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- It's 7:45 a.m.
It's Monday morning.
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00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,833
That means it's time to...
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00:00:09,833 --> 00:00:11,500
[together]
Wake up with Wendy!
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00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:13,900
Today I'm reporting live
from Fillmore Elementary
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00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:15,367
with fourth grade teacher
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00:00:15,367 --> 00:00:19,067
and five-time Local School
Council teacher representative
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Brent Duffy!
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00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,500
- Happy to be here, Wendy.
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00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,000
You know, every time
I do your show,
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you look five years younger.
- Ooh.
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00:00:24,967 --> 00:00:27,433
- Pretty soon I'm gonna be
talking to a little baby.
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00:00:27,433 --> 00:00:29,267
Come here. [laughing]
- Aah! Oh, I love him.
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00:00:29,267 --> 00:00:32,267
- It's not even 8:00 a.m.,
and he's hitting on her.
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00:00:32,267 --> 00:00:35,367
- Last year he gave me a hug
and full-on squeezed my tee-tas.
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00:00:35,367 --> 00:00:37,267
- Did you report him
for sexual harassment?
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00:00:37,267 --> 00:00:39,867
- Naw, dude. He said "honk honk"
when he did it,
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00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:41,033
so I knew he was joking.
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00:00:41,033 --> 00:00:43,233
- You know, he reminds me
of someone.
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- Every year I've served, I've
learned more about our schools.
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- And there she is.
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00:00:47,633 --> 00:00:50,200
- Well said. So, what are your
plans for the district?
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00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,433
- Mm, great question.
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- So ineffective.
For five years,
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00:00:53,467 --> 00:00:55,000
he's been promising to enhance
professional development,
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00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,433
but he never does it.
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00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:58,467
- The only thing he's enhanced
is his hairline.
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- I want to make this district
better,
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because it can be better.
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- Back off!
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- And since you're
currently running unopposed,
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that means you're gonna be
a guest on this show
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a lot this year.
- Looking forward to it.
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- It's great. It's great.
- I'm running too.
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- Oh, who are you?
- I am Chelsea Snap.
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Actor, model, spokesperson,
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and teacher here at Fillmore,
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and I would like to
officially announce
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that I am also running
for LSC rep.
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- And then my boring week was
blessed
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with the most magnificent
train wreck of all.
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- Folks, we've got a race.
- Sorry.
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- [giggles]
- All right. Excuse me.
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[rock music]
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* *
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- Don't post this
without a filter.
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[cameras snapping]
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You guys, I have basically
become a celebrity.
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I should've started caring
about the community years ago.
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00:01:47,133 --> 00:01:48,733
- I could never go
into politics.
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Men aren't attracted
to women in power.
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It makes them
uncomfortable.
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- I don't know, Damien loves it
when I handcuff him
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and grind my stiletto
into hiscojones.
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- Chelsea, who are you
going to ask
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to be your LSC campaign manager?
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- I don't care.
- Oh my gosh.
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Did everyone hear that?
She chose me!
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- This is so exciting!
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We've never had
a female representative.
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If you're elected,
you could finally get us
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00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,667
some relevant technology
training.
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00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:17,067
- Yes. That is going
on my platform.
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I need to learn Photoshop for
higher quality selfies anyway.
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00:02:20,433 --> 00:02:23,400
- Yeah. And the
Anti-Bullying Club needs money.
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The bullies took it all.
- Done.
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- Chelsea, this is important,
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00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,833
but I got to know your stance
on snack time
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before I vote for you.
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- We should have more of it?
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- Finally.
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- Okay, people. We need to move
if we want to beat Brent.
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The election is in four days.
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I'm gonna start with some
door-to-door canvassing.
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I do it all the time
with my church.
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I've converted tens
of people.
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[patriotic music]
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* *
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Hi-dee ho!
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Have you accepted Chelsea Snap
into your life
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as your LSC representative?
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- Not interested.
