.
427
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:34,233
Hey, guys,
Ms. F is mad touched,
428
00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:37,300
but until the U.S. gets
super cool like Finland
429
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,267
and starts paying
teachers better,
430
00:18:39,267 --> 00:18:42,633
I just can't afford
to come back and teach, okay?
431
00:18:42,633 --> 00:18:45,933
- * To make your budget
432
00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:49,100
* You need to get
a fourth roommate *
433
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:52,367
* Apply for
income-based repayment *
434
00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:56,733
* For your student loans
435
00:18:56,733 --> 00:19:00,667
* No more concert enhancers
436
00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:02,667
* For a while
437
00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:05,867
* And you should
be able to afford *
438
00:19:05,867 --> 00:19:08,400
* To come back to Fillmore
439
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,967
[applause]
440
00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:15,067
- I'm so proud of you, Ayo.
441
00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:16,367
Listen, Chaz,
442
00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:17,967
me and teaching are like
443
00:19:17,967 --> 00:19:19,500
the cookie butter
and pickles
444
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,333
that come on
the Kitchen Sink Sandwich.
445
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:22,767
They shouldn't go together,
446
00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:25,833
but for some crazy reason,
they do.
447
00:19:25,833 --> 00:19:27,867
I'm meant to be a teacher.
448
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,600
Suck it, Sub-urbia!
[laughs]
449
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,467
[students cheering]
450
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:34,633
[funky percussive music]
451
00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:36,067
- Hey, Caroline.
452
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:37,833
I found your breakup books
in the trash.
453
00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:39,367
I knew you didn't mean
to throw them away,
454
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:40,667
so I snatched them up for ya.
455
00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:43,900
- Actually,
I threw them away on purpose.
456
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:46,533
I'm done obsessing
over true love.
457
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,900
There are other things in life
to focus on.
458
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,433
Who knows,
maybe I'll move to France
459
00:19:51,433 --> 00:19:53,433
and take care of cats.
460
00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:56,600
- Good for you.
- Yeah.
461
00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,067
- Oh, how cute.
Look at Brad and Becky.
462
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:04,000
- [whispers]
Bracky.
463
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,767
Brad? Becky?
464
00:20:06,767 --> 00:20:08,567
Everybody get off the swings!
465
00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:14,167
[rock music]
466
00:20:14,167 --> 00:20:21,100
*
467
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,833
- * Tear it down
468
00:20:24,833 --> 00:20:27,667
* Tear it down
469
00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:30,433
* Tear it down
470
00:20:30,433 --> 00:20:32,633
* Tear it down
471
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:36,100
- Oh, yeah.
33295
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