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* *
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- Hello.
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00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:05,567
I'm visiting with my neighbors
today with the hopes
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00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:08,200
of sharing the good word
of Chelsea Snap.
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- Take me off your list.
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- Shh, quiet.
[rustling]
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- Hello?
- She's here...
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- I'd like to talk to you
about letting Chelsea Snap
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into your heart and life!
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[rustling, lock clicks]
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00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:24,467
I know you're in there, Sandra.
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00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:27,067
Oh, Mr. Cross. Hi.
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Do you have a moment to talk
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about the good word
of Chelsea Snap
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and all that she has to offer?
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* *
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- Hey, Mrs. Jones.
Is that your little sister?
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00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:37,867
[laughs]
Ahh.
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00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:39,633
Oh, Chelsea Snap.
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00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,333
You know, I never imagined
I'd be running
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against somebody so hot.
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- Thank you, Brent.
Now if you'll excuse me,
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I'm on my way
to the district offices
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to file my candidacy paperwork.
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- May I offer you a ride?
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- Fine. But just know
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our relationship is
strictly professional.
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I am taking this election
very seriously.
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- Of course.
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[engine revs]
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[tires squeal]
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- Morning, Tommy.
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- 'Sup, T-Bone?
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- They are here.
Wow.
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The buttons are perfect.
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- Okay, I filed my paperwork
last night.
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I am an official candidate.
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- Chelsea, seriously?
You're supposed to be
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00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,867
campaigning today.
- [scoffs]
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00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:30,733
- Sit down
so I can fix your sex hair.
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00:04:30,733 --> 00:04:34,067
- Great idea. All right,
we've got the bake sale today.
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It's a great opportunity
to talk to voters.
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Where are we, people?
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00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:39,433
- I talked to my bro-bro Pauly.
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00:04:39,433 --> 00:04:42,867
He's gonna tag "Vote for Snap"
on some high-profile overpasses
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00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:45,067
in exchange
for some drug-free pee-pee.
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00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:47,167
- I've got
your social media site set up.
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00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:49,767
You have one follower
FartMeister1000.
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So far, he's only commented
with "U ugly,"
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00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:53,700
but I think we can turn him.
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00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,300
- I picked up the posters
I designed from the printer.
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00:04:58,067 --> 00:04:59,533
- You made me a lesbian?
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00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,333
- It's inspired
by Rosie the Riveter.
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00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:03,100
She's an iconic feminist image.
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00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,567
- She has fat elbows.
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00:05:04,567 --> 00:05:07,500
Just blow up
my Barbizon headshot.
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00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,533
Oh, Caroline, what are you doing
with my hair?
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00:05:09,533 --> 00:05:12,633
- I'm trying to distract people
from who you are as a person.
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00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,567
- Vote for Snap.
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00:05:15,567 --> 00:05:17,167
- My phone won't stop
autocorrecting.
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00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:18,600
I don't love big ducks.
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00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,633
- I thought we agreed no sexting
at the bake sale.
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Mrs. Chan! Hello.
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00:05:24,433 --> 00:05:26,433
Chelsea, this is Mrs. Chan.
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Her twins are in the first grade
here at Fillmore
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and she's the president
of the parent group
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Two Million Moms.
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- Wow.
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That is a lot of moms.
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So nice to meet you, Mrs. Chan.
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- So, our petition to take
inappropriate literature
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out of our libraries has really
been gathering steam.
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I hope you'll sign.
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- Of course.
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"The Little Engine That Could"?
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- Yeah. It's incredibly phallic.
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00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,600
Entering all those tunnels?
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Thank you.
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- What the hell did I just sign?
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00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:02,133
- She's got a point
about that train.
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[gasps] I just realized
what the caboose is.
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- Is this your phone?
- Yes, it is.
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- There is a penis on it!
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[dramatic music]
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- Give me that back.
- What kind of woman
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keeps porn on her phone?
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00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,400
- Okay, hey,
everybody calm down.
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That's not porn.
That's my penis.
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- Oh.
- Excuse me?
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00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:23,500
- Oh, yeah, Chelsea and I have a
consensual sexual relationship.
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I sent her that pic.
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- You disgust me.
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- It's gonna be a great year.
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- Wait. What?
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[slapping]
Oh!
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- Okay, last night's gaff
was not ideal,
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but on the bright side,
your new posters are perfect.
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- [gasps] The bigger I get,
the better I look.
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- I put one above my bed.
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It was so nice waking up to
this morning.
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Moving on.
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00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,867
Today after school is the
Fillmore car wash fundraiser.
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I've signed you up
to volunteer--holy cannoli.
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00:07:01,533 --> 00:07:03,800
- Oh, my God.
Is that a dick on my face?
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00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,267
- Wouldn't be the first time.
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00:07:06,267 --> 00:07:07,833
- Sweet Uncle Jesse.
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00:07:09,767 --> 00:07:11,900
- Looks like word is getting out
that you're a slut.
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00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:13,767
- Excuse me?
- Maybe you should've
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thought twice
before you distracted Brent
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00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:16,767
from doing his job.
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00:07:16,767 --> 00:07:18,567
- Brent and I slept
with each other.
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00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,567
- Stop dragging Brent
into this.
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00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:23,767
- Okay, you're clearly bananas.
- It's not just me, Chelsea.
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00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:25,933
There are other morally
respectable people out there
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00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:27,933
who will disapprove
of your loose ways.
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I just have to tell them
about you
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on my blog!
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00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,167
- [gasps]
- She has a blog?
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00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:36,267
On the Internet?
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People, we are under attack.
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00:07:38,767 --> 00:07:39,967
- 'Sup, dudes?
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00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:42,133
- This is what's "'sup."
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00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:44,567
Someone drew dicks
all over my posters.
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00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:46,600
- You sure you didn't just send
the wrong picture
206
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,600
to the printers?
207
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,667
- Wait a minute.
208
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:50,733
If they think you're a slut,
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00:07:50,733 --> 00:07:52,800
and we hang out with you,
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then what are they saying
about the rest of us?
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00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:55,833
- Why can't they
just forgive you
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00:07:55,833 --> 00:07:57,267
for your indiscretions
like I do?
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00:07:57,267 --> 00:07:58,967
- I don't need to be forgiven,
Mary-Louise.
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00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:01,133
I've done nothing wrong.
- Yep, I forgot.
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00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:03,567
- This is our chance to finally
change school policy.
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00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:04,833
You can't give up, Chelsea.
217
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:06,633
- Oh, I'm not giving up.
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00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:08,733
I am a valid candidate
with good ideas
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00:08:08,733 --> 00:08:10,500
that I stole from my friends.
220
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:13,100
In high school, did I give up
my bid for homecoming queen
221
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:14,767
because Kimi Hansen was
a burn victim
222
00:08:14,767 --> 00:08:16,400
and everyone said "let her win"?
223
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,633
No. I kept going and I beat her.
224
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,233
When I was on my cayenne pepper
cleanse
225
00:08:21,233 --> 00:08:23,500
and I lost all the muscle mass
in my arms and legs,
226
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,333
did I stop cleansing?
227
00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:27,867
No. I got a mobility scooter.
228
00:08:27,867 --> 00:08:31,167
I am not gonna let those
Talbott-wearing tight-asses
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00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:33,833
ruin my chances
at becoming a household name!
230
00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:36,700
- Ugh!
Your voice sounds so shrill
231
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,167
when you're trying
to make a point.
232
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,067
- Okay, gang,
we have two days
233
00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:44,867
to get this sweet angel
from heaven elected.
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00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:46,767
Deb, up your social media game.
235
00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:48,100
Cecelia, fix those posters.
236
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,900
Feldman, do something
that is helpful and legal.
237
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:52,867
Caroline--Caroline?
Where are you going?
238
00:08:52,867 --> 00:08:55,567
- I'm super busy today.
239
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:58,600
I have to label...
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00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,433
my label maker.
241
00:09:00,433 --> 00:09:03,133
- Okay. Go team!
242
00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:05,100
- Today,
we're going to be making
243
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:08,167
construction paper rocket ships
to glue on Ms. Snap's poster.
244
00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:10,333
- Can I make a space station
instead?
245
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:12,633
- No.
Everyone's making rocket ships.
246
00:09:12,633 --> 00:09:15,067
I need a ten-inch rocket ship,
247
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:16,467
a rocket ship that curves
to the left,
248
00:09:16,467 --> 00:09:19,700
and one with a really big
nose cone on top.
249
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,267
Oh, and all of them have to have
250
00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:23,167
two circular
clouds of exhaust
251
00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:25,133
coming out of their thrusters.
252
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:27,600
- [in deep voice]
I have some information for you.
253
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,933
- Excuse me?
254
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:30,633
- Are you aware
that Chelsea Snap is running
255
00:09:30,633 --> 00:09:32,200
for Local School Council?
256
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,733
- I'm glad, because Brent
doesn't do diddly squat.
257
00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:36,100
- Speaking of Brent,
258
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,967
a trusted source has informed me
259
00:09:37,967 --> 00:09:40,633
Brent Duffy got tested
for herpes.
260
00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:42,633
- Why are you telling me this?
261
00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:44,333
Did he sit on this toilet?
262
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:46,633
- "A vote for Snap
263
00:09:46,633 --> 00:09:49,667
is a vote
for healthier lunches."
264
00:09:49,667 --> 00:09:51,133
- Can you do that
somewhere else?
265
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,933
I'm trying to maintain
plausible deniability.
266
00:09:53,933 --> 00:09:55,667
[computer chimes]
- Whore?
267
00:09:55,667 --> 00:10:00,067
"That is gender discrimination."
268
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,033
[computer chimes]
[Adler scoffs]
269
00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:04,200
- This one doesn't
even make sense.
270
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,000
Can someone please make
a two-prong rocket
271
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,500
that splits at the base?
272
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:08,900
- Did he test positive?
273
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:11,167
- I know he definitely has
some type of wart.
274
00:10:11,167 --> 00:10:15,933
- "Your remarks are perpetuating
the virgin-whore dichotomy."
275
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:18,700
[computer chimes]
Oh!
276
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:22,600
- On July 10th, Brent was seen
leaving a pharmacy
277
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,967
with a topical cream.
278
00:10:23,967 --> 00:10:25,800
- Wait. If he has herpes,
279
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,300
doesn't that mean Ms. Snap
has herpes too?
280
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:29,500
- Oh, shit.
281
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,733
- I need more rockets.
282
00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:32,100
- We're working as fast
as we can.
283
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,333
- That's not good enough.
284
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,133
There are rockets on rockets
out here.
285
00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:36,400
We need more!
286
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,233
- Chelsea, hey, we need to talk.
287
00:10:41,233 --> 00:10:44,100
We have a situation on our hands
we both need to deal with.
288
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,833
- Thank you for acknowledging
your role in this insanity.
289
00:10:46,833 --> 00:10:49,000
- Well, I think
I have a solution.
290
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,067
There's a motel a few miles away
from here.
291
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,633
If we leave school
about 20 minutes apart,
292
00:10:52,633 --> 00:10:54,233
take different routes--
293
00:10:54,233 --> 00:10:55,967
- I'm sorry. Are you trying
to sleep with me again?
294
00:10:55,967 --> 00:10:58,100
- Yeah. What did you think
I wanted to talk about?
295
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,367
- Unbelievable!
296
00:11:00,367 --> 00:11:01,867
She's doing it again.
297
00:11:01,867 --> 00:11:03,533
Get your hands off of him.
298
00:11:03,533 --> 00:11:04,533
- Oh--
299
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,433
* *
300
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,167
[chatter]
301
00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:11,600
Why is no one coming
to my station?
302
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,067
- [ringing bell]
Whoo!
303
00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:14,533
- La-la-la-la-ladies!
304
00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:18,100
It's time to get wet, y'all!
[laughing]
305
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,400
Special discount for mothers.
306
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,867
- Hi. Can I talk to you
about my platform for LSC?
307
00:11:22,867 --> 00:11:23,967
If you just have a moment
308
00:11:23,967 --> 00:11:26,567
of your time--
Great.
309
00:11:26,567 --> 00:11:28,700
Hi. I'm running for LSC.
- Yeah, I'll take a flier.
310
00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:30,133
- I feel strongly--
- No, no, no!
311
00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:33,633
You stay away from my husband,
you tramp.
312
00:11:33,633 --> 00:11:35,967
- Takes one to know one, Terry.
313
00:11:35,967 --> 00:11:37,200
This reminds me of the time
314
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,833
Bill Clinton got to continue
in office
315
00:11:38,833 --> 00:11:42,200
and Monica Lewinsky had to sell
upholstered tote bags online.
316
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,333
- I know.
317
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:45,067
I was gonna buy one
out of solidarity,
318
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:46,433
but they were too ugly.
319
00:11:46,433 --> 00:11:47,900
- Yeah.
320
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:49,867
- Here are the campaign fliers
you asked for.
321
00:11:49,867 --> 00:11:52,067
- Why are you dressed
like Carmen Sandiego?
322
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:53,833
- Listen, Chelsea,
I want to support you,
323
00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:54,933
but it's very difficult
for me
324
00:11:54,933 --> 00:11:56,267
to see you in a position
of power
325
00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:58,100
when I know how many blowjobs
you've given.
326
00:11:58,100 --> 00:11:59,767
- Are you kidding me, Caroline?
327
00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,767
- Shh! Don't say my name.
328
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:04,667
[gasps]
I got to go.
329
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,967
- Stop having sex!
330
00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:09,167
- Go [bleep] yourself, Terry!
331
00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:12,300
This is crazy.
332
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:13,700
- It's gonna be a great year!
333
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,733
- Whoo!
- Whoo! [laughing]
334
00:12:15,733 --> 00:12:17,433
How am I the slut?
335
00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:18,567
[rock music]
336
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:21,567
- * Taste my honey
337
00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:24,233
* Come on give me a taste now
338
00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:28,500
* Tastes like candy
339
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:32,933
*
340
00:12:32,933 --> 00:12:34,400
* Huh
341
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,733
* *
342
00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:39,333
- Aah!
343
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:44,633
- Look! She's treating this
like a wet T-shirt contest.
344
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:48,833
This isn't Cancun, Mexico.
This is a school!
345
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,700
- Oh, my God.
346
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:54,233
[breathing heavily]
347
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:55,500
[whimpers]
348
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:58,067
[dark music]
349
00:12:58,067 --> 00:13:00,233
[ringing bell]
- Shame.
350
00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:02,800
* *
351
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,767
Shame.
352
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,600
Shame.
353
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,833
* *
354
00:13:08,833 --> 00:13:10,400
Shame.
355
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,600
* *
356
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,067
- Mary-Louise!
357
00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:16,067
Stop passing out fliers!
358
00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:19,067
- Shame.
- Oh!
359
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:23,400
[rock music]
360
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,500
- I haven't seen a crowd turn
like that
361
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,567
since Ralph Lauren stopped
making pleated khakis.
362
00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:31,900
- How could they do that
to my perfect Chelsea?
363
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:33,533
- Has anyone talked to her?
- No.
364
00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:35,367
She won't answer my texts,
calls,
365
00:13:35,367 --> 00:13:37,233
or pebbles against her window.
366
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:40,167
- Who got the edible bouquet?
- Chelsea.
367
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,833
"Don't let the turkeys
get you down.
368
00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:45,100
In lust,
Brent."
369
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,700
- [voice cracks]
He really is a nice guy.
370
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:49,067
[sniffles]
371
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,200
- Are you aware
of the slut shaming
372
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,733
going on on the Fillmore campus?
373
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,800
- [crying]
374
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,067
- Chelsea? Is that you?
375
00:13:58,067 --> 00:14:00,967
- God, I can't hide anywhere.
376
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:03,400
- Wait. What are you doing?
377
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,067
- I'm Deep Throating.
378
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,967
- Oh, enough with the sex stuff!
379
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,833
- No, Chelsea.
380
00:14:08,833 --> 00:14:10,367
Listen.
381
00:14:11,933 --> 00:14:13,933
I've been talking
to the janitors,
382
00:14:13,933 --> 00:14:16,767
the crossing guards,
the lunch ladies,
383
00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:19,400
the people who spend their
lunch breaks in the bathroom
384
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,967
because they've got nowhere else
to go.
385
00:14:21,967 --> 00:14:23,667
You have their support.
386
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:27,733
They're just afraid if they
speak up they'll be shamed too.
387
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:31,100
- This isn't worth it.
Everyone hates me.
388
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,500
- I don't.
- Aww.
389
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,233
That's sweet.
390
00:14:35,233 --> 00:14:38,667
But your opinion doesn't matter.
391
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:40,667
[sobs]
392
00:14:40,667 --> 00:14:43,667
[soft piano music]
393
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:48,733
* *
394
00:14:48,733 --> 00:14:49,967
[children laughing]
395
00:14:49,967 --> 00:14:52,233
Vickie?
Why aren't you over there
396
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:54,067
playing tag with everyone else?
397
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:57,300
- No one will play with me,
'cause they say I'm a mini-Snap.
398
00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,500
- What does that mean?
399
00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:00,233
- I like to hold hands
with boys,
400
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,700
so now they're being mean to me.
401
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,833
- You did nothing wrong, Vickie.
402
00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:11,667
Neither of us did
anything wrong.
403
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:13,300
Hey!
404
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,867
We don't exclude people, okay?
405
00:15:15,867 --> 00:15:16,967
- Vickie's the cootie queen.
406
00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:18,367
She holds hands with everyone.
407
00:15:18,367 --> 00:15:20,400
- You hold hands with everyone,
Bill!
408
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,333
- We don't treat women
like that, Bill.
409
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:25,967
Vickie is a smart,
capable woman
410
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,433
who is allowed
to make her own choices,
411
00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:29,667
and she can hold hands with
as many boys as she wants to
412
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,567
without having rocket ships
drawn on her face!
413
00:15:31,567 --> 00:15:34,500
- The big cootie queen's mad!
Run!
414
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,067
- [gasps]
Did he just call me big?
415
00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:41,500
- It's not her fault.
They pushed her out,
416
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:44,133
just like poor Ted Haggard.
417
00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,067
- Well, unfortunately,
it's looking
418
00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:57,100
like Ms. Snap is a no-show.
419
00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:59,100
And you know what that means.
420
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:02,500
It's gonna be a great year.
Uh!
421
00:16:06,267 --> 00:16:08,067
- Wait a minute!
422
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:11,067
[triumphant music]
423
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:13,267
* *
424
00:16:13,267 --> 00:16:15,833
- Hello, Chelsea.
Did you--
425
00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:17,100
did you get my fruit bouquet?
426
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,333
- Yes, and it gave me the runs.
427
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:21,400
- Ugh. Must've been the mangos.
428
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,133
- Hello, Fillmore.
I know that you've heard
429
00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:26,267
a lot about me the last couple
of days,
430
00:16:26,267 --> 00:16:27,767
but because of my gender,
431
00:16:27,767 --> 00:16:30,700
none of it has to do
with the issues.
432
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:33,533
My sex life,
although incredibly impressive,
433
00:16:33,533 --> 00:16:36,400
should have nothing to do
with this election.
434
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,067
And if you make it about that,
435
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:40,733
what kind of message are you
sending to your children?
436
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,867
I don't want young girls
to be judged
437
00:16:42,867 --> 00:16:44,500
by a higher standard than boys,
438
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,900
or be ashamed
of their sexuality.
439
00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,133
- I'm a slut!
440
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,800
[all gasp]
441
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,800
If Chelsea's a slut
just for having sex,
442
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,833
then I'm a slut, too.
443
00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:55,467
We're all sluts!
444
00:16:55,467 --> 00:16:56,700
I'm pretty sure everyone here
445
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,433
has had a rocket or two
in their mouths.
446
00:16:59,433 --> 00:17:02,667
- I love having a rocket
in my mouth!
447
00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:04,367
- Me too!
448
00:17:04,367 --> 00:17:05,400
- Hell yeah!
449
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,233
- I love you, Chelsea!
450
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,067
- Thank you guys so much.
451
00:17:11,067 --> 00:17:15,600
If I am elected, I promise
to fight for healthier lunches.
452
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,167
I will push for more relevant
professional development.
453
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:21,400
I will listen to your needs and
find solutions to your problems.
454
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:25,433
So, please consider me,
Chelsea Snap,
455
00:17:25,433 --> 00:17:27,833
as your LSC representative.
456
00:17:27,833 --> 00:17:29,633
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
457
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,167
- Go Chelsea!
- Yeah, my girl!
458
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,600
[rock music]
459
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:39,067
- Chelsea, win or lose,
you fought a good fight.
460
00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:41,400
- Aww.
all: Cheers.
461
00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:45,300
- Ladies? Hey.
462
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,767
I just wanted to stop by
and say
463
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:50,633
that you are an impressive
woman, Chelsea Snap.
464
00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:52,133
It's been an honor to run
against you.
465
00:17:52,133 --> 00:17:53,667
- That is very gracious
of you, Brent.
466
00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:55,733
- Give me a call if you ever
want to take a bang-cation.
467
00:17:55,733 --> 00:17:59,133
- Okay. Yeah, maybe.
- All right.
468
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:00,800
- Yeah.
- Okay.
469
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,733
- [laughs]
470
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:03,667
What?
471
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,767
- Chelsea, I just wanted to say
472
00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:08,300
that I'm sorry for my behavior
473
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:11,267
and acting like,
as you would say,
474
00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:12,633
an uptight ho-bag.
475
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,067
- You really were.
Yeah.
476
00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:17,833
No matter what happens,
I'm really proud of myself.
477
00:18:17,833 --> 00:18:22,067
- Yeah. FYI, I may have led
a majority of the faculty
478
00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:23,367
to believe you have herpes.
479
00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:25,167
- Wait. Are you ser--
- We won!
480
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:26,333
[all gasp]
- What?
481
00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:28,867
- We did it! We beat Brent!
482
00:18:28,867 --> 00:18:30,467
Huzzah!
483
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:33,067
- We won! We won! We won!
We won! We won!
484
00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:34,667
- Whoo!
- Everyone can suck it.
485
00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:38,733
Everyone can suck
my rocket ship!
486
00:18:38,733 --> 00:18:40,233
[squeals]
487
00:18:41,633 --> 00:18:44,067
- I knew you could do it,
my sister from another mister.
488
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:47,533
- Thanks. It feels really good
to have defeated sexism.
489
00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:49,067
- Hey. You won.
490
00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:50,500
Smile.
491
00:18:57,067 --> 00:18:57,967
* *
492
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:04,333
[rock music]
493
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:11,467
*
494
00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:15,200
- * Tear it down
495
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,067
* Tear it down
496
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:20,600
* Tear it down
497
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,800
* Tear it down
498
00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:25,833
- Oh, yeah.
35386
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